Learning To Let Them In
by Aubreylovesthegames
Summary: Tris is broken. She doesn't talk. She has no one left. One day took everyone from her. She decides to move to Chicago and go to highschool. She decides to keep pushing people away, not wanting any 'friends'. But that becomes a little hard when the guy next door, Four, is breaking down her walls, piece by piece. What will happen? Will Tris let them in? My first fanfic! Fourtris!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So this is my first fanfiction…please don't be too harsh! I accept constructive criticism. I have no problem with that! But please make it constructive and not just hate…otherwise you're not helping. -_- Anyways! I've had my account for a while now, but could never figure out what to write about! Until now, obviously. Even if I just get 5 reviews for the entire story I'll be the happiest girl on Earth! ;) I don't expect much. At. All. If you're actually reading all of my blabber, then CONGRATULATIONS! Here's a cookie! (::) If you guys want me to continue this then I will let you know how long I think it might be between updates when I can figure out a schedule! :) Well I don't have anything else to say…I think. So without further ado, here is the first chapter! *Loud cheering in background***

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent. :'(**

Chapter 1

Tris POV

16 years, 7 months, and 13 days. That's how long I've lived. 1 year, 5 months, and 17 days. That's how long I've wished to be dead. People say that the pain, guilt, and depression fades away with time. Not for me. Every day I wake up and feel the same amount of pain as the day I lost them.

For a little while people came to me giving me their sympathy and gift baskets. To help with the pain. I hate sympathy with a passion. It doesn't help anyone! All it does is make me feel worse. I shut the door on them. Rude, I know. But you can't blame me. Some people have even come up to me and said they understand my pain! When they did, I just gave them a death stare until they walked away. They don't understand what it's like to have just turned 15, and lose everyone you care about.

I'm not pretty. I have these ugly blue-gray eyes and a nose too big for my face. My blonde hair looks dead against the black clothes I wear. I look like a 12 year old even though I'm almost 17. I'm short and not wanted. Nobody likes me and quite frankly, I don't want them too. Really, all people see me as is a girl who is short, bad-ass, and broken. And that's what I am.

You're probably wondering who I am. I'm Beatrice Prior. Well…was Beatrice Prior. Beatrice was a brave, selfless, kind, fun, and loving girl. She would wear gray, pink, red, green, yellow, blue, purple, you name it! She wore just about every color in her life time. She died when she was 15. About a month later, Tris was born. Tris was dangerous and someone you did not want to mess with. If you did…well…let's just say that you might be in the hospital for a week. At the least. Tris wears black. That's all. She wears black because no matter how long it may be, she will always be mourning.

When I decided to switch to the lifestyle of Tris, I also made the decision to let the Beatrice in me die. Most of her did. Notice how I said most. No matter how hard I try, there is always gonna be a sliver of Beatrice in me. I hate her because she is a reminder of when times were perfect… enough money, enough food, friends…and-and-. I break down at this thought. I sob for only God knows how long. See? It's nearly been 2 years and I still haven't gotten over them. Not one bit. I'm completely broken inside.

I went to school for a little bit about 3 months after that day. I thought that if I went that maybe it could help get my mind off things. I couldn't be more wrong. I was bullied. Bad. They said I was weak, short, and stupid. I believed them. I still do actually. I got pushed, punched, kicked...and so many other things. This broke me even more. I started cutting. I felt like I had control of at least part of my pain. I have a fear of not being in control. That's why I did it. And I had a strange pleasure from cutting. I have countless scars. I stayed in school for that year. I've done online school now for a year now. I still cut though. It's that bad. I'm ashamed but I still continue.

I don't talk. I stopped that day. I refused to talk because I would have to relive that day over and over again to so many strangers. They have no right to know. So the easy decision was just not to talk. It was also the cowardly decision. But I don't care. The doctor's deemed me as depressed. Like I don't already know that. The funny thing is though, is that doctor's think depression is just some disease that can be cured with psychologists, therapists, pills, and mental institutions. But being depressed is something more. It takes a lot to become depressed. You have to be in a very horrible emotional trauma to become depressed. I think-wait no- I know that my situation counts as one. I shut people out. I don't want any friends. None of them are real. Since that day anyways.

You're probably wondering why that day was so horrible and when it was. That day was on my birthday. It was the best day of my life! It soon became my worst. That day took away my happiness. It took away my voice. It took away my dignity. It took away Beatrice. It took away the colors. It took away my selflessness. It took away my bravery.

It also took away my family.

**Poor Tris. :( Please review! Tell me if I should continue this or not! Tell me what you liked and didn't liked…and some ideas! If I like an idea I will probably put it in unless it goes against the whole plot. This is gonna be a Fourtris story, but it'll take a while…Tris is broken and doesn't talk. They aren't gonna meet and be like "Hey! I like you! Let's date!"….I don't like those kind of stories. Chapters usually will be a little longer than this...just thought I'd let you know! So until next time, (if there is one) Bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey peoples! So I'm here with another update! Thanks all you guys who reviewed! I had to delete this story once today because I tried to edit it and it wouldn't update onto the story so…I had 2 reviews already when I had to delete it and I don't want them to be forgotten! So my very VERY first reviewer was shannon. murray.9674227! Thanks!:) And my other reviewer was Ally646 ! Thanks to you too!:) You guys made me happy! Sorry for taking it down you guys…but I promise it won't happen again! And also thanks to Trisaba Daph Ride 464 for being the second first reviewer! If that makes sense? Heh. Heh. And my last thanks goes to six is back so is four for being my second second reviewer! Enough with me! Here's what you've been waiting for!**

**Disclaimer: Man, I'm sick and tired of doing these already! Its only chapter 2! Uh oh. But I do not own Divergent!**

Chapter 2

Tris POV

It was September 28 when the day occurred. I remember it like it was yesterday. Mom and dad had said that they'd take me wherever I wanted to go since I was turning 15. I mean I don't get what the huge deal was about turning 15, but I just rolled with it. I chose to go to the aquari; we always went there as a family, but couldn't find the time for the past year to go. I was practically bursting with happiness! I went to school that day already wondering about what that night would bring us. I really wasn't focused at all that day and I'm guessing that my best friends, Hailey and Taylor, sensed it.

At lunch they had asked me why I was so off that day. "Hey Bea, what happened? You look like you're going to explode right now…" asked Hailey. Yep. I knew it. They could sense it. I said, "Tonight my mom, dad, and Caleb are going to take me to the aquarium! For my 15th birthday!" Taylor then said, "Why is the aquarium so special?" I really quickly told them about our little tradition we used to have, even though we still have 20 minutes left until the bell rings. "Huh. I would've picked to go to the mall," said Hailey. "Ditto," said Taylor. We sat there awkwardly after.

I hated shopping so much. Still do. I don't get why people go to all these stores, buy things they don't even need, and then wonder why they can't pay their bills at the end of each month. Whenever people told me that, I'd be thinking "Huh. I wonder why." Note the sarcasm. They're quite stupid actually.

Whenever Hailey and Taylor took me shopping -or should I say dragged me- I only bought a couple cheap things. With 2 bags max. Hailey and Taylor however, are a whole different story. They'd come out of each shop with like 3 bags so by the time the shopping trip was over, the trunk almost wouldn't close. It was never fun shopping with them. Things had been getting more awkward between Hailey, Taylor, and I over the past few months. I don't know why. I guess we weren't just as close anymore then.

The sound of a bell brought me out of my thoughts. I stood up and rushed out of the lunch room, gladly getting away from the awkward silence we held. And by the look of it, Hailey and Taylor were glad too.

Before I knew it, school was over. I made it home in record time, waiting for everyone else to get home. Mom was the first to arrive at 5:45. "Hey sweetie!" she had said, "Is anyone else home yet?" "No," I said. "Not yet." "Are you excited for tonight?" she asked. "YES YES YES YES YES YES YES! WORDS CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE HOW EXCITED I AM FOR THIS!" I yell/scream. When I finally look over at Mom I see Caleb, Dad, and her all covering their ears. Huh. When did dad and Caleb get here? Oh well. Was I really that loud? Wait-WHAT AM I WAITING FOR!? Stop Beatrice. Don't scream and maybe they'll unplug their ears and listen. "Guys!" I say, " C'mon! What you doing just standing there!? What are we waiting for!?" It seems like they figured out that I was a little eager….well ok. Maybe a little crazy, but nevertheless, it worked! They started moving towards our car!

We all piled in to the car. The aquarium closed at 9:00 pm so we had to get a move on if we wanted to see everything! It was already 6:00! It's only a 30 minute drive to get there, but it is also a rush hour because everyone wanted to go eat supper with their families. I don't think I'm gonna last that long….Caleb looked over at me, looking at me, ready to cover his ears at any time, but I knew that if I would yell it wouldn't help make the trip any faster so instead, I take 5 deep breaths. When that is done, I am a lot calmer.

I opened my eyes and stared out the window watching scenery pass by. Mostly vehicles though. I looked up ahead and saw a swerving car. I figured it was just my imagination, but couldn't make myself look away. I saw it coming closer and closer and looked at the path it was heading. It was headed straight towards us. I gulped. "Hey dad?" I said still looking at the car. "Yes Beatrice?" my father asked. "Um…there is a car that's swerving around the road and it's headed straight-," I was cut off by an impact, the sound of screaming, shattered glass, and pain. So much pain. I close my eyes.

Wait. Where is mom? Dad? Caleb? I forced my eyes to open. I looked to where Caleb was sitting and I can remember seeing a bloody mess of what used to be his ribs, and chest. I crawled over, ignoring the pain, and looked for the rising and falling of his chest. The only problem was, was that I couldn't see it. I had put my fingers on his neck, checking for a pulse. Same thing. NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO! Caleb can't be dead! I remember thinking to myself, "He's just in a coma and he's gonna wake up and laugh and be the big brother he's supposed to be!" But somehow, I knew that wasn't true. I slowly left him, sobbing, and looked for dad and mom. I found dad first. I saw several shards of glass stuck into what used to be his face. I didn't see his chest moving either! NO! Caleb and now you! I didn't know that yet though. I looked at something other than his face and saw a lot of blood around his neck and chest area and knew that he didn't make it. I started crying even more. I didn't know a human could cry that hard until then.

"Wait! What about mom! I needed to find her!" I thought. I started searching until I heard a very, very faint "Beatrice". I knew it was mom. I mean, who else would it be!? "Mom!? Mom!? Where are you!?" I asked. Again I hear my name, but fainter this time. "Beatrice". I heard her from my left and immediately found her after I turned. She looked horrible. I think she got the worst of the impact. But how was she still alive? What if she's not gonna make it?! NO! She had too! She was still alive! This gets me to slow down my tears and move towards her. "Mom?" I asked for confirmation. I knew it was her, but for some reason I needed to hear her say it was her. "Yes sweetie," mom said. I instantly started sobbing. Again. "Mom, please don't leave me! Please! You're all I have left! Don't go!" I yelled. "I wish I could sweetie. I don't want to leave you. But my time has come. Sooner than I wish it would be, but still the same. I love you sweetie. Don't ever forget that." Mom said. "NO! Mom! You can't leave! You're a fighter! You and I can make it through this! We always do!" I sobbed.

Mom faintly smiled and I could tell that soon enough, there wouldn't be a trace of a smile there anymore. So I took all of her in. So I could remember her for as long as possible. I took in every detail, every curve, and every sparkle of love in her eyes. I etch that into my memory permanently. But even though it was supposed to be permanent, I knew that it would only be temporary. It would only last about a year and I would start to forget. I dreaded when that day would come.

"Sweetie, please listen to me. I know I don't have much more time, so I want to give you your present." Mom said, snapping me out of my careful observation. "Mom! I don't need a present! I need you!" I said, crying a little more soft. "Sweetie, just remember this as the last thing I gave to you," Mom said as she handed me a little present. "Please open it. Quickly," she said. So I did. I unwrapped it and found a small little box. I looked at my mom. She nodded at me as if giving me encouragement. I opened it up and saw a beautiful necklace. It had a charm with some flames on it and engraved in the flames were the words "**Be Brave". **"I love it mom! I love it!" I said, while putting the necklace around my neck. "I figured you would. Listen Beatrice, I love you so much and I don't want you to ever forget that, okay? Caleb, your father and I all love you. So much. Don't forget it," mom said. "I won't mom! I won't!" I say starting to cry a little more. She smiled again, this time out of pure love. She looked at me, as if observing every inch of me. Like I did to her. Finally, she looked at me one last time and said "Be Brave, Beatrice." And just like that, the rest of my family was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone! I'm sorry I have updated for a little while…I swear. School is gonna be the death of me! I absolutely hate school. I mean, half the stuff we learn, we are NEVER going to use in real life! Ugh. I had an American History essay I had to do because I was gone sick one day. Also to make up for my sick day in computer class, I had to type 8 frigging pages of crap! And I repeat CRAP. Like "fff ddd sss aaa frf ftf ded Jack had to run to the store to pick up some groceries." Ya. Stuff like that. NO ONE CARES ABOUT JACK AND WHAT HE HAD TO DO! Anyways….I can't believe I have 10 followers and 8 favorites! You guys are AWESOME! Thanks so much! And 6 reviews! Well technically 8…but the important thing is I ALREADY REACHED MY GOAL! WOO HOO! THANKS YOU GUYS! Your reward is a the longest chapter yet! ****(YES! Longest chapter yet!) Also thanks to "Awesome Guest"...well you kinda took my saying, but I'm gonna say it anyways! You ARE AWESOME!;) Hey and I finally found the perfect cover image for this story! It's a poem...but it describes this perfectly...you should look at it. When I found it, I couldn't believe it! I mean, it described this whole thing perfectly! Please read it...its only 4 lines long. It wouldn't kill you!;)  
**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Divergent, I wouldn't have killed "certain" people off. -_-**

Chapter 3

Tris POV

I remember hearing sirens coming closer and closer, but wouldn't move away from my mom. Even when the medics had come over and were trying to assess my damages. But I just couldn't move away from the body that used to hold her smile, laughter, words, and soul. I just couldn't accept that she was gone. Finally, the medics pulled me away. I was getting weaker and weaker, so it became easier for them to pull me away. If I had had a choice, I would've stayed right there forever. But of course, in this world, you never get choices. And when you do, they aren't important.

The medics may have pulled me away from her touch, but I could still see her. So I kept my eyes glued on her the entire time. When they brought 3 body bags out, I started screaming. "NO! NO! YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM AWAY FROM  
ME! NO! CALEB! MOM! DAD! PLEASE COME BACK!" Then I felt a needle go into the vein in my arm, and as I was fading into blackness I managed to make out a whisper "Please come back. Please."

When I woke up the next morning I could hear a very annoying beeping sound, but when I tried to look up to see what it was, I felt a sharp pain fly to my head, causing me to have a horrible headache. So I put my head back down and decided that it could wait. I looked around to try and figure out where I was. I saw white walls, tables everywhere, bright lights, windows, and a door. I assumed that the door was to my room. I thought for a few minutes and then finally realized that I must be in a hospital. "_But why would I be in a hospital?" _I had thought.

Once again, I thought for a few minutes, willing for memories to come back in my head. When they did, I had wished they hadn't. Everything came rushing back to me all at once, causing a huge animal-like sound to come from my mouth. I cry for a long time. Longer than I think anyone has.

When I finally slowed my tears down, I looked at myself…or at least as much of me as I could see. When I did I saw a cast on my left leg, stitches all over my legs and arms. Also on my left arm, I had another cast. I saw severe burns on my feet and ankles. I think they got the worst of it. I also saw a bunch scabs…at least 100. I saw a piece of my hair on my shoulder and saw that it was singed and burned. Ugly.

I heard the door to my room open, and heard footsteps approaching me. It only sounded like one pair of feet though so I figured that it would either have to be a doctor, nurse, or a visitor. "But who would visit me?" I had thought. They got closer and closer and then I saw a woman, about mid-age, with long black hair, and a tan skin tone. She had tears pooling in her eyes. She had looked so familiar, but couldn't quite place my finger on who it was. So I closed my eyes and thought about who she may be. After a little while I remembered seeing her at around  
Christmas time and my birthday each year. She and mom would hug and sit down on the couch for hours and talk about each other's lives and what they've missed out on and how much they had missed each other and all that. She was my mother's best friend. They had been really close through high school, then lost touch with each other when they went to separate colleges. They had found each other, about a year after graduating, at a grocery store in Florida. We had taken a vacation to Florida, just to get away from our small little town in Ohio for a little bit. Mom and I went shopping for basic things that some of us (me) forgot and as we were walking down the toothpaste aisle, we saw Tori. Mom had gone up to her and started crying. Tori cried too.

I joined in on the hug soon afterward, but not on the crying of course. We probably looked really funny. 3 people hugging and crying in a toothpaste aisle. When we finally pulled back, mom had said "I can't believe I found you!" And Tori just smiled and said "You better not leave me again missy!" My mom promised her that she wouldn't and asked if she wanted to stay with us for a little bit, while we were on vacation. She, of course, agreed.

While we were all there, we tried to make an agreement of when to see each other each year. Finally, we decided to all get together for my birthday, Caleb's birthday, and Christmas. One Christmas, my mom had looked at Tori and asked if she could talk to her privately. So they went into another room. It was late so I told Dad that I was tired and excused myself. What he hadn't known, is that I was going to go see what Tori and Mom were talking about. I eavesdrop a lot. And I mean A LOT. So I'm and expert.

When I reached the door, I had put my ear up against it and listened in. I could also see through the keyhole. I heard Mom saying "I need to ask you a very important question, Tori." Tori looked confused and worried. "What is it Natalie? Is something wrong? Are you hurt?" Mom just smiled and slightly chuckled. "No Tori, I'm not hurt, and neither is Andrew. This concerns the kids." "What about the kids? Nothing is wrong with them either…right? Said Tori. Mom took a deep breath in and said "Tori, if anything would ever happen to Andrew or I would you take Beatrice and Caleb? You're the only one I trust enough to do this." I heard Tori reply "Of course Natalie! I would take those kids in any day! They are wonderful kids. Let's just hope that nothing ever happens to you or Andrew though." "Me too, Tori. Me too." Mom had said. I saw them bent over and scribbling a little bit later and figured that they were probably writing down that information. I took that as a sign to go to my room and snuck quietly upstairs. The accident had happened 2 years later.

As I pull myself out of the memory, I hear Tori calling me for supper. Tori is now my legal guardian. You see, when everything had been settled in court, Tori decided to move to me instead of making me move to her. I love Tori a lot, but she will never be Mom.

As I walk down the stairs from my room to the dining room, a pleasant smell of chicken and pasta fills the air. When I get downstairs, I sit at the table and wait for Tori to bring supper out.

When she does, she serves me a plate of food that is filled. I know I won't eat all of it. I haven't been hungry ever since I woke up after that day. I have to eat though. Tori wouldn't let me starve to death. Although, I would like to sometimes. Just to disappear from all the pain, all the sadness, all the emptiness. Just imagining seeing them again makes my stomach fill with nervous excitement...but I know that Tori wouldn't allow it, plus I would feel bad if I left her alone. And I've already tried it once, but stopped part way through when Tori came in. I tried overdosing...but now I am ashamed of myself. It just proves I am more of a coward than I already am.

She gives me a look, just like she does at every meal. The look has worry, hope, sadness, and pleading. She knows I don't eat much.

I look down at my plate filled with chicken, pasta, peas, and orange slices. I looked back at Tori. She still wore that same look. Just to make her happy, I took an orange slice and ate half of that, took 2 bites of chicken, a half a spoonful of peas, and 2 bites of pasta. When I'm done with that, I look up at Tori. She just sighs and says "Go ahead. You've had enough. You are excused." I look up at her with a look of gratitude and slightly smile. She smiles back.

I never smile. Ever. I only smile at Tori and even then, it's not a very big one. I feel bad. Tori is trying her best. I know that she would give anything to make me better. And I'm thankful for that. I mean, even though I don't talk to her, and shut myself in my room almost all day, she still makes 3 meals a day and checks on me every so often, just to make sure I'm ok. I love Tori for trying. She is the only one who actually takes time out of her day to try. For me. That's why I smile at her only. No one else deserves it. No one else but her.

I hate to say it, but sometimes I just want to get out of this town. I feel like I'm trapped in my tiny hometown. I'm constantly plagued with memories. Whenever Tori takes me with her to go run some errands, I remember. Every turn we make brings a new memory. Caleb and I driving home from school together and stopping at the candy store every Friday to try a new candy. Mom and I going to the grocery store and end up taking 5 wrong turns, even though it's a very small town. I remember laughing with Dad when we went to go volunteer at different organizations when we messed up or said something that was very blonde of me. Memories, memories, memories. So many.

As I was saying, I wanna get out of here, so I can hopefully walk around without being made fun of, or being pushed down by some kids. But I don't know if that would be the right decision…well if I ever got the choice. Would it be wrong to leave the only town where you once had a happy, loving family? Would it be wrong to leave everything behind? Would it be wrong to leave just so you can start a new life? Is it wrong? Is it selfish?

Even asking myself countless times if it was wrong, I know that if I got the chance, I would be packed up and ready to leave within a day. But I don't know if I ever will get that chance, and that's why I don't let myself dwindle on that topic for too long at a time.

I sigh and lay back down on my bed. I miss mom. I miss dad. I miss Caleb. I miss my family and the happier days. I then remember that it was all my fault it happened. I start sobbing into my pillow. If I wouldn't have shrugged the car off in the first place and warned dad earlier, we would've been safe at the aquarium and back home. Even if that happened I still could've called 911 right away, instead of just standing there and do nothing but crying. I was stupid and a coward.

I stand up and go to take a shower. As I stand in the shower, I pick up my razor and start to add new cuts to my collection. I bring it to my thigh and slide it down once. One for my cowardliness. Once again, I bring it down. Two for my stupidity. Again. Three for letting Mom die right in front of my eyes. Again. For not warning dad earlier. Again. Being the only survivor. I switch it to my wrist. Again. Not letting the medics get to my family, even though they could've possibly saved them if it wasn't for me blocking their path. I do it over and over again. When I'm finally done I've added 11 new cuts and later scars. Satisfied with my pain, I get dressed and climb into bed, thinking about happier times. I start crying and slowly cry myself to sleep. Just like every night. I know my dreams will be plagued with nightmares about losing them. It happens every night. I'm absolutely terrified of what tonight's dreams will bring me, but fall asleep anyways, against my will.

**So there you go! Sorry it wasn't a very exciting chapter. It was more of a filler…I feel bad. But pretty soon, everything will start to come together! Within the next 2-3 chapters! I promise! It was the longest chapter by far...they probably will start to become a little longer when I start to get into the story a little more...But it was 2.5k words! It counts for something right? I probably won't be able to update for a few days…my mom comes home from surgery tomorrow, and I will be helping her a lot. So here's my apology in advance! SORRY!:0:0:0 But please review! And should I have a QOTC? Please tell me your thoughts about that and this chapter! Pretty please? With a cherry on top? And if you don't like cherries…with candy on top? And if you don't like any candy...then you're just not human. Hehe... anyways...Thanks for reading!:) Audios Amigos! **


	4. Chapter 4

**HELLO PEOPLE!:) Hey, I'm sorry I haven't updated for a while…I've had to help my mom, and I also had some writer's block…but I'm back now!;) So….without further ado…here is Chapter 4!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent or any other characters…Not even Four. :'( I also don't own "The River Flows in You" by Yiruma or "All of Me" by Jon Schmidts…I'm not sure if I need to do the songs…but oh well. If I didn't, who cares? ;)**

Chapter 4

Tris POV

_"__Honey!" It was my mom. "Come downstairs please! We have something for you! It's your birthday present!" "Ok, Mom! I'll be right down!" I said. It was my 12__th__ birthday today. I know they have a present for me…secretly I was hoping for a piano. I've always been mesmerized by their beautiful sound. I know that Mom had played piano at one point of time in life, so maybe she could teach me. I wanted one really bad, but I would never tell. I wouldn't want to be selfish and rude. _

_When I get down the stairs, I see a HUGE box. It lays horizontally. It has a bunch of silver wrapping paper with purple polka dots on it. The box about 4 feet long and about 5 feet high. It was about the size of a piano…but they didn't know that's what I wanted…right? "Happy birthday!" Mom, Dad, and Caleb all yelled! "Well, what are you waiting for? Open it! C'mon!" said Caleb. _

_He was so selfless. Just seeing other people happy made him happy too…but I know he was probably one of the nerdiest people I've ever met. So he has an interesting personality. Mom and Dad are also selfless. Mom has always been a little more daring though…she doesn't show that side of her very often and when she does, it's only for a very short period of time. A minute at the most. Dad was smart. Like Caleb. But he only showed that side of him when Caleb and I needed help on our homework. It was enough nevertheless. We always got it done on time with the correct answers. _

_I approach the box, wondering what something that size could be. Again, a piano comes to mind, but I push it to the back of my head. I didn't want to show any disappointment on my face whatsoever, if it wasn't a piano. _

_I start to unwrap it, slowly and carefully, trying not to rip any of the beautiful wrapping paper on it. When that is a success, I see a picture curving around the very edges of the side I was on. I can't see enough of it to be able to tell what it is. The picture must be on the other side. I look at my mom and she looks excited. I sit at that side for a moment and look at Dad and Caleb._

_Caleb looks eager and annoyed. The annoyed part of his look must be because of my slowness. Dad looks the same as Mom. Excited. "C'mon Bea! Look at it, already!" Caleb whines, as if it's his own present he wants to see._

_I decide not to keep them waiting any longer and slowly get up and walk over to the other side. What I see makes tears spring to my eyes. A piano! I look over at everyone and Mom asks "Do you like it?" She looked a little nervous. I look at her in the eyes and say "Are you kidding me! I don't like it! I LOVE IT!" and hug her as hard as a 12 year old possibly could. "How did you know!?" I asked. "I always saw you loved the piano. When we would walk past them in a store you would automatically walk over them. It was pretty obvious actually." Mom said, while smiling. _

_We bring it up to my room and once it's situated I say "Thank you so much guys! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!" They smile and mom then asks, "Do you want me to teach you?" I smile and say "Yes please!"_

_So she does. We practice every day after I come home from school, and before I know it, I'm playing so many different songs, I can't even count all of them. After about a year, I'm playing very difficult songs with ease. I play "The River Flows in You by Yiruma, "All of Me by Jon Schmidts", and even just modern day songs. All thanks to Mom._

_Suddenly, everything changes and it's my 14__th__ birthday. I know what this day brings, even in my dream. I pray and wish that I will wake up before it happens, but I know that my wishes never come true. I'm not going to wake up before this happens. I'm in the car and I try to tell my dad before this happens, but it's like my lips are glued shut. I can't talk, but I can move. Maybe if I use hand gestures. I try to, but they won't look at me! I try to talk, but again am not successful. I see the car swerving around the road and feel silent tears drip down my cheeks. I see it coming closer and closer and I close my eyes. _

_I feel the impact, and I can feel the same amount of pain as that day. I hear Dad, Mom, and Caleb talking. Confused, I turn around and force myself to open my eyes. I see them all bloody and mangled. "This is all your fault Beatrice! If you would've warned us, we would've been alive!" That was Caleb. I find that I can talk now, but can't move to help them. I try talking. "No! No! I tried, but I couldn't talk! I really did try!" I half yell, half cry. 'Don't even try that with us Beatrice! We know you could talk! Do you not love us enough to even help us!" my dad yells. "Beatrice just help us! Move! Please!" Mom. Not her. No! No! No! Not mom. I can't have her criticize me! No! _

_I start crying. I try to move…but I can't. "Just move Beatrice! You could save us! Please!" cried mom. "I can't mom! I can't move!" I say. Suddenly her eyes turn hard and cold. Not at all like the ones had I known. "You don't even love us do you!? You are going to be happy once we are dead, aren't you!" yells mom. "No mom! I'm not!" I say. "Oh well. I never loved you anyways. You were a disgrace. Goodbye Beatrice." Says Mom. Then all of them, Mom, Dad, and Caleb, fall back at the same time with no life left in them. "No! Mom! No!" I yell._

I wake up in cold sweat, panting and screaming. I have tears streaming down my cheeks.

I hear Tori come in. "Tris! Tris! Are you alri-"she stopped talking when she saw the tears on my face. "Another nightmare?" she asked. I slowly nodded my head yes. "Oh, honey." Tori said. She came over and cradled me while I cried into her shoulder. "What was it about? Can you show me?" she asked. I slowly looked over to the piano in my room. The same one as 4 years ago. It sits in the corner of my room, dusty and old. I haven't touched it since the day they were gone. I can barely look at it without bursting into tears thinking of the memories it brought.

I then look over at the pictures on my windowsill of Mom, Dad, Caleb, and I. I take an extra-long time looking at these. I see the picture of Caleb and me, from when we went to Paris as a family vacation, and had managed to get ice cream all over our faces from the café we had went to. I see the picture of my dad and I standing in front of the Eiffel Tower. That day had been fun. We had explored the city and our last place we had went to was the Eiffel Tower. It had been my dream to see it. I see Mom and I standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower, looking over the ledge. We had been the only ones brave enough to venture out to the ledge, and even more, look off of it. This had been one of the times when her brave part of her personality had shown.

I tear myself away from the pictures and finally point to the untouched calendar in my room. It is off by 2 years, almost 3, and is set to the month of June. Like the piano, I hadn't touched the calendar since that awful day.

I watch as she slowly puts the pieces together. When she does, she looks at me and says, "Listen, Tris. I know that it may not seem like it now, but someday the pain WILL start to fade away. It might tomorrow, it might next, week, or it might be 5 years from now, but I just know that you'll make it through this." I look at her with new tears in my eyes. I don't believe her, but it brings tears to my eyes to think that she believes in my strength, and won't ever give up on me.

I hug her, and she hugs back. We stay like this for, who knows how long, until she finally breaks the silence. "Tris?" she asks. I look up at her to show her that I'm listening. "Listen, this may not be the best time, but I need to tell her something." She says. I start to worry. What if she doesn't want me anymore? What if she thinks I'm just some broken girl who is weak and can't get over the past? Or even worse yet…what if she has some disease and is gonna leave me alone? "No, Tris. Stop thinking like that. Nothing bad is going to happen." I think to myself. I still can't get rid of my worrying thoughts though.

The worry must be evident in my eyes because Tori takes one quick look at me and says "Don't worry! It's nothing bad! Well…I don't think at least." Good. Just hearing her say that makes relief spread through my body like a wave washing on to the shore. But….what is it then?

I cock my head to the side, clearly showing confusion. She takes a deep breath and says, "Tris, I've been looking for a job. You knew that, right?" I nod my head yes.

It's true. She'd been looking for a job for the past year and a half. I don't know how she hasn't gotten one yet….I mean she's responsible, respectful, kind, but stern. Just what people needed for a job, in my opinion. But in other people's point of view, I guess they didn't want that in a person. I don't know why, so don't ask me. Anyways, she's been going to different schools. She's always wanted to be a teacher.

Tori snaps me out of my thoughts. "Well, at the last job interview, they said they had enough teachers, but were going to send my resume out to other schools that needed teachers. Yesterday, I got a call saying that they found me a school that was interested in employing me. I would be the art and music teacher if I accept." She says. I know she loves art AND music. It would be a win-win. But there is something she's not telling me.

I look at her, urging her to go on. I know the look in my eyes says something along the lines of, "I know you're hiding something form me. Spit it out, c'mon! What's the worst it could do?" She sees this look and takes a deep breath. "Tris… it's in Chicago." She says. This takes me by surprise.

Chicago? Chicago!? Wow. I was not expecting that. How far did this person send her resume out to!? Tori looks at me again, and I can tell she's trying to hide it, but I know that she really wants this job. "This is completely up to you if we go or not. I don't want to force you to move if you don't want to." She says, looking me over.

I close my eyes and think about it. Would I want to move away from the only place I really knew? Move away from the memories, the pain, the past? Move away from the house I once lived in, with my only real family?

No matter how many questions I ask myself, I know that I want to get away. Plus, this is one of the only job opportunities that Tori will get AND like. I want to escape this town, the town that caused all the pain and destruction. I want to start over and make a new me…but I think I need just a little bit more time to look at my belongings and out my window. I need to see everything, just one last time. Before I leave because I know that I will never look at my belongings close like how I will be looking at them within the next 10 minutes, or so. Just one more glance, then I will be able to move on…I think.

Slowly, I open my eyes and see that Tori is looking at me with disappointment in her eyes. She thinks I'm going to say no. "Listen, Tris. I know that it would be hard for you to move away from the only place you know. It's fine. Maybe, I'll get another opportunity closer to here." She says, but I can see the doubt and sadness in her eyes as she says this.

She starts to walk away, but I grab her arm at last second. She turns around and looks at me with a new hope starting to form in her eyes. "Yes, Tris?" she asks. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and look at her as if to say, "Give me a few minutes to think." She knows me so well, that she understands and walks out the door, but not before asking, "Is 10 minutes enough time?" I nod my head yes. She walks out the door, obviously knowing that I need some privacy right now.

Slowly, as if I know that it's going to be the last time I do (Which I do, I guess), I look out my window, and out into the small town I live in. Even with the size, it still looks big, because of all the memories it holds. I see the lights that light up the street at night, the greenest grass I have ever known, and the noise of cars, driving into the night, passing through this little town of mine, most likely heading to another city, and this was just on the way there. I know I will miss this place, but at the same time, I'm glad I'm leaving. It's weird, but I don't really want to think about this too much right now.

I move on to the pictures. I silently cry as I look at them. This is the part I was the happiest and the saddest to see. My mind is strange. I take a close look at each one of them, memorizing them, and making sure the picture is stuck in my memory, before moving on. I make sure the memories are in my mind too, even though I know that I won't want to think about them for too long after this. It will just bring more tears.

I finally move on to the piano. I don't know what it means to me exactly, but I know it means just as much as the pictures do. I'm sobbing by the time I get to the piano because it has irreplaceable memories behind this as well. Nobody could ever replace them. No one at all. Besides, who would want someone like me? Broken, short, ugly, stupid, weak, non-sociable, flat-chested, the list goes on.

I pull myself out of these thoughts and focus on the task at hand. I look at the piano again, this time brushing off some of the dust that lays on its keys. I pull out one of Mom and I's favorite piano books from the piano bench and hold it close to my chest, like a mother would do for her baby. I flip through its pages and come across our favorite duet. I start to sob, but surprisingly, still staying quiet enough that Tori hasn't come in yet…or she just knows that I would need privacy and is not coming in because she knows I can handle this, if nothing else. I suspect the latter, but I'm still not sure.

I slam the book shut and stuff it in the piano bench once again. I'm too weak to even handle this. How does Tori handle me and my weakness? "Enough." I think to myself. "Stop thinking about that. Your 10 minutes is almost up." I sigh and force my thinking to a stop. I look at the piano again, but I slowly start to reach out to a key. I close my eyes. I'm not sure why I do this, but I can't stop myself now. I hear a sound and snap open my eyes. I noticed I hit a C. Just like I always would when Mom told me to pick out my favorite key. It was always a C, no matter what. I start sobbing even harder, which I didn't know was even possible.

I start taking my calendar off my wall and rip it up. I rip it into a million tiny pieces. After I slow my crying down to a slow stream I throw all the pieces into the trashcan. I know my ten minutes are almost up and drag myself onto my bed, expecting Tori to walk in at any moment. I manage to get my tears to a complete stop…for now at least. I know they will be reappearing soon.

I hear the door crack open and look over to see Tori walk in. She still has hope in her eyes, but is trying to hide it. She looks at me and asks, "Have you made your decision? Or do you need more time?" I hold up one finger, as if to indicate that I will answer her first question first, then nod my head up and down, slowly. Then I hold two fingers up, for the second question, and move my head from side to side. Yes, no, are my answers. She nods her head and looks at me one more time before asking, "What did you decide, Tris?"

I close my eyes, take a slow deep breath, and open them. I see her looking at me with expectance and hope gleaming in her eyes. I realize that she probably wants this as bad as I do. I look up at her and close my eyes, remembering what it was like outside my window. I decide to tell her. I've kept her waiting long enough. She leans closer to me and asks, "Tris? Yes or no?" I give her a sliver of a smile, before nodding my head yes.

Yes, as in, we are moving to a new city, a new house, a new neighborhood, a new school, a new job for Tori, where

I can create a new me.

**Once again, I apologize for the long wait. I did help my mom a lot, but she is getting A LOT better! So I should be able to update more often! :) I went to school today and kept getting really excited when I knew I should be able to update tonight! That's what kept me moving throughout the day! I hope to update again soon! :) This chapter is the longest chapter yet! I felt bad for keeping you waiting, so I went back to Microsoft Word and added about 600 more words. Just for you guys! Now it's 3.5k words instead of 2.9k! :) Please review and tell me your thoughts about this chapter! Whenever you review it motivates me to keep writing, so PLEASE review! I read each and every one of your reviews, you always make me smile, no matter what you put! ;) Next chapter should be up fairly soon, and it will be about Tris' first day! :) So until then, BYE!:):)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Did you miss me? Or did you just miss this story…-_- Well never mind the face. Either one makes me happy! ;) I'm back with Chapter 5!:) I'm not gonna keep you waiting for TOO long…so here you go! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (Well….if it's your birthday…but that's not the point…iCarly anyone?)**

**Disclaimer: Uriah, please do it. I'm getting tired of doing this.**

**Uriah: Ok Aubrey! Wait, what am I supposed to say again?**

**Me: Just say that I don't own Divergent some way.**

**Uriah: Ok! **

**Me: *5 minutes later*…SAY IT!**

**Uriah: *scared face* OK!**

**She doesn't own Divergent some way!**

**Me: *Face palms***

Chapter 5

Tris POV

Today is my first day at Divergent High School. To be honest, I'm kind of nervous. What if it turns out like my old school? What if they find out who I am?! "NO Tris. They won't know who you are! Just get ready!" I think to myself.

We moved to Chicago about a week after I told Tori yes. We have a medium sized house. Not too big and not too small. I like it. It doesn't draw attention to us. Even better. The inside is really pretty with wood furnishing and carpeted hallways and rooms. I picked a medium-sized room with a window. The window only gets a view of another window to the house next door. It's not like I'm going to be looking out of it 24/7 either. So I really couldn't care much less.

My room was peach and white colored. Tori and I painted it over the summer. It is now black with blue and gray stripes towards the very front of my room by the door. I have to say...it looks pretty good, in my opinion. It's just like my "hair" now. Main color is black with highlights towards the front.

My room has a bed with a really comfy mattress. It has a black and gray comforter on top. The pillow cases are blue so everything matches!

It also has am adjoining bathroom. It's a nice bathroom. It has a shower, a sink, and a toilet. And cabinets above and under the sink. The shower curtain is black. The towels in there I are blue and gray. Once again, it matches.

Also...sitting in the corner of my room is the piano. I may not touch it much, but I need it in my room. It gives me memories that I am scared to forget. I had painted it black carefully, so I wouldn't get any on the carpet, on the keys, or on the inside of the piano. I was successful, but it took a months. Longer than it took to do my room! But it was worth it. It looks great.

I go into the bathroom and gaze at my reflection. When everything still looks good, I walk out and go lay down on my bed.

Last night I changed my appearance. My ugly blonde hair now is black with a gray and blue streaks toward the front of my hair. It doesn't look great either, but it's not the worst.

I didn't just pick random colors. Blue was Caleb's favorite color. Gray was Dad's favorite. And black was both Mom's and I's favorite color. That way I can carry a piece of them with me wherever I go.

I didn't put permanent dye in, just squirt dye, so it will wash out with water. Like, when I take a shower. I want to be myself sometimes. Just seeing myself once in the mirror before putting the dye in, is enough for me to grab onto the memories, right before they slip away again, like the black dye in the shower.

I decide its time to get out of bed and go to my closet and pick out my outfit. It ends up being black skinny jeans, a black tank top, a black sweatshirt, and black tennis shoes. I don't put on any make-up. I don't see the point. It won't make me look pretty, so why put it on?

I look into the mirror and I approve. I may look Goth to some people, but I'm really not. I'm just mourning. Not like anybody would understand anyways…well maybe except for Tori. She knows why I wear black. She approved of my hair before I dyed it. She knows why I did it too. She will be the only one who understands. Always has been, and always will.

Tori and I called the online school site I used to go on, and told them I wouldn't be on this year. They understood and took me off the site. I can't turn back now.

"Tris! Breakfast!" Tori yells from downstairs. Well, I better start heading down. I don't want to be late.

I head downstairs and smell pancakes and bacon. Tori looks at me and says, "Now, you don't get to leave until you eat at least 5 bites of your pancake and a all of your bacon. You WILL eat, missy." I look down at my plate and back up to her, a pleading look on my face. I can't eat that much! She sighs and says, "Fine 2 bites of bacon and 3 bites of pancake. But I'm not budging anymore, so you better start eating." I look at her thanking her with my eyes and eat what she told me to.

I finish and run upstairs, brush my teeth, and make sure my hair isn't wet, all before I hear Tori yell from downstairs, "C'mon Bea! We have to go! You ready?"

Tori calls me Bea sometimes…I kind of like it when she does. It brings back some good memories. It doesn't last for long, but it's long enough.

I rush downstairs. I see Tori waiting by the door. I slowly walk over to the door. Fast enough so we won't end up being late, but slow enough that I don't have to face high school as early as life wants me to.

Tori sighs and pushes me along to the car. I get in, slowly as well, and buckle up. As we are driving along, Tori starts to talk to me. "Bea, I already notified the other teachers to call you Tris and that you won't be able to talk. Is that alright?" she asks. I should've known Tori already had that covered before I even thought of it. She thinks ahead…VERY far ahead. And I'm grateful for that. I look at her and nod my head yes. I'm glad it's already taken care of….thanks to Tori.

She's like the sister I never had…almost like a sister. I guess? She is like a sister in a parently form? Huh? I don't even know how to explain it…she's not like my mom, never will be and she knows that, but she's like a part of my family. I love her, even though I can't say it.

I see Divergent High School up ahead. Before I know it, Tori has stopped the car, and I'm looking out the window, observing the kids in the parking lot. I know that every person is separated into one of 5 different "factions", as they call it. Tori told me that you get to choose which faction you join…but I don't know which faction. I hope to join somewhere, where I can at least partly belong in, and blend in as well. With no one noticing me, questioning me, or helping me. Just the way I like it.

I keep searching the school ground until I find all 5 factions. I finally find them, and start see the 5 different groups…they are large too. I see kids in red, yellow, and orange. They look peaceful, playing games, giggling and laughing, telling one another jokes, and girls playing with the other's hair. I automatically know that I won't be choosing them. Too…"Happy and giggly" for my taste.

I soon spot another. I asked Tori about this faction once…she said they always tell the truth, whether or not it's what you want to hear. They wear black and white. It reminds me of a jail cell. Trapped in their own honesty and blandness to know what is going on outside of the cell. Never being able to tell a lie, again. I know FOR SURE that I won't be joining their faction. Absolutely not. That is a big N-O.

I see another. They wear blue and almost every one of them wears glasses. They hold books close to their chest. Some are reading them. I see titles on their books, about anything and everything! Titles like, "Water Irrigation and Every Way It Can Be Used", "Photosynthesis (Expanded Version)", and even things like, "101 Ways To Use The Periodic Table and It's Elements" It doesn't seem as bad as the other two…If nothing else, this is a faction I could join. This is the faction that Caleb would've joined…It can't be THAT bad… right?

I quickly realize what I just thought. It brings tears to my eyes to think about it. I blink them back, because I know that if one tear drops, 100 more will follow it. I distract myself by looking for the other 2 factions.

I find the other one. They wear gray and sit alone by a building. What are they doing? What is this faction's purpose?

I look back at Tori and point to them, having a confused look on my face, I'm sure. She quickly figures out what I want to know and says, "That is the selfless faction. They put all others before themselves. They don't play games, ask one another for help, or look in mirrors, as it is considered selfish. Which goes against their rules."

I look back at them and think of how easy it would be to blend in with them. Just disappear into the wave of gray. No one pays attention to them, and I wouldn't be bothered by anyone from the faction, anyways. It's too "selfish". I think about it then come to a conclusion.

I don't want to join this faction…to live my life in this faction would only make my situation worse. Plus I wear black and own nothing gray. Except for my mother's shirts…but I would never wear those to high school. Never. I wouldn't risk it.

As I rule that faction out, I start to look for the last one, but for some reason, can't find them. About 5 minutes later, I see a huge wave of black start running towards the school. What are they doing!? I see different people do flips, cartwheels, and climb the building. How do they get away with this!?

I look over at Tori and she slightly chuckles. I must have a look of confusion and awe on my face, because Tori starts to explain. "Those are the Dauntless. They are kind of like brave, daring, careless, and athletic all mixed together."

Hmmm… maybe I could fit in with this faction…I don't know if I'm brave or athletic, but I'm DEFINITELY daring and careless. That describes me perfectly. I need more information first, though, before I make any rash decisions.

I give Tori a look as if to say "Go on…" I see her raise an eyebrow, obviously knowing that I'm interested. "Well…they like to climb buildings, play truth or dare, they ALWAYS wear black, and they don't pay much attention to anyone else, outside of their faction or friend circle." She says.

I think about it. I wear black all the time, I don't really want to be noticed, which doesn't seem like it will be a problem, since they don't interact with anyone outside of their friend circle.

I know I don't want friends. They are just fake. They will turn around and stab you in the back in the end. All the "friends" that I once had did. Friendship is just an excuse to gain things you need through other people. Using them to your advantage.

Especially boyfriends. They're the same, but worse. I had one before…and let's just say it didn't go well. At all. He used me to his advantage…but in a much crueler way. I didn't have the desire or need for one after that. I don't want one. I can function without anybody else. Always have been this way. Always will be this way. I may not function properly, but you can't blame me. I've been through a lot.

My mind turns back to the Dauntless. I'm not afraid of heights, so I could climb. I don't really play truth or dare, but that goes back to the "Friendship" fake relationship thing. And I don't talk. So that's ruled out. I don't pay attention to anyone else either, once again. Back to the fake "Friendship" crap. And "Boyfriend" stuff.

All in all, I think I want to be in Dauntless. I think I would fit in well with them. At least, as much as possible, anyways. Sure, I could fit in just as easily with the Erudite and Abnegation, but I think I like Dauntless better than any of those. Those factions are just there as a last minute option. If I need one.

Tori snaps me out of my thoughts again. "Do you know what faction you would like to join yet, Bea?" she asks. I do know. I look at the Dauntless again. I know I want to one of them.

I look over at Tori and nod. She looks surprised, but not surprised at the same time. Like she knew which faction I would pick, but didn't know I'd make the decision so quick. I surprised myself too. I never usually make decisions like this that quickly.

"Well…which faction do you want?" she asks. I know she already knows, but wants to make sure. I make sure Tori follows my movements when I do the next thing.

When I know she is, I look out the window to where the Dauntless stand. Or should I say jump, flip, and run. And I point. When I look back over at Tori, she looks proud. Proud of me. This makes me smile a bit.

"Well," she says, "Should we go inside so you can tell the principal your decision?" I nod my head yes.

We get out of the car. Each step I take gets closer to the school. Each step also brings a new rack of nervousness into my stomach. I feel sick. I force myself to keep moving, though.

By the time we get to the doors, I feel like throwing up. I quickly take a few deep breaths to calm down and slide down the wall for support. I close my eyes and will the splitting headache to go away. After about a minute it does.

When I open my eyes again, I see Tori's eyes staring straight into mine with a worried expression. "Are you sure you want to do this, Tris?" she asks. I nod my head yes. I know that I need to do this for me and for Tori.

Tori looks at me, searching my eyes, for any doubt or negativity. To make sure that I'm not lying about this. When she is sure I'm not, she nods and helps me up.

We head down to the office. When we get there, I see Tori walk off towards the principal. Tori and the principal are talking and muttering. Probably about me. They finally stop and the principal walks over towards me.

"Tris, this is Mrs. Matthews. She is the principal." Tori says. I look into Ms. Matthews eyes and once I stare in them long enough, I see that her eyes look caring and understanding.

If you weren't as good as a searcher for emotions as me, you wouldn't have been able to see that behind her mask of sensitivity, is cruelty and greed. I already know that we won't get along. Even if I don't talk.

"Hello, Tris. I am the principal of Divergent High School. I'm sure that we will get along great! You will love it here, I'm sure." Ms. Matthews says. "Now, Tori here, has already informed me that you don't talk. I have notified the other teachers. So they all will know by the time you get to your classes." She says. "I also hear that you know which faction you want to join?" she half questions, half states. I nod my head yes. Finally, something I can answer to that makes sense!

"Now, I need you to take a short little quiz before-hand, just so you can make sure you are making the right decision on choosing your faction. Ok?" she says. I nod my head yes. I hate quizzes, but I guess it won't kill me.

"I'll see you later Tris!" Tori says. Then she comes up and hugs me. While she is hugging me, she whispers, "I know you don't want any friends at the moment, but promise me that if someone tries to talk to you, please don't shrug them off right away. Give them a chance. I know that that the last friendship you had didn't end so well, but keep in mind that the people here are different people. They don't know your story, so they have nothing to judge you for. Please try."

Oh no. This isn't what I wanted! I don't need friends! Friends aren't real! I don't need them! But then again…It would be nice to have someone who is there for and someone to hang out with, and-wait. What am I thinking!? I don't need friends! Or do I? STOP TRIS!

I shake my head to clear my thoughts out of my head. I do need to try. Once at least. Tori is right…these people have no idea who I am. They don't even know my real name! I need to try for me, Tori, Caleb, Dad, and Mom. No matter how much it pains me to say it, they would want me to try at least once. And if trying doesn't work out, then I can just go back to being Tris.

I look at Tori and nod my head yes. She look relieved and shocked that I agreed. I guess I am surprising her a lot today. She smiles and says, "Thank you Tris. Thank you for trying." Then she walks out the door while saying, "Good luck, Tris." Then I'm left alone with a confused Ms. Matthews. Wonderful. She'll probably try to get me to talk. Not happening.

"Ok…" says Ms. Matthews. She clears her throat and the confused look wipes off her face. "Well then…shall we head to the office for your quiz?" she questions me. I nod my head yes and follow her back through confusing hallways. I probably wouldn't be able to find this place again for my life.

When we get there, I sit down on a chair in front of her desk. She then hands me a little sheet of paper and asks me to fill it out. I look at it and see it is asking me about how I dress, what my hobbies are, and what my personality is like…it must be for the factions! I quickly start to fill it out, hoping that I will qualify for the Dauntless.

_What is the color you mostly wear?_

That one was easy. Black. Of course.

_What do you like to do in your free time?_

Hmmm….this one was harder. What do I like to do in my spare time? Then I've got it. I'll put down what I like to do now and what I used to like doing in the past. I put down "I like to fight, help other people, like the homeless, and have my homework done before I do anything with family." Seems good enough…I did always like to have my homework done. On to the next one.

_What are your favorite moods?_

Huh? What are my favorite moods…? Oh! It means which moods do I like to be in! Huh. This is hard…I would like to be happy all the time, but I am not happy now. So I put down "I like to be angry, so I can take my anger out on punching bags, and I also like to be happy, even if it's just for a very short amount of time." Seems good enough.

_What personality traits do you think are most important?_

I know which ones are most important to me so I write down "I think the most important traits are being brave, selfless, and smart." That was the last question.

I hand the paper to a waiting Ms. Matthews, and wait to see what my test results are. After each question she reads, I see her face become more confusing than the last. Did I do something wrong?

When she finally is done, she sets the paper down in front of her and clears her throat. "Well, Tris…you have some very interesting test results." She says. She starts to look over it once again, until I give her a look as if to say, "Well, what are they!?" That snaps her out of it.

"You see, Tris, most people only get one result on their test. You, however, managed to get three." She says. I look at her, stunned. _"How would a plain, dull person like me get 3 results!? I don't need any more things to make me stand out!" _

As if she could read my mind, she says, "Your results are not told to the school. Don't worry." She says and I swear, for a moment, a saw a look of genuine kindness in her eyes. But it went away as soon as it came.

She gets down to business. "Tris, your results were for Abnegation, Erudite and-" she is saying. As she is saying this, I am thinking _"Please be Dauntless. Please be Dauntless." _"-and Dauntless."

_"__YES!"_ I think. "Tris, you are allowed to choose any faction, but I highly recommend that you choose one of your results." Ms. Matthews says. I know what I am going to choose even before she asks.

She puts down the paper in front of me, which I can see has Dauntless, Erudite, and Abnegation written on it. "Now, which one will it be, Tris?" she questions. I look at the paper, then at Ms. Matthews, then at the paper again. I lower my index finger and point to one word. That one word is Dauntless.

To other people, Dauntless may seem like just a place where you are expected to fit in, and belong, and fight until your heart's content. But to me, it is a new beginning.

A chance to start my life over again.

**Hey guys! I am so so so so so so so so so so sorry that I haven't updated in forever! This week has been REALLY busy and crazy. I had longer volleyball practices, then I had my first game yesterday, and tomorrow I have a party to go to AND I'm going with some of my friends to Manhattan tomorrow night! So I'm sorry if this wasn't that great, but I was trying my best to write in my free time! And I felt rushed, so I hope the story wasn't too rushed either. It felt like I let you guys down. Sorry again! But are any of you guys going to the K-State Volleyball game? If you are please tell me in a review of PM me! Maybe we would see each other! Maybe? But anyways…please review and give me some ideas! I also had really bad writer's block….but I will try to update ASAP! Until then, Audios Amigos!:)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey! I've got another chapter for you! I'm sorry I haven't updated for a while….I was busy this whole weekend and week! I feel so bad! I hope you can forgive me! I had 2 home games for volleyball, practices are longer-5:45 instead of 5:15-, a bunch of homework, and I was literally busy every minute of the day on Sunday. I had to go to youth group in the morning and afternoon, go to church, then I went to go see "The Game Stands Tall" (Which was very good, by the way), then I had to weed-eat for my dad, and I had to work on homework. Then, I had a family reunion, then today I h am babysitting my brother… Those may not be very good excuses and I'm sorry again…but I do have a life outside of Fanfiction…I wish I could write all the time for you guys…but sadly, I can't. I'm going to try to update 1-2 times a week…but no promises! But anyways…here is Chapter 6!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Divergent I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about it….now would I? **

**Chapter 6**

**Tris POV**

Mrs. Matthews looks surprised when I point to Dauntless. I guess she must just be surprised that I picked the "ruthless" faction, instead of a selfless or smart one. I thought about Erudite, I really did, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I needed to be in Dauntless.

Mrs. Matthews wipes the look of initial and utter confusion look off her face. I can see her eyes are dark with hatred….why would she hate me? Did I so something wrong? I only picked Dauntless….she clears her throat, making me snap out of my thoughts. Ya…this happens way too often. I'm going to have to fix that.

"Ok then, Tris. Are you sure you want to be a Dauntless? You have great potential to become an Erudite, you know…" Mrs. Matthews says. I don't know why she is saying this…why is she trying to get me to be an Erudite? I want to be Dauntless…that's what I picked! Why does she look surprised to see me choose Dauntless!?

Then it hits me. She doesn't think I'm strong enough to make it in Dauntless. Usually, I would agree with her, but since I don't like her, I'm going to prove her wrong. I WILL make it into Dauntless. I WILL prove her wrong.

I look her in the eyes, making sure my eyes look angry and without a trace of doubt in them, and vigorously nod my head yes. She looks surprised that someone as small as me can have that much ferociousness inside her. "Oh, Mrs. Matthews," I think, "You haven't seen ANYTHING yet."

I continue to glare at her until she gets the message. She clears her throat again. Man, how many times does this woman clear her throat in a day? I'd like to know. She looks at me and says, "Ok, Tris. I'll enter you in as Dauntless in our computer."

I watch as she furiously types away at a keyboard. She types so fast, I can barely register what she's doing. All I see are blurry fingers….they don't stay still for very long, before they move to a different key. Pretty soon, she stops.

"Ok. That is taken care of. You are now an official Dauntless." Mrs. Matthews says. Thank goodness. I thought I would be stuck here for hours before I would be able to get to class. The bell has already rang twice. One for the end of class bell, and one for the tardy bell. I'm excused of course, but I still want to get away from this lady. She is sort of creeping me out. "Ok. I have printed off your schedule. Would you like it now or at the conclusion of this meeting?" Mrs. Matthews asks. I hold up two fingers. "Later?" Mrs. Matthews asks. I nod my head yes.

I don't want another thing I just have to keep track of until I absolutely have to. Especially if it's for school.

"Ok. Well, I guess that I will review some of the rules with you that apply to Dauntless. If that's alright with you of course." Mrs. Matthews says. She looks at me with an expectant look. Well, might as well get it over with now. It's not like I'm going to listen anyways. I slightly nod. Mrs. Matthews starts her blabbering. "Ok! Well, some of the most important rules are…" I tune out right there. I have better things to think about than to listen to her blabber about some stupid rules. I doubt I'll even follow half of them.

I pretend I'm listening by nodding my head every so often. I put my head in my hands and suddenly wish that I could sleep with my eyes open. If I could, that's what I would be doing right now.

I tune back in when I hear Mrs. Matthews say, "And I think we are done discussing the rules. Any questions Tris?" I shake my head. If I would listen I would probably have a bunch, but I don't want to listen, let alone ask any questions I might have had. So I shake my head no. "Ok, then Tris. I think we are pretty much done here. Would you like your schedule now?" she asks. I nod my head this time.

I need it if it is the end of the meeting. Why would she ask? She knows that I need it. She even said that I needed it at the end of the meeting! Ugh. I think too much.

Mrs. Matthews just nods her head once, and starts to furiously type on her computer…again. Finally, a piece of paper starts to print. When it's done, she hands it to me. She starts to explain how the schedule is organized and blah, blah, blah. I tune out AGAIN, and just look at my schedule.

**1****st**** Period**

**Algebra 2- Mrs. Ritters**

**2****nd**** Period**

**World History- Mr. Prock**

**3****rd**** Period**

**Gym- Coach Amar**

**4****th**** Period**

**Art- Ms. Wu**

**Lunch**

**5****th**** Period**

**Chemistry-Mrs. Matthews**

Hmmm…I guess Mrs. Matthews teaches chemistry, too. Dang. I was hoping to never see her again. Oh well. I continue reading.

**6****th**** Period**

**AP English- Mr. Hayes**

**7****th**** Period**

**Music- Ms. Wu**

**Free Period**

**Locker #- 36J Combination- 26-6-40 Homeroom- Ms. Wu**

Well, I guess it doesn't look too bad. I have homeroom with Tori, along with music and art. I'll be looking forward to seeing her! At least I'll know I like 1 of the teachers…I already know I dislike Mrs. Matthews though. Oh boy. This is gonna be a long year.

I look back up at Mrs. Matthews. She looks like she is just watching me… doing what exactly? I don't have any clue. Why? I have no idea. Ask me at the end of the year, maybe then I'll know.

When Mrs. Matthews knows that I am done, she says, "Well….does your schedule look ok? Or do I need to change some of your classes?" I start to think. 1st period has already passed. It's towards the end of 2nd hour now. I don't really want to go to gym right now… I just want to see Tori. I haven't gone this long without seeing her before. Pathetic, I know. But, I'm not used to it yet. I think I want to switch Gym and Art.

I take out a pencil out of my book bag and draw a couple of arrows, from gym to art, indicating I want them switched around. When I'm done, I show Mrs. Matthews. "You want these classes swapped?" she asks. I nod my head yes. "Well, lucky for you, I can do that. Just give me a minute." She says.

Pretty soon, she says, "Ok. I have that changed for you. Anything else?" I shake my head. I'm happy with my schedule. As happy as I could be about a class schedule, anyways. The bell rings once again, signaling that 2nd period is over. "Ok," Mrs. Matthews says, "If you don't need anything else, I think that we are done here." I do anything, just wait for her to say something else.

Mrs. Matthews obviously senses this, and says, "Ok. I will write you a tardy pass, because I imagine that you will be late, after trying to open your locker and finding the classroom. And I could do something for you that would make it easier for you to find your classes and your locker, if you would like."

I wonder what this would be... I probably would need help finding everything. I doubt it could hurt. I need to hear more though, before I make a decision. I look at her, cocking my head slightly to the side, so I look curious, but confused at the same time. Hopefully, she gets the point.

Thankfully, she does, but it takes about a minute before she does. When she does she says, "I would send a guide down here. It would be a girl. She would show you to your classes today, so you could get the hang of where you need to be and when. Would you like me to do that?"

My first answer is no, and I'm about to say it when I remember what Tori said. _"I know you don't want any friends at the moment, but promise me that if someone tries to talk to you, please don't shrug them off right away. Give them a chance._ _I know that that the last friendship you had didn't end so well, but keep in mind that the people here are different people. They don't know your story, so they have nothing to judge you for. Please try." _

Her words repeat over and over again in my head. _"Give them a chance. Give them a chance. Give them a chance." _

I know I need to, because I promised Tori. I have broken a lot of promises in my life, but I have never broken one to Tori or Mom, Dad, or Caleb…. I need to do this for them and for Tori. They would be happy if I tried.

So I look up at Mrs. Matthews and nod my head yes. She looks relieved. "Ok, then. I will send a girl named Christina Kravitz down. She has almost the exact same schedule as you. And for the classes that you don't have with her, well, I know you'll be able to find because she has a whole group of friends that will happily show you your way. I'm not sure which one, but I do know one of them will. I will call for Christina right now. But let me warn you…she is kind of…how should I put this…obnoxious." She says. Then she nods as if approving her words and says again, "Very, very, obnoxious."

Obnoxious. What does she mean by that? Well, I guess I'll find out sooner or later. Then I remember something that Mrs. Matthews said. _"I know you'll be able to find because she has a whole group of friends that will happily show you your way."_

Oh no. She has A WHOLE GROUP of friends! That's not what I wanted! Maybe 1 or 2, but not a WHOLE GROUP! This is not going to be fun. _What if they push me for answers about my past? What if they make fun of me_? _What if_…stop it Tris. You can do this. I mean, how big of a group could it be? _It's probably a huge group! They might like me, but what if they find out my story? They wouldn't even come near me if they knew the truth. _STOP IT! _But what if-_

My internal battle is quickly stopped when I hear the door open and a girl my age walks in. She is very pretty. Probably about 5'5 to 5'6 feet tall, has very tan skin, has dark brown hair that comes to about shoulder-length. She has dark brown eyes as well. Very pretty. I wish I was that pretty. But sadly, I will never be as beautiful as her, or anyone else for that matter.

Suddenly, she starts talking. "So you must be the new girl! I've heard about you! I know we are just going to be besties! C'mon! Let me show you to your class, then you could meet some of my friends! I hear that we have most of the same classes together! EEK! This is gonna be so great! Finally, someone new that isn't a snob! My name is Christina! What is your name?!" By the time she finishes, Mrs. Matthews and I are both covering our ears, trying to block out some of the noise that Christina made. Well, now I know what Mrs. Matthews meant when she said she was obnoxious.

Mrs. Matthews quickly comes in and says, "This is Tris, Christina. Now, she doesn't talk, so please don't push her to. It is a very sensitive subject. Now, if you will, please show her to Art with Ms. Wu. I have given you both a tardy slip, though Ms. Wu should already know. But just in case she doesn't, here you go girls. These are for all day, also, as you will be showing her to class throughout the day, Christina."

She gives each of us a white slip that has some things filled out about meeting with the principal and being excused from bring tardy today. I don't really examine it real closely, I don't think it's that important. All I need to know is that it gets us an excuse for being tardy. This is probably the only time I'm thankful for Mrs. Matthews butting in. Christina probably would've been confused and hurt if I didn't talk to her.

"Ok, Tris! Let's go to your locker! Wait. Let me see your schedule! I need to see which classes we do and don't have together! And I wonder where your locker is..? I hope it's by mine! If it's not by mine I hope that it's by one of the gang's! The gang is AWESOME! You'll love them! I just know it! We are going to be AMAZING friends!" Christina says.

I'm glad that she didn't ask about my talking…I see the confused look in her eyes. I guess Tori was right though…the people here ARE different than the people at my old school. Maybe we will get to know each other better. I probably won't go as far as _friends _yet, but I will keep it in mind. Just like Tori asked of me.

I nod my head, yes. I look at Christina and she doesn't look hurt at all by my non-talking thing. Just confused.

"Where _is_ your locker anyways? And you still haven't given me your schedule!" Christina questions. I hand her my schedule, so 1. She will stop bugging me about it. 2. So she will stop talking for a minute. And 3. So she can get the answers to the questions she all asked.

When she is done reading it, she turns, looks at me and says, "Well…we have 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th period with you. The only period I don't have with you is free period. Your locker is 4 away from me! Not too far, but it's far enough." As she says that, she makes a little pouty face, but it quickly disappears as she says the next thing…"Your locker is right next to Uriah's though. He's in the gang. He is sort of the daring and funny one, along with his brother, Zeke. You'll meet them later! I can't wait until you do!" she exclaims.

I'm suddenly glad that I'm not by a person who doesn't know me and will make fun of me. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it's kind of hard. It makes the cutting a whole lot worse. So I look at her and nod, again. I also give her the tinniest little smile. In fact, it's so small that I don't think she would see it. So I try to make it a little bigger, by thinking of all the opportunities I can get at this school. She sees this, and smiles a huge smile back. It's such a big smile, that I swear I would be able to see it from miles away. Her teeth are pearly white also, so I could probably see the sparkling from miles away, also.

"Well, Tris. We are here. This is your locker! This is mine, right down here." She says and starts walking a couple of lockers away, until she suddenly stops. "Well, this is it. See? I'm not that far away from you! YAY!" she yells. I almost cover my ears again, but by the time I made the decision, she was done screaming. Then, she starts to enter her combination into her locker.

When she is successful, I see decorations EVERYWHERE. There are pictures crowding the door of her locker, a mini marker board in the back, a little chandelier at the top of it, shelves for her books, I'm guessing, and duct tape and wallpaper all over. It covers every inch of her locker. There are also homemade covers for the different books she has. I wonder how long this took to make!? I know that I won't decorate mine really at all…maybe a drawing here and there, but that's not much.

I look at her with a shocked face. How did she do this all!? She must see this because she says, "Oh, I had some help from the gang. The boys weren't really excited about it…the girls and I mostly did the work. The wallpaper and duct tape we made the boys do though."

Oh, okay. I understand now. Of course she had help from the 'gang'. It makes so much more sense now.

I nod at Christina. "Ok, Tris. You ready to try and open your locker?" Christina asks. I might as well try now…I'll get to Tori's sooner. So I nod my head yes and start to walk over to it.

Once I get there, I look at my schedule. I see the locker combo at the bottom of the page and try to open my locker. _"26-6-40" _I think to myself. I fail the first and second time, but on my third try, I finally get it open. "Good job, Tris! That's the best anyone has ever done for their first time trying! These lockers are a pain in the arse. I swear they are jinxed, so you are late to all of the classes that have the strictest teachers. It's happened to me so many times! I hope it isn't as bad this year as last year though…last year I had over 25 tardies! Ugh." Christina says.

I know what she means. It happened to me plenty of times over the years. I can only hope that these lockers aren't going to be as hard to get open as the last locker I had. I'm crossing my fingers.

"You ready to head to class?" Christina asks. I nod my head yes and we make our way towards Tori's classroom.

When we get there, I open the door, and see a whole bunch of people staring at me and Christina. Probably because we are late. Still…that's no reason to look at us like we just murdered somebody! I swear…people these days. I got worse looks though…so I can live with this.

"Ah. There you are Christina and Tris! Take a seat! It's not assigned seating, so take a seat anywhere you would like." Tori says, breaking the stares from part of the class. Not all of them, but most of them. She looks over at me, slightly smiling, knowing that I am giving someone a chance this time around.

Christina starts to head over to a table with only a couple of people sitting at it. When we get there, she sits down, so I do the same. These must be some of her friends, if she's choosing to sit here.

"Now, class, since this is the first day, I'm going to let you talk for the rest of class period. Just don't get TOO loud, otherwise the Erudite next door will be very annoyed. I trust you! Don't make me regret it! Or I will assign homework every day, for the rest of your time here!" Tori says. Then she winks, so the class knows that she is just messing with us. I knew she was messing around, probably because I know her so well, but some of the class apparently didn't. Those were ones with scared and shocked faces, but quickly faded away when they saw her wink. Most everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

"Ok! I hope you know I will never do that! Now you can start talking, drawing, or whatever you want to do! But please do something!" Tori says. As she said that last part, she looked over towards me. It was a pleading look. Well…I won't talk, but I can listen. So I do.

"Hey guys! This is Tris! She's new here! She's going to be hanging with us! That is ok, right?" Christina says. Two girls and a guy look me over. "Hey Tris! I'm Marlene! This will be great! Another girl for our gang! YES! Great job picking her out, Christina!" Marlene says. She seems nice enough.

Good. At least I know 2 people now don't hate my guts.

"Hey Tris! I'm Shauna, and like Marlene, I am SO happy that another girl has finally joined!" Shauna says. _"3, people…"_ I think. And then I look over at the last one. HE has deep, ocean-blue eyes that I feel like I could just sink into if I stare long enough at them. He is very muscular and has dark brown-almost black- hair.

His voice snaps me out of it. "Hi, Tris. Welcome to the gang." He says. What is his name? He never told me. I look at him with an expectant look, hoping it won't take much more.

It doesn't take him very long at all….almost as short as it does for Tori. Maybe he will kind of understand me….maybe? Maybe, just maybe, he likes me enough to understand me like this. Oh, I need to stop thinking like this. No one, and I repeat NO ONE will want to go out with an ugly, broken girl like me. Especially him.

I was thinking about a mile a minute, when he opens his mouth to speak again. He says, "Oh, ya! Sorry, I sorta forgot. I'm Four." Four? That's one I haven't heard of before…but who am I to judge? I simply nod at him.

I look to Christina, Shauna, Marlene, and Four, over and over again, while thinking, _"Maybe this won't be such a bad year after all."_

**I am so so so so sorry for not updating! I'm sorry if the end wasn't very good. I am currently rushing to type this up. I have to go to an orthodontist appointment in 2 minutes! So sorry again for not updating. Once volleyball season is over, I will update more often. So sorry if I let any of you down! Forgive me? I'm gonna have a review goal…just cause I think it would be fun! But it's not like I am NOT gonna update if I don't reach it…so it's not forced! So is it too much to ask, if I say my goal is 32 reviews? I hope not! But, until next time, BYE PEOPLES!:)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey! So I have been typing a little bit of this chapter piece by piece every night…so I hope it isn't like that in the story! I've reread it many times…but I can't really judge my own work. So ya…here is Chapter 7! Once again, sorry for updating so late. Volleyball season is almost over guys! Hang with me!**

**Disclaimer: Ugh. Seriously! Does this have to be said every time! I do not own Divergent, and nor will I ever. As sad as it is. That's just reality folks.**

**Chapter 7**

**Tris POV**

After meeting Marlene, Shauna, and Four, they all sit there talking. Well…everyone except Four. I found out that he doesn't talk much either. He just sits there, taking everything they are saying, and processing it in his brain. Every once in a while, he smiles or chuckles. But he never fully laughs or gives a huge grin. Just enough so you know that he isn't dead.

I start to wonder why that is…I mean, when Four was talking to me, I am pretty sure that that was the most he has said. It's probably nothing though. It's just me and my crazy, unrealistic thoughts. Me and him…nope. It's never gonna happen. Who would want me!? Nobody. Absolutely, no one. No one has ever wanted me, and they never will. Well except for Eric…never mind.

I force my thoughts to go back to the original question…why doesn't he talk much here? Maybe it's because they are girls? No. I'm a girl and he talked to me a lot. Hmm….

I know Four would probably want nothing to do with me. Wait- what am I thinking! Remember Tris!? Boyfriends are just an excuse for boys to use you and to get what they want. That's all. Yep! Four is no different! He was talking to me more because he was just being polite. _"Exactly Tris. He was just trying to be polite. I mean, no one would ever want you anyways! Who wants a broken, ugly girl, who looks like she is 12 instead of 16! Who is selfish, weak, a coward, broken, lonely, friendless, doesn't talk-"_says a little voice in my head. I try to cut it off, but the list keeps on going. The reasons echo in my head loudly. _"Ugly, a coward, weak, selfish, friendless, lonely, don't look my age, lonely, bad social status, not popular, doesn't talk, looks like she is 12, doesn't eat, _-" the voice in my head suddenly stops because of another noise talking its place.

It is replaced by a feminine voice. "Tris? Tris! Earth to Tris! Are you ok!? Tris?!" it says. I try to pull myself out of my thoughts, just enough so I can respond. I finally succeed enough just to nod. I see her worried eyes looking at me still, but eventually, she goes back to talking with the girls. She must know that I'm not going to give her an explanation.

I try to stop it, but the voice in my head keeps going. It keeps the cruel list going…on and on and on. _"Ugly. Stupid. Selfish. Dumb. A coward. Weak. 12 year old." _It says.

I keep trying to pull out of it, and it takes a while, but I finally succeed. The voice is very distant now. I can faintly hear it, though, and know that there will be some new cuts added to my collection tonight.

I have tried to stop cutting. I really have! But it's just impossible. My family is gone. I have Tori, but it's not the same. I still blame myself for what happened. I should've warned them earlier! Just like Dad said…in my dreams (or nightmares. Whatever you want to call them.) And even if I didn't, I still could've tried! I could've called 911 earlier, instead of having someone else do it for me, who was just a witness! If I were at home right now, there would be at least 3 cuts added already. Unfortunately though, I don't and can't have anything sharp here. I better save these thoughts for home, otherwise I might have a breakdown Right here. Right now.

I decide I better take a look at everybody. I look up and see the girls STILL talking, but Four is looking at me with a worried expression. Why would he be worried about me? "_He's just faking it Tris. No one cares about you!" _the voice says. It's probably right. Eric acted like the perfect gentleman; he was polite (sometimes), honest (or so I thought he was at the time), respected me (for a little while), and always would say I was beautiful. A lie. Lie after lie after lie. And I didn't know. I was so stupid! How could I have let that happen!

I start to dig my nails into my wrist, hoping that it would draw some blood. But unfortunately, my nails are very short because one of my habits is to bite my nails. Dang. I start to give up when the voice comes back. It says, _"That's right, Beatrice. Give up just like the day you gave up on your family! You really are a worthless piece of junk."_

I feel tears start to come to my eyes, but I blink them back and try to ignore what the voice just said. Although, I know it was right.

I manage to avoid a replay of the list, and look at Four again. He's still wearing the same look. I know he is faking it! I just know it! …Right? I don't know anything anymore. I probably will never get the truth again, anyways. So why does it matter?

I see Tori start to walk over here and I quickly meet her eyes. I'm hoping that I could just sit by her for a little bit, but act as if I have to. So she would have to ask me. I'm hoping she gets it with the quick eye contact. I have a pleading look in my eyes, and look over at her desk, then look at the one I'm sitting at now. Lucky for me, she gets it.

"Tris? Can you come sit by me for a little bit? I need to get some information from you since you're a new student here, and tell you some rules and guidelines that Mrs. Matthews seemed to have forgotten to tell you. Is that ok?" Tori asks. I nod my head yes quickly. I hope it wasn't too quick though…I don't want anyone finding out ANY of my past. Not yet.

I stand up and follow her to her desk. As we are walking, I feel many pairs of eyes, burning through my skull. I shake off the feeling and pull up a chair and sit by her at the desk.

So it looks like she is actually telling me the things that she said she needed to, she starts to ask me questions. But they aren't informational at all. Obviously. "So Tris," Tori starts to ask quietly, so the other students wouldn't be able to hear, "I see you've made a couple of friends?" She says that more as a question than a statement. Probably wanting me to confirm.

Well…I guess I have. For now. Christina, Marlene, Shauna, and Four. And maybe more to come at lunch time. I don't know how many will actually put up with me and how many will like me. I guess four people like me…Christina for sure. She was the first one that saw my smile. I actually appreciated her. It wasn't much of a smile, but it was something.

I look up at Tori and hold up four fingers. Indicating that I've made four friends. Then I slowly put down 3 of them, hoping that Tori will know that I have made one TRUE friend. She does and she gives me a huge smile. "See? I told you that not all people are the same!" she says. I guess she did. But I haven't even known them for an hour yet. They could easily turn away. So I just look at her and shrug my shoulders. She sighs, obviously hating that I didn't give in to her statement.

"Tris, when are you going to learn that people can like you and WILL like you? Those 4 people sitting right over there, accepted you without a second thought. They didn't hesitate to bring you into their friend circle! That's what true friends would do Tris! I know that you may not believe this now, but none of what happened is your fault. I know that you think it is, and it's been weighing your shoulders down. You've gone through too much for your age. Your only 16 for goodness sake! You shouldn't have had to go through that! It's not your fault! Our neighbors know it, your family knows it, I know it! Heck! Even strangers who read the newspaper or watched the news know it! Everyone seems to know it except for you. And that breaks my heart. I don't know how you've managed to put together that what happened was your fault, and I really don't want or need to know, because no matter what you say, nothing will change the fact that it wasn't your fault." Tori says.

What does she mean that it isn't my fault!? It is my fault! All of it! I thought everyone knew that! But according to Tori, no one does. I look down, refusing to look her in the eye. I don't want to see the dishonesty or pity in her eyes. She sighs, but continues to speak.

"You've always took the blame for everything, even when you were younger. When you and Caleb would get into trouble, you would take the blame because you thought it was the right thing to do and it was selfless, which was what you were taught to be. You would take the blame even when everyone knew that it wasn't you. You may not know it, but you are the most selfless person I've ever met in my entire life. You are an amazing girl, but you refuse to acknowledge it!" she says. Her voice gets even softer. "You are beautiful, selfless, brave, strong, and so many more things Beatrice. You are wonderful, but you refuse to acknowledge it. You're strong and brave, but refuse to believe it. You are selfless, but you don't even know it. You have a wonderful and beautiful sliver of Beatrice in you and you and I both know it. Beatrice is brave, selfless, strong, creative, beautiful, the list goes on. Beatrice is beautiful. Tris is beautiful. You are Tris. You are Beatrice. You're the same person. But you decided to make the dark side of you come out. And I know that I probably shouldn't be telling you all this, when I know that I probably would've ended up doing the same thing. But I need to tell you because you are beautiful. You are a beautiful person inside and out. That side of you is beautiful. But you always forget to show it." Tori says.

A tear streams down my face, not for her speech, and not because I believe her. But because of what she thinks I'm capable of. I know I'm not strong or beautiful or any of the things she said I was. But I do know that I once had a pretty side to me. A selfless and beautiful Beatrice. But I am Tris now. Ugly, broken, and someone you wouldn't dare to mess with. I'm not saying I'm proud of it, but I know that I am not going to go back to being Beatrice anytime soon. If there is any time at all, for a matter of fact.

I wipe off my tear and look at Tori. She is smiling a sad smile. She knows I don't believe her. But I need to show her that I am glad she said what she said. I give her one of my biggest smiles yet and look over at the room. Tori and I have seemed to play it off like it really was rules and regulations we were talking about, because nobody is looking over here anymore. Except for Four. Oh well. It's not like he would care anyways.

So since no one but Four is watching, I reach over and give Tori a hug. It's a quick hug, but I haven't ever really hugged Tori before. You can tell it catches her by surprise, but she soon hugs me back. It's a quick hug and we both let go at the same time. The bell rings right at that moment, so I smile one last time at Tori, and walk out the door. I'm just glad I have her as my teacher for 2 classes.

Christina, Marlene, Shauna, and Four all catch up to me pretty quickly. "so Tris, you ARE sitting with us at lunch, right?" Christina asks me. I nod my head yes. It's not like I'm going to be able to sit anywhere else. "YAY!" Marlene, Shauna, and Christina yell at the same time. "Tris! Let me see your schedule!" Marlene says. I dig in my book bag for a few seconds before finding the schedule and handing it to her.

After studying it for a little while she says, "Well it looks like I have 4th, 5th, and 7th period with you! It's better than nothing I guess…" She hands it to Shauna next. "I have 1st, 4th, and 7th period with you!" Shauna says. Then last but not least, they hand it to Four.

For some reason, I feel nervous. "Why are you nervous, Tris!? He's just a friend! If that!" I say to myself. I can't shake the nervous feeling off though, so I just do my best to ignore it.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, he says, "Huh! I have 1st, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 7th, and free period with you! Almost all of them!"

What!? He has almost as many classes with me as Christina! The only periods he doesn't have with me are 2nd and 6th. But it is only one less class than Christina, because he has free period with me. So that makes 6 classes in all with him! Wow. I wasn't expecting that. Not at all.

I simply nod at all of them. Shauna, Marlene, and Four. "Wait, Tris. What is your locker number?" Shauna asks.

To answer her question I hold up 3 fingers first, then after she nods her head, I hold up 6. "36?" She questions. I nod my head yes. Then she has a follow-up question. "Oh. So you're by Uriah...right?" Once again nod my head yes. "Well, I'm only 5 lockers away from you. I'm locker number 41." Shauna says. "Ya." says Marlene. "I'm locker number 34. So I'm right next to Uriah! We are only two lockers away from each other!"

Wow. I'm surrounded by all these people! Seriously!? How is this even possible? I guess I'm not mad about it. I mean…I'd much rather be next to them than by a slut or a bully…ya. I'm not mad at all actually, now that I think about it.

Four starts to talk. "I'm only 2 lockers away from you also. I'm locker number 38." He says. After he says that, we all have seem to have made it to our lockers. I try to put in my combination, but for some reason, I can't get it open as easily. Ugh. Just my luck. Make a fool out of myself in front of my maybe soon-to-be friends. Great.

Out of my frustration, I kick the locker a couple of times. Suddenly, I hear chuckling coming from straight behind me. I whip around and see Four standing there with an amused look on his face. "You know," he says, "kicking it won't help make it open any sooner." I'm sure I blush a deep color of red, because I hear him chuckle again. I didn't think that anybody ever saw my frustration kick. "Do you need help?" he asks. I bet I blush a darker shade of red, but I nod my head yes.

He puts his hand on the small of my back and pushes me away, gently of course, out of the way of the lock, so he can get to it. "What is your combination?" he asks. I figure that it would just be easier and quicker if I show him my schedule, instead of holding up my fingers. So I do. He tries putting in the combination, just once, and it opens.

I must have an incredulous look on my face because he just laughs. I look up at him then at my locker, hoping he will tell me how he did it. He gets it, just like earlier, and starts to explain. "Well, your locker is like mine. It is in the main area of the heater behind the wall, so it gets stuck real easily. All you have to do to get it open is put pressure on the lower part of the locker. Like, put your knee up against it or something as you open it. You get used to it after a while." He says. Now I feel stupid. Why didn't I think of that? I face palm. He just chuckles again and says, "Should we go to lunch now?" I nod my head yes and we head to the cafeteria.

He leads me there, making sure to give me a gradual tour as we go along. If we pass by one of my classes, he'll point it out and tell me which class it is. Pretty soon, we have made it down to the cafeteria. Then I realize that I still am not hungry. I know I should eat something, but I'm just not hungry. What should I do?! What will they think!? I take a deep breath through my nose and tell myself not to panic or stress over it too much.

I wave bye to Four and he smiles at me and goes toward the lunch line while I go to an extra cart, filled with fruit, ice cream, nachos, sandwiches, and a lot of other things. I think this is the cart for if you don't like the lunch that the school is serving that day. It must be. I get into that line and grab an apple through it. I pay for it at the end of the line and wait for Four to get out of the other lunch line so he can show me where everyone sits.

Soon enough, I see him walk out of it. When he sees me he waves me over and starts to walk toward a table in the back. I follow him to one of the very back tables, where I see a bunch of Dauntless sit. It doesn't surprise me. When we are almost there, I see 4 guys and 1 girl that don't look familiar. 2 of the guys look related...brothers I'm guessing.

Then, I see the girl. She has her head shaved…I wonder why she did that? Her face and eyes are pretty…I bet she would look even more pretty with her natural hair. Who am I to talk though? I did it too…changed my natural hair. I changed and dyed my hair. I wasn't pretty though…so it wouldn't have made a difference on whether or not I did change it.

Then I hear a, "TRIS! Tris! Four! We are over here! C'mon guys!" Christina. I would know that voice anywhere. Plus, no one in their right mind would scream at the top of their lungs at some one less than 5 feet away.

I look over at Four and he has this annoyed look on his face. I don't blame him. I probably have the same look on my face also.

We both sit down. He sits down next to me and 1 of the 2 possible brothers. I sit between him and Christina. Like I had another choice when Christina is here.

"Hey guys! This is Tris. She's the new girl! She's gonna be hanging with us from here on out! She's my new best friend! So. If any of you object to her, you'll have me to mess with me," says Christina. At the last sentence, she has a death glare on her face and I think everyone around the table is frightened that she could make another face than her usual happy, girly one. No one wants to mess with an angry Christina. I mean, I am an awesome fighter and even **I **wouldn't dare to mess with Christina.

The whole table is silent for a little while. Obviously everyone else thinks the same way. DO NOT mess with Christina in her serious state. You could die overnight without knowing what hit you. She's scary, but I've got to admit; the girl can scare the chizz out of people when she needs to.

"No objections? OK. OK. Good. I didn't think there were," says Christina after about 5 minutes of silence. "Now, you can continue your conversations!" she says. Slowly, everyone at the table starts to talk again. I just silently watch and take a bite out of my apple.

They all are constantly laughing with each other and it reminds me of better times. When I was as careless and carefree as them. Without a worry in the world. When someone would always be by my side, no matter what. When I was Beatrice. Sweet, careless, worriless, creative, and fun as them.

Memories start to flood and it seems like each memory is an eternity, when really, it is only a few seconds. Each memory is as painful as the last. Each memory starts to make me think of all of my flaws and how I could've still been living that life if I wouldn't have been as stupid as I was. I should've warned them, I should've spent more time with them, I should've been more aware of real life, I should've done so many things that I didn't. But now it's too late. And the worst part is that I can't change anything. I have to live my shitty life how it is. Nobody can change that. And that's what hurts the most.

Suddenly, everything starts to become too overwhelming and I take my half-eaten apple and run. I run away from the table where they sit laughing, I run away from my thoughts, I run away from cafeteria, I run away from reality. I'm not sure where I will end up, but I'm sure it will probably be Tori. I can't be around anyone else right now. And come to think of it, I don't even want Tori to see what a mess I am. I don't want anyone near me right now. So I keep running. And once again, I am a stupid, ugly, broken little girl, who runs away from her problems, instead of facing them. A stupid, ugly, broken little girl.

**Hey I hoped you liked it! I had writer's block towards the end so I'm sorry if it wasn't what you expected! I'm supposed to be in bed right now, so I'm going to make this quick. I went paintballing with my youth group from church, and the last round we played was capture the flag! I was actually thinking about Divergent the whole time and every time I would get scared to move cause someone on the other team was close to me, I would think "I AM DAUNTLESS!" and run…I actually said it out loud one time and everyone thought I was crazy. Well, except for my friend. She knew what I was talking about and just was laughing her butt off. But I never got hit!;) So that's a good thing! My team won…it was girls against boys!;) GO GIRLS! But I guess that's all…so until next time…SEE YOU! THIS DAUNTLESS GIRL IS OUT! PEACE!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Yes…I know it's been a long time. But volleyball season ends on October 11! So in a little bit, I should be updating more often! I swear! And there will be a little bit of Fourtris in this chapter! I think I've made your Fourtris wait long enough!;) So that'****s really all I have to say…so without further ado, here is Chapter 8!:)**

**Disclaimer- **

**Me: Do it Zeke! I'm tired of it!**

**Zeke: Do I get your Dauntless Cake if I do? *Smiles evily***

**Me: *Pretends to think about it* Ok! I promise to give you my Dauntless cake! *Says it while crossing her fingers***

**Zeke: YES! *Didn't see her crossing her fingers* Ok, Aubrey doesn't own any of Divergent or the awesome ZEKE PEDRAD! Now give me your Dauntless cake!**

**Me: *Laughs evil while allowing her crossed fingers to show* BWA HA HA!**

**Zeke: NO! GIVE ME IT! I'm your bestest friend! Please?! **

**Me: Maybe...*Shoves whole thing in her mouth* **

**Zeke: *Tackles her***

**Chapter 8**

**Tris POV**

I keep running, ignoring everyone calling after me. Eventually, I find a dark hallway that I don't think anyone uses anymore. Either that, or no one knows about it. I don't have a problem with either situation.

I start walking now, convinced that no one is following me. I see several doors, and I try to open each one. Every door is locked except for the one furthest down the hallway. I open that one and walk in. It's dark and empty. It looks like really tiny. In fact…it looks TOO tiny to have been an actual room. I think this must lead to another room somehow. Maybe I'm wrong…but I don't think I am.

In Tori's house, I found a secret passageway leading to an awesome little room. It's not very big, but there were beanbag chairs and rugs. It was homey. I go there if I need some alone time. I think I'll probably go there today. Most likely. I don't ever get comfortable though. I don't deserve it. I shoved the chairs and rugs into a corner and left them there to gather up dust.

I found the room not too long ago. It was in the middle of the night when I had just woke up. I woke up because of my daily nightmare. I was trying not to wake Tori up, so I went out to the hallway and ran my fingers along the walls. As I was running my fingers across, I felt a little bump in one of the panels. I stopped and took a closer look and saw that there was a faded outline of a shape. I tried to pull it open.

I did get it open, but when I did, a big cloud of dust blew out of it. I left it open and got a rag, then went back to it and cleaned it up a little. Once I did, I saw a really tiny light at the bottom of it. I decided to investigate. I climbed in and started heading towards the tiny light. Once I got there I saw the little room. It was really cozy and made me feel peaceful for just a second. But then I remembered that I shouldn't deserve peace or coziness and shoved the rugs and bean bag chairs into a corner. I made sure to make it all black. Including the walls. It's the only color I will wear anyways.

Snapping out of my thoughts, I start searching for a crease or a crack in the walls. I mean, there has got to be a secret passage in here! The room can't be THAT small...can it?

I search for about 20 minutes and I almost give up when I feel a crack in the wall that doesn't run the same way as the other panels do. I start to push on it, but it won't budge. I try pulling, but it will won't budge! What else is there to try!

I think a little bit, then I think of sliding the panel. I've tried everything else so it has to be this! If this doesn't work then I must've been wrong about this passage way! I try sliding it to the left and the right. Back and forth, back and forth. I eventually hear a little creak, and start sliding harder.

I work on it for quite awhile, and it eventually opens enough for me to get through. I'm not sure whether to climb in or not though...if I go in I'm afraid I will never come back out. If I leave it open though, no one should close the door and it most definitely will not close on its own, judging on how hard it was to get it open. I decide that I will climb in. I mean, what have I got to lose? Absolutely nothing. Except for my life. But I would actually be grateful if this tunnel took my life. I wouldn't have to live my shitty life anymore. But I can only hope.

I start climbing in, and I'm lucky I don't eat much, because if I did, I wouldn't be able to fit in this thing. I start crawling farther and farther into the darkness and after a long, LONG, time, I finally see a light glowing of into the distance.

The tunnel ceiling starts to slant up, just enough so I can stand and walk the rest of the way. I keep moving, and I hear water. Water? I climbed all this way for WATER! Well, that's just my luck. Bad luck. It probably will never change.

Maybe I'm wrong…I mean, if this was kept a secret, surely there is something amazing. I think? I sure hope. I start walking again. I follow the sound of the water and I soon realize that this must be big, because the water now sounds like a waterfall or maybe even something bigger. I start to think about of all the things it could be, and at first I am thinking about turning back to the tunnel, but I have had enough cowardliness in my life already. I don't need to display anymore. With this thought in my head, I start to pick up my pace, hoping that it will be something worthwhile.

I finally get there and the sight makes me completely stop in my tracks. It's beautiful! There is rushing water, almost like a river. But…it's not a river; it is something more. The water runs forcefully, almost like it is saying, "_Try to stop me. I dare you." _There are jagged rocks running alongside it. Not something that normal people would try to approach_. _But I am obviously NOT normal because I go over to the rocks, searching for one to sit on. I am not normal for countless reasons, but I don't let myself focus on that…for now.

I eventually find a flat enough rock that looks like it could hold a couple of people…3 at the most. It's still pretty sharp at the edges, but it is just as sharp as the razor I face every night. So I'm not afraid of it. It doesn't look the sturdiest, but it will have to do. It's the sturdiest that I could find out of all the rocks. It is right next to the water, so I could put my hand down in it if I wanted to. But right now, I just stick my hand down far enough to feel the mist. It feels refreshing.

I walk around the rock trying to find a way to get on to it. At the back of it, I see that there are rocks smashed into the ground hard enough, that they are sturdy enough to step on as well. So I carefully step onto the rocks, and onto the flat one. I sit down and now allow my mind to think about whatever it would like. Surprisingly, my thoughts are silent right now. That's the first time. I guess this place helps to calm me down. I know my peace won't last forever though, so I keep looking around.

I look up and see a little bridge with railing at least 100 feet up from where I am. There is a walkway leading from the bridge to a big door…that's strange. I wonder if people know about that? If not, I'm happy that I could find a place where I could be alone. With my luck though, it's highly likely that someone else knows about this place. If they know about up top, it's not that bad I guess, but if they know about down here, then that's when it would become a problem for me.

The bridge up there seems like it was made to view this river thing. Then it hits me. It is probably a chasm. It is beautiful, but dangerous. It would take someone brave to come down to where I am. Right next to the water. But I'm not brave. That's my mother.

Mom would have loved this. But she's gone. Gone forever because of my selfishness, my stupidity, and my cowardliness. Same for Dad and Caleb. It's all my fault. I think everyone knows it, they just don't want to say it in front of me. They are all DEAD because of a monster. And that monster is me.

I start to sob. I usually wouldn't, but I know that no one is around, so I am pretty sure that it's safe. I sob and sob and sob. I sob for Mom, Dad, Caleb, my stupid, ugly, broken, little girl self. I sob for Tori, because of Eric, my old "friends", and the new possible "friends" here. I don't think I want any friends. It's too overwhelming. I don't need any boyfriends though…I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid they would turn out to be just like another Eric. I know it's stupid. But I don't care.

The animal-like noises are still coming from my mouth when I hear yelling. I pull my sleeve over my mouth to try and make my sobs quieter, because I know that I can't stop the sobs at this point. Once they come, you can't go back. I know this from experience. The yelling becomes louder and louder and soon I can hear what they are saying. "Tris! TRIS! Where are you! Please!" they yell. I can pick out certain voices from the group. I can hear Christina, Four, Shauna, Marlene, and Tori. Wait-TORI! Oh no. I'm screwed. When I go home, I have a feeling that I am going to be in deep shit. Whoops.

But even this can't make my sobs silence. In fact, my sobs get harder, as they come closer. I shove my shirt sleeve farther and farther into my mouth, but it doesn't do much good. I hear Tori yell, "Tris!" She is using her angry voice. She knows I'm here somewhere. This can't be good. What threat will she use this time? "TRIS! DON'T MAKE ME USE YOUR FULL NAME!" she yells. Wow. That's the best she could come up with? I know that she would never do that to me, no matter HOW angry she is.

I hear their footsteps come closer and closer until they are right on top of me. They are on the bridge. Okay, so they must know about the bridge. But I sure hope they don't know about the passageway down here. I would be even more screwed over if Tori found out that I was hiding from them the whole time. Oh boy. I'm suddenly very glad that they can't see me from their view on the bridge. Thank you only sturdy rock.

"Where is she? I hope she is ok!" That was Christina. "OH, she's fine. She's just hiding. What happened exactly? Why did she run off in the first place?" Tori. "I don't know. She was eating an apple one minute, then tears filled her eyes and she got up, threw her apple in the trash, which was only half-eaten, and ran. I don't think I've ever seen someone move faster." Shauna… "Ya. She was sitting right next to me the whole time. The next thing I knew, she was off like a light." Four. Wait-what? FOUR! Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. This can NOT be happening to me!

"You know what? We probably aren't doing much good together. How about if we split up? That way we can cover more area." That was Tori. Even though I can't see her, I know that there is a worried expression on her face. I can tell by the tone of her voice. "I think that's a good idea. Since we've already covered this area, should we leave this place and search other areas?" Shauna. "Ya, I think that would be a good idea Shauna." Tori again. "Ok. Then what are we waiting for? Let's go! No time to waste!" And that was Christina.

I hear the footsteps walking away from the bridge and off to who knows where. Once I think it's safe enough, I remove my sleeve and let my sobs run freely once again. I don't know how long I am sobbing for, but I bet it is a while. I suddenly hear "Tris? Tris! Is that you!?" Oh shit. That was FOUR! I hear his footsteps coming closer, and this time, they aren't on top of the bridge. How much worse can this day get!? First, I run off. Then I know that I am screwed when I face Tori. Then, just when I thought I was in the clear, someone ends up knowing the same passageway that I just found! AND, IT WAS FOUR! Ok. Life must really hate me. I know I messed up too big a couple of years ago, but really?! Just cause I can't let it go doesn't mean that Karma or life has to come back to get me every minute of my life! Ugh.

I once again shove my already soaking shirtsleeve into my mouth and wait. If he comes close enough, I will try to make a run for it. Although if he does come to where I'm at, it isn't very likely that I will get away. Karma really is a bitch sometimes. But life is a whore. Karma is a bitch and life is depressing. And what a slut time is. She screws everybody.

I keep on sobbing into my shirt sleeve, hoping and praying that he won't find me. But I should know, my prayers are never answered. Never. Not even when it is life or death. That shows you how much God loves me. Note the sarcasm.

"Tris?" He says. Then he suddenly comes out of the tunnel door. Of course someone else knew about this place. Four. Of course. Thank you God! Once again, note the sarcasm. If he comes close enough, I will try to make a run for it. Although if he does come to where I'm at, it isn't very likely that I will get away. I hear him coming closer and closer and I can actually _see _him heading right towards me! Oh no. If I'm going to make a run for it, now would be the time.

I get up off my rock as fast as I can and start to run. I wasn't very careful though, because I got off on the sharp side of the rock, instead of the less dangerous side. I feel a sharp stinging on my left leg. It feels like it is on fire and it hurts like hell. I know this can't be good. I still keep on running though.

I'm not as fast now because of my leg. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but I am pretty sure that I either cut it or scraped it. I'm limping while I run so it is more of a walk than a run. I feel something wet start to drip down my leg and immediately know that it's bleeding. My suspicions were right; I did cut it. I cut it deep too. I hear fast footsteps catching up to me. I know that I can't beat him at this pace, but I am still gonna keep running. He's catching up to me…and fast. I know it's only a matter of seconds before he can grab me. I. am. SCREWED.

I hear him yell, "Tris! Wait! Please! I don't know what happened, but I know something isn't right! Please let me help you!" I know he is just trying to be nice, but I can't take it right now. Nice has completely vanished from my life after that day. I don't deserve it. This just makes my tears stream down heavier than before. Damn me and all these tears. Why does life have to always turn against me!?

I hear him right behind me. "Tris. Stop." The burning in my leg is getting more painful by the second. I still try to keep walking, but I soon collapse on the ground. I would try to get back up, but I can't. I'm too tired and weak to do anything right now, other than look at the ground while tears keep streaming down my face. They are slowing down, but I know that it's not the end of my tears.

I can see him kneel down in front of me. "Listen, I'm not sure what happened back there, but I need to help. I don't know what happened to make you run off like that. I don't know how you found this place. I don't know a lot of things about you yet. But that's the thing. I don't need to know. The only thing I need to know is that I can help you. Please, just this once, let me help you."

The gentleness in Four'd voice makes me want to burst out sobbing all over again. It reminds me of Caleb and Dad. Their voice would always be like that when I was hurt or sick. That voice would make me want to break out into tears. It's the same with Four.

But there is something about him that makes me feel like I can trust him. My instincts are telling me not to trust anyone ever again, while my mind and body are saying that I'm too weak to do anything but accept his help. So that's what I do. Sort of.

After thinking all of that, I start to sob again. I try to stuff my sleeve into my mouth, but I can't even do that without feeling like I'm going to pass out. I think I've had too much blood loss. I don't care though. I hope it takes me somewhere from Earth, so I can be with Mom and Dad and Caleb again. I hope Four doesn't notice my leg, but of course, being perfect Four, he just HAS to notice the gash.

"Tris...let me look at the wound. Please." Four says. I look into his eyes and see a pleading and worriness inside. He looks genuinely concerned about me. I know that he wouldn't let me die on the spot, so I oblige. It's not something worth fighting about. Like I have any fight left in me at this point.

I look at him and nod my head. He asks me, "Tris, can you walk?" I know I can't, but I nod my head yes again and try to stand up. I'm stubborn and I know it. I'm not gonna lie. I know this isn't the time or place to be stubborn, but I can't help it. I feel so helpless and I hate it. I push myself up on my knees, then slowly try to rise. I can feel myself getting paler and paler by the minute. I finally get to a standing position, leaning mostly on my right leg.

"You ok Tris? Are you sure you can walk? I can carry you if I need to. You are scaring me! You are deathly pale!" Four exclaims all at once. I love that he is only genuinely concerned, but it annoys me nevertheless. I want to do something on my own! I nod my head yes and take a deep breath, preparing myself for the next painful step.

"Ok...Tris. We need to move so I can look at it. I'm afraid you're gonna pass out right here, right now. Please start walking towards the rock where you first were." Four says. I nod my head and start to walk. I take the first step with my left leg and am amazed by how painful it is. I can feel the blood rush out of my face as quick as a rocket. It is kind of scaring me too. I let out a little scream.

I almost collapse again, but Four's arms caught me before I had the chance. He looks even more worried. "Tris! Please let me carry you!" He says. I have an internal battle with myself. If I accept his help, then I would be basically declaring my weakness. If I don't, though, I will most likely pass out from blood loss. Four would have to bring me to a hospital and explain to them what happened when he doesn't even know. I don't want to go back to a damn hospital, so I know that I have to let him carry me to the rock.

I look at him and realize that he is still supporting me from the ground. If he took his arms off my waist, I would topple over to the ground. I think he knows that too. So I look him in the eyes and slowly nod my head. Four looks relieved as I nod, probably because I am completely white right now and can't even support part of my weight without support.

He slowly and carefully picks me up off of the ground, trying to avoid my leg as much as possible. But that is nearly impossible...even for Four. My thoughts come true as he accidentally hits my gash. I let out a groan as a couple of tears run down my cheeks. My gash feels like fire right now, and it stings. It feels like a knife was slid down my leg repeatedly; up and down, up and down, many times.

"Sorry!" Four says. He finally gets me situated and we start moving. He is carrying me bridal style, so I'm leaning against his chest. I can feel a little bit of color start to return to my cheeks, now that I don't have to move anything. It's not much color, but it's something.

I put my hand on his chest and try to focus on getting my color back to my face. It doesn't work...I can feel it. I know I am still ghostly white, but not as bad as before. i am really tired, but I force myself to keep my eyes open, no matter how hard it may be. I focus on his heartbeat instead.

I place my head his chest, using it as a resting place for my head, and to hear his heartbeat. When I listen, I find that it was speeding really fast. I wonder if it's because of how Four is holding me. No it's not! His heart is probably racing because he is concerned about my pale face. He would never care about a stupid, ugly, broken,- I need to stop thinking about that...the color is leaving my face again.

We reach the rock and he sets me down so I'm laying on the rock. I hiss in pain as I lay against it. The gash must be somewhere around my calves if it hurts to lay down. He looks apologetic, as he starts searching for the gash. He takes out a pocket knife from his jeans and brings it down towards me.

I start to freak out a little, but all I can do is widen my eyes. Maybe he is like Eric. Maybe no one is different from the people at my old school. What if he uses that pocket knife against me?

I start to whimper and scream as flashbacks start to come to me. I see Eric, my ex-best friend, and my family over and over again. I try to punch Four, but I fail...badly. I cannot seem to summon the strength to scream, let alone raise my arm to hit someone.

I hear Four trying to call me back to reality. He sounds worried again. It takes a lot of willpower, but I finally am able to pull myself out of my flashbacks. I look at him and he still has that worried expression on his face. "Tris! Don't freak out! I'm just going to use it to cut your pant leg off! I need to so I can look at your gash!" I hear Four say.

I feel him put his hands on my shoulders...probably to keep me as still as he possibly can. "Tris, please calm down. You're only going to hurt yourself more!" He says. I finally realize that he is telling the truth. He want going to cut me. He's just trying to help. So I relax under his touch.

He breathes a sigh of relief and lets go of my shoulders. "Ok. Can I cut the pant leg off now?" He asks me. I nod my head yes. He gets the pocketknife out once again and brings it toward the bottom of my calves. I can't help it. I squeeze my eyes shut and turn my head away. Eric gave me big problems...another reason why I shouldn't exist.

I hear a ripping sound but still keep my eyes squeezed shut. A couple of seconds later I hear Four say, "Tris you can look now. It's over." I slowly open my eyes only to see his dark blue ones staring right back into mine. "I'm going to look at it now. It might hurt, but I need you to do what I say. You're losing too much blood too quickly. Ok Tris?" I nod my head.

He gently flips me over on the rock. I can hear a sharp intake of breath. It must be pretty bad if it surprised Four. "Um..Tris? What I need to do next is gonna hurt really bad ok? I won't lie to you. You might want to put something in your mouth if you don't want anyone else finding you." He says. I take a s deep breath and put my shirt sleeve into my mouth..again.

"I'm going to put pressure on it to help stop the bleeding. But your cut is pretty deep so it will hurt more than usual." Four says. I suddenly feel tightening around my lower calf. It hurts so much..it feels like the knife came back, but only 100 times harder than it was before. I scream into my sleeve as it keeps tightening. I want to tell him to stop, but if I did we would never get anywhere. So I decide to let this go.

After a few more seconds, it stops tightening. "I'm done now Tris. You ok?" I clench my teeth and stiffly nod. "I would clean it up with Alcohol or Hydrogen Peroxide but I don't have that stuff with me right now. So I will get it in just a couple of minutes. Will you be ok alone for a couple of minutes?" I don't want him to leave, but I know he needs to. I know I'm still pale. So I nod. He simply nods and says, "Ok. I'll be back in a couple of minutes."

As he walks off, I start to think about Eric again. I hate thinking about him, but he left scars. Both physically and emotionally. I try to get up so I can sit in the corner under the bridge. I get up to a sitting position and wait for my vision to come back. Once it does, I slowly stand up and limp my way over to a corner. I can walk on it better now that it has stopped bleeding a little bit. Well..it's more of a limp than a walk, but it's something.

Eric comes back to mind. I remember all of the fun times we had together before he turned out to be an ass-hole. Comparatively speaking, I think that the percentage of fun times against the horrible times is about 5% to 8%. Now if you were adding you'd notice that it doesn't equal 100. The other 10% was the most HORRIBLE days of my life that regret so much it hurts. I regret ever being with him. I regret giving him second chances. I regret not breaking it off with him after the very first date. I regret what happened at the end of every fight we had. It was not good.

I start silently crying. I put my head in my knees and cry. I was so stupid and naive back then. I didn't have a worry in the world...but then my whole life turned around within the blink of an eye. Eric turned on me, my friends turned on me, my town turned on me, and life turned on me.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I was so stupid. I think about all this as I start sobbing into my knees even more. I definitely didn't remember that I want gonna be alone for long, because pretty soon I hear a huge sigh come from in front of me. "Oh Tris," the person mumbles softly. In fact, I wouldn't have heard it if I wouldn't have been listening closely. I am a suspicious and self-conscious person, so listening closely comes to me naturally. The person in front of me is Four. I know it is and I care that he had to see me like this. I really do, but I can't stop the tears flowing down my face now.

I hear Four walk away and some things being set down. Probably the cleaning stuff for my calf. Then I hear him come back over. I feel one of his hands rest on my shoulder. "Tris, please look at me." I don't. I refuse to acknowledge him in this state. I don't want him to leave me, but I don't want him to stay. Whenever he's around I think of Eric. But he also makes me feel like I can trust him and that I'm safe as long as I'm with him. I just don't know anything anymore.

I hear him let out another small sigh. "Tris..." he says. "Look at me." I can hear the pleading in his voice. I still can't though. I can't go back to the way my old school and past was. If I did it would break me completely. And I wouldn't be able to handle that again. "Tris." The tone in his voice is now stern. I feel his fingers tuck under my chin and gently lost my chin up so I am forced to look into his beautiful blue eyes. "Tris..." I don't think he knows exactly what to say. I am still sobbing my eyes out. It's gotta be awkward for him to be in this position. I definitely wouldn't want to be in this position if the situation were flip-flopped.

He slowly takes both of his hands off of me, and extend them outwards just a little bit. "Come here. I know you probably don't usually have a shoulder to cry on. It's better to let it out then hold it in." He says. I think about what he just said. He is right...I don't ever have a shoulder to cry on. Unless you count Tori. But usually when I cry it's not in front of her. It would be nice to have someone I could trust. But I'm just afraid that he will turn out like Eric. I know deep in my heart that he won't, but it doesn't stop my fears from getting to me.

I know that I should accept his offer. I need it. If I don't ever accept anybody ever again, then Tori will send me to a therapist of some sort and I don't want that. I might as well try to start now. Besides...Four found me and helped me and handled my stubbornness with patience. I think of I start to trust again, then Four would be a good way to start. So I do. I decide to start to learn to trust him, little by little. Step by step. I know that he won't think of me the same once he knows my story, but I feel like I at least need to have one moment in my life where I can be content.

I look up at him and start to crawl into his embrace. It's really hard when my calf but I want to let him know that I accept his offer. Once he knows for sure that I'm going into his arms, he helps me since my calf is hurting me badly right now. So badly. But he picks me up easily and sets me against his chest. I press my face into his shoulder and continue to sob into his shirt. I wrap my arms tightly around his middle section. He we just wraps his arms tighter around my waist. He doesn't say anything but that's ok. No words are needed right now. All I need is the feeling of his arms around me. He places his chin on top of my head and I let it stay there. Every move we make means getting one step closer in each other's arms. I wish that I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever. Because when I'm in his arms, I don't need to worry about anything else in the world. I know that this moment will end sooner or later, but I don't worry about that now.

I'm not sure how long we'll sit here; under the bridge, in the peacefulness of the water rushing in the chasm, the sounds of my muffled sobs, wrapped up in each other's tight embraces. But I know that it will be quite a while before both of us decide to move. A long, long time.

**So I know I haven't updated for a while. I have been typing whenever I could! A couple of nights ago, Iwas typing on my iPod in bed and I must have fallen asleep because I woke up and my iPod was laying on my chest. And I had a dance for school last night along with a sleepover right afterwards. I was typing at 4:30 in the morning last night(while watching Hannah Montana) for you guys because I really wanted to update! I'm supposed to be taking a nap right now and I am so freaking tired. But I am updating now! I started to type on my iPod and it said it was low on battery but I ignored it. Later, it died and lost all 500 words I had typed. I was so bad! I thought about just not topping but then I changed my mind. So here's your update! And in my AN at the top...the second Fourtris is the 46th word...Hehe. I did that on purpose!;) Also see if you Canaan find the 2 quotes I put in here!:) Please review, favorite and follow! I love seeing the reviews and support you guys give me! The more reviews I get the faster I'll update! I get more motivated!;) And you'll find out about Eric next chapter!:)**

**P.S. This chapter is the longest one yet at 6,557 words!:) YES!:):) And would you guys like to see this chapter in Tobias'/Four POV? **

**Guest #10: I was thinking about doing Tobias' POV...I just didn't know if I could do one yet in his POV. Until now. I might do Christian's POV later...I don't know how I would do it right now. But I will in later chapters! Promise!:)**

**kitzykat: I keep meaning to tell you that I'm definitely using your idea! Thanks!:)**

**Guest #5: Thanks for the constructive criticism! I've been trying to do better!**

**Lost1nTheLight: EVERYBODY WHO IS READING THIS NEEDS TO THANK HER! SHE Gave ME WONDERFUL IDEAS FOR THIS CHAPTER! You see...I had writer's block and she helped me though it! Without her I wouldn't be using right now!:) So here is a toast to the girl who helped with writer's block! *Everybody raises their glasses and yells* (I like putting in brackets too by the way;) )**

**Divergent Kitty: Haha! That's one of my favorite scenes too! Here's a high five from me to you electronically!;)**

**Someone the World Forgot: Thanks for telling me!:) I didn't even realize!;)**

**Idshipus007: Tris will talk. I promise! Once her and For get a little closer she will start talking! I can't tell you exactly when that will be...but it will be sometime soon! I promise! And sorry it made you sad! But it will be a happy ending!:) **

**luzhasswag: I will be able to update more often after 1 more week! Can you hold on that long!? Please! I have a volleyball game Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and NCKL on Saturday and Sunday, which I may or may not be able to go to. But the good thing is of I do go to NCKL, my grandparents live close, so on long breaks, I could type at their house!:) But I will try harder! I promise!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! So volleyball season is finally over. :( But that's also a good thing because I can type for you guys more now! I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY THAT I DIDN'T UPDATE SOONER! My friend had an unexpected surgery on her knee, so I have been with her a lot, plus she is supposed to be coming to school so have to help her with homework and junk like that…and I had a volleyball tournament, I had to babysit for 2-3 hours last night, and I have been just so busy! Plus, while I was writing on Doc Manager, it screwed up and deleted over 1,000 words I had typed. I cried. I threw my iPod. I. Was. PO. And I went bowling with a bunch of my classmates and friends after school. And my grandparents spent the night last night and I had another sleepover on Friday. But anyways... I hope you can forgive me with this chapter I typed for you! I tried this chapter in Four/Tobias' POV, but I'm not sure if I did it alright…I am not used to writing in a boy's POV. Please tell me what I could've done better and what I did well. Cause I will write in his POV again so I want to know how to do better next time around! ;) So please review! :0 Without further ado…CHAPTER 9!**

**Disclaimer: Ok. So if I owned Divergent, I would not be in school. AND I wouldn't be writing Fan fiction…now would I?**

**Chapter 9**

**Four/Tobias' POV**

As Tris and I sit down at the lunch table, I can't help noticing how closed off she is from everyone. She observes every move that anyone makes and looks like she is cautious around everyone…like one wrong move and something will blow up. It's like she doesn't even know what friends are.

She is mysterious, careful, and doesn't talk, which makes me wonder what ever happened to make her like that. Maybe she was abused…like me. Surely not though… I was abused for ages and still talk and I made friends. It must have been something having to deal with friends or family…I hope. No one should have to be abused by their OWN family. It just isn't right. That's why I don't call Marcus "dad". He doesn't deserve that.

I start to talk to Zeke, but I still wonder about Tris. What happened to her? I look over at her every once in a while. I am suddenly being pulled into a conversation with everyone about last week's paintball match. In that match, Uriah got shot in the butt by Zeke and I, so when Marlene brings it up, everyone starts laughing hysterically. Even Uriah does.

I look back over at Tris while I am laughing and see her eyes start to well up with tears. What did we do!? I see her get up and run off. She has a half-eaten apple in her hand and I see her throw it away as she goes. She didn't eat barely anything! What happened!?

Everybody must've seen this too, because we all look at each other and get up and run. I can tell everyone is worried about her even if we haven't even known her for a day. Uriah even leaves half of his Dauntless cake behind. Wow…I never thought I'd see the day! "Guys, wait!" I say. Everyone stops to look at me. "Have you ever thought that we may need a teacher? I mean, we need access to all the rooms we can get to." "Ya…I guess we do. Who should we recruit?" Uriah says. "I think we all know this." Shauna says. Of course we do.

We all run to Tori's room. She's pretty cool, even though she's new here. She's the best teacher for this job! Once we get there, we all burst in shouting different things. It's so jumbled and loud that I can't hear myself speak. "WAIT! SHUT UP!" Tori shouts. We all shut up instantly. "Now I need one person to explain to me what the heck is happening!?" Uriah steps up. "Well, Tris ran off at lunch. Where to? I don't know. We need access to a lot of rooms and we knew you would be the best teacher to help us look and everything…so…here we are now. We've got to find her!" Then he mumbles, "I left my Dauntless cake behind for this." Of course. I roll my eyes. I knew he would remember his cake sooner or later. Unfortunately, it was sooner.

Tori noticeably paled when Uriah explained that Tris ran off. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's because she's new and could get hurt? No...Tori could handle that. I don't know why she paled white as a ghost, but I will find out most likely. Tori says, "Well...what are we waiting for? Let's go find Tris!" She grabs a set of keys as we run out the door. For a teacher, she is pretty fit. She runs just as fast as us, maybe even faster than some. We try door after door, but there is absolutely no sign of her at all. Then I remember the Pit. She obviously wouldn't have run off if she wanted to be found right away. She went some place where she knew she wouldn't be found for a long time. I tell this to the group. "Hey guys! We need to check somewhere like the Pit! Only the Dauntless know about it, but nobody goes there during school most of the time. It's hard to find. She probably went there or somewhere else where she knew she couldn't be found." I say. Everyone sits there for a minute, taking the idea in. Tori nods her head and says, "Yes. That's probably a great place to search." So we head to the Pit.

We get there and start searching every shop, every room, just everywhere you could possibly imagine. We even check behind the dang fake plants. But she's not there! You can tell that Tori is getting mad. "TRIS!" Christina yells. We all look at her like she's crazy. She just shrugs and says, "I know it isn't the best idea, but this is what it's come down to. Why not? What have we got to lose? Tris, Please!" I guess the idea isn't bad.

We all start to yell things like Christina. Although we all know she probably won't answer, we keep calling for her until we reach the chasm bridge. Once we get there, we all stop. Tori even yells, "TRIS! DON'T MAKE ME USE YOUR FULL NAME!" Wait…how does she know her full name? And why is that a threat? Just another couple of things I don't know.

Once we get to the bridge, we all stop and think for a second. Christina is panicking. "Where is she? I hope she is ok!" she is yelling. And although she is the only saying this out loud, I can tell that everyone else is thinking the same thing. Where is Tris? Where could she have possibly run off to? I hope she's not hurt…at least not TOO badly. I think Christina would hyperventilate if she was. I hear Tori reply, "OH. She's fine. She's just hiding." Then her facial expression changes from frustration to worry and confusion. "What happened exactly? Why did she run off in the first place?" she asks us, looking at each one of us for an explanation. Shauna steps up first.

"I don't know. She was eating an apple one minute, then tears filled her eyes and she got up, threw her apple in the trash, which was only half-eaten, and ran. I don't think I've ever seen someone move faster." she says. Yep. That's about right. Tris was fast...and so perfect.

I think I may be falling for Tris. I'm not sure when I started to, but I have feeling that it was when I first met her. She isn't like other girls...AT ALL. That's a good thing. She didn't throw herself at me (like others would do as soon as they met me), stare at me, talk to me every chance she got, dress like a slut, and she isn't the type of girl who would care about popularity or fashion. Just like my dream girl. Tris meets all of my standards and more. She is so perfect.

It's then that I realize that I don't know how long I've been thinking about her. So to recover I say, "Ya. She was sitting right next to me the whole time. The next thing I knew, she was off like a light."

Apparently I haven't been in my world for long at all because Tori just nods and goes deep into thought. I see several emotions flick across her face while she thinks; worry, confusion, frustration, guilt, regret, and sadness. Wow...I never thought that anybody could show so many emotions in one minute! It must be a record. Finally she snaps out of her daze and says, "You know what? We probably aren't doing much good together. How about if we split up? That way we can cover more area."

That idea isn't bad. In fact, I think if I were Tris, I wouldn't hide in an obvious spot where the whole group could find me. I would go somewhere no one would think to look. Besides, maybe if one of us finds her and she runs off, she'll run off into someone else. Hopefully I am the one to find her though.

I hear Shauna say, "I think that's a good idea. Since we've already covered this area, should we leave this place and search other areas?" Tori immediately replies with, "Ya, I think that would be a good idea Shauna." Then Christina says, "Ok. Then what are we waiting for? Let's go! No time to waste!" Everyone runs in a different direction except for me. I decide to just think on the bridge for a second before deciding where to go.

As I am listening, I hear muffled sobs coming from right below me. Wait...what? I listen closer and hear them more clearly. They then get really loud as they aren't muffled anymore. I know it has to be Tris...I mean who else would be crying in the middle of class while being under the Pit bridge? Exactly my point.

I know I have to get down there. The only way I can think of is the secret tunnel that I found that led to the bottom of the chasm. So I decide to look there.

I know I have to get down there. The only way I can think of is the tunnel. So I decide to look there. What have I got to lose if it's not Tris? Besides, I'm worried about her and no one else knows about under the Chasm except for me and possibly Tris; so no one would figure out where we were.

I start to head down to the tunnel. I exit the Pit and go to the empty classroom where I know the tunnel is. Once I get there, my suspicions are confirmed. The panel is open and I see the tunnel leading to the Chasm. I crawl in and start to run through. It's a pretty long tunnel, but it isn't as long as usual because I am sprinting. I can tell I am getting towards the end because I can hear the water crashing into the walls and the light is getting bigger by the second. I slow down knowing I will probably have to chase after Tris…I am pretty sure that she didn't want anybody to find her. So I walk to the end of the tunnel.

I am at the end finally, but I don't see Tris. All I can hear is sobs coming from my left. Well…I need to find her so I start walking out to the very end and call out, "Tris?" As I say this I step out of the tunnel. I know she's to the left, so I start walking to the left. Towards her hopefully. I hear shuffling and see a blonde-headed girl start running. But the thing that worries me is that I see a limp in her step. A large limp to be exact.

I run after her. I am catching up fast and I know that she knows it too. But for some reason, she still runs. She is going to hurt herself more running. I yell, "Tris! Wait! Please! I don't know what happened, but I know something isn't right! Please let me help you!" But she still runs.

I am finally right behind her and I can see a large blood stain on the back of her leg. I try not to panic. "Tris. Stop." I say. She is walking still but she can take only a few steps before she collapses right in front of me. I kneel down in front of her. "Listen, I'm not sure what happened back there, but I need to help. I don't know what happened to make you run off like that. I don't know how you found this place. I don't know a lot of things about you yet. But that's the thing. I don't need to know. The only thing I need to know is that I can help you. Please, just this once, let me help you."

It looks like she is having a conversation with her thoughts…she is distant. After about a minute though, she starts sobbing. I don't know why, but I'm sure that everything that has happened has just caught up to her. I can see she tries to stuff her sleeve back into her mouth but she can't…her arm just drops down right away, like she is too weak to do it. I look down at her gash and slightly gasp once I see the dripping blood coming from it. I need to tend the wound right now.

"Tris…let me look at the wound. Please." I say pleadingly. I am very worried about her. She doesn't think about it for a minute…she just nods her head, which makes me even more worried because I know that she wouldn't usually give up without a fight. I ask her, "Tris, can you walk?" She nods her head again, but I know she can't. I don't even know why I asked in the first place. Well actually yes I do. She would've hated me if I just picked her up without asking if she could walk. She would automatically think that I thought she was weak and hate me. Ya...thank you instincts. For being righter than my mind.

She starts to get up and I just start getting more worried by the second. She slowly sits up, then after about 3 minutes, she is up on her feet. As she does this, her skin tone turns to a deathly pale. She is shaking. I shout, "You ok Tris! Are you sure you can walk? I can carry you if I need to. You are scaring me! You are deathly pale!" I am very worried now. But all she does is nod her head again. She is making me frustrated! We need to move faster than this!

"Ok...Tris. We need to move so I can look at it. I'm afraid you're gonna pass out right here, right now. Please start walking towards the rock where you first were." I say. She takes a very slow step, and I didn't think it was possible, but somehow her skin tone turns to a perfect white color. She lets out a little scream. She almost collapses, but I catch her just in time. This crosses the line. "Tris! Please let me carry you!"

She looks like she is having an internal debate. I am holding her waist while she is debating. Finally, she looks me in the eyes and slowly nods her head. I feel so relieved, like a weight has been suddenly lifted off my shoulders. I pick her up as carefully as I can, trying to avoid her leg. I am apparently unsuccessful though, because after a second, she lets out a small groan and a couple tears run down her face. "Sorry!" I exclaim. I do feel really bad, but I have to keep going.

I decide to carry her bridal style because it is the fastest and easiest way. I see that I little bit of her color returned to her face. Good. But I still see her grimacing and I can feel my heart speed up a little as I race to the rock. My heart also speeds up because of her being against my chest. it's cliché I know. But I can't help it. I look back down and I see the color has left her face again for some odd reason.

When we reach the rock, I gently set her down. As I do this, I see that she hisses in pain…the gash must around her calf. I once again feel like saying sorry, but remember that it won't do any good, so I just leave the situation be. I know I won't be able to get good access to her gash because her pant leg is covering it up. So I grab the pocket knife that I always keep in my jeans pocket, just in case, and bring it down to cut the pant leg off.

When I start to bring it down, I see Tris' eyes widen in fear and hear small whimpers coming from her that were probably meant to be screams if she wasn't too weak. She is squirming away from me, and while she does it I see her arm raise maybe a couple inches off the ground while the fingers were balled up in a fist but immediately drop down. I think it was supposed to be a punch…but she obviously couldn't find the strength. I need to calm her down, otherwise she will most likely pass out from blood loss soon. I start calling for her. "Tris! Tris! Come back to me! Come on!" I see her eyes start to focus on me and I know that this is the time to calm her down and say something meaningful. "Tris! Don't freak out! I'm just going to use it to cut your pant leg off! I say. She still is whimpering and moving though, so I grab her shoulders gently, but with enough force to keep her as still as possible while I explain. "Tris! Don't freak out! I'm just going to use it to cut your pant leg off!" I say.

I don't know what triggered her little episode, but it isn't my business. Im not sure if i want to know. well that was a stupid statement. of course I wanna know why it triggered, but am afraid of what the answer may be. Slowly, her eyes start to come into focus more and more, and her movement slows down. She is still tense though. Eventually, I feel her suddenly relax under my arms. I breathe a sigh of relief and say, "Ok. Can I cut the pant leg off now?" I ask, making sure that she won't react like that again. She nods her head yes.

I take out the knife once again and start to cut her pant leg off. I can't help but notice that she squeezes her eyes shut and turns her head away though. I don't know what happened to her, but it had to be something really, REALLY bad if she reacts like this to knives…even when she knew I wasn't going to hurt her. And when it is just a simple pocket knife.

After I cut it off, I look at Tris and see that her eyes are still shut. I say, "Tris you can look now. It's over." Her eyes open and I stare right into them. They would look blue from a distance, but up close you can see the grayish tint mixed perfectly inside the blue orbs.

I snap out of it and know that I will have to stop the bleeding as much as possible until I can get proper cleaning supplies, so I think that I will just apply some pressure on it. The gash is on the back of her calf…I will have to turn her over to look at it. She's losing too much blood too fast, so that's exactly what I tell her. "I'm going to look at it now. It might hurt, but I need you to do what I say. You're losing too much blood too quickly. Ok Tris?" She looks a little bit worried but nods her head yes, as if remembering that she needs to do what I say right now.

I gently flip her over and look for the gash. Once I find it, I can't help but gasp slightly at the sight. It is bleeding profusely and is pretty deep…I don't think it is deep enough for stiches, but you never know. I then say, "Um…Tris? What I need to do next is gonna hurt really bad ok? I won't lie to you. You might want to put something in your mouth if you don't want anyone else finding you." I hear her take a deep breath and see her arm move to stuff her shirt sleeve into her mouth.

I take this as my go ahead. So I take the pant leg and dip it into the Chasm to rinse off some of the blood, then I wrap it around her leg and start to tighten it. I can hear Tris scream into her sleeve, which both worries and relieves me. It worries me because…well I bet you can guess why. But it also relieves me because I know earlier she was trying to scream, but could only emit a small whimper. So if she can scream now, then she must be getting some strength back.

I'm done now so I say, "I'm done now Tris. You ok?" She stiffly nods her head yes. I can see that her jaw is clenched as well. She must be grinding her teeth.

I have tightened it pretty well, but know that I will need something to clean the wound with. I don't have it with me though, so I would either have to take Tris with me to get a First Aid Kit, or leave her here while I run and get it. I know the first option would be impossible, so I know that the latter is the only option I have left. I don't want to leave her, but I know that I will have to for the greater good. It worries me though, because she is still pretty pale.

I finally say, "I would clean it up with Alcohol or Hydrogen Peroxide but I don't have that stuff with me right now. So I will get it in just a couple of minutes. Will you be ok alone for a couple of minutes?" She nods. I nod too, and say, "Ok. I'll be back in a couple of minutes." She doesn't do anything after that, so I just run off, trying to find the First Aid Kit I had down here at one point of time. I run to the part of the Chasm where the rocks are stacked on one another and find the First Aid Kit between 2 rocks. I grab it and walk just for a little bit back in the direction where I know Tris is.

I'm not worried that she'll run away…she couldn't right now in her state. She may move, but she won't get very far. I am just worried about her in general. I'm worried what happened to her in the past and I worry about whether her past isn't her past and it's her present. That whatever she may be going through is happening to her at home. I worry that she will not be okay and eventually run away or disappear, never to be seen again. I worry that she will never be able to move on from her past or present and be in this state of fear and cautiousness all her life. I worry that she-

I suddenly am pulled out of my thoughts by seeing Tris under the bridge, head in her knees. She must've moved while I was gone. Once I get closer, I can hear her crying. It sounds soft. But I keep moving until I am right in front of her. Once I am there, I know that her crying isn't soft. She is sobbing loudly. For some reason, I feel like I knew that this would happen at some point. Why? I don't know. But it turns out my instincts were right. Again. Huh. What do ya know?

I am now standing right in front of her. From here I can see that her entire knee is soaked with her tears. "Oh Tris," I mumble softly.

I walk back to the rock and set the First Aid Kit down and walk back over to Tris. I kneel down in front of her and put one of my hands on her shoulder. Then I say, "Tris, please look at me." But she doesn't. I know she heard me though. She's just ignoring me. I sigh. I try again. "Tris...look at me." I say. I can hear the pleading tone in my voice.

I usually don't like being seen like this, but I don't care when I am with Tris for one reason or another. She is still refusing to acknowledge me. If pleading won't make her look at me then I will have to be stern. "Tris." I say. Just saying her name won't make her listen though, so on second thought I bring my other hand up, tuck my fingers gently beneath her chin and raise it up, forcing her blue-gray eyes to look into mine.

She is still sobbing her eyes out and it's then that I realize tht I have no clue what to say next. The only thing I can summon is a simple, "Tris..." I trail off at the end of her name just in case I think of something to say. But I don't. If I can't think of anything to SAY to her, then I need to at least DO something.

I think I should hug her. Wait-WHAT? What am I thinking!? I can't hug her! _But you like her. Just hug her. It will be in the spur of the moment._ No! I can't!...Can I? I focus on her eyes again and know that behind those eyes is the story of her past. I look into them intently and see pain, fear, and numbness. I can tell she doesn't usually have a shoulder to cry on. I know the feeling. It is a horrible feeling. _Exactly. Wouldn't you feel horrible if you didn't hug her? Just hug her gosh DANGIT! C'mon!_ I guess I would feel pretty bad if I didn't do anything. But what if she doesn't want a hug?

I quickly come to a decision. I will give her the choice to come or not. If she does, then I can hug her. If not, no harm done right? So I extend my arms slightly and say, "Come here. I know you probably don't usually have a shoulder to cry on. It's better to let it out than hold it in." I can tell she's having an internal debate. She looks at me several times. After about a minute, something in her eyes softens slightly and she starts to move. I'm not sure if she's moving towards me or not, but after a few more seconds, it's obvious that she is making her way to me.

I can tell that her calf is hurting her real bad, so I help her carefully make it to me. Once she is right in front of me, I pick her up and set her against my chest. I feel her press her face into my shoulder and sob into it. She wraps her frail arms around my stomach area. As she does this, I tighten my arms around her waist, afraid to let go. I quickly look down to her calf, and am relieved that most of the bleeding has stopped. So we have time. Plenty of time. I let out a deep breath.

Neither of us says a word, but that's alright. No words are needed. Just the feeling of each other's embraces. At this thought I place my chin softly on top of her head. Each move we make means we get more wrapped up in the other's arms. I wish that I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever. When I am in her embrace, I don't worry about anything else. I don't worry about what will happen when this moment ends and I don't worry about anything else in the world.

I'm not sure how long we will sit here; under the bridge, in the peacefulness of the rushing water in the Chasm, the sound of Tris' muffled sobs, wrapped up in each other's tight embraces. But I do know that it will be a long time before either of us decide to move. A long, long time.

**Yes, Yes. I know. IT'S BEEN FOREVER! I am so sorry guys! Like I said up top... I have been a very busy fangirl! There are several other reasons, but I doubt you wanna read all of them! So I will talk about this chapter instead!;) I know the last part is very cliché with Tris and Four thinking almost the exact same things... But that's why it's fanfiction! This chapter took a lot of effort because I'm not used to writing in Four's POV. And I had to keep flipping back and forth between pages to make sure that this chapter matched chapter 8 fine. In fact, that's how I lost over 1,000 words...it couldn't take the take the switching I guess and eventually crashed before I could save it. I was PO. But anyways...I will try to have the next chapter up soon! But does anyone have any ideas on what should happen? I don't want to be stuck with Writer's block again. Yes. AGAIN. But thanks again to Lost1nTheLight! She helped me get out of it!:) But can we get to 50 reviews maybe? IT WOULD MAKE ME SO HAPPY!:):) Well...I am supposed to sleeping. Well actually, I was supposed to be sleeping over an hour and a half ago, but I needed to update first! So until next time...SEE YA! **

**P.S. Oh! And make sure to tell me what I did right and wrong! I need a little constructive criticism guys!:0 And can you find the quote in here? (Hint hint...it's towards the very bottom!) Goodnight! (Again)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey people! I'm back! This chapter is in both POV's this time! Hope you like it! And I am sorry I haven't been able to update…I have literally been gone all weekend with my grandparents and cousin and brother. I wrote a lot but still couldn't update…but thanks for all your reviews!:) They make me happy and motivated!;) SO without further ado…CHAPTER !)! Oh whoops…held the shift key down too long. Hehe. I'm gonna try this again…CHAPTER 10! (YES!)**

**Disclaimer: My name is Aubrey G. Veronica Roth owns Divergent; so therefore, since my initials aren't VR, then I do not own the Divergent Trilogy. As painful as it is to say it. :(**

**Chapter 10**

**Tris' POV**

In and out. In and out. That's the way I am breathing. I've stopped sobbing my eyes out and now we just sit here, enjoying each other's presence. I'm still in Four's arms, and quite frankly, I don't want to move. Usually, I would be freaking out if someone hugged me like this (minus Tori of course), especially a guy. But with Four I feel…I don't know how to describe it…safe? Protected? Weightless? It's something like that, at least.

In and out. It's the first time in a long time that I have breathed normally, not heavy, not so quiet that you think I am not breathing, but just….normal. I can thank Four for that. But I still don't want to say anything, so I just tighten my arms around his stomach even more. I'm surprised I haven't constricted him yet.

I know that I shouldn't be too surprised…he's just too tough. He is tough and strong and hot and just doesn't deserve me in his life. I don't know why he hugged me in the first place. Then again…I don't know why I hesitated. Now, while I'm sitting against his chest, wrapped in his embrace, I am suddenly really glad I nodded my head yes.

My calf still burns in pain, but I don't care. I have felt much more pain than this. I will just let it be until we have to move. Cause I don't care right now. In fact, I don't care about anything. I wouldn't care if I died right here, right now, in Four's embrace. I would gladly slip away. But I know he wouldn't let me, even if I had the choice to do exactly that. So I just push the thought away and focus on his steady heartbeat.

I'm so comfortable, that I can feel my eyes slowly getting heavier and heavier. It is getting really hard to keep them open. I haven't gotten much sleep these past couple years. Right now would be a good time to fall asleep…but I need to stay awake. I don't know if Four would want that. I doubt he wants a stupid, injured little girl asleep on his shoulder.

Even with these thoughts in my head, my eyes keep closing and I have to keep opening them. It gets harder and harder each time. Suddenly Four's chest starts to vibrate. It startles me and I slightly jump. "Tris, it's okay. You can go to sleep. I'll wake you up when it's needed. It's alright." Four says. I give in to the weight above my eyelids and slowly fall asleep.

**Four's POV**

I can see Tris' eyelids drooping down, but then jolting open, again and again. She is tired…anyone could see that. She is fighting sleep right now, and I can see the dark purple bags underneath her eyes, signaling that she hasn't gotten much sleep lately. So I say, "Tris, it's okay. You can go to sleep. I'll wake you up when it's needed. It's alright." I think that is all she needed to hear, because not a minute later, she is asleep in my arms. I take this moment to look at her closely.

She looks so calm and beautiful when she's asleep. Like there is absolutely nothing that can hurt her in this world. I wish that this was true...but unfortunately, the rest of the world doesn't agree.

I look at her hair. It is wet from the Chasm; not soaking, just damp. I look closely and see something very intriguing. Her hair is blonde, but I also see some black, gray, and blue in her hair also. The black seems to be all over, while the blue and gray are only streaks. I wonder why I saw blonde hair instead of black when she was running off. I look at the back of her hair and see mostly blonde hair. And that would be why. I am very confused as to what color her natural hair really is. I know that one color has to be dyed in, but I can't tell which.

I have a feeling that she didn't want anyone to see her natural hair...probably to escape her past. It's just a guess, but it seems to make sense. I wish I knew what happened to her, but I can't ask. I may lose her trust. She may tell me someday if she still can trust me enough, and I don't want to jeopardize that.

I now look at her figure. She is skinny...very, VERY skinny. Too skinny to be healthy. She is like a stick figure...I know some girls would do this to gain attention, but I know that there is some other reason behind Tris' skinniness. I just slightly lift up her shirt and am still surprised when I can see her ribs sticking out from the rest of her body. I also see a couple of faint scars. This worries me...abuse comes through my mind again. I already ruled out abuse in my mind, but that was mostly out of hope that that wasn't what had happened, or is happening to her. It is horrible to think about, so I try to distract my mind by looking some more.

She has a bigger nose then most people, but it suits her. Her lips are the perfect size and look so soft. I wonder how they would feel against mine...wait! I can't be thinking that! STOP IT MIND! I look at her skin next. It is pale but soft. I take one of her hands and it is warm with her body heat. Her nails are really short; it looks like she bites them. A common habit. Her hand is soft and has little water droplets on it, causing those spots to be colder than the rest of her hand. I wipe the water droplets off with my thumb softly. I can't help but think that her hand fits perfectly in mine...NO! Ok...I really need to stop thinking about this stuff.

I keep looking for any other scars that match the ones on her stomach. I look on her hands and see 3. They're small and faint, but they're there. I look on the rest of her lower legs, and see quite a few. These scars are a little bigger but still faint. These all must've been from a long time ago. I don't think these scars are from abuse though. They are too small and faint. This relieves me.

I wonder what happened to her to make all of these scars. I get that almost everyone has a scar here and there, but not as many as Tris has. No one just HAS these scars.

Before I can think about this for too long, I look at her face again. It is so beautiful. I brush some stray hairs from her face. Whenever I touch her I feel warm and bubbly. I doubt she feels the same though. Why would someone like Tris want someone like me? No one would ever choose me.

I force myself to stop thinking about this and enjoy this moment. I wonder where she lives? I may sound like a sociopath, but I really am curious. I would like to know what type of environment she lives in. I hope it is somewhere decent.

As I am thinking about this, I start to wonder how long we have been sitting here. We started searching a little while after lunch. I am sure that the school day is pretty much over. It was a shortened day anyways. The first day is always shortened. So actually, I know that it is over. How will she get home? I am definitely not letting her walk. Not with her leg. I guess I have my own car...I might as well just give her a ride. She can write down her address or something. I know where everything is...pretty much.

I know Chicago well; I have been living here my whole life. Plus Marcus would go to a lot of different neighborhoods to have supper with some of his co-workers. So I am well acquainted with Chicago.

I know that eventually I will have to wake her up, but I just want a few more minutes of peace and no worries. I know once I wake her up, we will both have to face a horrible thing called reality. And right now, neither of us are ready for that. Especially her.

I look down and just stare. She is so beautiful…I wish that I could call her mine. This time when I think this, I don't stop my thoughts because I know that they won't go away soon anyways. I let my mind wonder this time.

I swiftly run my fingers through her hair again, just taking in the feeling of it. It is silky and beautiful, even if I can't be sure which color her natural hair is. She looks beautiful either way.

I stare at her for a long time, just thinking about anything and everything. She is so peaceful when sleeping. It makes me smile.

I know I need to wake her up though. I don't know how long it has been since I found her, but I know that it is way past the school day. Plus, I still need to do something with her leg.

I give myself 10 more seconds before I unwillingly reach out and gently shake her. "Tris…hey. It's time to get up," I say. She slowly starts to wake up and I slightly smile when I see her beautiful blue-gray eyes looking up into mine. "Hey," I say. "I don't know how late it is and I still need to fix that leg." She looks up at me, clearly still tired and waking up, and once she realizes what I am saying, she nods.

I know that she wouldn't be able to walk right away because of 3 reasons. 1. She just woke up. 2. She is sore and tired. And 3. She is still hurt, whether she accepts it or not. So I pick her up and carry her bridal style to the rock and sit her down on the edge. I walk back to where the First Aid Kit is at and grab it.

Once I reach Tris again, I open it up and start to search for things I will need. I grab the Hydrogen Peroxide, gauze, and cotton balls out of the kit. **(AN: I have no idea what is all exactly in a First Aid Kit, so bear with me here!)** I look at up Tris. "You ok with me doing this," I ask. She looks into my eyes after a couple of moments and nods her head yes. "Ok. Then let's get this over with," I say, and I start working on her leg.

**Tris POV**

The first thing Four does is drizzles the Hydrogen Peroxide onto my gash. It burns very badly, but I don't want to seem weak, so I just hiss through my teeth, hoping he wouldn't hear. I think I was pretty quiet, but it is hard to tell.

After I couple of seconds, I don't think he did, but then he interrupts my thoughts and says, "Sorry." Ok, so he did hear it. I guess I wasn't as quiet as I thought I was.

He then takes a couple of cotton balls and rubs them across my calf. This doesn't burn as bad as it did the first time. Still burns, but I have been through worse…much worse.

While he is concentrating on my leg, I look at my scars on my hands. I look at every one of them, thinking about how they were formed. I still don't know for sure, but I have guesses. From the impact, burn, or debris, are my best bets. When we crashed, the back of the car was on fire. It was bad.

While I am looking at my scars, I keep looking at Four every once in a while, to make sure he isn't watching me. I don't want him to ask questions. But, he doesn't seem like the type of person who would ask about personal things. Then come back and hurt you. Then again, Eric didn't seem like that person either. But Four is….different. He has a different aroma surrounding him. A mysterious one, but a comforting one as well. He makes me feel safe. In fact, I think that my nap was the only one in the past couple of years that haven't been filled with nightmares. And I know that it was him that made them disappear. I sure wouldn't say that though…I think I would die of embarrassment. Literally.

As I am thinking all of this, his voice penetrates my thoughts…about him. I can't believe I was thinking about him all this time! That's not like me at all to think about someone I have just met too much! But the strange thing is…I don't mind that at all.

I shut out my thoughts and actually start to listen to what he was saying. "Tris…Tris…you in there?" I only then realize that I have been staring at him this whole time. I can feel heat rush to my cheeks and quickly look down, to try and hide the deep red that I'm sure is covering my face. =I hear him quietly chuckle. "Tris, you don't need to be embarrassed. It's fine. I get it. You were lost in your thoughts," he says. Well, that is partly true. I was lost in my though, but little does he know that they were about him.

I slowly look up when I know that my cheeks have returned to their normal color, and can no longer feel heat in my neck and face. I look at him and see his dark blue eyes staring back into my plain blue-gray ones. It is like a staring contest. Eventually Four breaks his gaze and starts to put the stuff back into the First Aid Kit. I just watch.

When he is done, he turns back to me and says, "We better start heading back. With any luck, we will be outside by dark." He then smiles, probably to let me know that he was just joking with me. "C'mon. Let's get going. I will need to give you a ride home. I am pretty sure I am the only one still here and the one that has a car. So…if it is okay with you, you will need to write down an address or something so I can drop you off at the right house," he says.

Should I give him my address? Of course I should. How else am I going to get home? Tori is probably gone, plus I have no clue how long we have been sitting down there. So I nod my head at him and start to get off the rock, but more carefully than I did the last time. He grabs my arm and helps me off, since I am not quite as tall as the rock and it wouldn't be a good idea if I jumped with my leg still healing.

Once I am off the rock we start walking back to the cave, me with just a slight limp. We walk in silence, but it isn't an awkward silence; it is a peaceful and friendly one. Is Four my friend? I can't be sure, but I am pretty sure that he is.

It is kind of funny to think that just this morning, I told myself that I wouldn't make any friends whatsoever. Then Four and Christina come along and my vow was broken. But I actually can see us being friends. Maybe even being friends with the rest of the people that were sitting at that table at lunch. Just maybe. And I am not bothered by that much. I mean, of course I am nervous because of the way it turned out with Hailey and Taylor, but I think that these guys are different. At least, I know Four and Christina are. And if they hang out with those other people, then I bet that they're decent. At least, I hope.

By the time I am done thinking all of this, we are getting towards the end of the tunnel. We keep walking and finally we are out of the tunnel. My leg aches and burns, but I won't dare do anything about it. I mean, for one I deserve this pain. But I have had enough weak moments around Four and I really don't want my weakness to show like that again.

"Ok…so I think we better slide this panel back into place. It's pretty heavy though," Four says. Great. Just what I needed. Another possible way for my leg to be weak and give out. It isn't even that big of a gash! But I guess I haven't been eating or exactly been taking care of myself the greatest. But still…I wish I was stronger.

Together, we slide the panel back into place. He was right…it was really heavy and now my leg is shaking, but I don't pay attention to it. I just start to walk out the door when Four does. My leg is getting shakier, but I still ignore it.

Pretty soon, my arms have taken up the shaking also. Both legs and arms are shaking, but to cover it up, I cross my arms and hope that will stop a little bit of the shaking. It barely stopped, but I grit my teeth and keep walking.

Now, a few paces farther, I have tears forming in my eyes because it is getting quite painful. Crossing my arms isn't helping at all now. My whole body is shaking and I am now hoping and praying that Four won't notice that my leg is about to collapse from underneath me. But I already know that it is too much to ask for, so it doesn't surprise me when he stops.

He looks at me up and down. Then he sighs. "Tris, you really shouldn't have been using that leg too much. When it started to shake you should've stopped. I understand. Because now look at you…" he trails off at the end. I guess he is right. I have sweat trickling down my forehead and I am shaking like an earthquake. "Why don't you sit down Tris," he says. Although that is all I want to do, I stubbornly shake my head no.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He says, "Tris. You. Are. Not. Weak. I know that's why you're saying no. Did anyone ever tell you that you were stubborn?" _"Well, yes. Actually you'd be surprised at how many times I have been told that,"_ I think.

I don't know how he knew that I was thinking that I was weak and that is why I said no, but honestly, I don't really care at the moment. I need to sit down. I need to and I know it. But once again, I shake my head. He lets out a breath through his nose and walks over to me. He grabs my shoulders and gently pushes me down against the wall. It doesn't help that my leg immediately collapses when he does this. I glare at him, but he just says, "Tris, you needed it. You need to sit for a couple more minutes before you are going to get up and walk again." I just huff and look away. I know he is right …I can't do anything about it though. It's not like I can just get up and start walking now.

He watches me for a second before sliding down against the wall next to me. We sit there for a couple of minutes before he says, "Listen Tris. I know you're not mad at me. You can act like it, but I know. So please stop ignoring me and let's head on up to my car. Ok?"

He's right. I'm not mad at him. I couldn't possibly be mad at him after everything he has done for me today. So I turn my head and look at him, then nod my head. He gets up first and offers a hand down to me. I take it gratefully and he helps me up. Once again, when we touch, I feel little sparks in my hand. But I shrug it off. It's probably nothing…right?

Once I am up, we head out the doors of the school and just like we thought, there is only one or two cars that we can see. One of them being Four's. He heads toward the silver Hyundai. It's a nice car and I like how it isn't too much. It's just right. He digs in his pocket and pulls out a set of keys and unlocks it. He helps me in before getting in himself. He gives me a piece of paper and a pencil. I look at him, one eyebrow arched. "To write down your address on," he says. I feel stupid. He told me he would do this.

I grab the pencil and write down,

1664 Diversey Avenue** (Btw…this is actually a street name in Chicago. I did some research…It was pretty darn close to Divergent.)**

When I hand it back to him his eyes seem to bulge out of his head. This makes me really confused. I stare at him expectantly. When he looks back over at me, he asks, "Did you move into a house that has bricks and a flower garden in the backyard? Just a couple of weeks ago?" Something is suspicious…I did move into a house with that description, at that time. I slowly nod my head yes. He just smiles at me, turns the car on and says, "Well I guess you are my new neighbor now."

I stare at him shocked. We are neighbors?! Cool! At least I know I don't have a stuck up rich kid next door. I look at him and smile. Yes. I smile a genuine smile. It's not a huge smile, but it counts. He looks shocked for a moment before smiling back. "I guess I know where to go then," he says. He starts to drive to Diversey Avenue.

When we get stopped at a red light, he asks me, "Is there any specific reason you moved here Tris?" As he says this, I immediately tense up and tears start to form in my eyes. He looks over and sees this and apologizes. "Sorry! Sorry…I shouldn't have even brought it up!" I manage to blink back the tears. Then I relax and look at him and hope that my eyes are telling him that it's okay. That he didn't know it was a sensitive topic. He nods at me right as the light turns green. He looks back at the road and drives the rest of the way there in a peaceful silence, once again.

He pulls into our block and in front of my house. He asks me, "This is it…right?" I nod and smile at him again. It feels good to smile again. Especially since I have a reason to now. I start to get out of the car and Four immediately jumps out and helps me.

We make it to the front door step when I realize that he doesn't know that Tori is my guardian now. Well…I don't think he'll care. Might as well tell him. I mean, we are neighbors. He would find out sooner or later anyways.

He knocks on the door. It is only a few seconds later that I hear several thumps and footsteps running towards the door. Four looks at me kind of funny…like why is this person sprinting towards the door? And that is actually one question that I could answer. Tori has always been a worrier. Not about anything and everything….just about the people that she cares for and loves. So yes. I know why she is sprinting towards the door. I'm just waiting to see Four's reaction.

Finally, the door opens and a worried Tori stands there. Well…a worried CONFUSED Tori. I look at Four and he looks the same way…just confused though. Not very worried. He is the first to speak. "Tori? Wait…what? Are you Tris' mom?" he says. Wow. What a great way to start. "Hi Four…and no I am not Tris' mom. However, I am her guardian," she says. This makes Four even more confused. Tori FINALLY looks over at me and checks me over. She looks me up and down and her eyes stop at my leg. Her eyes widen and she becomes worried again. "Oh my gosh! What happened?! Come in Tris! You too Four," she says.

We both walk inside, both Four and Tori helping me since I can barely walk on it now. I hate it because it reminds me of how weak I am, but I don't want to injure myself anymore, so I let them.

We reach the couch in the living room and there we all sit down. Tori looks at both of us, waiting for someone to say something. Four sits there looking between me and Tori, trying to figure out what is going on. I just sit here and watch them both. Whenever either makes eye contact I look at my hands like they are the most interesting thing in the world.

Eventually Tori says, "Somebody please tell me what is going on here!? Four?!" She looks at me mostly while she is saying this. Once again, I watch my hands. Four looks at me and says, "Well, you already know when she ran off. That story. So…what exactly do you want to hear?" "How about we start with that," Tori says, while pointing at my leg. I can feel my cheeks warm up again.

"Well…do you want the long-drawn out story or the short one?" he asks. "You know, I really don't care as long as I have an idea of what happened," Tori says. Four nods and says, "The short story then."

I already know the whole thing, so I tune out. I try to focus on my hands and the floor that way my mind doesn't turn back to memories. And for once, my mind isn't plagued with memories. I don't want to admit it, but I think that sitting by Four is helping with this.

After a couple of minutes I start to worry that Four told her where I was at. I really don't want anyone to know, except Four of course. I start to tune back in when I hear Tori ask me, "But where exactly where were you? None of us could find you!" I give Four a grateful look. I am glad that he didn't mention where I was. I want that to be kept between us. I am just going to give Tori a vague answer then.

I point at Four as if to say, "He found me. What do you mean none of you could?" Tori just gives me a stare and says, "Ha. Ha. Very funny." She looks at me again, but I don't do anything else. Tori sighs after a little bit of this. "Ok. So obviously you aren't going to tell me. But you know what? As long as you are alright, then it doesn't really matter to me. You are safe. That's what matters," she says. She gives me a hug after she says this. I hug her back.

She pulls back and looks at Four. "Thank you Four, for finding her," she says. Four smiles and says, "Anytime. Anytime." He looks at me as he says this. I blush and stare at the ground. Tori reaches over and gives him a hug. It only lasts a few moments, though.

"Well…Tris. You should probably go get some rest. You have school tomorrow," Tori says. I frown at her. "Tris." Tori gives me a look. It wipes off the look on my face. "I will go get your room ready for you while you two say goodbye. When you're done, can you help her up Four?" Tori asks. Four nods. She walks upstairs soon after.

Four looks at me and says, "Well…I guess I don't have much to say other than get some rest and get better soon." I slightly smile at him. He smiles back and reaches out to give me a hug. I lean forward and wrap my arms around his neck. We both hold each other tightly. I bury my head into the crook of his neck. I close my eyes and start to fall asleep again.

I feel Four start to pick me up. I may have protested if I wasn't so tired, but this time I let him carry me. I lean my head on his chest and close my eyes again. I feel him and Tori lay me on the bed and cover me up. My eyes were shut, but I could still hear them talk.

"You know, I hate to admit it, but I was kind of hoping you were going to be the one to find her. I knew you were quiet and could hear better than most of us. You'd take care of her right away. Thanks for that Four. Do you need a ride home?" Tori asks. I can hear Four chuckle. "Well, not unless you want to drive less than 10 feet." I know Tori is probably very confused. "I live right next door," Four finally says. "Oh…that makes sense. Well, then I guess I may be having you help me at times," Tori says. He just says, "You don't even have to ask. I will help anytime." "Nice to know Four. Thank you for helping out today. Have a safe walk home," Tori says. I crack my eyes open slightly. I see Tori wink and smile. Four smiles back and says, "I will. Thanks Tori."

He starts to walk out, but Tori stops him. "Wait Four. I just want to tell you that I think you are going to be good for her. She's had a rough couple years and I think she deserves someone like you. So no. Thank YOU. So much. For everything." Four starts to look over at me. I shut my eyes quickly. All Four says is, "I sure hope so Tori. I sure hope so." I hear him walk out afterwards.

I hear footsteps coming towards me. I know it is Tori. "Goodnight Tris. Sweet dreams," she says. I can hear footsteps walk out and the door shut moments later. I open my eyes again. I get up and walk over to my window. I see Four walk in through his front door as I look down. I wonder if his room is the one across from mine. I wait a few minutes and my question is answered as I see him walk into the room and flop down on the bed. I don't think he knows that my room is the one in the window across from him. At least, he doesn't show any sign of knowing.

I step back and pull my shade over my window. As much I don't want to, I know I need to do some things before I actually go to sleep. And I respect his privacy. I walk into my bathrooom and get into the shower. I grab my razor part way through it. But tonight, I only add 5 new cuts. One for each family member, another for my carelessness, and one for stupid, ugly me.

I get out of the shower and take out my hair dye. I dye it the same way, get dressed, and crawl back to bed. I climb under the covers and close my eyes. I never knew that a day could be so jam packed. It wasn't as bad as usual though. I made a couple of friends and hopefully more to come. I am just glad that this isn't going to (hopefully) isn't going to turn out like my old school. I don't think I could take that. I am just happy that I have Four and Christina FOR SURE. If it ends up just being those two, than I would be fine with that. With that thought, I drift off to sleep.

**I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! Unfortunately, I was very busy this weekend. I had a sleepover on Friday, my grandma spent the night on Saturday and I also went to see Big Hero 6. (It was very good.) But I also was sick for part of last week. I am almost completely better. Just a little cough for right now. Yesterday, I had my grandpa come to my house for part of the day and the other part I was with my mom's side of the family for soup and cinnamon rolls. I also have an aunt** **that will be coming up to go to a movie with my family and her kids and husband on Friday or Saturday. So I may not be able to update for a little while. But I will try to update next week as much as I can! I hope this chapter makes up for the time I haven't updated. We didn't have school today. YES! But can we get to 60 reviews? It would make me really happy! I danced the whole day that I reached 55 reviews! So thank you to all who have reviewed, favorited, and followed!:) See you soon!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey I'm back! Thanks so much for all of your reviews! They made me so happy! I've been typing as much as I could! I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Isn't obvious that I am Veronica Roth? **

**JK! I am not Veronica Roth, therefore, I do not own anything of hers. Not even her house.**

**Warning: Mention of rape. If you don't want to read it, then skip past my 2 AN's.**

**Four's POV**

I climb into bed and just think for a little bit. One thing is Tori's conversation with me. _"I just want to tell you that I think you are going to be good for her. She's had a rough couple years and I think she deserves someone like you." _Does Tori suspect that I like Tris? I mean, I didn't think it was THAT obvious. Then again, Tori seems like the type of person that could read your mind. I saw the way her and Tris communicated. She understood right away, asking no questions. That's pretty good. Even if she has been living with Tris for the past couple of years.

I decide to think about something else, trying to piece together what little information I have been given. Trying to get a general idea of what could've possibly happened to Tris. "_She's had a rough couple of years and I think she deserves someone like you." _

I think about this for a little bit. It had to have happened to her in the past 2-3 years. Whenever this happened, it had to be somewhat recent. I mean, if it was 4 years ago then I don't think Tris would be acting like this. But if it happened just 1 year ago, then Tris wouldn't probably respond at all, depending on how bad her situation was. And Tori wouldn't have said, "Couple of years." She would've said year…right? Ugh. I don't know. This whole thing is giving me a headache.

I look over at my alarm clock by my bed and see that it says it is 12:34 a.m. Have I really been thinking about this for that long? Wow. I probably need to get some sleep. I roll over and close my eyes, trying to get some sleep before the morning.

After about an hour, I decide that the idea of sleep is pointless and get up. I sit up in the bed and just sit there, trying to enjoy some peace and quiet, at least, before my alarm would start to yell at me to get up.

I do enjoy the peace for a little while, until I hear a piercing scream coming from…Tris' house? I run over to my window to see if I can see anything. I get a perfect view of what is happening actually. My window looks into Tris' room. I see Tris thrashing around in her bed. I am about to go over there when I see Tori walk in. She shakes Tris and wakes her up. Tris sits up really fast. Tori hugs her and holds her tight. After a minute or two, Tris seems to get over her initial shock and hugs Tori back. It must've been a nightmare.

When I look more closely, I see that Tris' hair is black, gray, and blue again. Is that her natural hair? Or did she dye it again? Obviously the blue is a dye, but I can't be sure about the black or gray. Usually people don't have gray hair unless they're old, but Tris is only 16. It could be that she has gray hair, but I don't think that it is her natural hair, so I rule that color out. It has to black or blonde. Either of which could be natural colors. She can pull off black and blonde hair, so I have no idea which color it actually is. Maybe someday I will know.

I am snapped out of my thinking process when they both release from their embrace. I can see Tori's mouth moving, but I can't hear what it is. I see Tris nod and lay back down. Tori walks out a little bit later. I am about to go lay back down too, until I see Tris get up and walk out of her room. I look over at my clock. It reads, 1:23 a.m. What could she be doing at this hour? I don't know.

I watch from my window for 15 minutes, but she never returns. I decide to go back to bed. Nothing happened to her…I am pretty sure. Tori is there…she can take care of Tris. And Tris can take care of herself. So I leave the situation alone.

I go back to my bed and lay down. 10 minutes later, I remember that I couldn't fall asleep. I decide to go to the dugout. You see, the dugout is somewhere I found that was beneath my house. It basically was a big, empty room when I found it. I bought some beanbag chairs, some rugs, and a TV and spruced the place up a little bit. I always have noticed that there was a door there, but I have never checked it out. I don't know if I want to know where it leads. It probably is none of my business.

I get up and get dressed in a T-shirt and sweatpants. I quickly walk down the stairs from my room and try to remember where the panel was that led to it. I haven't been down there for at least for 6 months. I almost forgot about the place. It probably is covered in dust and dirt.

Suddenly I remember that the panel was in the hallway. I run my fingers along the walls of the hall and stop when I feel a slight bump in it. I slide it left and after a little while it opens. There are stairs leading to the room, but thankfully, there aren't many. I walk down the stairs and suddenly stop.

I hear a lot of thumps and yells from down there. Did someone else find this place? Surely not…I mean there has been that other door there ever since I found the place. I thought it probably led to the house next door, which was for sale at the time. But now it isn't now because Tris and Tori moved in…oh…it makes sense now. It must be Tris…I don't think Tori would have any reason to come down here. I think?

I continue walking down the stairs as fast as I can. As I get closer, the thumps get louder and I can hear a scream every once in a while. Is she hurt? Panic rushes through me, but I keep walking down the stairs at the same pace, making sure I won't trip since I didn't bring any kind of light.

I get closer and closer and I can finally hear all of the sounds. I can her someone-probably Tris-running and a few moments after, a loud thump from the wall. She is either punching it or throwing stuff at it. It's hard to tell which one she's doing. Every few minutes, I hear a frustrated scream.

I decide to open the door, but am caught by surprise when something hits the door. I yelp, because of my surprise. The sounds suddenly stop and I hear shuffling. I open up the door.

**Tris POV**

When I threw a bean bag at the door that I have not yet explored, I heard a yell come from inside of it. I was terrified. I ran behind a pile of bean bags and rugs I had made for my pile of "ammo", as I liked to call it.

The door opens and hold my breath. "Hello?" someone says. But this isn't just _someone_…it was Four! I would know his voice anywhere. I keep holding my breath. "Tris? I know you're in here. Where are you?" By this time, it's been about a minute and my lungs are burning. My eyes start to water, but I STILL hold my breath. I know I won't last for much longer though.

I hear footsteps coming towards me. I squeeze my eyes shut. "Tris?" Four asks again. I hear him sigh about a minute later. I can hear him plop down on one of the bean bags that I am hiding behind. Now, I have tears streaming down my face, my vision is spotty, and my lungs are on fire. I angrily swipe at my tears and when I know Four isn't going to get up for a while, I stuff my face into a bean bag next to me and suck in a HUGE breath. I hope it was quiet. I keep my face in there for a little while, until my tears have stopped, my vision is only a little bit spotty, and my lungs are only slightly burning now. I start to take breaths through my nose as I pull my face out.

Either Four didn't hear me, or he is just letting me have some time, but he has only shifted a bit. I take this time to gather a rug in my hands and ball it up inside of my fist. I pretend that this is Eric.

My nightmare tonight was not the usual. It wasn't about that September day. It was about Eric, and the second worse night of my life.

You are probably wondering about Eric. Who is Eric? Why is he so bad? What happened? Well, I was 14 when IT happened. I'll tell you the full story, but right now, I will just give you the outlines.

So, basically, Eric betrayed me. We were a couple; boyfriend, girlfriend, and my best friend. He acted like a perfect gentleman and I was stupid enough to think that we would be together forever. Looking back on it now is just a nightmare and it only adds more cuts to my daily amount. I was young and stupid and I thought that I-no-_we_ were in love. And while I had my head stuck up in the clouds, he turned around and stabbed me in the back. Not literally…but pretty close.

So…now that you know what this is kind of about, here is the full story.

I was 12. 7th grade and wanted nothing more than the other girls in my class did; to be noticed by someone. To hopefully be asked out by one of the boys. So when Eric came along, of course I said yes.

You see…about a month before he asked me, I had noticed that he had been staring at me a little longer than what was appropriate. When I noticed, I would simply blush and turn away. He was a year older than me! Why would he like me?

After a little while, my _friends_ had started to notice too. They would bug me at lunch, at class, on the phone, and basically EVERYWHERE I went. It started to get annoying.

After a couple of weeks, Eric came up to me at lunch and asked to speak with me privately. My heart was pounding at that point and I nodded and got up. I was blushing also because the people I was sitting with were giggling and winking at me and Eric.

He had pulled me into a hallway and asked me, "Listen Beatrice. I really like you. I have for a little while. So I guess my question is…will you go out with me?" It wasn't anything unique or special, but by that time, I was so overwhelmed that my wish had come true, that I didn't think things over and I just nodded my head yes.

He smiled and we walked back into the cafeteria together. When my friends asked, I said that we were together.

A couple of years passed and I was just turning 14. I got invited, along with Eric, to a party. It was for me. At that time, Eric and I were popular so a lot of people were going to come. Caleb was also pretty popular, even though he was a nerd, so when people found out that his sister was having a party, they decided to come too.

That night, my house was packed to the very brim. I hadn't expected so many people to come. So I really couldn't see my way through anything. Later, Eric came up behind me. I could tell it was him cause he did his signature whisper into my ear. He had asked me, "Hey Bea. Wanna get out of here?" Not knowing what he meant, I nodded, ecstatic that I could maybe breathe without being breathed on.

He grabbed my hand and led me to my room. I was a little confused as why he had brought me there. He, obviously knowing what I was thinking, smirked and asked me, "Do you love me?" I was startled and stared at him. I was pretty sure that I was in love at that point, but I guess I was just too shocked to respond. He asked me it again. "Bea, do you love me?" I looked into his eyes and said that I did, indeed, love him.

The look on his face after that was so vicious and so sardonic after that, that I had taken a step back out of fear. I tried to take back what I said, realizing that I shouldn't be scared of the man that I _love. _"Eric…listen. Maybe I was wrong. We are too young to be in love. Don't you think?" I had said.

His facial expression tightened and his face got red. My heart had started to beat a little faster than normal. He had suddenly lunged at me. I tried to get out of the way, but I wasn't quick enough. He had slapped me, punched me, kicked me, and threw me until I was laying on the ground, trying to process what just happened.

He started walking towards me with that same look and I just cowered back against the wall even more, afraid of what was next. Finally, he was up next to me. He whispered into my ear. "You can't take back what you said. You said you loved me. Now prove it." **( AN: This is where it starts. I think you kind of know what happens.)**

He threw me onto my bed and realizing what he was about to do, started to fight back. It was working, because he wasn't getting where he wanted to. Until he pulled out the knife. My eyes were as big as saucers and I screamed as he slid the knife down my stomach, successfully making a gash and cutting my shirt off.

Not being able to fight back anymore, he got what he wanted. I did try to fight back sometimes, but he just cut me even more. I was just hoping someone would find me.

I got most of my scars from that night. Later, when the first thrust was performed, I had screamed so loud, but still no one came to help me. I passed out from the pain right after. I don't know how long it went on.

When I had woken the next morning, I sobbed and sobbed. I locked my door, closed my drapes, and didn't go to school for the next week. All I could think about was the pain; both mentally and physically.

**(AN: That was the end. For those of you who didn't read it, Eric did it, hitting and cutting her in the process.)**

I shake my head as I stop thinking about it. It just brings more frustrated tears to my eyes. I ball up the rug even more, and start to see red again. I forget that Four is here and tug up on the rug.

I get up and throw it at the wall with all my strength. I see Four turn around, but I don't worry about it. I don't want to end up hurting him. I turn back to the pile. I grab another bean bag and spin, then let go and let it hit the wall again. "TRIS! STOP! What are you doing?!" I hear Four yell at me. I don't answer though, just focused on throwing things and making the most damage I can.

I throw a few more bean bags, with Four's yells of course, but still feel angry. Nothing is breaking! I ball my fist up and hit the wall. It makes a loud thud and it hurts really bad. But I have had worse. I keep punching the wall until I feel hands dragging me away from the wall. I turn around, knowing that it has to be Four, and try to hit him. He easily blocks it. I keep trying to lash out at him, still seeing red.

After a while of this, he knows I am not stopping. He sighs and tells me to calm down. I don't listen though. I keep trying to get away so I can keep punching the wall.

He takes me by surprise and pushes me down onto a beanbag. He puts my arms above my head and pins them down, along with my legs. I can only move my head. I still keep trying, even though I know I have a 0% chance of getting away. "Tris. Calm down. Calm, down." he keeps saying.

Eventually, I realize what I am actually trying to do. I am trying to HURT Four! The one who just saved me from breaking my hand, and helping me out all day at school. What does he think of me now? I am such a complete idiot! I stop moving right away and I think it takes Four by surprise.

I relax my shoulders and huff. My vision gets normal again. I look down. Knowing that I've stopped, Four unpins me, allowing me to get up. I don't though. I just sit there, thinking about what I have just done. I couldn't control myself.

I don't though. I just sit there, thinking about what I have just done. I couldn't control myself. I hate myself right now. I see Four sigh and crouch down next to me on the floor. "Tris. It's fine. You didn't even touch me. It's not your fault. You weren't thinking straight. Ok?" he says. I look at him incredulously. I just try to hurt him! The man who has helped me all day, and he still isn't mad at me? How!? I would be mad if it was switched around. That just goes to show how great of a friend he is.

I look up at him, and to show him that I am sorry, thankful, and ok all at once without saying anything, I throw my arms around his neck and squeeze him. It only takes a second before he starts to hug back. A couple of minutes later, I can feel all the tension leave my shoulders, as I relax.

Unfortunately, it is only a couple more minutes before we release each other. Wait-what am I thinking?! I am GLAD that I am not hugging Four anymore! Right? Oh, who am I kidding? I love how I feel safe and secure in his arms. For once, I can actually relax and let go of all my worries when I am in his arms.

"Tris?" I hear Four ask. I snap my head up and give him my attention so I don't daze off again. "Do you think we should put everything back and go back to bed before school tomorrow? I mean, I get if you don't want to…it's just that we will both be super tired if we don't at least try and get a few more hours of sleep," he says.

He's probably right. I am getting super tired and can barely keep my eyes open. I look around the room.

What I see surprises me. Bean bags and rugs are all over the floor. The place where I punched the wall has a big dent in it. Some bean bags have small holes that have beads spilling out of them.

I must've looked as surprised as I felt too, because I hear Four chuckling. "Ya…I don't know what set it off, but you kind of scared me when you went into a rampage there. I was not expecting that," he says, while looking around the room as well.

Without a word, I get up and start putting things back where they belong. After Four realizes what I am doing, he gets up and starts helping as well. Pretty soon, everything looks pretty normal except for the abnormal dent in the wall from my fist. I look at Four and he is looking at it too. He turns to me while smiling. "What did that wall ever do to you?" he asks me, while smiling. I smile too, and shrug.

"Well…I hate to say it Tris, but I think a few more hours of sleep for both of us sounds pretty good." I just nod. Ya…I don't know how EXACTLY I am going to make it up my stairs without falling asleep. Four starts walking towards me. I get a little afraid, knowing that the last time someone started walking towards me like this, it did not end well. *cough* Eric. *cough* But I quickly dismiss those thoughts, knowing Four would never do that to me.

When Four is next to me, he wraps his arms around my waist. Realizing that he is not hurting me, just merely hugging me, I hug back again. For the 3rd time today. I think?

It only lasts a few seconds though before I start to yawn. Four releases me. "Goodnight Tris. Sleep well," he says. I smile back at him and wave. Then I walk to the opposite side of the room where the door is. I turn back one last time, but Four is already gone. I start to climb up the stairs.

I finally get to the top and step out. I then slide the panel back in place and go to my room. My clock reads 3:30 am. Wow…was I really down there for that long?

I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror to make sure my dye is still in. It is, but when I brush it, some of it starts to come off. So I wash it out and put the new stuff in.

After that, I climb back under the covers of my bed. I look out my window and see that Four is in his bed too. He isn't asleep yet though. He is sitting up…for some reason. I close the drapes and lay down.

I close my eyes, but then suddenly they snap open. I am scared of nightmares. They already brought me a nice flashback of Eric. What else do they plan to bring? The regular nightmares, or something else? Eric again?

With these thoughts, I get up and start pacing. I can't fall back asleep. I look at the clock again, but it only says 4:03 am. I have two and a half more hours before I have to get up for school. I sigh and go sit on my bed. Maybe this is why Four was sitting up also? Could he not fall asleep?

I open up my drapes and look at him. He is still sitting up, but he's not facing me. I turn away and leave the drapes open, knowing I would open them soon anyways.

I start to think about the date. What is it anyways? I know it's the first day of school, so it has to be sometime in late August or early September. I have no way to tell though…except for my alarm. I remember Tori telling me that there is a button I can push that will tell me the date. I didn't really pay attention then though, but now I wish I did.

I turn to the alarm and start working on it. I push all the buttons I can find, but it never tells me the date. I am getting frustrated. I need to know what the date is! I keep trying, but later I start pounding on it. When I am frustrated, I start hitting or throwing things…in case you couldn't tell.

Then I feel someone's eyes burning into the back of my head. I don't know how I can tell…I guess I just have always been able to know if someone was watching me. Don't ask why. My mom always could too. Did I get it from her? Probably.

I slowly turn in the direction of the eyes. When I am turned, I am staring out the window into a pair of dark blue ones. It was Four. He is smiling. He saw my alarm pound, I'm guessing.

At first I get a little angry that he was watching me, then I think about it, and I do have to admit. I probably looked funny while I was pushing a million buttons, then pounding on it. I smile too. Then he mouths some words to me. Lucky for him, I've always been able to read lips. _"What were you doing?"_ After I can see him laugh. Woah! He laughed! He actually laughed! And I was the one to make him laugh! I mean…he has chuckled before, but never full out LAUGHED!

_"He's probably laughed before Tris. It's nothing to get too excited about," _I think to myself. My smile still gets wider though. I see him give me an expectant look. I mouth back, _"Nothing…" _He shakes his head, obviously not believing me. He then says, _"What were you trying to figure out? Obviously not the time." _ I can feel my cheeks start to heat up. I can't believe he saw that whole thing!

_"The date…?" _I mouth. _"You don't know what the date is?" _he asks me. I shake my head. He turns around and walks over to somewhere in his room. Where was he going? Did he just leave me because he thought I was stupid enough not to know the date? No…surely not. He wouldn't do that…would he?

My question is answered when he walks back and holds up a sheet of paper. It says, _"August 28". _August 28? It's only a month until it will officially be 2 years since I've been without my real family. Only 31 days. 744 hours.

I hang my head down and take a deep breath, while I will myself not to cry in front of Four…again. I can feel tears burning in the back of my eyes. I am completely and utterly dreading September 28th. Even today, with giving myself a gash on the leg, having a horrible nightmare, and crying in front of Four and everyone else on the table, is _wonderful_ compared to what that day will be like. I just know that it won't be pretty.

Once I feel the tears leave, I look back up at Four. He looks concerned, worried, and confused all at the same time. I look away from him for a second. I don't want to have to explain why I am upset about the _date_.

In a normal life, the _date_ wouldn't even matter to them. I wish so much that my life could be normal. But it can't. My life is just sad, fearful, and full of regret. It's great! Note the sarcasm.

I take a chance and look back at Four. He is writing something on the paper. When he is done, the paper reads, _"I'm not gonna ask any questions because I know you won't answer them. But are you ok?" _ I smile at his concerned face. It's kind of cute actually…NO! It's not cute! I can't be thinking this stuff! Can I? Is it ok to be thinking this? I don't even know anymore. I'm so confused about everything, so I just let those thoughts fade away and nod at him, while giving him a slight smile to prove that I am ok. He smiles back. He writes something else.

_"Is it really 4:30?"_ I look back at my clock. It says it is 4:33 am. Feeling like being a smart Alek, I grab a piece of paper, large enough for him to see and write, _"Well, no actually." _ When I show Four, he looks confused. I write down, _"Technically, it's 4:33."_ I have a smirk on my face. He just shakes his head and writes, _"Feeling smart, now are we?" _My smirk just gets bigger until it turns into a smile.

He yawns. A couple of seconds later, I yawn too. I swear, yawns are contagious! I look back at him, only to find him holding a note saying, _"I am actually tired now…I am going back to bed. Good night Tris!" _ I wave at him and smile, then write, _"Good night." _He smiles and goes to his bed. I close my drapes, _again_, and go to my bed.

Tonight was the closest I have ever been to talking. I think that's why Four looked so shocked when I mouthed back to him. I think I kind of surprised myself too. I didn't ever think I would get this close to talking…of course that was back in the house I grew up in. And knowing that I got close to talking doesn't bother me. I feel like if I do end up talking to someone like Four, then I wouldn't mind. And I wouldn't.

I also smiled…a LOT. And I'm not ashamed. It felt good to smile. I haven't smiled like that in a long time. Once again, Four was able to make me smile. And once again, I don't mind. With these thoughts, I smile _again. _

So tonight, when I go to bed to get just another hour or so of sleep, I'm not afraid of what my nightmares will bring. I am almost starting to chant in my mind, _"Bring it on!" _I am actually glad that I might be able to get some sleep. I am glad that Four came along…even if we just are acquaintances in the future, I am thankful for tonight.

I lay down and close my eyes. I picture Four's face in my mind before I fall asleep. And for once, I sleep in peace. In the dark, where no nightmares can get me. And I can only thank Four.

**Hey! So like I promised...I had Chapter 11 up this week! If you don't remember, I promised that I would try to have the next chapter up by next week. And I know I am cutting it close, because it is only 10 minutes until midnight! O_o But I still made it! I might not be able to update this upcoming week…some "things" happened at school…and well…let's just get to the point. I won't ever be able to see one of my friends again. I saw them once on Friday, but then, it was just him running out. I remember his friends were all crying when they saw him run off. He didn't have the best home life and he got made fun of a lot. And now, he is going into the foster care system. So guys…I stress for you not to ever judge someone by what they look, smell, or act like. Because he was a really great kid…he really was. He was just raised by the wrong people. So I can only hope that this life will be better for him. Even if I will never know. So please just keep him in your prayers and thoughts guys. He needs it.**

**Anyways…enough with the sad stuff! Did anyone see Mockingjay Pt. 1!? I saw it and it was the most AMAZING thing EVER! You guys need to go see it if you haven't! YOU NEED TO! **

**And thanks to all of you guys who reviewed last chapter! You guys rock! And thanks to all of my readers, followers, and favorites also! You guys rock too!:) I will try to update as soon as possible, but like I said. It could take a couple of weeks. I am gonna be busy…ESPECIALLY with Thanksgiving and Black Friday coming up! So excited!:) So have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone!:) GOOD NIGHT!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey everybody! Well…I will not be continuing this story...**

**Haha! Just kidding! I would never give up on this story! Sorry for the long wait...I have been super busy...it's getting close to Christmas! Who else is excited!? I KNOW I AM!*&amp;#^! &amp;(*$() ^*2**

**Well…I have such a plugged up nose…I can barely breathe. It sucks. But I figured that I might as well use this time of uselessness to type something up for you guys! I apologize in advance for any mistakes I might make and if this doesn't make any sense. If you don't understand this, which could happen, I might come back and rewrite it when I can think straight. But hopefully that won't happen. Just let me know! Also, this cold that I have is causing my vision to go blurry. I don't have my contacts in either. Well…this should be interesting! Shall we begin?**

**I apologize in advance for any mistakes I might make and if this doesn't make any sense. If you don't understand this, which could happen, I might come back and rewrite it when I can think straight. It's late and I'm tired. That's never a good combination. I hope I don't make any MAJOR mistakes. Hopefully that won't happen. But if it does, just let me know! Also, this cold that I have is causing my vision to go blurry. I don't have my contacts in either. Well…this should be interesting! Shall we begin?**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Divergent, I would be writing a different ending for Allegiant right now. Where CERTAIN people LIVE. But since I am NOT Veronica Roth, that only happen in my dreams. Good day.**

**Chapter 12**

**Tris POV**

I wake up the next morning to the beeping of my alarm. I feel so tired…but last night was worth it. Wasn't it? I think so. I peek through my window and look just in time to see Four disappear from his room. Probably to eat or something.

I get up and make sure that my dye is still in my hair. It's a little faded, but I don't feel like doing it over again, so I leave it be.

I get dressed in black skinny jeans, a black jean jacket, black t-shirt, and a black tennis shoes. I still don't dress up as much as some girls do, but I really don't care. They can think whatever they want. If they say anything about it though, they can taste a nice fist to their face.

I slide down the railing down the stairs and see Tori making breakfast, just like always. She turns around and smiles at me. "I see your calf is doing better?" she says. I almost forgot about that. I guess it is…I mean, I can't feel it. There will probably be another scar there though. I nod my head at Tori. "Sit down at the table. I made eggs and bacon."

I follow her order and sit down. She sets a plate full of eggs and bacon in front of me. "You have to eat at least 4 bites of each. You didn't have anything for supper yesterday. Also, you only ate half an apple for lunch yesterday. Now eat. I'm not budging," she tells me. I sigh. Of course she noticed I didn't eat anything for supper yesterday. But who told her I ate only half an apple? Oh well.

I take exactly 4 bites of each and look up hopefully at Tori. She sighs. "Really Tris? Can you please take one more bite?" I cock my head to the side and give her a look as if to say, "I did what you told me to do." She throws her head back in frustration and huffs. "Fine. You can go. It's good enough, and I know that I won't be able to get you to eat anymore," she says as she rolls her eyes.

Tori is such a little kid sometimes. It's quite funny watching her get frustrated or flustered. That's why I like to do it so much. But I get her frustrated playfully. It's not pretty when she actually gets angry. Kinda like me.

I run upstairs and see that I still have 10 minutes to spare. I brush my teeth and hair and then flop onto my bed. I am so tired, but I tell myself not to fall asleep. I get off my bed so it decreases my chances of falling asleep.

I look out my window and see Four standing there watching me. _"You tired too?" _he mouths. I nod my head. _"Me too. Wanna ride to school?" _he asks me. I guess a ride to school would be nice. I nod my head and mouth, _"Sure."_ He grabs his book bag and mouths to me, _"I'll be there in five."_ I nod my head as I watch him disappear, once again, downstairs.

I go downstairs as well and grab my stuff. I do a double check to make sure I have everything. _Book bag. _Check. _Books. _Check. _Pencil. _Check. _My necklace. _Check.

I have everything. I sit down on the couch and mess with my necklace. It says to be brave. The last words that my mother told me. This necklace is the last thing of her that I have to hold on to. It's kind of funny how this bracelet matches Dauntless standards. It has flames, their logo, and the words "Be Brave" on it, their purpose. Well…part of their purpose.

My thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. It's probably Four. I get off the couch and walk over to it. I open it up and sure enough, there stands Four. "You ready?" he asks me. I haven't told Tori that I got a ride with Four yet. I shake my head and point inside. He looks confused for a second then asks me, "Tori?" I nod my head. He pokes his head inside and yells, "TORI! I'm taking Tris to school! Bye!" He is so loud! I think anyone in a 10 mile radius could hear that. I hear her yell back, "OK FOUR! BYE YOU TWO! TRIS! MAKE SURE YOU DON'T RUN OFF TODAY!" I feel the heat rush to my cheeks and look down and shut the door behind me. Four is laughing. I glare at him. But I smile a second later to show that I'm just playing.

We head out to his car and I slip inside his passenger seat. I throw my book bag in the back seat as Four gets in. I lean my head on the window and close my eyes, thankful for the moment of peace I have before school starts. Before the normal Dauntless chaos begins.

We ride to school in silence, but it isn't an awkward silence. I think we are both just super tired from last night. Especially me. My fist still throbs from when I punched the wall.

Next thing I know we are pulling up into the school parking lot. I can't say I'm too thrilled to be here, but then again, nobody but the Erudite really are. Probably not even the Amity. At least I have Four and Christina to help make the day less painful.

I get out of the car and grab my book bag and walk in the school with Four. Just like I thought. The Dauntless are running around the hallways screaming at the top of their lungs. C-H-A-O-S. _Chaos. _Most people would walk in and try to send us straight to a mental hospital. But for me it's different. This…calms me. It drowns out all of my thoughts and replaces them with laughter, screaming, and the sound of running footsteps. And I can actually relax. I could get used to this. In fact, I think I already am.

Four and I push through some of the crowd, trying to get to our lockers. As we are walking through, I see a few people-three to be exact- walking towards me and Four. Two of them are guys and one of them is a girl. They walk in a trio. I know they aren't going to be the best people after looking at them, so I just put my head down and just keep walking. I count down the seconds until we pass by each other, praying that nothing too bad will happen.

_6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. _As we walk by each other, I feel myself lose balance and fall to the floor. My things fly everywhere. Everyone in a close proximity stops talking and comes over to watch. At first, I am embarrassed and can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. But I still ignore the trio, trying not to become any more embarrassed and start to pick my stuff up. It doesn't even take a second for Four to come down and help me gather my things. Then I hear one of them talk. It's the one in the front. "Ah. Look at Four. He's helping the little runaway black headed idiot pick up her things. How _sweet._"

At this comment I can feel some more heat in my cheeks, but now it is out of anger. How _dare _he bring Four into this! It would be one thing if it was just me, but when you mess with someone I care about, _then _you are about to see something ugly. I clench my fists wanting to punch him so badly, but I force myself to hold back a little while longer, continuing to pick up my stuff. Apparently, the same guy saw me do this and starts laughing.

"Aw…does the little stiff care about Four? Is she getting mad?" he says. I feel Four tense up beside me and look over. He is giving the guy a death glare. Man if looks could kill…

Four starts to get up, but I hold out my arm to stop him from getting up. I don't bother to look over at him, but I know that he is probably confused. My blood is boiling right now out of anger. I think that I already spent enough time being weak. Now is the time to show people not to mess with me.

I slowly stand up. And although I am probably 3 inches shorter than him, I know that I could kick his ass. He arches his eyebrow and just laughs. "Oh no! The stiff is coming after me! Oh no! What will I _ever_ do!? Someone save me!" he says in a very sarcastic tone. After this comment a lot of people laugh. But not me.

I raise my fist up and swing as hard as I can at his nose. I did it so fast that if you blinked, you would have probably missed it. I hear a satisfying crunch. The impact knocks him off the ground and he starts crying. What a baby. He is grabbing his very bloody nose and rolling around. Finally, after a couple of minutes, his little musketeers help him up and start to take him somewhere. Nurse's office I presume.

I finally look up at everybody around and see that their eyes are open wide. Then one of them starts to clap. Pretty soon, the whole circle is clapping for me. I guess no one liked him that much. I don't blame them. He is annoying and acts like a little brat.

I hate the clapping though. I mean, it really isn't necessary. If nobody has stood up to him by now, then they are all idiots. I have always hated a bunch of attention anyways. It makes me uncomfortable. So I grab my stuff out of Four's hands and push my way out of the circle with Four right behind me.

"Tris…I didn't know you could do that! That's awesome! I'm pretty sure that little brat's nose is broken. Maybe that will shut him up for a while," he says to me. Now, from any other person I would've taken that as an insult. I mean, I hate being thought of as weak, even if I know I am, so when somebody underestimates me I get pretty mad. But I know Four doesn't underestimate me. He knows that I can punch through a wall if I tried, so I know that he's just giving me a compliment. So I turn around, smile, and mouth, _"I hope so." _ Four laughs at this.

I finally get to my locker. I open it up and realize that I don't have any of the stuff I need for any of my afternoon classes. Oh well. It's only the second day. I doubt they gave us anything TOO important. I pull my schedule out and put it in my binder that way I can carry it around in case Christina is gone or something and can't show me the way to one of the classrooms.

"Hey Tris, I'm gonna go over to my locker. Ok?" I hear Four say to me. I nod my head yes. He squeezes one of my shoulders before he walks off, and I feel little sparks running through that shoulder to the rest of my body. This is the second to third time I've felt this. But it only happens when Four touches me though, not with anyone else. But I shake the feeling off and start collecting my things once again.

"Hey…Tris right? Friends with Christina, Marlene, Shauna, and Four?" someone says next to me. This surprises me so much that I jump back and almost hit my head on the back of my locker door. "Whoa! Sorry! Didn't mean to scare you! I tend to do that to people. But you are Tris right? And you're friends with all the people I just listed that I don't feel like listing off again?" no name says. I look up at him and nod slowly. No name suddenly grins really big. "Hey I'm Uriah. You sat with us at lunch yesterday. Remember me?" he asks me.

Come to think of it, I do remember him sitting there. I nod again. "Cool! But anyways. Are you gonna sit with us again today?" Uriah asks. I think I will…I mean Tori said to give them a chance and when I gave Christina and Four a chance, I did not regret it. I think it will be the same way with Shauna, Marlene, and Uriah, although I can't be sure. They seem pretty cool though. So why not? And once again, I nod. "Cool! See you at lunch Tris!" Uriah says, before running off to who knows where.

I turn back to my locker but not even ten seconds later I am interrupted, _AGAIN,_ by squealing. I know it's Christina. She's the only one who would squeal like that. I throw my head back and roll my eyes. I swear I can't even get one moment of peace around here!

Suddenly, I feel myself being tackled in a hug. I tense up since it's been a while since I've been hugged by someone that isn't family…not including Tori or Four. I see dark brown hair and incredibly tan skin and know that it's still Christina. I instantly relax and hug back. But just for a couple of seconds. Then I push her off. It doesn't faze her though. "OH MY GOSH! I'm so glad you're ok Tris! I was so worried yesterday! Thank goodness someone found you or I would've had a heart attack! Where did you go anyways?!" she yells all in one breath. I thought it was impossible to talk that fast…until now.

After a couple of seconds she asks me again, "So…where did you go?" I just shrug my shoulders. There is no way I'm telling her. I don't want anybody else to know about it. Well….except for Four I guess. I can't really help that he found it before I did. She narrows her eyes and glares at me, but doesn't push the subject. Thank goodness.

"Well….since I see that you won't tell me where you went, at least tell me who found you. Surely one of us did!" she asks next. I guess there isn't any harm in telling her _who_ found me, as long as she doesn't ask _where_ he found me. So I turn around and find Four, who is still at his locker. But he is also talking to someone who looks almost exactly like Uriah but isn't Uriah. I wonder if he is related to him.

I point my finger at Four. Christina follows my finger and asks, "Zeke?" So that's what his name is. I shake my head. "Four did?" she asks. I nod this time. "Oh okay. Did he take you home?" I nod my head yes again. "Good. I'm so happy you're safe! I was so worried!" she yells. Just then, the bell rings. Saved by the bell.

Christina starts to walk to first hour, and I start to follow her. Just then, Four joins us. He doesn't say a word, but it's not really needed. We have the same first class so why not just walk together? It's just common sense. Nothing special.

Christina starts walking faster and faster to class, and I don't know why. Then she starts to jog. I look towards the classroom and see a boy by the door, just walking in. Christina reaches him and plays it off like she just arrived at the same time as him. When they see each other, big smiles light up their faces. I bet that's her boyfriend or something. If not, then they just have really big crushes on each other and neither has made a move yet.

Since Christina left us behind, it's just Four and I walking through the hallways. I don't know why this makes me nervous. I shouldn't be nervous. It's just Four. But maybe I'm nervous because of my little _'episode' _last night. Or maybe it's because he's breaking down my walls faster than I can put one piece of it together. And that scares me. But maybe it's because he got me really close to talking. Or maybe it's because I am afraid that he will just use me and leave me in the dirt after he gets what he wants…whatever that may be.

Or maybe because of his personality. He is so selfless, brave, encouraging, kind, smart, observant, but is very mysterious. I know that I don't deserve him as a friend. He's too good for me. Yesterday, last night, and this morning proved it. And I want to make sure that he knows that he should just get on with his life because being my friend is surely going to put his social status rate down. But I am so caught up in him. His dark-blue eyes, his dark brown hair, his height, his masculinity, and his almost-never-smiling face. If you would take a look at him, you would expect him to be some sort of jock. But he has proved me wrong. _So _wrong.

And maybe that's why I'm nervous. Because I don't deserve him. _Not one bit._ And yet, I still am accepting his friendship. And as much as I don't want to admit it, I _enjoy_ being around him. And not like Christina, Shauna, Marlene, or even Uriah. Like how I felt around Eric when he and I first got together. Like happiness, fun…like no one in the world will ever ruin that moment. Except Four's company is _better._ I know that he would never do anything even remotely close to what Eric did to me. Every time we are wrapped in each other's arms, my heart starts beating faster, and I feel _safe._ I feel _happy._ I feel _special._ And that's saying a lot. But once he's gone, I go back to being ugly, broken, stupid old me. I wish I could always feel the way I do when I'm with Four. But that will never happen. Not when my nightmares are my reality. Not with my mistakes.

I am still thinking when I hear Four trying to talk to me. He must have been trying for quite a while, because he is now snapping his fingers in front of my face. "Earth to Tris! Tris!" he's saying. I snap out of my thoughts and look up at him. "You were in your own little world for a couple of minutes there…are you ok?" I nod. I mean…if I wasn't with him then I wouldn't be ok at all. Even now, I'm not completely ok. "What were you thinking about?" he asks me. I am never going to tell him that. That would be too embarrassing. So I just shrug my shoulders. He shakes his head and keeps walking towards the classroom.

**I'm just gonna skip to when the bell rings for lunch...because I know most of you already go through this every day...so I'm just saving you the boringness!**

Tori's class was pretty fun. Just like her usual self. We got to draw, or talk, or play games or whatever we wanted, AGAIN, because, as she said, "It's still only the second day back for you guys. I don't want to make it any more dreadful then it has to be." Everyone loves her.

So I just listened to conversations between Shauna, Marlene, and Christina, while I only made motions if I needed to. Whenever they brought up shopping or something, Four and I would give each other looks when they weren't looking like, _"Are they seriously talking about this again?" _or, _"I wanna bang my head against the table over and over again until I pass out, just so I don't have to listen to this."_ It was quite funny actually. Some faces we made were right behind their backs. I would do something like put up a finger gun to Christina's head, but the girls were so engaged in their conversation that they didn't even acknowledge us.

About 10 seconds before the bell rang, we both put our faces right next to Marlene and Christina's faces and it wasn't until the bell rang that they seemed to snap out of their trance and push us off, and while looking at us like we were the craziest people on Earth. And maybe we are.

Right now, the girls are walking ahead of Four and me. Just like this morning. I look up at Four and see a mischievous smile forming on his face. He looks down at me and I narrow my eyes playfully and cock my head to the side. Hopefully he gets that I want to know what he's up to. He must have, but he just tilts his head to the side, pointed to where the girls are walking. They seem to be engaged in conversation again and I suddenly know what Four is planning. A mischievous smile grows on my face also as I look back up at him. We both walk up behind them and start.

I start to take stuff out of Christina's book bag, such as her lotion, make-up bag, hairbrush, pencil, and her phone. I stuff them into my bag and move on to Shauna's. I open up her front pocket and take her pencils, pens, keys, phone, and hand sanitizer.

I walk back behind them a couple of paces back and join Four. He is smiling and pulls stuff out of his book bag. I look at it and find Marlene's phone, pencil, make-up, and her little hand mirror. I grin and get out the stuff I took. I can see him eying everything and laughs when he sees Shauna's keys. After that, we both stick the stuff in our book bags and wordlessly agree to keep them just so we both can see how long it will take them to figure out that their stuff is gone. I don't think Shauna will notice her keys are gone until the end of the day. But who knows?

We go into the lunch line, well, Four does. I go get an apple again. I don't plan on eating much again today. I had a big breakfast. Well…to me anyways. And once again, I wait for Four. In less than 5 minutes, he is out of the line and we walk together to the table. I take a seat across from Christina, and between Uriah and Four.

Uriah starts talking to me. "Hey Tris! What's up?" I just shrug my shoulders. I swear, he is more talkative than Christina…and that's _bad._ "The silent treatment huh?" he says. It's either he really wasn't paying attention this morning when I wasn't talking, or he was just ignoring it. "Ya…well two can play at that game Miss Tris!" he exclaims. I scoff. Yeah right. He isn't gonna last ten minutes. I roll my eyes at him. And I'm right. He only lasts for five minutes "Whatever," he states. I still haven't eaten any of my apple. Four is looking at me weirdly. I see everyone at the table eating their cake like it's the best thing in the world.

So I take that moment as a victory and when Uriah isn't looking, I reach over and steal his cake. I start to eat it. But I only get a couple of bites in before Uriah notices. "HEY!" he yells. "THAT WAS MY CA-," he starts to say, but I cut him off by putting my finger to his lips and take another bite in front of him. He starts whining like a little dog. I roll my eyes and give him an _"Are you serious?"_ look. It seems like this got the gang's attention, because they all start to laugh.

After knowing that I won't be giving the cake up any time soon, he starts making faces at me. I raise my eyebrows and take another bite of the cake. It is REALLY good cake. The best I've had in fact. It tastes like fluffy chocolateness. I keep watching Uriah make faces and eventually, they get so ridiculous that I have to smile. "YES! I GOT TRIS TO SMILE!" Uriah yells. And I guess he's right. He hasn't seen me smile. I haven't smiled at someone other than Tori, Four, or Christina. I haven't smiled in a while. And it feels good.

Obviously satisfied, he turns back and joins the conversation again. I take a couple of bites before I am really full and put the other half of the cake back on Uriah's plate. Pretty soon, he turns back and sees the cake. "Thanks Tris!" He says, then stuffs the whole rest of his cake in his mouth. "Mmmmm…" he says. I put the apple into my book bag and decide to save it for lunch tomorrow.

About five minutes later the bell rings again and I gather my stuff and start towards chemistry with Mrs. Matthews. So excited! Note the sarcasm.

**Once again, I will skip to free period. Remember that it is the last hour of her schedule.**

By the time the sixth bell has rung, I am tired and ready to go back home. Besides, it's free period, so no one will notice my absence. So I plan on going to Tori and asking her if I can walk home. So I scrawl out a quick note and start walking to the art room, hoping that's where she will be.

While I am walking there, I see Four. I forgot he has free period too. He's ahead of me so I start to jog up to him. Four must have heard my footsteps because he turns around, stops, and waits for me to catch up. "Hey Tris. Where are you going?" he asks me. I first point to the art building, then hand him the note. He reads it, gives it back to me and says, "That's a good idea. I'll probably ask the same thing." I nod my head in response and we continue walking.

Once we get there, I see Tori at the front of the room. I run up to her, and knowing that it's just Four there, I give her a quick hug. Then I hand her the note. She reads it then says, "Ok….I guess you can go home. You've completed all of your classes anyways. Why not?" She signs it then turns to Four. "You too Four?" she asks. He nods. "Ok, I will write you a note too."

When she gives him the note back he tells her thanks and we both walk out towards the parking lot. I am planning on just walking home. It's only about a mile. To me, it's not that far. So while Four starts walking to his car, I walk on the sidewalk. I hear him yell, "And where do you think you're going? Get back over here! You are not walking home!" I sigh and start walking to Four. I should've known he wasn't going to let that slide. Why'd I even try again?

I get to his car and slip in. I throw my stuff in the back again and he starts up the car. He starts driving and I rest my head on the window. I just now realized how tired I really am. Last night's events really caught up with me. I usually get at least four hours of sleep….not just two or three.

Before I know it, we are back in front of my house. I turn to Four and mouth _"Thanks." _ He smiles and says, "No problem. Anytime." I then lean forward and give him a hug. He wraps his arms around me also, and we sit there for a few minutes. Eventually, we pull back, but when we do, I feel cold. I shake off the feeling and flash Four another smile, then get out of the car. I grab my stuff from the back and walk up to my house. I turn once I am at the front door and wave at Four. He waves back.

I walk in, go to my room, check my hair dye, and am relieved to see that it is still fully in. Just a tiny bit faded, but you could only tell if you knew it wasn't my natural hair. Just like this morning. So I put on some shorts, a t-shirt, and climb into bed. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I am out like a light.

**GUYS! I FEEL SO BAD! I would've updated earlier today, but my internet was down and I could just now upload it. I'm SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY! I really have no other excuses than the Junior High girls basketball Tournament. And school. I can't believe I haven't updated since over 3 weeks ago! I hope this chapter makes up for a little bit of it. I hope to update sooner than I did this time. But I really have to go! I have science, math, and American History tests that I need to study for that will be over the next couple of days. And I have a piano recital that I need to work on! But before I go, I just wanna know…how old do you think I am? Just so you know…it is above 5th grade. 6th grade and up can be your guesses! I just am curious. But now my mom is yelling at me to get to bed…so BYE! **

**Oh- And if you're the guest kizzykat, I used your idea in this chapter! Thanks! And also a shout out to WishUponAFangirl! She gave me a great idea also! Thanks you two! Can my review goal be 80? I hope it isn't too much! Well my mom is in here now...she wants the computer. Bye! Thanks for all my favorites, followers, readers, and reviewers!:)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey everybody! Did you have a good Christmas/Hanukkah and New Years? I did! Hope you did too! And congratulations to everybody who guessed I was in 8****th**** grade! You were right! Everybody was fairly close! So good job to all of you! So…I won't keep you waiting. Here you go!**

** Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent, blah, blah, blah, I do not own the characters, blah, blah, blah, and all rights belong to Veronica Roth. Blah.**

** Chapter 13**

** Tris' POV **

I wake up to Tori gently shaking my shoulders. "Bea…it's time to get up. You've been sleeping for the past 2 hours," she says. Have I really been sleeping for _two_ hours? Huh. Well I was pretty tired I guess. "C'mon Bea, I have dinner ready. You have to eat at least a little bit of it. Ok?" she tells me. I know I have no room to argue, so I just nod. "Ok. Come down once you're ready," she says and walks out of my room.

I get out of bed and find that my legs feel like jello. I must have slept on them wrong. I sit down and stretch them out and then get back up. They feel normal once again.

I throw on a pair of sweats and slippers, but I keep the t-shirt on. I just feel like being lazy tonight. I go downstairs and see sandwiches sitting on plates, along with peaches and fruit salad. I sit down in front of one of the plates and look at Tori to figure out how much I have to eat before I can be excused. "Three bites of sandwich, four peach slices, and a couple of bites of fruit salad," she says without looking up from her food.

I start eating, but it is silent all the way through the meal. Usually Tori will ask me a bunch of questions. No, not usually…she _always_ asks me questions and tells me things that I probably don't even care about, but pretend to for her sake. Something must be bothering Tori.

When I am finished I look over at Tori. She is still looking down at her food. I frown and think about what possibly could've happened to make her so upset that she won't even talk to me. Or eat for that matter. Her food remains almost untouched, which is very odd for Tori. She almost always eats all of her food, then gets seconds, which she also eats.

I stop looking at her food and look at her face. Then I see a little silver droplet run down her cheek. And it wasn't the first. I know they are tears, but I don't know why she is crying. I haven't seen her cry since I was in the hospital.

I get up and squeeze Tori's shoulders lightly, trying to get her to talk to me. But once I do that, Tori drops her head into her hands and starts to sob. This takes me by surprise and I quickly move in front of her, drop to my knees, and hug Tori. She takes her head out of her hands and hugs me back still sobbing.

Seeing Tori so upset really upsets me too. I feel a tear slip out of my eye too and bite my lip to keep from sobbing. I don't know what made her so upset, but it takes a lot to make her cry.

A couple of minutes after I started crying too, Tori's sobs start to subside. I still have tears streaming down my face, but I have managed to keep my sobs inside. Tori sees this and gives me a small smile. She wipes her tears away with the backs of her hands. "Don't worry about me Bea. I'll be fine," she says. I raise my eyebrows at her, urging her to tell me what was going on.

She sighs and looks at me. "Do you want to know the truth?" Why would she even ask me that? Of course I want to know the truth! I nod. She takes a deep breath, then she starts. "Listen Bea. I am just worried about you. I knew that you would never be the same after the accident, but I never knew it would be this bad. Especially after a year, almost 2. I mean, I'm not saying it's bad, it's just upsetting for me sometimes. I know that I would probably act the same as you, maybe even worse if I was in your exact place. But I am just afraid that I will lose you. That I'll wake up someday and be alone. You're the only thing that I have left. I don't know what I would do if I lost you. I lost Natalie, Andrew, and Caleb. I almost lost you. _I almost lost the last thing that had any meaning in my life._ And that killed me. That's why I make you eat as much as I do, even if it's a stretch for you. I just don't want you to do anything that would make you leave me. I'm scared that you will someday. Especially since you've already tried." At this point Tori sucks in a sudden intake of breath and lets it out very slowly. I look down. I'm not proud of what I did that day. I wish I hadn't even started to try. Then Tori wouldn't feel like this right now. I shouldn't have tried to overdose. I'm pulled out of my thoughts when Tori continues.

"I guess my point is that I just don't want to lose you. If I did, well…I don't know what I would do. But it wouldn't be good. So Beatrice, please, please, _please, _don't leave me. Can you promise me that?" she asks. Out of all the promises that I have been asked to make, I think this promise is actually one I can keep. I _know_ this is a promise I can keep. I still feel guilty about making Tori feel like this though. I shouldn't have done any of that stuff. _Ever. _

So, with tears still steadily streaming down my face, I quickly nod and throw my arms around Tori. She mumbles, "Thank you Bea. Thank you."

* * *

After dinner, I washed the dishes, put everything away, and cleaned off the table. While I was doing that, Tori had gone upstairs and went to bed, who said and I quote, "Today made me really tired. I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight Bea." I, however, was not tired at all. My nap really got me most of my sleep back.

I still feel guilty for making Tori sob like that. I know I shouldn't because it happened about a year ago, but I still can't shake the feeling of guilt and sadness. A couple more tears stream down my face, much to my dismay.I angrily swipe at them and head to the hallway with the panel. This way I can get some peace and quiet and I can actually think.

Even if Four is in there, I know I can still think because he respects that. He's not like Uriah or Christina. He knows when I need to think and when I don't want to talk right then. The other two however, will talk whenever they feel the need. I'm not saying that's bad, but it just isn't the most, what's the word…._convenient_ sometimes.

By the time my thoughts are over, I am at the bottom door. I open it quietly in case Four is there. When it's opened I see that I am the only one down here…for now at least.

I make my way over to the bean bags and plop myself down on one. When I finally am comfortable, I start thinking again. Knowing that I am alone, I let all of my thoughts fly into my mind at once. It may not end up well, but I need to get some of these subjects out of my mind for a little while. It needs to be done sooner or later, so why not sooner?

The first subject that comes to mind is Hailey and Taylor. I don't usually let myself dwell on them, but after checking one more time to make sure that I wouldn't be interrupted, I decide to get them out of my system part way.

I can't believe I used to call them my "Besties". Looking back at it now just makes me hate myself even more. I should've went to go find some other friends when I knew that we all didn't have the same click between us as before. It would've saved some heartbreak in the end.

After the accident, I figured that I would at least have my "friends" to go to. I was wrong. When I finally decided to go to school, I should've known not to engage with anyone. No one had come over to see how I was doing, even though I knew that it had been all over the news, no one had called or texted me, even though I was one of the most popular girls in school at the time, and Hailey and Taylor didn't even try to come see me, even though we were all supposed to be "Besties". I should've known right then and there that something was wrong.

When I pulled myself together and went to school, the first thing that happened was silence. Everyone looked at me and all conversations drifted off until they no longer existed.

* * *

**_Flashback_**

_I hurriedly put my head down and hurry into school, searching for Hailey and Taylor. As I walk down the hallway, I get pitiful looks but I also get malicious ones. I hate both of those things so I start to run through the crowds, hoping now more than ever to find them. _

_I finally find them at the end of the hallway, next to another girl's locker. It didn't bother me at all that they were laughing and seeming to have more fun than what I've had with them in years._

_I go over and they all stop laughing and talking and just stare at me. After a couple of minutes of this, I start to feel uncomfortable and start to walk away. Suddenly, Hailey starts to snigger. "Where do you think you're going b****? Are you running away, AGAIN? Don't think we don't know what happened to you. You deserved it. You always were a stupid little w**** We never wanted you as a friend, now more than ever. We just felt bad for you," Hailey says. I feel tears sting my eyes and even feel one slip out. Whatever I was expecting, it definitely wasn't this. I blink several times, hoping that this is just a dream and that when I see Hailey and Taylor they'll embrace me and tell me everything is going to be alright. "What's wrong? Are you going to cry? Awww...that's too bad. Why don't you go and cry to your mommy? Oh wait! That's right! You don't have one," Taylor says. By now a laughing crowd has gathered._

_I look around and see only a few people who are looking like they want to help. But then they back away very slowly. I don't blame them. How do you help when practically the whole school is on the populars side, when one wrong move could end up with you being pushed around as well? _

_"Get away! We don't want you see your ugly face again! We never wanted you be your friends! We should've left you ASAP! I realize our mistake now! We should've kicked you to the dirt sooner! We don't want to be friends with a b**** and an attention-seeking w**** anymore!" Hailey and Taylor both say, adding on to it when the other stopped. By now it's a miracle that I have been holding in my sobs. _

_I start to push my way through the crowd. When I'm getting towards the end, someone leans in and whispers in my ear. "And just so you know, it was your fault that they died. You deserve it." I look up at the person who said it and surprise surprise, it was Eric. I know this comment shouldn't upset me, especially since it's from Eric, but I've dealt with so much lately that I start to release my sobs. He starts laughing maniacally. I run frantically now, trying to reach the end so I can get away from here._

_Once I get away from everyone, I run out the front door, not caring anymore about who sees me. I sprint all the way home, the sound of his laugh haunting me._

**_End of Flashback_**

* * *

That continued everyday. Except it got worse. People started to hit me, kick me, slap me, anything they could do that would hurt me. Eric was the worst though. He would get a crowd and then pull me by the hair and throw me against the wall. At least that's how it started every time. Then he did whatever he could do. I did resist for the first week or two. But I soon learned that it was useless to fight back and just let them hurt me. I deserved it anyways. Eric was right. It was my fault they died.

I let a few tears slip out. I subconsciously slip my fingers under my shirt and run them across the scar that Eric gave me a few years ago. Even after all that I've been through I still don't think I've received as much punishment as I should have. That's another reason why I cut. At least that's what I tell myself. The truth is...well I don't know. I just feel like I need to.

I start to think about how different it would be if my family was still alive. Especially Mom. I miss her so much. If she was alive, I wouldn't have gotten bullied, I might have been able to fix things between Hailey, Taylor, and I, I wouldn't have started cutting, I would still be Beatrice, and I would've stayed in Ohio. But I also wouldn't have met Four, Christina, Uriah, Shauna, Marlene, Zeke, or Will. I wish I could combine my two lives. That would be a perfect life. But of course the world doesn't work like that for me. I have to live with one life. And of course, it's the life that's GREAT! Note the sarcasm. Instead I have to live with the life where I have no more family because of me, got raped, and was beaten. Wonderful.

I let my tears run out of my eyes as I actually realize everything that has happened in such a short time span. First, I got raped. That was when I got my first scar. Then exactly a year later, my family all died. And it was my fault. There came some other scars. About a month after that was when I lost Hailey and Taylor. Everyday after that for about 6 months I was hit, kicked, cut, scratched, punched, thrown, etc. There were some more scars there. Then I started to cut. Countless scars there. I tried to overdose. There's some mental scars there. Well, mental scars for everything actually. Eric did most of it though. He was the one who raped me and gave me a big scar, both mentally and physically. He was was the first to say that it was my fault my family is dead. He was the one who beat me up most. He was there for everything. But in the worst way.

My thoughts suddenly screech to a stop as I remember something that I forgot about a year ago. On the last day of school, the year before I was going to take online school, he told me something. I don't know how he knew that I wasn't going to be at school the next year, but word got around apparently. As I was emptying my locker after school he came up to me. He took my hair and forced my head to lean back and he slammed my head against my locker door. I figured it was just gonna be his daily beating, but instead he whispered something in my ear. Just thinking about it makes my heart pound faster and makes the color drain from my face. He whispered something that I will never forget again. _"I will find you Bea. Even if you leave this town, I will find you and when I do, you better hope that God is on your side."_ I haven't thought about it until now, and I know that he was serious. That's what makes me so scared.

To this day I am still afraid of him. He did the worst things to me and I'm not about to forget them. He_ will _find me. I know he will. And just thinking about what he would do to me makes me start to tremble. my palms start to sweat and I start trying to convince myself that he wouldn't find me. I mean, I moved to a huge city. He didn't be able to find me in Chicago. But none of these thoughts help. In fact, they make it worse. I am shaking from head to toe, sweating, crying, and I know I'm pale. I probably look horrible. Even worse than I usually do, and that's saying something.

I hear thumping coming from Four's door and I hurriedly try to wipe my tears away. I grab a fist full of beanbag and try to stop my hands from shaking. It works for my hands but not the rest of my body. I tense up and it only helps a little. I close my eyes and will for the color to return to my face. It doesn't work. Not with my thoughts it doesn't. I stopped my older tests away, but new ones are still leaking out.

I don't know what's worse. Having Four see me in an emotional, frozen state like this, or having him see my angry rampage from last night. I honestly don't know. But what I do know is that he's going to see me in both of those ways because there is no way he's not going to see me like this. I can't stop it now. As I admit that I can't stop it the sentence starts to drift through my mind again. But only separate parts of it come.

_"I will find you."_

_"Even if you move to a different town, I will find you." _

I clutch my head as if I had a bad headache, willing for his voice to get out of my head.

_"When I do, you better hope that God is on your side."_

_"It's your fault they died."_

_"You deserve it."_

"Tris?" Wait, what? That wasn't in his sentence...Four! He's already down here! He must not have as many steps to get here as I do. Then his voice starts making its way into my head again.

_"You said you loved me. Now prove it."_

_"You can't take it back."_

_"Wanna get out of here?"_

I shut my eyes and try to listen for Four's voice again. His voice pushed out Eric's when he was talking. As I frantically listen for his voice, or anything really that could drown out Eric's, I hear him say something. "Tris, are you ok!?" Eric's voice is fading. And all I can think is, _"Please keep talking. Please keep talking."_ Lucky for me, he talks again. And this time I can actually understand what he's saying with Eric's voice fading. "Tris, are you ok?! Please answer me!?" Eric's voice is now completely gone. It's very faint anyways. I open my eyes to find him standing right in front of me, looking worried.

I stay still for a minute, trying to figure out how bad I now look. I look down and see myself trembling once again. I feel wet streaks on my face and can still feel tears dripping down my face. I know I have no color in my face because I couldn't help that even before Eric entered my head. So I finally come to the conclusion that I look terrible. Great.

I continue to look down even though I can feel Four's stare burning into my forehead. This goes on for another minute before he says something. "Tris...are you ok?" I am not ok at all, but not wanting to seem weak, AGAIN, I nod my head yes. He sighs. "No Tris. Don't lie to me." I still am looking down. I refuse to look at him. "Now, I'm going to ask you again, and this time, tell me the truth. I'm not going to judge you," he says. Oh but only if he knew my whole past. He would judge me then, just like everybody else. More tears start to leak out. They come faster and faster and I bite my lip to keep from sobbing.

He waits for about 15 seconds, then just like he said he would, he asks me, "Tris, are you ok?" I'm surprised by the gentleness in his voice. I've heard him like this before, but somehow it seems like he is even more gentle than before. I take a minute to think about whether or not to tell him the truth. He already knows that I'm not ok. Anybody could see that I'm not okay just by looking at me. I don't want him to not trust me to give him honest answers, so for more, I'm trusting that he won't judge me and I decide to tell him.

But before I could even start to shake my head, I start to sob so loud I bet even China could hear it. I look up at Four and shake my head. He starts to lean in, but I surprise myself by being the first one to embrace the other. I think it surprised him too, because it takes him a second to hug back. I bury my head in his chest and wrap my arms around his neck. I am still shaking my head for some reason. It's like I can't stop. He starts to run his fingers through my my hair which takes me by surprise, but it is really comforting so I let him keep doing it. It's been a years since someone ever did this. When I was little my mom would always do it when she sang to me before bed. But when I got older, she only did it when I was sobbing my eyes out, like this. These memories just make me sob even harder.

Four most think he's doing something wrong because he stops. I immediately miss the comfort it brought, so when his hand starts to drop I catch it and bring it back to my hair. I can feel him lightly chuckle as he realizes that he wasn't doing anything wrong. I would be embarrassed being belief by doing this if I wasn't sobbing like an animal right now. I'll worry about the embarrassment later. He starts doing it again and I relax some more and try to focus on getting my sobs to stop.

After a few minutes my sobs subside and only a faint sniffling can be heard in its place. He still is running his fingers through my hair and has one arm wrapped around the small of my back. I can also feel his chin resting on the top of my head. This is all really comforting in a strange way. Once again, I feel like nothing can hurt me. I feel like as long as Four is with me, not even Eric would be able to get to me. It's the feeling I always have when I'm in his arms. And it feels good for a change.

Oh, Eric. I almost forgot about him. I feel tears in my eyes again and I suck in a shaky breath, not wanting to start crying again. "Hey, hey. Shhh. It's ok. It's ok. I've got you. You're ok," I hear Four say. This calms me immensely and I once again go back to normal breathing and periodic sniffling.

After a while, he releases me and only keeps his hand in my hair. I release him also and look up at him. He just died at me and says, "I knew you weren't okay! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" while pumping his free hand in the air as a fist, like he won something really big, like an award. I just lightly chuckle and roll my eyes in return. He has a way of making you cheer up quickly when it's needed. He laughs and puts his hand down and his face turns serious again. I catch myself wondering how he can make his facial expressions change so fast. He cups the side of my face with his free hand and asks me, "But seriously Tris...are you ok? I worry about you, ya know."

I'm pretty sure I'm ok now. I mean, right now I am. I can't believe that only about 20 minutes ago I was alone, probably going crazy with my thoughts, and crying my eyes out. Now, I'm here with Four, laughing and smiling, and feeling safe and secure. Rarely ever do I feel like this. I know I like Four...and now I'm not afraid to admit it to myself. He is honest, kind, selfless, caring, handsome, brave, makes me feel safe, is always there when you need him, knows how to make you smile, knows when to talk and when to just stay silent, and many other things. And I've only known him for a couple of days! I can't even begin to imagine what other things he is. He's perfect, unlike me. I know that he would never like me back, he's too good for me. But I hope he'll always be a friend.

Wait-did Four just say he worries about me? Why would he worry? It's not like he cares about me _that_ much. I mean, after all, he's only known me for a few days. But to me, it seems like I've known him for years. I can do things with him so easily, without giving it a second thought. But I have no idea what I am to Four. Am I like a little sister to him? Or am I just a friend? Or am I just the new girl at school that he's trying to be nice to? Or am I simply just the girl next door? Or...or maybe...could he possibly...like me back? No. He couldn't possibly...could he? No! Stop thinking that Beatrice! He won't like you back! Don't get your hopes up!

"Umm...Tris? You ok there?" I hear Four say. It immediately snaps me out of my thoughts. I realize that I've been starting into his deep blue eyes for way longer than is socially acceptable. I can feel my cheeks burn and know that I am blushing a deep crimson color. I try to look down, but am immediately pulled back up by his hand. "Tris, it's okay. I know you were lost in your thoughts. You don't have to be embarrassed." Well he's right about one thing. I was lost in my thoughts. But what he doesn't know is that my thoughts were about him. And I will continue to let him think that my thoughts were about whatever he thinks. Hopefully he doesn't know that my thoughts were about him. So I nod my head. But when I did, I swear I saw just a little flash of something like disappointment in his eyes. But I could have been mistaken. Maybe I just like him so much that my eyes are paying tricks on me and giving me signs that he likes me too? Not likely. But I'll just go with that theory for now.

"So for about the 5th time now, are you sure that you're ok?" Four asks. He is smiling now and has a little mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Wondering what he could possibly have in mind, I narrow my eyes at him with a little smile and slowly nod my head yes. He just laughs and says, "Great! Now we can have some fun!" I laugh too and wait for him to tell me what he wants to do. He smirks and says, "Close your eyes. It's a surprise." Getting suspicious now I don't close my eyes right away. He groans. "Just close them Tris!" So I do.

Quickly, I feel his fingers race to my side as he starts to tickle me. Unfortunately, I am very ticklish so I immediately start laughing. I snap my eyes open and see him laughing along. After about a minute, I scramble upright and start to run to the opposite end of the room. But he is much faster than me and I know this won't last long. Sure enough, he catches me and wraps his arms around me from behind and starts to tickle my stomach. I collapse to the floor in laughter. He keeps this up until I can finally get up again and start to run again. He catches me quicker than last time, in the same position. But instead of tickling me again, he just turns me around and lets me catch my breath.

Once I have caught my breath he smiles at me and says, "Now that was fun, don't you think?" I glare at him but can't keep back the smile trying to make its way onto my face. He laughs and says, "I thought so. Come here." He steps forward and hugs me again. I wrap my arms around his neck. Iplace my head on his chest but after a little bit, I bring his head down. Deciding to be brave, I give him a quick kiss on the cheek and put my head back on its place on his chest. In return I can feel him smile and plant a kiss on the top of my head. It feels like there are little sparks where he kissed me that are slowly spreading throughout my whole body. I feel warm and happy. Two things I haven't felt at the same time, for a long time. I smile and bury my head in his chest. He just chuckes and holds me tighter.

A few minutes later we both release each other at the exact same time. I blush lightly and we both chuckle. "I better get to bed. I have no idea what time it is, but it's most likely been an hour or two. And I have no clue how long you've been down here since you were here before me. So ya..." he trails off. "Thanks for the kiss by the way," he adds on. I can feel myself blush. Man, I'm blushing a lot! He laughs. "I just wanted to get you to blush. You look so cute when you blush!" he says, obviously teasing me. I'm not cute when I blush. I'm not cute at all, period.

I roll my eyes and shake my head. He just frowns and says, "Tris don't be so hard on yourself. You are cute, whether you believe it or not." Does he really think that I'm cute? He's sadly mistaken. I look into his eyes, searching for a sign that will prove that he's just joking, but I can't find any. So I just shrug. He sighs and shake his head. "Tris. I don't know how you think about yourself, but it's not right. You are beautiful no matter what you or anybody else says. Ok?"

His speech takes me by surprise. He really, truly, believes that I'm cute. He said that I was beautiful. I'm not beautiful. I wouldn't go that far. I wouldn't even go as far as cute. I've been told that I was ugly many times, by many different people. So I know it's not true. But I'll let him believe what he wants. I nod, just so this conversation won't keep going. It's not that I mind being told I'm cute or beautiful, in fact, it's kind of nice meeting told that. Especially by Four. It's just that I know it's not true. So I'd rather be told I'm cute and beautiful and leave the conversation before he can say he was just joking. Although I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't do that.

I look up at him again and I can tell that he knows that I don't believe him. But luckily he decides not to push the subject. Instead I see him leaning in. Wait-what? Why is he leaning in? Oh my gosh. Is he going to kiss me?! No! Surely not! So then, what is he going?

He keeps leaving in, and although I'm sure it only took a few seconds, it felt like it was in slow motion. He keeps leaning in and he finally is at my face. I widen my eyes and wait for probably a millisecond, but what feels like years, and feel him kiss my forehead. My eyes go back to normal and my shoulders relax once again. I didn't even know that they were tensed up until now. No matter how much I like Four, I don't think I am ready to kiss him after just a couple days of knowing him. Even though he's a great guy. Plus, I just was thinking about Eric a LOT earlier and I don't know if a kiss would've stirred up any flashbacks or not. So it's probably a good thing he didn't kiss me. I think?

He snaps me out of my thoughts. "Goodnight Tris. Sweet dreams." He smiles at me one last time before going over to his door and starting to go back up to his house. He left it open so I go and shut it, then I go over to my own door and walk upstairs. I am smiling all the way up, thinking about what all happened tonight. Four kissed me on the top of my head and on my forehead! Once I get up to the top I stop smiling and listen outside the door in case Tori's there. But after a few minutes of silence I conclude that she probably went to bed. I open up the panel and go up to my room.

I take a shower, put some more dye in, and go climb into bed. I drift off to sleep a few minutes later. And I may not have had actual 'sweet dreams', but I didn't have a single nightmare all night. And by now, not having a nightmare is like a dream, so to me, I did have sweet dreams. All night long. Well, for most of the night anyways.

** Hey guys! I'm sorry I haven't updated until now. I spent all evening and night working on this chapter! I've been typing it all up in my kindle, so it took longer than it would have with an actual computer and keyboard. This chapter is one of my longest ones so I hope it makes up for my absence! It's 2:00am now and I am going to this youth conference thing in Grand Island tomorrow and Sunday. And from where I live, it's about 4 hours away. So you should feel special! I'm updating when I should be sleeping!;) But thank you so much for the 82 reviews! You have no idea how much that means to me! It motivates me when I have new followers, favorite, and reviews! So please keep them coming! Can I ask for 90 reviews before next chapter? I'll try to update as soon as I can, but school is starting back up in 3 days, so I don't know how much time I'll have. But I will type whenever I can!:) Until next time, BYE!:)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey everybody! Did you miss me? I know I missed you! I feel so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry. I literally have about 10 birthdays in January that I need to remember. And 5 of them are within the time span of 3 days! So my grandpa's birthday is first, then a couple of weeks after comes my brother's, then on the same day is a family friend, my best friend, and another friend. Then my dad's birthday is the day after along with the family friends' son. Then my uncle's birthday comes. Then another one of my best friend's birthday comes in the last week of January. Or somewhere around there at least. Does anyone else have a month like this? Or is it just my family…:/ I have been unbelievably busy. And if you noticed, I changed the summary up a bit. I didn't write it exactly how I had it planned out. I just wrote as I went, and I figured that I better change the summary to something more fitting. Is it any better? Please tell me!**

**Disclaimer: Is Veronica Roth 13? Does anyone know? Oh! You're giving me an answer!...no? Ya. I didn't think so. So therefore, I do not own Divergent.**

**Four/Tobias' POV**

As I head upstairs, I think about what I almost just did. I almost kissed Tris! I can't believe I did that! I probably screwed our whole friendship up. Great going Tobias. I saw the way she tensed up before I did. Luckily I snapped to my senses and just kissed her on the forehead. I saw her relax after that. I knew she didn't like me back, so why did I try to kiss her? I am so stupid! I can just hope that I didn't completely screw up our friendship.

I let my thoughts wander over to earlier tonight. When I first went down to the dugout, I didn't expect anyone to be there, and apparently, neither did Tris. She looked…I hate to say it, but she looked vulnerable. I've never seen her like that before. She was pale, shaking, crying, and she looked like she was having a mental breakdown. She only snapped out of it when I kept talking to her. The first time I asked her if she was ok, she stopped for a moment, but then snapped right back into it. After a couple more tries, she finally took her shaking hands off of her head, and looked at me. Well, for a split second anyways. Was my voice the thing that snapped her awake? I like to think that it was.

I don't know what caused whatever that was to happen, but I don't like to think about it. When Tori said she's had a rough couple of years, is this what she meant? Or did she mean what caused that? I don't know. But I hope she is ok. I worry about her. When she started sobbing, I was surprised when she embraced me first. And when she put my hand back on her hair. I chuckle at the thought of that. She never would have done that if she was thinking straight.

I don't pity Tris. Not one bit. She is strong, and she doesn't need anyone to keep her strong. Although I would like to help her go through whatever it is she's scared of, I know it's up to Tris to make a decision like that.

I also think about when I told Tris she was cute. It saddens me to think that she doesn't think good thoughts about herself. She's beautiful, on the inside and out, and I can't believe she doesn't see that. She is unique, beautiful, strong, brave, independent, and so many other things. I wish she could see that. I know she doesn't believe me.I saw it in her eyes. But maybe one day she will see her for what she truly is. Maybe.

I finally reach my room and look out my window, secretly hoping to see a glance at Tris, but all I see are her closed drapes. I turn around and get dressed in my pajamas and hop into bed. I fall asleep, thinking about Tris.

* * *

_I wait outside my house after school. I'm 13 years old and today I got into a fight with some kid. He made fun of my mom, which isn't even here anymore. So I went over and told him never to say that again, but he didn't listen. He made the first move. I never would've purposely started a fight; I don't want to be like Marcus. He was the first to punch me, and then I just used self-defense and went from there. Luckily, some teacher saw the whole thing and made sure I wouldn't get in trouble. By school rules, they still had to call Marcus. They said they called him and made sure to tell him that it wasn't my fault and that I was just doing self-defense, but I know it won't be good when I walk through the door._

_ I finally just suck in a breath and force my legs to walk. I walk through the door and close it behind me, putting my book bag and shoes by the entryway during the process. I make sure to stand up straight, knowing it will be worse if I don't use correct posture. "TOBIAS! GET OVER HERE!" I finally hear Marcus say. I feel a rush of adrenaline run through me and I walk to the living room, where he is most likely going to be at._

_ I go into the living room, bracing myself for the worst. I see him smiling devilishly at me. It sends chills running down my spine. "Now son, how was school today? Did you do anything…exciting?" he asks me. For a second, I believe that they forgot to call him. So I make a bad mistake. I lie. "No sir. Nothing happened," I say. His eyes enlarge, filled with fury and hate. He jumps up from his seat, and just the look on his face makes me step back out of fear._

_ "HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME! I KNOW ABOUT THE FIGHT! THE SCHOOL CALLED ME! YOU WILL NOT LIE TO ME!" Marcus yells. "Get on your knees son. It's time you learned a lesson." I know I can't fight him. It would just be worse in the end. So I get on my knees and slip off my shirt. It's quick and only takes a couple of seconds. It's been routine for almost 7 years. I grit my teeth and brace myself for what's about to come. _

_ I hear the sickening sound of the belt as it slides out of Marcus' belt. "This is for your own good," he says. I close my eyes and try not to yell when the first strike comes down on my back. It keeps coming down and I keep track. 12, 13, 14, 15-. I was suddenly brought out of my thoughts when I feel an incredible pain coming from my back. It hurt more than any of the leather strikes. Then I realize that he used the belt buckle. He must not have been satisfied without hearing me make any noise. I hear him laugh. "Get out of my sight you filthy, disappointing boy," he says, but not before slapping me one more time with me belt buckle. He laughs again as I try to get up without staining the carpet. "GO!" he yells. I am scared, so I scramble up forgetting about the carpet. _

_ Apparently, I got a couple of drips of blood on the carpet, because he yells again. "GET BACK DOWN! Apparently you didn't learn your lesson the first time." I fall to my knees and listen, feel, and yell after each hit. Each one hitting one of the last ones. He hits me until I see black spots taking over my vision, and pass out from the pain._

* * *

I wake up yelling, sweating, and panicking, looking around the room. I haven't had a Marcus about him for a while now, well, for at least a few nights anyways. That day was one of the worst ones for me. He's only beat me unconscious a handful of times. But that time was when he first used the belt buckle. That was the most painful of them all.

Marcus started beating me when I was 7. When mom died, he went out of his mind and started to hit me to relieve some of his pain. He would also drink. Most of the time, he would beat me unconscious the times he was drunk. I don't call Marcus 'dad', because no real father would abuse his kid. Never.

I haven't told anyone that I was abused. I don't see a need to. Marcus is gone now anyways. Or, at least he's been gone the longest than I've ever seen him gone. I assume that he went away. I woke up one morning and saw a whole bunch of money on the counter. At least $3,000. I was shocked until I read the note.

_"Dear you little piece of filth, _

_I am going to be gone for a while. I am going on a long trip and hopefully to never see you again. I'll pay the money for the house, since it's required, but the rest of the money is for food, water, and school things. And whatever else you could possibly need. If you run out of money, I will have to come back and teach you another lesson. Please do me a favor and do not make me see your ugly self again. _

_ Sincerely,_

_Marcus._

That was about 2 months ago. I still have a bunch of money left. Thank goodness. At least he has to pay the house bills. I don't care where he went, as long as it was far away from here.

I finally calm down and look out the window. To my surprise, Tris is looking out the window, looking concerned. Did she hear me yell? I hope not. But with my luck, she probably saw and heard everything. I hope my yelling in my sleep wasn't a dead giveaway to my past. If she did hear everything, at least I know that she wouldn't interrogate me.

That's another great thing about Tris. She knows when you need support and when to back off. She knows how to comfort you. She knows not to give you pity. She knows not to ask a lot of questions. She can be concerned and ask questions in her head, but knows not to interrogate people about their tragedies. I hate to think this, but I imagine that she learned all of these things from her own past.

I look up again and see her, still with a confused/concerned look on her face. She holds up one finger, signaling to wait a minute. It wasn't even a minute before she came back with a notepad saying,_ "You ok?"_ I smile and reach under my bed to grab my notepad. I write, _"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"_ I know it's a long shot, but hopefully she didn't see all of…that. But in case she didn't, this is only way to ask without saying it straight out.

I focus on Tris again and see both her eyebrows raised, her head tilted down, and her blue-gray eyes staring back at me. This expression just stares at me like, "Really?" I sigh. So she did see it all. It was worth a shot. Sighing again, write down, _"I'm fine now. I promise."_ Tris narrows her eyes at me and sets her notepad down. I throw my head back and groan. Why won't she believe me? I look back only to see her laughing. I guess she was just seeing how I would react. I probably looked like a little kid. I probably looked pretty funny, considering I am 17. I start to laugh too.

When we're both done laughing, her face turns serious again. She mouths to me, _"Ok. But seriously. Are you ok?"_ I've noticed that Tris has been mouthing a lot more lately. She put her notepad down earlier, so I do the same. I take a deep breath and sigh. I really am ok. It's just hard for me to keep having nightmares about him and tell myself that he's gone, and that he won't hurt me anymore. So basically, I'm ok physically, but mentally is a different she doesn't have to know that. So I give her a smile, nod my head, and mouth, _"Yes. I am. I swear."_

She nods and smiles, and I know that she believes me. For the most part anyways. _"Are you going to go back to sleep?"_ she asks. I know that she is actually asking if I will be able to go back to sleep. I honestly don't know though. I don't know if I will be able to sleep again. I check the time and it says 5:30 am. I don't know if I'll go to sleep. But for Tris' sake, I'll tell her I will just so she can get some more sleep. Her purple bags under her eyes scare me. I mouth, _"Ya. I will try."_ So I wasn't completely lying. I might try, but I know I won't be able to sleep.

_"Really?"_ she mouths back, with a shocked and impressed look on her face. Why is she shocked? Or impressed? I make a questioning face at her and mouth, _"What?"_ She sits there for a minute, then after a while reaches down for her notepad and starts to write something down. When she's done I read it. It says, _"I can never fall back asleep once I have a nightmare. You're really lucky."_

I am? I'm lucky? Maybe I am…I figured everyone could go back to sleep after a nightmare. I guess not Tris. Maybe that's why she's down at the dugout most nights. Because she knows she can't fall back asleep. Wait. But she fell asleep last night after she had had a nightmare! Maybe it's because she had that rampage and was just mentally and physically exhausted after it and her body forced her to sleep. I doubt it though. So I decide to ask her.

I grab my pad and write, _"But you fell asleep last night after a nightmare. How come?"_ She stares at it for a second, then looks down, like she is embarrassed. It is then that I see the slight pinkish tint on her cheeks. I know she will answer me; she hasn't NOT replied back to me yet. A couple of minutes later, she writes back _"I'm not exactly sure, but I have a pretty good idea of why."_ What does she mean? Why? Why didn't she tell me why?

I stare at her noticing that she still hasn't lifted her eyes up and looked at me all this time. I write down, _"What do you mean, you have a pretty good idea of why? Can you tell me?"_ I made sure to write down the last question, that way she knows she's not going to be pressured into telling me. I hope she does tell me though.

I hold it up and wait for her to look. A few seconds later, she sees it and I see her cheeks turn a little bit pinker. I smile a little because she looks cute when she blushes. She bites her lip and has her eyebrows furrowed, but after a few minutes she must decide to tell me because she starts to write something down again. When she is done it reads, _"Like I said, I can't be completely sure, but I think it was because you helped me last night. You helped me get through my little anger rampage and actually calmed me down. Plus, no one has hugged me for a while, minus Tori, and I think that also played a part in being able to sleep."_ Wow. I wasn't expecting that. She meant that it was me who helped her fall asleep last night? Because I calmed her down and hugged her? Isn't that what anybody else would do for her? Apparently not. I feel warm and bubbly after seeing her admit to that, but I know that it was probably hard for her to tell me that. So when she lifts her eyes to meet mine, I smile at her. She smiles back, still with a slight blush. Then her blush fades away and we just sit there.

After about a minute she breaks the eye contact and looks down again at her notepad. I realize that what she just told me is the most she's ever written or mouthed to me. The most she's ever admitted to me. And I smile a little bit bigger with this realization. She must notice it too because her eyes widen a bit, then go back to normal, and I see her smile at it. She must not be too bothered by it. Good. That's what I was hoping for.

Maybe she'll start talking soon. Maybe I'll be the first she talks to. Maybe. I can hope. Although I'm kind of happy that Tori and I are the only ones who really understand her right away, I would like to talk with her. For real. But I will wait for however long it takes her.

**I am so so so so so sorry for the short chapter. I might be able to update soon now that my schedule is not going to be as busy. But I literally had 10 kids/adults and 2 babies over for the Superbowl last night. So if you understand...thank you so very much. Sorry again. I would type some more, but I sort of don't know how to continue this chapter if you know what I mean. Also...my little brother is nagging me to go and play with him. And I still have to eat breakfast. And you would think that I wouldn't have any chores to do since we just cleaned up for a day and a half for the Superbowl gathering...but NO. I still have dishes to wash and put away. I also have laundry. Whoopie. -_- AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! Have I seriously gotten this far? I didn't expect to have 20 reviews for the whole fanfic. Thank you very much! And you don't know how much happier I am during the school day when I open my email in the morning and find new favorites, followers, and reviews. So I know that this goal is really short. But I want to shoot for 100. If we get there, I will have a smile on my face for weeks. If we get to 105, then you guys can kind of choose what the next chapter will be about. So when you review, tell me your choice out of the three that I am about to give you. I'll try to set up a poll when and if we reach the goal!;) Your choices are Fourtris fluff, drama, or I can time skip a little bit, and throw in a big plot twist within the next couple chapters. And if you want to see more than one thing happen, I'll let you choose 2 on the poll. So until next time...which I promise won't be another month away...see ya! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey guys! Sorry its been a while. It's getting close to the end of the year...so you know what that means. Tests, tests, and more tests. So I've been typing on Fanfiction instead of Word so I can type more often. So sorry if it's more crappy than normal.:( But hopefully the chapter is good! AND THANK YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH FOR THE 116 REVIEWS! I'M SO HAPPY! I CRIED!:) Thank you so much for sticking with me! I feel so accomplished and my spirits raise every time I get reviews! So thank you again! Here is Chapter 15 for you!**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Divergent. But, I don't. That's probably good...VR did good. As much as I hate to admit it.;)**

**Chapter 15**

**Tris' POV**

**(3 weeks later...1 week before the anniversary of her family's death.)**

3 weeks have gone by. It's about the same routine every day now. Get up. Eat however much breakfast Tori tells me too. Get a ride to school, either with Four or Tori. Go to my classes. Eat lunch with everyone.

Now there's where the problem is. Not forcing myself to take a bite of my food whenever someone looks at me, but it's just sitting with them period. I hate to admit it…they have really grown on me. Especially Christina. And Four, of course. I should be happy that I've made some friends after what happened with Hailey and Taylor. But I just feel like I don't deserve people as great as them. Plus, I just am scared that one day I might open up to them all and they'll laugh at me or tell my secrets to the whole school. I mean, with Hailey and Taylor it wasn't as bad then because we hadn't really been talking all that much before the accident happened. I mean, don't get me wrong, it still hurt…a LOT…but I think it would hurt worse if that happened now. I really like these guys, but I'm afraid to show it.

I've engaged in their conversations a little…and by engaging I mean a little smile every now and then and nods. I can tell that they have all been friends for quite a while. At least 3 years, give or take a few of them. But I admire them for it. You always hear about how high school rips friends apart and new groups form. That happened for me. It's nice to see a group that can stick by each other through it all. Now…back to the schedule.

Get through afternoon classes. Get a ride home from Tori or Four…once again. Do whatever homework I have and do dishes for Tori from the night before. Go up to my room and maybe talk with Four a little. By notepads and mouthing. Go downstairs for supper with Tori and eat as much as she makes me. Answer any questions she may have about school. Go back upstairs to my room and shower. Cut a few times. Then get dressed into a t-shirt and shorts or a sweatshirt with sweatpants. Wait until Tori goes to sleep then go downstairs through the secret hallway passage.

Now that is the only part of the day when I have no clue what will happen. Four could be there, he could not be there. Most days he is, but I never can predict when he'll be there.

Most days he's there. I'll give him credit. He can make me smile within the first minute or so of seeing him. Even if I had had the worst day known to mankind, coming back home and knowing that I would be able to see him would make the day all worthwhile. I don't like to admit it…but I really like Four. His personality is amazing and the way he can make anyone smile is anything but a sight for sore eyes.

It scares me. Me liking him. It's like my brain does the opposite of anything I tell it to do when I'm around him. Don't smile. Smile. Walk away. Take a few steps forward. Don't go downstairs tonight. Five minutes later I'm downstairs laying on top of a beanbag chair. I know that it shouldn't scare me. But it doesn't stop my insecurities from popping up.

Also, lately I've been tempted to actually use my voice to communicate. Not head nods or shakes. I don't know exactly why I've even thought about talking, but I have a feeling it's because I actually have a reason to now. I stopped talking because my family died and no one liked my anymore. I mean, at one point I thought that there was nothing left for me to live for. And that's where the overdose takes place. But I'd rather not think about that. But now I have friends. I realize that I do have someone that loves me. Tori. The only enemies I have are the 3 kids that were in a group when I punched that guy. Peter. But he's a jerk anyways. So I've really been considering my options. I certainly wouldn't lose anything. I've kind of been forgetting what my voice sounds like. I haven't had a reason to care about it until now.

You're probably wondering where I am now. Ok, so right now I'm home. In my bedroom. Waiting for Tori to fall asleep. Ya, ya. I'm going downstairs here pretty soon. She should be asleep within the next ten minutes. I know it's useless to try to tell myself to stay here tonight, so I just wait like this every night. Staring at the ceiling and thinking.

But I've been doing anything but thinking the past few nights. Pacing, fidgeting, making sure my dye is absolutely perfect, etc. It's only a week until September 28. I'll be turning 17. But my family's death anniversary will be turning one year older too. It should be one of the happiest days of the year for me, and yet I know that I will spend the day moping around, maybe not even moving. Just staring at the ceiling and praying for the day to be over. But I'm going to try to stop thinking about it now.

I guess another thing I forget to mention is that Tori got me a phone. It's not incredibly fancy, but then again, I don't want it to be. Plain and simple. Just the way I like to keep things in my life. I text everyone periodically. I don't text Four that often because we live right next door to each other. We really only text if I need a ride home after school or something like that. Which I guess is pretty often, but he'll usually ask me if I need a ride after school for the next day anyways, which means that we already have the plan figured out for the day ahead of us without having to text. It's nice in a way. I like that I don't have to depend on my phone for all communication.

I look over at the clock and see that it has been 15 minutes. I walk over to my door and crack it open, looking for Tori. I don't see her. I look over at her bedroom door and see that it's closed. I sneak down the stairs and go into the hallway, feeling for the latch. I feel it and grab it, sliding the door quickly but quietly open. I go inside and make sure to close it before I start walking down the stairs.

Once I get to the bottom, I open the door to see that Four is already there. "Hey," he says. I give him a little smile in return. I walk over to the beanbag beside him and flop down on it. I close my eyes for a second and sigh in contentment, then open them again. I look over at him and see him smiling a little at me. I give him an expression that says, "What?" He just chuckles a little and straightens his head out again. "Nothing. You just look like this is the only part of the day today that is relaxing for you. That's all. It looked kind of cute," he says. _It looked kind of cute? What is that supposed to mean?_ Instead of asking him about it, I smile and close my eyes again.I keep my eyes shut for about another minute or so. Then I open them again. I see him looking relaxed as well, leaning into the other beanbag chair. "Can I ask you a question Tris?" His voice rings through the air. I start to get a little bit worried about what he might ask me. About my past? I sure hope not. I'm sure not ready to face those memories in something other than my nightmares. But then all my fears fade into the back of my mind as I see his deep blue eyes staring right into mine. I nod a little, giving confirmation. "Promise you won't be offended?" I nod again, knowing that if it does offend me, it won't be because he meant it to. He gives a small little nod and takes in a breath before he asks.

"Why do you decide not to talk," he finally asks. I wasn't expecting that. Ok, maybe I was, but I certainly wasn't expecting him to ask that now. I sigh and break our eye contact, laying my head back down, staring at the ceiling. I didn't do it because I was annoyed or upset that he asked that. I did it because I honestly don't know the real reason I stopped. I mean, I know I did it after my family died, but I don't know what possessed me to do it. I hear his voice again, breaking through my thoughts. "Hey, you ok?" I feel him place one of his hands over mine.

I instantly feel guilt run through my veins. I want to give him an answer. I really do. But I don't know how to. I want to talk to him, I want to tell him the truth. The problem is, I don't know what the truth is. I really, really, want to talk to him right now. But I don't know how. What would I say? I hear him again. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business anyways." He starts to move his hand away, but before I can feel even guiltier, I grab his hand to stop him and smile. He looks a little confused but doesn't pull away. I squeeze his hand lightly and look down. I drop it and hold up a finger. _"Wait a minute,"_ is what I'm trying to tell him.

He must get the message because he leans back into his chair again and places his hand back over mine. The gesture means a lot to me and I just hope that I can be able to think. Why don't I talk? I haven't really thought about that topic much. When I decided not to talk, it was more of a spur of the moment thing that would affect me for years to come. Or at least, I thought so at the time. So let me think about this.

I first stopped talking after Tori and the doctor took turns trying to tell me that it hadn't been a horrible nightmare. That my family really did die. That I was the only survivor of that wreck. Something took over my brain at that moment. I'm pretty sure it was shock. But that wasn't when I decided to stop talking.

I was in shock and depression for the next few weeks. I went to school, planning to talk to Hailey and Taylor. Until they told me what they really thought of me for all those years. My brain stopped processing things then. That was when I officially fell into depression and so badly tried to get rid of Beatrice. And then it hits me.

_ I didn't ever decide to stop talking. I stopped talking because there wasn't a reason for me to._

My eyes snap open. Ok. So now that I have the answer it's time to contemplate whether or not to speak for the first time in almost 2 years. 53 weeks to be exact. Do I want to? Of course I do. Is it worth it? Of course it is. What will he think? I don't know, but it's worth the risk. Am I sure about this? Of course. My brain answered me before I could logically think it over. I'm going to do it. I'm going to talk to him. And the thing is, I don't mind. I feel his hand on top of mine still and look to that for my motivation.

I take a deep breath. He looks over at me, probably not expecting me to talk, or expecting an answer. I have his attention. It's now or never. I meet his eyes and say calmly the phrase in my head I thought of before. "I didn't ever decide to stop talking. I stopped talking because there wasn't a reason for me to."

His jaw drops. I hold eye contact for a few more seconds before I start to think that this was a stupid idea. I mean, c'mon Tris! Why would you talk!? You didn't know what he'd think! You are so _stupid!_Since when was this a good idea!? Apparently since a couple of minutes ago. But I'm not so sure anymore. I know Zeke is his best friend. Will he tell anyone? Will he do anything about…this?

Oh, no. What about Tori? Does he assume that I already talked to her and ends up mentioning it to her? I mean, don't get me wrong, but I didn't plan on talking to Tori yet. Actually, I didn't plan on talking at all. Do I tell her?

I look at Four again and see his jaw moving back into its place. It seems like his original shock is over. Now I have time to worry. Should I ever talk again? If I do, will he be as shocked again and have his jaw fall open..._again?_ I'm scared. Not of him, but of what this could essentially mean for me. Will it turn into my old school? My past? Can my past really become my future because of one little thing I did? Now I'm nervous and scared. A great combination. Note the sarcasm.

Finally Four gets himself together. "You-you didn't have to do that Tris. I-I understand that," he says. I take a deep breath. "I know. But I needed to." I made that decision to reply faster than any other decision I've made. I don't have time to dwell on whether or not it's still a good idea because he is replying. "Why? Why did you need to do it?" I say, "I don't know. I just felt like you deserved it. You've done so much for me over the past couple of days." He sighs and slightly shakes his head. "You didn't have to do it because you thought I deserved it. You know that right?" I nod my head. "I know. Is this okay though? Me talking? Or does this just freak you out?" He smiles. "I can't believe you think this freaked me out. This is…this is…great. I feel great. Thanks for talking to me. I really feel honored," he says and winks at me. I smile and lean over. I grab his waist and pull him to me.

It barely takes him a second to hug me back. Honestly, I am really glad I talked to him now. I don't regret it. I am just thankful that he knows now and didn't dwell on questions for too long. He understands me. All the nervousness and fear fades away and I just focus on his arms around me. "Have you talked to Tori yet?" Of course. How could I forget about Tori within a minute of my thoughts? "No," I reply. "But I will." "Ok," he says. We sit there for a little bit longer before he releases me.

"Hey…can you do me a favor and not tell anyone about this yet?" I ask. "Sure. I wouldn't have anyways without your permission. Just so you know," he replies. It feels really great talking again. It's something I've been holding back for a couple of years and talking to Four again doesn't bother me. I actually happy for once. Happy with a decision I made while taking a risk. It's the best risk I've taken in a long time. It turned out good. "Thanks," I say. "That's nice to know." I feel him smile a little bit.

"While we are in the question and answer mood, would you mind me asking you another question?" Four asks me. "Sure," I say. "I know this kind of sounds like a funny question, but what color is your natural hair?" Oh. Ya. How did he guess that I didn't have black hair? Was it the highlights? I sigh. "How did you know?" "I don't know. I know it's either black or blonde though," he says. "The day you were down at the Chasm; I saw a little bit of blonde sticking out. But I didn't know if that was your natural color for sure."

Of course. The Chasm. The water probably got on my hair a little bit and rubbed some of the dye off. "Do you have a sink or something down here?" I ask. He looks kind of confused but answers anyways. "Umm…ya." He gets up and walks to the other side of the room. He kneels down and pulls a handle that I didn't know was there until now. It's like a trap door. It is a trap door.

I look down there and see a small bathroom down there. A toilet, small corner shower, and a sink. "I'll be right back," I tell him, then jump down. It is only a small 2 or 3 foot drop. He closes the trap door behind me. I turn the light on. I run the water in the sink. I make sure it's warm before sticking my head under it. I see black, blue, and gray dye running down the drain.

I keep my head under there until I see no more color. Just clear water. I turn the water off and take the towel I see and towel dry my hair. I brush through it with my fingers to get some of the tangles out and then look in the small round mirror on the wall. I see a blonde haired girl. One that looks kind of like Beatrice. But I'm Tris now. I let Beatrice go a long time ago.

I take a deep breath climb up on a stool right under the door and push up on it. I climb out and walk over to Four. "Does this answer your question?" He smiles. "You look good with blonde hair." I smile now too. "Thanks." "What time is it, by the way?" I ask. "I think it's about 11:00 or so." I sigh. "I guess we'd better start heading back," he says. I nod.

"Thanks for not telling anyone about this," I say. "No problem. I have to admit, it's a lot easier to speak with you now," he says and winks. I smile again and walk over to him. He pulls me into his arms one more time and holds me for another couple of minutes. I rest my head on his chest and wrap my arms around him. I close my eyes. "Goodnight Tris," he tells me. "Goodnight Four." He releases me and I walk over to my door. I open it and start to walk up the stairs. Before I close the door behind me, I look back and smile at Four. "See you tomorrow," he says. "See you tomorrow Four." I close the door and walk up to the second door.

Once I get to my room I open and close the door very quietly. I crawl into bed and set the alarm on my phone instead of the alarm clock. I feel relieved that I finally told someone a couple of things about me. Especially Four. I really like him. I'm sure about that now. But it doesn't scare me as much as it normally would. I trust him and I don't think that will ever change. And I'm glad. With that thought in mind, I drift off to sleep.

**Hey…so…ya. I have no idea what to say. I'm sorry I guess? I had final exams this week. But hopefully since it's Spring Break I will be able to write at least most of another chapter. Thank you so much for your support! It means a lot. I have to go now…but until next time. Aloha! (Aloha also means goodbye and love in Hawaiian. Trust me.)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Ok. So how is everybody? Good, I hope? I'm really not supposed to be typing right now…in fact I am probably going to get in big trouble if my mom figures out that I'm typing LTLTI instead of studying for my learner's permit exam….;) But I can't concentrate! I mean, who can read 100 pages straight of everything that can put me to sleep! I have taken many practice tests online…I am feeling pretty confident. So….here we go! Chapter 16!**

**Disclaimer: Veronica Roth owns everything. Divergent wise that is. Thank goodness she doesn't own everything! I don't really want main people in the world to die unexpectedly. Just saying. Does that even make any sense? Probably not. Oh, well. Just ignore me.**

**Tris' POV**

**Chapter 16**

**(I threw a teeny weeny little time skip there. Only like, 6 days. I promise!)**I wake up with a start. Not screaming, but sweating and trying to get my heart rate back down to a normal speed. Another nightmare. Is that a big surprise? No, I didn't think so. It's only a day until the dreadful September 28th comes. My birthday? Ya! Let's celebrate! Good times! Also the day your whole family died? It kind of kills that mood. Completely.

When I finally get my breathing and heart beat back to normal again, I get up and go into the bathroom. I turn the faucet on and _splash_ some cold water on my face. I turn the water off, dry my face off with a towel and look at myself in the mirror. It only lasts for a couple of seconds though before my mom's voice pops into my head. _"It is selfish and self-indulgent to look at yourself in the mirror."_I look away quickly. Besides, I'm still the same ugly girl as I always have been. I go back into my room and check the time on my phone. 3:32 am. I sigh. Of course it's in the middle of the night still.

I get back into bed and use this time to figure out how to tell Tori I'm talking again. _"Hey Tori. Guess what? I'm talking again. Started last night. Gotta go to school now! Bye!"_ Ya, no. _"Good morning Tori. So what are you forcing me to eat this morning?"_ Too harsh. _"So I started talking last night. Just don't tell anybody. Except for Four. He already knows."_ Too straight forward.

I huff and pull my _pillow_ over my head. I don't know how to tell Tori without her fainting or being a statue for minutes on end. All I know is that I will tell her. And that's not a good start at all. I groan in frustration. All of a sudden I hear a dinging coming from my phone. It better be good. I don't want something to make me even more frustrating.

By the time I get the pillow off my head and turn to look at my phone, it's gone black again. I reach over for it and turn it back on and see a text from Four. **_"Watcha thinkin' about?"_** I can't help it. I smile a little bit. I know I could just turn around in the window, but I am already warm and buried in my blankets again, so I decide just to text back. _"Just thinking about how to tell Tori I talk now. Anything I can think of is either too straight forward or harsh."_ (Four's is bold, Tris' is not)

_**"Harsh?"**_

_"Ya. I don't think she would like the whole, 'Good morning Tori. What are you forcing me to eat this morning?'"_

**_"Forcing you to eat? I'm missing something here."_**

CRAP. I forgot he doesn't know about my eating! Crap, crap, crap. I reply the only way I can think of, hoping he'll think it's a joke or something between just Tori and I. At least I can hope.

_"It's nothing."_

_**"You sure about that? I'm not buying it."**_

_"I'm fine. It's nothing Four."_

_**"Don't do that. What is it, really?"**_

_"It's nothing important. I swear."_

**_"I bet if I asked Tori she would beg to differ."_**

_"You wouldn't."_

_**"Don't underestimate me. I will if you won't tell me."**_

Are you serious? Would he really? I throw my head back and stare at the ceiling. Of course he would. If he thinks that I'm sick or something, of course he would ask Tori about it. She would tell him. I know that. So I can either tell him here and just make it very undetailed, or he can go to Tori who will over exaggerate everything. The choice is easy.

_"I don't eat as much as I used to. It's no big deal. Tori thinks otherwise."_

_**"Mmhmm. I'm still gonna get after you for more details, but that answer gets you off the hook for tonight. You're lucky I like you, or you'd be answering me with as many details as you could possibly come up with."**_

_"That's really all there is to it. She freaks out sometimes."_

**_"I know that's not all there is to it. But like I said, you get tonight."_**

_"Lucky me."_

**_"You're going to be telling me details tomorrow."_**

I immediately find a little slip through to this. He said tomorrow, obviously meaning tonight, but it is already 3:40, so technically I still get 2 days before he questions me. I hear a ding again and view it.

**_"I see your face. Scratch that tomorrow thing. Tonight."_**

I silently curse to myself. Did my expression really give that away? Or can he just read me too well?

**_"Need a ride today?"_**

_"Sure, why not."_

**_"Hey I keep forgetting to ask. When is your birthday?"_**

Of course he would ask that. Of course. Why wouldn't he?

_"Does it really matter?"_

**_"Yes."_**

_"I beg to differ."_

**_"I beg to differ to your beg to differ. Tell me."_**

_"*insert annoyed expression here*"_

**_"*insert puppy dog eyes here*"_**

_"Fine. It's soon."_

**_"But I wanna know the exact date. Please? For me?"_**

_"When's your birthday?"_

**_"I asked you first."_**

_"And I asked you second. Now spill."_

_**"Fine. January 15th. Now you tell me yours."**_

_"Who says I have to?"_

_**"Santa Claus says you'll get coal for Christmas if you don't tell me."**_

_"Oh so now you speak to Santa?"_

**_"Don't judge. TELL ME."_**

"I'd really rather not."

**_"The coal is already in his sleigh."_**

I chuckle a little bit at his comments. I really don't want to tell him, but he obviously won't give in. Do I lie? Yes. No? I don't know.

_"Will Santa Claus reconsider the coal?"_

_**"Only if you tell me your birthday."**_

_"I thought you said I was off the hook tonight for questioning."_

_**"That was when it was about food. Spill. It...please?"**_

I tried. He's obviously not giving in. I know if I don't tell him he'll ask Tori anyways. But would she tell him? I'm not sure. Probably. There's an 80% chance she will. A 15% chance she won't. And a 5% chance she'll break down. They're not very good odds. I sigh.

_"It's very, very, very, very soon."_

**_"Like, tomorrow soon?"_**

Did he really guess it? Please tell me he couldn't see my face. I'm sure my eyes were wide open.

**_"I'm taking that as a yes. Good girl. I convinced Santa to take you off the naughty list."_**

_"Maybe it's not tomorrow. Maybe it's in 3 days. Like October 1st."__  
__**"Ya. I saw your face Trissy. Too bad for you. You really should work on your poker face."**_

_"Am I really that bad?"_

**_"Yes. Yes you are."_**

_"Just don't make a big deal out of it please. Don't say anything to anyone or I swear, I will come after you and make you pay."_

**_"I'm already scared. Can I at least tell you happy birthday?"_**

_"Nope."_

**_"Why?"_**

_"Cause Santa Clause said."_

**_"So now you speak to Santa too?"_**

_"I'm off the naughty list. I can do that now."_

**_"Great. Fine. I won't."_**

_"Promise?"_

**_"I promise."_**

_"Pinky promise?"_

**_"Pinky promise."_**

_":)"_

_**"Ya, ya. Whatever. Well I'm going back to bed. Goodnight Tris."**_

_"Night Four."_

I put my phone back onto my nightstand and close my eyes. I hear my phone ding again and I check it.

**_"By the way, just come forward and tell Tori about it. Not completely straight forward, but not too easy either. Just tell her the truth. It won't matter to her."_**

I smile and fall back asleep.

* * *

This time I wake up with a small scream. Not long and drawn out, like normal, but just small and short. I had another nightmare. I look over at the time and see that it's only 4:30. I didn't even get another hour of sleep before I woke up again. Great. I can only imagine what tonight's sleep schedule will be like.

I look out the window to see if Four saw me. He's still laying down in his bed. He looks like he is sleeping, but I guess I cant be sure. For now, I let myself believe that he is sleeping, just so I can relax. I let out a sigh and take a few deep breaths, letting them out after holding them in for a few seconds each. It helps me relax enough to lay back down and close my eyes again.

As soon as I close them though, I see mom with a bloody face, laying down with her eyes wide open in the grass. The way I last saw her. I open my eyes again in a flash, trying to hold in the tears that threaten to spill out. I blink quickly, and slowly the blurriness goes away.

I lay there for a while before I look at the time again. 4:43 am. I know I need to try to get some more sleep, but I think that it's going to be impossible. With mom's face like that, I just can't imagine being able to block it out and go back to sleep. I mean, even if I do get back to sleep, I know I will be haunted with a few more nightmares before I actually have to get up. It's not really worth it. At least if I fall asleep without trying, I won't be thinking when I do it. It decreases my chances of getting more than one nightmare just a little.

I get up out of bed and go into the bathroom. Without looking at my hair in the mirror, I turn the water on high and dip my head under it. I know that this doesn't need done until morning, but I may as well just do it completely to waste some time.

Once my head is completely wet, I take it out of the sink, brush it, and then dry it. I can only hope that I am not waking up Tori. Once it's dry, I brush it again, then put my dye in the right way, this time taking extra time to get a few more gray and blue highlights in there. I then brush it again, making sure it looks perfect after looking in the mirror for 10 seconds at the most, then go back out into my bedroom.

Right now it is only 5:15. I sigh and figure that I will just lay back down in bed until I either fall asleep, or my alarm tells me it's time to get up. I have an hour and 15 minutes until my alarm goes off. It's a long time still, but I think I can stay up until then.

I lay with my eyes open, tossing and turning, trying not to let myself get too comfy and fall asleep. I don't know how long I do this for when I eventually decide to let myself look at the time again. It's 5:45. I've only been doing this for 30 minutes. Well, I only have 45 more to go. Doesn't make me feel any better; it felt like I was tossing and turning for at least 2 hours. Knowing that it was only 30 minutes just makes me sigh in frustration. I know that my nightmares will decrease in number after tomorrow, and I usually can go to sleep after each nightmare. But the night before and on September 28 is miserably long. I have nightmare after nightmare every night. Sometimes it even starts a few days beforehand. I know I deserve the nightmares, but it's just hard to live with.

I decide to just get up and get completely ready and eat when Tori has breakfast ready. I roll out of bed and pull out black jeans and a black long sleeved t-shirt. I slip them on quickly, along with some socks, and go into the bathroom. I brush my hair again, since it got a little bit messy when I was in bed, then put it into a ponytail. I glance in the mirror and immediately see purple rings starting to form underneath my eyes. I guess I should've known that it would happen. I've been getting a little more sleep for the past couple of weeks. Until a few days ago, of course.

I walk out of the bathroom and see it's 5:54. I got ready pretty fast. All I have left is breakfast, shoes, and brushing my teeth. I go downstairs quietly and see that all the lights are still off. I stumble over to the couch, planning on watching TV or something until Tori gets up. I lay down on the couch, searching for the remote. I can't find it after searching for about 5 minutes when I feel my eyes start to droop. I quickly snap them open again and refuse to let myself fall asleep. But that decision is quickly broken when I feel invisible weights start to push down my eyelids again. And this time, I let sleep take me.

* * *

_I'm too late. That's all I can think about at the moment. I know I'm too late. And there's no way I can save them. But I still yell for them anyways. "MOM! DAD! CALEB!" They are all bloody messes. All of them still held to their seat by their seatbelt. Suddenly, they all turn their heads towards me. "Look Beatrice. It's that boyfriend of yours. Isn't he just the best?" Mom says. My heart starts to beat a little faster. I look out the window just in time to see Eric standing outside. He smiles that creepy, overpowering smile of his that makes my blood run cold, then he opens the door and drags me out. _

_I start to scream. I kick, punch, swing, scratch, anything that can get me away from him. He throws me on the ground and gets on top of me. "You said you loved me. Now prove it." His voice rings loud and clear. It echoes, getting softer and softer, but somehow never completely going away. It rings in my ears. I start to fight back, but it's like I can't do anything. He removes my shirt then brings out a knife from his pocket and drags that awful line down my stomach. I start bleeding, but he doesn't just stop there. He cuts my wrists, thighs, arms, and legs. I'm bleeding so much right now, but I don't feel any weaker. He can cut me a thousand times and I still won't get any weaker. I feel the unbearable pain, but I can't get out of it. _

_He starts to take off all the rest of my clothing. I look back at the car where my mom, dad, and Caleb sit. They are all smiling visciously now, like they're enjoying the show. "MOM! Please help me! Please , please help me!" I'm sobbing now, knowing what's going to happen if they continue just to watch Eric. He will rape me and I won't be able to do anything but watch. I hear her talking and strain to hear her over Eric's malicious laughing and the awful sound of the ripping of clothes. "Oh but Beatrice, you deserve this. All of it. You know it. I know it. Your father knows it. Caleb knows it. It's quite fun watching you get what you deserve." I immediately start sobbing again and look back up at Eric. He's completely removed both his clothes and my clothes. "Now let's have some fun Beatrice," I hear him say, just before I feel him slip inside of me with incredible and unbearable pain, once again._

* * *

I wake up to hearing my self full out screaming. "NO! ERIC!" I see Tori shaking my shoulders, yelling at me to wake up with Four standing right behind her, looking worried, concerned, and confused all at the same time. Great. How long was I sleeping for? An hour? An hour and a half? It's something like that.

"Tris! Thank goodness you're awake," I hear Tori say. She pulls me into a tight hug. "I was so worried!" I wrap my arms around her too. I know I need to talk to her, and I mean actually _talk_ to her, but right now Eric's voice is still running through my head and my stomach scar is searing in pain right now. I decide that it can wait. I close my eyes before I think and see both Eric and Mom. Eric with that evil smile he always had on his face, and Mom with the bloody body. I snap my eyes open, even though I know they're filled with tears and feel them start to run down my cheeks before I even consider Four being there.

That was one of the worst nightmares I've had in a long time. Eric has never been in one with my family. It's always been either him or my family. And both of them together obviously equaled disaster and the inability to wake up from it until it was finished. I see Four kneel down in front of me and wipe a few years off my cheeks with his thumb. It makes my cry more, seeing the two people that I care about most helping me, a disaster. I bite my lip to keep from sobbing loudly, but eventually the tears win and I start full-out sobbing.

I squeeze my eyes shut not wanting to see Four's reaction. I know he's seen me crying before, seen me during an anger rampage, seen me in the midst of a panic attack, but he's never seen me full-out sobbing before. All of a sudden I feel another pair of arms circling around me. I start to freak out at first, but then I realize that those arms can only be Four's, and relax a little. His arms comfort me just as much as Tori, if not even more, and I can try to stop my sobbing.

I focus on taking deep breaths, trying to control my sobs first. They start off almost unnoticeable at first, then they become shaky, and then finally my breathing is back to normal. My sobs have stopped. A few tears still stream down my face, but I quickly wipe them away with the heel of my hand. Tori releases me at the same time Four does and they both look at me.

I press the heels of my hands into my eyes so I don't have to look at them. This was all too embarrassing for me. I mean, Tori has seen me like this before. But I didn't ever really want Four to see me like this. The last thing I wanted to do was to pull him into this mess. And that's exactly what I did. That's all I ever do. Drag people into things they shouldn't ever have to mess with.

I hear Tori whisper quietly, "Another one?" She's obviously referring to my nightmares. I know that Four has seen me up in the middle of the night. But I don't think he knows about the nightmares. So maybe he won't know what she's talking about. But it's doubtful. Since he saw me in this state, I'm sure the pieces aren't hard to put together. So I just nod slightly. I hear both of them sigh. Even though I can't technically see them, I just know that they're looking at each other, wondering what to do.

Eventually I hear Four. "You know you can look at us ,right? We aren't going to turn you into stone or anything." I smile just a little bit at his comment, but still don't take my hands off of my eyes. "Tris, please just look at us," I hear Tori ask. I take a few breaths and slowly remove my hands. I look both of them in the eye for a second, then look down at the couch and pick at a loose thread. I know Tori is right in front of me and Four is right beside me, but I will avoid looking at them for as long as I can.

I pull my knees up to my chest and continue to pick at the thread like it's the most interesting thing in the world. I feel my ponytail slipping off my hair, but I don't do anything about it. Even after it falls off and lets my hair loose and I see it surrounding the sides of my head. Good. It can hide my face a bit more. "I'm going to go get you some water Tris," I hear Tori say. In my peripheral vision, I see her get up and walk to the kitchen.

"Tris, please talk to me," I hear Four whisper so quietly that if he was any quieter it would disappear into the air. "Are you okay?" I don't want to respond, but I also don't want him to think that I hate him or am pushing him away. So I answer with a whisper just as softer. Maybe even a little softer. "I'm sorry you had to see me like this." "Tris. It's not your fault. I get them too, you know. Seeing you like this made me feel better. I know you're not shutting everyone out when you're like this. If rather see you like this than see nothing at all," he replies. What he said makes sense, and I know he means it, but I still wish he didn't see me like that. I feel him kiss my temple and rub my arm a couple seconds later.

I know that he told me the truth. I know he's not embarrassed or ashamed of me. So I stop picking at the thread and turn to side where I can lean into Four. He wraps his arms around me and snuggle up into his chest. I bury my face in his chest and enjoy this relaxing moment. I know it won't last long. Especially with September 28 being tomorrow. So I try to take it all in. The feeling of his arms around me. His scent, his breathing, his heartbeat. Hopefully I can remember this tomorrow.

I hear Tori coming back into the room, so I slowly untangle myself from Four's arms. I look at Tori and gratefully accept the glass of water she gives me. I drink half of it before I set it back down on the table beside me. "Better?" Tori asks. I nod. I give her a little smile to prove it. She smiles too and says, "It's only 7:00. You can stay here for a little bit longer."

I raise an eyebrow, confused. I thought it would be at least 7:30? I mean, unless Four came to pick me up 30 minutes earlier than usual, I'm missing something. Tori smiles sheepishly, like when a little kid gets caught stealing another cookie from the cookie jar. I tilt my head slightly and raise both eyebrows, urging her to tell me what she has to say. "When I came down and heard you yelling, I ran over to Four's and asked him to come help me wake you up..." she says. I feel my cheeks heat up a little, but I smile anyways. She was just trying to help. She was worried about me. Four was able to comfort me and even though I'm still not happy with him seeing me sobbing, I'm just glad that he cared enough to come over.

Seeing my reaction, Tori smiles back at me and sighs in relief. "So I'm not in trouble then?" I hear Four ask me. I laugh a little and give him a little shoulder shove. I shake my head. He dramatically lets out a huge breath. "Whew!" He wipes his forehead with the back of his hand as if he was wiping sweat off. Tori laughs. I laugh too. Then I feel Four give me a small shoulder shove back. I roll my eyes at him but I can't keep the smile off my face. He can be such a little kid.

"Ok. So do you wanna finish getting your shoes and stuff?" Tori asks. I nod my head, knowing I still need to get my shoes, book bag, and brush my teeth. I get up and go upstairs. I see my shoes in the corner of my room, next to my book bag. I go into the bathroom and brush my teeth first, before coming out and putting my shoes on. I grab my book bag and walk out my bedroom and start to head downstairs when I hear Tori and Four talking. I know I shouldn't snoop, but I can't help my damn curiosity.

Tori is speaking. "Thank you Four. I'm not sure what you did with her, but all I know is that she's more alive, ya know? She is just doing a lot better. I still worry about her, but not as much as I used to." "Anytime Tori. You're not the only one who worries about her," I hear Four say.

Before the conversation can get any deeper, I walk down the stairs and walk into the living room. "You ready to go?" Four asks. I nod and start to walk towards the door. I turn around at last minute though, and give Tori a hug. Then I resume walking out the door, towards Four's car. I walk outside and spot his car in his driveway. I walk over there and get in. I shut the door. He gets in a couple seconds after me and starts the car. "Ready?" He asks. I smile and say, "Ready."

**Hey everyone. So I actually do have a valid excuse for absence. I promise! So if you want to read the excuse(s), then read the next paragraph. **

**Here we go. So it turns out that my mom had forgotten to tell me that I would be babysitting two kids on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and most of Friday. Now I bet you're wondering why I just couldn't type it up on Friday. Well, my friend came over. Maybe you're wondering why? Here's why. On Friday we were going to Kansas City with each other, my mom and dad, and we were heading to my uncle's. It was late once we were there and we fell asleep almost right away. On Saturday, we went to Insurgent (Which was amazing by the way! Wish they kept it more like the book though...oh well!) and then went out to eat right after the movie. Then right after that we went to the Maroon 5 concert at Sprint Center. (Which was also AMAZING!) Then we got back SUPER late. So ya. I fell asleep. Sunday morning we got packed up and headed back home. Once I was home, I unpacked did some chores and took a 4 hour nap. Excuses are over!**

**So...I stayed up until 12:30 writing 2,000+ words on my phone just so I could get it posted. I know you might be wondering about the plot twist thing. Do not fret my children! I have not forgotten about it, nor have I put it off! It's coming in the next 2-3 chapters. Guaranteed. I just need to get past Tris' birthday and then it will come into play. Sound good? Good. I will try to update another time within the next week. I have lots of English to do, so I can get on the good computer and type my heart away while I'm doing English. Multitasking!:) So until next time...SEE YA!:):):)**


	17. Chapter 17

Hey** guys! So I worked hard on this chapter. I'm trying to get to the twist as soon as possible! I really am! I want to get this done and ready for it! So, this chapter should be pretty exciting for you all! (I hope...) So…here we go! PLEASE REVIEW! IT MOTIVATES ME SO INCREDIBLY MUCH! THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT GUYS!:)**

**Disclaimer: Ok…so this is Disclaimer #17. Take one. **

** "I do not own the Divergent Trilogy or any characters from the series. All that good stuff belongs to Veronica Roth. The talented Veronica Roth." Soooo..****Are we good here? Great. Let's get this thing going.**

**Chapter 17**

**Four's POV**

As I am driving us both to school, my mind is on overdrive with millions of questions swarming through my head. Or at least, it feels like it. Does she have nightmares often? If she does, then why does she get them? It makes me wonder about what exactly happened in her past. And why doesn't she even want anyone to celebrate her birthday? She doesn't even want someone to tell her "Happy Birthday!" Why? What's so bad about birthdays? What was her nightmare about this morning? And what did Tori mean by, "Another one?"

I force myself to stop thinking every single question in my head and try to focus on one I actually want to ask her

. But I'm afraid she'll just ignore me or yell at me for asking. I remember her waking up screaming a name…what was it again? C'mon Four, think! What was it!? It started with an E…that's all I remember. Erin? Ethan? Edward? No, no, and no. Wait-Eric! That's what it was! I decide to ask Tris about it, even after I've thought about all the consequences. She can tell me if she wants, and if she doesn't want to, then so be it. But I will wait until we're at school before I ask. Within the next 5 minutes, I pull into the school parking lot and park in a parking space that's pretty close to the school. We are still fairly early, so no one has taken the good spots yet.

Before she can get out I gently grab her wrist. She noticeably flinches, but I try to ignore it, not wanting to think about what caused her to react that way. "Hey Tris? Can I ask you something?" She turns her head toward me and nods her head. "Ya," she says. I take a breath then ask, "Who is Eric?" She tenses up right away and pales just a tiny bit. "How do you know about him?" she asks. Should I tell her the truth? Yes…I guess so. I mean, what excuse would I be able to make up for this? "This morning, you were screaming his name. Also saying 'No' and 'Stop it' quite a few times," I tell her.

She relaxes just a tiny bit and blows out a breath before answering. "Don't take this the wrong way Four, but I really don't-no-_can't_ talk about him without my brain bringing back memories of the past. To be honest, I kind of freak out when something reminds me of him. Even just a tiny thing can set it off." I understand completely about her not wanting to talk about him, but I just need to know one thing about him before I stop asking her about him. "I understand completely Tris. But can you just tell me one thing about him?" I ask. She appears to think a minute, then says, "It depends on what the question is. But shoot." "When something reminds you of him, does it bring back good or bad memories of your past?" I ask her again. I know it may sound like a silly question, but I just hope he brings back _good_ memories. Because if she says that he brings back bad memories, I think my mind will explode with the thousands more questions entering.

She bites her lip and looks down at her lap. She is fiddling with her fingers and obviously is trying to figure out how to respond to the question. "If I answer this truthfully, will you promise not to ask me about him more?" she finally responds. It took Tris a while to think of a way to respond to my question, but when she asked me to promise her that, I don't even have to think about it before I find myself blurting out, "I promise." She closes her eyes for a moment before she opens them and turns to look at me in the eye. It's not a fierce gaze, like I'm in trouble, but it's also not a gaze that says she isn't going to answer me. It's more of a distant gaze, where she looks like she is somewhere else in her mind, yet she's still looking straight into my eyes. "He brings back bad memories Four. Bad, bad memories."

Suddenly that lost look in her eyes is gone, and it's like she's back in reality. I then catch her eyes get just a tiny bit glossy with tears. In fact, it's so little that I start to second guess myself. That they weren't really tears. But I know that what I saw were, in fact, tears when I see her break her gaze and push her hands into her eyes again like she did this morning. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring back memories. I'm sorry," I find myself saying before I can think. I see her smile just a little bit and remove her hands. She just sits there for a second. Then she says, "Hey, it's ok. It's not your fault that he was a bad guy. You don't need to apologize." I nod my head before leaning over and giving her a little kiss on top of her now black, gray, and blue hair.

When I think that she's not going to talk anymore, I make a move to get out of the truck when I feel her small hand gripping my own hand. I look over at her. "I think I'll tell you about him someday. But I want you to understand that no one knows about him. And I mean _no one._ Not even Tori. And I'm just now starting to trust people again and it's kind of hard just to open up right away, ya know?" I smile at her and reach over and pull her into my arms. "It's fine Tris. I get it. You don't need to worry about it. You don't have to tell me anything. But if you want to, I'll always be here to listen. Ok?" I feel her bury her head farther into my chest and nod slightly. "Ok," she whispers back to me. I smile. I end up releasing her first after a minute or so, even though I could've sat there all day like that.

We both start to get out, but not before I hear her whisper one last thing. "Thank you." And that's all I needed to hear in order to know that she would tell me someday. She trusts me and I don't want to jeopardize that by interrogating her. So I just get out of the car and wait for her to come around front before we both walk to the school's front yard where we see Uriah and Zeke wrestling on the ground over something. I look down at Tris and see her smile, obviously watching them too. The bell rings about 5 minutes later and we all walk in to school together, ready for the day to be over.

* * *

**Tris' POV**

**(Surprise! Are you surprised?)**

It feels like the day goes by within a few minutes. Way too fast for my liking. Because before I knew it, the last bell rang and it just reminded me that it's only a few more hours until midnight. September 28. My family's death anniversary. Also known as my birthday. I'm not looking forward to it. I know that it's going to be a bad day tomorrow. I also know that Tori will try to avoid telling me what tomorrow is. Even though I think she knows that I will never forget it. I love her for that; constantly trying to protect me from everything she possibly can. I know tomorrow will be a bad day for her too. But I think that we are both going to need both space and comfort from each other.

I realize that I've reached the parking lot now and am standing by Four's car. I don't know how long it took me to get here, but it must have not been very long because he isn't here yet. I decide to sit down while I wait. I slide down and lean against the car. I tilt my head back and try to to focus on the breeze. Somehow I'm successful and find myself relaxing quickly. I try to memorize this feeling too, so maybe I can feel like this tomorrow. Doubtful, but there's always a chance.

All too soon I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and take it out. It's a text from Four.

_**Where are you? You didn't run off did you?;)**_

I smile and reply back.

_I'm here. In the parking lot. Sorry, I walked fast._

I stick my phone back into my pocket and go back to my previous actions. It feels so nice that I don't even notice Four walking up beside me. "You ok there Tris?" I jump a little bit and open my eyes to see him standing there. I nod and start to get up, reluctantly of course, but I've gotten my fill of peace for the next 24 hours.

I see Four reach a hand down and I grab it. He pulls me up completely and he opens up the door for me. "Here you go m'lady," he says with a horrible accent. I can't help it and I laugh. He laughs too and closes the door after I get in. He gets in on the other side and closes his door also. Once we start moving, I punch him lightly on the arm and say, "You're such an idiot." "Thank you very much," he says back. I smile and lean back into the seat.

We sit in a peaceful silence for a couple of minutes before I hear Four ask, "When are you planning on telling Tori you're talking again?" I have thought about it. I'm going to do it tonight. Maybe right when we sit down to eat. Maybe she won't make me eat as much if she is happy. I know it's kind of mean to do it like that, but I'm honestly not hungry at all. "Tonight," I say_._ "Ok. Good," he says. "Any particular reason?" _Yes._ "Not really. I guess I just feel like I need to tell her sooner rather than later. Only reason I didn't this morning was because of...well, you know." He nods, taking in my words for a few seconds.

"One more question?" I smile a little bit. "Ask as many as you want," I reply. I know he won't ask any that have even the slightest chance of bothering me. He smiles and nods. "Ok then. First one...why don't you like your birthday?" Ok. So it doesn't bother me. But the depth of the real answer does. So I tell him part of the truth. "I guess I don't really like the attention. Besides, none of my birthdays have been great in the past. So I just don't really care anymore I guess." He purses his lips a little bit, obviously knowing that it's not the full truth, but luckily he doesn't decide to push it.

"Ok. Next question. How often do you get nightmares?" My head snaps up at the question. I look over at him and see that he is focusing on the road as hard as he possibly could. He obviously was concerned but didn't want to see my reaction. I sigh and lean back again. "Why do you even care?" I hear myself asking him before I can think about how rude it sounded.

I sit back up and start to apologize. "I'm sorry Four! I didn't mean it like that. I didn't even think about how that-" He cuts me off by reaching over and squeezing my hand and saying, "It's fine Tris. Don't worry about it. I know you didn't mean it to sound rude." He turns his head and smiles at me. I sigh in relief at the fact that he isn't mad at me. He turns his head back to the road and lets go of my hand. I instantly miss the warmth and comfort that his hand brought. "And just so you know, I care because I care about you. A lot. I care about what happens to you, believe it or not." I try to make the huge smile that I know is on my face go down in size. I bite my lip and say, "Thanks Four. That really does mean a lot."

I bite my lip and now focus on the answer to his question. How often do I get nightmares? Every night...except for maybe a couple times each week after I spend a lot of time with him. Even then, though, it doesn't always keep the nightmares away. I take a breath and say, "Almost every night." I feel myself blush a little and look down. Now he probably thinks I'm a freak. "I don't think you're a freak Tris," he says. Did I just think out loud? Crap. Just another imperfection of mine.

I blush some more and feel the car stop moving. We must be home. I don't get out though, and neither does Four. "Hey Tris. Look at me." I don't look up at him, mostly because I'm too embarrassed to meet his eyes. Then I feel his hand gently grab my chin and tilt it up so I'm forced to meet his gaze. Wonderful. I see his ocean-blue eyes and immediately get lost in them.

"Listen Tris. You don't have to be embarrassed about having nightmares. You've obviously been through a lot. I get them too sometimes." I wrinkle my eyebrows in confusion. Four gets nightmares too? "They're not as bad as your's are. But they're still nightmares." What does he have nightmares about? As if reading my mind he says, "I didn't have a very good past either." I nod and try to look down again. But his fingers stop me. He leads my face back up again and says, "You're not a freak Tris. Okay?" But I don't answer him right away.

I'm starting to realize that I might be falling for him. Just a little bit. The more I look into his eyes, the more I have the urge to kiss him. I don't know what I'm thinking, but I think it's somewhere along the lines of, "Remember what happened with Eric?" And I do remember, but I know that Four is nothing like that. So I immediately push that thought to the back of my mind. Along with the thought of kissing him. No one will ever like me like that. Four isn't an exception. He likes me as a friend. That's it.

I realize that I've been staring for the past couple of minutes when Four says, "Okay Tris?" His eyes are full of something I'm not quite sure of. Whatever it is, it's not any of the things I've seen in his eyes before. But it's definitely not hate or anything along those lines. I know I need to answer him, and even though I know that I'm a freak of sorts, I whisper back, "Okay."

We continue to stare at each other for I'm not sure how long. Eventually he breaks the complete silence. He whispers, "One more question?" He leans a bit closer to my face, but I don't mind at all. I lean just a little bit closer also. Our foreheads are almost touching. I feel my eyes flutter shut. Every fiber of my being is screaming at me to pull back. Run away. Escape somehow. Go somewhere far from here. But I don't want to. I want to stay right here.

"Yes?" I whisper. I feel his hand cup my cheek and I lean into it slightly. I slowly open my eyes only to see deep ocean blue ones staring right back into my ugly blue-gray eyes. What he asks next surprises me. "Can I kiss you?" he whispers. I think about it for a couple of seconds before I answer.

Do I want to kiss him? Most definitely. Do I deserve him? Absolutely not. Will I regret it? Not at all. Am I scared of this? Not with him. Am I going to tell him the answer that he and I both want to hear?_ Absolutely. _"Yes," I whisper. He smiles a little bit and leans in. And that's when our lips meet. When the fireworks start going off. When my body stops shooting comments at me to get away, like a train going off it's tracks.

Electricity shoots through my body like thousands of volts running through me. But instead of it hurting, it is total bliss. It makes me warm and tingly inside and I quickly wrap my arms around his neck, looking for something to hold on to. Wanting to get closer to him than I ever have before. His lips are soft and gentle, nothing at all like Eric's rough and possessive ones.

And then all too soon it ends when we both pull back for air. Our foreheads are touching, my hands are still wrapped around his neck, and his arms move down and gently grab my waist. Once we both catch our breath, I open my eyes and smile at him. He opens his eyes a couple of seconds after me and I start laughing. For the first time ever, I actually felt safe while kissing someone. Never before have I been kissed while still feeling safe and Eric, it was like if I did one thing wrong, I would get hit afterwards.

Four starts chuckling and brings me into his chest. Man, how many hugs can I get from him? I don't know how many times I've hugged him today, but I'm definitely not complaining. Since my arms are around his neck and we aren't standing up, I'm closer to his height and this time I move my head to lay on his shoulder. We stay like that for longer than we usually do, which means it is probably quite a while before we both let go of each other. Still reluctantly, but I know that I could sit like that forever if I could. So it's probably better that we let go now.

He lifts his hand and tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear and smiles at me. I smile back. I decide to be honest but playful with him. "Well I don't know about you, but that was the best kiss I've ever had," I say with a voice barely above a whisper. He chuckles and says, "It's the same over here." We sit in silence once again for a minute or two.

He takes a deep breath. He opens his mouth a couple of times like he was going to say something, but then decided against it. I get a little scared about what he is going to say. Is he going to tell me that he was just lying and that he hated it? That he regretted this and wish he could take it back?

He must see the look in my eyes because he says, "Don't worry Tris. That really was the best kiss I've had. It's just..." I raise an eyebrow as if urging him to go on. He takes another deep breath and says, "Willyougooutwithme?" His words are spoken so fast that it's hard to understand. But I figure it out a couple of seconds later and my eyes widen just a bit. Does he really want to go out with me? Did he actually ask that or was I just imagining it? It must be too good to be true...right?

I must have been thinking about it for too long, because I hear Four trying to backtrack. "I'm so sorry Tris. It's way too early for you. I get it. I'm sorry for aski-" I cut him off by giving him a peck on the lips. He looks surprised. I start talking, trying to explain myself. "Don't try to backtrack Four. Of course I want to go out with you! You're amazing, handsome, brave, kind, selfless, smart, and the list goes on. Youre the exact opposite of me. I mean, the real question is if _you_ want to go out with _me. _I mean, look at me. I'm selfish, weak, cowardly, ugly, broken, stup-"

I feel his lips on mine, successfully cutting me off. It only lasts a couple of seconds, but it was enough to get me to shut up. "Don't you dare finish that sentence Tris. Don't you dare. You're not any of the things you just called yourself. You are caring, brave, strong, beautiful, smart, and the list goes on. So don't you dare think otherwise. And anyone who does think differently can shove their head up their ass." I blush and nod. I know it's not true, but it does cut to the core. In a good way, I mean. "Besides, do you think I would've asked you if I didn't want to go out with you?" I bite my lip, look down at my lap, and shrug. He takes my head and tilts it up. Again, forcing me to meet his gaze. "The answer is no Tris. It's up to you, but I know that I want to call you my girlfriend."

He's obviously made his point. There's no chance that I could make him change his mind now. A 0% chance. Which is good for me, but might be bad for him once he figures out who I truly am. But that's a conversation meant for another day. So I reply with, "I guess you're my boyfriend then." I smile at him and he quickly looks relieved and smiles back at me. "And I guess I get to call you my girlfriend," he says. It makes me smile just a bit more and I reach over to him and wrap my arms around him. He wraps his arms around me too and we sit there for about a minute. Then I hear Tori's car driving into the garage. I pull away first this time and smile. "Thanks Four." He looks confused. "For what?" "For everything," I say. I give him a kiss on the cheek and grab my bag from the back. I hear Four tell me, "Hey let me know how everything with Tori goes." I nod and jump out of the car.

I reach my front door and turn back to where Four still sits in his car. I smile and wave then walk in. Immediately Tori bombards me with questions. "What took you so long to get out of that car huh? What was it? Tell me you didn't get a detention or something." I laugh at Tori's blabber, set my bag by the door, and walk over to the couch. I plop down and motion for Tori to come sit by me. I decide to come clean and tell her now. Tell her about how I've started talking and then start with what happened in the car.

She sits by me, looking thoroughly happy that she made me laugh and says, "So let me think of what I can and can't ask you. Ok. I've got it. Did you get a detention? Did you need to catch up on some homework after school? Did you stop somewhere with your friends before you came back here?" I take a deep breath. _This is where I tell her everything. _"No, no, and, no."

She sits there, stunned. Her eyes are wide, shocked. She sits completely still and eventually she sits like that for so long that I have to say something. "I meant to tell you this morning, but I guess that after the events that happened I didn't really feel up to it. I'm sorry. I should've told you as soon as I did start talking again, but I-" I'm cut off again for the second time today, but this time it's not from a kiss. This time its with a bone-crushing hug. Suddenly relieved that she's not mad at me, I give her a bone-crushing hug as well.

Then I remember that I might need to breathe, and that's not going to happen if Tori doesn't release me from the constricting hug soon. I tap her shoulder and say, "Tori. Need. Air." She immediately lets go of me and I see tears forming in her eyes. She smiles and laughs, and her reaction to this is quite the opposite of the scenario I had come up with in my head. This is good. Very good. She asks me, "When did you start?" "Just last night, I swear." "It doesn't matter to me Bea! This is amazing!" The smile she flashes me is so big that even if my day had gone to crap, this would make it so much better. Seeing Tori happy.

She starts talking again, but this time it's more calm and under control. "Ok. So why did you start talking, and to whom?" I take a deep breath and say, "It was with Four. He just asked me why I never talked. I guess I just wanted to come clean so I told him I never had had a reason to. He was almost as shocked as you were." She chuckles a little bit at this. "So when exactly did this happen? Was it when you were driving home from school yesterday?" I shake my head. "No it was at night." I said it before I could even think about it and she curls her eyebrows as if urging me to go on. When I don't say anything else, she finally gives in and asks me, "So where did this happen?" I smile and bop her nose. "Now that stays a secret." She scowls at me, playfully of course, and I'm reminded of the carefree Tori that I used to know before everybody but me was ripped away from her. I guess I wasn't the only one that changed that day.

"Ok, fine. You're lucky I'm in a good mood." She winks at me then says, "So what exactly did happen in that car? Can I jump to conclusions?" "It depends on what you're conclusion is..." "Well my conclusion is something that little kids say all the time. How does it go? Oh ya! It goes something like '_Four and Trissy sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G," _she says in a childish voice. I can't help the blush that spreads heat throughout my whole face and look down at my lap, fiddling with my thumbs. I hear Tori gasp and grab my shoulders. "You tell me everything right now missy! I don't expect EVERYTHING, but I do expect nothing but the truth to come flying out of your mouth for the next 5 minutes or so." I smile and start to tell her about what happened in the car.

**(You already know what happened in the car. I'm saving you the pain of having to read a whole other couple of paragraphs that you already know. Tris tells her everything except the "I'm ugly and selfish part". Ok? Ok.)**

When I'm done explaining Tori squeals and jumps up and down. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" I start laughing. "Knew what?" "That you and Four would get together sooner or later! It was totally obvious that you guys liked each other!" That was the answer I was expecting from a teenage girl like Christina. Not a 32 year old art/music teacher. But nonetheless, it's fun to see Tori acting a little bit like her old self, so I let it be. I start laughing again and just watch Tori for a little bit.

Finally Tori stops and she's back to sitting on the couch. She asks me another question. "So are you happy to call him your boyfriend? Or is it awkward for you?" I chuckle a little bit from her demeanor changing from ecstatic to completely serious within a matter of seconds. I smile and say, "Honestly Tori, we've gotten so close within the past month or so that it's not awkward at all. If anything, it's made it even less awkward if that's possible. I'm definitely happy." She squeals again and closes her eyes, taking deep breaths.

The smile still stays in her face, and she eventually calms herself down and says, "Tonight I'm getting pizza. You're eating a piece, no exceptions. It was smart of you to tell me right before I would usually start cooking supper, but this doesn't change anything." I groan and she winks at me before picking up the phone and ordering a pizza. "It will be here in 30 minutes. Now go upstairs and text your boyfriend or something. I know you want to." I blush and walk upstairs to my room, shutting the door behind me.

I grab my phone out of my pocket and text Four.

_Everything went well. She's more happy today than she has been in years I think._

It only takes him a few minutes to reply.

**_See? I told you everything would go fine._**

_By the way...she kind of interrogated me and she now knows about us._

**_That's fine. You should know that I don't care if you told Tori. I kind of figured that was a given when you said you'd talk to her tonight._**

_Ok good. I'm sure there are more questions coming but I think Round 1 is over. I could be wrong and she won't ask me anymore questions, but I highly doubt it._

**_Well good luck to you. I wouldn't want to be the one stuck with being interrogated by Tori._**

_Thanks for the luck. I'll need it I think. _

**_Anytime. I think you'll need it too in my opinion._**

The doorbell rings and I hear Tori opening up the door. I hear small talk between the person and Tori and figure that the pizza is here. I hear Tori shut the door and yell. "TRIS! PIZZA!" "OK! I'LL BE DOWN THERE IN A MINUTE!" I text Foir quickly, not wanting Tori to get out of her good mood by waiting for me.

_Well, here comes Round 2. Let's hope I survive this. Talk to you later Four._

**_Talk to you later Tris. Don't make her wait any longer or you have no chance of just sneaking your way around it. _**

I plug my phone into the outlet in the wall and go downstairs as quickly as I can. There are plates and glasses of water already on the table with the box of pizza right in the middle. Tori comes out from the kitchen holding a couple of forks and sits down, handing me one. I sit down and grab the smallest piece of pizza I can find from the box. It turns out that the pieces are all cut to about the same size. Darn.

We are both eating when Tori says, "Don't worry. I'm not going to ask you anymore questions. You've answered enough questions for now." I look up in surprise. "Really?" "Yep. Now don't make me change my mind." I stuff a few bites of pizza in my mouth, forcing myself to swallow. Then Tori whispers, "Besides, it's your birthday tomorrow." THATS right. It is my birthday tomorrow. With everything that has happened today I almost forgot. My parent's and Caleb's death anniversary. I almost wished I did forget now. And by the way Tori whispered that, it's obvious that she knows what else tomorrow is and that she forgot about it too.

A wave of nausea suddenly passes through me and I drop my fork. It clatters on my plate and just makes everything seem more silent for some reason. Tears fill my eyes and I rest my elbows on the table. I put my head onto my hands and focus on trying to push the tears back. But it's no use. They're not going away anytime soon. I whisper back, trying not to show Tori the shakiness in my voice when I reply, "That's right. It is." The smell of pizza is wafting through the air and makes me want to throw up even more.

I scoot my chair back and say, "I'm sorry Tori. But can I please be excused?" I can see that she's not eating anymore either. She's mostly just picking at it now. My stomach is doing flip flops still smelling the pizza. She nods and I go rushing upstairs. I go into the bathroom and lean over the toilet, throwing up what little I had in my stomach.

When I'm done I shakily stand up and rinse my mouth out with the water from the sink. I look into the mirror and see that I am a lot paler than normal and that it only makes the purple bags under my eyes more noticeable than before. I look away and turn the shower on. Once it's warm and I'm stripped from my clothes, I step into the shower already having the urge to reach for the razor.

I fight the urge while I shampoo my hair, but eventually I can't fight it any longer and start crying when I feel how automatic the reach is. I stare at the razor for a second, then bring it down to my wrist. It starts to bleed and I do the same thing with my other wrist. I end up adding 8 new cuts, then start to condition my hair. Once I'm done with that I turn the water off and step out. My vision is still blurry with tears, but I make sure to hold them in until I'm dressed at least.

Once I'm dressed in some shorts and a long sleeved t-shirt, I wipe the tears out of my eyes. I walk over to the window, making sure Four isn't in his room. I search for him, but he must be downstairs. I shut the drapes, effectively blocking his view from me. I hope it doesn't hurt his feelings, but I also really don't want him to see me tonight like this. Or tomorrow for all that it matters. I get into bed and that's when I finally allow myself to start sobbing.

I sob for probably 30 minutes before my eyes feel like they can't produce any more tears. I think Tori is giving me some space tonight. I'm glad. I love Tori, but I don't really want to face her tonight. I sit there for another 10 minutes, give or take a few, and start silently crying again. I look at the time and see that it is 10:30. Or at least. That's what I could see through my crappy vision at the moment. I hear my phone ding and I get up out of bed to check it. It's a text. I wipe my eyes and focus on what it says.

**_I forgot to ask. Do you need a ride tomorrow? _**

I'm not going to school tomorrow. That much I know. But I'm not going to tell Four that. I'm afraid he'll ask me why and then it will turn into something that I just start sobbing about again. So I reply with a half truth-half lie. In that order.

_I actually won't need one tomorrow. Tori is insisting on taking me. _

**_Thats fine. Just figured that I would ask. Goodnight Tris._**

_Goodnight Four._

I crawl back into bed and eventually cry myself to sleep, trying to mentally prepare myself for the nightmares that are sure to come tonight.

**Hey! So this is a much longer chapter. I've literally worked until 1am every night to finish this Chapter. Don't be expecting this often of an update every time, but there will be sometimes where I can work this hard. I hope you guys liked it! If any of you have any unique ideas about what one of Tris' nightmares can be and I use it, you'll get a shoutout! I really could use some help here...I know how I'm going to write the next chapter, but like I said, I really could use some help with the nightmares section. Please and thank you!:) And do you think that we can make it to 135 reviews? It would make my day!:) Well, until next time, AUDIOS AMIGOS!:):):)**


	18. Chapter 18

**I've been trying super hard to get updates to be more often. I'm trying to get some prewritten also because I'm going on a week and a half long vacation pretty soon…within 2-3 weeks. *wincing in fear* Please don't hurt me too bad if I don't get to update while I'm gone on vacation…please? Thanks? I hope….but I have been working my butt off every night. 7/8 of this chapter was typed on Fanfiction itself. So please understand that I'm trying as hard as I can to meet your guys' pleads. THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS AND HELP! SHOUT OUTS WILL BE DOWN AT THE BOTTOM AN!:) Thanks for everyone who gave me your ideas! They really helped. I wasn't able to use all of them in this particular chapter, but I did like all of them so you'll be seeing some of them in future chapters!:) Also...this is super long so don't read it unless you can read extremely fast, or have a lot of free time on your hands. Now you can't say I didn't warn you!;)**

**Disclaimer: Do I look like I am 26 years old? Ya…I didn't think so. I hope I don't look like I am 26! :/ Only 26 year old I know is Veronica Roth and she owns everything I'm writing about. All I own is the plot. Sadly.:(**

**Chapter 18 (Have I really come this far already?)**

**Tris' POV**

I wake up from my sleep. I counted my nightmares. I had over 10 of them. So I had a _great _night's sleep. I look over at the time. 5:30am. I lay back down in gbed and feel tears in my eyes forming. I wish I could be happy. I'm 17 now. But it doesn't make me feel any better. It makes me feel worse. I start sobbing. I turn into my pillow and clutch it to my chest while sobbing. I immediately wish that Four was here. I really could use some of his comfort right now.

I finally get the first round of sobbing over with and take deep breaths. I sit up and look around the room. But it makes me think of them. Everything in here reminds me of them. The pictures. The piano. The books. The clock. Everything somehow ties into a memory. The pictures of happier moments, the piano duets with Mom, the book-lover that I called my brother, the clock reminding me of the time of the crash. It was around 5:30pm when last saw them all eager and happy. The last time I saw them walk through the front door after work and school. And that's when Round 2 of sobbing starts.

After I'm done with that round, I realize that I need to do something that distracts me from everything. I'm afraid I will have a meltdown if I stay here all day. I look over at the time again. 6:04 am. I get up and walk down the stairs as quietly as I can, trying not to wake Tori up. But once I get downstairs, I see a figure sitting down on the couch very still. I walk over to it and see Tori sitting there, with tears silently streaming down her face. She looks at me and immediately I feel a tear drop from my face. I feel Tori's arms go around me. I wrap mine around her a second later and we both hold each other while we cry.

Once we are both done for crying at the moment I know that I can't be here. I can't do this all day. I get up without a word and walk into the kitchen where I know a clock is. It's only 6:15. _Only_ _6:15. _I walk back to the living room and sit down next to Tori. She turns to me with a tiny smile. "Happy Birthday," she whispers. I feel the familiar sensation of tears burning in my eyes. "What time was it when you checked Bea?" "6:15. It's probably 6:20 now though," I whisper back. She nods and says," I don't want to do this to you, but they couldn't find another substitute for me today. I have to go to the school. Will you be okay here alone?" I know I wouldn't be okay here with Tori. But now that she is going to be gone, I have no clue what I will do. I was going to ask if we could get out of the house, but that is not an option now. I guess I only have one more thing that I can think to do. "I'm going to school too."

_great_Her eyes shoot the widest I think I've ever seen them. "I don't know if that's a good idea Tris…" she trails off. I start to cry again. I know it's not a good idea. But I can't stay here. "Why do you want to go to school today?" I hear her ask me. I start sobbing. In between sobs I manage to get out the reason. "I can't do this anymore Tori! I can't stay here! Everything reminds me of them. _Everything_!" She embraces me and I repeatedly keep whispering, "I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I can't do it."

After a while I stop sobbing and I sit back up straight. Tori nods and says, "You can go if you feel that you absolutely need to. But I'm not going to say that it is a good idea. It's up to you." "I want to go Tori." "Ok. Then get upstairs and start getting ready."

I get up off the couch and start getting ready as if it was a normal day. I get dressed in black jeans and a black burn through long sleeve shirt. I put my hair in a ponytail and go back downstairs. I go and sit back down on the couch because Tori isn't down here yet. I walk into the kitchen and see that it is 7:13. Maybe I can convince Tori to go early. She usually has to be there early anyways, so maybe I can just hang out in the art room while I wait.

I hear footsteps coming down the stairs. I look up and see Tori ready to go. She still has to eat breakfast first, but other than that she is all good. She walks into the kitchen and gets a bowl and some cereal out. "Sorry. I don't feel like making a meal today." "That's ok. I already ate some apple." I wince as soon as I say it. That was a lie. She turns to me, looking suspicious, but she must just let it go. "Ok. Do you need a ride today?" "Ya. Actually, I was wondering if I could go with you early today and just sit in the art room until everyone else starts showing up." She looks at me and takes a deep breath through her nose. She pours her cereal out and I think she is going to ignore me until she says, "Sure. That's fine."

I breathe a sigh of relief and go out and sit on the couch. I pull my phone from my pocket and start trying to get different settings set that I didn't like before. Although I am not really paying attention to it, I still manage to get to the settings and change some of them. I'm not sure which ones I changed, but I guess I'll figure it out sooner or later. I get up and put my phone back into my pocket. I go back upstairs just to burn some time.

I walk into my room and go to the bathroom. I look into the mirror. I know it's selfish, but I need to see if my dye is still in. I never redid it this morning. Instead I find a girl that I barely recognize. I find a pale girl with deep purple bags under her eyes. With fake black hair that falls down next to her face that makes the bags look an even deeper purple. An ugly, disgusting 16-no-17 year old girl. I look away. My dye is in. That's all that I care about.

I walk out of the bathroom and my room, down the stairs, and to the front door. I slip on my shoes and grab my book bag. I open up the door and sit down on the porch. I take a breath of fresh air and close my eyes. I will not let myself think about today. Just keep pushing through until it's over. I hear the door open and know it is Tori. I stand up and brush myself off and hear Tori ask me, "Are you ready?" I nod my head and go over to her car. I get in and glance over at Four's house. I don't see him, probably because he is inside getting ready. I hear Tori get in and I look forward.

We drive in a silence. Neither an awkward or peaceful one. More like a grieving silence that they have at funerals. I have been to one funeral. My family's. All I gathered from it was that I do not EVER want to go to another one.

We we reach the school and I get out right away. I walk over to the art building outside and wait for Tori to unlock it before going in. Once she does, I walk over to a stool and plop myself down on it. I get out homework that I never got to do last night and start working on it. Once I finish, I put it away. Not a minute later does the bell go off, signaling that it's time to start the day. I put my book bag on and wave bye to Tori before heading out to my locker.

Not too many thoughts are in my head. I'm not letting myself think. If I do, it could only lead to a potential break down. So I keep my head down until I reach my locker. I open it then put my book bag in. I reach to the top part of my locker to grab one of my books for next hour. As I am reaching I feel a pair of hands wrap around my waist. But they aren't Four's hands. They are rougher, more possessive-. And that's where my thoughts start swarming my head again. There can only be one pair of hands that feel like this. "Hey Bea. I told you I'd find you. Why'd you try to runaway from me?" Eric.

My breath catches in my throat and I turn around. There he is. With the same pierced face and the same smirk. Nothing has changed...well, except for his eyes. They are colder and harsher before. I didn't even know it was possible for his eyes to become any harder than they already were.

I start to hyperventilate, looking around for anyone to help me. "What are you looking for b****? You should be looking at me. Me and only _me. _You got that?" I don't turn my head to look at him, still searching for help. But it seems that most people have already headed to their classes. It is only me and him. Me and Eric. The boy who beat me, raped me, and cut me.

I feel his hands come off my waist and a sigh of relief barely comes before the slap does. I'm used to this still, even after 2 years, so I don't feel anything. Finally I can form a coherent question. "Why are you here?" I whisper. Goosebumps run around my whole body when I hear him chuckle. "Didn't I already tell you? I'm starting here. At whatever school this is. I was willing to leave behind my life in Ohio so I could come find you." He speaks in a threatening, possessive, angry tone. It's never good when those three things mix together. Especially with Eric.

But he's not done. He keeps on talking, obviously trying to push me to my breaking point. "You know, I realized that you weren't awake for most of our little _fun, _a couple of years ago. I think we should do it again. Don't you think?" My face immediately pales at his statement. I start hyperventilating even more now and desperately try to get away from him, pushing his arms back with what little strength I can muster up right at the moment. Then I see him. Four. I don't know what he's in the hallway for, but I don't really care right now.

I catch his eye and he just looks at me kind of confused. Eric must know I've found someone because he turns around. What I see next makes me want to pass out. Eric is smiling. "Hey Four. Long time no see." "Hey man. How you doin?" They give each other a slap on the back. My eyes widen.

"So I take it you've met Tris already?" Four asks. Eric turns and looks at me. "Ya I have. Such a good girl. I think she and I are going to be _great _friends_._" I gag. "You see Tris, Four and I know each other from way back when. Met at a summer camp. Instant buddies. Ever since we were 9." No. I can't believe what I'm hearing! This can't be trueI step back so my back is shoved against my locker and I can't move back anymore. Four steps towards me. "Tris, are you okay?" "Ju-just st-stay away f-from me."

I grab my book bag and I run. Out of the hallway, out of the front doors, out of the school grounds. I run and run until I get home. I open the door and run to my room. I throw myself on my bed and start sobbing_._ This can't be happening to me. Why must everything in my life seem good for a little bit until it all comes crashing down on me. It must be Karma's idea of a birthday party. _"And now for the party guests. Well, let's invite the man who took her virginity illegally, beat her, cut her, and caused her to try and overdose! Great idea! Oh, here comes Tris! SURPRISE!"_

I sob and sob until I eventually cry myself to sleep.

* * *

I wake up with a start. No. No, no, no. Please let that have been a dream. Please. _Please._ I start sobbing. Of course it wasn't a dream. Was it? It probably wasn't. Of course it wasn't. It was just me and my crappy life. Has Karma had enough of her fun yet? Hasn't she done enough to me? Apparently not. I guess I deserve it. After everything I've done...come to think of it, I really do deserve all of this and more. I don't want this to be true. Not at all. But I've never had a nightmare so real before. Has it really come to the point where I'm not able to tell between the fine lines of reality and dreams? Apparently so.

I get up and go to the bathroom. I shut the door and lock it, for good measures. I sit in a ball on the floor, trying as hard as I can to tell whether or not that was a dream. I feel tears stream down my face. _It must be real. I can't think of anything that says otherwise._ I start sobbing again. But this time, it only lasts a couple of minutes before I collect myself enough to eye the razor sitting in the shower. It is so tempting, so I don't try to fight it. I have no fight left.

I stand up and shakily grab the razor. I walk over to the sink and raise my wrist above it. I bring the razor down and cut it 4 times. One for Eric. One for Eric already having his mind set on quite possibly raping me. Again. One for Four and Eric being friends. And one more for thinking that my life could ever be okay. I bring my other wrist up. One for being responsible for my family's deaths. One for my selfishness. One for ugliness. And one more for the pain I deserve.

I look down at my wrists. They are dripping blood that is slowly running down the sink drain. I watch it for a little bit before I turn the water on and rinse the blood completely down. I rinse my wrists off and hold them under the freezing water until they stop bleeding. Once they do, I turn the water off and dry my hands on the towel. I check the bathroom for any blood droplets that may have leaked elsewhere, then leave the bathroom to my room.

I crawl back into bed and hear a ding coming from my phone. _"No. Not tonight,"_ I think to myself. But I grab it anyways. My curiosity getting the better of me. Of course. It's from Four.

**_Hey are you ok? I heard you scream._**

He heard me scream? In my sleep? Well Ya. Probably. Out of everything that has happened to me today, I wouldn't be surprised if I screamed. I plan to ignore him, but somehow when I mean to shut the screen off, I accidentally type a letter. I backspace it quickly, hoping he didn't see that I started typing. I really don't want to talk to him. Not after what happened. But pretty soon, I hear the next expected ding, and read the text.

**_Ok. Now I know you are just ignoring me. What happened?_**

A little bit of anger rushes through me. Of course I'm ignoring him! Didn't I tell him to stay away!? Didn't he hear me!?

_Didn't I tell you to just stay away from me?_

Well, if he doesn't get it at this point, I may as well just ignore him completely, like what my original plan was to do.

_**Wait. What? When did you tell me that?**_

I roll my eyes. Is he really doing this?

_Don't play dumb. You know what I'm talking about._

**_No, actually. I don't. I am very confused._**

_You shouldn't be. You should know exactly why I tried to ignore you._

**_Well I am. I have no clue why you tried to ignore me. Did I do something wrong?_**

Did he do something wrong? Now he is seriously pissing me off.

_Of course you did something wrong! Does the name Eric ring any bells?_

_**All I know about Eric is that you said he brought back bad memories and I said I wouldn't ask you about it again. You said you might tell me about him someday, but it's hard to open up. That's all I know. Should I know more?**_

Ok, now I'm confused. He is either playing dumb really well...or he is telling the truth and has no idea what I'm talking about. Let me think. The conversation he mentioned was yesterday morning. Or...was it? I decide to drop another hint.

_Yes, probably. Unless you don't consider Eric your best buddy anymore._

**_Please tell me what is going on here Tris. I am confused. Even more than before. What do you mean 'best buddy'? And 'anymore'? I don't even know any Eric's. I don't know who told you what, but that's the truth._**

So he is telling the truth? But that doesn't make any sense... Now I am confused with Four. I sit there for about 2 minutes, thinking about how to respond to that. But pretty soon I hear another ding and look.

_**Do you feel like talking about this? I mean, actually talking. **_Why was he asking me that? Does he want to talk about this? I guess I want to also, but there really isn't a way to talk about it. Unless...oh. I see.

_I'll meet you down there._

I get out of bed and start to shiver. I never realized how cold it was until now. I probably should change into something warmer, but for now a thin long sleeved t-shirt and a pair of shorts are good for me. Before I walk out I check the time. 12:34 am._ Only 12:34 am._ This is going to be a long night.

I walk out of my room and go downstairs to the main hallway. I open up the door and walk in, sliding it closed behind me. It's become almost as automatic as the reach for the razor. It just changes from the razor reach, to the panel reach. I walk down the stairs and open up the door. Four isn't here yet. I walk over and plop down on the bean bag that is the closest to my door. In case I need to make an escape fast.

Within another minute or two I hear Four coming down the stairs. I stand up and make sure my wrists are completely covered. I never thought about that. What would he do if he found out about my cuts? Would he give me a lecture? Would he think I was weak? He once told me that I wasn't weak. That I was the strongest person he knew. But would that thought change if he knew that's how I released my pain?

He opens the door. He walks out but he keeps his distance from me; probably a good idea at this point. We stare at each other for a little bit, but then I break the state by looking to the ground. I bite my lip and grab my right elbow with my hand. I draw random circles with one of my toes. I could see the confusion in his eyes. What really happened today?

"Tris...I am very confused." I sigh. "Me too," I whisper. I look up at him out of the tops of my eyes. I see him staring right back at me. "So...how do we figure this out?" I hear Four ask me. And I honestly don't know. I need to figure out what really happened. I guess I'll start by asking him about Eric. "Do you know Eric?" I raise my head up. His eyebrows pinch together. "Eric...as in that guy from your past?" I nod my head. "No. Of course I don't Tris. What made you think I did?" I'm taken aback by his answer. It must show because he looks confused. He repeats the last question again. "What made you think I knew Eric?"

I trust Four. I trust him more than I probably should. If what he is saying is true, which I am 99% sure it is, I must have had a dream. A nightmare. Should I tell him the real reason I thought he knew him? I'm not sure. "No reason..." I wince as soon as I hear myself say it. Anyone could tell that was a lie. I sigh and sit down on a bean bag.

Pretty soon I hear Four walking towards me. Then he stops. He is standing right to the side of me. I glance up at him. He is staring back down at me. I see a confused and concerned expression on his face. "Please tell me Tris. The truth." I take a deep breath and bite my lip. I turn my head away and see a piece of hair fall in front of my face. Eager for a distraction I start wrapping and unwrapping it around my finger. Take a breath. Wrap. Release a breath. Unwrap. It goes on for a couple of minutes before I hear Four sigh and squat down next to me. "Something is bothering you Tris. Why did you think I knew Eric?"

I don't reply. I don't know how to explain it. I mean, I guess I know how to explain why I thought he knew Eric, but what I can't explain is how I couldn't tell it was a nightmare. Because even if I dug through every thought I've had since I woke up, I still wouldn't know why. So I shrug.

"Tris. Look at me." I don't. I know he will force me to sometime soon, but I will let him decide when. But for now, breathe, wrap, exhale, unwrap. In that order. He stands up and walks away. Within seconds he is back with another bean bag chair and lays it next to mine, plopping himself down on it. Looks like we might be here for awhile. He reaches over and takes the piece of hair from my fingers, tucking it behind my ear. Now not having a distraction I look down at my hands and start to twiddle my fingers. Then I see Four's hand on top of them.

I tense up a little, remembering the dream and for a second thinking that he is like Eric. Then I realize how ridiculous the idea is, relax, and still my fingers. Then I feel his other hand cupping the side of my face. He brings it to look at his and says, "Tris. You can trust me. I promise." "I know. And I do trust you. I just don't know how to explain how I didn't know it wasn't real." If he looked confused before, then it was nowhere as confused as he is now. "What do you mean you didn't know it wasn't real? Didn't know what wasn't real?"

I sigh and try to look down. For some reason, this time Four doesn't try to stop me. His hand is still cupping the side of my face, but I am looking down at the ground. It will be easier to say it to him without making eye contact. Maybe that's why he let me look down. Because he knew that it might be the only way for me to say something. To open up to him. Whatever he was thinking, it worked because the next thing I knew I was telling him everything. Well, mostly everything.

"I had a dream. I went to school like normal only to figure out that Eric was enrolling there. Then he started threatening me and you walked in. You and Eric turned out to be 'best friends' and I just ran. Then when I woke up..." I sigh. Four finishes the sentence for me. "You couldn't tell if it was real or not." "Exactly. I am so sorry Four. I should've thought harder about it. I'm sure there were clues all around that said the dream wasn't real. I'm sorry I took it out on you. It was wrong of me. I was being stupid and self-" He tilts me head back up and kisses me. It takes me a second, but I kiss him back. "Tris it's fine. Don't worry about it. We've got it figured out now. Right?" I nod. "Right," I whisper.

I raise my hand to the hand that is still cradling the side of my face and squeeze it gently. He turns his hand and links our fingers together. I lay my head down on the bean bag and close my eyes for a moment. I know it will be the only peace I have for the rest of today. He squeezes my hand once more then lets go. I feel his arm slip under my head and bring me to his chest. I move my head so it lays on the inside of his elbow and place one of my hands on his chest. I feel him bring his other arm up to my hair and start running his fingers through it.

The whole thing makes me drowsy, but I don't let myself fall asleep. I want to cherish this moment and remember it. So I allow myself to relax completely. When I do, I feel my entire body release it's tension and my legs, arms, and shoulders droop closer to the ground. I move my head from Four's arm and place it on his chest, right over where his heart should be. I still feel him running his fingers through my hair but also feel his other free arm wrap around my waist. I open my eyes and wrap my arms loosely around his neck. I move my head to look up at him. He looks back at me and leans down to kiss my forehead. I close my eyes and smile a small smile. Once he moves his lips off my forehead, I give him a short and gentle kiss on his lips. After that, I move my head back down to his chest and listen to his heartbeat. _Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump. _

We sit there like that for at least 10 minutes, then I feel Four stop moving his fingers. I hear him say, "Trust me when I say I want to stay like this for forever. But it is probably really late." Without opening my eyes or moving I say, "Ya. You're probably right." His chest rumbles as I hear him chuckle. Probably at me. His fingers start moving through my hair again and I'm afraid that I really will fall asleep if we stay like this for too much longer. So I open my eyes just in case I would. I don't want to face another nightmare right now. Not in front of him.

We sit here for about another five minutes before Four starts to release me. I move back and sit up. He does the same, but unlike me he stands up. He reaches his hand down and I grab it. He pulls me up to my feet quickly, but softly. He smiles at me and says, "So...we're okay then...right?" I laugh softly at him. "Of course we are. I'm sorry I ever doubted you." He smiles again and leans down to kiss me. And just like the other couple kisses we have had, it is soft and gentle. We kiss until we both need to pull back for air. "Well that's good, because I would've missed being able to kiss you," he says with a small wink. I laugh and say, "You're still an idiot. But if it makes you feel any better, I would've missed it too."

It's true. What I said. Only Four can make my emotions go on an upside-down roller coaster that constantly runs off its tracks. Only he can make me admit to things that I've only ever thought of in my head. Only he can make my stomach's butterflies go crazy whenever I see him. Only he can make me feel warm and bubbly and loved while he's kissing me. Only Four can make me _miss_ kissing him. Not Eric. Just Four. And I'm okay. I'm happy like that. I'm happy with him. I don't know if he knows it or not, but he can bring out the best in me. He helps me through anything and everything and I've only known him for a month. Whether it be an injury, a nightmare, an anger rampage, a panic attack, or even just a shoulder to cry on, he has always been there for me. And I don't think I can ever thank him enough for that.

"What's going on in that mind of yours?" I suddenly seem to snap awake, blinking a few times to pull myself out of my thoughts. His question still rings in my head. But instead of telling him exactly what I was thinking, I lean up and give him a peck on the lips. Then I gently put my arms around his neck and lean my head on his shoulder. His arms wrap around me without question and I smile a little bit. "Thank you," I whisper. "You've already said it Tris. You don't need to say it again." "You're wrong. I will never be able to say it enough. So...thank you." He chuckles and tightens his hold on me. By now I am standing on my tippy toes. I am so much shorter than him. It gets kind of annoying sometimes, but then again, I guess it's not too much of a height difference. Only 3-4 inches.

We only stand here for a minute or two before I (reluctantly) say, "I guess we should probably be going back upstairs now, shouldn't we." He laughs and I smile realizing that the last time we said something like that was about 10-20 minutes ago. "Ya. We probably should be." I step back and unwrap my arms from his neck. He does the same with my back and takes a step back as well. I walk over to my door silently while he does the same. It's not until we both reach the doors that we turn around to face each other. "Night Tris." "Night Four." I turn back again and make my way up the stairs.

Once I am upstairs in my room again I crawl back under the covers. I lay there for a little while, the grief of knowing what day it is making my spirits deflate little by little. I try to cheer myself up by thinking about what just happened, but it doesn't work. So before the grief can hit me completely, I close my eyes. I want to go to sleep as early as possible so maybe the nightmares won't be as bad. The time I spent with Four down there was great, but I can only hope it's enough to chase some of the more terrifying nightmares away. That's my last thought before I feel myself drifting away.

* * *

_I'm in the car. "Only about 20 more minutes!" I hear dad say to no one in particular. No. Not again. I can't keep going through this every night. Instead of looking for the reckless car that changed my life, I yell at dad to pull over. But he doesn't listen. In fact, it's like he can't hear me at all. This has never happened before. "Dad! Please stop!" But there is still no reaction. _

_I look around. My heart starts to beat faster and faster until it feels like it will just fly right out of my chest. I'm not in the same seat. I'm squished in the middle seat between Caleb and…me. The real me on the 28th. I am like a ghost. No one can see or hear me. I'm going to have to watch the whole thing. I reach for Caleb's hand, but it falls right through his. I'm literally living in a memory. _

_Then I see it. I see the car. I try to squeeze my eyes shut, but they're glued open. Then as the car gets closer, it seems like everything happens in slow motion. As it is only feet away from hitting us, I see the driver. And I swear, everything stops. It can't be. It can't be him. Please God, don't let it be him. Don't let it be Eric. At least, don't let it be him for real. Please._

_Then everything speeds up again. I hear the crushing of metal, the loud 'pop' noise of the air bags being ejected, and my mother's screams. I start crying. I've never seen what really happened. And now I have a first class seat. Pretty soon, after minutes of silence, I see myself wake up. I see me crawl slowly to Caleb, dad, and finally start sobbing. "Caleb! Dad! Wake up!" I start sobbing myself as I see myself crying and finally spot my mom. The real me crawls out to mom and I crawl out too, but keep a safe distance so I don't have to hear the conversation again. I see the necklace being given and see the light leave mom's eyes again. I fall to my knees, unable to hold all the grief. _

_Soon I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up quickly to find mom standing there bloody and undead. But how is she here? I just watched her die. "There's my Beatrice." I get up and throw my arms around her. I don't care if she isn't real. All I need is to hug her one last time. Even if it's all fake. I feel the comfort of her arms around me for the first time in years and I start to cry again. But all too soon she pulls back. She starts walking away and I get confused. I follow her, but stop when I see her changing from behind. When she turns around, she is no longer my mom. But instead has morphed into Eric. _

_I stumble back a few steps. But other than that movement, I am frozen to the spot. I can't move. "You do know this is your fault right? All of this," he says, motioning towards the crashed cars. He takes a few steps toward me. I try to step back, but it's not working. "You should be ashamed." He takes one more step forward then slaps me. Hard. But I still can't move. "You know, I actually liked your family. They were good people. Selfless, brave, strong, popular. Everything you weren't." He sticks his arms out and shoves me down on the ground. I'm not frozen anymore. Just scared. Very scared. _

_He takes a couple of steps toward me. I scramble to my feet and start running. It's not long before I hear Eric come after me. I keep running, but Eric is much faster than me and catches me before I can even run for a full 15 seconds. He grabs me by the waist and kicks my legs out from underneath me. I fall to the ground and the breath is knocked out of me. He gets on top of me and suddenly feel his hands clenched around my neck. I can't breathe. _

_I claw at his hands but it doesn't make a difference. If anything, his hands clench tighter. I start to see black spots and try to get out of his firm grip. He snarls and says, "Stop fighting it Bea. It would be better for everybody if you were dead." His words hit me like a bomb. I stop moving all at once. As my vision is being covered in black, I hear him laughing. I close my eyes, giving into the blackness._

* * *

I wake up gasping and immediately my hands fly to my neck. There aren't any large, groping, rough hands there. Only mine. No one else's. Just mine.

I take deep breaths, trying to calm down. It wasn't real. Eric wasn't in that car. I know he wasn't. He'd be dead if he was. I remember that the police told me who was in the car. It wasn't Eric. Who was it again? I think it was something like Aaron Echolls.** (If you get this reference I officially LoVe you! (If you also got the LoVe thing...you're even better!)) ** But I can't be sure. My mind wasn't working quite right at the time.

Pretty soon I am calmed down and lay back down. But I'm not going to sleep. At least, not for a while. I look at the clock. Its 4 am. Only a couple of hours to go. Unless I just get up. I can go downstairs and watch TV on the couch if I wanted to. But I am honestly scared. If I get up and Tori is in the couch like she was in my dream...what would it mean for me? I try to erase the thought from my mind. It wasn't real. Nothing in it was real.

I crawl out of bed, bringing one of the throw blankets with me. I open the door of my room and quietly go downstairs. I walk over to the living room slowly, almost dreading it. I know it's silly, but can you really blame me?

Once I see that no one is on the couch, I breathe a sigh of relief. I sit down on the couch and wrap the blanket around me. I bring my knees up to my chest and just sit there in the dark for a few minutes. I'm really tired, but I won't let myself fall asleep.

After a while, I realize that I brought my phone down with me unknowingly. I must have grabbed it subconsciously right before I headed down here. I turn it on and am debating what to do with it. I heard the blue light makes you avoid sleep more. If that's true, it might help me get through the night. It's 4:15 now. I think of Four and then it hits me.

He is the only one to comfort me the way he does. Even when I am texting him, it brings comfort. It calms me. I click on the messaging app and go to Four and I's messages. I scroll to the top and start to read.

This lasts for another 10 minutes or so and by the time I'm done I have a smile on my face. Not a very big smile, but a smile that turns up the corners of my lips slightly. I turn the screen off and realize that I'm not as tired anymore. The blue light thing really is true then. I'll have to remember that.

I sit in the dark for a few more minutes. The couch is getting a little uncomfortable so I stand up and stretch for a little bit. After I'm done with that I start to feel sleepy again. Instead of fighting it, I wrap my blanket more securely around myself and head upstairs to my room. Once I get there, I open the door and crawl back into bed. The bed is warm and comfy and feels amazing right now. I pull the blankets over me and just stare at the ceiling. I feel the familiar sting of tears and feel one roll down my cheek before I can even try to stop it. I'm not sure why exactly I'm crying, but I'm guessing it had to do with my nightmare and the date. My birthday. My family's death day. Another year to celebrate that. Hooray.

I wipe the tears away that have slipped out with the back of my hand. I know more will cover my cheeks again in a few moments, but I can at least clear what I can. I turn on my side and close my eyes. I feel only a few tears slip out from my eyes. But I also feel myself slipping into sleep. I barely am able to wipe them off my cheeks again before I completely give into the sleep.

**Hey...so I told you it was long! It could've gone longer of course, but I don't think it would be too convenient for you guys to have to read all that. The next chapter will still be Tris' birthday. I have some good stuff planned. Trust me.;) So hopefully I can find enough time to update before I leave for vacation! Keep your fingers crossed! I can't make any promises though...it's partly why this chapter was so long. It might keep you guys from getting impatient for a longer period of time!;) But anyways...I hope you guys enjoyed it! Tell me what you thought of it? Were you fooled by her nightmare at the beginning? I hope you weren't completely fooled...at least I hope you were questioning how Four and Eric would even know each other!;) But until next time...THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR REVIEWS, FAVORITES, AND FOLLOWERS. IT MEANS A LOT! Bye!:):):)**


	19. Chapter 19

**So I know it's been at least a month and a half now. And I'm so so so sorry. But...I actually have a better excuse than I ever have before. Yes, you heard me right. Excuse. Not excuses. If you're interested in hearing it, you can read these next 2 paragraphs. If you just wanna read this chapter instead, then skip past them. It's up to you.**

**I play softball in the summer. Things were going great until about the 5th game of the season. I got done with the game and was shaking nonstop. I was dizzy, my vision was blurry, I was lightheaded...basically, I almost passed out. Now, that had never happened to me before. I ended up going to the ER. For those of you who don't know what that stands for, it's Emergency Room. They did lab work and it all turned out ok. So I got to go home. But...it hasn't stopped. I have felt like I had a really bad flu bug all week. I finally felt like doing something a couple of days ago, so I went to the church to help out with summer VBS. **

**That was a mistake. I started shaking again and could barely hold my own weight up. I almost had to call one of my friends to come help me walk to the car. It seemed so far away, when in reality, it was only about 10 feet away. Pathetic, I know. Then it happened again after my softball game on Monday night and my family, my teammates mom's and dad's, and my best friends saw me cry...I hate it. I hate what I have now. I've had so much lab work done, but they can't find anything. It kind of frustrates me because I want to know what is going on. But on the bright side, I'm taking medication now. It's helped a little bit...the effects don't last as long. And my team also won the championship! But that's the reason I haven't been updating. It's really hard for me to concentrate for a few days after one of my 'episodes'. I know I said a month, but I hope that you can forgive me?:/**

**I also have a job now. Another reason I might not update as often. Also, I'm getting my wisdom teeth out on Monday so...:(**

**Yes. I know the spacing is all weird. And I'm really sorry. I literally fixed it all then slipped up and accidentally went back a page. Twice. I want to update as soon as possible. So sorry about that.**

**Ok. Disclaimer time now! **

**Disclaimer: I. Do. Not. Own. The. Divergent. Trilogy.**

**Chapter 19**

**Tris' POV**

I wake up with a start. Just like I have all night. I've had at least 3 more nightmares in the short time span between 4:15am and-what time is it? I look over to the side. 8:30am. I don't even remember what the last three were about to be honest. There are only two that I truly remember; one of them being where I was foolish enough to think that Four knew an Eric and the other being the one where Mom morphed into Eric and strangled me. The others are kind of a blur, but I know one thing for sure about all of them; they were either about my family dying or about Eric hurting me in some way, shape, or form.

I hear a knock on my door. The door opens and I see Tori walk through it. She stands by the door and stares at me. I stare right back, unspoken words being said with our eyes.

After a couple of minutes of this, Tori walks up to me and sits down on the edge of the bed.

Happy birthday," she whispers.

I feel the tears burning my eyes before they start flowing.

"Oh Bea," she says brokenly.

Her arms wrap around me and I feel a few of her tears drop onto my shoulder. I finally allow myself to start crying. I let out a sob and wrap my arms around Tori as well. We cry for a few minutes before we both seem to get ahold of ourselves. Tori pulls back first and looks like she wants to say something, but doesn't know what.

"Why me, Tori? Why us?"

The question that has been haunting me for years has finally slipped out of my mouth, my voice cracking in the middle of it. Tori just shakes her head.

"I don't know, Bea...I don't know. The universe can be pretty cruel."

You're telling me, Tori. The one who was bullied and beat by her own classmates. The one who was raped by her 'loving' boyfriend. The one who had to watch my mother's eyes get the life sucked out of them. The one whose friends all turned against her. The one who has nightmares almost every night.

Of course, Tori doesn't know hardly any of this. She only knows about the bullying and my friends turning against me part. She doesn't know how bad the nightmares get. She doesn't know what mom's last words were. She doesn't know that part of the reason why it was so hard for me to let anyone in was because I was raped. Sometimes it kills me not to tell her these things. Other times, I'm grateful I haven't. I'm not sure how she would take it.

Instead of saying all these things, I just nod my head and look down.

"I know," I whisper.

We sit in silence for a few minutes when I hear my phone ding. Tori and I both look at it. She raises an eyebrow and nods towards it, silently telling me to look at it. I sigh and pick it up. It's a text message...from Four. I sigh again and unlock my phone to read it.

_**Why aren't you here today? I thought you said you were coming.**_

When I look up again, Tori is looking at me.

"Well?" she asks.

I hand her the phone. She reads it and looks up to me.

"Well...what are you going to say?"

"Nothing."

Her eyes show disappointment.

"What do you expect me to say Tori!? That I didn't go to school today because it's my family's 2 year death anniversary!? That I didn't go because I'm a freaking mess?!" I yell with tears in my eyes.

Guilt rushes through me and I calm myself down.

"I mean, look at me Tori. Really look at me. What do you see? I see a broken, screwed up, little girl, who doesn't know what to do with her life anymore," I say, my voice cracking every so often.

Tori's hands brush my hair back and she smiles sadly at me.

"You want to know what I see?"

I stare at her, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I see a strong, brave, and selfless young girl who has so many opportunities in her life. I see a girl with potential. I see a girl who has so many reasons not to be depressed. I see..."

She pauses for a moment and her fingers caress my face.

"A beautiful young woman who doesn't know how deep her beauty really goes. And I see a wonderful future for this woman."

"What do you mean by 'wonderful future'?"

"I mean...I see you being very successful and maybe even having a family of your own someday."

I laugh and shake my head. I feel a tear slip out of my eye.

"Tori...I don't even know where to start."

"I have some ideas," she says and looks to the phone that she still has in her hand.

I bite my lip as more tears run down.

"Tori. We've only been dating for a day and a half..."

"But have you ever thought about dating him before it happened?"

I have before...but I always stopped myself before I got too carried away.

"Yes..."

"And for how long?"

I feel myself blush.

"Since I met him..."

"I'm not saying that he's the one Bea. But I do have a good feeling about it. I mean, have you ever seen any girls who aren't sluts think about dating a guy the first time they meet them? Simple answer: they don't."

"Tori, how can you think that he's the one after only knowing him for a couple of weeks?"

"Like I said, he might not be the one, but it doesn't mean that he isn't. Who knows? It could happen. But my point is, I think he will be the one to teach you how to love again."

I look down. I can't think of anything to say. After a few minutes of silence, I finally say something.

"Don't you think this is getting a bit cheesy, Tori?"

"No. No I don't."

I look up. Her face shows confidence and finality, along with compassion and love. I start sobbing again before I can help myself.

"I don't know what to do!"

"What don't you know?"

"I-I don't know. All of this..."

I wave my arms around me.

"It's just all so new! I'm not used to this! I'm not used to having friends who care! I'm not used to not being bullied! I'm not used to a boyfriend who makes me smile every time I'm with him!"

Tori frowns.

"What about Eric?"

I wince at the name and shake my head.

"There's some things you don't know about Eric."

"Like what?"

I shake my head again.

"I don't want to tell you."

Her eyes show hurt and I feel guilt rush through me.

"Listen, Tori. I didn't mean it like that. There's just some things that I would rather keep to myself."

She nods and leans over to kiss my forehead. I feel tears gather up in my eyes.

"Does anyone else know besides you?"

I hesitate for a second. "No."

A few minutes pass.

"I'm just going to go downstairs, ok?"

I nod. We both need our space. She leaves my room and I start to cry. I cry for who knows how long before the tears finally stop.

I look over to the clock again. It's 9:30. This is going to be a long day. I roll out of bed and slowly walk around my room. I end up at the piano and stand there, just looking at it, remembering the fun lessons I once had with mom. Tears leak out of my eyes again, but I don't acknowledge them. Instead, memories are flying through my head at what seems like several miles per hour. When mom taught me my first song, my first note, my first duet, my first sight read, and the list goes on.

I collapse on the floor and close my eyes, letting myself get lost in a memory.

_~Flashback~_

_"Mom! Can I play a song for you and Caleb and Dad?!"_

_"Sure honey! Let me just get everybody rounded up. Caleb will be the hardest I think. He's got his nose stuck in another book."_

_I giggle. "Why does Caleb like reading so much?"_

_She smiles. "Everybody has their own hobby. I guess reading is your brother's."_

_"Playing the piano is mine."_

_"And it's a great hobby. You're very good at it too."_

_"Thanks mom."_

_"You're welcome sweetie. Now, let me get the boys. You can look over your music one more time before we come in here."_

_"Ok!"_

_She walks out to go get the boys and I quickly scan the sheet music again. I read it a few times, making sure I wasn't going to make mistakes. I hear footsteps walking towards me and turn around. _

_"Well I hope this is better than my book. It's gonna be pretty tough to beat though Bea..." Caleb says. _

_He winks at me as I stick my tongue out at him._

_"Ok kids. Stop. Let's hear this Bea. I'm sure it's going to be as good as your brother's book," Dad says._

_"I said 'better than my book'."_

_"Caleb."_

_"I'm just stating a fact Dad!" _

_I start to laugh._

_"Andrew! Caleb!" _

_My mother's voice is filled with laughter._

_"Please be quiet now! Bea didn't ask us to come down here for nothing!"_

_"Ok, ok!" they both say._

_I giggle one more time. _

_"Ok Bea. I think we're ready to hear it now."_

_"Ok!"_

_I turn back around and take a deep breath. I start to play from the beginning and the beautiful tune of 'The River Flows In You' fills the room. Once I'm done I turn back around to face them. _

_Dad starts clapping. "Very good Beatrice. You're very good at this!"_

_"Ok...so maybe it was just a little bit better than my book."_

_I fake glare at him. He holds his hands up and says, "Ok, ok! So it was a lot better! Happy now?" _

_"Very, actually."_

_"It was beautiful Bea. Excellent job,"_

_Mom says._

_"You're the one who taught me everything!"_

_"I haven't been helping you at all for the past month while you worked on this song. And you played through with no mistakes. It was amazing."_

_I blush at the praise. "Thank you. Everybody, I mean."_

_"You're welcome," they all say. _

_I laugh and stand up. "Hey Caleb! Catch me if you can!"_

_"Oh, it's on!_

_I run out the door and around to the backyard, hearing his footsteps chase me in hot pursuit._

_~End of Flashback~_

I open my eyes again and silently cry. I reach to the shelf that holds my pictures and grab the one of me and Caleb from Paris. Even though Caleb was two years older than me, he was still just as childish.

I hug the picture to my chest and hear tears drop onto the metal frame. I hold it in my lap and stare at the picture for a long time. We were so carefree, so happy, so relaxed. Life was so much simpler 2 years ago. If only it was like that now. I close my eyes as more tears drop down onto it.

I think that out of my whole family, I miss Caleb most. Even more so than mom. If he had lived, then we would both be getting through this together. I wouldn't be as depressed. We would go to the same school together and he would be making his own nerd friends. I would be talking to everyone, not just Four and Tori. Caleb would be overprotective of me and would have to talk to Four several times to make sure he wouldn't hurt me like Eric did.

Yes, I lied to Tori. I have told someone about Eric. I didn't voluntarily tell him, but he asked me about why I'd been acting so different lately. So I spilled. I told him everything.

_~Flashback~_

_"Caleb, Beatrice! Your father and I are going to go to a meeting! We will be back in about 3 hours, okay?!"_

_"Okay," I hear Caleb yell back._

_I don't say anything. Caleb already said ok anyways. _

_"Bye guys!"_

_"Bye!"_

_Caleb again. I hear the front door shut and soon after, hear footsteps coming up the stairs. _

_I hear knocking on my door and know it's Caleb. _

_"What?" I mumble._

_"Can I come in?"_

_"I don't see why not," I mumble again, just loud enough for him to hear me. _

_My door opens and I hear Caleb say, "What's up Bea?"_

_"Nothing, really."_

_"Have you been working on piano at all? Any songs you want me to hear?"_

_"No. Not really."_

_"Ok. I'm done with this. What the hell is up with you lately?!"_

_My eyes widen and I snap my head up to look him in the eye. I've only heard him curse a handful of times. It still takes me by surprise every time he does. _

_"Ya, I knew that would get your attention."_

_"Why would you want my attention?"_

_"I don't know, maybe because I'm talking to you?"_

_"Whatever," I quietly mumble. _

_"Beatrice Prior! What the hell is wrong?!"_

_I wanted to brush this off as well, but he sounded desperate. Concerned. So I ask him a question in return._

_"Why would you think there was anything wrong?"_

_"Because you're my sister! I know something happened Bea! I swear I won't tell anyone else! Not even mom or dad! You're not like your normal self! I love you Bea! It scares me to see you like this!"_

_Tears fill my eyes. Caleb quickly rushes over and hugs me. _

_"I'm sorry Caleb! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I sob._

_After a few minutes, I calm down and start telling Caleb everything. Once I'm done, he looks furious. _

_"I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch! After I'm done with him he won't be able to take two steps without crying! That son of a-"_

_"Caleb please don't!"_

_"Why not Bea?! He deserves it!"_

_"I'm not saying he doesn't. I just don't want everyone to know about this..."_

_"That's not all. What else?"_

_"I also don't want Eric to know that he won. I don't want to seem weak. I don't want sympathy. You know I hate that."_

_He lets out a long breath. _

_"Please Cal...please."_

_"The only reason he will be walking at all will be because you asked me to let him."_

_"Thank you."_

_He stares at me for another moment before I am swept up in his arms again. I squeeze my eyes shut as a couple more tears trickle down my face. Caleb pulls back first and kisses me on my forehead._

_"I love you, okay? Don't ever forget that. And if you ever need someone to talk to...about anything...I'm here okay? I always will be. I promise."_

_~End of Flashback~_

I start to sob. He didn't keep his promise. But it's not like he had a choice. Let me rephrase it. He couldn't keep his promise. But he sure as hell kept it until the very last minute of his life.

"I love you Caleb," I whisper, even though I know he can't hear me.

I suddenly feel the urge to go and visit him. But the only place that would happen would be back in Haviland, Ohio. Which isn't too far away I suppose.

I calm down and slowly stand up. I move the picture of Caleb and I to my nightstand. I check the time. It's already 11:00. Thank goodness. Maybe it'll go by faster than I thought.

"Hey Bea? Can I come in?"

It's Tori. "Sure."

Once she's in, I ask, "Can we go back to Haviland? To see them?"

I blurted it out without thinking. I sigh and shake my head at myself. I really need to learn how to control my thought and speech coordination.

She smiles. "I was actually thinking about that."

"You were?"

"Yes. You know how Haviland always had a big fair?"

"Yes..."

I think I know where this is going.

"What if we went then?"

"But Tori...that's like, in two weeks!"

"And your point is?"

"Well...umm..."

I'm not sure. I want to go, but I'm not sure I want to go that soon. Knowing that it will happen excites me. But so soon is kind of a shock.

"What about school?"

Tori raises an eyebrow. "Like you care about missing a few days of school."

"Ok maybe not...it's just...it kind of scares me, that's all."

"Why does it scare you?"

"It's Haviland, Tori. Why wouldn't it scare me? After all the things that town has put me through?"

"That may be true. But you're stronger now. You can see Haviland again. Besides, if you didn't want to at all, you wouldn't have asked me about it."

"I guess the sooner the better."

She's quiet for a moment.

"I also thought of around the fair time because of...well..."

"Caleb's birthday," I whisper, finishing her sentence for her.

"Ya..."

"I almost forgot about it until you mentioned it. I forgot it was in a couple of weeks. It seems so much further away than what it really is."

"I know the feeling."

"So is it settled? Are we going in two weeks?"

"I think so. But I think I want to do some stuff that you wouldn't want to be with me for. If you want, you can visit them while I do my own thing."

I frown. "I-I don't want to be alone..."

"And that brings me to the next subject."

She takes a deep breath. "What if you asked your friends to come with you?"

"What?!"

She sighs. "I shouldn't have expected any better reaction. But think about it. You could go to the fair together. If you see Hailey and Taylor you could prove that you have better friends. And an amazing boyfriend. Show them that you're better than them."

"But then I'd have to tell them about everything that's happened to me!"

"No you wouldn't. You could just simply say that you're inviting them to go to your hometown's fair. That you were going to go anyways, but wanted your friends to go with you."

"They wouldn't believe that."

Would they?

"Yes they would. And if they didn't, they wouldn't ask you about it. Would they?"

I thought about this for a moment.

"No...they probably wouldn't."

"Honestly Tris, if I had a great group of friends with a new girl in the group and she asked us to come with her to her hometown's fair, I'd see it as great bonding time. Also a fun time. And an excuse to skip school. I wouldn't find it suspicious at all. Would you?"

No. I wouldn't. I know Tori's right. But first I have to start talking to them. Maybe join in conversations at lunch.

"No."

"My point exactly."

"But I wouldn't want them all to come with me to visit them..."

"And there's the next subject."

"Oh boy."

"No, it's good. At least, I think it is."

"What is it?"

"What if Four came with you?"

I open my mouth to reject the idea when I realize that it's actually not a horrible idea.

"I could drop the others off at the fair and drive you two a couple of blocks away to visit them. You can introduce him. I know you'd want to. I mean, if he is the one-"

"Not this again To-"

"Shh. Let me finish."

I roll my eyes but let her continue.

"Like I was saying. If he is the one, then you would want to introduce him anyways. Better sooner rather than later. Just like if they were still with us."

I sigh. "I know. And that's a good idea. But what if Four thinks I'm weird? What if he doesn't want to?"

"Two things. One: Do you really believe that Four would think you're weird for visiting your family? Even if they were in a cemetery? And two: I know him well enough to know that he would do anything for you."

"Ok. So two things. One: I know. It was a stupid thought. And two: I'm not sure if he would do anything for me."

"Ask him."

"Really Tori?"

"I'm serious! Ask him what he would do for you!"

"Cause that's not weird at all."

"I'm just putting it out there."

We are silent for a couple of minutes.

"But Tris...what do you think about it?"

I've been thinking. I like Tori's plan. If I do happen to see Hailey and Taylor, it would be nice to have real friends as back up. And if I see Eric...well...I don't actually want to think about that. I don't want to be alone when visiting my family. And it wouldn't be a bad idea to introduce Four.

"I like it."

She smiles. "Then you better get to it! Soon!"

I even slightly smile. "I will Tori. Promise."

"Good."

Her smile slightly falls. "Are you hungry at all?"

That's why it fell. "No."

"Please eat something Bea..."

"Not today Tori. Please..."

She takes a deep breath and let's it out.

"You're lucky today is your birthday."

I smile a little bit again. "Thanks Tori."

"Like I said, you're luc-"

She's interrupted by a ferocious dinging coming from the nightstand. I groan. It's my phone. I stand up to get my phone and shut the damn thing off, but Tori beats me to it. She's smiling as she unlocks my phone and starts to read the texts out loud.

"From Christina: Oh my gosh! Tris, why aren't you here today! We asked Four if he knew since your neighbors and all, but he said he thought you were coming too and that he already texted you! Where are you?! Are you sick? Are you hurt? Oh please tell me you're not hurt! I sure-"

"Ok ok Tori! She can talk forever! I love her, but please move on!"

She smiles. "From Uriah: Where are you Trissypoo? I'm not saying this out loud, but I'm jealous you're not at school. I wish I wasn't in this hell hole."

I laugh a little bit. She continues.

"From Zeke: I'm the one who came up with the nickname Trissypoo. So all rights go to me. Anyways...WHERE ARE YOU?! Are you okay?!"

I smile. "I'm going to hurt both of them if they think about using that nickname permanently."

"From Marlene: Where are you Tris? We miss you!:("

Finally...shorter texts.

"From Shauna: Are you okay Tris? Are you sick? You haven't been replying!"

"It's literally only been 5 minutes!" I say laughing.

"From Lynn: A-"

"Thank goodness it's Lynn. This means short and sweet."

Tori rolls her eyes and continues. "From Lynn: Are you okay Tris?"

"Knew it!"

"From Will: Hey everyone is really worried about you. Please reply back to at least one of us. I don't care who."

Tori stops. "Tris. Reply back to at least one of them."

"Maybe. Continue please."

"Last one. It's from Four. You should read it."

"Why? What does it say?"

"I don't know. But I think you should read it."

"Ok, ok. Give me that."

I take the phone from her hand and read it.

**_"You're_**_**not avoiding me, are you?"**_

No! Why would he think I was avoiding him?! Unless he thought that I still haven't gotten over last night...but I said we were okay! I sigh and sit down on the edge of my bed and put my head in my hands.

"What is it?"

"He asked if I was avoiding him," I mumble.

"You aren't, are you?"

"No! You know why I'm here today!"

"I know! I meant in general."

"No. I'm not. I'm not the type to run away when things get hard."

"I didn't think you were. I was just making sure. But any reason why he would think you were avoiding him?"

"If I'm being completely honest, yes. I can think of something. But I thought it was taken care of last night."

Tori looks confused.

"It's a long story."

"Ok..."

She walks to the door. "I'm going to go back downstairs and I'm not going to force you to do anything. But I have to say, I would reply to Four if I were you. In fact, I'm just going to go explore Chicago for a few hours. Give you some peace and quiet. Time to think."

"You don't have to do that Tori."

"But I am. See you later Bea. I'll be back at around 5:00."

"That's 5 hours!"

"Chicago is a big city. I will probably go eat out, then do some shopping, and some sight-seeing...I can occupy myself. Don't worry."

I sigh. "Ok. Bye Tori."

"Bye Bea. See you later."

I hear her go downstairs and the front door shut. I flop back on my bed and let out a breath. I grab my phone. It's past lunch time at school. I suddenly hear another ding. It's from Four.

**_"Ok. I get it. I know there's not any way you haven't seen any of the texts we've sent you. I'll give you space if that's what you want. I'm sorry for whatever I did. I'll do whatever it takes to fix it, ok? I'd do anything for you."_**

So Tori guessed correctly. A couple tears stream down my face. No one except for Tori has really cared about me in a long time. My brain starts to play memories of Eric again. In about 5 minutes I start to sob. I sob for everything. For my family, for allowing Eric to hurt me, for being weak, for my life being a shit hole. Without the comfort of Tori here, I truly feel alone and empty. I shakily unlock my phone and text back with two simple words.

_"Call me."_

And I start to sob again.

**Yes. It's a short chapter. I know. Kill me. But I'm already halfway through Chapter 20 and I thought that this was a good place to leave off. PM me with any questions or ideas and I will reply as soon as I can. Ok? Ok! Until next time...which will be sooner than last time...see ya! Oh wait...can we get to 193 reviews guys? I know it's a lot to ask since I've been gone for so long...but I don't care as long as we try? You can literally say something as simple as "Good job" or "This sucked". Either way.;)**


	20. Chapter 20

**See? Told ya it wouldn't be long! Thanks so much guys for all the support!:) I've got my wisdom teeth out now! Thank goodness it's over with!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. Ha. Short. Just like my AN. Ya happy folks? But I promise you, this chapter is anything but short. Now are you happy? Good.**

**Chapter 20**

**Tris' POV**

It's been 30 minutes since I last texted Four and tears are still streaming down my face. It's well past 2 o'clock now. Did he ignore my message? Did I really screw everything up between us?

"You're so stupid Tris!" I yell and start sobbing again.

I wish Mom was here. Or even Dad. They'd know what to do. They'd know how to help. Even with Caleb being overprotective, he'd know this was important to me and would help. I miss them so much.

But it's my fault they're gone. I saw the car. I saw it and I didn't say anything until it was too late. I could've saved them. I could've helped them. I could've, at the very least, had saved Mom.

I should've let the paramedics through to begin with. I should've been the one to call 911. Not some bystander. They would've gotten there earlier. They might've saved them. And even if they didn't, I might have been able to live with myself a little more, knowing I did everything I possibly could.

Instead, I'm living with guilt. I've tried to kill myself because of it. I cut because of it. I didn't talk because of it. I thought, if I talked, I'd end up screwing someone else's life up. I've screwed Tori's up. I know that. Anybody who was watching us would know that.

She quit her job. She moved across states. She was the one to stop me from killing myself. She was the one to spend her days and most of her nights in the hospital with me after it happened. She's the one who encourages me everyday to keep going on. It makes me feel more guilty for cutting. For trying to commit suicide. For not eating. For not thanking her enough. For not loving her as much as I did Mom, Dad, and Caleb. I love her a lot, but she'll never be Mom. And she knows it too.

The guilt makes my feet much more heavy. I can barely stand myself up to walk everyday because of the guilt weighing down on me. It makes me want to collapse and just be done and never get back up I can't. I can't do that to Tori. I can't do that to Four. I can't do that to my friends. I can't do it. Eric would win. Hailey and Taylor would win. Haviland would win.

I'm scared to go back to Haviland. I really am. I know I'll see Hailey and Taylor at the fair. They always went to the fair everyday it was there, mostly just to look at the boys. They became good friends with Eric after what happened. They don't know he raped me. If they did, they never would've treated me like they did.

Yes. I hate them with a passion. They treated me like scum after my family died. But they never made fun of my family. They never joined Eric and physically hurt me. they actually liked my family. No, they aren't the best people in the world, but I do know that if they knew he raped me, they would've made sure he stayed away from me. And they would've backed away from him. They were the best at spreading rumors. They would spread one after another about Eric and they would back off from me. Probably never talk to me again, but wouldn't have hurt me anymore. I know them well enough to know that.

My thoughts are interrupted by a ringing coming from my phone. I try and stop my tears. It doesn't work but I hold my breath, trying to stop the sobbing. I answer it.

"Tris?"

I shakily whisper, "Hey Four."

"Where are you Tris? You said you were coming. Everyone's worried about you."

Is everyone there with him, listening to this call? Oh God. Please say no.

"Are they all with you right now?"

"No. I just got out of art. I realized Tori wasn't there either. Where are you guys?"

"Well...Tori's out exploring Chicago."

There's a moment of silence.

"And what about you?"

"Home," I whisper.

I wipe the tears the keep streaming down my face.

"Why are you at home?"

Because my family is dead. Because it's my fault they died. Because I can't take coming to school on this day. I start sobbing again.

"Tris!?"

I keep sobbing, unable to get any words out.

"Tris, listen. I'm coming over okay? It's free period anyways."

"Ok," I whisper, still crying.

"Is the front door unlocked?"

Tori always leaves it unlocked.

"Yes."

"Okay. I'll be there in about 10 minutes."

"Ok," I whisper again.

"Bye Tris."

And then he hangs up.

I roll over and cover myself up with blankets. I hug a pillow to my chest and sob into it.

_"They're_ _all dead. And it's your fault,"_ the voice in my head says.

Eric's voice rings through my head.

_"And just so you know, it was your fault that they died."_

_"You deserve it."_

_"I will find you Bea. Even if you leave this town, I will find you and when I do, you better hope that God is on your side."_

_"You said you loved me. Now prove it."_

_"You can't take it back."_

"It's all my fault..." I whisper.

I hear the front door open and shut. Four's here. Oh gosh. Why did I let him come here? I'm so stupid! My room door creaks open.

"Tris?"

I say nothing. I hear him come up behind me. I feel his hand on my shoulder. I stay still.

"Tris. Say something."

He sighs when I'm still silent a minute later. His hand comes off my shoulder and he walks around to the other side of the bed so he's facing me.

"What happened Tris?"

I look up and meet his eyes. What happened? Well let's see...my family is dead because of me, I was raped, beaten, and bullied. That's what happened.

I need to tell Four. I need to tell him everything. If I want him to come to Haviland with me, then he needs to know the real reason why we're going. But I don't even know where or how to start.

"Tris?"

"I don't even know where to start."

"What do you mean?"

I take a shaky breath. "I need to tell you some things."

"Are one of those 'things' the reason you stayed home today?"

I nod. He squats down and gently wipes some tears off my face. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before letting it back out. I feel him tuck my hair behind my ears and cup my cheek. I slowly open my eyes back up.

"You don't have to do this, Tris."

I lean into his hand.

"I need to."

He doesn't say anything after that for a minute.

"Are you sure?"

I nod. "Yes."

"Ok," he whispers.

I sit up and crawl out from under the covers. I scoot over on top of them and pat the space I made next to me, silently asking Four to lay with me. He gets it because he stands up and lays in the space beside me. I find his hand and lace my fingers with his. He squeezes my hand as I try and figure out the best way to start this conversation.

"Whenever you're ready, Tris. I'm not going anywhere."

I smile a bit. "Thank you," I whisper.

We sit here for another couple minutes before words slowly start falling out of my mouth.

"There's a reason I shut everybody out and don't tell people my birthday."

I know he already knew that, but he stays silent and nods. I'm thankful for his patience.

"I used to be a lot different. I was so...naive. Just a normal girl from a small town where everybody knew everybody. I had my two best friends and other friends. And...and a _sweet_ and _caring_ boyfriend."

It almost kills me to have those words spill out of my mouth. Even the two best friends part hurts.

I give a short laugh and roll my eyes, thinking of what I just said. I add, "You're a lot better, just so you know."

I hear Four chuckle a bit and I wait a moment before continuing.

"Then...I was harshly shown what reality was. That it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies, like the ones I'd been living around."

I fall silent, letting myself get lost in thoughts and memories. Bad memories.

He squeezes my hand. "I'm right here."

I relax a bit. I don't know how he always knows exactly what to say. It's beyond scientific explanation.

I take a deep breath. "It was when I was 14. There was a party. It was for me, although I don't even remember why. There were a bunch of people. It was suffocating. My-my boyfriend noticed that it was bothering me and asked me if I...if I wanted to get out there. I was so naive."

Four's hand tightens on mine and I feel him tense up.

"We went up to my room. He asked me if I loved him."

I laugh harshly. "I thought I knew what love was. And I thought I felt it. And being the naive girl I was, I told him I did love him. Big mistake on my part. He looked so evil after I said it...I tried to take it back. The only thing that accomplished was being thrown around and beaten like a rag doll. I was shocked at first. But I tried to fight back."

Tears leak out of my eyes and my free hand unconsciously flies to my stomach. I trace the scar from on top of my shirt.

"He brought out a knife and cut me. The longest and most painful one was here."

Four looks over at my hand on my stomach.

"So I stopped fighting. He told me I couldn't take back what I said and to prove that I loved him. I felt so helpless. He did it as I was just lying there, unmoving and weak. I passed out from the pain later."

I close my eyes and try to hold back the sobs.

"When I woke up, the party was over and he was gone. I shut myself out from any contact with anybody whatsoever for the next week. Well...at least until my brother asked what the hell was up with me."

More tears stream down my face as I chuckle a bit at the memory of Caleb losing it.

"It was Eric, wasn't it," Four asks quietly.

I open my eyes again and turn on my side to look at him. He's looking at the ceiling. I stay silent. He turns to finally look at me.

"Wasn't it?"

I close my eyes and nod.

"That son of a bitch. I'm going to kill him."

I smile and laugh half heartedly. I open my eyes. Four looks shocked by my reaction.

"Why'd you just laugh?!"

"You reacted just like Caleb," I whisper.

"Who's Caleb?"

"My brother," I whisper again.

"You told him?"

"Yes. Like I said, he asked what the hell was up with me. What was I supposed to say? We were really close. I wouldn't have been able to keep it from him for long."

"Why didn't he do anything?"

Four sounds frustrated.

"Don't get mad at him for it. He was getting ready to go break both of his legs and worse when I told him."

"Why didn't he?"

"I asked him not to. Trust me, the last thing he wanted to do was let him go free. Whatever I wanted or needed would always come first for him. I came first for him. He only let him go because he loved me."

I smile a little bit.

"Did it happen on your birthday? Is that why you don't like your birthday?"

My smile vanishes and I open my eyes again to look at the bed instead of his eyes.

"No. Something else happened on my birthday."

"Do you want to tell me?"

I nod.

He stays silent. After a couple of minutes I start to speak again.

"It was after...Eric. I somehow had become naive again. Not as much as before, but I still wasn't even close to how I am now."

He nods.

"It was my 15th birthday. I was so happy because we were going to the freaking _aquarium_ as a _family_ for my birthday."

I laugh coldly and a tear trickles down my face.

"God, I was so stupid."

Four's thumb brushes off the tear. I take a few deep breaths before continuing. But something makes me think about why I became naive again.

"Now that I think about it, I don't think I just fell into being naive again."

I frown. I realize why I had done it. After a lot of thinking.

"What do you mean," Four quietly asks.

"I think...I think I wanted to be naive again. I think I wanted to pretend like nothing had happened to me. That I was the same girl with the same friends. And I had never changed. I was the same on the outside. But on the inside...I was so..."

I trail off, searching for the same word.

"Lost? Broken," Four tries.

I surprisingly nod. "Ya. That sounds about right. I think I didn't want to accept what happened and I just wanted to forget."

He squeezes my hand

"We were in the car. I remember staring out the window and seeing this car swerving around the road. I didn't even do anything. I just watched it. I watched it drive, probably drunkenly. I watched it switch roads and I watched it come towards us. And I didn't even warn my family until it was too late."

My voice cracks at the very end and roughly choke back a sob. Four's eyes are wide and mortified.

"Tris..."

But I wasn't done yet.

"I remember hearing screams, breaking glass, and seeing a bright light before darkness. When I woke up, I was in so much pain. But I pushed it aside and crawled over to Caleb. There was so much blood...I felt for his pulse but it wasn't there."

By this point a couple of hard sobs have escaped me and tears are furiously running down my face. I close my eyes as more tears leak out.

"So I crawled over to my father. But I had this gut feeling that I shouldn't even try. Everything was crooked and bleeding. I felt for his pulse anyways. There wasn't one."

I let out a few more sobs before I heard someone whisper my name. And I realized that my mother was still alive. I carefully got her out of the car and started begging her to stay with me and said she couldn't leave me. She told me her time had come and she wished she could stay with me but couldn't. And I remember desperately trying to remember everything about her appearance."

I didn't need to though. I see her in my nightmares most nights.

"She told me she didn't have much time and to open my birthday present. I told her I didn't want a present; I only wanted her. She wanted me to remember this present as the last thing she ever gave me. Then she pulled a small box from her pocket. It was my birthday present. I opened it. It was a necklace that was a gold heart with the words 'Be Brave' engraved in the center. It also had flames engraved on it. I told her I loved it and she said she knew I would. Then she started having trouble breathing and keeping her eyes open. She told me never to forget that my family all loved me. She told me to be brave and then she slipped away. I watched my mother die in front of me!"

I automatically reach for the necklace on my neck. But it's not there. I know it's probably on my nightstand or bathroom counter but all the stress of reliving my nightmares causes me to start to hyperventilate as I sob uncontrollably.

Four takes both of my hands in his and says, "Breathe Tris. Breathe."

"My...necklace," I gasp. "It's...not...on me."

"It's here. Ok? It's here. We will find it. But first I need you to breathe."

It takes a long time and almost blacking out from the lack of oxygen, but I finally am only sobbing.

"Come here. Come here," he mumbles and bring me tightly into his chest.

I cling to his shirt like a lifeline. It's the only thing keeping me grounded to the world right now. He runs his hand up and down my spine while the other just clutches me tightly.

If I would've just gone shopping or thrown a party like any other normal girl, none of this would've happened! My family would still be alive. I wouldn't be like how I am now. But then I wouldn't have met Four either.

At this thought, my sobs start to slowly calm down. Once I'm done sobbing completely I feel my weak body shaking slightly. I still cling to him for a long time as I let his heartbeat and his hands comfort me.

Eventually, I pull back. I stare at his chest. His shirt is soaked with my tears.

"Sorry," I say, surprised by the weak and croaky tone of my voice.

"Don't worry about it. I don't care about that. I care about you."

I look up at him and feel incredibly lucky to have someone like him. If I had to name one thing that was the light in all of my darkness, it would be him. He is the only for sure good thing that has come out of this whole mess called life.

"Can-can we find my necklace now?" I shakily ask.

"Of course we can."

He slides out of my bed as I shakily get up. It would've helped if I ate something today because my legs buckle from underneath me. Luckily Four is there and catches me before I hit the floor. He stands me back up without a word and wraps his arm supportively around my waist.

"Thank you," I whisper.

"No problem. Now where would it be?"

"I don't know why I wasn't wearing it."

I reach down towards my nightstand and search there, but it's not on it.

"I think it might be on the bathroom counter."

We walk slowly over to the bathroom. My legs are still pretty shaky. Once we are in I quickly search for any blood. I know I've checked before, but I could have missed something. When I don't see any I let myself relax a bit more. I look to the counter and see a small golden heart sitting on the back corner. I let out a sigh of relief.

"There it is."

Four slowly lets go of my waist-probably to make sure I wasn't going to fall-and grabs the necklace while I sit down sideways on the edge of the tub. He brings it over to me and sits behind me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm just putting it on. Don't worry. I'm not throwing it down the drain."

I smile a microscopic smile at his words. I feel a cold metal chain slip around my neck and a heart charm to land in between my collarbones. I feel it fasten behind my neck and gently take the heart in my palm.

**_Be Brave._**

I've done anything but be brave. But I try not to think about it now. Four's fingers gently brush my neck as he takes my hair out of the loop of the chain. Goosebumps run across my arms and I rub them away with my hands. He sits there and loosely braids my hair, only to let it fall apart and run his fingers through it a moment later before repeating. I take deep breaths while he does this and try to calm myself down. It works a little.

"Ok...I think-I think I'm ready to talk some more."

His fingers suddenly stop moving.

"There's _more_?!"

He sounds exasperated.

"I-I mean, you don't have to listen if-if you don't want to. I-I just thought you sho-you should know."

"Of course I'll listen! That's not what I meant...I just...you've gone through so much so far and...it's just...I can't believe there's more," he disbelieving says.

"Well it doesn't get much better from here."

I close my eyes as I hear him sigh.

"I had a feeling."

I lean back and his arms wrap around me and gently bring me to his chest. We sit here for another minute or two I lean forward again.

"Let's get this over with," I whisper and start to shakily stand up.

Four stands up as well and wraps his arm around my waist again, waiting for me to take a step. I hate being weak, but suddenly the bed seems so far away. And I'm extremely tired.

"I hate doing this...but can you-can you carry me?" I ask.

He smiles as he easily scoops me up. I close my eyes for the 5 or 6 seconds it takes to get back to my bed and open them again. He somehow climbs into bed, still holding me and sets me in between his legs so I can lean back into his chest. He laces both our hands together and loosely wraps his arms around my stomach, so as not to hurt my arms by stretching them too far. I take a deep breath as I feel myself mostly relax.

"I didn't let the paramedics through right away. I didn't want them to go through. I didn't believe that my mother was dead. I just knew that she would wake me up any minute and tell me we were at the aquarium. That we made it there safely. That it was only a bad dream."

I take a shaky breath.

"Eventually I was dragged away. I watched them check all of their pulses and silently shake their head after each one. I stood there in shock, just watching and not doing anything. I let another paramedic check me out while I sat there. It wasn't until I saw a body bag come out that I reacted. I had screamed for my family to come back. I was sedated soon after."

I didn't even know I was tense until I started to relax again after I feel Four kiss the top of my head.

"I woke up in the hospital. I didn't know what I was doing there at first. I didn't know why I was there, how I got there, or why it was only me there and not my family. I thought really hard for a few minutes, willing for the memories to come back. When they did I'd wished I wouldn't have tried to remember. They came and hit me like a truck. It was painful, mentally and physically."

I pause for a moment.

"After that I cried. I still thought it had to be a dream. But I was losing faith quickly. Later when Tori came in, I had to think for several minutes to remember who she was. When I did, the doctor had come in and asked me where I was hurting and checked me over. When he hit a particularly painful spot, my faith dropped to less than 10%. He must have been able to tell. He sat down and explained to me my condition and that the rest of my family was dead before they could even try and save them. I don't think it registered right away. That I was alone."

Tears stream down my face silently.

"When he left, Tori started sobbing. And it's then when I knew it wasn't a dream. And I suddenly was watching memories of Caleb and I playing, my father and I doing charity work together, my mother and I playing the piano together, and of all of us together for celebrations in slow motion it seemed like. And shortly after, I felt my life shatter before me. There only were a few people left that I cared about. Tori and my two best friends at the time."

Four rests his chin on top of my head. I relax a bit again from my tense position and focus on him for a minute. His breathing, his fingers laced with my own, his hands around my stomach. Then I start talking again.

"Once I was out of the hospital, I stayed home for who knows how long. I didn't keep track. Everyday was agony. I could barely pull myself out of bed and upright each day. I went through the motions of life each day, not really focusing on anything. After a while, I felt like I could go to school for at least part of the day. When I got there I immediately started looking for Hailey and Taylor-"

"Hailey and Taylor?"

"My 'best friends'," I say, wiggling my fingers before and after the words best friends.

"Ok," he says.

"I started looking for them. I finally saw them talking to someone else. When they saw me they started insulting me. I don't remember the exact words they said. But they took turns finishing each other's sentences. I think they said something about me crying and needing to go cry to my mom. And that whoops! I didn't have one. And something about never wanting to be my friend and me being a bitch and an attention seeking whore."

Four's hands noticeably tighten around me and I squeeze his hands gently. He starts to relax.

"I'm sorry. Go on," he says.

"You're okay. But after their string of insults I walked out of the circle that had surrounded us. There were a few kids who weren't laughing and just looked at me helplessly; like they wanted to do something but didn't know what. As I walking out, Eric's voice whispered to me that it was my fault they died and I deserved. After that I ran back home but luckily Tori didn't notice me being home early since she was at work."

I feel Four taking deeper breaths than usual and I know he's trying to calm himself down.

"I went back. Eric and his posse would beat me up each day and tell me it was my fault. I fought back until I actually believed what they were saying. Then I just let them hit, kick, slap, or throw me everyday for 6 months. After the end of the school year, Eric had told me that he would find me. Even if I moved to a different city, he would find me and said that I better hope God is on my side when he does. I went home with the last thing being said to me by him was that it was my fault."

Four stays silent after I'm done. I let him collect his thoughts. I know it was a lot to take in. And I still left things out. Like that I tried to commit suicide, that I don't eat, and that I cut. He finally says something after about 5 minutes of silence.

"Please tell me you don't believe him. Please tell me you know none of what happened to you was your fault."

I tense up and stay quiet, neither confirming or shooting down the statement.

"You're kidding me, right?"

His fingers untangle from mine and he grabs my waist and gently turns me around so I'm facing him. I see shock, disbelief, and slight anger in his eyes.

"Please say you're joking."

I look down. What do I say?

"Oh, God. Tris. How the hell did you manage to pin the blame on yourself? How is this even remotely close to being your fau-"

"Because it is my fault!" I yell before I can help it.

"No it's not Tris! Why the hell would it be your fault?!" He yells back.

"If I wouldn't have shrugged off that car on the first place and warned my family, my dad would have gotten us out of the way and to the aquarium safely!"

I step out of bed for the first time on my own and find I can stand by myself. Four slides out of bed too as we stand a couple feet from each other, screaming our hearts out.

"Or he couldn't have! That car was going to hit someone with the way it was driving! It was coming too fast for anyone to be able to get over!"

"No it wasn't! I could've saved them!"

"No you couldn't have Tris!"

Tears start to trickle down my face. How can he not see that it's my fault?!

"Yes, I could have! What if I had called 911 sooner instead of making some bystander do it later than I could have!? What if they had gotten there earlier and saved at least one of them!?"

"There was no saving them Tris! It wasn't like they would've been any better after you woke up! They were already gone by the time you woke up!"

"Mom wasn't! They could've saved her! But I wouldn't let the paramedics get to her! I kept pushing them away from her because I was being selfish and wanted her all to myself so I could look at her!"

"Tris, she was in a head-on collision! She died in front of you! She was gone! They couldn't have done anything!"

"Yes they could have!" I scream.

"They could have gotten her in an ambulance and rushed her to the hospital right away! They could've given her blood and oxygen and restart her heart! She could be alive right now if it weren't for me!"

"Tris! It is NOT your fault! It is not your fault you were on that road at that time! The paramedics couldn't have done anything!"

"But it IS my fault that we were on the road at that time! I wanted to go to the f***ing aquarium! If I just would have gone shopping or thrown a party like anyone else would have my age, they wouldn't be dead! I would still have my friends and I wouldn't be broken! My family would be with me right now instead of in the ground hundreds of miles away! IT'S MY FAULT FOUR! How can you not see that?!"

More tears stream down my face, but mostly out of frustration.

"How can you see that it's not your fault! You said you'd still have your 'friends'. Would you really want them as your friends?! Now that you know what they're capable of?! Would you want to still be living somewhere where you were raped and beaten?!"

"If it meant having my family alive, then yes! I could have gotten through anything if I still had the three most important people in my life with me!"

"You said you were pushing it away! You were compartmentalizing it Tris! You can't do that! You never would have gotten over that the way you were dealing with it!"

"I could've talked to Caleb more! I could've and I would've! So shut up! You don't know who I was! I was someone completely different from the person you know! The person you know is weak, ugly, selfish, a coward, violent, and stupid! The person I used to be was happy, selfless, brave, courageous, strong, beautiful, peaceful, and colorful! It was my fault I changed!"

"The hell Tris?! You never would have gotten over it completely! Not by walking past Eric each day! Not by having your apparent 'friends' eventually turn on you! If they insulted you after your family died they never would have stayed by your side! So how is it your fault you changed!?"

"It any fault I changed! I chose to change! But I wouldn't have had to change if I didn't do so many other things! It's my fault we were on that road that day! It is my fault that they died! It's my fault I didn't stay friends with Hailey and Taylor! I could've been a better friend! I could've been more like them! If I was more like them I would've been with my family right now!"

"Maybe! Maybe you would have! Who says that there wouldn't have been another crash in another day that ended the same way?!"

"It wouldn't have happened! It's all my fault! Why is that so hard for you to believe!?"

"Because you're wrong! It's not your fault! None of it is your fault!"

"It's my fault I screwed Tori's life up! It's my fault she'll never be the same! It's my fault that she worries about me every damn day! It's my own fault I don't eat! It's my own fault that I cut myself! It's my own fault I tried to kill myself! It's _my_ fault! Nobody else's! _Mine!_"

The screaming match suddenly stops and I wonder why until I realize what I just said. Just like that, every secret that I have was out in the open because of my loud mouth.

My eyes are wide and I suck in a breath.

"Oh my God..." I whisper.

Because of one stupid fight that I took to the next level, my secrets were out of my steel armor and brick wall. Because of one little slip up. Because of one stupid fight that I could have avoided by lying and saying I didn't believe Eric. One stupid fight that went too far. One stupid fight that started because of me.

It was my fault my secrets were out. The secrets that I never had planned on Four finding out. The secrets I tried so desperately to keep to myself and Tori were out in the open, waving around in the air in between Four and I, just pleading to be found and remembered.

Four's eyes are shocked and bigger than I've ever seen them before. I start to shake my head. I can't believe what I just did. I guess I can add Four's name to the list of lives I've screwed up. The long, long, list of names.

I stumble backward until I hit a wall. I suddenly feel dizzy and nauseous. I tightly grip the solid piano beside me, looking for something to keep me up. Four still stands there in shock. My stomach starts doing flips and I stumble into the bathroom and close and lock the door behind me. I throw up the little to nothing I had in my stomach.

_What did I just do?_

**I'm sorry...no nevermind. I'm not ****_that_**** sorry. BWAHAHAHA! Don't kill me please. I'm going through enough pain right now with my teeth anyways. Just remember that. Anyways...THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 198 REVIEWS! How did I get this far guys? Well that answer is obvious. Your support. But I honestly just started LTLTI because of a small idea. I actually went clear off the plot line that I had planned. But that's okay. In my opinion it's better to be creative with your plot line and if you stray from it, then that's okay! As long as you still enjoy what you're writing, then do whatever you have to do to keep you motivated. **

**I'll have Chapter 21 posted very soon. I am extremely motivated right now because for one, all I can do is sit around for the next 5 days. And two, I'm getting to the good parts. Don't you guys think so? I guess I also feel a little bad for leaving you like that...that can be a third reason. But I could've kept going and going and going, but I decided I better stop before it became a 15,000 word chapter. Which would've been very easy to do. Anyways...can we get to 205 reviews? I can't believe I'm only 2 away from 200...THANK YOU AGAIN GUYS! TO ALL OF YOU! MY READERS, FOLLOWERS, FAVORITERS, AND REVIEWERS! I feel so blessed to have so many people support me for my very first Fanfiction! It motivates me more than you know! So I'm going to leave it at that because I want to start writing Chapter 21! BYE!:):):):)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Guys. I just got 200+ reviews on my first Fanfiction...THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO MUCH! I cannot believe I have gotten this far! I know I've said that a lot of times before but I just have to say it each time I reach a milestone! But ok. I know that probably only about half of you are actually reading this right now, so I'll make this short and we can cut straight to the good stuff!**

**Disclaimer: I just said I wrote a Fanfiction story. Not a published story. So I don't own Divergent.**

**Chapter 21**

**Tris' POV**

I sit in the bathroom for a few more minutes, too shocked and weak to get up. After a while, I shakily stand myself up, using the counter for support. I flush the toilet and feel like collapsing again.

_What did I just do?_

Did I just screw up any chances I ever had with Four? Did I just tell him my deepest, darkest, secrets, only to have him leave a moment later? Is he already gone? Or is he still outside this door, waiting for me?

_What did I just do?_

Did he realize that it is my fault? That I could've saved my family if I wasn't so selfish? That I could've, at the very least, let the paramedics get to my mom to save her? That it's my fault they're dead?

_What did I just do?_

Did he actually figure out how broken I really am? Has he finally realized that he could do much better than me? Than me, the stupid, selfish, ugly, violent, broken, cowardly girl? Did he leave to go get another girl who would be much hotter and have a better personality than me?

_What did I just do?_

Did I just tell him I tried to kill myself? Did I tell him I cut? Did I tell him I don't eat? Did I tell him that my family died because of me? Did I tell him I was raped because of a stupid decision I made? Did I tell him I was bullied and beaten every day? Did I really just make this relationship, if there even was one anymore, complicated and horrible to be a part of?

_What did I just do?_

I can ask myself this question as many times as I want, but I know the answer to all of the recent questions. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. I did tell him my past. I did just add his name to the long list of people's lives I've screwed up. I did tell him I've tried to kill myself and I now cut and don't eat. I did tell him these things.

I know the answers to the question I've been asking myself, but I can't tell what the reaction to the answers will be like. I know I just possibly screwed up one of the best things in my life. I know that this relationship will probably never be the same, even if he does stay.

I stay leaning on the counter for a few more minutes until I feel enough strength to go back out there. It's better to face him sooner rather than later, right?

I slowly open the door. Four is sitting on my bed looking down, but as soon as he hears me take a step, his head snaps up to look at me. He quickly stands up. I feel my breaths become shallower and I desperately try to stay up.

We stare at each other for several minutes before Four finally speaks.

"I still don't think it's your fault."

I let out a short breath and shake my head in disbelief.

"How can you think that?"

"Because it's true. Anybody can see it Tris."

"No it's not true. It's my fault that my family is dead and it's my fault I was raped and it's my fault I was beaten. It was my decision not to eat. It was my decision to cut. And it was my decision to try to...try to kill myself."

I look down at the floor as I say these things. It's silent for a few moments.

After a few moments of silence, he nearly whispers, "When?"

He doesn't need to specify. I know what he's asking about.

"Before I came here."

It's silent again.

"What stopped you?" he whispers.

"Tori. She found me and took the pills away from me. I was in the hospital for days after that."

I am still looking at the ground, too afraid to see what his reaction is like.

"Do you-do you still cut?"

His voice sounds shaky as he asks it. This is one question I was hoping wouldn't be brought up. I feel a tear slide down my cheek and hit the ground after he asks this.

"Yes," I whisper, almost inaudible.

I hear Four walking towards me and I see his feet appear from under me. He gently places two fingers under my chin and tilts it up to meet his eyes. I'm surprised to see tears in his ocean blue eyes.

"Why?"

If we weren't so close I wouldn't have heard him. But I did. His voice sounds strained, almost inaudible, pained. More tears slip down my cheek.

"It's how I deal with pain. I deserve it." I whisper just as softly.

I feel like breaking down when I see a tear escape his eye. I raise my hand and wipe it off, trying to hold my sobs in.

"No. No you don't."

I nod my head. "Yes I do. I've screwed up so many lives. I deserve each cut I give myself."

"You haven't screwed up other people's lives. They've screwed up yours."

I close my eyes and shake my head.

"Yes Tris. Have you ever thought, that just maybe, it isn't your fault you're like this? That it's the drunk driver's fault? That it's Eric's fault? That it's Hailey and Taylor's fault? That it's your school's fault?"

I think for a moment. I never have thought about it because I know it's my own fault.

"No," I whisper.

"Well you should."

"But I don't. I know it's my fault."

"No, it's not. Just, hear me out, okay?"

I open my eyes again to meet his. I think for a moment. It wouldn't hurt to hear what he has to say. I nod at him.

"If Eric wouldn't have been so evil, he wouldn't have-"

He takes a deep breath and clenches his fists before continuing.

"-raped you. You would probably still be together. You would still be the same."

I frown.

"You know I'm right Tris."

He can't be right. It's my fault he was so evil. If I hadn't been so naive, he wouldn't have raped me.

"He took advantage of you because of his personality. It was never your fault he was like that. You couldn't have changed him, no matter how hard you tried."

Four can't be right...can he?

"I don-"

"Just let me finish, okay?"

I stare at his for a few moments before sighing. I nod, signaling him to go on.

"If it weren't for that drunk driver, you would still have your family. You would still be the same. It's not your fault you couldn't warn them in time. No amount of time could have saved them. Everyone knows it Tris. The only reason Eric said it was your fault was to break you more. To make you an easier target. It's not your fault."

I shake my head as more tears slip out. He can't be right. He just can't be.

"It's not your fault you were beat each day. It may seem hard to believe, but nothing you could've said or done would've changed what they did to you. Trust me, I would know."

I frown and look up at him.

"What do you mean?"

He takes a deep breath.

"My father-"

He sounds disgusted at the word father.

"He used to beat me."

I gasp and my hand flies up to my mouth. Tears leak out of my eyes once again as he goes on.

"It could've been the smallest thing. I could've missed a spot on the floor I was supposed to clean and he would beat me. It was always my fault. It was my fault that he was doing that to me. I caused it to happen."

"That wasn't your fault," I whisper.

"I know that now. So you being beaten wasn't your fault either."

I frown and let out a breath.

"You said it wasn't my fault, right? It wasn't my fault I was beaten?"

I slowly nod.

"Then you being beaten can't be yours."

I take a moment to let this sink in. It has to be my fault...but it isn't. If it's not Four's fault he was beaten, then it can't be my fault either. But if I wouldn't have been so stupid then it wouldn't have happened...would have it? This is all too confusing.

"It's not your fault Tris. If you believe it's your fault, then me being beaten is my fault as well."

He has me trapped here. If I say it's my fault then it's his fault too. I know it's not his fault. But then it can't be mine either.

Then I have a thought. Does his father still beat him? Where is he now?

"Where is your..."

I trail off at the word 'father'. He obviously wasn't pleased with the word being used to describe someone who is or had been beating him. It doesn't shock me at all. Who would want to use that word to describe that type of person? The only problem with that is not knowing which word to use since 'father' is out of the question.

"He's not still with me if that's what you're wondering."

I let out a sigh of relief.

"Where is he now?"

"I don't know. I don't care. He left me a note a few months ago and said he was leaving. He said he was forced to pay all the regular bills, but he left money for food, school, and other little things.. He said if I ran out he would have to come back and teach me another 'lesson'. But he's gone now and that's all I care about."

I frown. Where is his mother then?

"What about your mom?"

He winces. "She died when I was 7."

My eyes widen and I'm filled with guilt for asking him about it.

"I'm so sorry, Four. I didn't know-"

"It's fine Tris. There was no way you could've known."

I stare back down at the floor. We sit in silence for a few minutes

"It's Tobias."

I look up confused.

"What?"

"My name. It's Tobias."

I smile a little bit.

"Tobias...it suits you."

"Could you do me a favor and call me that when it's just you and me? It's nice to hear my name again."

"I'd love to."

He smiles at me. I smile back. Then my smile fades.

"When did he start?"

"When my mother died. He's been beating me for 10 years."

10 years?! He must see the shock in my eyes.

"It's okay, Tris. He's gone now."

"But still. 10 years?"

He nods.

"Can-can I see them? I mean, you don't have to show me, I just-"

He nods, cutting me off. "Only if I can see yours."

This makes me stop and think for a moment. Then I nod.

"Ok."

He turns around and starts to slide off his shirt. Once it's off, I see his back. It's covered with more white scars than skin. I feel tears sting my eyes as I reach out and touch one. I hear Tobias suck in a breath. I gently trace my fingers along the scars.

"Why would he do this?" I whisper.

"He was evil. He didn't need a reason."

"But you're so...perfect. You didn't deserve this."

"Neither did you."

I bite my lip as I feel myself maybe start to believe him. I take my fingers off his back and instead take my sleeves and push them up to my elbows. I stare at my arms for a second. They're covered with tinier white scars. I pull my sleeves back down, starting to regret that I said he could look at them.

He puts his shirt back on and turns around to face me. He gently takes my arm and before I can protest, he pushes up the sleeve. I look down at the floor while he looks at it. Will he leave me now that he sees how broken I really am? Will he be disgusted by what I've done to myself and walk out the door?

A couple of minutes pass and I feel Fo-Tobias' hand on my cheek, lifting it up so I'm looking into his eyes. He stares at me for a few seconds, then I feel his lips on mine. It only takes me a second to kiss him back. It lasts for a minute or two before we pull back. Once we catch our breaths, I remember that I still haven't asked him about Haviland.

"Tobias?"

He smiles.

"Ya?"

"I need to ask you about something."

"Ok..."

I take his hand and lace my fingers through his. He squeezes my hand and I smile.

"It's more like a favor."

"Ask away."

I take a deep breath. "Tori and I were talking about my hometown. It's where my family is buried. Every year, they have this fair. I was going to invite you and the gang to come with me and Tori to it. We'd miss about a week of school though."

He smiles. "I'll come. I'm sure the rest of the gang will too."

"There's one more thing."

He raises an eyebrow as I look to the ground.

"I was going to go visit my family...Tori said she wasn't going to come with me and I was wondering...well...I was wondering if maybe...if maybe you could come with me?"

He tips my chin up with his fingers. He's smiling.

"You worry about the littlest things. Yes, I'll come with you."

I sigh and smile in relief. "Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me."

We start into each other's eyes for a moment until Tobias breaks the silence.

"What are you going to tell the gang?"

I sigh. "Tori and I talked about this. I think I'm just going to ask them if they want to come with me to my hometown's fair. Tori said it shouldn't be too suspicious. But I'm not sure."

"Well Tori's right."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure. They won't think of anything other than what you tell them."

I nod. "I need to tell them soon though...it's only 2 weeks away."

"Then you better get to it," he says and smiles.

"That's exactly what Tori said."

We stay silent for a few more minutes. I close my eyes. I open them back up again when Fo-Tobias pushes my hair back behind my ears.

"My real name isn't Tris."

I figured since he told me his name, then I should tell him mine.

"So I figured."

"It's Beatrice."

He thinks for a moment.

"Tris suits you much better."

"Good. Because I hate Beatrice."

He chuckles. "Got it."

"I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to start a fight," I say quietly after a few minutes silence.

"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have acted like I did. And you still haven't admitted that being beaten isn't your fault."

I look down and whisper, "I know."

"Tris, please look at me."

I slowly look up to meet his eyes.

"It's not your fault. None of what happened to you is your fault. I know you don't believe me right now. But I at least need you to admit that being beaten isn't your fault."

I look away again. I open my mouth to say that it's not my fault, but I close it. It is my fault. If I wouldn't have let my family die, I wouldn't have been beaten and bullied every day.

"I-I can't," I admit.

I close my eyes as I feel a tear that I didn't know was there being gently wiped off.

"Tris..."

"I just can't, okay?"

I open my eyes to meet his.

"I've spent these past 2 years telling myself that it's _my_ fault my family died. That it was _my_ fault I was bullied and beat up every day. And I've spent 3 other years blaming myself for what Eric did to me. That it was _my_ fault he did what he did. I can't just throw all those years of thoughts and memories away. I can't just tell myself opposite of what I've been thinking for all those years. I can't. I'm not strong enough to do that. Ok? I'm sorry Tobias, but I can't do that."

My vision is blurred with tears by the time I finish and I'm looking down again, trying not to cry again. Instead of continuing to try to convince me it's not my fault, he tips my chin up to meet his eyes. He looks at me for a few seconds and then he kisses me.

I close my eyes and focus on his lips on mine instead of the awful thoughts threatening to take over my mind. I pour all of my emotions into the kiss; sadness, fear, anxiety, and guilt. I wrap my arms around his neck and he wraps his arms around the small of my back, pulling me closer to him. We kiss for I don't know how long. It's only when I feel a cold tear on my cheek that he pulls back. He must've felt it too. I keep my eyes shut as I feel him wipe it away. I open them a few moments later and find myself staring into his. We sit here like this for a few minutes before I finally break the silence.

"Thank you," I whisper.

"For what?"

He looks genuinely confused.

"For everything. For being here. For not leaving after everything I've told you. For not thinking I'm a freak."

He smiles a bit at the last comment.

"I could never think you're a freak," he mumbles softly.

"Thanks. You being here means more to me than you know."

He kisses me for a few seconds.

"You don't need to thank me."

I smile and after a few seconds, place my head in the crook of his neck. His hands move to the middle of my back and hug me tightly. I close my eyes and find myself relaxing more the longer I'm in his embrace.

"Thank you," I whisper again.

"Stop saying thank you. You don't need to."

I smile.

**Ok! So Chapter 21 is done! It was really fun to write! I know it was shorter than usual. Sorry about that. But I honestly think that this chapter covered a lot of information and secrets. Like a continued Chapter 20. I felt it was best to keep Chapter 21 mostly as a part two to Chapter 20. If it makes you feel any better...I already am brainstorming details for 22. I have the outlines already! You will be seeing some more Fourtris.:) It's one of my favorite things to write. And from the reviews I can tell that you like reading it too.;) It should be up in a couple of weeks! If not, it won't be long after that. Can we shoot for 230 reviews? **


	22. Chapter 22

**Ok I'm back!:) LET'S GET TO IT!**

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot. None of the characters or anything else. **

**Chapter 22**

**Tris' POV**

"Can I ask you a question?"

We both are now lying in my bed. After our embrace we both decided to lay down and relax. It was only about 3:45 so we still had an hour and 15 minutes before Tori was going to be back.

My head is on Tobias' chest and our hands lay interlocked on top of his stomach. My other hand is clutching the necklace around my neck while Tobias' other hand strokes my hair.

"Sure," I say.

"When you dye your hair...why black, blue, and gray?"

I hesitate for only a second.

"Blue was Caleb's favorite color. Dad's was gray. Mom's was black. When I decided to dye it I dyed it all those colors that way it'd be like I had a little piece of them whenever I went somewhere."

"Is that why your room is painted the same way?"

"Yeah."

It's silent for a little bit.

"Do you play the piano?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I just saw the piano in here and thought I'd ask."

I think for a minute.

"I used to play it a lot. I got it when I was 12. Birthday gift."

"Used to?"

I sigh.

"My mother taught me everything I needed to know before I started on my own. We used to do duets and I used to put on mini concerts for her and my family. It was sort of my mother's and I's thing. I haven't played since..."

I trail off, not completing the sentence. I feel him nod though, understanding how that sentence was supposed to end.

"Why do you keep it?"

"Memories, mostly. I thought about selling it, but when Tori and I moved I couldn't bring myself to do it. I actually painted it when we moved it here. It used to be white."

"Really? You did that?"

I nod again.

"Wow."

"What?"

"It looked like it was bought black. You did a damn good job."

I feel a light blush spread across my cheeks at the compliment and mumble, "Thanks."

I close my eyes and focus on his hands; one in my hair and the other interlocked with mine. My mind drifts to Haviland. What will it be like when we go back? If and when I see Hailey and Taylor, what will they do? Will they insult me like they used to do? Will they leave me alone? Will they feel guilty and apologize?

I extremely doubt the last possibility. I guess there's a chance it could happen. I can't see Hailey doing that I suppose, but I can see Taylor maybe doing that. She was always nicer than Hailey. After the first day I came back, she mostly left me alone while Hailey did the talking. I won't get my hopes up though. Yes, I hate them both. But it doesn't change the fact that they were my best friends once upon a time.

I wonder what school is like there now? Is it different without having someone to taunt and throw around? Or have they targeted someone new? Is Eric still king of the school? Is Hailey still the queen?

I wonder how Caleb's friends are. I never really knew how they took the news. I never saw them in the crowd of taunts thrown towards me each day. As far as I know, they all liked me. So they had no reason to take down what was once their best friend's little sister. They've graduated by now though. They would've graduated the year I left Haviland. I wonder where they are now and whether they went to nerd colleges like they always talked about? They probably did. That's all they ever talked about it seemed like.

Tobias' voice interrupts my line of thoughts.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Just thinking about what'll happen when I make an appearance back home again and what it's like now."

Then I realize that I haven't even told Tobias where 'home' was yet.

"Oh my gosh, I feel like a complete idiot right now."

He chuckles. "Why is that?"

"I haven't even told you where we're going."

"And why do you feel like an idiot?"

"Cause you just agreed to go somewhere with me without even knowing where the somewhere is at."

He chuckles again. "I don't care where it's at. As long as it's not halfway across the world, which I doubt it is, I'm going. I'd do anything for you."

I stay silent for a moment, contemplating what he just said.

"Do you really mean that?"

"Every word."

My heart swells a bit at his words. How'd I end up with Tobias? He could have literally any girl he wanted, yet he chose me. The broken, ugly, selfish, weak, and cowardly one. The one with baggage.

"Why? What's the matter?"

I smile a little bit. "Nothing is the matter. I've just never had anybody say anything to me like that."

"Well you should have."

"Why?"

"Because you're amazing."

I feel my cheeks heat up again.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You're amazing, beautiful, brave, selfless, smart, strong,-"

"Woah, woah, woah. I'm none of those things you just said. In fact, I'm the exact opposite of what you just said. I'm not amazing. I'm not brave or selfless or smart or strong. And I'm sure as hell not beautiful."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"You're kidding me, right?"

I wince at his words, remembering that the last time he said that we had a major argument.

"I'm not looking to start a fight, Tris," he says as if reading my mind.

I breathe a small sigh of relief.

"Do you really think that about yourself?"

I frown. "Yes...it's the truth."

"No. No, no, no. That's not even close to the truth. Tris, you're beautiful. I don't care if anybody ever says differently. Don't listen to them because to me you'll always be the most amazing girl I've ever met."

Does he really mean that? He sounds like he does. If he didn't mean it, he wouldn't have gone to the trouble to tell me it.

I unlock my hand from his and sit up so I'm looking down at him. He is still lying down, but is looking at me.

"You really mean that," I say, more as a statement than a question.

"Of course I do."

He sits up and cups my cheek.

"Tris, you're the most beautiful, most selfless, most brave, most strong, most intelligent, most _amazing_ girl I've ever met."

I feel the stinging of tears in my eyes but I push them back to stare at Tobias. I search his eyes for anything that would say he was lying, but all I see is honesty and wonder. Suddenly, I feel that the space between us is too large and I lean in, closing the distance.

We kiss for a couple of minutes before we both pull back for air. Tobias places his forehead on mine and I open up my eyes again. I softly smile at him and he takes his forehead off mine and softly places his lips on it instead.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's presence. I close my eyes. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him. I don't even want to think about where I would be in life without Tobias. He's helped me so much this past month I've known him. And he's stayed by my side the whole time. He's gotten to know the worst side of me, yet he's still here, telling me I'm amazing. The most amazing part though, is that all I see in his eyes are honesty. I know I'm not amazing, but he believes I am.

"What are you thinking about now?"

I feel his lips brush my forehead as he speaks, causing me to smile again.

"You," I whisper.

He smiles and we sit in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes.

"It's in Ohio," I say.

"Your hometown?"

I nod. "It's on the edge of the left border. It's about 3 to 4 hours away from here."

"That's not far at all."

I shrug. "I guess it could be worse."

"It could definitely be a lot worse."

A sudden thought comes to my brain.

"You can't hurt Eric if you see him. You can't."

He frowns. "But what if he tries-"

"He's not going to try and hurt me. Not with you and, quite possibly, the gang around. He may seem like no bark and all bite, but he's not stupid. He would know he's outnumbered. He wouldn't try anything."

He sighs. "You sure about that? He tried something at a party. And was successful."

I wince at that statement. I smile sadly and bite my lip, looking down.

"It was my fault he was successful though. He tricked me. And it was pretty damn easy to do so."

"He had a _knife_, Tris. He knew he'd have trouble and was going to use force to get what he wanted. He obviously wasn't planning on saying 'Oh that's alright. I mean, if you don't want to do this then we won't' if you told him to stop. He brought the knife for a reason. And it wasn't to play pirates."

I stay silent, not knowing exactly what to say. Eventually, I decide to ignore the last comment he made. The sentence that comes to my mind is false, but I say it anyways.

"He won't try anything."

The words sound false coming from my mouth, but I said it with just enough false confidence that I almost made me believe that he wouldn't try anything.

"You sure about that," he asks quietly.

I slump down. Of course I'm not sure.

"He won't try anything."

The words that come out don't sound anything like the first time I said them. It's funny how different two sentences that are the exact same can sound completely different.

The first time I said them, they had a trace of confidence in them, even if it was false. My tone was halfway strong. This time, the words sound completely different. They sound different because of the feeble attempt I made trying to convince myself he wouldn't try anything. My tone was weak...false...defeated.

I slump even more. Anybody could tell that I didn't truly believe that. I would've been horrible in Candor.

"That's what I thought."

I sit there for a minute in silence, just staring at the bed until I can't focus on anything anymore because of the wet blur in my eyes. I know Tobias is right. And now he knows he is too.

I hear him sigh.

"Come here," he mumbles quietly.

He pulls me sideways onto his lap and I bury my head in his neck, refusing to let too many tears escape. I curl up in a small ball and put my arms on his chest. He wraps his arms around my small body and slowly rocks me back and forth. I feel like I'm a little kid again. This strikes a memory and I close my eyes, getting lost in it.

_Flashback _

_"Mommy! Daddy!"_

_I'm 11 now. Mom and Dad left for a business trip a few days ago, so it's only me and Caleb. Caleb is 13 so we are allowed to stay home alone without anyone babysitting us. _

_I look over at the clock. It's only 11:45. _

_I just woke up from another nightmare. Mom and Dad's plane crashed and they died. I always get nightmares when they leave us. Mom doesn't like leaving us alone and she avoids it as much as possible, but sometimes they both have to go away for a week or 2. Christmas was 6 days ago. Our parents stayed for Christmas and the day after, but left after that. So it's been 4 days. Still have 5 more days to go. _

_It's December 31. I went to sleep knowing that when I would wake up, it would be a new year. That didn't happen though. My nightmare woke me up before midnight._

_After laying in silence for 5 more minutes, I crawl out of bed and walk to Caleb's room. I slowly open the door. I can hear the TV so I know he's awake. I open the door a bit more and can see him flipping through the channels. His hair is shaggy and slightly damp from his shower._

_"Cal?"_

_His head turns to me. He turns down the TV and sets down the remote on the table next to him. I see that he is getting ready for the ball to drop._

_"Why are you still awake Beatrice?"_

_"I-I was asleep. I woke up."_

_"Did you have another nightmare?"_

_I nod. He sighs. _

_"Come here."_

_I walk over to him and sit next to him on his bed. He picks me up and sets me in his lap. I curl up slightly, trying to make myself smaller. I put my head in his neck and he rocks back and forth. _

_"Nothing is gonna happen to them while they're gone. I promise."_

_I nod sleepily. I close my eyes and start to fall asleep. I'm seconds away from sleep when I hear the faint cheers from the TV and Caleb whisper in my ear._

_"Happy New Years, Bea."_

_End of Flashback_

I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, trying not to let the tears escape. I try to imagine Caleb's arms around me the same way Tobias has his now.

It works for a second and I can feel Caleb's soft and comforting arms. I swear I can smell the slight scent of the Axe body wash he used and his green apple shampoo. I can hear his voice in my ear as he whispered Happy New Years.

But just as soon as the feelings came, they were gone and I'm back in Tobias' arms. I choke back a sob.

_Don't cry, Tris. Don't cry._

A few tears escape my eyes against my will before I realize that right now, I'm not just Tris. I'm not just the black, blue, and gray haired girl. I'm not just the girl who cuts. I'm not just the girl who doesn't eat. I'm not just the girl living with Tori. I'm not just the girl living without my true family. I'm not just the girl living in Chicago.

Right now, I'm the blonde haired girl. I'm the girl who is selfless and brave and happy. I'm the girl still living with my family. I'm the girl who's room is right next to her brother's. I'm the girl who plays the piano and loves school. I'm the girl living in my small town. I'm the girl living in Haviland, Ohio.

The tiny sliver of Beatrice that Tris tried so hard to get rid of is now showing herself; reminding me that she will never go away. And I can't get angry because Beatrice doesn't get angry. Only Tris does. I can't cry because Beatrice almost never cries. Only Tris does.

Beatrice doesn't know that she is Tris. And Tris refuses to believe that she is Beatrice. Beatrice had little time before she became Tris. And to Tris, it seemed like decades ago since Beatrice was still living. Beatrice wants to remember everything in her life. Tris wants to forget.

But Beatrice _is_ still living. Not _was_. The more I think, the emptier I feel. I think that both Tris and Beatrice are leaving me for the time being. They're leaving me while I try to figure out why Beatrice suddenly decided to show up and remind me she's not gone. They're leaving me while I figure out what piece of the puzzle I'm missing.

I feel my head become hollow and light. It makes it much easier to think. My eyes dry of the tears and I no longer have the feeling to cry. In fact, I don't feel anything right now; I don't feel Tobias' arms around me. I don't feel any emotions. All I feel...is completely empty.

Beatrice and Tris are opposites...but they are the same person. They both balance each other out; when one of them doesn't have something, the other is sure to have that something they need.

Beatrice saw the good in everything and everyone. After she realized it was a mistake, Tris made sure to see the bad too. They both worked together to give each other what they needed.

Beatrice was beaten and bullied almost every day after her family died. Tris encouraged her to keep walking. Encouraged her to keep putting one foot in front of the other and get through the day. Encouraged her to stay strong throughout those awful months. Tris knew that Beatrice couldn't survive without her.

Then Beatrice left Haviland and Tris took over.

Tris was determined not to let anyone past her walls, but Beatrice encouraged her to move on. Encouraged her to make friends. Encouraged her to let them all in. Beatrice knew that Tris couldn't survive on her own.

Without each other, Tris was a wreck, and Beatrice was completely lost. I see that now. I see that I can't just choose to be one or the other. It's a recipe for disaster. I realize that the reason that Beatrice wouldn't go away, was because if she did, Tris would be dead inside.

And suddenly, that last puzzle piece snaps into place. It makes everything crystal clear.

Tris can't survive without her other half. And neither can Beatrice. I've been living with both of them all my life. The only thing I didn't know until 2 years ago, was who Tris was. Tris never overthrew Beatrice. She never wanted to. My life wasn't good because Tris and Beatrice weren't working in harmony anymore. After my head cleared out and after Tris and Beatrice left me, I remember how empty I felt. I still feel the same. I realize that this is what I would've felt like if I had wanted to throw Beatrice away. If I had thrown her away.

I've been living as Tris for a long time now. But I'm Beatrice too. I can't just be Tris. Because that's not me. Not anymore.

**Ok...so I'm back! Sorry about the wait...I'm actually surprised I got this done before school. But before I continue on my little ramble I'll talk about what kinda just happened since I know some of you are probably confused.**

**So basically, Tris was just thinking of that moment with Caleb that she had before New Years. When she was brought out of the memory, she told herself not to cry. It usually works for her, but when it didn't, she realized that she wasn't Tris in that moment. She was Beatrice. She started thinking about who she was, and then she realized that she didn't know. She didn't know exactly who she was. She didn't see that the Beatrice in her has been with her the whole time she was Tris and vice versa. She realizes that both Beatrice and Tris are huge parts of her, but can't work well without a little bit of the other person with her at the same time. **

**It was the Beatrice in her that agreed to Tori's statement about making friends and it was the Beatrice in her that allowed Tobias inside her walls. She realizes that she can't only be one girl and pick and choose which one she wants to be everyday. She has to be both in order to function right. She also feels how it would be like if she had gotten rid of the Beatrice in her. And at the end, she knows that she can't block out Beatrice completely anymore. She has to be able to see the good in things. **

**And no. She's not gonna be brought of her thoughts as a changed person or anything like that. Like I said, she just knows she needs to stop trying to get rid of that sliver of Beatrice. One of the reasons she's so broken is because she stopped seeing the good in things and stopped trusting others. So yes, she'll change a little bit, but nothing too drastic. But this part needed to be in there because it's Tris finding herself. That's important. But if you have any more questions, you can PM me and I'll answer as soon as I can!**

**But anyways...now that that's over with. I may not be able to update as often (yes, I know, again) because school starts Thursday. I've had 2-a-day volleyball practices all week and it's only next week when we go to 1-a-day. So I had a bunch more written that was going to still be part of this Chapter, but I decided to copy it over to 23 because I felt that this was a good stopping point.**

**I have a challenge for y'all...do you guys think you can get me to 250 reviews?! I THINK YOU CAN. Thank you guys so much for 242! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS! YOU'RE AMAZING!:):):) Thank you to all my readers, reviewers, favorites, and followers! You mean so much to me! Every time I get an email from Fanfiction saying I have a new review or favorite or follower I just smile this huge ass smile and am in a good mood for the rest of the day. So can we try for 250!? LET'S DO THIS.**


	23. Chapter 23

**So can any of you guess what today is!? Huh?! Huh!? HUH!? **

**THAT'S RIGHT! AUGUST 26! But know why this day is so special? Because exactly one year from today, I published the first chapter of this story, expecting to get a few favorites and followers, and 5-10 reviews. You know what I got? I got 255 reviews, 228 followers, and 162 favorites. Like, HOLY CRAP GUYS THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE GOTTEN THIS FAR! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!:):):):):):) I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I literally have tears in my eyes guys! THANK YOU AGAIN SO MUCH!**

**Disclaimer: Blah blah blah blah. I'm not gonna be arrested if I don't do this every chapter. So blah. Blah. Blah.**

**Chapter 23**

**(STILL) Tris' POV (Sorry bout that.)**

My head starts to feel normal again and I don't feel empty anymore. I hear a voice as my ears start to function again.

"Tris!"

I feel a pair of hands on my shoulder, shaking me. My eyes fly open and I'm surprised to find that I'm no longer in Tobias' arms, but am under them.

"Oh, thank God."

He's leaning over me with a half worried-half relieved look in his eyes. I frown.

"What?"

"You passed out Tris! You scared the shit out of me! I thought something was wrong!"

My eyes widen. "I-I did?"

"Yes!"

I frown again. "How long have I been out?"

"It's been 20 minutes now! I've been trying to wake you up! Are you okay?"

I try to sit up but Tobias pushes me back down gently.

"I'm fine Tobias...I didn't think I passed out...I just...I was just thinking...and..."

I trail off. Did I pass out when I felt my head go light? When I could finally think straight? That must've been when it happened. I look back up at his eyes and see that the relieved look in his eyes is gone, but the worried expression is still there along with some unshed tears. I reach up and gently run my fingers along the side of his face and my thumb across his lips.

"Hey I'm okay," I whisper. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Please don't cry. Please don't."

I try to sit up, and this time he lets me. He closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them back up, there isn't a trace of tears and only a little bit of his worried expression is left there.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

I nod. "I'm sure."

He still looks skeptical but he stands up and offers me his hand, which I take gratefully. Once I'm up, I'm pulled into his arms.

"Don't do that to me again."

I wrap my arms around his middle and squeeze him tight, knowing that I won't hurt him.

"I'm so sorry."

He kisses the top of my head. I pull back a few moments later and place my lips on his, reassuringly. When we pull back I rest my forehead on his.

"I'm okay. I promise."

"Why did you pass out?"

"I'm not exactly sure...I just remember thinking and my head feeling light. It was like it emptied out everything and I could actually think straight...I did a lot of thinking in 20 minutes. It felt like longer."

He raises an eyebrow at the tiny smile that just formed on my face.

"What were you thinking about that caused you to pass out?"

"The missing puzzle piece," I almost whisper.

He looks confused. I shake my head.

"It's nothing."

"Well it's gotta be something."

"It's impossible to explain. Trust me."

He stares at me for a few moments before replying.

"It's nothing like Eric or anything...right?"

"No. It's nothing like Eric."

"Then I guess I can let this one go..." he trails off, looking wary of his answer.

"It's nothing bad or dangerous. Ok?"

He nods. I close my eyes and focus on breathing. After a few minutes of this, I pull back and look at the clock. 4:32. I let out a yawn and turn back into Tobias' arms.

"You tired?"

I look up at him.

"I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a while. So I am tired, but only a little bit."

Ok...so I'm tired beyond belief. Let's see how long it takes for Tobias to call me out on that lie. One Mississippi, two missi-

"Don't lie. You're exhausted. I can tell."

I sigh. Not even two seconds. Next, I ask a question that I already know the answer to.

"How can you tell?"

"Well, for starters, your eyes look more distant. And then there's those purple bags underneath them."

I yawn again but try to stifle it as much as I can.

"And then there's that."

I open up my mouth to tell him that I'll be fine and I'll sleep tonight, but instead another yawn escapes it.

"Did you get any sleep at all last night?"

He skims his fingers under my eyes, staring at the deep purple marks that I know don't look any better than when I last looked at them.

"A little."

"How much?"

"I don't know...maybe a couple hours at most? And even then...it wasn't exactly the most 'peaceful' rest..."

He hesitates for a moment before asking, "How bad were they?"

He obviously knows that I'm talking about the nightmares. I shrug and look down at the floor. He sighs and tilts my chin up. I don't even fight it.

"So I'm taking it that they were really bad?"

"They start getting worse a couple of days before the twenty-eighth..then they start to go back to normal a couple days after," I say, my voice low.

"And what exactly is normal?"

"Usually somewhere between 2-5 a night..."

He slightly shakes his head. I would ask him why, but I see a hint of disbelief in his eyes. I guess my answer wasn't exactly what he was hoping for.

"How many did you get last night?" he asks quietly.

I let my eyes drift over to the side and back before answering.

"Too many to count...I lost track after ten..."

His eyes widen temporarily before they go back to normal.

"You need sleep."

"I'll be fine Tobias."

"Don't do that. You need sleep and you know it."

I clench my jaw and look to the side again.

"I'll sleep tonight."

"Let me know how that works out for you."

I look back at him and meet his eyes for a few seconds, then look away again.

"Tris, look at me."

I don't, but I know he'll force me to sooner or later.

"Tris."

His fingers run through my hair once before lifting my face up.

"Get some sleep okay?"

I stay quiet for a minute. I don't want to go to sleep. I don't want to face any more nightmares. Tobias is the only one who can calm me down after I have one. I say this from experience.

"Only if you stay with me," I quietly say.

I don't remember making the decision to say those words, but they're out now, and I can't take them back. I feel myself blush.

The corners of his mouth turn up a little bit.

"Of course."

"Wait-really?"

He leans down and kisses me softly for a few seconds.

"I'll stay with you for however long you want, okay?"

"Okay," I whisper and blush again.

He kisses me again. I pull back a couple of seconds later.

"I'm just going to go get changed real fast."

He kisses the tip of my nose. "Ok."

I smile at him and walk over to my dresser. I pull out new shorts. But now I don't know whether I should change into a long sleeved shirt or just a t-shirt. Tobias already knows about my cuts, but I'm still self conscious about showing them. They're ugly and something that I'm definitely not proud of. One hand is clutching a long sleeved shirt, and the other is clutching a short sleeved.

"Tris, what's wrong?"

He must be right behind me because even though his voice is low, I can hear him loud and clear. I say nothing. What would I say?

"Oh, I just don't know whether to cover my cuts up or to let them show. What do you think?"

Definitely not that. I feel his arms wrap around my stomach. I close my eyes and let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I put the shirts down in the drawer, but am clenching my fists around them tightly.

"Tris, what's wrong?"

He whispers this and goosebumps travel down my body at the feeling of his breath upon my neck. I open my eyes and look down at the shirts again. He unwraps his arms from my stomach and reaches for my hands. His chest is pressed up against my back and I revel in the warmth.

His hands grab ahold of my clenched fists, and his fingers slowly pry them apart from the shirts. Once that's done, he looks at both of them and wsighs. He must know what I'm debating about. It's silent for a little bit.

"Wear the short sleeves."

I'm confused. Why would he want me to wear short sleeves? Why would he want to see my ugly cuts?

"Why?"

"They're a part of you, Tris. You can't change that. You can't make them go away. So you might as well not try and hide them. I've already seen them and I'm not judging you."

I don't really agree with him, but it's not worth arguing over. I grab the t-shirt and shorts off the ground and sit there for a few moments before standing up.

"I'll be right back."

I turn and go to the bathroom, making sure not to lock the door behind me. I don't want Tobias to worry. I look in the mirror before changing. What I see disgusts me.

I see dark purple rings under my eyes. My eyes, which were ugly to begin with, look even more gray and dead and distant. I have several scars around my temples from the wreck. My face looks paler than usual and my hair is a mess.

I look down at my exposed arms. I haven't worn a short sleeved shirt in a while. There are cuts all over; diagonal, straight, sideways, overlapping cuts lining all the way from my wrists to my forearms. Some are white and already permanent, while others are still red and raw. I really should've worn a long sleeved shirt. No one wants to see these ugly things. They may be a part of me, like Tobias said, but they're also a part of me that never should've happened.

I force myself to look away from my arms. I grab my hairbrush and comb through it, making my appearance a little better once it's done.

I stand in front of the mirror for a few moments before my gaze becomes fixated on the reflection of the razor in the shower. I slowly turn around. I look at it with my own eyes this time; not the mirror's. I automatically reach for it. Once I have it in my hand I just stare at it. Everything else, except the object in my hands, goes out of focus, and it's just the razor and me.

After staring at it for a long while, I hold it up above my wrist. Surely one little cut wouldn't hurt, right? Just one little slice, then I'd put it back. That wouldn't hurt anything, right?

...right?

I'm lying to myself. I know that if I did one cut, it would soon turn into 5, and those 5 would turn into 10. It's addicting.

It's like smoking. Once you have one cigarette, it seems near impossible to stop yourself from having another. Like alcohol. Once you have one sip, it turns into one beer, and that turns into one after another, after another, until you're eventually too drunk to ever remember anything. Like cookies. Once you have one, you keep sneaking more and more until you've almost eaten the whole batch. Like drugs. Once you've had one, it's hard to stop from reaching out to them again.

All of those things; cigarettes, alcohol, cookies, drugs, cutting. All of those things have one thing in common. Once you have one; one sip, one inhale, one bite, one cut, one pill. Once you have one, it's like they have this invisible rope that's constantly pulling you to them. You can try to avoid it, but you eventually find your way back to them. Your brain will be telling you to do the most logical thing, which would be to stop and do the right thing. But your body is doing the exact opposite. It's like it feels weighed down when you've listened to your brain and stopped. But once you find your way back, it's like it finally lets loose and relaxes and it feels...relieving.

I've tried to stop. But it lasted for only a few days before I couldn't help myself anymore. I did as I do now; staring at it, wondering if it's really worth it to make one more. Wondering if will really make you feel better. Wondering which is worse; regret and pain, or relief and weightlessness. Then realize that all four of those things are going to happen whether you make one more cut or not.

If you don't, your mind will feel relieved, weightless. But your insides will be regretful and squeezing with pain. But if you do, your mind will regret it, continually listing off people who would most definitely disapprove of the action. It'll keep listing them off, over and over again until you feel the pain of what you've done. The crushing guilt. But your body will feel lighter and relieved. So it doesn't really matter anymore. It won't matter what you do, because the results are the same in the end.

I hold it above my wrist for a minute, not making any movement. I tell myself to just bring it down slightly and run it across the skin. But my fingers won't cooperate. I'm frozen to the spot. I can't move, I can't speak, I can't look away. I can only stare at my razor and wrist, willing myself to bring it down just once.

I hear a knock on the door and know it's Tobias. How long have I been in here now? 5, maybe 10 minutes? It feels like eternity. I hear another knock, but I'm still frozen.

"Tris, you okay?"

Frozen. Can't move, can't speak, can't look away. Absolutely still.

_C'mon Tris. Just a few more centimeters down and you'll feel better after. Just once. Just a few centimeters._

But I have a hard time believing my mind as it chants for me to go on. Will it make me feel better?

_Yes. _

Maybe.

_Just do it Tris! Just do it already!_

"Tris, if you don't answer me in 10 seconds I'm coming in."

Can't move, can't speak, can't look away. Frozen.

_Hurry up Tris! You're running out of time! Do it now!_

But I still stand there, frozen. Not doing anything except for listening to my mind egg me on and holding the razor above my wrist. I don't even know if I'm breathing right now. I hear the door creak open.

_Now Tris! Do it now!_

But I can't move. Can't speak. Can't look away.

"Tris!"

I hear his voice. It sounds urgent.

I somehow clench the razor tighter. I didn't tell myself to. It must've been my subconsciousness. I vaguely feel hot wetness on my cheeks. Are those tears? I don't remember my decision to let myself cry. But I realize once again that these things shouldn't surprise me.

Because I can't move, can't speak, can't look away. I'm still frozen.

"Tris, stop! Please."

His voice sounds strained and desperate; different from any of the tones I've ever heard him speak in.

_Do it Tris! NOW!_

"Please don't Tris. Please...please don't do this."

My mind suddenly takes on a new path.

_Please don't do this, Tris. For Tori. For Christina. For Marlene. For Shauna. For Uriah. For Zeke. For Will. For Lynn. For Mom and Dad. For Caleb. _

_For Tobias._

I can finally speak again.

"I can't."

It's weak and shaky, but that sound is quickly replaced by a sudden clattering. It's not until my face is pressed up against something soft and my hands are pressed against the same thing without anything in them, that I realize I dropped the razor.

For the first time, I dropped the razor. I had an opportunity to add new cuts, and I didn't take it. I had a chance, but I blew it off. I held the razor for a long time without making any marks. And I don't know exactly why.

Except I do.

The thought of him was the one that kept me unmoving. Unwilling to listen to my brain. The thought of him was the one that made me speak again. The thought of him was what I needed to feel better. Not the razor. But him. Tobias. I _need_ Tobias.

"Tobias."

His name comes out as a strangled sob and I feel him hold me tighter as I cry. After a few minutes, my sobs calm down and I'm left with tears slowly dripping down my cheek. His head moves from on top of mine. His lips move slowly against my cheek. Then he gently presses his left cheek to my right. I feel a slight wetness on his cheek. He's been crying. Something comes crashing down inside of me.

I made the strongest guy I know, cry. I'm the one who did that. I'm the one who upset him. I'm the one who he almost cried for earlier today. I'm the one thing he shouldn't have to worry about. The more I think, the lower my stomach drops.

I made him cry.

I step back quickly from his embrace and back up to the wall across from him. I look at the floor, unable to meet his eyes. I don't want to see the hurt in them.

"You might wanna go."

It comes out weak. I don't want him to go. I don't. Not one bit. But it'd be better for him if he did leave. He wouldn't have me dragging him down. He deserves a girl much better than me. He deserves someone beautiful, perfect, brave, selfless, kind, and who won't ever make him cry. He deserves someone with no baggage. He deserves someone much better than me. He deserves someone who is the complete opposite of me.

"No."

I bite my lip to try and keep back the tears that sprung into my eyes.

"You should," I whisper. I'm afraid if I use my voice it'll break. He's making this so much harder to do.

"I'm not leaving until I find out what this is about, Tris."

I squeeze my eyes shut. I hear his footsteps coming toward me. I open my eyes and look down to see his feet. I feel his hand on my cheek and step back, which makes his hand drop.

"Don't."

My voice cracks in the middle of the word.

"Just don't. You're making this so much harder than it has to be."

"Making what harder?"

I take a deep breath and let it go slowly.

"Making what harder, Tris?"

His hand comes back to cheek, but I take another step back. I hear him take a step forward. I back away again and my back presses up against the wall. He steps forward, but I can't move back any farther so I can't push his hand away when it comes to my cheek again. I let out another slow breath.

"Trying to get you leave."

"And why would you do that?"

"You need to."

"Why?"

"You just need to, okay?"

"Why?"

I let out a frustrated huff and turn away from his grasp, but his other hand comes to other cheek and holds my face still. He tilts it up so my eyes finally meet his. And I can't look away. His eyes always captivate me.

"Tris, answer me."

"Why can't you just leave?"

My voice is softer.

"I don't want to."

"Why don't you want to?!"

"Why would I?"

I shake my head disbelievingly. Why wouldn't he want to leave?

"Umm...better question yet; why wouldn't you want to leave?"

"Tris...not this again."

"What Tobias? It's the truth, okay? I can think of a million different reasons you would want to leave right now. I can start off by saying you deserve so much better. I'm not pretty; in fact, I'm ugly. I'm selfish. I'm weak. I'm a coward. I'm not kind. I'm-"

He kisses me hard, probably to get me to shut up. He shouldn't be kissing me. I shouldn't be letting him. But I want to. So I let myself get lost in his lips for a few minutes. After those few minutes, I pull back.

"Tobias, I'm not done yet," I whisper breathlessly.

"Yes you are," he whispers back, then kisses me again.

After a few moments, I pull back again.

"You shouldn't want to kiss me."

"Tris, there's no one else I would want to kiss."

And when his lips find mine again, I don't try to pull away. I'm relieved that he wants to stay, but at the same time, I want Tobias to have what he deserves. But if he's staying with me right now, I don't want to try and push him away. I tried to make him see that I'm not what he deserves, but he wouldn't have any of it. Maybe he'll see it one day. But until that day, I'm going to enjoy as much of this as I can.

I don't know how long it is before we both pull back for air.

"Have we really only been doing this for a day now?"

I think. It has been only one day. It feels like it's been so much longer.

"It feels like we've been doing this for forever."

He lets out a small laugh. "Exactly."

Then my mind thinks of something completely off topic. I never texted back anybody. Except for Tobias. But if what he said was true, about nobody listening to the call, then they still don't know why I wasn't at school.

"Shit."

He looks concerned. "What?"

"I think I might die tomorrow."

Now he looks even more concerned, but really confused as well.

"What? Why?"

"Well if it won't be from the wrath the gang gives me for not answering them, it'll be from Christina's bone crushing hug that will probably suffocate me."

His face relaxes immediately and he even laughs.

"I'll call them."

I nod. "Thanks."

"I'll call Zeke or Uriah while you get changed. Tell them you were sick."

"Tell them I'll be back tomorrow."

He raises an eyebrow. "Are you sure you should do that?"

"I'll be fine. Today is the worst day of the year for me. It's the only reason I stayed home."

"And you say you aren't strong."

I frown. "I'm not."

He just shakes his head. "I'll call one of them while you get dressed, okay? Then after that, you are going to get some sleep."

I nod. He starts to walk towards the door, but stops and turns at last minute. He walks over to where the razor lies on the floor and pops the blade off.

"On second thought, I'm going to take this while you get dressed."

I blush, ashamed of what caused him to do that. He puts into his pocket carefully and walks out the door, shutting it behind him.

I hear his muffled voice speaking softly in the other room.

"She...sick but...back tomorrow. Uh huh. Just...some rest...be fine. Tell the others..make sure...don't kill her."

A laugh. And some more muffled speaking

I get changed quickly, avoiding the mirror when I walk back out. He's still on the phone when I come back out.

"Okay Zeke. I gotta go now. See ya tomorrow. Uh huh. Bye."

He hangs up. "He's gonna tell the others not to kill you and that you were just sick today. And that you'll be back tomorrow."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

I let out a yawn and he chuckles.

"Guess it's time to sleep, huh?"

I smile a little bit. "I suppose."

I look over at the clock. It's 5:02. Tori will be coming back soon.

"You can put the blade back if you want," I say, blushing.

He walks over to me and kisses my forehead.

"Only if you promise not to use it."

I take a deep breath. Can I do that? I almost don't make the promise and tell him to keep it, but then I remember earlier and know I can promise that.

"I promise."

He looks relieved and walks into the bathroom to put it back. I walk over to my bed and slide under covers. I close my eyes while I wait for him to come back. Then I hear the front door open and shut. Tori's home. I keep my eyes shut, still waiting for Tobias. I hear him come out of the bathroom as I hear Tori open my door at the same time.

"Hey Four. Nice to see you again," she says quietly. She must think I'm sleeping.

"Hey Tori. You too."

"Thanks for taking care of her."

She cut right to the chase, didn't she?

"Anytime."

"I can't say I'm too surprised to see you here though. I figured she'd want you."

"She told me to call her. When I did, she was crying and I left for free period to come here."

"Like I said, doesn't surprise me. If you want, you can go home. You might as well, since she's sleeping."

I don't want him to go home. He said he'd stay with me. I'm not ready for him to leave. I don't want to face the nightmares alone. My heart beats a little faster. My eyes fly open.

"Wait! I'm not sleeping!"

They both turn towards me. Tori smiles slightly and rolls her eyes. Tobias gives me a side smile.

"Please don't go..."

I feel myself blush. "You said you'd stay with me."

I stare at him for a moment before he turns his head towards Tori, as if asking permission. She's staring at me with a small smile on her face. She turns to Tobias and nods.

"I'll be downstairs if you need anything," she says and walks out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

He stands there, staring at me for a few seconds. I blush again.

"What?"

He smiles and shakes his head. "Nothing."

"No, what is it?"

"Nothing, trust me."

I raise an eyebrow but let it go. If he can let go the reason for me passing out earlier, then I can let go this simple thing.

"Okay."

He looks slightly surprised that I let it go, but the look is gone as soon as it came. He stands there for another minute staring at me and I start to feel like maybe I shouldn't have been so selfish and asked him to stay. He probably wanted to get away from me. He was probably really relieved when he thought I was sleeping. He was probably staring at me, waiting to see if he had to stay or not.

I look down at my hands. I hear his footsteps walk to me and stop. I look up and meet his eyes.

"I know what you're thinking, so stop. I wasn't staring at you because I wanted you to say I didn't have to stay."

Sometimes my mind is blown by how accurately he can read my mind just by watching my actions. This is one of those times.

"Then why were you staring at me?"

He brushes a piece of hair back from my cheek and tucks it behind my ear.

"Because I like looking at you."

I blush. "But why?"

"You're beautiful, that's why."

My cheeks flush an even darker red. I shake my head and open my mouth to tell him how I'm not beautiful, but his lips are on mine before I can. It's only brief, but it stopped me from talking.

"You at least need to let me get one compliment in there sometimes without you trying to argue."

I nod. "Okay, but no promises."

"You have to promise. Let me compliment you sometimes without you trying to argue, okay?"

I stare at him for a few moments. Then I nod.

"Okay..."

"So can I say something?"

"Not if it's a compliment."

"Too bad. I'm going to say it anyways. You're beautiful. Even when you're like this; pale, exhausted, and slumped, you're still beautiful."

My cheeks heat up again. "You said compliment me sometimes. That was part of the deal."

"You tried to argue with me last time. Not trying to argue was also part of the deal."

I let out a breath. "Fine. But no more today."

"Fine."

He walks around the bed to the other side and slips under the covers next to me. I scoot up to his chest. He drapes his arm over my hip and his other wraps around my upper back, bringing me closer. I wrap one arm around his waist and leave the other tucked into his chest.

"Beautiful," he mumbles.

My cheeks flush an even darker red.

"Tobias," I say in a little bit of a warning tone.

"Can't help it. You look so cute when you blush."

"We really need to work on how many compliments a day you get to give me and how often. Because I'm pretty sure this is exceeding the limit."

"No amount of compliments would ever be able to exceed the limit."

My cheeks feel even hotter. "Stop it, Tobias!"

He chuckles and kisses my forehead. "Ok. I will."

I get settled back into his chest again. Then I hear him whisper very quietly, "For now."

"Tobias!"

"What?"

He asked it so innocently. In fact, if I didn't know what he said, I might have believed that he hadn't said anything. I roll my eyes.

I bury my head in his chest and take a deep breath. I've always loved the way he smells. I immediately relax once I get a whiff. His scent has always reminded me of safety, which always calms me down; helps me to relax. I wish I could always fall asleep with him next to me like this.

I let out a yawn.

"Sleep. I'll fight the bad dreams off if they come to get you."

Another yawn. "With what?"

"My bare hands, obviously."

I smile and close my eyes. His hand rubs soothing circles on my back while the other holds me to him tightly. I'm not exactly sure when I fall asleep, but when I do, it's complete darkness. No bad dreams. Just peaceful, still, blackness.

**Ok! So here is Chapter 23 for y'all!:):) Since its LTLTI's one year anniversary I'm going to up my review goal a bit! Can we get 266? I bet we can! Please just take 10 seconds of your time and leave a smiley face or something! Or if you wanna take a bit more time to tell me more about your thoughts and opinions on this chapter, then feel free to do that too! I'm happy with anything!:):):) Thank you guys so much! I CAN'T WAIT TO WRITE THEIR VISIT TO HAVILAND! I have a special twist coming that I doubt any of you are going to guess.;) But remember that the more reviews/favorites/follows that I get, the more motivated I am to write! I have school and everything, so once I get homework done for the night, most of the time I just want to sleep. So I need all the motivation I can get! So...266!? LET'S DO IT!:)**


	24. Chapter 24

**Guys...it's just now sinking in that I've been writing for over a year now. Like...WOW. It hasn't felt like that long! Want me to tell you something? I originally planned for this story to be 25-30 chapters long. Want to know something else? It's definitely going to go on longer than that. I'm having so much fun writing LTLTI that even when I reach the epilogue, I don't think I'll be able to let it go yet.:( You guys have supported and motivated me so much it's unbelievable! Even on the worst days, I remember that I have a whole group of people who enjoy my writing and will support me no matter what. I came home from volleyball practice and found 14 new reviews...IN LESS THAN A DAY! THANK YOU! **

**And...just a warning. It's a pretty long chapter ahead of you. I wanted to type more than usual so I can get to Haviland!:)**

**Now I've blabbered long enough. Onwards!**

**Disclaimer: Nxji bcjskakis ckosk. Dkoaodnnc. (Translation: I don't own Divergent.) (Jk, those were just random letters.) (Man I really need to cut down on these parenthesis.) (Ok. I'm done now.)**

**Chapter 24**

**Tris' POV (*winces*)**

When I wake up, I'm still exhausted. I open my eyes and blink several times to try to get everything in focus. I let out a yawn. After a minute or so, memories flood back in my brain and I'm awake enough to know that Tobias isn't next to me anymore.

I turn and look at the clock. Well that would explain why he's gone. It's 9:13. I've been sleeping for 4 hours. I let out another yawn and sit up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I step out from under the covers, regretfully. I know I've been sleeping for a long time, but it's nothing compared to the sleep I've lost.

I stand up and walk over to my door, about ready to go downstairs to see Tori, but remember that I'm wearing a short sleeved shirt at last second. I walk back to my dresser, yawning, and pull out the first hoodie I can find. I slip it on and then walk out of my room and downstairs. I see Tori on the couch.

"Hey Tori."

Her head turns to me. She smiles. "Hey Bea."

She pats the space next to her, indicating for me to sit down. I walk over to the couch and sit down beside her. She turns away from the TV to look at me. She frowns.

"You still look exhausted."

"I am. I probably won't stay up for long."

"At least drink some water before you go back to bed, okay?"

I nod and get up to walk to the kitchen. I open the fridge and grab the first water bottle I can find before heading back out to the living room. I sit back down with the water and take a few gulps of it.

"Oh! I almost forgot. Four said to call him after you woke up. He seemed to feel bad that he had to leave. I told him he didn't have to, but he said he didn't want to intrude."

I smile. He's so selfless. "When did he leave?"

"About an hour and a half ago."

"You mean, he stayed with me for 2 and a half hours?"

"Yup," she says, popping the 'p'.

That only supports my thoughts. He is so much more than I deserve. I shouldn't really smile, especially with that thought, but I smile even bigger. He stayed with me, doing nothing but holding me and 'fighting' off the bad dreams. I slept peacefully for 4 hours. That's the longest I've slept at one time in the past few days.

"I'll probably go call him then."

She waves her hands towards the stairs.

"Go right on ahead then. And you should probably go back to bed afterwards."

"Ok." I nod.

I grab the water bottle and head towards the stairs. I go up the first step, then stop.

"Hey Tori?"

"Ya?"

I turn to look at her. "I love you."

She smiles. "Love you too Bea. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I climb up the rest of the stairs to my room. Once I get up there, I decide to take a shower first before I call Tobias. I only take undergarments because I just changed clothes earlier. I turn on the water and strip quickly. I look in the mirror again while I wait for the water to warm. The purple marks under my eyes aren't as pronounced, but they're definitely still there. I'll probably have to cover that up with some makeup tomorrow. Damn. I hate makeup.

I step into the shower. I shampoo and condition my hair quickly, then look at the razor. I stare at it for a while.

"Only if you promise not to use it."

I reach towards it and grab it, gripping it tightly.

"I promise."

I quickly put it back and turn the water off before I can change my mind. I step out, dry off, and get changed. I dry my hair as well and remember to put my dye in before I go back out.

Once I'm in my room, I plop down on my bed and grab my phone. I quickly dial Tobias' number and wait for him to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Do you not have Caller's ID?"

He laughs. "I do. I just didn't look at it before I answered."

I open up my blinds to see him staring at me.

I smile. "Hey Tobias."

"Hey Tris."

"Tori said you stayed for 2 and a half hours."

"Mmhmm...and?"

"And...you didn't have to stay for that long, I hope you know."

"I wanted to."

"Why?"

"You looked so peaceful...it was a nice change from earlier. I didn't want to disturb you."

"It wouldn't have been a big deal if you did."

"Tris. Don't sit here and try to convince me that I should've left earlier. It's never gonna happen."

I roll my eyes and smile.

"Ok. Got it."

"What time did you wake up?"

"Around 9:10."

"See? I told you that you needed sleep."

I smile again. "Whatever."

"Are you still going to school tomorrow?"

"Yes. I already told you that."

"I know you did...but are you sure?"

I frown. "Yes."

"Ok. I was just checking."

"Why are you so concerned about that?"

"Just...after today...never mind. If you say you'll be fine, then I'll believe you."

"I'll be fine. I promise."

"Ok. Then I guess I can ask my next question. Do you want a ride tomorrow?"

I smile. "I'd love that."

A few moments of silence pass.

"Hey Tobias?"

"Ya?"

"What are we going to tell them...about us, I mean."

"Whatever you want. We don't have to tell them yet if you don't want to."

I think for a few moments.

"I think we could tell them soon...but I don't know how to start talking to them."

"You'll figure it out."

I frown a little bit. "Thanks for your help."

"I'm here to serve."

I roll my eyes. "But really, Tobias, how am I supposed to start talking to them? Any ideas?"

"Just join in a conversation."

I wait a few moments to see if he adds anything on to that, but he doesn't.

"That's all you've got?"

"I'm being serious, Tris. Ya, they'll be shocked at first, but they're not gonna bombard you with questions about it. You know that they're not those kind of people. They're not the Erudite."

I think of Caleb. I think of his straight-A report cards he brought home every semester. I think of his nose always being stuck in a book somewhere. I think of his never ending thirst for more knowledge, more information.

"And what's wrong with the Erudite?"

I said it too harshly. Way to go, Tris.

"I'm not saying anything is wrong with the Erudite. I'm just saying that the Erudite tend to ask more questions than the Dauntless because they want more knowledge. That's all, Tris!"

I sigh. "I know you didn't mean anything bad. I'm sorry."

"It's ok, but why did you react so strongly to that?"

My voice drops lower. "It's just the faction that Caleb would've picked if he were here. And when you said something about the Erudite...I just...I started thinking about him and..."

I sigh again. "That's all. I'm sorry."

"It's ok, Tris. Don't apologize for it."

That's not the only reason I got defensive. Not just because of Caleb. But because I got an Erudite result for my aptitude test. Along with Abnegation and Dauntless.

"Did you ever test for which faction you'd fit into?"

"Ya I did. Everyone did. Why?"

"What were your results?"

"Abnegation..."

Something inside me deflates a little bit. I know Matthews said it was extremely rare to get two results, let alone three, but I was still hoping to find someone else like me. What was the word she used? Oh ya. Divergent.

"Why are you asking?"

"I was just wondering."

"What were your results?"

"Dauntless..."

I see him nod.

"...and Erudite, and Abnegation."

"Wait-so you got three results?"

"Yes..."

"That's...amazing."

I blush. "Not really...I mean, I didn't really do anything. I just filled out a sheet of paper."

"To get three results, though? That's amazing."

I stay silent, not knowing how to reply.

"That never happens, Tris. Well, almost never anyways."

"Why not?"

"I'm not exactly sure. All I know is it's really rare."

A few more moments of silence pass.

"Why did you join Dauntless?"

"Instead of Abnegation, you mean?"

"Yes."

"My fath-Marcus-went to that school when he was younger. He was in Abnegation. When I first started going, I was put into Abnegation. If parents went to the school and sent their kids there too, the kids would start in the faction their parent's ended in."

I frown. "Then how did you end up in Dauntless?"

"When you start high school, you can choose to either transfer or stay in the same faction. I didn't want to do anything Marcus wanted me to do, so I switched to Dauntless; the one faction he absolutely hated."

"Wait-so you joined Dauntless just because Marcus hates it?"

"At first, ya. But I've grown to love it. I met Zeke, Uriah, Shauna, Marlene, and Lynn first. They were Dauntless-borns."

"So Dauntless-borns are people who originally started in Dauntless?"

"Exactly. Then the rest of the gang formed together within our first year of being official Dauntless."

"So where did Will and Christina come from?"

"Will came from Erudite. Christina came from Candor."

"Well that explains why Christina talks so much."

He laughs. "Exactly."

I hear another ringing coming from my phone. Someone else must be trying to call me. I frown and pull the phone back from my ear. It's a number I don't recognize. I hear Tobias' voice on the phone.

"Tris? You there?"

I put the phone back to my ear for a moment and look back at him.

"Ya...just a second. Someone else is trying to call me."

"Who?"

"I don't know."

I pull back the phone and quickly answer the other number before it goes to voicemail.

"Hello?"

"Bea-"

A sob.

"-trice?"

I go completely still and feel the color drain from my face. Tobias frowns at me and I break my gaze with him.

"Beatrice-"

Another sob.

"I know you're there."

I stay silent, ignoring her.

"Ok, ok. I guess I deserve this."

A sob and several deep breaths.

"I know I deserve this and so much more...but I just...I just..."

Sobs.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know it probably doesn't mean anything now. But I've just been thinking about everything that I've done, and I-and I-"

Sobs. Again. I'm still silent, but it's because of shock now, rather than ignorance.

"I was so, so, horrible to you. Guilt crushes me every single day for what I've done. I don't blame you if you don't believe what I'm saying, but something happened and-"

More sobbing. It lasts longer than a minute this time.

"I could just use a friend."

A few minutes pass.

"Please Beatrice...please say something. Yell at me, scream at me, I don't care. But please just say something."

I finally snap out of my original shock and look back up at Tobias. He's standing up now. Once he meets my eyes, he raises his eyebrows at me, silently asking me what's going on and who's calling me. But I ignore him for now and break his gaze again.

"I'm not gonna yell at you, Taylor," I say softly.

A sob, then, "You're not?"

"No. But please stop crying so you can tell me what's going on."

"Thank you, Beatrice. Thank you, thank you, thank y-"

"My name is Tris now. Not Beatrice, okay?"

"Okay."

I hear her start to take deep breaths and her sobs quiet down. After a few minutes, they've completely stopped.

"Okay, now first question, how did you get my number?"

"You'd be surprised at what I can get when I really set my mind to it."

"No. No I really wouldn't."

I can practically hear her wince.

"Ya...I so deserved that."

She takes a breath. "What's the second question?"

"You never answered my first."

"I did. Just not in the exact way you wanted. It doesn't really matter, anyways. So, second question?"

"Why did you call me? You could've called Hailey."

"Ya, well, Hailey and I...we aren't on the best terms right now."

"How did that happen?"

"Let's just say...we had a fight...and I sort of took your place at this school."

I immediately straighten and quickly stand up.

"What do you mean, you took my place?"

"C'mon Be-I mean-Tris. You know exactly what I mean. I messed with Hailey and now I'm the target of the school."

"Since when?"

My voice sounds a little shaky.

"We fought mid-summer. Then it started at the beginning of the school year. It's only gotten worse since 4 days ago. Since...since...since..."

She lets out a sob. "I'm sorry. I can't help it."

"Since when, Taylor?"

She's sobbing too hard to answer.

"Taylor, since when?"

I've never heard her like this before. I'm not sure what to say or do. She said she fought with Hailey, but what about? It was bad enough to make her take my place as the school target. But I honestly can't think of anything that would make Taylor a target like that. She was the princess of Haviland. Just like me, her family was amazing. Her parents and my parents would often do community projects together. Her mother and mine were the best of friends. Almost like Tori. Almost.

"Taylor. Since when?"

"Since my mom...she..."

Another round of sobbing.

"She found out she had cancer a year ago."

My eyes widen. I think I know where this is going.

"She wasn't responding to anything...the meds, chemo, nothing. They told us a week ago she would have about a month."

A month. A month to live.

"She-"

A sob.

"She went a lot earlier than that."

She starts sobbing again. I take a step back and fall onto the edge of my bed so I'm sitting again.

Andrea White. The woman who loved nothing more than to help others. Who knew my mother since they were 6 years old. Who loved her like a sister. Who visited me after the accident. Who was a speaker at their funeral. Who sought me out afterwards and hugged me like a mother hugs her daughter. Who promised me she'd always be there for me if I wanted to talk. Even if Taylor wasn't there, she would be. Like a second mom. And yet another one whose promise was broken by reality. Another one whose life was cruelly taken away.

I feel a single tear drop down my cheek. After the accident, she and Tori were the only ones who were truly there for me. And now, if we hadn't moved, it'd only be Tori.

"Taylor," I whisper.

I hear another voice on the other end of the line; a voice I know well because of all the hours spent at her house.

"Taylor." It's muffled and quiet.

"Taylor, who are you talking to?"

Her sobs quiet down down a bit. I hear the phone being moved around.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"It's Beatrice. Although, I go by Tris now."

I hear him sigh in relief. "Thank goodness it wasn't Hailey. How are you...Tris?"

"I'm...ok, I guess. Taylor told me about...you know..."

"Ya...I was going to tell her she should talk to you, but I guess she already knew she should."

"How are you, Justin?"

He sighs. "The way anybody would be after that."

"I'm sorry. She was amazing. She didn't deserve to die."

"No good person ever does."

"I couldn't agree more."

I don't hear anymore sobbing in the background. Taylor must've stopped.

"How is Makayla and your father taking it?"

"Dad's in shock. He doesn't really do much these days. I came back from college a week ago and I've pretty much been taking care of all of them for the past week. I've been taking the classes online instead. Makayla doesn't exactly know what's happened...she's still too young to understand, I think. I'm grateful for that."

"How old is she now? 4?"

"3 and a half."

"How's college going?"

"Would've been better with Caleb."

Justin, Taylor's older brother, was best friends with Caleb. They were planning on rooming together at college, but that plan was thrown out. Makayla is Taylor's little sister. She's always been a cutie. I'm also grateful that she's too young to know what exactly is going on. Makayla's always liked me better than Hailey, which I think she was a little jealous about.

"Speaking of Caleb...we were walking through the cemetery the other day; we, meaning Taylor and I, and we didn't see Caleb's stone."

"How hard did you look?"

"Hard enough."

"I don't remember his stone at all. You could've just walked by it."

"It probably got knocked over. We've had really bad storms here lately. Lightning, hail, everything."

My heart sinks a little bit. "Oh."

"We can always get a new one."

"No. It's fine. It would've happened someday anyways."

"Are you sure?"

"Ya."

I hear quiet murmurs, then, "I'm gonna hand back the phone. Bye Be-Tris."

"Bye Justin."

The phone is rumbly for a few moments, then it's clear again.

"I liked Caleb, you know," is the first thing she says.

"I know you did. Everyone liked Caleb."

"No, that's not what I meant B-Tris."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I like, liked him. Like...more than my best friend's brother, liked him."

My eyes widen. "Oh...I had no idea..."

"I didn't tell anybody. For good reason."

"I can understand that."

A few moments of silence pass.

"Well...I know that I shouldn't even be able to be talking to you right now...so I'll let you hang up. I really appreciate you talking to me."

"Sure. It was...nice."

I'm being honest. I'm surprised at how easily I could talk to her again.

"You always were too selfless for your own good. Thanks for not yelling at me like I thought you would."

"Of course. I know you've changed...no one can't not change after something like that."

"I've tried to change who I am. So...I'll talk to you later?"

She says it cautiously.

"Ok."

I hear her sigh in relief.

"Hey Taylor?"

"Ya?"

"Keep me updated."

"On what?"

I hear her confusion.

"About...school."

"You mean, keep you updated on how accurate they hit the target each day?"

I wince at her words. "Yes."

"I can do that."

"Try not to get hurt too bad, ok?"

"You know I can't promise that."

I sigh. "I know."

A few more moments of silence pass.

"Bye Tris."

"Bye Taylor."

I hit the end button and sit there for a few minutes, just thinking. I pinch myself hard, then wince at the pain. Nope. Definitely not a dream. My phone starts ringing again. Tobias. I look back up at him. He looks concerned so I answer.

"Hey..."

"Who was it?"

I sigh and then yawn.

"Can I tell you tomorrow? I'm honestly still kind of shocked right now. I think it'd be best for me to sleep on it."

"Tris."

"I'll tell you tomorrow. But for now, I'd like to sleep."

He raises an eyebrow. "Tobias, I'm being serious. I really will tell you tomorrow."

"Really."

"Yes, really! I will tell you, ok?"

"Ok...but you're telling me everything."

"Ok. Can I go to bed now?"

He smiles a little bit. "Sure."

I smile. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Tris."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ PAGE BREAK /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(Tris is still tired. She has already done everything to get ready for school (including the make up for her eyes). She's walking to the door to meet Tobias so they can ride to school right now.)

I open the door to see Tobias leaning on the door frame. I smile at him and lean back inside.

"Bye Tori!"

"C'ya Bea!"

I close the door.

"Bea?"

I blush slightly. "It's a nickname she and Caleb gave me. She still calls me Bea."

He smiles and kisses my cheek. "Well, good morning."

"Good morning."

He opens the door for me and I blush again as I get in. Once he's in too, he starts the car and the radio starts playing. I remember what I said last night, and quickly turn it off. He frowns.

"What?"

"I told you I'd tell you who called last night."

"So...who was it?"

"Remember what I told you about my two old best friends...?"

"Yes..."

I pause, trying to figure out how to explain it.

"Oh my God, Tris. You've got to be kidding me."

"I didn't even say anything!"

He gives me a side glance then looks back at the road. "You didn't really have to."

"Then tell me what you have seemed to figure out, oh great one."

"I'm guessing that one of them, not sure which one, called you and told you that they were sorry. Then you, being the kind of person you are, forgave them just like that."

He snaps his fingers for emphasis at the end.

I blush.

"It wasn't exactly like that."

"But I've got the outlines, don't I?"

"I haven't completely forgave her yet!"

"Really?"

He doesn't believe me, I can tell by his tone. Even I'm not completely sure if I believe myself.

"Tobias...listen. It wasn't like that."

"Then what was it like?"

"Taylor called me. She couldn't stop sobbing. I ignored her at first, and she kept saying how she knew she deserved it and how something happened. Eventually, she told me to say something, or to yell at her. I told her I wasn't going to yell at her and to stop crying so she could tell me what happened."

"So, if she was best friends with Hailey, why didn't she just call her?"

"I asked the same thing. She and Hailey got into a fight...she took my place at that school Tobias."

I say the last part quietly.

"What do you mean, your place?"

"Being the target of the school. That's what I mean."

He falls silent. After a few moments, he breaks it again.

"How do you know she's not lying to you?"

"I talked to her brother too. He's come back from college and has been taking care of her and her younger sister."

"What makes him so trustworthy?"

"He just is, ok?"

"No, tell me. What reasons has he given you to make you trust him?"

"Just trust me, ok?! I don't really like to talk about it more than I have to!"

I don't like talking about him because it brings back too many memories. Too many happy memories, forever damaged by depression.

"About what?"

"Tobias..." I say in a warning tone.

He clamps his jaw shut and stays silent.

"He's one person I trust a lot. Even more so than Taylor."

He stays silent for a few more moments.

"So, what was the something that happened to her that made her call you? Or was that it?"

I sigh and lean my head back onto the seat. I close my eyes as I think of Andrea.

"Her mom."

"Her mom...what?"

I feel a tear drop down my cheek and hurriedly wipe it off.

"Tris?"

He grabs my hand. I take a deep breath and feel us stop. We must be at school now. He turns the car off.

"Her mom and my mom were really close. Almost like her and Tori. So Andrea, Taylor's mom, was kind of like a second mother to me. She was one of the ones who visited me almost every week after the crash."

I pause.

"And..." he urges me to go on.

"Apparently she was diagnosed with cancer about a year ago. She wasn't responding to anything though."

He brushes a piece of hair back off my cheek.

"She died 4 days ago."

I open my eyes to look at him.

"I'm sorry Tris."

"No. Don't apologize. I'm fine."

He gives me a look.

"I'll...be fine."

"That sounds more like the truth."

A few more moments of silence pass.

"Her brother said that Caleb's stone wasn't there anymore. That they think it got knocked over because of the bad storms they've been having."

He gives my hand another squeeze.

"How did he know that?"

"He went searching for it the other day, apparently."

"Ok..."

"He probably was looking for places to bury Andrea. Then he just noticed that Caleb's wasn't there anymore and searched for it," I say quickly.

"Uh-huh...I don't believe that, but I'm not gonna push you."

"Just...if you see Taylor at the fair...please don't do anything to remind her of who she was. Please?"

He sighs. "I will if that's what you want."

"Thank you."

I reach for the door handle, but before I can grab it, Tobias' hand pulls me back. As quick as a flash, he has a hold of both of my arms with my sleeves pushed up to my elbows. I feel my face heat up immensely, but don't try to pull away yet. He sighs in relief when he doesn't find anything new.

"You kept your promise."

"I'm trying to. But it's hard."

He nods and pulls my sleeves back down. I pull my arms back right away and curl the ends of the sleeves onto the tips of my fingers. I grab the handle again and he doesn't stop me this time. Once I'm out of the car, I start to walk to where the gang usually stands without waiting for Tobias. I'm not mad at him; I'm mad at myself. I feel a hand on my shoulder, turning me around before I can even take 5 steps.

"Tris."

The next thing I register are warm, soft, lips on my own. He kisses me for a few more seconds then pulls back.

"I didn't want our conversation to end like that," he whispers.

I smile at him and continue walking towards the gang, who I can now see. Christina is making wild hand motions; probably telling a story. Her eyes meet mine for a second and her hands drop.

"TRIS!"

She starts running towards me. I don't get the time to look at Tobias before I'm brought into a suffocating embrace.

"Oh my gosh! Zeke told us you were sick! Are you better now!? Well, obviously you're better if you're here right now! But do you feel completely ok!? Like, 100% okay? Or do you feel li-"

"Christina, I'm fine!"

It slipped out before I could think. Her eyes go as wide as saucers for a moment before they go back to normal and a huge grin covers her face.

"Good! Now c'mon! We missed you!"

She takes my hand and yanks me forward. I stumble, but manage to regain my balance. She pulls me back to everybody. Tobias must have made his way over here during Christina's ramble and death hug. So he doesn't know I talked to her.

"GUYS! Tris is back!" Christina yells.

I'm met with a chorus of different responses.

"You ok?"

"I'm glad you're back!"

"Hey Tris!"

"Are you better now?"

"You're so lucky you missed school!"

"Pass your sickness on to me!"

The last two were said by Zeke and Uriah. What a surprise! Note the sarcasm. I open my mouth quickly, then close it just as fast. I look to Tobias and he gives me a slight nod.

"Yes, I'm fine now. And shut up you two!"

They stand there in shock for a second, then they all break out in grins, except for Zeke and Uriah, who break out in pouts.

"But Trissy..." Uriah whines.

I thump him on the back of the head. Then I do it again to Zeke. The gang laughs. They both rub their heads where I thumped them.

"What'd you thump me for? I didn't even say anything!" Zeke says.

"You're just as guilty. You came up with the nickname. Call me that again and it's gonna be a lot worse than a thump," I say, in only a halfway threatening tone since I have a slight smile on my face.

"Fine..."

I hear the sharp ringing of a bell and we all start to walk inside.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ PAGE BREAK /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

(To lunch! I just don't like writing about school. Ugh. School.)

I once again grab an apple and head to the back table. I sit in between Tobias and Uriah. Uriah's speaking when I get here.

"And so then, Striker jumped over the fence with the carrot and we all had to go try and chase him down. But then we found some cake-"

I lean over and whisper into Tobias' ear.

"Do you know what he's talking about?"

"Not a clue. I stopped trying to understand a couple of minutes ago."

I laugh a little bit and bite into my apple. Uriah keeps talking, but I block him out for now. I space out and just stare at the wall in front of me. I feel like I could fall asleep, right here, right now. But I know I can't, so I continue staring, just letting my mind clear out.

"Tris! Earth to Tris! TRIS!"

I blink several times and look at the person who yelled to me. It was Christina. I should've known.

"Sorry I was spacing out there."

"Obviously," she says with a smile.

"So...what did you need?"

"What was the best dessert you've ever tasted?"

"Mmmm...the cake I stole from Uriah's tray the other day."

She laughs. "Me too."

She then goes back to the conversation they were having before. I feel fingers interlocking with my own under the table and a squeeze. I look over at Tobias. His eyebrows are raised and I can see the silent question in his eyes.

"You ok?"

I smile and squeeze his hand back in response. He smiles. I turn back and continue eating my apple with my right hand, as my left hand is still interlocked with Tobias'.

Pretty soon, we all fall into a silence at the table. It's really surprising. But I guess now is my chance to ask them. I take a deep breath in and out through my nose. I feel Tobias squeeze my hand again. He must know what I'm going to do.

"Hey guys?"

They all turn their heads towards me and I get a chorus of 'ya's.

"Umm...I know you don't know me extremely well...but I was going to ask you if you guys wanted to come with me to something."

This seems to capture their attention. Christina leans forward and smiles at me.

"What is it?"

I quickly glance at Tobias out of the corner of my eye and he nods slightly, just enough for me to see.

"I was going to go back to my hometown in a couple of weeks. They always have this huge fair and I was wondering if you guys wanted to come with. It's in Ohio, but it's only about 3 to 4 hours away..."

I trail off. How else do I say that? After a couple of seconds, they all smile at me.

"I'll ask my parents and text you tonight! I hope I can go! It'd be so fun!"

"Ya, I'll do the same! Sounds cool!"

They all nod after the two comments. I feel myself relax and breathe a quiet sigh of relief.

"Are any of your friends gonna be there?" Christina asks.

I tighten my hold on Tobias' hand. I felt him go stiff after the question. He's probably wondering how I'm going to respond. Wondering if I'm actually counting Taylor as a friend.

"Yes, actually. I think one of them will be. Maybe 2."

"What are their names?"

I take a deep breath through my nose so it's not noticeable.

"Taylor and Justin. Taylor will be there for sure, while Justin...I don't know."

Christina nods and lets the subject go, but Zeke adds playfully, "Ooh...is Justin your boyfriend?"

I choke on my apple. "No. Never has been, never will be. In fact..."

I look at Tobias from my peripheral vision.. He's looking at me too. He squeezes my hand.

"In fact what?"

"In fact, she already has a boyfriend," Tobias says. I blush.

Christina practically yells, "What!? Who is it!?"

Neither of us answer. Then her head starts to move side to side, looking at both of us. A huge smile breaks out on her face.

"Oh my gosh! No way!"

"What?! Who is it Christina?!" Shauna yells.

"You really haven't figured it out yet?" Will asks, disbelievingly.

"Well, sorry Will. Not all of us come from Erudite!" Uriah yells.

I laugh at their bickering.

"You don't have to be Erudite to figure it out! Christina figured it out right away and she was from Candor!"

"Oh, just kiss already!" Marlene and Lynn say. Will and Christina both blush.

"C'mon! It's obvious you two like each other! Don't be a pansycake!" Uriah says again.

"You can't say nothin baby bro! It's obvious you and Marlene like each other too! Just put us all out of our misery of watching you two shamelessly flirt all the time!"

Now it's Uriah's and Marlene's turn to blush. I laugh even harder. My stomach muscles hurt from all of it. I haven't laughed like this in a long time. I hear Tobias laughing beside me.

"We don't flirt!" they both say at the same time, then blush even harder.

"Oh ya. I can totally see that you don't," Lynn says.

"Guys, leave them be!" Christina yells.

"How 'bout all of you just kiss or hold hands or something! It'd make our lives a lot less complicated!" Zeke says.

"Guys shut up!" Shauna yells. The bickering stops.

"Obviously, not all of us know who it is. So if you could be so kind to tell us Christina, we'd really appreciate it."

I've stopped laughing but I still have a smile on my face.

"Thank you, Shauna. Ok, well you see, it's someone we definitely all know. We're in the same faction. We all-"

"Just get to the point!" Uriah yells.

"Ok, ok! Jeez! It's Four!"

They all stare at us for a few seconds. I blush. Being the center of attention was never something I liked. Zeke is the first one to snap out of his trance.

"You owe me me 10 Uriah!"

Uriah snaps out of it. "Dang...couldn't have you guys waited two more days before you got together?"

"Wait-you bet on us?" I ask.

"Oh ya! I bet you'd get together before the end of September and Uriah bet after the end it! So pay up little brother!"

Uriah, grumbling, takes out his wallet and hands Zeke a 10 dollar bill. I can't help it. I laugh.

"Wait-so when did this happen?" Christina asks, staring at me.

"Two days ago, after school," Tobias answers for me.

"And why didn't you tell me?!"

"Well, I was gone yesterday."

"Oh, right. I forgot."

I feel him squeeze my hand.

"Are you two holding hands right now?!" Marlene shrieks.

I blush even harder. All the girls break out into grins. Even Lynn. But her smile is barely a smile. I make eye contact with her and she rolls her eyes, not at me, but at them. I smile and stifle my laughter. I nod at Lynn. We both think alike. She smiles a little more at me. I guess she's come to the same conclusion.

"Maybe, maybe not. But even if we were, it's not that big of a deal," I say.

"Whatever you say..." Christina says.

The bell rings, saving Tobias and I from more questions. I squeeze Tobias' hand before letting go and standing up. I throw the rest of my apple away and head to class.

**Ya, ya I know. Not a good place to end on. Want to know another fact? I had an extra 5,000 or so words added onto this. Then I was scrolling through it and just knew it was way too long for one chapter. So I will have the next one up in a week or so! Ok?! Ok! And THANK YOU SO MUCH. AGAIN. BECAUSE I CAN'T SAY IT ENOUGH. Can we get to 300 reviews?! Please? It's only 14! And like I said before, just a smiley face will do! Cause I like smiley faces.;) SO LET'S DO IT.**


	25. Chapter 25

**So before I do my little celebration let me do my usual routine of not so bad excuses. When I said I'd post within a week, I had no idea that the clipboard lost those extra 5000 words attached. I had no idea I would have 4 big tests that week. I had no idea I would have 3 all-day Saturday volleyball tournaments in a row. I had no idea my great grandma would have a major stroke and be in the hospital. I had no idea that she would only have a 10% chance of living. I had no idea how busy I would be. And I also had no idea how fast the time flew by until I realized it was almost October already. So I'm so sorry for the wait guys...but I hope you guys understand that sometimes life makes writing fanfiction so much harder.**

**OH MY GERSH THANK YOU SO MUCH! EEK! I HIT THE BIG 3-0-0! AHHH! HERE'S CHAPTER 25! **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Divergent. Never have, never will.:(**

**Tris' POV**

**(After school. Tris beat Tobias out to the parking lot again and is waiting by his car.)**

I hear my phone buzz from my backpack. I swing it off my back and hang it from my arm. I feel for it in the bottom of the mess of papers and pencils. It buzzes again and I can finally find it. I pull it out and see I have two texts. I open the first one. It's from Tobias.

**_Are you already out in the parking lot?_**

I am about to reply with 'yep', but I haven't even sent it yet when I suddenly feel arms wrapping around my waist. I jump and hear him chuckle from behind me. I turn around and punch his arm lightly.

"You don't have to reply to that," he says quietly in my ear.

I roll my eyes. "Oh, really? I didn't know that."

"I could tell."

I smile and laugh lightly. "You scared me."

"Oh, really? I didn't know that," he replies, mimicking me.

I give him an annoyed look and he quickly steals a kiss. When he pulls back, I'm smiling again. He unwraps his arms from my waist and walks around me to the door. He opens it up for me again.

"You don't have to do that."

"And what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't?"

I roll my eyes and get in anyways. He hops in a few seconds later and turns it on. He backs out of the parking lot and starts to drive home when I remember that I had another text. I pull it out. It's from Taylor. I frown and read it.

**_Only if you want to...Justin kinda mentioned you to Makayla accidentally and now she won't quit bugging me about wanting to talk to you._**

I'll talk to Makayla later. But for now I text back, thinking about school today.

_How are you today?_

To anyone else, it would seem like a simple, polite, text. But she and I both know better.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing," I say, sending the message quickly and putting my phone on the center console.

"Who is the text from?" he continues, ignoring my statement.

"No one."

We pull up to our houses and as soon as puts it in park, his hand reaches over and snatches my phone.

"Tobias!"

He doesn't listen and I can hear the sound of my phone unlocking. Tori and Tobias both have unlocked my phone without my permission now. I'm gonna have to start thinking about putting a passcode on that thing.

"Tobias! Give me that right now!"

The center console placement wasn't a great idea. Why'd I do it in the first place?

"Of course it's Taylor," he says, with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

I roll my eyes. "Tobias? Give me my phone."

He keeps his eyes on the screen, obviously reading the message.

"Who's Makayla? And Justin?"

"Just give me the phone!"

"Who are they?"

"It doesn't matter! Now give me the damn phone!"

I'm getting really annoyed. I'm slightly angry as well. I hear it buzz again. I pray for it not to be Taylor for a second time, but of course, as I figured out a long time ago, praying doesn't work for me.

"Only a few bruises? What does that even mean?"

I let out a sigh of relief. They didn't hurt her too bad today.

"Tris? What does that mean?"

"It was none of your business to begin with," I snap. I should stop snapping at him. I should stop and I know it. But I can't. I can't control myself most of the time and I hate myself for it.

"Maybe not, but I still want to know!"

"Dammit Tobias! Just give me the phone!"

"I want to know!"

"You don't need to know! It's nothing for you to be worrying about! Just give me the phone!"

I hold out my hand and after a hard staredown between us, he plops it into my hand. I hastily shove it into my pocket and grab my book bag. I have the car door halfway open when I hear his quiet mumble.

"She isn't abused, is she?"

I freeze. That's why he wanted to know. No wonder he reacted so strongly to her 'Only a few bruises' text. He doesn't know that she's keeping me updated on school. Of course abuse is the first thing that would pop into his head. Why wouldn't it after experiencing 10 years of it himself?

I gently shut the door and place my bookbag back down in front of me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize what that probably sounded like to you until you asked me that," I quietly say.

He's staring out the front window, avoiding my eyes. I don't blame him. I'm mad at me too.

"Is she abused or not?"

"No. Not at home, no."

"What do you mean, not at home?"

"I told you, she took my place at that school."

"No one should ever hurt someone like that."

"Ya, try telling them that."

"That's sick. I can't believe they would give her bruises like that for absolutely nothing."

I laugh dryly and shake my head.

"When I sighed earlier after you read me that text, it was of relief, not sadness."

Now he turns to me. A look of anger is in his eyes. "Why would you be relieved over that?! I know you don't like her like you used to, but I never thought you'd stoop that low to be glad that someone else got hurt!"

"Tobias, calm down! That's not what I meant!"

"Then what did you mean!?"

His mouth is in a thin line.

"The days when you only get a few bruises are the good ones."

He frowns and the angry look slightly dissipates. He stares at me for a long while.

"What are the bad ones?"

I smile sadly at him. "Those days...you probably don't want to know about. I don't want you to have any more fuel to hurt Eric than you already do."

"Tell me Tris. I want to know what you went through."

I stare at him for a couple of minutes, debating whether or not to tell him. Eventually, I decide to tell him. I sigh and turn away from his eyes. I stare at the tree in my front yard through the windshield.H

"The bad days were..." I trail off, searching for the right words. They come to mind slowly, piece by piece, so I pause between each sentence.

"...the days when you could barely walk. When you couldn't see out of one eye because it was too swollen to be seen out of. When you were dizzy and only wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. When you had pain radiating through every part of your body. That's what a bad day was."

He keeps quiet and I keep staring. A few minutes pass.

"And Eric did that to you?"

His voice is harsh and cold. Nothing like the voice I know.

"Not just him."

"But he the main cause of it?"

His voice is still hostile and I tense up subconsciously.

"Yes," I whisper.

I see his fists clenching and unclenching around the steering wheel out of the corner of my eyes. I turn and look at him. His jaw is clenched and his shoulders are extremely tense. I slowly reach out to touch him. When my hand makes contact with his shoulder, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. His muscles relax slightly.

"Tobias, I'm not there anymore. It doesn't matter," I whisper.

"It does matter, Tris. It matters that you had to go through hell 5 times over."

"Tobias-"

"It matters, okay Tris? So don't ever say it doesn't."

We sit in silence for a few minutes. I keep my hand on his shoulder, but he doesn't relax anymore. I can tell he needs time to think. Alone. I squeeze his shoulder gently and let my hand drop from his form.

"I'm gonna go inside, okay? I'm not sure what you're thinking about, but I know that it'd be best if you were alone."

He only nods. I grab my bookbag again and swing it onto my shoulders. I lean over to Tobias and softly kiss his cheek before I get out. I walk the 10 short feet to my house and go inside without looking back at him. I'm not mad at him, don't get me wrong. Like I said before, I'm mad at myself, not Tobias. How did I not know why he reacted so strongly to the text? I should've known. He never acts the way he was. I don't know why I couldn't see that sooner.

I sigh and climb up the stairs slowly. Once I get to my room I let my book bag drop onto the floor and it lands with a loud thud. I lay down on my bed for a little while before I decide that I don't want to be here. I walk back downstairs and write a note to Tori, telling her not to worry and that I'll be back. She'll probably assume that I just took a walk or something.

I walk into the hallway and slide the panel back. I quickly step in and shut it behind me, going down the stairs. Once I get to the end, I open the door and get comfortable on a bean bag facing away from Tobias' door. I don't want to be thinking about him the whole time I'm talking. I pull out my phone and stare at it for a second before calling Taylor. It rings a few times before she picks up.

"Hi B-Tris."

"Hi Taylor."

"I'm guessing you got my text?"

"Ya."

"I'll get her. Just give me a second."

There's a moment of silence, then "Beatrice!"

I wince and pull the phone away from my ear. She squeals really loud. I put in on speaker phone and lay it down in front of me.

"Hey Kayla-bo-Bayla."

I always called her Kayla-bo-Bayla and she would always call me-

"Hi Bumblebea!"

She was smart and one day figured out that the beginning of my name could be the end of another word. And Bumblebea is what she came up with.

"How is school?"

"It's so fun! I'm in pe-school!"

I smile a bit. She has trouble with r's, just like a lot of other preschoolers her age. She sounds so cute trying to say it.

"You mean pre-school?" I say, emphasizing the r.

"Ya. Pwe-school."

I giggle just a tiny bit. Close enough. I lay back on the bean bag and close my eyes while I talk.

"Have you made any friends?"

"Ya! Sophie and Lizzie and Cwistina! Cwistina's really loud! Just like me!"

Now I laugh out loud.

"Why are you laughing Bumblebea?"

"I have a friend who's name is Christina too. She's really loud."

"What does she look like?"

"Well, she has dark brown hair and dark skin. She has brown eyes."

"Like chocolate?"

I smile again. "Exactly like chocolate."

"Well, my friend has black hair and gween eyes. She's vewy pwetty."

"She sounds like it."

"Hey guess what, guess what, guess what?"

"What?" I laugh at her energy.

"I have a boyfwiend!"

"No way! You can't have a boyfriend!" I tease her.

She giggles. "Yes I can! His name is Adam!"

"Hmmm...I don't know if you should..." I continue to tease her.

"C'mon Bumblebea! Tayla told me you had a boyfwiend!"

"When did she tell you that?" I ask, trying to rid my mind of Eric.

"Ummm...a long time ago?"

I smile a bit. "Like a couple of years ago?"

"Ya! But if you can have a boyfwiend then I can have one too! Wight?"

I laugh at her eagerness for my 'approval'.

"I suppose that would be okay..." I say and let out an exaggerated sigh. She squeals and I smile even bigger.

"Hey Bumblebea! Do you want me to sing the ABCs?! I luned that song today!"

"Sure, why not?"

"Ok! A, B, C, D, E..."

I space out for a couple of seconds while she sings. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I tune back in at the end of the song.

"-time won't you sing with me?"

I clap since it's on speaker phone. "Good job Kayla-bo-Bayla!"

She giggles. I hear Justin in the background. It's muffled and quiet but I can understand him.

"Makayla, let me talk to Tris please!"

"But Justin-"

"Makayla."

It's silent for a tiny bit and I can just see them staring each other down like they always would do. For a 4 year old, she's got a lot of fire.

"You could go make sure Dad is okay. See if he wants to talk or eat yet," Justin says.

It's silent for a little while longer. Finally, Makayla sighs.

"Fiiiiinnnnee. I'll go check on Daddy. Bye Bumblebea!"

"Bye Kayla-bo-Bayla!" I laugh.

"Hey Tris. Wait-it is Tris right?"

I smile at his trying to please me. He and Caleb were best friends and through that, he and I became really good friends too. It was really nice. It still is nice.

"Ya, it's Tris."

"That's what I thought."

"So...why did you want to talk to me?"

"Can't a guy just want to talk to his friend?"

"Not a guy that stares down his little sister in order to talk to this so-called friend."

He sighs. "You got me."

"I sure did. Now spill."

"I just want to thank you. For what you did for Taylor. She's changed. I mean, I know you knew that, but I don't think you really knew the extent of her change. She has really shaped up. She's been helping me a ton around here with Makayla and Dad. She cut her hair so it's barely past her shoulders. She either threw away or sold most of her makeup. She only left what was necessary. And that was before you said you forgave her."

I'm not too shocked at the helping around the house change in her. But I am a little shocked that she cut her hair and threw out most of her makeup.

"How'd she change after I said that?"

"She...it's like she walks differently now."

"What do you mean?" I'm a little confused.

"She stands taller than she used to. She walks more...confidently. She's stronger and she's become really independent. Your forgiveness really did a lot to her. And I want to thank you."

I smile a microscopic smile. "I'm glad it changed her. I always knew she was capable of change, and now I'm pretty sure she knows it too."

"Thank you Tris."

A few moments of silence pass.

"How's your dad doing?"

"Still not responding to anything. The doctor said yesterday that there really wasn't much they could do. Said to give him a week or so and he will come around."

"I hope that week goes by quickly for you guys."

"Me too."

"What are you doing about college?"

"It's still early in the year so I called over and got myself enrolled in the online classes for right now. I explained what was going on and they understood and said to only do the classes when I had the time. They said when Dad is finally able to take care of them and when I feel comfortable leaving, I can go back on campus."

"That's really nice."

"Ya, it definitely makes my stress level go down."

"Good luck with all of it. I know you'll need it."

"Thanks. I really think that we just need to get out of this house and do something to take our minds off of everything. It gets so stuffy just staying inside all the time."

"Ummm...I have an idea..."

Is this really a good idea, Tris?

No, it's probably not.

"What is it?" He sounds really curious.

"What if you went to the fair in a couple of weeks?"

"Oh my gosh. Is it really only 2 weeks away?"

"Yes."

"Wow, time went by fast. That is a perfect idea. I think that's what the children of this household need."

"Did you just call yourself a child?"

"Well technically, I called myself a child of this household. I will always be the child when I'm in here."

"You'll always be the child everywhere you go," I tease.

"Well played."

"Thank ya very much."

A moment of silence passes. "Hey Justin?"

"Yeah?"

"If I tell you this, will you keep it a secret? That means no telling Makayla or Taylor."

"Ummm...okay?"

Last chance to back out Beatrice.

"I'm coming back," I quickly say.

Silence.

"Really? When?!"

He sounds excited, confused, and doubtful.

"In a couple of weeks...for the fair. And so...well...so I can visit...them."

"You really are coming back?" He sounds disbelieving.

"Yes, I am. I'm coming with, quite possibly, some friends as well."

"Wow...I can't believe you want to come back."

"I don't think it's a want so much as a need."

He obviously understands and stays quiet for a few moments.

"I won't tell Taylor or Makayla. I promise. Do you still have my number?"

I do. I don't know how I didn't delete it when I was trying to push away any memories from Haviland, but I didn't. I deleted Taylor's, but not Justin's. Maybe it was thoughts of Caleb, or maybe it was just the thoughts of the only friend that didn't turn his back on me, but his number is still saved to my contacts.

"Yes, I do."

"Then you can just text me if you want to meet up or whatever."

"That sounds good."

"Listen, I have to go. It was nice talking to you again, Tris. Thank you for everything...again."

"Bye Justin."

"Bye Tris."

The phone hangs up and I don't reach for it to shut it off. After a few moments, the phone goes black automatically and I hear a voice behind me.

"So that's Justin and Makayla?"

I nearly jump to the ceiling, it feels like. My heart is pounding. After the initial shock leaves me I turn around and stand up.

"How long have you been down here?"

"Not that long?"

He says it more as a question than statement.

"Tobias. How much of that did you hear?"

"Umm...the whole thing?"

I sigh and slouch down a bit. Of course he heard everything. Why wouldn't he?

"Of course you did."

He actually looks a little bit guilty. "Sorry."

I sigh and sit back down. "Yes. That's Justin and Makayla."

"How do they know Taylor?"

"They're all siblings."

"Oh." He nods slightly.

Minutes of suffocating silence pass by.

"Hey Tris?"

"Hmm?"

"I can't make the promise not to hurt Eric."

This makes me sit up as quick as a flash.

"No Tobias. You have to make that promise. You have to."

"I can't. But I don't know what he looks like."

I frown a little bit. I can tell there's more. "And...?"

"And that means that I can't hurt him unless he personally provokes you."

"So what you're saying is that if he tries to hurt me in any way, physically or mentally, you'll hurt him? But if he leaves me alone, you won't?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

I sigh again and stare into his eyes. They're still filled with anger from the earlier conversation.

"Tobias...I don't think-"

"I'm not asking for your approval, Tris. That's what the deal is. I just figured I should let you know."

I slouch again, defeated. It doesn't matter what I say. He's going to do whatever he wants, whether I like it or not.

"Ok," I whisper.

He lets out a small breath and some of the anger evaporates from his eyes.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry."

He comes and sits next to me, but doesn't touch me. He gives me some space, but not too much. He gives me just enough to know that he's there.

"Oh umm...you forgot this. It must have fallen off. I found it in your seat after you left," he says after a few moments of silence.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gold chain. I quickly reach to my neck and find nothing there.

"Oh my gosh."

He smiles a bit at me. "I figured you'd want this back."

He's still holding it in the air.

"I'm so glad you found it."

"Me too. I really don't want you to have another reaction like you did yesterday."

I blush, but I'm so relieved right now that I don't really care.

"Thank you so much."

He nods and spins his finger around in a circle. "Turn around."

I do, and within seconds I feel the heart falling into my chest. I hear the slight click of the hook as it clasps. His fingers brush across the back of my neck as he sweeps my hair out of it. Goosebumps raise all over my body at the feeling of the slight brushes. I turn back around and find him staring intently into my eyes. I get lost in them and we stare at each other for what feels like hours.

A buzz comes from the floor and my gaze quickly breaks to look at the source of the noise. My phone is lit up and I have a text from Christina.

**_I can go, I can go, I can go!_**

It buzzes again. It's from Zeke.

_**Me and the dork can go.**_

It quickly buzzes again. Shauna.

_**Me and Lynn can go!**_

Marlene and Wll.

**_I'm going!_**

**_I can go._**

I smile a bit and check the time. Tori would be home by now. I turn back to Tobias and his hand raises to brush the hair away from my eyes. His fingers slowly slide down my cheeks, chin, nose, eyebrows, lips, and forehead. His thumbs end up under each of my eyes and his hand on my cheek. I close my eyes and lean into his hand a bit. I stay there for about a minute before I open my eyes up again.

"Are you still tired?" he asks.

I shrug, not knowing exactly how to reply. His thumbs wipe under my eyes a few times and I know the makeup has come off. He lets out a breath and I sheepishly smile. He kisses my forehead and pulls me into his arms afterwards. We sit here for a long time, just enjoying each other's presence. No words are spoken. There's only silence.

I sit on the couch with Tori, watching a TV show that I'm not too familiar with, but it's a good comedy that makes me laugh a lot. I think Tori said it was called Brooklyn 99? (If you watch this show, you get a virtual high five!)

I've already eaten the tiny bit of supper I was told to eat so I'm free for the rest of the night. Which by free, I mean going to bed earlier and probably doing nothing productive until then.

I watch this show for a while more with Tori until a yawn escapes me.

"Hey I'm going to head up to my room, ok Tori?"

"Sounds good."

I reach over and hug her for a few moments.

"Love you, Bea."

"I love you too, Tori."

We let go of each other and I slide off the couch. I slowly walk up the stairs and when I enter my room, I pretty much collapse on the bed. I lay there for a few minutes before sitting up. I look behind me at the window and see that Tobias isn't in his room.

I turn back around and the piano catches my eye for some reason. I stare at it for what feels like hours when it's only minutes. I stand up and walk towards it. I study the keys for another few minutes. I reach a hand out and tap a key. I wait for memories to start flooding into my brain and for the tears to start flowing.

But they never do.

Before I can decide differently, I sit on the bench and slowly press the keys with all 10 fingers. I take off my left hand and by muscle memory, play the C scale with my right. I do the same with my left hand once I'm done with my right. Then I start to run my fingers up 2 octaves at a time. I surprise myself by being able to do this easily after 2 years of not touching the piano. Mom always did say I had a gift, but I never believed her. Maybe, just maybe, she was right. Maybe.

Maybe I was supposed to play the piano all this time. I remember when I was younger, playing the piano was the only way for me to release my emotions properly. If I was angry, sad, elated, nervous, scared, or any other emotion, I was always able to play the piano to release my emotions. Maybe I should've played the piano instead of...cutting. Instead of trying to overdose.

I play all the scales with each hand before I stop. That's enough for me for now. I push back the bench and stand up. I lift the lid to the bench and pull out my favorite piano book from the piles of dusty books. I carefully set it on the sheet music holder on the piano and leave it there...in case I ever want to play from it again.

I go and lay back down on my bed, feeling more relaxed than I have in a while. I pull the covers up and pretty soon I'm cocooned in a sea of blankets and feel myself starting to fall asleep. I close my eyes. Right before I fall asleep, I hear my door open and footsteps quietly come near me. I hear someone whisper into my ear very softly.

"Beautiful, like always. I love you Beatrice."

**Ok! I'm so happy and I bet you guys are gonna be happy when you hear this too! NEXT CHAPTER IS THE BEGINNING OF THEIR TRIP TO HAVILAND!**

**I will try and write as much as possible guys, but I can't promise anything. High school is crazy. I have Spirit Week this week and the Homecoming game and dance on Friday. I had a volleyball game tonight and I also have one tomorrow night. I have an Algebra test tomorrow and had a science test today. I also have two French tests this week. Speaking and written. So...that's just this week. Like I said, it's crazy. **

**I'll try and update as soon as I can, but I definitely, (like I said), cannot promise you guys anything. I wish that I could just drop my life and write for you guys sometimes, but sadly, it doesn't work like that. Good news is volleyball ends in 2-3 weeks for me and my Saturday's will be open again, along with the weekdays. Whoopee!:):):) **

**But anyways...thank you guys so much for getting me to 303!:) Can we get to 313? Can we? Huh? Huh?! HUH?! I think so. Thanks so much for all your support! I can never ever thank you enough!:):):):) I can't wait to start writing Haviland!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Thank you guys so much for all the reviews! You make me do a little happy dance whenever I see I have a new review, favorite, or follow! I want to thank you guys so much for everything!:) **

**And guys...I would've updated sooner but...I'll just cut right to the chase. **

**My best friends' Mom just passed away. She's been fighting cancer for not even a year and she was doing good until she took a turn for the worst. I haven't been writing this chapter for a while because of that. I've been trying to be there for her during this time. To me, that's more important than trying to update ASAP. Also my great grandma passed away on the same night...so...it's been a rough couple of weeks for everyone.**

**But now...like I said in my AN last time, Spirit week was a few weeks ago. And for Character Day, I dressed up as TRIS!:) Combat boots, the Raven tattoos, black v-neck, black jeans, high ponytail, black leather jacket, EVERYTHING. WOOOO!**

**Disclaimer: I'm only a Tris Prior imitator...so sadly, I don't own her. *cries***

**Chapter 26**

**Tris' POV**

We're going to Haviland today. It scares me more than it probably should.

We're leaving in 3 hours. It's 6:00am right now, and I wish I could've gotten some sleep. I've been up since...well, since I first laid down. I haven't gotten any sleep tonight. I've been tossing and turning, occasionally closing my eyes, but never falling asleep. I can't shake the feeling that something is going to happen on this trip. I'm not sure whether it is good or bad, but then again, since when does this feeling ever mean something good? Especially for me.

My eyes feel like small 100 lb weights are on top of them, pushing them down. I close them for a minute, but Eric's face starts flying through my mind and a nervous shake passes through my body, just like every other time I've closed them. I finally tell myself to give up on sleep and get up.

I sit up and throw the covers off of me. Everyone is supposed to be here at around 8:30 that way we can load up the bags and eat breakfast before we go. It's Friday and we luckily have the day off of school so we don't have to worry about making up any homework for today. We will be gone for 4 days. The fair starts tomorrow and, like I said, it's huge so it'll take us 2-3 days to see everything. We will come back Tuesday afternoon. So we'll only miss 2 days of school.

We're scheduled to arrive at Haviland at around 1:00. But knowing my friends, it could definitely be sometime completely different. We're taking 2 cars because 1 won't be able to hold us all. We've already decided who's riding in what vehicle, and who's driving.

In the first vehicle, Tori is driving. Zeke and Shauna will be in the next row back, with Tobias and me in the very back row. In the second vehicle, Will will be driving, since he's the one least likely to be distracted and also because he's the most sensible one out of the rest of the people in that car. Christina is riding shotgun, with Uriah and Marlene in the row behind them. Then that leaves Lynn with the very back all to herself, which, needless to say, she was _very_ happy about.

I get out of bed and get dressed in sweatpants with shorts underneath and a tank top. Ya, ya. I know what you're thinking. A _tank top_?! I wouldn't freak out too much about it though. I'm covering the cuts up. No one will know they were ever there, except for, of course, Tobias. I'm also throwing on a sweatshirt, so don't freak out at all actually.

I go into the bathroom and open the cabinet above. I take out the scar concealer, which Tori knows I have but only assumes it's for the scars from the wreck. I'm glad she doesn't think any more of it.

I expertly put it on and stare at my almost-plain-looking-but-not-quite-normal wrists. They look normal enough not to be looked at twice unless you actually knew there was something there. At least, I think they are.

My eyes close again, but Eric's voice is pulsing through my mind again. I see him throwing me around my old room, yelling at me, eventually getting me on the bed. I see him drag the knife down my stomach again and my eyes snap open. I lift my shirt up just enough to see the scar. I see the white, scraggly line covering my stomach and tears sting my eyes. How could I let him do this to me?

_Because you're a weak coward. That's why._

I shake my head to rid me of my thoughts and quickly move on, putting on my necklace, brushing my hair, and throwing it in a low ponytail. I dyed my hair last night and it hasn't faded so I don't have to worry about that. I walk back out to my room and throw a sweatshirt on for now along with some fuzzy socks. I might as well be comfortable for the ride down there.

I go downstairs quietly, not wanting to wake up Tori. But as I get towards the last stairs, I hear her voice.

"Good morning, Tris!"

Not expecting it, I jump just slightly, but it was enough to make me slip on the last stair. I fall to the floor and land on my elbows.

"Shit!" I quietly say, noting the pain running up my arms.

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have scared you like that! Are you ok?"

I see her hand reach down for me to take. I lift my arm and take her hand, slightly wincing at the pain. She gently pulls me up.

"Are you ok?"

"Ya, I'm fine," I say grimacing.

"Why are you up? It's still really early!"

"I could ask you the same."

"Well I figured I needed to try and start getting things ready so we can actually leave on time. Now, what about you?"

I shrug, trying to act nonchalant. "I woke up a little bit ago and couldn't fall back asleep."

She frowns and I'm afraid that she's going to ask more questions. After a few seconds of staring though, she lets it go.

"Well, since you're up, you might as well help me out. I'll start loading suitcases from upstairs and how about you make us a couple coffees?"

"Sure," I say.

As she walks away I can hear her mumble, "God knows I need caffeine at 6:30 in the morning."

I smile slightly and head over to the kitchen to start the coffee.

**Time skip to 8:00am. (There will probably be quite a few of these in this chapter, so fair warning.)**

I hear a knock on the door and go over to open it.

As soon as I do, I hear, "Good morning, beautiful."

I feel myself blush. "And there goes 1 of your 5 compliments for the day."

"I'm never going to stick to that limit of 5 you gave me. You know that, right?"

I sigh. "Well, it was worth a shot. Trying something is better than trying nothing."

He smiles slightly. "Good morning, Tris. Better?"

I smile back. "Much. Morning Tobias."

I open the door fully and let him walk inside before closing it again.

"Is anybody else here?"

"No, not yet."

I hear Tori's footsteps come down the stairs.

A second later she's down here, holding her cup of coffee. She's on her third one already. Well, at least, I've only seen her filling the cup up three times. She could've filled it up another time when I wasn't looking.

"Oh God, here we go," I mumble quietly.

She's been extremely energetic since that coffee. And I mean, _extremely_ energetic. Tobias heard me and turns to me with a confused look on his face, but I can't explain before Tori starts talking.

"Oh, hey Four! Nice to see you! Good morning!"

"Good morning Tori. How are you?"

I smile slightly. He's always so polite. Right now, Tori seems pretty normal. But I know that that's going to change right about...

"Well, I'm actually doing great!"

Now.

"I feel alive now! I'm definitely awake! Woo! I'm never going back to sleep! What about you?"

I struggle to hold in my laughter. She's definitely awake, alright.

"I'm good," he says with a skeptical look on his face.

"Good, good! Well I'm just gonna go outside real quick and wait for everyone else to show up! It's beautiful outside! Have you noticed!?"

"Umm.." Tobias starts to say, but is interrupted.

"Tris, you start on breakfast! And Four...do whatever you want!"

She hurries to the door and I look up, struggling even more when I see the bewildered look on Tobias' face. I'm the only one who has seen Tori like this before. Tori is never this talkative around anybody, unless she's had her coffee, obviously.

As soon as the door shuts behind her, I burst out laughing. Tobias turns to me, still with the same look.

"What did I miss?"

I keep laughing for a couple of minutes. Once I'm finally calmed down, I answer.

"You didn't miss anything except for the fact that she's already on her third coffee. Maybe even fourth, I don't know!"

Tobias chuckles. "So that's why she was acting like that."

I nod. "Exactly."

I start giggling again, thinking about how she's going to act when everyone else starts showing up. Tobias just rolls his eyes at me and smiles.

I turn around and walk to the kitchen, Tobias following behind me. I already have pancake batter made so all I need to do is pour it onto the griddle. But first, I need to get the griddle...which just so happens to be on the top shelf.

I jump up onto the counter and swing my knees over the edge. I turn and stand up, finally being able to reach the griddle now that I'm 3 feet up off the ground.

I grab the griddle and hear him laughing behind me.

"What?"

He shakes his head as he replies. "It's just funny watching you try and reach high places."

"Oh, shut up! I can't help that I'm short!"

He smiles and takes the griddle out of my hands. He sets it down and plugs it in, setting the temperature and letting it heat up. I'm still standing on the counter, but he still stands as tall as my stomach.

"Dammit. Why do you have to be so tall?"

Now he laughs. He doesn't reply, but his laugh is enough of one for me. He gently grabs my waist and I grab his shoulders. He swings me down from the counter and I smoothly land on my feet. I open the fridge and grab a stick of butter. I grease the griddle very quickly then rush to the cabinet. I search through the drawers and shelves for the chocolate chips so I can add them to the batter.

"What are you trying to find?" he asks me just as I pull a bag out.

"These."

Since my socks are fuzzy and the floor is polished wood, I slide to the bowl instead of walking. I pour most of the chocolate chips in and stir it up before I steal a couple of them plain and shove them into my mouth.

"Mmmmm..." I say as the chocolate melts.

I know I'm acting like a little kid on Christmas morning, but right now it's keeping my anxiety at bay. Plus, I did have a coffee of my own, so that's helping as well. I can tell I need another one...I'm starting to get tired again. And once I'm tired, my anxiety will start to come back. So I reach over to the coffee machine and start one.

I slide back to the cabinet and put the chocolate away, but not before I snitch a few more. Then I slide back over to the griddle and pour a few pancakes out onto it. I hear a small beep from the coffee machine and see that it's already done. Thank you technology.

I grab the coffee and take a huge gulp from it. Then I start flipping the pancakes and making sure that every flip is timed just right. Every time I make pancakes, this is how I entertain myself; by perfecting each and every flip.

I forgot Tobias was in the kitchen with me until I turn around to check the time and see him leaning up against the edge of the counter, arms crossed with a small smile on his face, watching me.

"What?" I ask for the second time this morning.

He shakes his head. "Nothing."

I raise my eyebrows at him and take another drink of coffee. I stare at him through the top of the rim and wait for him to say something. Maybe to tell me this 'nothing' he was smiling about. And he does speak, but it's not about the 'nothing'.

"How much coffee have you had?"

"This is only my second."

He raises one of his eyebrows at me. "Only?"

"Two is not that much!"

"Isn't that enough?"

"Not when you're about to go into the town that destroyed you. And with a high possibility of the trip ending in a disaster," I mutter.

I turn back to the pancakes and silently curse at myself for letting them sit just a tiny bit too long. They're not burnt by any means, but they're not the exact same shade as the others.

I continue to make pancakes, but no longer with the same enthusiasm as earlier. I'm thinking about all the different ways this trip could go wrong, and I've come up with at least 10 already. I take another large drink of coffee.

I feel arms wrap around my waist from behind.

"This trip is not going to be a disaster," he whispers into my ear.

"How do you know that?" I whisper back.

"I know because I'm not going to let that happen."

I let out a breath. "I just...I have this feeling like I know something is going to happen and I don't like it."

"Who says it couldn't be something good?"

"Ha. Since when do good things happen to me in that town?"

"They could start happening."

I shake my head just slightly. "I wouldn't bet on it."

It's silent for a few minutes while I finish up with the pancakes. I hear voices from outside and know that everyone else has shown up.

I turn the griddle off and unplug it so it can cool down. I turn around in his arms and smile a little bit at him.

"Well, let's get this show on the road."

**Timeskip to when they're getting in the cars.**

"If anyone needs to use the restroom, now is the time!" Tori yells out.

Uriah and Zeke both rush inside. Tori rolls her eyes and smiles.

"If you need to do anything else, do it now as well!"

I ended up dumping the rest of my second coffee so I'm extremely tired again. Although, I don't think anyone can tell yet. I turn around to Tobias, who is standing right behind me.

"I'll be right back," I say then rush inside before he can reply.

I go into my room to grab a blanket, but at last minute I decide not to take one from my bed. I run out of my room and rush to the attic stairs. Once I climb those and I'm in the attic, I search for the box of things I packed up from Caleb's room. I find it pretty quickly and open it up real gently.

I don't let myself dwell on his items for too long; I don't want a floodgate to open in my eyes. At the bottom of the box, I finally find what I was looking for. I pull out his blanket that he got when he was 12. He absolutely loved it. It's dark blue, soft, fuzzy, and really comfortable. I smell it and am happy to find that it still smells like him. It's faint, but it's there. I stare at his belongings for a minute more before I close the box and head back downstairs with the blanket in hand. I grab another blanket from the couch just in case anybody else needs one.

I rush outside to find everyone climbing into their seats in the different cars. Just in time. I head over to the car that Tori is driving and see that Zeke and Tobias are already inside, waiting for Shauna and I. I climb into the backseat next to Tobias.

"That's what you were getting?"

"Yep."

"Are you sleeping on the way there?"

"Most likely."

He nods.

"Where's Shauna?" I ask.

"Somewhere, I dunno," Zeke answers. I roll my eyes.

"Wow, what a way to answer."

"I'm just stating a fact here!"

I laugh a little bit. We wait for a minute or two then hear Shauna yell, "I'm here!"

She climbs into the car and Zeke asks, "Where were you?"

"I was talking to Lynn. I figured we had a little bit of time before we left still."

"I forget that you're sisters sometimes," I say.

"It's easy to do. We don't look that much alike and our personalities are way different so you're not the only one who forgets, trust me."

She smiles at me. I smile back.

"That's good."

Tori climbs into the car a moment later and starts the engine. She turns around.

"Well, are we ready?"

We all say some sort of yes. She smiles. "Then let's get going!"

I turn my head to the back of the window and look at our house get smaller and smaller as we get farther away, until eventually it disappears completely. I feel a squeeze on my hand and know it's Tobias. I turn back to sit normally in my seat. We joke around with each other for about 20 minutes before everyone falls silent.

"Well, I woke up at 7:00 so...I'm tired. I'm going to go to sleep," Shauna says.

"Sleep does sound really good," I say.

"I don't mean to be a party pooper, but if this fair is as huge as you say it is, then I'm gonna need my sleep."

She takes off her jacket and hands it to Zeke.

"Hold this for a second."

"Got it."

She lays down on the seat with her head in Zeke's lap.

"Cover me up with that thing," she tells Zeke.

"Demanding much?"

Zeke is smiling, so we all know that he doesn't really mean it.

"Please!" she says.

He laughs. "Well, since you used the magic word I guess I have to now."

"Hey Zeke don't cover her up with that! I got an extra blanket before we left. It'll be much more efficient."

I hand him the blanket and I see it puff up in the air for a second before it lands on Shauna's body.

"Thanks Tris!" Shauna says.

"No problem. Well you boys can stay up if you want, but I'm going to go to sleep."

"Stop sleeping people!" Zeke yells.

"Babe. Shut up," Shauna says. I laugh a little bit.

"Ok, ok. Fine."

"Thank you."

Even though she told him to shut up, I can hear them whispering quietly to one another.

I lay my head on Tobias' shoulder. He wraps his arm around me and grips my arm gently. I yawn and my eyes start to close. But once again, Eric's face and voice start flashing through my mind and they open right up again. Tobias notices.

He whispers, "How much sleep did you get last night?"

"Ummm..." I trail off, trying to figure out how to answer.

"If I say none, would you believe me?"

He lets out a breath after thinking for a minute. "The bad thing is, I would believe you."

We stay silent for a moment.

"Why are you going to sleep now? Why didn't you just get some sleep on the couch before everyone showed up this morning?"

I blush slightly. "I usually don't have any...nightmares or...anxiety when I'm with you. Or at least, not as bad."

After a few minutes of silence, I take my head off his shoulder and lay down with my head in his lap. I cover myself up with Caleb's blanket and wrap it around me tightly, breathing the slight scent in.

"That's not yours, is it?" Tobias whispers.

"Huh?" I snap out of my momentary daze.

"The blanket. That's not yours, right?"

I frown a little bit and turn so I'm laying on my back and can meet his eyes.

"No, it's not. How did you know?"

"I don't remember seeing a blanket anything like this when I was over. Whose is it?"

"Observant, are we?"

"Yes 'we' are."

"Are you always that observant?"

"I'll answer that question when you stop avoiding mine."

I sigh and stay silent for a little bit, staring into his eyes. I stare in them for so long I forget I'm supposed to be answering the question.

"Tris? Are you stalling or are you just being stubborn?"

I blush. Neither, actually. I turn back around again.

"It was Caleb's."

"You miss him a lot, don't you?" he asks after a period of silence. I stay silent for a little bit. Tears sting my eyes but I blink them away.

"Ya, I do. Everyday," I say, my voice cracking a bit in the middle of the whisper.

I feel Tobias start to stroke my hair and I take a deep breath, calming down. It works and we both are silent. My eyes fall shut a few times, but I keep opening them, afraid Eric will show up again. But eventually, I can't fight it anymore and my eyes stay shut.

I'm shaken awake, although my mind is still fuzzy so I can't register where I am right away. It definitely does not feel like my bed.

"Tris? Tris, wake up, we're here."

Here...where exactly is here?

Then I remember. We're in Haviland. I'm laying on Tobias' lap in the car.

My eyes fly open and I sit up quickly. Probably a little too quickly because my vision is slightly covered in black for a second or two.

I look up front and see Zeke waking Shauna up as well. We both slept for the whole trip. I guess we needed it. I look out the window and see that we're still moving. He woke me up while we were still in Haviland. We're staying in a hotel a few miles out of town while we stay. Haviland is way too small of a town to have a hotel, so that's why we're staying somewhere else.

I continue staring out the window, looking for something different, something new, or something...out of place. I'm just looking for something to stand out for me. I want to see change, although the farther we go along, I realize it's stupid. Nothing has changed.

The park Taylor, Hailey, Makayla, Justin, Caleb, and I would all hang out at looks the same. The same tree I used to climb stands unchanged and the swing set is still just as rusty. Wonderful memories start to fill my brain and I actually smile at them.

I finally turn away from the window. I look at Tobias and meet his eyes for a few seconds. Then I smile again and grab his hand. He smiles back and I lay my head on his shoulder. I watch out of his window.

"This is a cute little town, Tris. I can't believe you got to grow up here. I've always loved small towns," Shauna says.

"I guess I got pretty lucky."

Well, sort of lucky anyways.

It's silent for the rest of the trip to the hotel which takes about another 20 minutes. It goes by quickly and soon enough we're pulling into the hotel parking lot. We all get out of the car and a couple of minutes later, the other car pulls in.

They all climb out as well and we grab our luggage from the trunks of the cars. We all are talking as we go into the lobby. We all sit on the couches as we wait for Tori to check us in. When she comes back, she doesn't have only 3 key cards like we imagined; one for the boys, one for girls, and one for her. Instead, she has a whole stack. Before we question, she starts talking.

"I trust you guys. Don't make me regret this. Ok?"

Everyone still looks confused.

"Zeke and Shauna, here is your's. 212," she says as she holds out a card.

All of our eyes widen. I can't believe Tori is doing this for us! And apparently, the others are shocked too.

"Well, are you gonna take the card or not?"

Shauna takes it hesitatingly out of her hand, as if she thinks Tori will snatch it back and tell us it's just a joke. But she doesn't.

"Uriah and Marlene, here's yours. 214."

Uriah takes his.

"Will and Christina. 213."

Christina snatches it before Will can.

"And Four and Tris. 216."

She smiles at me. I give her a small smile back as I take the card.

"Now get to your rooms everybody! I'm in 224 if you guys need anything! You have the rest of the afternoon to do whatever you want."

We all stand up and walk towards the elevator. Once we all file in and get to our floor, we separate into our rooms. But before I can, Christina grabs my arm and forces me to stay outside with her for a few minutes.

"Hey Tris, I just want to let you know that I'll always be here for you."

I frown. "Ok...but, why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I know that we aren't here just for that fair."

"What?! Christina, what are you talking about?"

My heart starts to race. I'm worried that she actually knows the true reason we're here. It's not that I don't trust her, but I just don't feel like opening up to her yet. How did she know?!

"Listen, I came from Candor and I'm your best friend. I can tell when somebody is lying or if they're only telling a half truth. In your case, it was the half truth. Just know that I'll always be here, ok?"

It takes me a couple of seconds to understand her points.

"Tris, ok?"

I look into her eyes. "Ok."

"Oh, and get some sleep. You're exhausted."

By now, I don't even question how she knows what she does.

She smiles and squeezes my hand before she slips back into her room. I stand outside for a couple more moments, then go back into Tobias' and I's room. As soon as I enter, I feel arms wrap around me and pick me up. He spins me around for a few seconds.

"Tobias!" I squeal.

He chuckles behind me and sets me back down. I turn around.

"What was that for?"

"To make sure you know that everything will be fine."

"And you had to do that by spinning me around...why?"

"To see you smile."

I smile again but I bite my lip to hide it slightly.

"So, I think Christina is right about you needing sleep."

"You heard that?"

"Only that part. I was coming out to see what was taking you so long and I heard her say that."

"Oh."

"Why? What else did she say?"

"Just….stuff."

There was a reason Christina talked to me in private. I'd like to keep that conversation between us.

"Just stuff, huh?"

I feel my cheeks warm. I probably could've come up with something better than that, now that I think of it. I open my mouth to try and explain, but he doesn't give me the chance.

"It's ok, Tris. I understand that it's between you and Christina," he says and kisses my (still) warm cheek.

I smile at him. "Thanks."

I take off my shoes and set them down by the door next to Tobias'.

"Now, back to my first statement. You need sleep and we have the rest of the afternoon to accomplish just that."

"I'm fine. I just took an almost 4 hour nap."

"Well I'm pretty sure that an average person is supposed to get about 8 hours of sleep a night. And for teens, even more than that. So, you've got some more to make up."

"I'm fine."

"Um, I'm pretty sure 4 hours of sleep is not going to cut it."

"Tobias, really. I'm okay. I'm not tired."

"Your eyes say differently."

I open my mouth to argue, but a yawn escapes my mouth instead. My cheeks heat up again, slightly because I'm frustrated but also because I'm embarrassed he proved me wrong. He smirks at me, obviously knowing he won this little argument. I roll my eyes.

"So is this the part where I say 'I told you so'?"

"No, this is the part where you shut up and carry me to bed."

"Interesting, I've never seen that happen when someone wins an argument…"

"Just do it."

Now that he knows that I'm tired, I don't need to hide it anymore. I allow my shoulders to droop and my eyes to be weighed down.

He stares at me with the same smirk for a couple of seconds before he picks me up and sets me on the edge of the little couch. He pulls back the covers before he picks me back up again and lays me on the bed. He grabs the remote to the tv and climbs in next to me. He puts a couple of pillows against the headboard and lays up against them. Then he turns the tv on and starts to flip through the channels. He looks so nonchalant, so relaxed, so carefree in that position; ankles crossed, shoulders relaxed, and hands clasped on his stomach.

I close my eyes for a couple of moments, silently taking a picture of him like this in my mind before opening them again and sitting up. It's hot in my sweats.

"What are you doing?"

I don't answer him. I just take off my sweatshirt and sweatpants and place them lazily off the side of the bed and onto the floor before tiredly scooting up and resting my head on his now outstretched arm. I curl up into his side and relax as I feel his arm go around my back and his hand rest on my hip. He kisses the top of my head and pulls the sheet up to cover me with his free hand. I close my eyes and let myself drift away with the light buzzing of the tv.

**Ok, ya it's been a long time. But I explained everything up above, so sorry if you still don't understand why it's been this long. **

**Anyways...I wrote an extra long chapter with extra Fourtris to reward you guys for your patience! I really am extremely guilty and sorry it took me so long, but life happens sometimes and you've just gotta go with the flow. So, sorry again.**

**I know this chapter wasn't filled with any drama or anything too interesting yet, but it's coming! I swear!:) **

**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 326 REVIEWS GUYS! It means more to me than you'll ever know to see an email saying that I have a new review or follow or favorite! It really makes my day much more enjoyable and much more bearable. (Especially on Mondays. O_o) Can we get to 340 reviews?! And I need your opinion...I think I might do Four's POV for PART of the next chapter. Yay or nay? **


	27. Chapter 27

**So I've been reading your reviews and it seems that some of you are worried that I'm going to give up on LTLTI….DO NOT WORRY! I promise I will finish this story! I love writing it and I will never EVER give up on it! Please don't worry about that you guys! I'm going to keep writing! It may take awhile for updates now because of some big problems I have going on in my life right now, but I will always update, ok?:) I also have had a ton of tests and finals...it has just been hectic!**

**Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving and Christmas by the way! Oh! And a Happy New Year! :)**

**Also, I've gotten several 'Yay's for Four's POV and I've also gotten some 'nay's as well! I decided that I will do Tris' POV for this chapter, but Four's POV for part of next chapter. I have some ideas for a chapter, and most of those ideas came through my mind as Tobias' thoughts. So Tobias' POV for a chapter soon and Tris' POV for this one!**

**And also, again, I'm so so so so sorry for the wait. I just have some really big issues in my life right now and school is really hard to stay on track with so I barely even have any time for myself. And when I do (I hate to say it), but writing is definitely not on the top of my list. When I have free time I either get on my Xbox and play with some friends or just relax watching tv or playing on my phone. So I'm sorry. I hope you understand. :(**

**And for my next act, I will apologize in advance for this chapter. It's not my best work ever. It's just a filler chapter, but next chapter will be either the fair or the visit to the cemetery. Can I have feedback in the reviews about which one you want to see first? That'd really help me out a lot! :)**

**Disclaimer: I'm feeling incredibly lazy right now and don't feel like coming up with a witty and/or funny disclaimer. So uhh...I don't own Divergent.**

**Chapter 27**

**Tris' POV**

_Eric's chasing me._

_I don't know where I'm at but I do know I'm in the woods somewhere because of the endless trees and bushes I run by._

_"Beatrice, you can't run away from me!"_

_I try to move faster, but it seems like I'm going as fast as I can. I can hear him getting closer and I make a hard right, hopefully throwing him off and holding him back for a few more seconds. _

_"You can't run forever!" he yells. My turn didn't throw him off a bit. _

_I can feel myself getting slower, but I can't help it. It's like my legs are being filled with heavy lead. I feel his disgusting hands wrap around my waist and start to drag me. I scream and try to kick him. It only makes him angrier._

_"You bitch!"_

_He throws me to the ground so hard it knocks out my breath. I'm gasping for air on the ground when he kicks me in the legs. I roll over on my side. My leg starts to bleed from the kick. He's wearing spiked boots._

_"You're a weak, ugly, coward! I wish you hadn't been born! Everyone wishes you hadn't been born!"_

_He then kicks my stomach, hard. I can feel the gash open up and start to pour out my crimson blood. I scream out in pain and hold my hands over the cut, covering it from any further damage._

_"Shut up you whore!"_

_He kicks me again, but it doesn't hurt as bad as my stomach does. I start to cough, praying that more air will find its way into my lungs. I clench my fingers tighter around the gash. It hurts so much. I can feel tears streaming down my face at a heavy pace. I risk a look down and wish I hadn't. The gash is a jagged line all the way from my stomach to my chest. I can see the blood pouring out between my fingers and pooling in the grass beneath me. I can feel more blood leak out with each beat of my heart._

_I throw up on the ground beside me. Eric makes a disgusted noise and starts to drag me away from that spot, leaving a trail of blood behind us. I close my eyes and try not to focus on the immense pain that comes with the movement. How long have I been here? An hour? Two? _

_He sets me up against a tree a couple of minutes later. I open my eyes as he squats down in front of me. _

_"This will be fun," is all he says before he balls his hand into a fist and punches me in my stomach. I scream in pain but am quickly silenced by a punch to my jaw. My head throbs but my stomach throbs even more. I close my eyes again when the pain becomes too much. I can't hear him anymore. My thoughts become fuzzy and the world looks too much like a spinning top to do anything. As I feel myself drift off into unconsciousness, the last thing I feel is the unbearable pain from my stomach. _

I wake with a gasp and sit up. My stomach sears with pain and my hand flies to it instinctively. My head and heart are pounding.

I look around. It's dark. I look to the clock to see that it's 2:30 am. I slept through the entire afternoon, evening, and most of the night as well.

I feel a hand on my back, rubbing gently.

"Tris? You ok?"

I turn my head quickly to see Tobias sitting right behind me with a concerned look in his eyes. My head throbs from turning and I wince in pain but close my eyes to hide it. My stomach is throbbing as well. Why does my stomach hurt this bad? It shouldn't! It was only a dream! Just a made up cut!

Then I realize that it's not made up at all. It's the same cut Eric gave to me 3 years ago with a knife. But instead of a knife, this time it was a spike from the bottom of his boot. In my nightmare, he gave me the same cut, just in a different way.

I've had dreams like this before. The ones where I get this exact cut from Eric and I wake up with the scar hurting. Like the one where I slept on the couch and woke up to both Four and Tori standing next to me. My scar didn't hurt as bad then. Then again, I probably didn't pay as much attention to it as I am now because of the absolute terror that followed; the terror after the first dream with both my family and Eric in it.

My scar is still throbbing and it almost hurts as bad as the night I got it. Almost. But not quite.

I hear Tobias shift and can now feel his presence in front of me.

"Tris?"

I nod my head slightly, answering his earlier question, and open my eyes to look at him. My scar is slowly getting better; very, very, slowly. But my headache isn't dying down at all. I close my eyes again and rest my forehead on his shoulder in front of me.

"Yeah, right," he mumbles.

He probably didn't mean for me to hear that. Or maybe he did. Either way, I don't acknowledge it. I just continue sitting in the same spot while he wraps his free arm around my lower back. His other hand continues to rub it comfortingly. Eventually, the pain goes away from my stomach and head. I reluctantly pull back from his embrace.

"What happened?"

"Just a...it was just a dream."

"A nightmare?"

I shrug, acting as nonchalant as I can. "Ya, whatever. They're pretty much the same thing."

He rolls his eyes. There's a reason I didn't get Candor as an aptitude test result. I would never be able to tell the truth all the time.

"What's hurting?" he now asks, gesturing towards my hand on my stomach. I quickly take my hand off and put it by my side instead.

"Nothing is."

He gives me a look.

I bunch down a bit.

"...anymore."

He stares at me for a few seconds.

"I'm telling the truth!"

"Since we're in the truth-telling mood, why were you hurting before?"

I purse my lips. "It just happens."

He raises his other eyebrow.

"It just happens sometimes. I'm not sure why."

He gives me that look again. The look that says 'You're lying' and/or 'You're not telling me something'.

"It happens every once in awhile after I have a dream. I get this cut, and then when I wake up, it hurts like it did in the dream and it just hurts for awhile."

He nods, knowing I at least told him part of the truth. I lay back down and he follows a second later. I let a few moments of silence pass before I speak.

"I don't usually get nightmares like that that often."

"You don't?"

"No. Or at least, I don't get one bad enough to wake me up."

"Is it because you're back home?"

"This isn't home anymore...but yes. Probably."

It's silent for a moment.

"Are you okay now?"

I nod. "Ya…I'm fine."

I can tell something else is bothering him from the way he seems more...spaced off. I'm not sure if I should acknowledge it yet or not, so I don't speak.

I let a couple of minutes pass before I realize that he's not going to tell me what's bothering him without me asking about it.

"Ok. What do you have on your mind?" I finally ask after a few more minutes.

"What do you mean?"

I turn around to face him.

"There's something bothering you."

He sighs. "You know me that well, huh?"

"What's wrong?"

I'm not beating around the bush. I'm not a fan of that...well unless I, myself, am trying to avoid telling someone something.

"Can we talk Tris?"

My entire body tenses up with those words and I sit up again. Is he breaking up with me? Tears sting my eyes just thinking about that possibility.

"You know, I don't have much experience. But from what I've heard and seen, those words never mean anything good."

"What do you mean?"

I blink back the tears almost completely. "What I mean is that those words usually end in tears and/or the end of a relationship."

"No Tris! I'm sorry. That's not what I meant. I'm not breaking up with you or going to start a fight, I promise."

My body relaxes slightly.

So if he's not breaking up with me, then what else could be bothering him that made him want to talk about it at 3 in the morning?

"Can you lay back down now Tris?"

I look at him and meet his eyes. Even in the dark, his blue eyes are so very noticeable. Not just noticeable, but something more...they...stand out. They light up every room. They are...indescribable.

After staring at him for a little while more, I lay back down next to him again. Face to face.

It's silent for far too long. If he doesn't know how to start this then I won't know how to answer.

"I'm not gonna like this...am I?"

He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. "No. Probably not."

I take a deep breath and exhale. "Ok. Then just get on with it."

"I know you've told me a little bit about this already,..but it's been running through my mind for a while and I need to know more than what you said about it."

"Faster please?"

"About the day you...uhh…"

He scratches the back of his neck. It dawns on me what he's trying to ask.

"About the day I almost killed myself?"

He tenses up just a tiny bit and looks away from my eyes. I wouldn't have noticed him tense if I didn't know him so well. I know the ways he hides his emotions. And I have a feeling I probably shouldn't have been that straightforward about it.

"Yeah. That."

"Sorry. I've had a long time to deal with it so it doesn't bother me to be that straightforward….sorry."

"No, you're fine...I...just...I need to know more about it."

"I'll answer any question you have, ok? Just...ask whatever, I guess."

It's silent for a moment and he looks back to meet my eyes again.

"Why did you do it? Other than the obvious reasons."

"You're gonna have to be a bit more specific here...I don't know what the 'obvious' reasons are."

"Okay...well first off, when did you think about it?"

I have to think for a moment.

"About a week before I tried...I think?"

"So why did you do it?"

"I told you that."

"All you told me was when you did it and what stopped you. You never told me why."

I release a breath. "I-I don't know...I just felt like I had to do it."

"Why, Tris? Tell me why."

I really don't want to tell him about the dark thoughts running through my mind at that time. Especially the thoughts that crossed my mind after I failed.

"I don't know, okay!"

"I need to know, Tris."

His eyes bore into mine and I quickly look away.

"Why do you need to know?"

"It's been bothering me."

"But...why?"

"If it wasn't important to me I wouldn't ask."

"You're avoiding my question."

"So are you."

He stops me right there from continuing the dispute.

"Fair enough."

I stay silent. I'm not sure what to say. I know he wants me to tell him why I thought I had to do it, but the truth is, I don't remember all of my thoughts from before. When I woke up at the hospital I couldn't quite remember what I did. I remembered that I tried to kill myself and that I shouldn't be there, but I couldn't remember much from about 10 minutes before I started taking the pills to after Tori stopped me.

The doctors told me that for the amount of pills I took I'm lucky to be alive, let alone remember as much as I did. They were expecting much worse obviously. They had asked me to tell them my name, where I lived, my birthdate, etc.

They made me see a therapist twice a week for two months to see if I made any progress. It didn't help. I didn't say a word to him for the whole hour and a half session, twice a week, for two months. He eventually gave up on trying to get me to talk. Tori tried to get me to talk to him as well, but she should've known I wouldn't talk. And eventually, they both learned.

I can handle myself. I don't need someone to talk to about my...problems. I have trust issues and I know that. So there is no way in hell I would just open up to somebody like that. I'm too stubborn for it and I don't trust some random stranger with all my 'problems'. Screw that.

My thoughts are interrupted.

"Tris, c'mon. Please tell me."

"Sorry...I was thinking."

He stays silent. I'm glad. I have to think about this….I need to give him a real answer.

A couple of minutes later, I think I finally have something to tell him.

"I guess I just felt hopeless in some sorts. For days after the crash, I kept hoping that I would just wake up, you know? When I realized that it wasn't a dream, I just...shut down. I only had horrible thoughts and I couldn't focus on anything but what was crossing my mind. I eventually thought that it would be better if I was…uhh...dead, so I, umm...took matters into my own hands, I guess."

It's again silent and I refuse to look into his eyes. How are you supposed to when you've just talked about….that? I start to get a little bit short of breath. I turn to my side and scoot a little bit away from him. It's silent still. The silence is killing me. It's so loud. I have to say something. Anything, to kill this deadly silence.

"I hope that answered your question, because I don't remember anything after that."

"What do you mean, you don't remember?"

My breaths start to come back a little more evenly at the sound of our voices.

"It's fuzzy around that time period...I don't remember anything much. All I remember is Tori shouting at me to stop and hearing pills scatter across the floor. And everything after that is black."

I wait for a response. Any response. But it doesn't come. My breaths stop coming in evenly and my eyes burn. I listen for the sound of...well, I don't know. Crickets, maybe? They should be up at this time, right? Right?

Apparently not. After waiting for what seemed like hours, I still haven't heard anything. At. All.

Does Tobias hate me now? I know it's stupid of me to think this, but I can't help it. Silence is one of my worst enemies. It's so loud. It overpowers everything.

My breaths are coming in shallower. I need some water to calm me down and somewhere where I can actually get some peaceful silence. Private silence. Silence that I want to happen.

I throw the covers off of me in an instant.

"Tris, what are you doing?" I hear him shift but I don't look.

"I...just need...some...water," I manage to say in between breaths. I stumble to the bathroom and close the door quickly but gently, so it doesn't disturb our neighbors. I can think clear enough to at least know not to slam it. I lock it real quick as well.

I slump against the wall and close my eyes. It's silent only for a moment before I hear consistent knocking. I know it's not that loud, but right now it sounds like an elephant is ramming the door, over and over and over again. I open my eyes.

"Tris?"

"Just...leave me...alone for a...couple of minutes. Please."

The knocking stops but I hear him sit down against the door. Probably to make sure I wasn't going to do anything stupid.

I close my eyes again. Silence. Pure and utter silence. I let myself enjoy this peace for 10 seconds before I focus on getting my breaths even again. Once that is accomplished, I slowly open my eyes. I feel tired again now.

I sit down for another few minutes before I stand up. I go over to the sink and turn the water on. I let it get warm before I splash some on my face. It soothes me. I splash it on a few more times before turning the water off and drying my face with a towel. I look up at my reflection. Is that really my reflection though? Surely it can't be. Surely this black haired, baggy eyed, hollow faced girl can't be me.

But it is. Somehow.

I stare in the mirror for a few more seconds before I turn the water back on again. I stick my head under the sink and scrub until the last remnants of black are down the drain. I turn the water off and towel dry my hair. I brush it out quickly and look back into the mirror. This girl looks much different with the blonde hair. She almost looks like the girl I once knew. Not quite, but close.

I then remember that Tobias is still outside the door.

"Go back to bed Four. I'll be there in a minute," I say softly.

Silence follows for a couple of moments before I can hear him getting up and moving away from the door. I hear the bed creak and know he's done what I asked.

I stare at my reflection for a few more moments. One tear leaks out of my eye for unknown reasons. But it's only one tear. Then it stops.

Am I really going to let Haviland get the best of me? Again? Am I going to let it do this to me again? Am I going to let it change me into someone I'm not?

Not if I can help it.

This time, I'm going to do it right. Tris Prior is back and she's not going to let this town overpower her.

I grab my necklace and hold the heart for a few moments. The feeling that something (probably bad) is going to happen is still there, but I'm going to try and ignore it for now.

I pull away from my reflection and I sit against the wall again. I close my eyes and start to count to 10. But I start to feel myself nodding off about halfway through the count and lose track of what number I was on. The only thing keeping me awake right now are the lights. They are just bright enough to make the blackness behind my eyelids become a dark yellow.

I open my eyes and stand up. Not glancing at my reflection again, I shut the lights off in the bathroom and walk out the bathroom door. Tobias doesn't say anything so I can assume that he's either fallen back asleep or he is just waiting patiently. After watching him for a few more moments, I decide that he fell back asleep. I watch him for a couple more minutes before I silently crawl back in bed, my back towards him. I feel him shift. He must've woken up.

"You okay?" he sleepily mumbles.

"I'm fine," I whisper.

After a few moments of silence, his fingers touch my back and gently run up my spine to my hair.

I expect him to ask me what happened or why I locked myself in the bathroom, but surprisingly it isn't either of those two that he decides to talk about.

"Your hair is wet."

"Yeah...I rinsed it in the sink."

"So is it blonde?"

"Yes."

He shifts again. I hear a click and a dim light fills the space. I turn around to face him.

"Why'd you turn the lamp on?"

"It's been awhile since I've seen the real...you. I wanted to see you again," he says.

I stay quiet as he looks me over. I feel my cheeks burn and avoid his eyes. He chuckles and turns the lamp back off.

"What?" I ask.

"Most girls would kill for attention, but not you. You hate it."

"Well, I'm not 'most girls'," I reply.

"No, you're not. That's for damn sure. You're anything but that."

I stay quiet for a moment, trying to contemplate what he said.

"Is that bad?"

Even in the dark, I can see him shake his head. He tucks a piece of wet hair behind my ear.

"No. That's not bad at all."

I look back up into his eyes.

"You're different than all the rest."

He stays quiet for a moment longer. He looks like he's contemplating whether he should say something else or not. He must decide to say it because a minute later he adds on to his previous statement.

"That's what I love about you."

And I swear my heart swells up to the size of a balloon. For years, I've heard people say that their heart felt like it would swell whenever their crush/boyfriend/husband would give them a compliment and/or tell them that they loved them. I never really believed them. I always thought it was a bunch of bullshit.

Until now. Now I understand what they all meant.

I stare at him for a little longer before I scoot closer to him. I tuck my head into his chest and make myself as small as possible so I can get closer. His arms wrap around me and I close my eyes. I focus on his breathing and heartbeat. It relaxes me completely and I eventually feel myself start to nod off again. The last thing I register is the steady beating of his heart.

**PLEASE READ THIS AN BELOW. (Even if you don't typically read AN's, you need to read this. Please read.)**

**So...yes, yes I know. I haven't updated in 2 ½ months. And I am truly sorry. I don't know how many times I said it above, but I'll keep saying it! I'm so so so sorry! My mom has been in and out of the hospital twice now for a week each time. She just got home from the hospital last night, in fact. Plus, to top it all off, school has been hectic. **

**So, can you see why I haven't updated? I hope so. I don't want to lose any of you. You guys mean the world to me. You always manage to bring a smile to my face with your kind and helpful reviews, favorites, and follows! And even you readers out there mean the world to me! I'm so glad I got into Fanfiction guys. You have no idea how grateful I am for this choice. **

**Even when I was gone for a long time, none of your reviews were pushy! They were all encouraging and I'll never be able to thank you enough for that! I can't believe I got 54 reviews! That's unbelievable guys! I left you for so long without a chapter, yet, you gave me 40 more reviews than what my goal was! I don't deserve that, but thank you so much! I can't say it enough!**

**Anyways! I made this chapter a pure Fourtris chapter because I felt that I hadn't been giving you guys enough lately and you definitely deserve it! I love you guys so much! Now, I can't promise anything about when I will update again, but ****_hopefully_****, it will be next month sometime. Crossing my fingers!**

**Now I usually end my AN by setting a review goal. I'm not going to do that this chapter. You guys blew my expectations out of the water last chapter by a long shot. I don't want to set a goal because I feel that you have given me so much! I don't want to ask for any more! So I'll leave this up to you guys how many reviews I get! I want this chapter to be dedicated to you guys, and you guys only. I want you to remember this chapter as the chapter meant for you! So whether I get 0 reviews or 15 reviews, it doesn't matter to me. What matters is knowing that you guys have stuck with me this whole time. And I still can't thank you enough. **

**I wrote this AN out of the bottom of my heart. I don't even want to call this an AN. I'll just call it a message between me and you. You guys are absolutely amazing people. Sometimes when I'm feeling down, I log into my account and check the traffic graphs for this story. What I see each time nearly brings me to tears. Every time I see it, I'm blown away by just the numbers. All of the numbers. Favorites, follows, reviews, readers, views, everything. It's amazing to think that only a year and a half ago I started out only expecting a small handful of reviews. And I still find myself expecting it each chapter. I set my goals to what seems high to me, but each time you guys just completely blow it away. You people are the best supporters ever!:') So before I keep rambling on (because there's so much more I could say), have a good day/night!:)**

**Sincerely,**

**Aubreylovesthegames**


	28. Chapter 28

**Hey guys! I'm back! I worked really hard to try and get this chapter out sooner rather than later! So I won't keep you waiting any longer...HERE. IS. CHAPTER. TWENTY. EIG-**

**_~This Author's Note has been interrupted by Disclaimer._**

**Disclaimer: "Your intros suck Aubrey. But not the Divergent Trilogy. Bet you wished you owned it didn't ya? Well TOO BAD. Cause that's never gonna happ-" **

**_~This Disclaimer has been interrupted by Chapter 28. Enjoy!~_**

**Chapter 28**

**Four's POV**

The first thing I register is something like a feather tickling my neck. My arms are wrapped around this same object, but I don't know what it is.

The next thing I register is the bed. This definitely does not feel like my bed. Where am I anyways?

Then I remember. We're in Ohio. The gang is in Ohio as well and we're all staying at a hotel. We're near Tris' hometown.

Tris.

I slowly open my eyes. It's still pitch black, so it can't be morning yet. I wait for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, then pull back a bit from what I now have discovered is Tris' sleeping body. I can see her blonde hair in the darkness along with the outlines of her face. I take one arm off from around her and brush the hair back from her face. I run my fingertips gently and lightly down the side of her cheek. Her skin is like a baby's; smooth and silky.

I mentally take a picture of her as her original self; as Beatrice. It's not very often I get to see her like this; with her walls down. She very rarely will show even a tiniest sliver of vulnerability. She believes it makes her weak. I've asked her about it before. Why did she never ask for help or admit that she needed it? She bluntly told me that she felt weak asking and that she could handle herself. Needless to say, the conversation didn't continue after that. I'm smart enough not to push her.

I stare at her for a while longer. I memorize the absolute peace she is in when sleeping and not having a nightmare. It will be something I'd like to look back on each day or night when I see her hurting. I wish she could always have peace like this; it would make things so much easier for her.

If only I could take away some of her pain; I would gladly trade my wellbeing for her pain if it meant she wouldn't hurt. But sadly, that's not how life works.

I eventually close my eyes again to try and fall back asleep. After a couple of minutes, I hear Tris start to murmur and shift around. I open my eyes again to see her tossing and turning. She's having another nightmare.

"Stop...please…no...Eric…"

Just hearing Eric's name makes my blood boil in anger. But that's not what I should be focusing on right now. My main priority should be getting Tris out of this nightmare. I take a deep breath and exhale, releasing most of my anger.

I pull her body closer to mine so her head is next to my shoulder. I lean down and whisper into her ear.

"It's okay Tris. It's not real."

I start to run my fingers gently through her hair. She moves and whimpers a bit. Hearing her whimper like this makes my heart break just a little bit. I can't stand to think about the things that have made her like this.

"You're here with me. You're okay. I promise."

She goes still and I breathe a quiet sigh of relief. I gently place my lips against her forehead and see her body relax. I stare at her for a little while longer before cradling her small body against mine and closing my eyes, falling asleep once again.

* * *

**Tris' POV **

**(Sorry, but there's only so much I can do from Tobias' POV at this moment)**

I wake up entwined in Tobias' arms. My head is resting against his shoulder and my shoulders are hunched towards his chest. The top half of me is basically curved loosely into his figure. I feel myself blush a little bit. I've never been this intimately...close to someone before. I admit, it does feel nice, though. I blush a little bit more, even though I know that there's no reason to.

I lean back just a little bit from his embrace and look up into his face. He looks like his true age when he's sleeping. He looks and acts much older, most likely because of his being forced to grow up quickly; and probably because of his abuse as well.

I snuggle back into his chest and close my eyes again. A couple of minutes later, I feel him stirring.

"Morning Tobias," I softly say.

It takes him a moment to respond.

"Morning. How'd you sleep?"

"Other than that first nightmare...good. You?"

"Good."

We stay silent again, just enjoying each other's presence.

"I could get used to this."

"Used to what?" I ask, not bothering to mask my confusion.

"Waking up next to you."

I feel myself blush for the third time this morning as I hear myself reply without stopping to think.

"Me too."

His arms gently tighten around me and I close my eyes again. I start to feel sleepy and debate whether or not I should let myself fall asleep. I finally come to the conclusion that it's not a smart idea since I'm sure it's time to get up anyways.

"What time is it?" I mumble into his shirt.

He shifts a bit. "8:30. What time are we meeting up with everyone?"

As if in answer, my phone vibrates on the table beside me.

"Let me check."

Slowly and regretfully, I roll out of Tobias' warm embrace and reach for the phone. I look at my texts and see one from Christina.

_**Don't worry about having to get ready yet. Sleep as long as you want girl. You need it. Love ya.**_

I smile a bit at the text.

_What time are we meeting up Chris?_

_**I said don't worry for a reason. We're meeting up for a late lunch at 2:00. I took care of it (and you).**_

"Oh thank God." It slips my mouth before I can think about it.

"I take it that's a good sign…?" Tobias' voice questions.

I quickly text back.

_Thanks._

It only takes her a second to respond.

_**No problem:)**_

I turn my ringer completely off to avoid any further noise and crawl back into bed.

"We're not meeting up until 2:00."

"Why so late?"

"Well I'm 99% sure Christina had something to do with it."

"Why do you say that?"

He's smiling and I roll my eyes. I grab my phone from the table and unlock it. I go to the messages and hand it to him.

He reads through them quickly and hands it back to me.

"See? I'm not the only one who tells you you need sleep."

I smile and roll my eyes again. "Whatever."

I toss my phone back onto the table and roll back into his arms a moment later. He chuckles a bit and reflexively tightens his hold on me. It makes me smile and I stare up at him.

"Where are we meeting?"

"Don't know, don't care right now."

He chuckles. "I guess we won't figure that out until later then, will we?"

"Nope," I reply.

He kisses my forehead. A minute later he releases me and gets out of bed. I frown at him.

"What are you doing?"

"As much as I'd love to stay here with you for most of the day, we're only here until Tuesday."

I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. "And what do you have in mind?"

"I think you should take me to some of the places you need to visit again in Haviland."

I raise my eyebrows. "You're serious?"

"Couldn't be more serious." He smiles at me.

"I don't know…." I'm a bit hesitant of this. I don't want to run into anybody I know or knew.

He comes over and crouches in front of me. He takes my hands and stares into my eyes. I feel myself blush as I stare down at him.

"You'll be fine, ok? I'll be right there with you."

I take a deep breath and find myself nodding before thinking about it.

He smiles. "Good. You can take me wherever you want. I won't complain."

I can't help but smile back at him. It's contagious.

"Well then….I guess I know where I'm going first…."

"You get dressed, I'll go get some breakfast. Do you want anything?"

I shake my head. "No."

He gives me a look.

"I'll eat lunch, ok?"

He stares at me for a little bit more, then sighs. "Okay. Fine. I'll be back up in about 10 minutes."

He puts on some socks and shoes and slips out the door.

* * *

30 minutes later, we are both dressed and ready to go.

I don't know whether Tobias is making me take him places for my sake or his; if I had to bet, I'm guessing he's doing it for me. Regardless, I think it's time for me to revisit several places including the park, my childhood home, and some small businesses I used to visit with Caleb all the time such as the bakery and candy shop. It's time for me to try and move on.

I'm leaving my hair blonde for today. I know that each couple of the gang is out doing their own thing, so there shouldn't be any way they can see it. I threw my dye in my mini-purse so I'd have it for later when we meet up.

I texted Tori and told her we'd be using a car. She said it was fine and everyone else was just walking around, exploring.

"You ready?" Tobias asks.

I nod. "As ready as I'll ever be."

When we finally make it to the outskirts of Haviland, I make the drive I know by heart. When I park, it's in front of a house; my old house.

"Mind telling me where we're at?"

I take a deep breath, staring at what used to be my old home.

"My house."

It's silent for a minute and I see him nod in my peripheral vision. I finally take the keys out of the ignition and look at Tobias.

"Are you going to be okay?"

I take a moment, then slowly nod.

"It's time for me to get some closure."

He nods and smiles. I take the house key out of my bag. I've been holding these in my possession ever since we left. Tori had spoken with me about selling the house after we were packed up for Chicago, but I refused. I said I wouldn't let someone buy it until I visited it again. And I guess that this is that visit I talked about.

I hear Tobias get out of the car and get out before he can open my door for me. It's not I don't like it, it's just that I think it's unnecessary.

He meets me at the sidewalk leading up to it. He holds out his right hand and I smile gratefully at it and intertwine our fingers.

We walk up to the front door and before I can think about it for too long, I unlock the door. I put my hand on the handle to open it, but I pause. As soon as I open this door, the memories will come flooding into my brain. It will be the last time I open it. It will be my last glance of my past inside this house. I take a deep breath and twist the knob.

The door opens and I inhale sharply. I close my eyes for just a moment before opening them back up and taking a step inside.

The only thing I do is stare for a couple minutes. It's like I can see Mom, Dad, Caleb, and I in different parts of the house from different memories.

I let go of Tobias' hand and slowly walk over to the kitchen first. I look to my right and see 10 year old Caleb and 8 year old me racing down the stairs for Saturday breakfast. I see Mom laughing and Dad chuckling as he tells us to slow down before we hurt ourselves. I see Dad reading the newspaper and Mom drinking a cup of coffee while Caleb and I do the dishes, mostly splashing the water and soap on each other. I see Mom and I making cookies while Dad and Caleb keep sneaking bites of the dough. I hear the laughter and close my eyes, but as soon as I do, it's gone.

I open them back up and walk over to the living room. I stare at the corner where the Christmas tree used to be. Caleb and I are ripping open present after present, his consisting of many new books and video games while mine consist of new piano books/music and clothing.

I finally pull myself away and start heading to the bottom of the stairs. I see 12 year old me unwrapping my piano. It's probably one of my favorite memories.

I smile for a second. I turn around and see Tobias patiently waiting for me by the front door. I signal for him to come over and we both head up the stairs together, my fingers running along the wall as we go.

The first door we come to is one I'm not sure I want to open yet, so I walk by it. Maybe I'll open it later. Maybe.

The next door is the first one to open upstairs. I step inside and look around.

"This was my room," I say to Tobias, feeling like he should know for some reason.

The memory I 'see' is Caleb angrily pacing the room, swearing he would kill Eric for what he did to me. I see his face full of anger and then finally concern as I tell him not to go after Eric.

I see another memory, but it's not a good one. I see Eric throwing me around like I'm a doll. I see myself on the bed and him crawlinh on top of me. I turn away and wince as I 'hear' my scream.

"I'm done in here," I say and walk out, waiting for Tobias to follow me before shutting the door.

I look down and continue to walk down the hallway, but I stop when I feel his hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

I turn back around and smile a little bit.

"Yeah….I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

He raises his eyebrows and looks at me skeptically.

"It wasn't all good memories in here," I explain.

He finally nods and lets me go to the next room; Caleb's room. I take a deep breath and open it.

_"Cal?"_

11 year old me stands right next to...well, 17 year old me, and waits. I turn my head to the right and smile, knowing the memory all too well.

_"Why are you still awake, Beatrice?"_

Suddenly, the room is filled up with furniture again and I see Caleb. I stare at his face, trying to memorize it again.

_"I-I was asleep. I woke up."_

I was so innocent. So young. So naïve.

_"Did you have another nightmare?"_

He sighs as the 11 year old nods.

_"Come here."_

I step to the side as 11 year old me starts to walk, as if she was a real person at the moment. I slide against the wall and sit down, wanting to watch it.

"Tris?"

I snap my head to the right, and meet Tobias' worried eyes. I almost forgot he was here. I look over to the bed with people only I can see, then look back at Tobias and smile. I pat the space next to me, indicating for him to sit. He does without any questions. I scoot over onto his lap and lean back into his chest. He wraps his arms around me and I relax.

"It's Caleb's room," I whisper.

I watch 11 year old me cuddle up with Caleb, almost the exact same way. I smile subconsciously. Who knew that in 6 years I'd be in the same position with someone else in this room?

_"Nothing is gonna happen to them while they're gone. I promise."_

I'm still smiling as I watch Caleb rock me back and forth, lulling me to sleep. I finally hear the faint cheers from the TV screen and watch as Caleb leans down to whisper in my ear.

_"Happy New Years, Bea."_

Then suddenly, everything is gone. The furniture, the noise, Caleb and I; everything. The whisper carries throughout my mind and I take a deep breath.

"What's going on in that mind of yours?" Tobias whispers.

"Just….memories," I whisper back, a smile on my face.

He kisses the top of my head. We sit like this for a few more minutes before I finally start to get up. Tobias stands up behind me, pulling me up with him.

"Lead the way," he says, gesturing out the door. I smile and walk out, softly shutting the door behind us.

I stop at the door to my parents' room. I don't have a lot of memories here; only a few from when I was younger. As I open the door, I wonder if I'll even see anything, doubting I will.

But I do.

It's me again, but this time I'm a lot younger; I'd say probably about 4 or 5. I'm on their bed, shaking their shoulders lightly. They both rise up a little bit.

_"What's wrong Beatrice?"_ I hear Mom say.

It's only been two years since I've heard her voice, but it seems like it's been an entire lifeline. I feel tears sting my eyes and walk over to where the bed used to be. I look at my mother's and father's faces for what will probably be the last time.

_"I had a bad dream, Mommy and Daddy. Can I sleep with you?"_

_"Of course you can, Beatrice," _my father says.

His voice is so good to hear. I may have been a Mommy's girl, but Dad was just as important to me.

_"Try to get some sleep, ok pumpkin?"_ Dad says, after I've gotten settled in between them.

_"Ok Daddy."_

_"Goodnight, Beatrice. Sweet dreams," _Mom says, and then, just like the memory in Caleb's room, everything is gone.

I stare for a few more minutes and feel more tears start to gather up in my eyes. I blink rapidly, managing to get them to stay inside my eyes.

I slowly walk out of the room where Tobias is waiting. I gently shut the door and feel a lump form in my throat. I swallow, getting rid of it a little.

"I think I'm done, Tobias," I say.

"Are you sure?"

I nod. "I think so."

We start to walk down the hallway again, but Tobias stops at the first door.

"What's in there?"

I look at the bathroom door.

"It's the bathroom."

He pauses for a moment. "Do you want to open it?"

I try to think of any memories in there that are worth opening up the door for. But all I can think about is my body on the ground and Tori screaming as she sees me.

"No."

He looks at me, a little bit confused, until it must dawn on him why. His face suddenly turns grim and he nods before moving down the stairs. I follow him down the stairs, slowly, letting the surroundings and memories sink into my mind.

We make it to the front door before it finally hits me that this is the last time I'll ever see this place again. This is the last time I'll ever be in my true home. This is the last time I'll ever hear their voices and see their faces. Once I walk through that door, this chapter of my life is over, and I can't go back.

I fall to my knees, unable to keep myself up, and let out a sob, covering my mouth with my right hand. The tears start to spill over and I look around until my vision is too blurry to see anything. Then I close my eyes in an attempt to slow the tears

"Tris…." Tobias says trailing off. I hear him kneel down in front of me.

I open my eyes a bit and blurrily see two ocean blue eyes. I try to stop the tears, but I only end up crying even harder.

"Oh Tris," he says and pulls me into his chest.

I close my eyes again, but feel the need to explain myself and apologize for being so weak.

"This is...the last….time, Tobias. The last...time…ever."

"Shh...shhh...it's okay, Tris. It'll be okay. You'll be okay," he whispers.

He starts to rub my back comfortingly, and after a while, the tears start to slow down and the sobbing stops. I sniffle and pull away a few minutes later.

His thumb almost instantly comes to my cheek and gently wipes off a couple of tears. I raise both of my hands and messily wipe the rest off. I look down.

"I'm sorry." I scoff and add, "God, I'm pathetic."

"You're not pathetic, Tris. You don't need to apologize for this," he says, tucking some pieces of hair that were stuck to my wet cheeks behind my ear.

"Yes I do! I'm so weak, Tobias! I can't even walk through my own home without crying!"

He leans forward and kisses my forehead.

"That doesn't make you weak, Tris. You were having a weak moment, but that doesn't automatically mean you're weak."

"But I've had way too many weak moments for me not to be weak. You should know that by now."

"Tris, you are in no way, shape, or form, weak."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not. Tris, anyone else I know would have broken down as soon as they walked through that front door the first time. They would've continued to cry all the way through the house and even afterwards as well. But you didn't break down until now. You didn't even cry when we first came through Haviland. That takes some serious strength, Tris. And so far, you're the only person I've seen have that kind of strength."

I finally look up to meet his eyes. At first I think that he surely must not be serious, but then I realize that his eyes are full of truth. I blush and look away again. His hand comes underneath my chin and moves it back towards him so I meet his eyes.

"Tris, you're the strongest person I know. And I'm extremely lucky to be able to call you my girlfriend."

His words bring a tiny smile to my face. We sit there for a little bit, just staring into each other's eyes. I don't know why he likes looking in mine; they're pretty boring, but I do love looking into his.

We stay like this until I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I jump a little bit and blush, embarrassed I was staring for that long.

_"It's rude to stare, Beatrice,"_ I hear my father say in the back of my mind.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and see I have a text from Christina.

_**We're meeting up in 40 minutes in the lobby of the hotel to figure out where we want to eat. Be there.**_

"We're meeting at the hotel in 40 minutes," I repeat to Tobias.

"I thought we were eating somewhere?"

"Honestly, I would be fine without food…."

He gives me a look and I know that if Tori doesn't force me to eat today, Tobias will.

"We are going to the hotel to figure out where we want to go to eat."

He nods and stands up, holding his hand out for me to take. I grasp it and he pulls me up, interlocking our fingers when he's done. He tucks another piece of hair behind my ear.

"Do I look like I've been crying?"

"Hmm…."

He leans in close, narrowing his eyes like he's inspecting my face. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

"No, Tris."

A more serious look replaces his smile as he adds, "You look tough as nails."

He then leans even closer, closing the gap between our lips. He kisses me softly for a few moments before pulling back. I smile at him and open my eyes. He has a small smile on his face, too.

"Do you want me to drive?" he finally asks, breaking the silence.

"Could you?"

He nods and kisses me again. "Of course."

I slowly start to walk out the front door, still holding Tobias' hand. Once I'm completely outside, I take a deep breath and close the door as gently as possible as I exhale. I lock it with the key and quickly shove it back into my pocket before I have second thoughts.

I turn around and start walking back to the car.

"Hey Tobias?"

He hums in response.

"Can we stop somewhere so I can fix my hair?"

He squeezes my hand. "Sure. I'll miss your blonde hair though."

"Why?"

"Because it looks good on you."

I blush...again. When we get to the car I let go of his hand and rush to the other side before he can open the door for me. We both climb in and I put the key in my purse.

"Ready?" he asks me.

I take one last, long look at the house I grew up in, then nod.

"Ready."

**Ok! So here's Chapter 28 for you guys! And let me say, thank you so much for getting me to 400 reviews guys! That's unbelievable! I said this rant when I reached 100, 200, and 300 reviews, but 400?! That's crazy! Thank you so much for your support and patience with me! Life has been so hectic and busy and stressful! It's so incredibly comforting to know I still haven't lost any support or love for this fanfic! Thanks so much guys! Can get maybe, possibly, get to 410 reviews….? I don't know! Let's see!**

**Thank you again guys for everything you do! You're appreciated the same whether you're a just a reader or a constant reviewer! Everyone here is extremely important to me!:)**


	29. Chapter 29

**Hey I'm back! I'm trying my hardest to get a chapter out each month, but with school starting to wrap up and everything, it gets tough! BUT I AM TRYING I SWEAR! So here is a super duper long chapter just for you guys!:) Covering a lot of ground here! I have the twist coming either next chapter or the one after that! Finally!;)**

**So...without further ado, I present to you Chapter 29!:)**

**Disclaimer: Ok I'm caring about this almost as much as I care about school. (Which is very little, by the way. My GPA is surprisingly high for someone who hates school.) So, I'm just gonna skip this one. Maybe I'll come up with something witty next chapter.**

**Chapter 29**

**Tris' POV**

**AN: This is later in the evening, let's say around 5:30, when they're getting ready to go to Haviland for the fair. They're back at the hotel.**

"Tobias?"

We have both been ready to go to the fair for about an hour now; we're just waiting on everyone else. We've been silently watching TV on top of the bed. Well, it's been mostly Tobias watching while I've been curled up into his side trying to calm my nerves. It hasn't been working though. Eric's face and voice keep flashing through my mind and periodically, my breaths will become uneven.

"Yeah?"

I open my mouth to tell him to assure me that everything will be okay; that I'll be okay, but then I realize how childish and weak that would sound, and close my mouth at last minute.

"Tris?"

"Nevermind."

I shake my head at myself and go back to trying to calm myself down.

"Tris, just tell me. Or ask me; whatever you were going to do."

I sigh. I open my mouth to tell him no, but instead it slips out.

"Everything's going to be okay, right?"

I cover my face with my hands and groan. "That wasn't supposed to slip out."

I hear the TV go silent and groan again, knowing he's not just going to let this go.

"Tris, look at me."

"No."

"I'll get your attention somehow."

I shake my head. "I feel stupid."

"Beatrice."

I frown and look up at him. "Did you just call me Beatrice?"

"Well it worked, didn't it?"

I frown for a second longer before I realize that he did get my attention. I look down and bite my bottom lip. It doesn't last long.

He captures my face in his hands and tilts it back up.

"Why are you worried?"

"Ugh! I'm not okay?! It just slipped out of my mouth!"

"How'd it slip out if you weren't thinking it then?"

I feel myself blush knowing that he is right and caught me in my feeble lie, but glare at him. I take his wrist and push his hand away from my face.

"Listen, you don't need to be worried. It's stupid that you are, okay?"

I know that he's not calling me stupid. And I know he only meant good intentions, but it hurt. I don't know why, but it hurt. Really bad.

"I'm fine. I'm not worried," I say in a dangerous tone, trying to cover up the insecurity.

"Hmm...scary, but not scary enough for me to let it go. Want to try again?"

"Shut up Tobias!" I say in the same tone, just louder. And angrier.

"Ooo, I'll give that one an 8.5 out of 10. Very nice. Will you tell me now why you're worried?"

"Shut the hell up, Four." Same tone, but this time a bit hostile. Now I'm starting to get pissed at him. Why am I angry at him? He didn't do anything.

"It doesn't matter," my brain tells me. "He's making you more insecure about this. Yell at him. He deserves it."

It still doesn't make sense to me why I'm so angry. But I am. I guess I have a bad temper...just add that to the list of everything wrong with me. It'll only be the hundred-thousandth thing on there.

He grabs my hand making my anger dissipate a bit. Maybe he's actually going to take this seriously.

"If you say that again, but add just a bit more anger into it and maybe just a dash more of hostility, you've got a solid 10."

And with that comment, I'm even more pissed than before and violently yank out of his grip. As fast as I can, I slip my shoes on from the edge of the bed.

"Tris?"

I don't answer him. Instead I ignore him and continue to get my shoes on.

"Beatrice."

No, not this time. He's not going to get me to face him and give him my full attention again. Not after that freaking comment. And just when I thought he was serious.

Flashes of Eric pop back into my mind and I feel like I'm going to throw up. The thought of seeing him tonight is too much for me to handle. If Tobias won't take this seriously, then I need some fresh air and space away from him.

I finally get my boots laced up and stand. I walk to the door and reach both hands behind my head to throw my hair up into a quick ponytail. I reach the door and pause for a moment, getting the band wrapped one last time around my hair.

I hear him get off the bed, probably just now figuring out that I'm leaving. I quickly reach for the handle to let myself out of this suffocating room, but I wasn't fast enough. Arms wrap around my waist and pull me back from the door.

"Let me go Tobias! Let me go!"

I struggle against him. He continues to drag me farther away from the door.

"Let me go!"

I start to see red and without thinking, I elbow him in the ribs; hard. Hard enough to leave a bad bruise. I hear him release a short stream of air in pain, and I use this moment to get away from his arms. I almost reach the door when he's behind me again.

I turn, still seeing red, and wildly throw a punch towards him. I don't feel or hear the satisfaction I was hoping to; he blocked it. I throw another, and another, and another, but none of them hit the target.

I freeze. The target. _The target._ The _target_ is Tobias. I've done this before. Back in Chicago when we were in the room downstairs. When I was thinking about...Eric.

I take a few steps backwards until I reach the door. He steps towards me again, probably thinking I'm going to leave, but I don't. I slide down the door until I hit the ground and pull my knees to my chest. He crouches down in front of me and sets his hands on my shoulders.

"Why does he do this to me?" I quietly ask him, talking about Eric, not really expecting him to know the answer. Because even I don't know the answer to that.

He looks concerned and confused all at the same time.

"What do you mean? Who does what to you?"

I stay silent for a couple of minutes.

"Tris?" he prods.

"Remember that time down in the room when I acted like this? I threw things around, tried to punch you, and punched the wall?" I whisper.

"It's kind of hard to forget," he answers back.

I start to tug on my sleeves and bite my lip, searching for words.

"What about it, Tris?" he prods again.

"I was thinking about Eric when that happened…I was worried he would find me..."

He raises an eyebrow. "And…?"

I wait a couple of moments and am about to tell him why these two things are related, but I see it dawning on him at last second.

"Oh…." is the only thing he says.

"Yeah…." I say and rest my chin on my knees.

"I'm sorry, Tris," he says after a few minutes of silence.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't let him to get me like that. It's happened twice with you around and….I'm sorry."

Neither of us tell the other not to apologize, or that it's okay; we know that what each one of us did hurt the other. So we sit in silence, neither of us knowing what to say. Eventually, I can't take the silence anymore.

"Listen Tobias, I'm sorry I lashed out at you like that. I shouldn't be affected by Eric anymore, but I am. I know I'll see him either tonight or tomorrow night when we go to the fair, and that's why I'm worried. I don't know what he will try, or if he'll even recognize me. I'm hoping for the latter, but you never know. I also apparently have a bad temper and a low tolerance level when I'm stressed or worried so-"

"Tris, just...shut up. I understand," he interrupts gently.

I look up at him. "But I hurt you. How am I supposed to be okay with that?"

"It was only once. Plus, it'll only leave an average bruise at the most."

"But that's still a bruise. I _hit_ you." I know I'm sure as hell never going to let myself get past this. Then I remember Marcus...am I reminding him of his past?! I start to hyperventilate at this thought.

"I'm so sorry Tobias! I'm such an awful person! Why did I do that to you?! I didn't mean to, I-I-"

"Woah, woah, woah. Calm down. What's going on?" he asks and grabs my hands in his. He looks truly puzzled.

"Marcus hit you! I...I _hit_ you!" I say, just now coming to that realization. Tears spring up into my eyes.

"Tris, it's okay."

"No it's not! I'm turning into him! I _hit_ you, Tobias! I _hit_ you!"

"Tris, stop!" he quietly barks at me.

I finally look up at him. I meet his eyes. They're stern, so I do stop. I let him talk.

"You are not turning into Marcus, and you never will. Do you understand me?"

"But I _hit_ you," I say, still not okay with it at all.

"You weren't thinking straight when you did. Marcus knew exactly what he was doing. You didn't at the time. You're not him."

"What if I turn into him?"

"You won't."

"How do you know?"

He stares at me and his eyes soften. I think about how vulnerable and small I must look in this position to him; knees to chest, head to knees, trapped between him and the door with nowhere to escape to.

"Because of the fact that you're sitting right here in front of me, almost crying, worrying and hating yourself for hitting me. You're apologizing and you're not doing it for forgiveness. I already forgave you and you know it. If you were Marcus, I wouldn't have forgiven you, and he would have never apologized. You're the exact opposite of him, Tris. You don't need to worry about this. It's okay."

I let his words sink in for a moment. I feel much better knowing that he forgives me, at least. I don't, but at least he does.

"Can you please breathe, Tris?" he asks more in a demanding manner.

I realize that I am still hyperventilating and start to breathe normally again. I still haven't forgiven myself for it, but at least I know he truly believes that I won't turn into Marcus.

I stare at him. "Why do you have so much faith in me? You make me out to be a lot better person than I actually am."

He looks me dead in the eye. "I don't make you out to be a better person. You are a better person than everyone I know; including myself. You're absolutely perfect, and it kills me that you don't see that."

Tears prick my eyes again and I find myself smiling at him before I can help it. I usually would keep arguing with him, but I don't think that would be the right move at the moment.

After staring at him a little while longer, I ask him something that completely embarrasses me, but I find that I don't really care.

"Hold me? Please?"

He smiles softly at me and gathers me into his arms. I bury my head into his upper chest and wrap my arms around his back and curl my fingers around his shoulders. He sets his head on top of mine and his arms squeeze me tightly around my back. I take a deep breath through my nose, inhaling his scent. He starts to slowly run his fingers up and down my back soothingly.

After a couple of minutes of this, I feel like the silence should be broken, but I don't know how.

"I feel like I should say something."

"You don't have to. That's the good part," he replies back, whispering so quiet I could barely hear him.

At his words, I smile and squeeze him even tighter.

The moment only lasts a few minutes, unfortunately; there is a knock on the door.

"We're all heading down to the cars! Come out when you're ready!" Shauna yells through the door, not knowing we were right by it.

We listen to her retreating footsteps and wait until she's gone to say anything.

"Does this have to be over?" I jokingly, but not really joking, ask.

"Afraid so," he replies.

Even after his words, we make no effort to move. After a couple of minutes I hear him sigh.

"We really do have to get up," he says.

"Mmhmm," is my half hearted reply.

He chuckles and we stay like this for another minute. Then I'm suddenly being lifted up off the ground and gathered bridal style into Tobias' arms.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"The only thing that would get you up."

"Fair enough. Now put me down," I say with a small smile on my face.

He smiles and kisses my forehead before he turns me and sets me back onto the ground.

"Thank you."

He smiles in return. "Ready to go?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Then let's hit the road."

**ICOULDNTFINDTHEPAGEBREAKSOHERITISLADIESANDGENTLEMENPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK**

What seems like only moments later, we arrive in Haviland and are struggling to find a space to park outside of the fair/carnival. We are circling around, seat belts unbuckled (because we couldn't be going more than 10 miles per hour), searching endlessly for an open space.

"You weren't kidding when you said this thing was really popular," Zeke says to me.

"I told you so," I say, sticking my tongue out at him. He sticks his tongue out at me back and I feel like I'm 10 years old again.

Suddenly the car stops and Zeke and I both fall forward. Tobias grabs me around the waist before I hit the seat, but Zeke wasn't so lucky and ended up (lightly) hitting the side of his face on the back of the center console.

"We're here!" Tori yells, acting like she didn't mean to do that. I am the first to start laughing and pretty soon everyone else in the car is too except for Zeke.

"Ow…." he says, rubbing his jaw. It only makes me laugh more.

"Idiot," I say to him.

"Stupid," he says back.

"Loser."

"Dumb!"

"Re-"

"Ok, ok! I think that's enough you two!" Tori says hiding her laughter.

"You're gonna get it Tris," Zeke says to me, trying to look menacing but failing.

"You do that. I'll be waiting."

He sticks his tongue out at me again and I roll my eyes.

"Let's just go already. I don't want to keep listening to you two fight. It's almost as bad as when he's with Uriah," Shauna finally speaks up, opening her door and dragging Zeke out behind her, the rest of us following.

**ANDHEREITISAGAINGUYSSORRYFORTHEUNPROFESSIONALWORKHERESORRYSORRYSORRY**

When we meet up with the rest of the gang, we decide that we will just stick together unless someone or a small number of us wants to go do something else. We'll just stay together until further notice, pretty much. Tori has already split up and is just walking around and searching for familiar faces I'm sure.

"So what are we gonna do first?" Christina asks after we have our wristbands, eyeing the cotton candy stand.

I smile at her and roll my eyes. "It's pretty obvious what you want to eat first."

She rolls her eyes at me but smiles back.

"Cotton candy anyone?" she asks.

"HELL YEAH!" Uriah yells and starts running towards the stand.

"What the hell?" Will asks, effectively making us laugh.

"Well I guess we know where we're going," Shauna says.

"Follow my idiot brother everyone," Zeke says, pointing towards Uriah who is already getting cotton candy.

"Cotton candy? Seriously? I mean, I know Uriah is a 12 year old at heart...but cotton candy?" Lynn says to me. I laugh.

"Apparently so."

We make our way to Uriah. Uriah already has his, but waits in line with us again just so he has people to talk to. Mid-conversation, my phone buzzes. I take a peek and find a text from Justin.

**_Hey, are you here tonight?_**

I forgot that they were coming to the fair tonight. I was the one who suggested it in the first place. Duh Tris! Why wouldn't they be here?

"Hey I'm just gonna go sit on that bench over there. Come get me when you have the cotton candy," I say quietly to Tobias.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. It's just….yeah," I say and walk to the bench without letting him reply.

I sit down and bring out my phone again. My fingers hover over the screen for a few seconds before I reply.

_Yes, I'm here. With friends._

It only takes him moments to text back.

**_Do you want to meet up real quickly sometime? Just so we can say hi and you can introduce us to your friends?_**

I hesitate again. I would like to meet up; not for long, but just to say hi, like Justin said. The thing is that I'm not sure what everyone else will want to do. Especially Tobias. I don't think he would exactly be thrilled about me being friends with Taylor again. But I guess he will just have to get over it if it bothers him because I already forgave her. Everything is in the past now.

Before I can think about this any longer, I feel someone sit next to me.

"Watcha doin Tris?" Christina asks.

I look up and smile at her. "Hey Christina."

She looks down at my phone. "Who are you texting?"

I open my mouth to tell her but am interrupted.

"Oh! Is it your friends?! Can I- I mean we- meet them?"

"Do you want to?" I ask a bit nervously.

"Of course I do! I told you that a long time ago!" she exclaims.

"Okay then I guess we'll meet up so we can say hi."

"Sounds good! I'll go tell everyone else!" is all she says before getting up and running back to the group. I watch her tell the others and they all look pretty excited about it. Well, except for Tobias who turns to me and gives me a look. I stare him down. He can at least act civil about it. He eventually turns back around.

_We can meet up. They want to meet you too. Oh, and by the way I have black hair now. _

**Black? Why not blonde?**

_It's just temporary dye. Comes out when I wash it. And I wanted to do it just for change._

**_Okay. I respect that. How many friends are with you?_**

I have to count real quickly.

_7 friends and a boyfriend._

I typed the last part hesitantly, but it would've been wrong just saying 8 friends. Plus, I feel like Justin needs to know that...and I'm pretty sure someone would have told them anyways if I didn't.

**_Boyfriend? Not another like Eric, right?_**

He never liked Eric even before we dated. He always called him a 'selfish, hateful, unloving bastard', which pretty much sums it up.

_No. The exact opposite of Eric actually. He might look intimidating but don't let him scare you. He'll only bite if you bite first._

**_Lol I'll keep that in mind. _**

And with that message, I stand up and go back to the gang. Christina and Will are getting their cotton candy to share but everyone else is still waiting. I stand next to Tobias and gently grab his wrist, silently asking if he's mad at me. I hear him sigh. He turns his hand so that my fingers intertwine with his.

"They're my friends, okay? Justin and Taylor are my friends," I say to him.

"I know, I know. I don't know them like you do. If you're friends with them then they must be good people."

I sigh in relief. "Thank you for understanding."

He squeezes my hand in return. We finally reach the front of the line.

"How many?" the man asks.

"Just one," I answer. He nods and turns to make it. I grab a five dollar bill from my pocket, but as soon as Tobias sees it he grabs it from me.

"Hey!"

The man turns back around and hands me the cotton candy while Tobias produces money of his own and gives it to him.

"Have a good night!" the man says.

"You too," we both reply.

Tobias hands me back my money and I put it back into my pocket. We walk towards where the others grouped up. I speak up as soon as we are out of earshot of the cotton candy man.

"I could've paid."

"But I'm not gonna let you."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm your boyfriend, and that's what boyfriends do."

I smile at his words. "Fine, whatever."

We're the last ones to join up with the rest of the group.

"When are we meeting up with your friends, Tris?" Marlene asks.

"Ummm….that I actually don't know," I say, kind of embarrassed that I didn't even plan it out.

"That's okay. You can figure it out and then we can just meet up whenever! No rush!" Shauna says.

I smile thankfully at her. "Thanks Shauna."

She smiles back.

From there, we all start walking around the fair eating our cotton candy. We stop at a lot of hands-on games which various people win. Christina won the water shooting game the first time while Uriah won the second time. Tobias and Marlene won both the rings around the bottle game and the dart throwing game. Will, Zeke, Lynn, and Shauna all won the baseball throwing game. I won every one; I'd been practicing for years.

We take turns doing all of the activities for about an hour and a half until eventually we all decide to stop. We're all holding our prizes and are completely overloaded with them. So we find Tori and get the car keys from her. We walk out of the fair, put our prizes in the trunks, then walk back to the cotton candy stand. We don't get more, but we just stand there.

"Soooooo…now what do we do?" Shauna asks.

"Roller coasters!" Uriah and Zeke yell at the same time that Christina and Marlene yell, "The Ferris Wheel!"

I rest my head on Tobias' shoulder. This is an argument waiting to happen.

"No! Definitely roller coasters!"

"We should do the Ferris Wheel next!"

"Roller coasters are better!"

"No, the Ferris Wheel is next!"

As they argue, my phone buzzes again. I pull it out of my pocket and unlock it (yes, I finally put a password on it) with my freehand.

**_You don't happen to be standing next to the cotton candy stand, do you?_**

_Around that area, yes._

I receive a picture in reply. It's of Christina, Marlene, Uriah, and Zeke arguing. It also has the back of me, Tobias, Shauna, Lynn, and Will in the picture.

_**Do these idiots belong to you or should I keep looking?**_

I laugh and look behind me. I see all three of them eating cotton candy on the bench I was sitting on earlier. Taylor is the first to catch my eye. Justin wasn't lying when he said she cut her hair. She chopped off everything below the tops of her shoulders. She looks good like that.

Tobias looks at me funny when I look back forward. I smile at him and text Justin back.

_Sadly, they are mine and I can't sell them. We're coming just give us a sec._

"Hey guys, I know what we're doing," I say.

"What?" Christina asks.

"Saying hi to my friends."

"Finally! Yes! Where are they?!" she exclaims.

"Well there's only two of them, but they brought their little sister along with them so that makes three of them. And they're right over there on that bench next to the cotton candy."

"Well let's go then," Will says.

I squeeze Tobias' hand and untangle our fingers. I lead them over to where Justin, Taylor, and Makayla are all sitting. Justin sees us first and stands up. Taylor follows and shyly smiles at me. I smile back and she seems to relax. Makayla recognizes me and doesn't hesitate to run the rest of the distance to me.

"Bumblebea!" she exclaims and jumps up into my arms.

"Hey there Kayla-bo-bayla!"

I catch her and she wraps her legs around my waist. She throws her arms around my neck and squeezes me as tight as her little arms can muster. I hug her back and kiss her on the cheek. She releases me and giggles as she starts to play with my hair, oblivious to everyone else around her. I hear a couple of 'awwwws' from the girls and the boys have smiles on their faces. Tobias meets my eyes and smiles at me. I blush at the attention.

"Oh my gosh! Who is this little cutie!?" Christina asks.

I break my eye contact with him and look at Christina.

"This is Makayla White," I reply.

"And how old are you miss Makayla?" she asks her.

I'm half expecting Makayla not to answer because she tends to be shy, but she doesn't hesitate to reply.

"I'm thwee and a half!" she exclaims, trying and failing to hold up three fingers.

"She's so cute!" I hear Marlene whisper-yell to Shauna.

"Makayla! Get off of Tris!" Justin says. Taylor and Justin are both here now.

"She's just fine, don't worry," I say.

I turn to the gang. "Guys, this is Justin and Taylor. Justin and Taylor, this is Christina, Marlene, Shauna, Lynn, Will, Uriah, Zeke, and Four," I say, pointing to each person as I go.

They all exchange hellos of some sort and easily start conversation with each other. I'm relieved to find that they get along.

"Hey Bumblebea is this how many fingas I am?" she says, holding up four fingers.

I laugh at her use of grammar. "Not quite Kayla-bo-bayla," I tell her and put down one finger.

"Oh, okay! Hey! Where's Cwistina?! Wemember? You told me you had a best fwiend named Cwistina?"

For a three year old, she sure does have a good memory. Christina hears her name being mentioned and turns out of the conversation.

"Did I hear my name?"

"Are you Cwistina?!" Makayla asks excitedly.

"Yes, I'm Christina miss Makayla. What d'ya need?"

"Are you Bumblebea's best fwiend?" she asks now serious. I can't help but laugh at her serious face. And it looks like Christina can't either.

"Yes, I am Tris' best friend. Why?"

"I have a best fwiend named Cwistina too! That's so cool! Do you like dwess-up Cwistina?"

"Yes, I suppose I do like dress-up," she replies, winking at me.

They continue their conversation while I space off and get lost in my thoughts. I somehow meet ocean blue eyes and stare into them. I end up being drawn out of my thoughts by Makayla.

"Twis! Twis!"

I snap out of our intense stare and blush as I turn back to Makayla, mentally thanking Justin and Taylor for telling Makayla that I go by Tris. Christina seems to have turned back to the conversation she was in before.

"Yes, Makayla?"

"Do you still have a boyfwiend like me?"

My cheeks go slightly pink again. "Yes I do."

"Is his name Adam?"

I laugh. "No, his name isn't Adam. That's just your boyfriend's name."

"Awwwww...but then what is his name?"

"His name is Four."

"Fouwa? Like the numba?"

"Yes, like the number."

"Oh. Aw you suwa?"

I smile at her. "Yes Kayla-bo-bayla, I'm sure."

"Can you put me down Bumblebea?"

"Sure, 'Kayla."

I set her down gently on her feet and she runs to Justin. She tells him something then within a few seconds she is up on his shoulders. I smile again and turn into the conversation the girls are having. I try to listen, but everything is just coming in one ear and going out the other. My mind is racing too fast to listen to this.

Is this actually happening or is it just a dream? It all just seems so surreal. I mean, all of my friends, from Chicago and Haviland, are talking to each other; they're having fun with each other. This can't be real, right? I pinch myself with my nails and immediately wince at the mark I gave myself. Nope, it's definitely real.

I simply stare at the two groups talking; the boys split off into a group and the girls into another. Everything finally catches up to me and I suddenly stop. I am in Haviland, with the gang, who are talking to Taylor and Justin, my two friends that I never thought I'd really care enough to see again. But here I am. In the open. Where anyone from school could recognize me; including Hailey and Eric.

I shake my head, refusing to let myself dwell on this too long; if I do, I know I'll probably lose my mind thinking about all of this.

The rapid conversation slowly starts to die down until Justin is walking over to Taylor.

"Hey, we better get going and leave these guys to it, Taylor."

She nods. "Yeah, okay."

"You guys can join us if you want!" Christina tells them.

"I'd love to, but we actually need to get going home to check on our Dad," Taylor politely tells her.

"Well, we will be here tomorrow night too if you want to join in on the fun then," I suggest, not really knowing when or why I decided to say that.

"Ooo! Can we, Justin? Can we?!" Makayla asks, causing a few smiles to emit.

"We'll see. It'll depend on Dad and how everything is going tomorrow," Taylor replies back with a smile aimed towards me.

"If we can go, I'll text you, Tris," Justin adds.

"Okay. Well then, I'll-we'll maybe see you tomorrow," I say, kind of disappointed that they have to go already. I understand why, but I almost wish they could stay a bit longer.

Justin sets Makayla down and she comes running up to me. She throws her arms around my waist and I squat down and wrap my arms tightly around her.

"But I don't want to go," she starts to cry.

I lean back and see a few tears running down her face. I take the end of my sleeve and tug it down over my hand. I use it to then gently wipe off the tears.

"I know you don't, but I will see you soon, okay?"

"But what if I don't?" she sniffles. I wipe a couple more tears from her cheeks.

"You will. I promise."

As soon as she hears me promise, she brightens up. She knows I never break my promises.

"Okay Bumblebea. I'll see you soon."

I smile. "I'll see you soon."

She squeezes me one last time before she backs up and goes back to stand next to Justin. Taylor comes up to me and seems unsure of what to do. I put my arms around her without hesitation. Once I do, she relaxed and puts her arms around me too. We're about the same height, which is kind of odd since we're both below average height.

"Hey, just hang in there, okay? I'm always only a call or text away," I quietly tell her.

"Thanks Bea-or, I mean- Tris," she says smiling apologetically.

"It's okay. You can call me Beatrice if you want. The only reason these guys don't is because they don't know my real name."

"You changed your name?" she asks, confused.

"It's short for Beatrice. It just sounds stronger and fiercer. I thought that maybe if I could start over new, my life would be better."

"Did it work?"

I look at Tobias from the corner of my eye now talking to Zeke. "It definitely did."

She follows my gaze very secretive-like, and smiles knowingly. She looks back at me and nods.

"Thank you so much for everything Beatrice; your forgiveness, concern, advice, comfort- everything," she says with just a slight glaze of tears over her eyes.

"You're welcome, Taylor. I was in your spot once too; I know what it feels like," I say, understandingly.

She nods and smiles. "I'm glad I have someone to talk to."

"Me too," I say and smile back. "Now you better go catch Makayla before she runs off," I laugh.

She laughs too. "Will do. Bye Be- Tris."

"Bye Taylor."

She walks off and suddenly starts to run, chasing Makayla down. Justin comes up to me next and since he's almost a foot taller than me, he towers over me as he hugs me. I squeeze him back for a little while.

"Hey, thanks for meeting us here. I think we all needed that. Especially the girls."

"No problem. The gang seemed to enjoy your company as well," I tell him truthfully.

"They're great people; hilarious too. You got yourself a good group of friends, that's for sure. You better keep 'em."

"Oh, trust me. I'm planning on it."

"We missed you Tris," he says sincerely after we are silent for a couple of seconds.

"I missed you all more than I thought I did, I'll admit it."

He laughs. "Well at least that's the case and not the opposite."

I laugh too. "Ain't that the truth. Now go take care of that family of yours," I say and lightly punch him in the arm as Taylor and Makayla come back.

"Will do m'am. It was good seeing you, Tris. I'll see you later."

"See you later, Justin."

He steps back. "Well we're gonna head on out people. It was nice meeting you."

"Yeah, I'm glad I got to meet you guys!" Taylor adds brightly.

The girls all hug her and Makayla quickly while Justin and the guys do some kind of fist bump/handshake thing. When they're done saying their goodbyes, they start to walk towards the front entrance.

"Bye guys!" Taylor yells behind her and then they're gone, disappearing into the swarm of people.

As soon as she's sure they're out of earshot, Christina asks, "Why do they need to check on their Dad? What happened?"

"Their Mom just passed away a tiny bit ago," I reply back quietly and empathetically.

"Really? They didn't act like it…" Marlene points out.

"Yeah….they're doing a lot better than I expected," I say with a smile. I'm glad that they're doing okay.

After a couple moments of silence, Uriah says, "So now what do we do?"

"Ferris wheel," several girls yell out. He holds up his hands.

"Fine, fine. But then whatever we want to do next we're doing, whether you want to or not," Zeke pouts.

"So, what _are_ you doing next?" Marlene asks, smirking.

"I-umm...yeah, I don't know. Fine. Whatever it is if one of you don't want to do it, you don't have to."

"Fair enough," Shauna says.

"Wait! I have to go pee!" Uriah yells. I laugh at him.

"Who else needs to use the restroom?" I ask.

"I could use a trip to the restroom," Christina says.

"Yeah, I could too," Zeke says.

"I'll go too," Lynn says.

"Then Four, Will, Marlene and Shauna, you can stay here. Everyone else follow me," I say and start walking to where the restrooms are at. Luckily when we get there, there isn't a line and we can go right in. I don't have to use the bathroom so I walk around to the other side of the building and lean up against it. I close my eyes and wait for them to come out.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

My eyes snap open, my heart races, and I tense up. I take a few steps away from the building, looking for him.

"Never thought I'd see you here again. Man, you really are stupider than I thought."

He suddenly appears in front of me and I jump back.

"Let's talk, shall we?" he says, daring me to disagree.

I somehow find my voice. "I never want to talk to you again, Eric," I spit.

His eyes suddenly turn angry. He grabs my shoulders and roughly shoves me into the brick wall behind me. My back stings with the contact and any courage I had before is gone.

"Since when was it okay for you to talk to me like that?" he asks menacingly. I try to squirm out of his grip, but it only makes him slam his palms into my shoulders harder. I yelp but quickly close my mouth. He smirks at me, knowing he hurt me.

"Answer me, Beatrice," he tells me, holding the 's' sound in my name so he sounds like a snake.

When I don't answer him, he only pushes against my shoulders harder. I grit my teeth to keep from yelling out.

One of his fingers runs through my hair and down my jaw-line. I struggle to keep from throwing up.

"Why the black hair, huh Beatrice? What was so wrong with blonde?"

I stay silent again.

"Answer me!" he yells.

Luckily, I hear a bathroom door opening and remember that I had Zeke, Uriah, Christina, and Lynn here with me. They'll find me; they'll get me out of this.

"Get off of me," I say as sternly as I can, hoping that they'll get me out of this soon.

"Name one good reason I should," he says, eyes narrowed and pushing into my shoulders harder.

I pause for a moment and I hear Christina.

"Tris? Hey Zeke, where's Tris?"

I find even more courage than before as I reply.

"Because you're a selfish, hateful, unloving bastard who has no right to have his hands on me," I spit.

This was not what he was expecting. He did not expect an answer like that to come from my mouth. He was expecting the meek, shy, and weak Beatrice he knew. Little did he know, she's changed a bit.

Before he can say anything more, I hear footsteps from around the corner.

"Tris- hey, what are you doing?!" Lynn yells. Eric whips his head around to see the group then turns back to me. If I hadn't already used my courage up to give him that response, I think I would've have smirked.

"We're just having a...talk," he says, glaring at me. He stares at me, making me feel exposed as I remember that he knows exactly what my body looks like underneath all of these clothes. The thought makes me shudder.

"I don't see why 'talking' involves physical contact," Uriah spits at him. I'm surprised to see Uriah like this; I've never seen his protective side before.

"Why don't you just back away from her, man?" Zeke demands.

Eric looks at me for another moment before looking back at my friends.

"Let. Her. Go," Christina angrily demands.

All of a sudden, the pressure is released off of my shoulders and they start to throb. Eric steps back, hands raised, surrendering.

"Whatever. I'll talk to you soon, _Tris_," he says, purposefully using my nickname. The look he gives me is one of hate, and it scares the absolute crap out of me. But what scares me more is what he said.

_"I'll talk to you soon, Tris."_

It scares me because I know he meant it. He never says anything without meaning it; in a bad way. If he says, _"I hate you,"_ he means it. He will do everything in his power to make your life miserable. If he says, _"I_ _will find you,"_ he means it. He will either wait for you to come to him, like I did, or he will hunt you down like a hawk. If he says, _"I'll talk to you soon,"_ he means it.

He already hates me, and just accomplished finding me. Now he has a new goal; to get me alone and start this conversation up again. Soon.

And that's what scares me the most.

He will find me again, soon, and I will be alone. I can try my hardest to stay together with someone or the whole gang at all times, but eventually something will happen and I'll be alone. That's when he'll strike.

And who knows what'll happen when he does.

**AND THERE YA GO! Chapter 29! I made this chapter extra long to make up for lost time. I apologize for the late timing of this chapter and probably for the next one as well! But hey! SCHOOL IS ALMOST OUT! WOOO!**

**Anyways...I know several of you are probably going to get mad because I didn't have Four/Tobias there when 'Eric' happened. But I can't have him beating the crap out of him!...at least...not yet…*smirks evilly*. But for those of you who are still worried, don't. Eric will get his justice. I promise. **

**Thank you guys so much for all the reviews, favorites, and follows! And the readers who are there, yes, I see you too! Thank you as well!:) Everyone here in one way or another means a lot to me! Sooooo….do you think we can get to 430 reviews, 250 favorites, and 300 followers? I think we can! And I am setting goals for favorites and follows now because I feel like if I don't, all I (seem to) care about is reviews, and that's not the case! So I'm asking for 7 reviews, 5 favorites, and 1 follow! Does that sound reasonable? I hope so! Anyways...HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHT/EVENING/MORNING!**


	30. Chapter 30

**I'm back! Sorry it took a while!:/ School and softball had been pretty hectic, along with work in the summer now….but I'm back now, so that's what counts right? Plus...a softball team was short of players and asked me if I could join for the summer. So I've been busy with that. And I just got back from visiting my uncle in Kansas City, which is about 3 ½ hours away from where I live sooo….yeah.**

**Have any of you seen Allegiant…? I did with my best friend a few weeks ago. She and I are (obviously) big fans of the trilogy, but I am sad to say that both of us were extremely disappointed. She literally fell asleep during it. I was extremely bored with it too, so I couldn't really blame her. It was extremely confusing and seemed to jump from one thing to another without explaining anything. Maybe it's just me, but it seemed to stray so far from the book that I didn't even recognize it as Allegiant. It really makes me sad and I'm not even sure if I **_**want**_ **to see Ascendant. I'm sure I will, but I'm afraid I'll just be even more disappointed with it. Then again, maybe that was just me. If you've seen it, please tell me your thoughts on it, because I'm curious to know your guys' opinions of the movie.**

**Anyways, back to the main topic! Here is Chapter 30 everybody! This one is not the most exciting chapter I've written, so don't say I didn't warn you!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Divergent, I wouldn't have let the writer/director give off an impression of my books like that with the movie….but they did. So I obviously don't own the Divergent Trilogy.**

**Chapter 30**

**Tris' POV**

"Tris, are you okay?" I hear Christina asking.

I turn my head towards her, Lynn, Uriah, and Zeke. They all look concerned, even Lynn. I look at my hands and see they're shaking a bit. I clench them into fists in an attempt to get them to stop. I realize that I must look unlike myself. I'm probably pale and look like a deer in headlights from the encounter. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before looking at them again. I feel a bit of color return to my face and I try to erase any traces of being afraid from my expression.

"Yeah...I'm fine," I lie.

My head is pounding and I realize that during all of the adrenaline pumping through me, I hadn't noticed that my head hit the brick wall as well as my shoulders when Eric shoved me into it. I casually run my fingers over the back of my head where it would have hit, and feel a small bump forming. I put my hand back down and look at the ground.

Uriah steps forward and places his hand on my shoulder. I wince at the pain it brings and flinch away from him. Uriah frowns. He pushes the fabric covering my shoulder down slightly. I try to pull away but he just tugs me by my sleeve right back to him. He looks at it again and frowns even more.

"What are you looking at?" Zeke asks and steps forward as well. He looks at my shoulder and frowns as well when he sees what Uriah is seeing. I can only guess that what they're seeing is either a large red spot or a bruise already forming.

"He freaking bruised her," Uriah angrily says to Zeke and the other two. I'm surprised at his reaction but when I look at Zeke, I see that he has the same expression as Uriah.

"He did what?!" Christina says and steps towards me with Lynn. I look down and feel myself flush at the sudden attention. I feel Christina's fingers on my other shoulder and don't bother to try and fight her when she pushes the edge of that fabric down as well.

"He left a bruise on this shoulder too," Lynn quietly states.

They stare for a little longer, then I feel my shoulders being covered up again and risk looking back up. They're all staring at me and I flush again.

"It's not that big of a deal guys…." I say.

"Not that big of a deal?" Christina says unbelievingly.

"Tris, he _bruised_ you," Uriah seethes.

"It's a big deal, Tris," Zeke follows up.

I bite my lip and stay quiet.

"Who was he?" Uriah asks.

"An ex," I lightly say, leaving out any details.

"Name?" Lynn asks next.

"Does it matter?" I counter back.

"Kinda. Now tell us," Christina demands, staring at me. I stare back for awhile, then sigh.

"Eric," I relent.

"Last?" Lynn asks.

I shake my head. "No. First is enough."

They stay silent for a little bit and look at each

other. They give each other looks and I try to read the silent conversation they're having, but I can't.

"Hey, can I be included in this please?" I say after trying to figure out what they were talking about for a few minutes.

"It's nothing," Zeke says. I frown.

"Then what were the looks for?"

They look at each other again.

"Really?" I ask in exasperation.

Christina is the first to speak up. "Has he hurt you before?"

They've backed me into a corner here. If I lie, Christina will be able to tell; she came from Candor. If I tell the truth, I'm afraid they'll never look at me the same. They might go and tell the others what happened, then go find Eric, and who knows what would happen if they did? And if I stay silent for too long, they'll know the answer. So what do I do?

"Why do you think that?" I ask, trying to change the topic.

"A guy doesn't just leave bruises like that and walk away like nothing happened, unless he's done it before," Lynn says, staring at me.

I fall silent, not knowing what else to do or say.

"I knew it," Uriah growls, taking my silence for an answer.

I stay quiet; I don't want to either confirm or deny the statement. Anything I say is going to be thoroughly examined by both Christina and Uriah. Uriah may not have come from Candor, but I'm sure he could fit in there if he tried. I don't think I've heard him tell a lie yet. Well, unless it was sarcasm or a joke, of course.

"Where did that bastard go?" Uriah follows up, looking around for him as if he would be able to see where he disappeared to.

I shrink back a bit and look down at my feet.

"Don't, Uriah. He'll just get even more mad," I quietly tell him. I look back up at him again. He still looks like he'll go find him. "Don't Uriah. Please."

His face seems to soften, along with everyone else's. They give each other looks again and this time I can follow; they're debating about whether or not to go after Eric, and they're swaying in the direction of not.

They finally look at me again and I can already tell they won't go after him.

_Thank the Lord._

"Fine. We won't go looking for him," Uriah says.

"But if he ever bothers you again or you're in trouble, you can expect us to beat the shit out of him," Zeke adds on. I smile a little bit at the comment.

We stand in silence for a moment.

"Christina, we better get going back. They'll suspect something if we aren't back soon. We'll go back first, and you boys stay here with Tris. Once it's been a minute, you can come on back that way we don't all show up at the exact same time; that could set off red flags," Lynn says. I think about this for a moment. It is a pretty smart idea.

"Good idea, Lynn," Christina says for me, as if reading my mind. "Okay, we'll head on back. You sure you're alright, Tris?"

I nod. I'm not actually okay, but the least I can do is act like it.

Right before they leave, I think of something.

"Please don't tell the others. I didn't even want you guys to really know about Eric…so I'd like to keep this a secret. Promise me you won't tell?" I ask quickly.

They exchange a glance, and Zeke looks back at me.

"We won't tell. Promise."

I sigh in relief. That's one thing off my chest.

Christina smiles and hugs me again then she and Lynn walk off towards where the others are, falling into light conversation as they do so.

"You're not actually okay, are you?" Zeke asks a little disbelievingly once Christina and Lynn are out of sight. I look up at him. He has a look of...not pity, thank goodness, but more like...concern.

"I'm fine," I dismissively say.

"Uh-huh," Uriah sarcastically says. I roll my eyes. Maybe I'm not exactly _okay_, but I am definitely better than I would've been if I was still with Eric.

"Let's get headed back," Zeke says after a minute. We start walking back to where everyone else is, and it's then when I start to think about what could happen if the other half of the gang finds out about this; if Tobias finds out. My stomach drops a bit at the thought of everyone knowing.

_No. They won't tell. They promised._

I look at the ground as we walk, one Pedrad boy on either side of me, protecting me, in a way. I find a smile within me knowing I got to see their protective side. I doubt it comes out very often; probably only when someone they love or care about is in trouble.

"Hey guys?" I quietly ask.

Both of their heads snap towards me, as if I were in trouble again, ready to help at a moment's notice. I smile at them.

"I just realized I haven't said thanks yet so….thank you. For getting me out of that."

Both of them stop at the same time and not expecting it, I stumble to a stop a step ahead of them. Uriah smiles, steps forward, and nearly crushes me with a bear hug. Zeke follows suit, crushing me as well. I smile, laugh, and hug them back, feeling just a few tears in my eyes.

"You guys are dorks," I say, but in my mind thinking, "_My dorks. You guys are __**my**_ _dorks."_

I may not have been friends with these guys for too long, but I don't know what I'd do without them, especially now since they got me out of my...predicament with Eric.

"We know," Zeke says and they both let go of me.

"But really guys….thank you."

"You don't need to thank us for that," Uriah simply says and we start walking again.

"How are your shoulders?" Zeke asks.

"Fine," I say, trying to brush off the topic.

"Cool. The truth now, please?" Uriah somewhat demands.

I sigh. "Sore, but they'll be fine."

We finally get within 20 yards away from the group and I start to walk slower, afraid that Christina and Lynn broke their promise and told them what happened. It doesn't look like the rest of them know; they're laughing and talking.

Shauna happens to see Zeke, Uriah, and me, and points. Their eyes are on us, but they still talk, and they still laugh.

Uriah must notice my hesitance because he throws his arms gently around my shoulders so he doesn't hurt me and plasters a big smile on his face. He talks just loud enough for me to hear.

"I'm telling you a joke that you find very funny. And I'm telling the punchline now."

I follow his lead and laugh, as if he were actually telling me a joke. I immediately thank him in my mind once again.

"Hey you're kind of pale. If anyone asks, our story is I scared you. Laugh again," he commands and takes his arm off my shoulders.

I laugh again, but now I'm focusing on trying to return color back in my face. I don't know if it worked or not, but I can't ask Uriah because we're here with the others now.

"What took you guys so long?" Marlene asks.

Saving me from having to come up with a reply, Uriah answers. "Oh, you know. I had to do my makeup, brush my hair, put perfume on. My beauty isn't just effortless. Unlike yolu girls, I have to work for it," he says in a high pitched voice, obviously joking around. It worked; most of us roll our eyes at him. They don't ask the question again which relieves me. I meet Christina's worried eyes and I can tell that I'm still pale. I look down at the ground and start to draw figures in the dirt with my foot.

"Hey guys, it's already 10:00. By the time we get Tori rounded up, get out of here, and get back to the hotel, it'll be around 11:00. Don't you think we should get going?" Christina says. I know she's doing this for me. She knows I don't want to stay here for much longer.

"Yeah, you're probably right Christina. Let's go find Tori guys," Zeke says, obviously sensing her plan.

Without a word, we all start to walk towards where we found her last time. I'm still looking down at the dirt, not bothering to listen to the conversations. I kick a pebble along the dirt path to keep my mind at bay. I shrug my shoulders very slightly so it's not too noticeable, then wince at the obvious rejection of the movement. I put my hands in my pockets to avoid any further jostling. My head still pounds.

Within a few minutes, the gang finds Tori. I faintly listen to them tell her we're ready to go; I would listen to the gang more carefully, but my thoughts are capturing most of my focus. We start walking back to the cars.

My mind is running wild with thoughts about Eric. The thoughts are mostly ideas of what will happen when he finds me alone. Will he beat me up; throw some punches and call it good for now? Will he make more threats while he has me pinned down somewhere? Will he rub in my family's deaths to me, to make me feel more guilty? Will he….try to...rape me again…?

I shake my head, instantly trying to get rid of that thought from my brain. I try to ignore the arguing in my head following that last thought.

_No, no, no, no, no. He won't try to do that again. He __**can't **__try that again. He can't. _

_But he __**could**__. He could and he might._

_He can't. He would break me even further. He __**can't.**_ _He __**won't.**_

_But what if he does? What then? I doubt he'd make the mistake of knocking you out again. _

_He __**won't.**_

_But he might. And what will happen if he does? What will you do, huh Tris? Just lay down and die?_

_Actually...that doesn't sound too bad..._

"Hey, are you okay?" someone whispers, breaking me from my train of thought..

A hand sets on my shoulder and I instinctively flinch away from it. The hand instantly falls off my shoulder, and I look up to see Four's worried eyes. I stare at him wondering why he's not saying anything, but then I realize he already has. I'm probably only raising his suspicion by not answering yet.

"Yeah," I say.

_Too quiet. _

I clear my throat and try again. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He stares at me more questioningly than before, eyebrows raised and eyes narrowed, studying me. I cross my arms and look down, kicking a pebble once again. I'm angry at myself for letting Eric still affect me like this. I shouldn't allow him to get into my head; it only makes things worse. Tears prick my eyes for unknown reasons, and it only makes me more insecure and angry with myself.

I can feel Tobias' eyes aimed on me almost the whole way back to the car. I've kicked the same rock all the way here to occupy my mind, but now my focus is back onto Eric.

_Why did he have to show up so early into this trip? Why couldn't the world had given me at least one more day? _

I hear the car unlocking and open up the door. I'm the first to crawl in, partially because my seat is in the back, partially because I don't want anyone watching me. I'm followed by Tobias, Zeke, Shauna, and Tori. I can faintly hear everyone speaking to each other, but my brain is running too wild to hear what they're saying. It all just sounds like a blur of voices, none of which I pay attention to.

The car starts to move. I grab Caleb's blanket, wrap it around myself, and lean my forehead against the cold window. It feels good against my pounding head. I close my eyes, trying to drown out any thoughts or noise, and lose myself to the silence.

"Tris, c'mon, we're here," a whispering voice says in my ear.

My head still pounds and I silently curse whoever woke me up. I keep my eyes shut and try to go back to sleep, nothing really registering yet.

A hand lands on my shoulder, and that's when I fly up. It throbs with a new pain, almost like there is a burn on top of the bruise. The car is empty, and it's dark outside. My eyes try to adjust to the darkness.

"Hey, it's just me. Relax, Tris," the voice whispers again.

My head turns toward it and I faintly see someone next to me: Tobias. I let out a small sigh of relief and know that it was stupid of me to not have recognized his voice before. He unbuckles my seatbelt for me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"You need to stop apologizing for things you don't need to apologize for."

I stay silent after that. My eyes start to fall back shut, and I realize just how tired I really am.

I lean towards him, and let myself fall, quite literally, into his chest, ignoring my shoulders. One arm tightly wraps around my back while the other goes back to steady himself from my unexpected movement. Once he balances himself, that arm goes around me too.

"Tris, I know you're tired, and you can sleep once we get up to the room, but first you've gotta get up," he gently tells me.

I stay there, too comfortable and secure to want to move. It lasts for about 10 seconds before I'm pestered again.

"C'mon, babe. Get up. Help me out a little here."

I freeze.

He called me babe_._ _Babe._

That's the first time he's ever used the name for me, and I find myself hoping that he will use it again as warmth flows through my body.

I open my eyes and lean back slightly to meet his. He looks a little weary; he's probably wondering if calling me babe was the right thing to do. I smile slightly at him in the darkness. I reach up and kiss the hollow of his throat in assurance. He relaxes at my confirmation. I would have kissed his lips, but given my height, his throat is the only thing I can reach.

"Ok," I whisper.

The seat in front of me is already folded down, so I step out of the car. He follows a moment later and we silently make our way up to the hotel room. My head is still pounding, but I've learned to ignore it at this point.

Eric's voice and threats spread rapidly through my mind like wildfire, and they hurt, but I can't stop myself from thinking about them. Tears sting my eyes, but I grit my teeth and refuse to let them fall.

_Not here. Not now._

When we finally get to the door, I'm ready to get in and get to somewhere private so Tobias won't see me like this; I can't let him know something is wrong.

"Tris? Earth to Tris!"

I snap out of my thoughts, but I don't look up at him. I can't. There are still tears in my eyes.

"What?" I ask as steadily as I can.

"Are you okay?" There's a large amount of concern and suspicion in his tone. Too much for my liking.

I nod my head. "Yes. Can we go inside now?"

A lump grows in my throat.

_Not here. Not now._

I feel his eyes on me, studying, suspecting, thinking, _knowing_. Thankfully, he doesn't press me any farther and unlocks the door with the keycard.

Once I'm inside, I toss Caleb's blanket onto the bed. I grab some clothes from my suitcase and head to the bathroom to take a shower without a word.

I turn the shower water on and strip while I wait for it to heat up. I brush my hair out before stepping into the shower. It's then when I allow the tears to finally come out. At least in here, I can pretend that the tears are just droplets of shower water.

I keep my crying silent for the most part, the only noise I make being a sniffle here and there. I stop myself when I turn off the water. There's still more tears to be shed and more sobs to be let out, but this will have to do for now. I can't stay in here for too long or Tobias will suspect something. He probably already does.

I step out, dry myself off with a towel, and slip my clothes on. I quickly brush my hair out. I'm on my way to head out of the bathroom, but I can't stop myself from looking in the mirror. I wipe away the steam and look at this girl staring back at me. Her eyes are bloodshot, she's one skin tone paler than normal, and she looks….numb. I carefully pull each sleeve of my shirt off my shoulder. It reveals patches of vibrant blue and purple. I shrug my shoulders, then wince. It hurts to even move them at this point. I touch one of them carefully, and wince again at the throbbing sensation it brings. I push my sleeves back up and sigh. I look at myself for a little while longer, then head out the door.

"The shower's open," I quietly say to Tobias, who is currently on the bed watching TV.

He looks up at me but I look down at the ground before we make eye contact. He gets out of bed and stops in front of me.

"Tris, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

I bite the inside of my cheek and nod. His fingers slide under my chin and tilt it up to meet his eyes. He stares at me for a few moments, sighs, then kisses my forehead before going into the bathroom.

I sigh as I feel guilt creeping up on me. I swallow and try to get rid of the lump in my throat, but it works to no avail. I crawl onto the bed and wrap back up in Caleb's blanket. I bring it up to my nose and take a deep breath in, desperate for comfort. The only thing is, I don't find it.

Caleb's scent is gone.

It's then when I start to cry. My shoulders shake with the effort of keeping my cries silent, only making them throb even more. I close my eyes to prevent some tears from leaking out, but find that at this point it doesn't help all that much.

Sometime in the middle of my breakdown, I hear the shower water stop, and I know I should stop too, before it's too late, but I can't. The bathroom door opens, but I've already failed at my attempt to stop. The bed shifts as an extra person sits down on it, and I know it's Tobias, but I still can't stop crying. I bring my arm up with the blanket and cover up my face. The least I can do is _try _to hide the tears. I doubt it works very well, though.

I'm suddenly lifted by a pair of arms and I jump at the contact. My shoulders scream at me for the sudden movement. I force myself to relax a moment later because I _know _it's Tobias. I _know _I should not jump at the feel of his touch. I _know _it's not Eric...so why am I this tense?

Moments later I'm placed sideways onto his lap where I quickly transition from burying my face into the blanket to burying it into his shirt.

"What happened?" he murmurs. "What happened?"

I don't answer him; I've dragged him into enough of a mess as it is. I'm not about to drag him into another.

He slowly rocks back and forth as if I was a baby he was putting to sleep. Slowly, _very_ slowly, I drift off to sleep. And I hate myself, because I did something I haven't done in a long time: I cried myself to sleep.

**Tobias' POV**

It took nearly a half an hour for her to go to sleep. During those 30 minutes, my heart broke for her. Something had to have happened tonight; she wasn't like this at all earlier. In fact, she didn't start acting weird until after she came back from the bathrooms….

I gently set Tris off of my lap and onto the bed. I adjust her blanket and the pillow underneath her head. I then grab my phone and quickly get a new group message started with only 4 people; the people that were with Tris at the bathrooms. Zeke, Uriah, Christina, and Lynn.

**Lobby. Now. All of you.**

I check on Tris one more time before silently walking out of the room and down to the lobby. I'm really hoping she doesn't wake up until I'm back. Whatever happened tonight was not good, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it.

I find myself pacing while I wait for the others to show up. Zeke shows up first.

"Stop pacing man. You're giving me a headache."

I stop pacing and impatiently wait for the others.

"What's this about, man? What happened to make you text the 4 of us to meet you in the lobby at, like, midnight?" he asks.

I stare at him. "I'm not sure yet."

He looks confused, but then I see something in his eyes that lets me know I was right.

_Whatever happened to Tris happened while they were at the bathrooms._

Uriah shows up next. "What do you need, Four?"

"You're about to find out," is the only thing I say to him.

Finally, Christina and Lynn meet up with us. I see Uriah's eyes flick over them, then to Zeke, and I see something dawning on him as well.

"Oh shit," I hear him whisper to himself. I smirk.

_Gotcha._

We all wordlessly go to a set of chairs in the back corner; no one can hear us from over here.

"So…." Christina drawls, obviously trying to get rid of the silence.

"So...I know you guys know why you're here right now. There's no use in trying to act like you don't," I state.

All of them look down at the floor, almost guiltily.

"Something happened tonight. Tris has been acting weird ever since you all came back from the bathrooms. She's been incredibly spaced off and has barely said a word to me since then. She wouldn't make eye contact with me unless I forced her to, and she almost acts like she's...what's the word...like she's…" I pause for a moment searching for the correct word. "...numb." I pause again for a moment before continuing. "I took my shower, which only lasted about 5 minutes, and came back to see her curled up on the bed, sobbing."

I stop to let this sink in. I'm hoping to guilt trip them into telling me what happened. If they won't tell me voluntarily, then I have to get the information from them some how. And knowing them, they would've told me right away if it was something serious enough to affect one of their friends like that, unless there was a catch. So, in conclusion, Tris must have created that catch in order for them to be acting torn and guilty like this.

They exchange glances with each other, and this time I can see the guilt in their faces; I can even see it in Lynn's, which surprises me. She never shows any emotion, so whatever happened had to have been fairly bad.

"Anyone want to go first and tell me what the hell happened?"

It stays silent for a few moments as they look at each other again. Finally, Zeke speaks up.

"Listen, man. It's not that we don't want to tell you what happened. That's not it at all."

I find myself getting frustrated. "Then what is it?" I ask, letting my anger filter into my voice. I see Christina wince at my tone as she looks at the others.

"We promised her we wouldn't tell. She made us promise, Four," Christina quietly says.

So _that _was the catch.

I lean forward and say hostilely, "I don't give a _damn_ about what she made you promise. This is obviously important, and it's affecting her like no one should be affected."

Christina looks down at the floor and I can see a fine layer of tears shine in her eyes. I know she's Tris' best friend; this must be hard for her to be keeping that promise. I can tell they're all contradicted by it. They want to tell, but at the same time, I know they all want to honor the promise they made her. They want to keep Tris' trust and friendship.

I make a mental note to turn any of the anger she feels at them to me once she finds out that they told me what happened. If they tell me, I don't want Tris to think that they told me with no guilt at all. That wouldn't be fair to them.

I take a deep breath and let it out through my nose. "Listen guys, I know that you want to keep her promise. I know how you guys feel about keeping promises, let alone the ones a friend asks you to make. But I need to know. I need to know why she's acting like this. I need to know why it took 30 minutes for her to finally cry herself to sleep. I need to know why she's not herself."

I see a tear fall down Christina's cheek, but she puts her face in her hands a moment later, effectively blocking any outsiders from seeing her face. Nobody speaks for the next few minutes. Zeke and Uriah keep sharing looks with each other while Lynn fiddles with her fingers, and Christina, I assume, cries.

"I don't want to lose her trust. She's my best friend, Four. I would feel awful if I broke the promise and told you," Christina slowly says to me through her hands. She takes them off her face and I can see the paths where her tears fell. She makes eye contact with me as she says, "But I would feel even worse if I didn't."

I feel hope blossoming in my chest. If Tris' best friend is willing to tell, then I know she can get the others to agree as well. Plus, it's Christina, and Christina can make just about anyone agree with her. And if they don't, well, may God be with them.

Zeke, Uriah, and Lynn look at her with slight alarm in their faces. Christina breaks the eye contact with me and looks at them.

"Don't give me that look, guys. I promise I feel way worse than you would for agreeing to tell him. But think about this: is this promise actually worth it? Is it actually worth keeping for the way she's being affected by…it?"

She pauses for a moment before she continues. "I want my best friend back, and not telling anyone else about this, especially Four, is not a good way to start."

I wait as they mull over Christina's speech. Thankfully, I watch understanding and agreement settle on their faces instead of refusal.

"We know she's right, guys," Zeke quietly says.

Uriah sighs. Lynn keeps her eyes trained on the ground.

"I know, but that doesn't make it any easier to do," Uriah says.

A moment of silence passes.

"So how are we going to do this then?" Lynn speaks for the first time.

"Tell me exactly what happened," I demand.

Another moment of silence.

"Who's gonna start?" Christina asks.

"I will," Zeke says. He takes a deep breath. "Uriah and I came out of the bathrooms and were waiting for everyone else to come out. We were the only ones out there at the time so I just figured that everyone was still in the restrooms. Lynn and Christina came out next and Chris asked me where Tris was. I told her she was probably still in there, but she told me that Tris hadn't gone in with them. So we yelled for her a couple of times, but she didn't answer. Lynn went around to the other side of the building to look for her. We followed and saw that someone was pinning her to wall, looking quite pissed off. We didn't have to look too hard to see that he was hurting her."

My mind is running wild with this new information. _He. _That's the first word that registered in my head. They said that this person was a _he. _

I start to become impatient with the silence. Luckily, Christina steps in a moment after.

"Tris looked like she knew who this person was, and it was pretty obvious he knew her too. He told us that they were having a 'talk'. We told him to let her go and he hesitated, but eventually he must have decided that he didn't stand a chance against 4 people, let alone pissed off ones, and backed off. He told Tris he'd talk to her soon, and she got all pale and quiet. I guess that's when she first started to space off."

Uriah starts talking then. "We asked if she was okay and she said she was fine, obviously lying, but we didn't say anything. Well, at least until I put my hand on her shoulder. She flinched away from my touch almost immediately and she was wincing. So I tried to push her sleeve down to look at her shoulder, but she tried to pull away. I tugged her back by her sleeve and got a good look at it." He flicks his eyes up to me, and I can see slight anger in them. "There was already a purple and blue mark where he'd been pinning her. He obviously wasn't playing around. He _wanted_ to hurt her."

It's silent for a few more moments. My mind is still racing with unanswered questions. I'm about to ask one when surprisingly, Lynn speaks up.

"Christina pulled down her other sleeve, and she didn't even fight us. There was the exact same bruise on that shoulder too. Tris told us it wasn't a big deal, which we disagreed with, of course, and after we asked, admitted with silence that it hadn't been the first time he'd hurt her. Uriah was going to go find him, but Tris begged him not to; told him it'd only make it worse. Christina and I were about to head back, but she stopped us before we left. That's when she made us promise not to tell any of you."

After she stops, there is silence. My mind is running fast, trying to put the story together.

Who could have possibly been the one to make Tris act like the way she is now? Whoever it was had to have had plenty of control over her to keep her from fighting back. I don't know of anybody that could have possibly made her _that_ numb, _that _quiet, _that _petrified. Who could have had _that _much control over her? This guy was pinning her to a wall, but the Tris I know would have been fighting back, and according to Zeke and Christina, she was not. This guy obviously affects her so much that she shuts down and has no control over what she's thinking or doing. I don't know of anyone who could possibly do that to her.

Suddenly an idea pops into my mind, and clues start coming together.

_"Why does he do this to me?"_

"_I was thinking about Eric when that happened…"_

"_I shouldn't let him get to me like that."_

"_It's happened twice with you around and...I'm sorry."_

"_I shouldn't be affected by Eric anymore, but I am."_

"_I know I'll see him either tonight or tomorrow night when we go to the fair, and that's why I'm worried."_

"Who was he?" I ask no one in particular, but already knowing what the answer will be.

"She said his name was Eric. She wouldn't give us the last," Uriah answers.

My fists clench and I have the urge to hit something. My blood is boiling with red, hot, anger. I close my eyes and take deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I eventually succeed in doing so.

"What's wrong, man? Do you know him or something?" Zeke asks.

I open my eyes and look at all of them. "Not personally, but I know what he's done to Tris."

They exchange glances and must decide to not ask questions, for they stay silent. Probably a good decision.

I keep taking deep breaths and calming myself down until I feel my blood go back to normal temperature and my fists unclench, the urge to punch something barely there.

"That's all I needed, guys. Thanks."

They look at me warily. Lynn carefully gets up and walks out of the lobby to the elevators. Christina hesitatingly follows her, and Uriah after her. Zeke gets up last, but instead of going towards the elevators, he goes to the front desk. He exchanges a few words with the girl there and she disappears. She comes back a minute later with a couple of things in her hands. She gives them to Zeke, who then comes over to me and drops them in my lap.

"Ice packs. Once you get up there, just break them and they'll get cold," he says in a matter-of-fact tone.

I raise my eyebrows. "Ice? For what?"

"You haven't seen Tris' shoulders yet, man. Look at them when you get up there, then you'll know why I asked for the ice. The third one is for anything else he might've done to her that we didn't know about."

He pats me on the shoulder and leaves. I sit down in the lobby, alone, for the next few minutes, then finally head back to the room with 3 ice packs in hand.

**Tris' POV**

I wake with a scream and sit up; another nightmare. I immediately reach in the dark for Tobias, for comfort, but he's not there. The bed is empty. I listen for a minute for any noise that indicates he's here somewhere, maybe in the bathroom, but I'm only met with the sound of my own breathing.

"Tobias?"

I get no answer. I start to panic. Where'd he go? Why'd he leave? Did he finally see that I was too broken to be messed with? Did he finally leave me for good? Did he go to Zeke's room to stay for the rest of the nights here?

Tears well up in my eyes. I stretch my arm out towards where the lamp would be, but immediately pull it back due to the immense pain in my shoulder. I almost forgot about that. I reach behind me and feel my head. When my fingers run over the bump, small prickles of pain shoot up through my scalp, and my head starts to pound again. I wince and regret trying to find that bump.

I scoot over more towards Tobias' side of the bed, then reach for the lamp. It takes me a few seconds to find it, but when I do, I flick the switch and a dim light fills the room.

"Tobias?" I try one more time. But just like I expected, there is only silence.

I look at the time on the alarm clock: 12:20. I was only sleeping for about 30 minutes...maybe I've just gotten so used to him laying beside me that when my brain didn't sense him there, I woke up from my nightmare sooner than I usually would. Maybe.

I look around and see that all of his belongings are still here, including his phone. It reassures me a bit. Surely he wouldn't have left to go stay at Zeke's without all of his stuff, right?

I keep looking around for clues as to where he would've gone. I get out of bed and walk around the room, but I find nothing out of place. It makes me frustrated. He had to have gone _somewhere. _He couldn't have just disappeared out of thin air. I stand on my tippy toes and look on top of the TV stand where we kept the keycard to our room. I don't find it. It's gone.

I sigh in relief. Tobias must have taken it. At least I know that wherever he is, he plans on coming back soon. If he didn't, he wouldn't have taken the keycard. He would have just knocked. He obviously knew he was coming back late and didn't want to disturb me if I was sleeping, which ended up being pointless because I'm definitely awake now.

I crawl back into bed and lean up against the headboard. I wince at the hardness of it and place a pillow behind me. When I lean against it again, it's softer and easier to relax with. I take the blanket next to me and cover myself up with it. I'm determined to stay awake until Tobias gets back from...well, wherever he is.

20 minutes later, and he still has not shown up. The pillow behind me is now starting to become uncomfortable, so I scoot to the edge of the bed and stand up. I start to pace around the room and have a conversation with the voice inside my head.

_He's ok, right?_

_Of course he is. He has to be okay._

_Yeah. I knew that. I knew that._

_He's a big boy. He can take care of himself._

_Then where did he go? _

_Don't ask me. _

_I know. But, where could he have went for him to be gone this long?_

_I told you don't ask me. I'm just a figment of your imagination._

I sigh in frustration, and I'm in such deep thought that I don't watch where I'm going, and end up tripping on a chair and falling. I land on my left shoulder and hiss in pain. I angrily push myself up and run my fingers through my hair in utter frustration.

After 10 more minutes of pacing, I sigh and go into the bathroom to look at my throbbing shoulders. My shirt is big enough I can push both sleeves down quite easily. I grind my teeth and hold in a scream of anger when I see what I let Eric do to me. There are bruises on each shoulder that are such a deep color of purple, they almost look black. My left shoulder, the one I landed on, has a red spot next to the bruise.

_Wonderful._

I huff and pull my sleeves back up, refusing to look at them any longer, and exit the bathroom.

I start to pace again, but this time I look at the ground so I don't fall. My brain starts to speak again.

_He probably took the keycard just so you would think he'd come back. So you wouldn't think anything of his disappearance._

I shake my head at myself.

_He knows how broken you are. Why wouldn't he up and leave? He's probably making a deal with Zeke right now. He left and is sleeping on couch._

"He wouldn't," I whisper, trying to make myself think another way.

_Actually, you know what I just thought about? He probably hid the keycard somewhere that way you would have to go to more trouble in finding it. He hid the keycard, left, and wants to see you struggle._

"No he doesn't," I whisper to myself again.

My brain finally shuts up, but after 5 more minutes of pacing, I can't help but think about the whole 'hiding the keycard' idea and start to look for it.

I get down on my hands and knees and look behind the stand where the keycard was kept. I don't find it there, so I crawl and look underneath the bed. Nothing. I stand and pull open every drawer I can see, but I still find nothing.

_Why are you looking!? You know there's no keycard here, Tris! He didn't hide it! You should've known that!_

I give a cry of anger and feel tears of frustration fill my eyes. Of course he didn't hide the keycard! Why would I even begin to believe that?! I trust him, and he _will _come back!

I pace for what seems like ages, when I finally hear the sound of a door opening. I instantly snap my head up to look at the door. I sigh in half relief, half frustration when I see Tobias standing there.

As soon as he shuts the door I angrily whisper, "Where _were_ you?!"

I don't know why I'm so angry. It's not like I think he'd leave me without saying anything. He obviously thought I was sleeping when he left, and didn't want to wake me up. Maybe that's why I'm so angry; because he _did _leave without saying anything. He didn't leave me like the way I thought he did, but he did disappear for a while without telling me, and _that's _what I think is getting to me. Because he _could've _left me, and I wouldn't have even known he had until later.

Tobias sets whatever he has in his hands down on top of the TV stand, but I don't care enough to look and see what they are.

"You just _left! _The least you could've done is left a note, or a text, or-or, _something!_" I whisper and feel tears of frustration start to fall down my cheeks. I wipe them away angrily.

"Tris, listen-"

"No, you listen to me! I had no idea what happened to you, or what I did, or where you went!" I run my fingers through my hair again. "I-I thought you left me! I thought that you went to Zeke's and-and...I don't know! Left!"

I pause for a minute. Why am I acting like this? There's no reason for me to be this angry with him. I run my fingers through my hair once more, look away from his eyes, and sigh. I sit down on the edge of the bed behind me.

"I'm sorry. I just...I woke up and you were gone and…I don't know. I panicked. I'm sorry," I say, much more gently this time.

He sits down next to me and wraps an arm around my lower back. I tuck my head into his side and play with my fingers.

"Remember earlier when I said to stop apologizing for things you don't need to apologize for? This is what I was talking about."

I sigh. "But I still feel bad about it."

"You don't need to."

"I've just been kind of...out of it tonight, for some reason," I half-lie. Yes, I've been out of it, but I know the reason.

"Would that reason have to do with someone in particular?"

I frown. What does he mean? He can't know, can he? I never said anything to him, and as far as I know, no one else has either.

_You're thinking too far into it, Tris. Of course he doesn't know._

I stay silent, still contemplating his question when he asks another.

"Maybe someone named, oh, I don't know, Eric?"

I freeze and forget how to breathe for a moment. I blink a few times before realization hits me like a truck. I take my head off him, and move away. I stare at him for a little while before trying to answer.

"Wha-what do you mean?"

He lets out a breath through his nose. "I _mean_, I know what happened last night."

I stare at him, confused and slightly mortified. "How?" It only came out as a whisper.

He takes another deep breath. "I was downstairs with Zeke, Uriah, Christina, and Lynn. That's where I was when I was missing."

"And they told you?" I say with slight anger.

_How could they? They promised me they wouldn't tell!_

"Tris, don't blame them. They felt really bad about it, Christina especially. Blame me if you want to. I'm the one who guilt tripped them into it."

I shake my head in disbelief. "Why would you do that?"

"Listen, I knew something had happened at the bathrooms. You'd been acting weird ever since you came back from there. Plus, I don't like seeing you like that. I had to do something about it."

I look down at the ground and clench my jaw. I'm not necessarily angry, but I am upset that he found out. I tried to get myself to be angry with him, but it didn't work. I can try my hardest, but my brain always knows it's fake and turns back to telling me he only wanted to know because he cares.

After a few minutes of silence, I sigh and run my fingers through my hair….yes, again. Tears prick my eyes but I blink them away. I rest my elbows on my thighs and set my head on top of my hands, not quite ready to meet his eyes yet.

A hand tentatively touches my back. When I don't show any signs of wanting it off, it starts to run up and down my spine. I take a deep breath in and out.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, a little bit hurt.

I bite my lip. "I didn't want to drag you into another mess."

"What do you mean, 'another mess'?"

"Well I've figured just being with me in general is a mess."

"Tris-"

"Don't try to tell me it's not. I break down close to every damn week, if not every day. Then you always seem to be there and see me and then feel obligated to stay with me until I stop. I'm clearly the one who is messed up in this relationship, and by telling you about Eric I was afraid I would just put another thing on your plate and then make you stressed and worried and unhappy and…"

I run my fingers through my hair and accidentally touch one of his fingers that's at the top of my spine. I go to pull away but his fingers grip the ends of mine and he brings them down between us.

"Sorry, I'm rambling. But my point still remains."

"It's not a mess, Tris. I promise."

I shake my head. It is a mess, and I know it, but I've argued enough with him tonight. A couple of minutes of silence pass.

"And by the way, you're not the only one who's messed up. If you think I don't have any problems, then you're very mistaken. It's not just you, so stop thinking it is."

I'm extremely tempted to comment, but I know it would start another argument, so I hold back.

"Can I see your shoulders?"

I look at him. "They told you about that too?" I say, not exactly surprised.

He nods. I sigh. "How bad did they make it sound?"

He shrugs and fidgets a little. "Well…"

"Nevermind. That was a stupid question."

Another minute passes by. "Can I?"

I bite my cheek. "Whatever. Look at them if you want. I've already had 4 people see them, what's another?" I ask, a little annoyed that they made it out to be such a big deal.

"Tris…"

"Go ahead. I don't care."

His eyes look tentative, and I look away as he pushes down my right sleeve first. I feel him tense up and I bite my cheek harder.

After a few minutes, he reaches around me and pulls my left sleeve down. I risk a look up at him. His eyebrows are crinkled, his eyes are full of anger and concern, and his jaw is clenched as he looks at my shoulder. I look back down.

His thumb brushes over the bruise and I bite my cheek even harder at the sudden rush of pain it brings. A bit of a metallic taste fills my mouth and I know I've just cut my cheek, so I loosen up on my hold, but can't bring myself to let go completely as he brushes over it again.

"Does that hurt?" he asks.

_Yes._

"No."

"Really? Your shoulders don't hurt? _At all?_"

He empathizes 'at all' with a little squeeze to both of my shoulders. I can't help it; I let out a small noise. He sighs and stands up.

"And that's why Zeke got some of these for you."

He reaches up to whatever he set on the TV stand before. I never did bother to look and see what they were. When he brings them down I see they're ice packs. I shake my head.

"I don't need them."

Maybe I should have them, but I don't care, I don't care, I don't care. If I let him put them on me it'll just mean Eric won; that he did manage to hurt me again. It'll be like admitting to weakness.

"Tris, you need them."

I shake my head again. He sighs and sets them down on the edge of the bed. He grabs my waist and picks me up so I'm just an inch or less above the bed. He pushes me back farther and then lets go. I cross my arms and huff at him. He smirks and pushes on my stomach so I'm laying down.

"That's not fair," I mumble. He only smirks again.

He grabs the ice packs and crawls over me. I stiffen up for a second. A burst of fear rushes through my chest, but I don't know why. I try to sit up, trying to both get rid of the fear and avoid the ice packs, but he pushes me back down. Gently, of course, but still the fear remains. And I don't know why.

Then I blink. In the split second of black I see, I also see Eric over me the exact same way Tobias is now. My heart beats faster as I realize something. It's the reason I felt so embarrassed this morning when I was curved into Tobias as much as I was. It's the reason I stop kisses before they can turn into anything too heated.

_I'm afraid of intimacy._

I blush involuntarily at my stupid fear. I cannot believe that out of all things, out of _everything _in the _entire world_ that I could be afraid of, I'm afraid of…._that_.

And of course, Tobias notices my blush and decides to say something.

"What?"

I feel myself blush harder and I look away. "Nothing."

"Tris-"

"It's not important, okay?" I snap.

I look back into his enchanting, deep blue eyes. He stares back at me. The look is so intense that when I remember what position we're in, it makes me blush even harder.

_Change. Topic. Now._

"I don't need the ice packs," I say stubbornly.

He sighs. "Yes you do. Don't keep arguing with me. I'm going to force you to keep them on if it's the last thing I do," he stubbornly says back.

"Tobias," I groan. "I don't need them."

"Yes you do. Listen, you may have argued your way out of things with me before, but trust me: this is not a battle you are going to win. You're not going to change my mind or talk your way out of this one. So stop trying and just let me put the ice packs on you."

I glare at him for a second. Once I see that he's not budging, I sigh.

"Fine," I snap.

He smirks a bit, then gets off and sits to the side of me. He cracks the ice packs. They must be the ones that only get cold after you do that.

"You can sit up now if you want," he says. I glare at him for a second. Why wouldn't he just let me sit up earlier?

He must've wanted to get me in a position where I would actually listen to him. If that was the case, then he definitely succeeded.

I start to push myself up, then wince a bit at the throbbing of my shoulders. And of course, because why not, Tobias notices. One of his hands grabs my waist while the other braces the back of my head. I bite my lip harshly when his hand hits the bump on my head and starts a painful throbbing there as well. I quickly push myself up, _with_ Tobias' help, which I don't like to admit to. I don't want to need someone else's help, _especially _for little things like sitting up. I could've done it on my own.

Instead of berating him, I just keep quiet and ignore the fact that I had help. He reaches for the ice packs and places one gently on each shoulder. They do feel nice, but I would never admit it to his face.

He picks up a third one I didn't realize was there. "Do you need this one anywhere?"

_My head._

"No."

He looks extremely skeptical. "So...he didn't hurt you _anywhere _else_? _Nowhere at _all_? He _only _hurt your shoulders?"

I bite my cheek when I realize how ridiculous it sounds. Of course he knows that Eric would have hurt me somewhere other than my shoulders. Tobias will never believe Eric never hurt me anywhere else.

I sigh. "Fine. Give me that," I say and hold out my hand carefully, trying not to let the ice pack fall off my shoulder.

He shakes his head at me. I frown. "No. If you hold it, you'll just knock the other ones off. Let me do it."

I grit my teeth as I contemplate if this is worth arguing over.

"C'mon, Tris, please. I already feel awful for not being there when this happened. Please let me do at least _something_."

He looks hurt and guilty; two things that he should not be feeling. I carefully move my hand down and grab what I can of his free one. I gently squeeze his fingers.

"This is not your fault," I say.

"But if I'd just gone with you, then maybe I could've helped. I could've done _something._"

I shake my head. "That only would have made him more pissed. Zeke, Uriah, Christina, and Lynn did everything exactly right. They got him to back off without making him any more angry at me than he already was."

He breaks eye contact and I gently squeeze his hand again. He stays silent and I realize that maybe I just made him feel even more guilty.

I squeeze his fingers again, silently telling him to look back at me. He slowly brings his eyes up to mine. They look the same; hurt and guilty.

"The back of my head would be nice," I gently say and give him a little smile. He releases a breath and his eyes become more like the ones I'm used to. He leans forward and kisses my forehead before putting the ice pack on my head. He squeezes my fingers and I relax a bit.

After a few minutes of silence, I look at his eyes again, which are still looking away from me.

"Tobias…."

His eyes meet mine and I rack my mind for something to say, anything I can say, to fill this silence. Instead, my mind goes blank and we sit in silence, staring at each other.

Later, I feel the ice packs start to warm and I blush, wondering how long we've been like this...but I don't look away.

Eventually, the ice packs are not even cold anymore; yet, we're still staring at each other. I am the first to break the intense gaze. I look at the clock behind me and blush furiously when I see the time. It's 1:50am already. We've been staring at each other for at least 20 minutes now.

"_It's rude to stare Beatrice," _my father's voice rings in my head. This is the second time he's said that in my head. You'd think I'd stop staring by now, but I still continue to stare at Tobias. I can't help it; his eyes are captivating.

I look down at my lap as I pull the ice packs off my shoulders. Tobias takes the hint and takes off the one he has placed on the back of my head.

"Tris, look at me."

I slowly do, but flick my eyes away from his almost as soon as I meet them. He sighs and grabs the ice packs from my hands. He gets off the bed and I watch him as he places them in the small freezer we have, then look away from him again as he turns back. He sits back down next to me.

"Why do you do that?"

I frown. "Why do I do what?"

His hand goes to my cheek and tilts it up. When I meet his eyes, I look away.

"That. Why do you act like it's so wrong to look at someone in the eyes?"

I shrug.

"No, Tris. You've got to stop telling me something is nothing all the time. Why do you do that?"

I bite my lip.

"Look at me, Tris."

I flick my eyes to him and away again. He gently pushes my face closer to his so I couldn't look away from his eyes if I tried. I feel myself blush as my father's scolding repeats in my mind and close my eyes.

"Tris."

I open them again. "My father...he...he told me once that it was rude to stare. And every time I do…." I sigh. "His voice rings through my head, reminding me not to stare." I tilt my head down out of his grasp and squeeze my hands together. "I guess I just feel guilty, like I'm doing something I shouldn't be. I know that they're...gone...but...it still feels like they're right there, reminding me what and what not to do. I know it probably sounds a little crazy, me hearing their voices and all, but I don't know. It comforts me in some way and I feel like if I ignore that voice then I'm disobeying them and doing something they'd disapprove of and-"

My head is tilted up and gentle lips meet mine. I close my eyes. It only lasts for a few seconds before he pulls away.

"You're rambling again, Tris," he mumbles.

I nod subconsciously and lean forward, putting my forehead against his. We breathe each other's air for a few minutes before he pulls back again. I slowly open my eyes.

"No more secrets, okay?" he whispers.

I nod. "No more secrets," I whisper back.

I lean my head on his again and we stay here for a while. His hands slowly run up and down my sides and no one speaks.

"C'mon, let's get to bed," he whispers what feels like hours later, probably sensing how exhausted I was.

I pull back and open my eyes. I nod at him and scoot up the bed. We both slide under the covers, and his arms wrap around me, pulling me closer. I put a hand on his stomach and start to drift off. He turns a bit to shut off the lamp, and that's when I remember what I did earlier. My hands search for the hem of his shirt. The lamp doesn't go off yet.

"Tris, what are you doing?"

I don't reply, but instead pull his shirt up to expose the bottoms of his ribs. And there I see it: a dark purple bruise. I clench my jaw at the sight of it. I slide my hand down and gently touch it with my fingers. I stare at it, wondering how I let myself do this to him.

"Tris," he says, and covers my hand with his, "It's okay."

I shake my head and take a deep breath. "This is not okay."

"Tris…" His other hand tilts my chin up to look at him. "It's okay."

I stare at him for a little while, wondering how he can be okay with this. I look back down at his hand covering mine on his stomach. I move my hand under it and gently stroke the bruise with my thumb.

"Does it hurt?" I quietly ask.

"No, it doesn't. You need to quit being so hard on yourself. I'm okay, Tris."

His hand tilts my chin up again. "I promise, okay, Tris? I promise it's okay."

I bite my lip and after a while, nod. I lay back down with my hand still on the bruise, and his hand still covering mine. He turns and shuts the lamp off for real this time, and darkness fills the room.

Pretty soon his breaths even out, his stomach rises and falls at a slower pace, and I know he's fallen asleep. I should move my hand away...but I don't want to. I blush again. I can't believe I'm afraid of...well...you know.

I try to tell myself that the only reason I'm not moving my hand is because his is on top of mine still and I don't want to disturb him, but I know that's not entirely true. Still, it's better than admitting to myself that I like this.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I rest my head on Tobias' outstretched arm and close my eyes. I fall asleep soon afterwards.

**Okay! I FINALLY UPDATED! Like I said before, I'm so sorry! I work Monday, Thursday, and Friday, along with most Saturday's, so I schedule appointments and everything for my days off then by the time I'm done with each day I just want to crash! So I wrote this little by little, stopped by writer's block a lot, and eventually got it completed. I'm sorry if it seems a bit choppy, I really am, but let me remind you that with finals and everything in that last month of school followed by work and softball, I've been writing pieces of the chapter without really reading what I wrote before. Of course I remember the general idea of what I was writing, but that's all I really went off of.**

**I'm sorry it took so long, but hopefully (HOPEFULLY) it won't take that long again for a while! Thanks for your patience and understanding guys! I really do appreciate it! I ALSO WANT TO THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS AND FAVORITES AND FOLLOWS I GOT JUST FROM LAST CHAPTER ALONE! I now have 452 reviews, 255 favorites, and 314 follows! That's a crazy amount! Thank you so much!**

**Also, Google Docs (the software I use to write) recently came out with an update, so now I can see how many words are in each chapter before I go and post it! I can set goals for myself now like "You need to write 1,000 more words before you can go to bed!" which works almost every time! So I can proudly say that this chapter has 11,526 words, and 47,472 characters (excluding spaces)!**

**Can we shoot for 460 reviews, 260 favorites, and 320 follows? And like I've said before, I hope that's not too much! I always feel a bit nervous putting these goals out there because sometimes I feel like I ask for too much...but you haven't said anything to me about that so I hope you guys don't think I'm like that! **

**HAVE A FANTASTICALLY AMAZING DAY! **


	31. Chapter 31

**Hey guys! So I tried to write this one a bit quicker so I could update sooner, but it still took a while and I apologize for that! Even though it's summer, I still have been crazy busy!**

**Anyways….here is Chapter 31 for y'all reading this!**

**Disclaimer: Honestly, I would have never thought of a plot line like Divergent's. So I have to give all credit to Veronica Roth because I, obviously, don't own the series!**

**Chapter 31**

**Tris' POV**

"_Stop! Please!"_

_I don't know where I am, or how I got here; all I know is that I'm stuck here with Eric with no one around._

"_You know, I've always wondered how it sounded when you begged."_

_My clothes are torn and scattered around the small room that we're in. Eric's are gone too, and he's leaning over me with a sick smile on his face._

"_Please, Eric. Please don't do this," I whisper._

_He laughs, but surprisingly doesn't….start, yet._

"_Oh, __**I **__won't be the one to do this. At least, not until the end."_

_Suddenly, a long line full of faceless men appear in the room. I can feel myself drop a dozen skin tones. And judging by the look on Eric's face, I'm a sickly color of white right now._

"_No. Please. Please, no," is the only thing I can manage to get out. He laughs and gets off of me. I try to sit up, so maybe I can try to find a way out of this, but I'm stopped by Eric who gets on top of me again. He snarls at me, shoves me down, and roughly puts his lips just about anywhere he can reach. His hands grope me and I scream out, hoping for help to show up. Instead, Eric clamps his hand over my mouth and puts shackles on my hands and feet, not allowing any movement from me._

"_Now, now, now, Beatrice. We wouldn't want to give these men any trouble, now would we?"_

_Tears stream down my face. He laughs sardonically and pulls a knife out of thin air._

"_**This is just a dream," **__my mind realizes._

"_And if you choose to give any of them any kind of trouble at all...well, let's just say that you won't only be hurting down there."_

"_**As soon as one of them come up to me, I'll wake up and this will all be over,"**_ _I try to reassure myself._

_The first man comes and I clench my jaw, ready for this to be done. Ready to wake up._

_The only thing is, I don't._

_I try to stay calm as the first one starts. I close my eyes and take deep breaths._

_**This is just a dream. This is just a dream.**_

_I bite my lip to keep from screaming out in pain as they all take their turns._

_**But if this is just a dream, then why am I not waking up?**_

_Eventually, my heart cannot stay at a steady pace, and my brain cannot keep ignoring what's happening to me. I scream and try to move the man off of me, but I can barely budge. The only thing I accomplish is making the man angrier so he causes me more pain. A __**lot **__more pain._

_Tears stream down my face and I keep screaming until my throat goes raw. I start to sob as it seems that the line of men will never end. The worst part of this is that Eric knows exactly what I'm scared of, so he strapped down my arms and legs that way I would be unable to do anything about what's happening. He made me helpless and feel oh, so completely out of control. I feel vulnerable, as my arms and legs are stretched out, making my body as exposed as possible, when all I want to do is crawl up into a tiny ball._

_After what seems like an entire lifetime, the line finally ends and my sobs are not only of pain, but of relief as well._

"_Now, now, Beatrice. I wouldn't be too thrilled quite yet. You still have __**me.**_"

_I open my eyes to watch him as he circles around me. He stares at every inch of my body and my hands twitch in the shackles, wanting to cover myself. _

"_How do you feel, now that we're almost done? You're used and dirty. No one else will want you, you filthy girl."_

_I clench my jaw and yank my hands up, trying one last time to get out of these shackles. He laughs._

"_Stop trying, Beatrice. It's too late."_

"_**It's too late." His voice keeps ringing through my mind.**_

_He crawls on top of me and runs his fingertips along my chest. I feel sick._

"_Look at you; you're hideous. You look like a 12 year old, at most."_

_I grit my teeth and more tears fall out of my eyes at the anticipation of what is about to happen. Again._

_His eyes come up to my face while his hands still travel around my chest, groping me._

"_Your face is hideous too. I mean, look at you; your nose is way too big, your eyes are the most ugly color I've seen, and your lips are too small."_

_I stiffen up as his hands start to travel lower. His eyes follow his movements._

"_Let's be honest here, Beatrice. There is nothing about you that anyone could __**possibly**_ _find attractive. You're completely and utterly hideous. Ugly. Stupid.."_

_His hands are now down….__**there**__, and it takes everything I have in me not to scream out yet._

"_I wish I had more to work with; more to have_ _**fun**_ _with. Sadly, all I get is this joke of a girl."_

_He pauses for a moment, looking me in the eyes._

"_But oh well, what can you do?" are the last words he says before slamming into me. I scream out in pain and yank my hardest against the shackles. I sob and sob and sob until I no longer have any tears left._

_I close my eyes and keep struggling, hoping maybe one of these times, the shackles will break and I can escape this hell. But they never do. _

_It seems to last forever, but finally Eric is done. I open my eyes as he collapses on top of me, and I buck my hips, trying to get him off. He gets up a moment later, seemingly unbothered by my struggling. He looks at me and I feel like I'm shrinking under his stare. He kneels down next to me and picks me up by my hair, leaning close to my face._

"_You're pathetic," he spits._

_He slams my head onto the concrete underneath me and I suddenly feel dizzy and sick. Everything is spinning and black dots start to cover my vision._

"_I'll see you tomorrow, Beatrice," is the last thing I hear before the black completely takes over._

**UH OH! THE PAGE BROKE! WHATEVER SHALL I DO!?**

I wake up with a start. My head is pounding and the room seems to spin. My stomach starts to churn and I get up, running to the bathroom. I manage to turn the light on before I fall to my knees in front of the toilet, heaving and gagging. But since there is nothing in my stomach, nothing comes out.

I hear footsteps and feel a presence behind me. Fingers brush my neck as they move the hair out of my face and hold it behind my head. I heave for what seems like forever until my stomach decides to finally give up.

I'm shaking everywhere and feel as if I'm in 100 degree weather with nothing to help cool me down. I slump down onto the floor and appreciate the cold that the tiles beneath my legs provide. I have an urge to lay down and press my face against them, so instead of fighting the temptation, I do exactly that. I close my eyes and hope that this nauseous feeling will go away soon.

"Tris, what's going on?" Tobias asks and I feel him brush my hair back out of my face again. The noise hurts my head and somehow I find enough strength to put my finger up against my lips, signaling him to be quiet. After a few minutes of this, I hear him sigh and stand up. He walks out of the room for a moment, and while he's gone, I scoot over a bit so I'm laying on new tiles; the others were starting to match my body heat.

He comes back in and kneels next to me. I hear a couple of things being dropped onto the counter above me and I wince. His hand comes up to my forehead and another goes to the back of my neck. His hands feel nice and cool against my burning skin.

"Shit, Tris. You're burning up," he whispers quietly to me.

"I'm not sick," I manage to get out. I am still extremely nauseous and can feel myself shaking, but it's not because of a sickness. It's because of the dream. My stomach churns again just thinking about it.

I open my eyes just slightly, and wince again at the light. Why did I have to turn on the light?

Luckily, Tobias gets the hint, gets up, and moments afterwards it's dark again. I open my eyes more, and since there is a small blue night-light in the corner of the bathroom, I can still see my surroundings. Tobias crouches down next to me once more. His hand goes to my forehead again, and I raise my still shaking hand to cover it, trying to keep it on there for as long as possible.

Eventually, my headache goes away a bit so it's not as severe, and I don't feel so nauseous. I still shake, but it's not as violent as before.

We sit in silence for a little bit longer. The tiles grow warm again, but I don't find the will to move somewhere else a bit cooler.

"Just a second, Tris," Tobias whisper before getting up and heading out of the bathroom for a second time. I close my eyes as I wait for him to come back. I feel as if every ounce of energy I had has been sucked out of me. I'm absolutely exhausted, but I don't want to go to sleep and worry about having another dream like...that.

Eric's voice starts to go through my head, repeating the things he said to me.

"_There is nothing about you that anyone could possibly find attractive. You're completely and utterly hideous."_

"_Sadly, all I get is this joke of a girl."_

"_Your nose is way too big, your eyes are the most ugly color I've seen, and your lips are too small."_

"_You look like a 12 year old, at most."_

"_You're used and dirty. No one else will want you, you filthy, hideous, girl."_

"_You're pathetic."_

I feel a sudden burst of cool on the back of my neck and I sigh in relief. Another burst of cool lands on my forehead, followed by one more on the middle of my stomach. I feel myself cooling down almost instantly and my shaking calms down immensely. The cold helps the pounding in my head so it becomes somewhat bearable.

Several minutes pass and my body temperature feels as if it's back to normal. I open my eyes again and meet Tobias'.

"Thank you," I whisper.

He shakes his head. "I'm worried about you, Tris."

I shake my head just barely enough that he can see it and it doesn't hurt my head anymore than it already is.

"Don't be. Please," I whisper in return.

We fall into a silence. After a few minutes, what I have now figured out are ice packs, grow warm against my skin, and I take them off of me. Tobias takes the one off of my stomach that he was holding. I blush as one of his fingers softly brushes the skin above my belly button. I hadn't realized his hand was under my shirt until now. It wasn't far under at all, only to about lower rib level, but I still find myself blushing at the accidental contact.

"You think it would be a bad idea if I sat up?" I ask before he can question my blush.

He gives me a look, but the only thing he says is, "I'll help you."

Tobias grips my shoulder with one hand and holds my head steady with the other as I push myself up. My arms start to shake violently again at the use of the muscles, and the hand on my shoulder quickly transfers to one of my arms, helping me sit. Once I'm up, I scoot back so I'm leaning against the cabinets behind me. Tobias reaches above me and grabs something.

"Here, take these."

He hands me a small cup of water and two pills. Not bothering to ask what the pills are, I take them, trusting they'll help in some way. I hand him the empty cup a moment later and he throws it away for me.

"What time is it?" I quietly ask him.

"It's only 2:30, Tris. You were only sleeping for 30 minutes."

"_You're pathetic."_

I clench my jaw and force Eric's voice to get out of my head, even if what he says is true.

Several minutes later, my head doesn't ache anymore and my shaking stops, but my eyelids and head also feel a lot heavier than before. I feel myself nodding off and I know that it's not just my exhaustion doing this to me.

"What were those pills, Tobias?" I sleepily say, slightly slurring my words together.

"One was a painkiller." He looks a bit guilty.

"And the other?" I ask, eyes starting to close.

"To help you sleep."

"I don't want to," I shakily say.

"There'll be no dreams, Tris. Only sleep, okay? I promise."

Sleep starts to overtake me. "Tobias…" What was I going to say again? I can't remember.

I close my eyes, and hands wrap around my arms, right where they join with the shoulder. He pulls me up and against his chest, gathering me into his arms, easing an arm under my knees. I press my face into his shoulder, and there is a sudden, hollow silence.

**GUYS! IT BROKE AGAIN!:(**

When I wake up again, light is shining through the window to my right, not helping my pounding head at all.

_What happened last night again?_

I close my eyes and try to remember. After a few minutes, I do. It's only then that I realize I'm curled into a small ball with Tobias' arms around me. I wait for a moment to see if he's awake, but after monitoring his breathing, I know he's still very much asleep. I feel a little bit of anger towards him for giving me that pill without asking if it was alright or telling me what it was. Why did he even have those anyways?

_You have to admit, Tris, it __**was **__nice to be able to get some sleep without any interruptions._

I clench my fists.

_He just wanted to help, Tris. You would've done the same for him._

I unclench my fists at this thought. Yes. Yes I would have done the same for him. My focus turns to his arms and I immediately relax when I feel how tight they are around me, even when he's sleeping. I sigh, feeling bad for ever getting mad at him, and scoot a bit closer to his figure. His arms automatically tighten and I smile. He tends to do that a lot without knowing it. He may not know what he's doing or what it does for me, but I'm extremely thankful for that reflexive action. It makes me feel...wanted.

I take deep breaths in and out through my nose, and start to nod off again when Tobias starts to move.

"What time is it?" I mumble sleepily into his shirt.

"Not even a good morning first?" he jokingly asks, sleep evident in his voice. I stay silent, sleep taking over again. He eventually turns around to look.

"It's 9 o'clock."

I hum in response. He stays silent, which is not usually like him to do so.

"What's wrong?" I mumble.

"Are you mad at me for last night?" he asks, clearly nervous.

I pull back a bit and open my eyes a little bit to look at him. "No, I'm not mad. It was actually kind of...nice."

And I'm not lying. It was nice to have a dreamless slumber.

He instantly relaxes and his arms wrap around me tighter. "Okay. Good."

I stare at him for a while longer before my eyes fall shut again. He lets out a low chuckle.

"Tired, are we?"

"Mmhmm," is my half-hearted reply.

After a few minutes, I ask, "So what are we doing today? Do you know?"

"Everyone is doing their own thing today again. I think most of them are probably still sleeping. We'll meet back here at around 5 so we can leave for the fair."

I tense up and open my eyes, suddenly awake. I forgot I had to go to the fair _again._ Oh God, what am I going to do if Eric shows up again? My head starts to spin.

"Hey, I know what you're thinking, so stop it. I'm not going to leave you alone, okay? I'm not gonna let him get you again."

I take a deep breath and shakily let it out before nodding. We fall into silence.

Even though Tobias' words calmed me, they didn't calm me all the way. My head doesn't spin anymore, but it pounds at the thoughts of what Eric could do to me if he gets me alone again. My head gets worse and worse the more I try to stop thinking about it. Eventually, I've cleared those thoughts from my mind, but I'm left with a jackhammer in my skull instead. I groan and cover my face, trying to get it to stop.

"Tris?"

I wince. "Happen to have anymore of those pain killers?" I ask quietly.

Movement happens beside me and I'm hit with a blast of cold air. It feels nice, but I'd rather have Tobias next to me radiating off his heat. I blush and I can't help but notice that ever since I've figured out I was afraid of intimacy I've blushed more at innocent, harmless thoughts that I wouldn't have blushed at before that realization.

When I feel Tobias' presence next to me again, I sit up and take my hands off my face. I all too greedily grab the pill and cup from his hands and gulp it down, hoping it'll kick in soon.

I'm gently pulled into arms a moment later and focus on trying to get my breaths to match his. What feels like hours later, when in reality is probably only minutes, my head has gone back to normal and my breathing is synchronized with Tobias'.

"You okay now?" he asks.

"Yeah," I say. "I'm fine."

He pulls back a bit. "How are you doing?"

I raise an eyebrow. "I just told you I'm fine?"

"No- I mean, how are you handling what happened?" he asks in a much quieter tone.

I shrug. "I'm pretty sure last night should tell you everything you need to know about that."

He slowly nods. "What was it about?" is his next question. He doesn't need to specify; I know exactly what he's talking about. A wave of nausea hits me again and I shake my head instantly.

"I don't want to talk about that."

"Tris, talking about it could help."

I shake my head again, more insistent this time. "No. Not this time. I just- I just want to forget about this one. All you need to know is it wasn't pleasant."

He sighs. "Well, then, how are your shoulders?"

I bite my lip. "Fine."

He pushes a sleeve down before I can protest and looks at it. He brushes a thumb across the bruise and I shiver at his touch. I blush, hoping he doesn't notice the goosebumps under his thumb.

"They're still pretty bruised, Tris. It's kind of difficult to believe that they aren't hurting you," he eventually says.

I shrug. "Well, if they were I hadn't noticed."

His hands go to the back of my head and gently touch the small bump there.

"I'd ask about your head, but I think I already know how that's doing."

I snort at the statement. We fall into a short silence again.

"Tris...listen to me."

I look up confusedly, but I make eye contact with him, giving him my full attention.

"I'm worried about you, okay? I know you told me not to, but if you saw me the way you were last night, you'd worry too. I know you would. So don't try to argue with me about that."

I bite my lip and drag them between my teeth repeatedly, yet again another nervous habit of mine.

"So, what are you trying to say?" I nervously ask, thinking of the worst. I look back down at his chest.

"You need to talk to someone about this, Tris."

I snap my head up and glare at him. "I am _not _going to see a stupid therapist."

He holds his hands up as if surrendering. "And I'm not saying you have to."

I frown. "Then what _are _you saying?"

He sighs. "I'm saying, that whether it be Tori, me, Christina, or someone else, you need to talk to someone about what you face during the night. It's getting out of control, Tris. You can't keep denying that. You're not accomplishing anything by denying it. The only thing you're accomplishing is lying to yourself."

I grit my teeth. He's right. I've been denying that my nightmares are steadily getting worse. I know it's true. But I'm afraid that if I have to relive them by talking about them, I'll break down and cry, and my nightmares might get worse. I'm afraid of not being in control, and that's why I keep denying that I can't handle them.

"Tris, you know I'm right."

I look up at him to find a pair of concerned ocean blue eyes staring into mine. I try to look away but he stops me by leading my face back towards him with his hands.

"I know," I finally say and sigh. Tobias lets out a breath and I look away again, his hands not stopping me this time.

"I know that they're getting worse. I know that it's getting to the point where they're out of control, but I…." I trail off.

"But you what, Tris?"

I shake my head. "Never mind."

"Tris, if you want to at least _try_ to make them better, you have to start opening up and quit bottling up."

I bite my lip. "I don't want to be weak."

"Tris."

He leads my face back again and he looks into my eyes. He sternly says, "You are _not_ weak. I don't care what you say, you are _not_ weak. You're one of the strongest people I know, and I admire you for that. Anything you say or do will not change my mind, or anyone else's, at this point of time. You can tell me, Tris. You can tell me anything that's on your mind. I won't judge you for it, and if you don't want me to, I won't comment. I can be your listener." He lets out a breath through his nose. "Listen, my point is, whoever you decide to talk to won't judge you. They will only think of you as a stronger person once you're done."

"Do you really think that about me?" I shakily ask.

"I mean each and every word."

I give him a small smile as I think about what he just said. We fall into silence for a little while before he speaks up again.

"You _need_ to find someone to talk to about this. If you want, you could go and talk to Tori right now. I'm sure she's up."

I shake my head furiously. "No. I can't talk to her about this."

Tobias frowns. "Why not?"

I bite my lip and shrug in an effort to make my instant refusal less suspicious. "I don't want to talk to her."

"First you say you can't, then you say you don't want...what's this about? You still get along, right?" His eyebrows furrow in concern. I nod, answering his question.

"Yeah, we still get along."

He waits for me to continue, but I don't. He sighs. "Tris, at least tell me why you won't talk to Tori."

I shrug again.

"Tris, c'mon. Please."

I sigh and look down at my fingers. "She maybe...might not know about what Eric did to me…"

"About last night?" he asks.

I shake my head "No...well, yes that too...but...I mean...she doesn't know about...what happened...when I was...when I was 14…"

It takes him a couple of seconds, but then I see realization dawn on him. "Wait-so let me get this straight; Tori, the one who has been raising you for the past couple of years, doesn't know that Eric _raped _you?" he asks in a hushed tone.

I wince. "No…."

"Did your _parents_ know?!"

I slowly shake my head.

He sighs in exasperation. "God, Tris! Does _anyone _know besides me?!"

I bite my lip and tears fill my eyes. "Caleb did."

He immediately falls silent.

"Caleb knew, and he promised me that he'd always be there for me. He also told me that if I needed someone to talk to, about anything, I could go to him." I struggle to keep the tears from falling.

"I guess that's why I have a lot of trouble talking to people about this kind of stuff...because I feel like that was Caleb's job. I feel like no one else should have to take his place. I just keep thinking that someday he'll wake up and come back and then after he does I can tell him about everything I've encountered. I just keep waiting for that day, but I know that it won't come." I let out a short burst of air, half laughter, half sob. "I guess that's just one more thing I'm lying to myself about, huh?"

One tear falls and his thumb wipes it off. "I'm afraid, Tobias," I weakly say.

"Afraid of what?" he quietly and confusedly asks.

I wait a moment or two before telling him.

"Afraid of opening up to someone. I mean, I opened up to Eric and look what he did to me. I opened up to Caleb and he died one year later. I opened up to Hailey, and she ended up ruining my life. My point is, I haven't had very good experiences in the past, and if everything is just going to end up shitty anyways, why try? Why open up to someone, tell them your deepest, darkest, secrets, then have them turn around and leave you?"

A couple more tears fall from my eyes. "That's why I don't want to tell people things. To me, it's either open up to someone and lose them, or bottle things up and keep them. And if I open up, I just let them into the worst parts of me, only to have them go and spread it around to everyone, only making me worse. I let them into my mess of a life, and they go and make it even more of a mess."

I pause for a moment. "That's why I'm afraid. I don't want to lose Tori, or the gang. I don't want to lose you. You're the only one who's been able to help me at all, and I don't want you walking out of my life. Not now, not ever," I shakily finish.

It stays silent for a few minutes, then he leads my face back to face him.

"Tris, you have every right to be afraid. You have every right, and more. I know you've had bad experiences, but that doesn't mean that every time you open up to someone, something bad will happen. Everyone is afraid of showing their deepest and darkest parts of themselves. It's not wrong to feel afraid of that. But I promise you, I would _never _walk out on you. You opened up to me already about Eric and your birthday, right?" I slowly nod. "And I haven't walked away, have I?" I slowly shake my head. "So why would I walk away now?"

I shrug and pause before answering. "I'm used and filthy. I'd be giving you the perfect chance to walk away from me. I'm not exactly what you call a 'perfect' girl."

"Tris, you are not _used, _and you are not _filthy_, and I don't want to hear you say that ever again. There is no one perfect in this world, Tris, so you need to stop comparing yourself to girls who you think are perfect. You've proved that you don't have to be perfect to be beautiful. Okay? No one will ever be perfect. No one. Understand?"

I blush at his compliment. "I'm not beautiful," I mumble.

"Tris, not this again."

"My nose is way too big, my eyes are the most ugly shade of color I've ever seen, and my lips are too small. I look like a 12 year old," I recite from memory.

"Who told you that?" Tobias asks, with anger in his tone.

"Myself. And...and Eric…" I hesitatingly add on.

"You're only telling yourself that because Eric told you it first."

I bite my lip. He's right. So I don't argue.

He sighs. "When did he tell you that?"

I shrug. "A lot."

"Was the most recent time last night?"

I raise my eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"When he had you alone, is that what he told you?"

I shake my head.

"Then when?"

I shrug. "This isn't very relevant to the conversation."

"Tris, don't shut me out. We just talked about this."

I bite my lip. "It was last night."

"But you told me he didn't tell you that when he had you alone…?"

"And he didn't," I say as I shake my head.

"Tris, stop being so confusing and just tell me when he said it."

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "It was last night, but not at the fair. He was in my...dream. He- he said that, and told me I was pathetic, and that no one else would want me. He said no one would ever be able to find me attractive, or any part of me attractive. He told me I was a joke of a girl and I was hideous. He-"

"Tris, stop."

I open my eyes to look at him. He looks extremely concerned, but I'm not exactly sure why. His eyes look at my cheek a moment later and his thumb wipes off a tear that I didn't know existed.

"Don't listen to him. You have to stop letting him win over your mind, okay?"

"But it's tr-"

"Tris, I swear if I hear you saying those things to yourself again, I will tell Tori everything."

My eyes bulge out. "But, you can't! You can't do that!"

"Then stop telling yourself those things."

"It's not that easy," I snap.

"It's only as hard as you make it."

I clench my jaw. "Fine. Whatever."

"Tris-"

"I get it, Tobias," I say and slightly glare at him. He grits his teeth slightly but says nothing in return.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, neither one moving away from the other, but not exactly wanting to stay either. His arms eventually unwrap from around me.

"You're so difficult sometimes, Tris."

I clench my jaw and glare at his chest in front of me.

"I try to help you, and it seems to be going somewhere, but then all it takes is one wrong word and you get defensive, shutdown, and send me back to Square 1."

I unclench my jaw a bit at his statement, feeling guilt creep into my veins.

"Obviously bad things are happening. Your nightmares got extremely worse and all it took was one encounter with Eric. He's getting into your head and you've been acting much more drawn back ever since last night."

My anger dissipates and I sigh. Not wanting to face him eye-to-eye quite yet, I roll over so my back is facing him.

"Tris," he whispers. His arms snake back around my waist and he rests his chin on my shoulder.

"Tris," he whispers again, this time his hot breath against my neck. Goosebumps rise on my skin at once and shivers are sent down my spine. I close my eyes and try not to focus on his breath, which is still blowing against my neck, but I find it nearly impossible.

His lips lightly brush my neck and I subconsciously tense.

_This is Tobias, Tris. Not Eric, not random strangers; Tobias._

He pulls me closer so my back is flat against his chest. He brushes his lips all along the side where his head is resting. Goosebumps raise again, and I can't be sure if they're from fear or anticipation. His lips put a bit more pressure on my neck.

"Tobias," I half-whisper, half-sigh. I'm beginning to feel scared, but then again, I don't want him to stop.

He must take my whisper as encouragement because his arms tighten around me and his lips attack more fiercely than before. My body acts of its own accord and tilts my head to give him more access.

I sigh again as he takes over, both fear and pleasure filling my veins. But as he continues, flashes of Eric doing the same thing appear in my mind.

_Pathetic._

I bite my lip and close my eyes, trying to not let Eric into my head again.

But I apparently didn't try hard enough.

"_There is nothing about you that anyone could possibly find attractive. You're completely and utterly hideous."_

_Eric on top of me. Eric cutting me with his knife._

"_You're used and dirty."_

_Eric throwing me across the room. Eric shoving me against the lockers. Eric telling me it's __**my **__fault my family is dead._

"_You look like a 12 year old, at most."_

"This is just Tobias," I whisper quietly to myself.

"_No one else will want you, you filthy girl."_

"_Stop trying, Beatrice. It's too late."_

_Eric pinning me against the brick wall. Telling me he'll talk to me soon. Telling me what a waste of space I am._

"It's just Tobias," I whisper again, a little louder this time.

"Tris?"

It's only when he speaks that I noticed he'd stopped. I open my eyes in panic and hold my breath.

"Yeah?" I squeak out. I mentally punch myself. Could I have sounded _any_ weaker?

"What do you mean, it's just me?"

I bite my lip. "I don't know what you're talking about," I say in the same tone as before.

He sighs. "This is _exactly_ what I'm talking about, Tris. Stop shutting me out," he says in a fierce tone.

I pause for a minute and sigh. "I'm not meaning to. It's just instinct."

"Tell me what happened," he says sternly. I debate about trying to evade this topic, but the way he said it made me realize that I'm not getting out of this. I try anyways.

"It's nothing, really."

I can almost hear him rolling his eyes. "Tris, it's something."

"No, it's not. It's stupid, really."

"Tris, tell me right now."

I wince at his tone. There is definitely no way I'm getting out of this. I gulp. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"What do you want to know?" I ask in a voice just above a whisper. I hear him sigh in relief. He stops and thinks for a moment.

"So, you'll answer anything I ask you?"

I bite my lip and furrow my eyebrows, thinking. Eventually I come to a conclusion.

"Yes. Except if it is extremely personal, okay?"

I see him nod behind me.

"So….first question?" I ask, hoping to get this over with fairly quickly.

"What all did Eric do to you yesterday?"

I bite my lip and look away from his eyes as I answer. "Not much. Mostly just made me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. I mean, he threw a couple of insults at me, but they weren't bad enough to make me cower. He mostly just pinned me so I couldn't move and hurt me. But that's about it."

"That's _about _it?" he questions.

I sigh. "He kept looking me up and down and it just reminded me...well...reminded me that he knew what I looked like," I say, hesitantly. I hear him sigh, but he doesn't push anymore.

"Anymore questions or was that it?"

"Why wouldn't you make eye contact with me last night?"

"I did," I stubbornly say.

"Barely. It was mostly only when I forced you to."

I pause again. "I just felt like you'd see inside them and know what happened. It felt wrong to be making eye contact with you after I had made eye contact with...him; like I was betraying you somehow."

"Tris, sometimes I wonder how you come up with the things you do," he quietly says and I can feel him shaking his head.

"Moving on. Next question?"

"What did you mean, it's just me?"

I chew on my lip. "It wasn't anything, really. Next question?"

"No, Tris. That's not an answer."

"Of course it's not," I mumble sarcastically to myself. "It was nothing, okay?"

"It was something."

I sigh, but don't really answer him in fear of accidentally telling him what I'm afraid of.

"Tris?" he prods on.

I sigh once again and feel myself tense up a bit. "It's kind of personal…" I weakly say.

"If you didn't flat out reject the question right away, you must trust me enough to at least give me part of the truth. You trust me, right?"

I nod without hesitating. He's right, of course. My mind didn't immediately scream '_No!'_ when he asked the question.

"Fine," I eventually say, in an emotionless tone. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. How do I start this? What do I say? What if he tells me he doesn't want to be with me anymore after he figures out that I'm afraid of intimacy? How do I make this sound like it's not a big deal so we can move on?

I hadn't even noticed my breathing pattern had started to pick up until Tobias says something.

"Breathe, Tris. Breathe. It's okay."

I close my eyes and force myself to breathe normally again. I take a deep breath in and out, then roll over so my face is just inches from his. If I'm going to start opening up, I at least need to do it facing him.

"I just...I just started remembering Eric...what he did, what he said...and I started to feel afraid, even though I knew I shouldn't. I kept trying to...I don't know...chase the memories away, somehow...and I kept telling myself it was just you...but…" I sigh.

It's silent for a minute and I begin to think that maybe he's angry with me. Then he speaks.

"Are you scared of me, Tris?"

I frown. "No. Why would I be?"

"Well, you said that you felt afraid when I was...you know."

I shake my head. "No! It's not you I'm afraid of." I widen my eyes at what I unknowingly just implied, but narrow them back down a moment later, praying he leaves it be.

_Please don't ask. Please don't ask. Plea-_

"Then what _are _you afraid of?"

I bite my lip, break eye contact, and wince. "I'm afraid of a lot of things. You're going to have to be more specific than that." If nothing else, at least I stalled.

"Tris, you know what I mean. Why did you feel scared earlier?"

_How long will I be able to stall until he finally weasels the truth out of me?_

I shrug and bite my lip. "I don't know. Probably just the memories of Eric."

"You're lying," he states matter-of-factly.

I snap my head up. "And how could you possibly know if I was lying or not, huh?"

He rolls his eyes. "First off, you're my girlfriend and I can tell if you're lying to me. Secondly, you were biting your lip when you said that. Christina said that's your tell."

"My tell?" I ask confusedly.

"Yes, your tell. How someone knows if you're lying or not. Some people rub their necks, some people's voices go up or down an octave, and some are harder to tell, like the twitch of an eye or finger."

"So what's _your _tell?" I ask, nonchalantly stalling still so I can maybe wiggle out of that question.

He gives me a hard stare. "I don't know. Ask Christina. She knows everyone's."

It's silent for a moment, and I can tell he's waiting for me to answer his earlier question.

"So how does Christina know everyone's tell?" I legitimately ask out of curiosity.

"She came from Candor. She was practically raised as a living, breathing, lie detector. She knows all of the signs that people make if they lie and keeps them to herself."

"Ah," I say, and hurriedly try to think of another question.

"So why did Chr-"

"Tris, I'm not stupid. You're stalling and I know it. Now answer the question, please."

I sigh and look away again. His hand comes to my cheek and tilts it back up, but I gently yank my face back out of his grip and look at his chest again.

"I'm afraid you won't want me anymore if I tell you," I quietly say, physically punching myself at my vulnerable tone.

He grabs the hand that punched my arm and takes it in between both of his. He gently pries my clenched fingers off from the inside of my palm. When that's done he skims his finger along the lines of my palm, somewhat calming me.

"I'm afraid of intimacy," I say as quickly and as quietly as humanly possible. His hands freeze in his ministrations for a moment.

"Say that again? I couldn't hear you."

I hold my breath and it takes a couple of tries, but I eventually say it again.

"I'm afraid of intimacy," I say just a bit louder, but just as quick. I can feel my cheeks starting to tinge pink.

"Tris, slowly. You don't need to be afraid of telling me. I'm not going to judge you. My opinion of you won't change, I promise."

I chew my lip. "Are you sure?" I whisper.

"I'm 100% positive."

"You won't leave me?"

"No, of course not."

I take another deep breath and flick my eyes up to his. My cheeks turn even more red and I look away again. "I'm afraid of...intimacy," I tell him, slowly saying the last word. It's silent for a while and I start to get nervous. Right when my nerves reach their peak, he chuckles.

"That's what you were so afraid of telling me?"

I look up, a little bewildered by his reaction. "So, you aren't going to leave me?"

"Why would I do that?"

I shrug and chew on the inside of my cheek. "Sometimes I can't help but wonder what's in this for you."

"What's in it for me," he repeats. He shakes his head moments afterwards. "You're an idiot, Tris."

"I am _not _an idiot," I snap. "Which is why I know that it's a little weird that, of all the girls you could have chosen, you chose me. I didn't want to tell you because...well...you're older, and I don't know what your expectations are, and…." I trail off.

"Tris," he says sternly, gently grabbing my chin and tilting my eyes back up to meet his gaze. "I don't know what delusion you're operating under, but this is all new to me too."

"Delusion?" I repeat. "You mean...you haven't…" I bite my lip and raise my eyebrows at him. "Oh. _Oh._ I just assumed...um, you know…"

He shakes his head. "Well you assumed wrong."

Was it just me or did his cheeks turn color?

"You can tell me anything, you know," he gently says. I release a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and nod. It's silent for a few moments and I decide it's time to move on from this embarrassing topic. Although, I do feel as if a weight has been lifted from my chest. Is that what it feels like to open up to someone?

"Next question?" I ask slowly and flick my eyes down again.

Suddenly I feel his lips placing butterfly kisses along my neck. Like earlier, I tense up, but this time it's because of surprise. My eyes flicker shut and I relax a moment later.

"I don't think this is a question," I whimper.

His lips stop. "Does this scare you, Tris?"

I don't answer at first. I'm honestly a little unsure of what I feel. I know I'm a little afraid, but I also know that he would never take advantage of me like Eric did.

"Do you want me to stop?"

I shake my head before I can think my decision through. I feel my cheeks burning and know they've turned a deep red.

"No. Don't stop that. It feels….it feels good." My cheeks burn even more and I put my hands against them, trying to cool them off. He tilts my chin up again and makes eye contact with me. My cheeks burn again, making any progress I'd made on them disappear. He gives a short, light-hearted laugh and kisses my forehead.

"It's so easy to make you blush, Tris."

"Shut up, I know," I mumble just loud enough for him to hear. He laughs a bit harder this time.

"And this is why you're my girlfriend."

His hands cover mine, which are still trying to cool my cheeks down, and brings my lips to his. I let myself melt into him and relax at his touch. He only kisses me for a minute or so, but I needed it, and somehow he could tell.

He takes my hands off my cheeks and puts them back down on the bed. He places one of his on my middle back and the other brushes hair out of my face.

"Only a couple more questions for now," he states quietly.

"Okay...shoot," I whisper.

"When do you plan to tell someone about these nightmares?"

I chew the inside of my cheek. I bite my lip a second later without thinking. "Soon," I lie.

"Tris. Lip."

I stop biting my lip right away and look away, blushing.

"Are you sure you didn't get an aptitude for Candor, Tris? Because you're a terrible liar."

I stay silent. He sighs and leads my face back to him.

"Tris, I was being serious."

"I know you were," I snap.

"You're going into defense mode again," he states matter-of-factly. And he's right; I am. I sigh.

"I'm sorry. It's just what I do when I'm scared or nervous or unsure of something. I try to protect myself by doing that. I've been doing it for so long it's just become habit….I'm sorry."

He brushes another piece of hair away from my face and tucks it behind my ear.

"You need to tell someone about these dreams, and soon."

I sigh and gently say, "I know. I just don't because I don't like the feeling of not being able to handle something on my own. I don't like being out of control. I don't want to openly admit I can't handle these dreams by myself."

"Tris, if you tell someone about them, you're more likely going to be able to get a good grip on the dreams and somewhat control them. But if you let them keep going on, with them getting worse and worse, you're just going to be more out of control as the days go on. You know that, right?"

I stare into his eyes for a few moments. I know he's probably right. I should tell someone about these dreams. But then I think about telling someone about last night's dream and feel queasy all over again.

"Yes, I know," I answer softly.

"I'm just worried, okay? Last night was bad...and I don't want to see you like that again if I can help it. It was scary, Tris. Seeing you laying on the floor, not moving, pale, and shaking? That scared the shit out of me."

I look down. I didn't mean to make him worried. I didn't mean for him to be scared for me. His fingers slide under my chin and bring it back up again.

"I know what you're thinking, so stop. It's not your fault that you're having dreams like this. And I'm guessing that because of yesterday's events, Eric was involved in one way or another in last night's dream."

I purse my lips and hesitate, but then nod, confirming his suspicions. We stare at each other for a few moments, then I decide that I want to stop answering questions. I close my eyes and place my face in the crook of his neck, taking deep breaths in of his scent.

"Can we be done with questions for now?" I ask quietly.

He turns his head just slightly and places his lips on the top of my head before turning it back to normal. I take that as a yes and nuzzle farther into his scent. His hands gently rub up and down my back, adding an extra calming effect. Eventually, my eyelids start to drift shut, and instead of fighting it, I do what Tobias would want me to do; I sleep.

**Hey guys, once again, sorry for the gap between updates! Something called life tends to get in the way...I'm on vacation right now so I was able to finish this up and edit so I could update for y'all! Can we shoot for 480 reviews, 272 favorites, and 328 follows? I bet we can make it! It's crazy to think that we're **_**almost**_ **at half a thousand reviews….I can't believe I've made it that far! Anyways, until next time, ADIOS AMIGOS!**


	32. Chapter 32

**Heyyyyyy! I'm back with **_**another**_ **chapter! I know, I know, I'm back so quick! Anyways…..LET CHAPTER 32…..BEGIN!**

**Disclaimer: I mean, I wouldn't **_**mind**_ **owning the Divergent series….but as much as I wouldn't mind, it doesn't belong to me. So, unless Veronica Roth wants to sell me all rights, I don't own Divergent or any of its characters.**

**Tris' POV**

When I wake up, Tobias is no longer beside me. I flick my eyes open and rub the sleep out of them. I push myself up into a sitting position and jump when I hear Tobias' voice.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty**,** how are you doing?" He's leaning up against the wall in front of me. The TV is on in the background on a music channel.

"I'm fine," I slowly say. "How long was I out?" I ask as I stretch.

"Oh, only for about 8 hours."

I freeze and stare wide eyed at him. "You're not serious."

He chuckles. "I'm as serious as serious gets."

I'm still staring at him, not quite believing him. I snap out of my trance and crawl to the edge of the bed. I grab my phone from the charger and turn the screen on. It's 3:02 according to my phone. Which, if the time is right, then I would have been sleeping for about 8 hours which means that Tobias is telling the truth. I stare at him again.

He laughs again. "What, didn't believe me?"

"No, not really," I sheepishly say.

He chuckles then comes and sits next to me, slipping an arm around my waist.

"How did I sleep for _8 hours_?" I ask, more to myself than Tobias. He answers anyways.

"You were tired."

I roll my eyes. "Okay, yes, but I didn't know I was _that _tired."

"Well, look at it this way; when was the last time you had a full night's sleep without waking up once?"

I think for a moment. "Okay...I see your point. Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Think about what I just said."

I bite my lip. "Okay, that was obvious, sorry."

It's quiet for a minute. "8 hours? Really?" I ask again. He chuckles and kisses my temple.

"Christina, Lynn, Uriah, and Zeke came to check on you today."

I frown. "When?"

"About an hour ago."

"Why?"

"Once again, just think."

"Okay, okay. I know why. What did they say?"

"Said to tell you they were sorry for telling me about Eric."

I purse my lips. "Anything else?"

"Tris, you're not mad at them are you?"

I sigh. "I don't know. Not really, I guess."

His arm tightens around me for a moment before loosening up again. He stands up and grabs something from on top of the TV stand.

"Christina also said to give you this."

He holds a small box. I raise my eyebrow at him. "What is it?"

He shrugs. "Hell if I know. I'm just the messenger."

I sigh and stand up to take the box. I open it and find a small bracelet inside. I take in a sharp breath, surprised that she would get me something this significant. The bracelet is made of braided black leather with 3 small silver circles worked into the braiding. Each circle contains a letter; put together they spell 'BFF'. A bit cheesy, but beautiful and unique all the same. I find a folded up piece of paper at the bottom of the box and take it out. I unfold and read it.

_I'm sorry….? I hope you aren't too mad. I know that gifts can only do so much to fix things, but I saw this and thought you might need a reminder of who your best friend is. I got two of them; I have the other one. Wear it if you forgive me, and if you don't, I'll know to give you some space. If you want we can talk later. I just wanted you to know that I only told Four because I was worried about you. I was just trying to help you. That's what best friends are for, right?_

_Love you,_

_Christina_

I smile and look back down at the bracelet.

_Of course I forgive you, Christina. How could I stay mad after this?_

I slip it on and find it fits my wrist perfectly.

"So what did it say?" Tobias asks. To be honest, I forgot he was here for a moment.

I hand him the note. "You can read it," I tell him. He takes me up on my offer. While he reads, I turn my wrist and admire the bracelet. A chuckle escapes me as I think about the note.

"What?" Tobias questions.

"The note. When Christina said she was just reminding me who my best friend was."

It takes him a moment but he chuckles as well. "Still a Candor at heart, isn't she?"

I nod and laugh again to myself. "Even when she's apologizing, she just says things as they come to her mind. Luckily she _is _my best friend and I know what she's like, so I'm not offended."

"So you forgive her?"

"Of course I do. I can't stay mad at my best friend for long. Especially when she does something like this."

"Good," he sighs. I frown.

"What? Why are you so relieved?"

"I didn't want to get in between you and them. I was afraid I did when I made them tell me what happened."

I stand up and press myself against his chest, wrapping my arms around his neck. It takes him a moment, but he eventually relaxes and wraps his arms around me, pressing me closer. The music is still on in the background. The song that was playing before ends and a slow paced song replaces it.

"May I have this dance?" He asks with a twinkle in his eyes.

"I suppose I could spare _one_ dance with you," I say with a smile. We start to move back and forth.

"Even if I was still mad, it wouldn't be your fault," I say after a few seconds of silence. "I'm a big girl. I can make my own decisions."

"I know you are, but I'm just glad that you're not mad. I'd feel guilty."

"Well, you don't have to. I'm not angry."

"Which I'm happy about."

"And why's that, huh? If I was mad you could have me all to yourself," I tease.

"Hmmm...in that case, maybe I should cook up a new plan," he, surprisingly, teases back.

"And what would that plan be, Mr. Eaton?" I carry on.

"I'm thinking something along the lines of making you enjoy being with me so much, you don't ever want to leave, Miss Prior," he goes on.

"Actually, with all do respect, you've already accomplished that. But sadly, these friends of ours keep pulling us back to them."

He chuckles. "Then I guess we have to take the time we have together and use it wisely."

"That we do, Mr. Eaton, that we do."

"And how would you suggest we spend this so-called time, Miss Prior?"

I smile lightly at him. "What we're doing right now seems like a good place to start," I say softly and lay my head on his chest.

I close my eyes and focus on his heartbeat. His chin sets on top of my head and he pulls me closer as we continue to move softly to the music. The song ends and we both fall still, but neither of us loosen our grip.

"I have another suggestion," he whispers to me.

"And what would that be?" I ask, pulling my head off his chest to meet his eyes. He stares at me for a few moments, takes one hand off my waist, and places it on the back of my neck. He brings my forehead to rest on his.

"This," he whispers. My eyes fall shut as his lips meet mine. It's a slow paced, gentle, kiss. It feels like the most unrushed, loving, soft, kiss we've had so far, and I find myself loving it more than any others we've had. For some reason, this kiss makes me feel as if we've been doing it for years on end instead of just a month. And it just feels…._right._

When he pulls back, he rests his forehead on mine again.

"I have something to tell you," he says.

I open my eyes and pull back a bit to look at him. His fingers deftly brush a piece of hair back behind my ear.

"I might be in love with you." He smiles a little. "I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you, though."

"That's sensible of you," I say, smiling too. "We should find some paper so you can make a list or a chart or something."

I feel the breaths of his laughter against my cheek, his nose sliding along my jaw, his lips pressing behind my ear.

"Maybe I'm already sure," he says, "and I just don't want to frighten you."

I laugh a little. "Then you should know better."

"Fine," he says. "Then I love you."

My smile grows bigger, but then my insecurities step into play and I frown a bit.

"Are you sure? I mean...we've only been together for a month," I ask gently.

"I'm sure, Tris. I think I've been sure for a while now."

With that statement, I push the rest of my insecurities away for now, and kiss him again, for much longer this time.

This time, I'm the one to pull back. "You said we were leaving at 5, right?"

He nods and presses his lips against my forehead.

"I need to get ready then," I say, with more disappointment dripping into my voice than I'd like to let on.

He smiles and plants one more kiss on my forehead.

"Promise you won't leave me alone tonight?" I ask, talking about the fair.

"I promise," he says, his blue eyes boring into mine.

His lips meet mine once more before stepping back. "Go get ready," he says, chuckling a bit.

I sigh. "Okay."

I walk over to the suitcase and grab another set of fair clothes and walk into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I strip and take the bracelet that Christina gave me off. I set it next to my necklace and jump into the shower. I make it short and hop out a few minutes later. I get dressed quickly, put my bracelet and necklace back on, and start to dry my hair. I'm about to dye it when there's a knock on the door.

"Hey Tris, there's someone here to see you." Tobias' voice leaks through the door.

"Who?"

"It's me." This time it's Christina's voice. I sigh and smile. I go over to the door and unlock it. I open it and see both of them standing there, Christina looking both anxious and nervous. Tobias smiles at me.

"I'll just be over here," he says and walks off to the other side of the room.

"Hey, Tris," she says, still unlike herself. I laugh at her sudden wariness and throw my arms around her. She sighs and I feel her relax as she wraps her arms around me too. I don't miss the way she purposely hugs my lower back, obviously thinking about my shoulders. I, honestly, forgot about them. But now that I'm reminded of them again, I realize I should probably check them later.

"So you're not mad?" she asks after letting go.

I smile. "I can't stay mad at you for long. I'd miss you too much. Besides, what would I do without my best friend?" I state and raise my wrist so she can see the bracelet. She hugs me again, tighter than before. I return the favor and when she lets go again, she has a mischievous smile on her face. She walks around the corner of the door and comes back with a large makeup bag in her hands. My eyes go wide and I shake my head.

"Absolutely not."

"Absolutely yes," she replies.

"Christina," I groan.

"Tris," she uses in the same tone. "It's happening."

I roll my eyes. "Fine. But on one condition."

"And what would that be?"

"Not too much."

"We'll see," she says.

"Christina," I say testingly.

"Fine," she says, complying. "But I get to decide what I put on."

She pushes past me and starts unloading supplies from her bag. I shut the door behind her and watch as she takes out various items and lays them down on the counter.

"Like I could have a say in that anyways," I mumble to myself.

There are some things she pulls outs that I have no idea what they are. She pulls out a curling iron and plugs that in while I wait.

"A curling iron? Really Chris?"

She just smiles and pulls out hairspray next.

"What are you gonna pull out next? A full-sized bed?" I ask jokingly.

"So, I have a question," she says, ignoring my sarcasm.

"Yeah?" I ask, sitting down on the chair in front of the mirror.

"Why is your hair blonde?"

I gasp. "Shoot!" I say to myself and hop up out of the chair. In doing so, I knocked the dye off the counter. Luckily, none of it spilled.

"Wait- Tris! Stop for a second!"

I look at her. "What?!"

"That's your natural hair color, isn't it?!"

"Yes," I mumble. "I was just about ready to dye it again but then you came."

"Why do you dye it?" she asks suspiciously.

"Personal reasons. Also because my blonde hair reminds me of someone I'm not anymore."

"But you look better with blonde hair! You shouldn't dye it! You're just hiding yourself!"

"I _need _to dye it though before you start curling it, or whatever you plan on doing," I tell her.

I suddenly see something in her eyes appear. I can't quite place what it is, though, so I have no idea what she's about to do.

"Fine, you can. But first can I use your bathroom? I don't want to have to stop in the middle of giving you your makeover," she says, with that same twinkle in her eye.

"Ummm...sure, I guess. I'll just be out...here…" I awkwardly say and walk out the door. Christina closes it behind me and I hear the click of the door locking as I walk to Tobias.

"Where's Christina?" he asks, turning his attention away from the TV as I crawl into the bed next to me. I sit to the side of him with my knees folded underneath me. He sits up as well and wraps his arms around me, very gently pulling me into his lap.

"She's using the bathroom before she starts my 'makeover'," I say, using my fingers as quotations.

"Ah, okay. Your hair is still blonde, by the way."

"Yeah, I noticed. And Christina did too," I mumble, angry with myself for being so careless.

"What'd she say?"

"Well, first she asked why I dye it, then told me I looked better with blonde hair and that I shouldn't dye it. I told her that I needed to before she did whatever she was gonna do with my hair."

"And then?" he asks, planting a kiss on top of my head.

"And then….she said fine, but after she uses the bathroom."

"Do you have the dye with you right now?"

I raise an eyebrow at his question. "No, it's in the bathroom still, but I don't see why that matters."

He starts laughing. Hard.

"What?" I ask, still confused.

"Sorry, Tris. But you may not like her for a little bit."

"I already forgave her for telling you about what happened with Eric?" I state more in a questioning matter, very confused as to why he's laughing so hard.

"You really don't know what she's doing?"

I pull back and frown at him. "What do you mean? She's going to the bathroom!"

He laughs even harder. "Oh, Tris. No she's not. I'm not even her best friend, and _I_ know what she's doing."

Suddenly, that twinkle she had in her eyes clicks and I hurry out of his lap and to the bathroom door. Tobias is still laughing behind me.

"Christina! Christina! Let me in! C'mon!" I say, frantically banging on the door. Tobias laughs even harder at my antics.

"Four, this isn't funny!" I yell at him. "Christina! Open up!"

"Babe, give it up! She's not going to let you in until she's done!" Tobias replies, still laughing at me. I know he's right, but I try one more time.

"Christina! Let me in, or so help me God I will murder your ass!"

Silence. Except for Tobias' laughing, there is no other voice or sound that I hear. I huff and go back over to the bed he's on. I plop myself against his side and cross my arms.

"Maybe I should rethink this whole forgiveness thing," I mumble. He starts to laugh again, and I feel the rumbling against my side.

"Stop laughing," I whine. "This isn't funny."

"It's actually hilarious, in my opinion."

I glare at him. "Now what am I going to do?"

He pecks my cheek, still laughing. "I always told you you looked good as a blonde."

"I'm serious!" I say exasperated.

"I know you are, but there's nothing you can do. Once Christina makes up her mind about something, it's as good as done."

I huff again. "She's a Candor, she's not supposed to lie."

"Technically, Miss Prior, she's Dauntless now, so she's allowed to lie."

"I know," I mumble.

He wraps his arm around my shoulder and I wince a bit. He must remember because a few moments later he moves his arm to my upper back, then pulls me farther into his side.

"Just relax, babe. It's gonna be fine," he chuckles and kisses my forehead. I sigh and let my muscles untense. I lay my head on his shoulder and intertwine our free fingers.

"Guess I'll have to wait until we get back to Chicago to buy any more," I say. He rubs his hand up and down my arm, comforting me a small bit.

"Don't," he says after a few moments of silence, surprising me a little.

"Don't what?"

"Buy any more."

I sigh. "What will everyone say though? I mean, I'll look completely different."

"You're the last person I'd think actually cared about other people's opinions," he says, giving me a look.

"Okay, yeah you're right. But I still want some more."

"Why?"

I think for a moment but can't find a reason why, so I shrug. All I know is I really don't want to go blonde again. Not with everybody noticing what changed.

"Nevermind, I know," he says quietly and squeezes my hand.

I frown, confused as to why he would know when even I don't. "But how would yo-"

"Okay, Tris! I'm ready now!" Christina yells, cutting me off.

I pull back from his side and stare into his eyes, trying to figure out what he knows about me that I don't. He only smiles at me and squeezes my hand.

"Tris! C'mon! It's already 3:45!"

I narrow my eyes and stare at him for another moment.

"Unless you want her to do something worse than what you made her agree to, which I know you did, I'd go now."

"Fine, but we are talki-"

"Tris!"

I sigh. "I'm coming, just a second!"

"Quit snogging your boyfriend and get over here!"

I feel my cheeks redden and Tobias chuckles. "We are not sno-" I start to yell back, but Tobias cuts me off with his lips.

"Not snogging, huh Prior?" Christina says from the bathroom. My cheeks turn an even darker shade of red and I pull back, glaring at Tobias. He chuckles and kisses my cheek.

"I figured we may as well make something she says true," he replies. "Plus, I love making you blush."

This, in return, makes me blush even further. He laughs again. I let go of his hand and get untangled from his grip on me. I put my hands on his side and push as hard as I can. I'm rewarded with the satisfying sound of his body falling off the bed and thumping on the floor. I laugh this time and rush off to the bathroom, closing and locking it behind me before Tobias can do anything. I turn around and see Christina's smirking face.

"Yeah, you _totally_ weren't just snogging," she sarcastically says, looking pointedly at my red cheeks.

"Shut up," I mumble and go over to the sink. I sigh when I see the last remnants of black, blue, and gray running down the drain. I look under the counter at the trash can and see the three tubes of dye in there.

"_Now,_ you're ready for a makeover," she says from behind me.

"Did you really have to dump it _all_?"

"Yes, otherwise you were just going to dye it anyways."

I sigh again. "Fine. Let's just get this over with."

**Ah man, again? Maybe I should invest in some pages that don't break so often!**

Finally, after half an hour of random brushes touching my face and tugging and pulling on my hair, Christina is done. My hair lies in loose curls, still blonde, and is pinned up with many, many bobby pins. Luckily, no hairspray was used, and at least my hair is out of my eyes. On the other hand, Christina kept her side of the agreement with little makeup. I have a light layer of blush, natural eyeshadow, mascara, and a thin line of eyeliner on my top eyelids. She also put, after an argument on the color, which I won, a clear gloss on my lips.

The thing that surprises me is that I actually don't look half bad.

I turn to Christina. "Thanks, Christina. I actually look…." I turn around and look in the mirror again for a split second, then turn back. "Decent."

She breaks out into a wide smile. "Hun, you've always looked beautiful but you're just too blind to see it. All I did was enhance your features. But, nevertheless, you're welcome."

She hugs me carefully, as to not ruin my hair or bother my shoulders, and I return the gesture.

"Thanks for forgiving me, Tris."

"I know why you did it now, and I would have done the same. Thanks for the bracelet, by the way. I love it," I say, trying to reassure her.

She lets go of me and squeals out of nowhere. I cover my ears and wince. I take my hands down a minute later.

"What was that for?!" I ask.

"You just look really pretty!" she half yells, half squeals. I wince again.

"Okay, okay, but can you keep it down? You know, we are only inches away from each other."

She laughs. "I can't believe you just asked me to be quieter," she laughs in a loud tone.

I roll my eyes. "I should've known," I mumble.

"Of course you should've known! I'm your best friend! You expected me to be _quieter_?!" she laughs/yells. "C'mon! Just for that, I'm going to show you off!"

I frown. "What do you me-" I start to ask but am cut off by Christina's violent yank on my wrist, forcing me to follow her. "Christina, what are you do-"

"FOUR!" she yells as she unlocks the door. I suddenly know what she's going to do and push my heels into the ground, trying to stop Christina's dragging.

"Christina, stop!" I yell in a hushed whisper. Her grip only tightens and she keeps dragging me out of the door.

"Hey, Four!" She laughs loudly. "Four!"

"What?" I hear his slightly annoyed, slightly curious tone ask.

"Tris here, wants me to show you how how hot she looks right now!"

I can feel my cheeks already turning red. "Christina, stop!" I say again. I hear Tobias' laugh.

"I'm sure she does," he says a bit sarcastically. I'm relieved that he knows me well enough to know I'd never use those choice of words, or want what Christina is doing right now.

We pop out around the corner, me still struggling to get out of her grip. Tobias doesn't seem to know we are actually in the room because his attention is on the TV. Or maybe he does, but just isn't looking right now to annoy Christina and make me feel a slight bit better about this. Whatever the case is, I'm glad he wasn't looking right away.

"Four, turn your attention from the TV for one minute and look at how Goddamn beautiful your girlfriend looks!" Christina nearly shrieks.

"I don't need to look to know, Chris," he says and my cheeks turn red.

"Awww, okay, you get points for that one. But you still need to look to appreciate this bundle of sexiness over here!" Christina gushes. At the word 'sexiness', I feel my cheeks turn even darker. By now I'm pretty sure Christina is just saying these things to make me blush _and _to get on my nerves.

I finally get my wrist out of her grip, but by the time I try to step back, Tobias has already turned his eyes on me. I see his eyes widen a bit and I blush darker and look down at the ground.

"Aw, let him look at you, Tris! Look up at Four, not the ground!" she insistently coaxes. When I keep my eyes trained down, she huffs. "You are so stubborn."

She walks behind me and I think she might actually be leaving, but then her hands come around the backside of my head and force my eyes to go up and meet Tobias'. His eyes are still a bit wider than usual and I blush even darker. Since I can't seem to get my head out of her grip, I do the next best thing; I close my eyes. I can feel his eyes boring into my head still, but at least I don't have to make eye contact in this embarrassing moment.

After a few more moments, I say, rather annoyed, to Christina, "Don't you have to go get ready too or something, Christina?"

Her hands slip off my face and I hear her gasp. "Oh my gosh! I completely forgot! I've gotta go!" I open my eyes, but make sure not to open them so I'm looking into Tobias'.

I turn around and see her rush into the bathroom, then rush back out with her bag in hand. "I'll see you later, Tris! You too, Four!"

And with that, she rushes out the door, closing it quickly behind her. I breathe a sigh of relief. Arms snake around my waist and I jump. Tobias chuckles behind me.

"You are way too easy to scare. I'll add that to the list of things easy to make you do," he teasingly says.

"And what all does that list entail?" I ask quietly, still blushing from Christina's antics.

"Too easy to make you blush, embarrassed, feel uncomfortable, argue, stubborn, defend yourself, and pissed off," he replies.

I frown at the length. "Wait, you didn't actually make a list, right?"

He laughs and his lips plant a kiss on the back of my neck, causing goosebumps to rise. "Of course not. I just have your little things memorized."

I smile, but don't reply, still too embarrassed by Christina to want to say anything more.

There's a few moments of silence, then, "So what made Christina do that?"

I groan. "She squealed really loudly, so I just told her we were a few inches away from each other and she didn't have to be that loud. Big mistake on my part. She said she was gonna 'show me off' because of that. I didn't actually know what she meant until she yelled your name."

He chuckles. "I was wondering. But she was right, you know."

I frown, confused. "Right about what?"

"How beautiful, hot, and _sexy_ my girlfriend is," he replies, putting emphasis on the word 'sexy', probably only to make me blush. (Which he accomplished, nonetheless.) He chuckles. "I see why Christina had so much fun with this."

"Oh shut up," I mumble. He turns me around to face him, and the next thing I know his lips are on mine. I kiss him back tentatively, cautiously. I know I'm not beautiful, or hot, and I am _definitely _not sexy. So why did he say that? Is that really what he sees? And if he does, how long will it last until he comes to the same conclusion as me and leaves for someone better?

Suddenly, I realize his lips aren't on mine anymore, and I've just been sitting here in thought for the past minute.

"What's wrong, Tris?" Tobias asks with concern in his tone. I snap back to reality, shake my head, and bite my lip.

"It's nothing," I lie.

"Lip," he says, almost angrily. I let go of my bottom lip.

"_I have to get better at that," _I think to myself.

"Stop shutting me out, Tris. Stop lying to me all the time. I can obviously see there's something wrong, so don't tell me it's nothing," he says in a very annoyed, angry tone. I grab one of my arms so I can grip onto something and hang my head, guilty. He sighs and his hands cup my face, bringing it back up to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry, okay? I know it's second nature to you, to block others out so you can keep your walls built up, but it'd be really nice if you could let them down for me."

I sigh and try to look away again, but his hands force my eyes to meet his again. There is a certain hint of determination in his eyes that I hadn't noticed before. I bite my lip and run it through my teeth repeatedly. Then I sigh again.

"Later, okay?" I say in a small voice that shouldn't belong to me. He frowns at me. "I promise," I add on in the same tone.

He narrows his eyes, studying me. But whatever he is looking for, he must find, because he takes his hands off my cheeks and steps back a few moments later.

"Okay, fine, but you _have_ to tell me, okay?"

I nod. He sighs. "I'm going to run downstairs and grab you something to eat since you haven't eaten anything all day. I'll be right back." I open my mouth, but am interrupted by him. "And yes, you have to eat all of what I bring you."

I groan. "I'm not even hungry, though."

"Well then I guess that's too bad." He smirks at me and walks out the door a minute later, grabbing the keycard right before he leaves. I sigh and go over to the bed, falling face first into it, groaning into the covers. After a few minutes of this, I go over to the edge of the bed and grab my phone. I scroll through my contacts and press call on one of them. It rings a few times before anyone picks up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Justin, it's Tris."

"Oh, hey Tris! What d'ya need?"

"I don't need anything, I was just wondering if you guys were able to come to the fair tonight."

"Yeah, actually, Taylor and I are, but Makayla can't come."

I frown. "Why not? What happened?"

"She got sick this morning and is running a pretty high fever."

"Oh no, that poor girl! She's always getting sick!"

"She doesn't actually care much about the not going to the fair part. She's been trying to convince me to let her go see you for most of the day."

A rush of guilt fills me as I remember the promise I made to her last night.

"Are you and Taylor driving to the fair?"

"Yeah, we were gonna meet up with you guys and stay for an hour or two before driving back. I was actually just about to call you."

"What would you say if I went back with you guys when you leave, just for a little bit to see Makayla, and then walk back?"

It's silent for a moment, then I hear Justin laughing.

"What?" I ask, questioning his laughter.

"You and your promises." He laughs for a moment longer. "Well, I would say that Makayla would absolutely love that."

I smile. "Great, then it's settled. I leave with you and Taylor, see Makayla, then walk back."

"I can drive you back, it's not a big deal," he insists.

I roll my eyes. "You can stop being a gentleman. I actually think on my way back I might stop and visit some people I should have visited a long time ago."

"Ah, I see. Well, then, take your boyfriend with you."

"I'll be fine on my own," I say a bit irritated.

"I'm not saying you wouldn't be. I'm just saying that I know you'd be much better off with someone to ground you."

"Whatever. I'll think about it. But I _am _leaving with you guys to see Makayla," I say annoyed. What is it? Is today national Get on Tris' Nerves day?

"Woah there, I never said no. No need to get all feisty with me."

"I'll think about it," is all I say.

"Please take him. It'll make me feel better."

I stay silent for a few moments. This is the reason why Tori suggested I bring friends along, wasn't it? To ground me? And she was also the one who said I should take Tobias with me when I visit my family, and I liked the idea, so why am I being so stubborn?

I finally sigh. "Fine. I'll bring him."

He sighs in relief on the other end of the line. "Thank you, Tris."

"Uh huh. I've gotta go now, okay?"

"Okay, I'll see you later then?"

"I'll see you later. Bye Justin."

"Bye Tris."

I hang up and toss my phone on the couch to my left. I sigh and fall back on the bed again, thinking about tonight. What will I say to my family? What all will I tell them? I should probably tell them about the move to Chicago. I can tell them about the new friends I've made and about Tobias. And then maybe tell them about Andrea, and how I'm making contact with Justin and Taylor again. Should I even tell them about Andrea? I mean, if there really is an afterlife, then they probably already know.

_Oh, Tris, who are you kidding? They're dead, idiot. __**D-e-a-d. Dead. **__They won't be able to hear a single thing you're saying. Why are you so nervous about it? They can't say anything back, you dumbass. You might as well not even visit them. You are going to be talking to a couple of stones; not people. _

"I know, shut up," I groan, covering my face with my hands.

"Who ya talking to there, babe?"

I quickly sit up and take my hands off my face. Tobias stands there with an eyebrow raised, looking at me a bit suspiciously.

"No one," I say a bit too quickly. His eyebrow raises even more and I sigh. "Nevermind. Don't worry about it."

He still looks suspicious but drops it. "Here, catch."

He throws something to me and I catch it, realizing it's an apple, and I look at him.

"You're lucky it's mid afternoon. They only have snacks out right now," he says, answering my questioning glance. I smirk at him. "Yeah, yeah, but you will eat later," he says coming over to sit by me. "Soooo...what was goin' on when I walked in here?"

I groan. "I thought you were going to drop that."

"Not a chance. So?"

I roll my eyes, take a bite of my apple, and swallow before answering. "I'm going to sound crazy."

"You already do sound crazy, you don't need to worry about that," he says jokingly. I reach my hand up and hit him on the back of his head. He winces and rubs his hand over the spot I hit him. "Sorry, sorry. Go on."

I take another bite. "The voice inside my head."

It's silent for a moment.

"My girlfriend finally went crazy. She finally lost her marbles."

I reach my hand up to hit him again but he wraps his arms around me at last minute, stopping me, and chuckles. "I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding." I smile, roll my eyes, and rest my head on his shoulder.

"Hey Tobias?" I ask after a few moments of silence.

"Hmmm?"

"I need to ask you about something."

He hums again.

"Umm...well, tonight, Justin and Taylor are both coming to the fair, but Makayla can't."

"Okay?" he says confused.

"I'm not done yet," I chuckle. "I promised Makayla last night I'd see her soon, but if I don't see her tonight then I won't be able to keep my promise. So I called Justin and we made a deal. I'll leave with him and Taylor, go to their house and see Makayla, then walk back when I'm ready to go meet up with the gang again."

"You're going alone?" He sounds concerned.

"That's what I wanted to ask you about...on the way back to meet up with the gang I thought I would stop by and visit my family…" I trail off.

He chuckles and kisses the top of my head. "You already asked me this before we left for Haviland, Tris. I said yes."

"Well, I figured I'd better ask again just in case you changed your mind, or something," I try to defend myself.

"I didn't change my mind," he says. "So, Justin and Taylor will meet up with us, then we leave with them to go fulfill your promise, and on the way back to meet up with everyone, we stop at the cemetery."

I nod. "Yeah, if that's alright with you."

"I just said I would come with you, Tris. You don't need to keep asking," he chuckles.

"Okay, well, just making sure," I stumble.

"Why can't Makayla go?" he asks after a few more moments of silence.

"She's sick. I feel bad for the poor girl; she is always getting sick."

He nods, then let's go of me. "Well, I'm going to go take a shower real quick, then when I'm out we can leave," he says, kissing me on the forehead and going into the bathroom. I smile and start to eat my apple again.

**THE PAGE BROKE AGAIN**

The car ride here flew by, and we are currently walking around the fairgrounds, doing random activities. We found Justin and Taylor waiting for us. I had already told everyone they would be joining us tonight, and they all seemed enthused that they would have new people to hang out with.

I got more than just a few questioning looks from a everybody, _including_ Justin and Taylor. I know they are all wondering about my sudden change of hair color, but they haven't exactly had the chance to say anything about it yet. If one of them looks like they're getting close to pointing it out, all it takes is one look from Christina and they shut up. I'm grateful for that, but at the same time, she's the reason I'm getting the looks in the first place. Eventually, everybody must decide that they aren't going to get anything out of me, especially with Christina there, and they stop giving me those looks.

Tobias has had a strong grip on my hand all night, something I'm grateful for. He's keeping his promise of not leaving me alone, which has helped calm my nerves. Honestly, with the thoughts of what I'm going to do later tonight and what happened last night here, the night has been a bit of a blur. I'm brought back to reality when I hear squealing coming from the girls.

"It's Ferris Wheel time!" yells Christina and drags Will towards the line. The other couples follow in suit, along with Justin and Taylor. I smile. The Ferris Wheel has been the only thing I've looked forward to. The height exhilarates me, plus, I love the view.

As we wait in the line, I can feel Tobias getting a bit tense. Confused, I look up at him. He definitely seems off.

"Hey, you okay?" I quietly ask him. He gives me a smile that looks more like grimace, but nods. I frown and shrug it off. Maybe it's just my brain playing tricks on me.

The group of people on the last ride finally get off, and we get our seats. Tobias and I both sit down on opposite sides and I get as close as I can to the edge to watch as we go higher. I smile blissfully as I feel the breeze blowing past me.

"God Tris, doesn't that scare you?" Tobias' voice breaks through my bliss. I turn to look at him and see he's a bit paler than normal. His fists are clenched and he looks like a deer caught in the headlights, and then it suddenly clicks. His tense posture, his grimace, his quietness; it all makes sense now.

"You're afraid of heights," I say, eyes wide, matter-of-factly. He grimaces again. Guilt fills my veins. How did I not figure this out before?

"Oh my God, Tobias! Why didn't you tell me?! We didn't have to do this!"

"You looked excited to go. I didn't want to spoil your mood."

I look at him, exasperated, and back away from the edge, hopefully calming his nerves a bit. "You still should've told me! You didn't have to go, you know!" He shrugs. I run my fingers through my hair, feeling guiltier by the minute. "No wonder you were all tense and quiet! Next you're gonna tell me that you're, like, I don't know, claustrophobic, or something!" I say exasperatingly.

It's silent for a few moments. "Well…." I hear Tobias say as I'm desperately trying to find a way to make this better. My head snaps up at him. "Are you serious?!" He smiles sheepishly at me. "God, Tobias! You're a prick, you know that!?"

After a few more moments of my panicking, I let out a long breath and go sit next to him. He stares at his fiddling hands, and I'm not sure if he even knows I'm next to him or not. He probably does; he seems like someone who would be _very_ aware of his surroundings.

"Hey, look at me," I say and take his face in my hands. "Just me. Nothing else." I gently turn his face to look at me, and his deep ocean blue eyes meet mine. I bite my lip as I see the scared look in his eyes and feel more guilt creeping into me. "Hey, it'll be alright, okay? I'm here. Just focus on me, and everything will be alright." The intense staring and closeness causes my heart to pick up the pace a bit.

His breathing pattern is very erratic, and I can tell he's still scared. After I'm sure he won't be looking anywhere else but at me, I take my hands off the sides of his face. Still staring into his eyes, I grab one of his shaking hands and place it right over where my heart would be. I blush, trying not to think about how close his hand is to another, more intimate part, and force myself to continue on.

"Feel my heartbeat. Can you feel it?"

"Yes."

"Feel how steady it is?"

"It's fast."

"Yes, well, that has nothing to do with claustrophobia." I wince as soon as I'm done speaking. I just admitted to something. Hopefully he doesn't realize that. "Every time you feel me breathe, you breathe. Focus on that."

"Okay."

I breathe deeply, and his chest rises and falls with mine. After a few seconds of this, I say calmly, "Why don't you tell me where this fear comes from. Maybe talking about it will help you… somehow." I don't know how, but it sounds right.

"Um… okay." He breathes with me again. "This one is from my fantastic childhood. Childhood punishments. A tiny closet upstairs."

I press my lips together. I remember being punished—sent to my room without dinner, deprived of this or that, firm scoldings. I was never shut in a closet. The cruelty smarts; my chest aches for him. My blood boils at the thought of what else Marcus could have done to him other than shut him in a closet and beat him with his belt.

I don't know what to say, so I try to keep it casual. "My mother kept our coats in our closet."

"I don't…" He gasps. "I don't really want to talk about it anymore."

My heart clenches with my guilt. I've never heard or seen him like this before. His arms suddenly wrap around me and he buries his face in my neck, his hand still over my chest.

"Okay," I say eventually. "Then… I can talk. Ask me something."

"Okay." He laughs shakily in my ear. "Why is your heart racing, Tris?"

"Well," I stammer. "I- ummm…" I rack my brain for an excuse. There's no way I'm telling him that my heart is racing from the intense stare we had; that it's racing because he's letting me into the most vulnerable parts of himself. That it's racing because I've never been this close to someone, emotionally or physically. That it's racing because he scares me; the intenseness I feel with him scares me.

"Are you scared of me, Tris?" he whispers in my ear. Goosebumps raise across my skin.

"I already t-told you I'm n-not," I weakly stammer. I mentally slap myself. Why am I stammering over my words all of a sudden? I clench my jaw and tell myself to get a grip.

I feel him smile into my neck and I'm relieved to find that he seems to be doing a bit better than before. My heart beat starts to slow down.

"So, any other random fears that would be revealed while on a Ferris Wheel you wanna sh-share with me?" I shakily ask, still shocked that I was so intensely affected by him. I hear him chuckle. "Like, oh, I d-don't know..are you deathly afraid of metal seats or s-something?" I slowly continue, still stumbling a bit. He fully laughs this time, and pulls back. He meets my eyes again and I can feel my heart rate going back up. I would try to do something about it, as his hand is still on my chest, feeling my heartbeat, but I can't look away.

"Are you sure you're not scared of me, Tris?" he asks again in a low, husky tone that cuts right through me, all the way to my core.

"Y-yes," I stammer. His eyes grow a bit darker blue, and I find myself entranced by the change.

Right when my heart feels like it's about to race right out of my chest, our car stops and opens. I was so caught up in his intense stare that I didn't realize that people had started getting off. I clear my throat and look away from Tobias quickly, stepping out of the car. I can feel my face burning as I hurriedly walk to the exit.

What had happened back there? What happened to me? Why did my body seem to push adrenaline throughout the entirety of my veins? Why was I frozen to the spot, not able to look away until the ride ended? I'm not scared of Tobias, but why did my body react to him as if I was? Why was my heart racing, and why did my tongue suddenly start to stumble over my words?

There's so many questions I ask myself, but I can't answer even one of them.

"You alright there, Tris?" Christina asks me, breaking me from my thoughts. I hadn't even realized I'd made my way over to the gang already. I do a quick glance and realize that Tobias and I were the last ones to get off.

"Y-yeah. I'm f-fine," I say, still stammering. I have to fight really hard against the urge to actually slap myself. I'm _still _stuttering, and I'm not even with Tobias right now.

Christina gives me a once over, then smirks at me. She looks at me knowingly, and I see a certain twinkle in her eye as she turns back around. I frown, confused. Does she know why this is happening to me?

It's like another body took place of mine and is controlling me now, because this is _not _me. I don't _stutter_ when I'm in close proximity of a guy, let alone my boyfriend, _Tobias, _my heart doesn't _race_ whenever I look somebody in the eye, and I don't _freeze _when somebody stares at me. The emotions I felt were foreign to me; I cannot name a single one that I felt in my attempt to help calm Tobias down.

_What happened to me?_

I shake my head of my thoughts, compartmentalizing them for later. I almost jump completely out of my skin when I feel his hand slip into mine. I quickly look up at him and see his smirking face. I blush darker and look away before I can risk being frozen to the spot again.

I must have spaced off because I'm startled when I feel Tobias lightly shove me. I look up at him, confused, then he jerks his head to his right. I follow the movement with my eyes and see Justin and Taylor walking away. I nod in understanding and turn to the gang.

I clear my throat. They look at me. "Hey, I've gotta go take care of some stuff before we leave," I tell them.

Christina responds first. "Like what?"

"I left some things unfinished before I moved to Chicago...I need to go wrap them up," I say, giving no hints at all.

Christina raises her eyebrow and stares at me. She must find what she's looking for, because she drops the stare. "Okay, I'll text you when we're about to leave then?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice," I say. Everyone yells out some sort of goodbye or good luck, and I turn around and start to walk towards the exit, Tobias still in tow.

"Where are you going, Four?!" I hear Zeke yell from behind us.

Tobias turns his head around to look at them. "To make sure she doesn't do anything stupid!"

I hear laughter from the gang. I drop his hand and elbow him in his side. "You couldn't have said anything else?"

"Nothing that Christina wouldn't have suspected. And here's a tip: if you ever find yourself in a fight, use your elbows and knees to your advantage. God, your jabs hurt," he states matter-of-factly. It's only then that I notice he's rubbing his side with a grimace on his face.

"Sorry," I sheepishly say and smile at him. He stops grimacing and chuckles instead. He wraps his arm as close to my shoulders as he can get without touching the bruises. I wrap the arm that is stuck between us around his waist and suddenly understand why couples do this. It seems like there's an invisible barrier around us that no one can go through when we're like this. We're more like one person rather than two because of our closeness. I smile at that insinuation and lay my head on him as we walk.

We eventually make it back to the entrance and see Justin and Taylor waiting patiently for us. Taylor flicks her eyes between Tobias and I and smiles. Justin lets a smile slip too and says, "C'mon, follow us to the truck."

Tobias and I untangle from each other and take the backseats. Justin gets in the driver's seat and Taylor gets shotgun.

"If only Caleb and Hailey were here to see this! I _finally _got shotgun with Beatrice in the car!" she exclaims. And it's true; I _always _won shotgun-seat-rights.

Justin and I laugh. "Well _I'm _here as a witness, in case anybody ever asks."

"Why? How'd you decide who got shotgun?" Tobias asks. I sigh in quiet relief at his comfortable demeanor. So he and Justin really do get along. And he must trust my opinion about Taylor. That's another reason to be relieved.

"We did a lot of different things to determine that. Sometimes it'd be races, a few times it'd be whoever called dibs first, and other times it'd be who won which game," Taylor replies.

"And Caleb and I would _always _be stuck refereeing. Although, after a while we probably didn't have to; we knew who would win," Justin adds on as he starts to drive away.

"I see," Tobias says and gives me a small nudge, smiling at me. I'm biting my lip trying not to let my smile get bigger at those memories.

"So, let's play a game," Justin says as we get to the edge of the fairgrounds.

"Which one?" I find myself asking. Tobias nudges me again. I've figured that his nudging means '_Where's this side of you at home?'._

"A new one. It's called 'Let's see if Beatrice still remembers how to get to our house'."

I laugh as an idea pops into my head. "What time is it?" I ask, trying to see if we'd have enough time for what I have in mind.

"It's 7:15," Taylor replies.

"So you'll go wherever I tell you to go, and turn wherever I tell you to turn?" I ask Justin.

"Yes m'aam I will," he replies.

"Okay, then turn right," I reply, knowing exactly what I'm going to do. I mean, of course I know how to get to their house still. After years and years of driving there after the fair, it kind of sticks in your mind.

"Off to a great start," Taylor says sarcastically, obviously thinking I forgot. Everyone in the car but me laughs. I smirk.

"Okay, now which way?" Justin says at the next stop sign.

"Keep going straight for two blocks, then turn left," I say.

"Will do," he complies, trying not to laugh.

Tobias looks over at me and raises an eyebrow. His eyes ask something along the lines of '_What are you doing?'_.

"Now what?" Justin asks once he's done that.

"Straight for 1 block, turn right."

He starts doing so, and I see Taylor in deep thought. Suddenly she nearly jumps from her seat and exclaims, "OH!"

I start to laugh and she joins in a moment later. The guys exchange a quick glance through the mirror.

"Now?" Justin asks confused, now knowing that I'm up to something.

"Go straight for 6 blocks, then turn left. After that there will be a nice little...turn in. Park there," I say, Taylor laughing at me trying not to reveal where I'm leading everyone.

We go straight for 4 or 5 blocks, then I see it dawn on Justin's face. "Oh my gosh, now I know. I'm in college, Beatrice, aren't I too old for this?"

"Says the guy who called himself a child the other day," I reply.

"Fine, fine."

"Also…" I start to say. Taylor looks behind at me and we nod at each other. "How can you be too old for ice cream?!" we exclaim at the same time.

"Ohhhhh…." Tobias drawls out slowly. "So _that's _where you were leading him. I was wondering."

I giggle. Yes, _giggle_. I'm guessing my Beatrice side is showing way more since I'm with Justin and Taylor.

We pull in front of the little ice cream place. I grab my purse and get out the door with everyone. We head into the store. We're the only ones in here.

"Justin! Taylor! So nice to see you again!" She rushes over and hugs them. For an older woman, she sure can move fast. "Who do you have with you?"

Sadie Ballard is a widowed old woman. She used to live on the streets until my mother helped her start this business. I've come in here at least a hundred times because of that. Taylor and I actually used to help her out in here every once in a while.

She gasps. "Do you have Prior with you? Beatrice, dear, is that you?"

I step out from behind Taylor. "Hey Sadie," I sheepishly say. She rushes over and engulfs me in a hug.

"It really is you! I haven't seen you since...well, you know when...but that's not the point! How are you? How is Tori?"

She lets go of me and I smile at her. "We're good, thanks for asking. What about you? How have you been holding up?"

"Oh, I've been just fine dear! Just as polite as when you left, I see!" she compliments. I blush. "So I take it that this handsome fellow belongs to you?" she asks me, looking at Tobias. I see Tobias' cheeks tinge pink and I giggle to myself at his reaction. And he always laughs at _me _not being able to accept compliments without blushing.

"Yes, he does. Sadie, this is my boyfriend, Four. Four, this was one of my mother's friends, Sadie Ballard."

Tobias extends his hand and Sadie shakes it. "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Ballard," he says, his Abnegation showing.

Sadie lets go of his hand and gives him a hug instead. Tobias looks a little shocked and flustered, obviously not expecting that. The three of us watching exchange looks and hold back our laughter. Tobias gives Sadie a little squeeze, but it's nothing like how he hugs me. I smile at the thought. Sadie backs up a moment later.

"And he's polite, too!" she exclaims, obviously happily surprised. Finally we can't hold back any longer and laugh. Tobias stands there, his face an obvious red now.

"Okay, well, I assume you aren't here just for a visit, so the usual for you guys?" We all nod. "And for you, dear, what would you like?" she asks Tobias.

"I'll just take whatever, uh, Beatrice got," he says, obviously feeling weird calling me by my full name. I don't blame him; it does sound very odd coming from his mouth, but I'm glad he did or Sadie would just ask more questions.

"Ah, trusting that your girlfriend has good taste, eh?" she asks. Then seeing the look on Tobias' face she adds, "Don't worry. She does. Her's is my personal favorite as well."

She goes behind the counter, but before she starts to make the different ice creams, I say, "Hey Sadie, could you make a mini strawberry with sprinkles as well?"

"Sure can!" she happily says before turning back to her work. She's done within a couple of minutes and sets them all on the counter one by one, I step forward and slide a 20 dollar bill towards her but she shakes her head and slides it back to me.

"No, no! That won't be needed! You kids go enjoy your ice cream!"

"Sadie, I can't let you do that! Take the money!"

She shakes her head again, grabs the bill, leans over the counter, and stuffs it back into a pocket in my purse.

"Sadie! I have to pay!"

"No you don't," she replies gently.

"But then I will feel like I'm stealing," I try again, already knowing I'm not going to win this fight.

"Then consider it a 'Welcome Home' gift from me," she says with a smile. I sigh, take the ice cream, and hand everybody their's.

"Thank you, Sadie," I say and smile.

"It's really not a problem, dear."

"Are you sure you don't want anything in return?"

"Actually, I'd like a word, if that's okay with you."

I frown. "Yes, of course that's okay."

She looks at the others behind me, and without a word they disappear through the front door and climb into the truck.

"What do you need to tell me?" I softly ask her.

"How are you _really _doing?"

I sigh. Of course she can see right through me. "I'm getting better."

She smiles and pats my shoulder. "I know you know this, but they were all very good people, and they didn't deserve that. _You_ didn't deserve that. You were just a girl."

I sadly smile at her. "I know, Sadie."

"When you left, you were still just a young girl. Two years later, and on the outside you are still a young girl, but on the inside you are much more matured and seem like a 30 year old instead of a 17 year old. I know you had to grow up fast, but please, let yourself enjoy the good times. Don't hold the weight of your life, or your family's lives, on your shoulders. Live in the moment. Don't keep reflecting on the past. It's time to move on. Live your life _alive_. Don't go numb again." She pauses then adds softly, "It's what they would have wanted."

Tears brim my eyes, and I nod. She hurries out from behind the counter and engulfs me in a hug. She struck a chord with me; a big one. Many people have told me to be happy, stay my old self, help other people like my parents did, and work harder than I ever have. It's what _they _would have wanted. But when they tell me that, they're telling me to change myself. To become more like my parents, to be more like Caleb, to go back to my old self. I never listened to them, obviously, because I know that's not what they would want. Granted, I had no idea what they wanted, but now that Sadie has talked to me about it, I know she's right. _That _is what they would have wanted for me to do.

Sadie pulls back and hands me a small handkerchief from inside her apron. She wipes my cheeks with it, then hands it to me.

"This was your mother's. She gave it to me years ago, but I want you to have it. You should have it now that she's gone. It'll be something to remember her by other than old clothes and pictures. You need the reminder more than I do. Let this be a symbol of how selfless she was."

I clench it in my fist. This will signify her selflessness, yes, but for me it will also signify the kind, old lady at the ice cream shop who helped me figure my head out.

"Thank you Sadie," I say, dabbing at my cheeks again with the dainty cloth.

"It's my pleasure, Beatrice. Also, your boyfriend seems like a very good guy. May I ask when his family passed?"

I stare at her, shocked. "Umm, only his mother did, Sadie…"

"Ah, I see. So his father abused him, did he? May I ask when he stopped saying he had a family?"

I stare, jaw dropped. "But-but…."

Sadie has only talked to Four for a couple of minutes, and seen him for maybe 10, yet she already knew secrets that took him years to open up to somebody about.

"How did you know, Sadie?" I ask bewildered.

"When you're an old woman like me, you can figure out those kind of things. The way he presented himself is one way I could tell. His posture was too rigid and uptight for his age. I'm guessing he's around the same age as you, dear?" I nod slowly. "When he was embarrassed at the little attention he received I knew that he was not used to it, which would mean that he was not paid attention to. When he shook my hand, it was very automatic and didn't tell me much about him other than you could tell that's how he was taught to do it. That was a grown up man'a handshake, not a teenager's."

"But I still don't understand how you knew that one of his parent's died and his father abused him," I say, still confused.

"When I hugged him, he went very stiff. Then he hurriedly relaxed himself and hugged me as well. That told me two things: the first was that he had not received a motherly hug in a long time, which led to my conclusion of his mother and father passing. The second thing it told me was that he seemed too worried that he would be punished or criticized for not returning the hug right away. So when you told me it was only his mother that passed, it made sense that the last remaining parental figure would have abused him."

I stare at her for a while longer. "I still don't understand how you did that," I say. I get _how _she came to the conclusions she did now that she explained herself, but I still don't understand how she knew right from the start.

She chuckles and says, "When you're old like me, you'll understand."

I hear a honk from outside. I turn and see Justin tapping his wrist. We're running low on time.

I turn back around and hug Sadie one more time.

"I like this boy much better than the last one, Beatrice," she says. Am I the only one who didn't see that Eric was no good? "You better keep him around."

"I plan on it."

"How did he get the nickname Four?"

"I actually….don't know." I frown.

"Well, he loves you."

I pull back, smile, and shake my head in disbelief. "I can't wait until I'm old so I can understand how you did all of that."

Her eyes twinkle. "You guys are very good together. But just remember that all couples fight. If you didn't love each other then you wouldn't."

I widen my eyes. "Sadie, I don't know if I love him or not. But...I will remember that. Thank you."

"I see. You love him with your heart dear, but your head has not come around yet. You love him, but you're not _in love_ with him yet. Just wait."

I smile. "Thank you, Sadie. Also..." I pause. "...his mother died when he was 7."

She sadly smiles. "You're perfect for each other. Now go dear! They're waiting!"

I kiss her on the cheek, then turn and start to walk quickly to the door. I start to push the door open, then turn around, letting it shut behind me.

"Don't tell him I told you this...but his name is Tobias," I gently say. I feel like she should know for some strange reason.

She smiles. "Tobias...that's a wonderful name."

"Thank you Sadie, again. You have no idea how much you helped me tonight. You said words that no one has said to me before, and….I think I can figure myself out now."

"I _know _you can."

I smile and walk out the doors. That may be the last time I ever see or speak to Sadie Ballard, but that was one _hell_ of a last conversation.

**WOWEE! I KNOW RIGHT?! I'M DONE, ALREADY?! I'M EXCITED TOO! **

**I was extremely motivated to write this one, and started as soon as last chapter was posted! I got it done crazy fast! Next chapter will be her and Tobias visiting the cemetery, and who knows what else will happen? (**_**I **_**don't even know...to be honest, words usually come to me **_**as **_**I write, not **_**before **_**I write.)**

**Their visit to Haviland is almost over, but either this chapter or next chapter, things start to get a little hectic! CAN YOU WAIT?! I CAN'T WAIT TO WRITE IT! **

**Anyways….Can we shoot for 490 reviews, 278 favorites, and 335 follows? I BELIEVE IN YOU! WE CAN DO THIS! **


	33. SNEAK PEEK: CHAPTER 33

**So I know that this is completely unlike me to do this kind of stuff, but here we go! Since I feel bad about not updating quite as often this summer as I should have, here is a sneak peek of the next chapter! Yes, it's a fairly short sneak peek, I know, but then again, it's just a peek!;) I should have this chapter up by next week, but instead of making you guys wait, I felt obligated to let you guys know that I haven't given up on this story, and that I'm still here and writing! But before I keep boring you with this AN (if you're even reading it, that is), let's get to the sneak peek, shall we!?**

**Oh! One more thing you should know before you go on! Remember when you guys voted ages and ages and ****_ages_**** ago for what you wanted to see in LTLTI? Do you remember how you guys voted for that good old plot twist that I've been saying would be coming up soon, since, like, Chapter 20? Well, despite the awful guesstimating on timing, here is that plot twist now!...What's that? Is some of the plot twist in this sneak peek, you ask? Well...yes! You guessed it!...sort of. But it's also my job to keep you guys guessing and on the edge of your seats, soooo...I'm leaving you on a cliffhanger after this special, once in a lifetime, sneak peek! My only piece of advice to you before you read on, is to READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! **

**Mwah ha ha...I'm so evil, aren't I? *gets evil glint in eyes, smiles, and disappears in a cloud of smoke***

**CHAPTER 33:**

**SNEAK PEEK**

**Tris' POV**

I take a deep breath in and out, assessing the situation. Whilst I know that Justin wouldn't lie about something like this, he himself says he hasn't read whatever this...this...this _thing_ is. Why on earth would he insist on me coming to the park, in the middle of the night, to read something that is apparently so important it _can't_ wait, when he doesn't even know what it is?

"Please promise me you'll be there, Bea."

I look up into his frantic eyes. "Name one good reason I should," I boldly demand.

He raises his hands and clasps them around the back of his neck, letting out a deep breath while staring up at the ceiling, probably collecting his thoughts. He eventually lowers both his hands and gazes down back at me. His eyes meet mine.

"A letter. To you."

"A letter? To me? If it's for me, why didn't they just send it to me? Why you?"

"Well, I-uh…" He trails off for a moment. "I have reason to believe that whoever sent it doesn't know where you live."

"But why would they send it here?"

"It was inside a larger envelope. It said my name and address. But when I opened it I found another envelope inside. And it said your name on the front. I think they were hoping that I would see you and give it to you at some point in time."

I frown. "But why you? Most people who know me would give it to Taylor to give to me."

"At first I didn't understand either, but I think I do now."

"Okay, so allow me to cut to the chase. Who was the letter from?"

He opens and closes his mouth several times.

"If I know who it's from, it might help this process go by much faster," I say impatiently.

He looks extremely nervous. He opens his mouth a few more times before closing it up again. He finally manages to get something out.

"I just received it this morning, I swear. If I knew, I would've told you a lot sooner. I don't know how long ago it was written, but it's hard to tell from just the writing of your nam-"

"Stop beating around the bush, Justin! Who was it from?!" I say, raising my voice slightly.

He looks up at the ceiling, off to the side, down at the floor, behind me; pretty much everywhere but my eyes, before he answers. I prepare myself for the worst. Was it from Eric? Hailey?

It turns out that neither of those guesses were correct. It also turns out that no amount of self preparation could have prepared me for what he said next.

His eyes steadily gaze into mine as he opens his mouth to speak.

"Caleb. It was from Caleb."


	34. Chapter 33

**Hey guys! So, I'm back (Again...)! Anyways, I won't keep you waiting much longer since I know I left you on a cliffy and you probably aren't reading this anyways because of that fact...but oh well! What can ya do?**

**Disclaimer: I may like to leave you on cliffies, but I will never write them as well as Veronica Roth...so, with that being said, I do not own the Divergent series or ANY of the characters!**

**Chapter 33**

**Tris' POV**

I climb into the running truck a moment later. Tobias immediately hands me my ice cream with a questioning look.

"What did you and Sadie talk about? It sure took a while," Justin says.

"Oh, not a lot. Just gave me something of Mom's and talked to me about how life has been," I half-lie. He raises an eyebrow at me through the rearview mirror but doesn't say anything else. I start to eat my chocolate peanut butter ice cream, still thinking about what Sadie said. I eventually turn to look at Tobias. He raises an eyebrow at me too.

"_Later," _I mouth. He nods and turns back to his ice cream.

We get to the White's home in a matter of a couple minutes, as Haviland is a small town. Justin parks in the driveway and unlocks everyone's doors. We climb out and Justin comes over and puts an arm around my shoulder. I wince at the shot of pain it causes, but otherwise stay quiet.

"Here's the deal: Makayla doesn't know you're coming...so try to be quiet when you walk through the door. I'll go up there and tell her that there is a strawberry ice cream with sprinkles waiting for her downstairs. When she comes down, she'll probably try to tackle you, so beware," he recites.

I laugh quietly and nod. He takes his arm off me as we walk through the front door. I look over to Taylor; I've only now realized how quiet she's been. She's looking at the ground as we walk. I stare at her for a moment and see a glimpse of me. I forget that she's going through something like I did. I can't not expect to see her a bit gloomy and quiet.

"Taylor?" I hear Justin ask worriedly.

Her head snaps up and she gives a small, tired smile. "I think I'm going to actually head up to bed. It's been a long day."

I go over and hug her. I don't know if anyone else saw the pain in her eyes or the smile she just faked, but I did.

"Do you want to know what the last words my mother said to me were?" I whisper in her ear. She very slightly nods. "Be brave." I pause for a moment. "Those were the last words she ever said to me, and I used to wonder why she didn't say something like 'I love you' or 'I'll miss you', but now I understand. She knew I would have a hard time getting through it, and she also knew that whatever she said to me last would replay in my head over and over again. It did, and now that I understand why she said what she did, I've tried to be brave. Ever since I have, I've been able to start moving on. I'm not saying you should move on yet, Lord knows I took years to, but I just think you should try to, when you feel like you can." She nods against my shoulder and I feel something wet hit my neck. She subtly wipes another tear off on my shirt when she pulls back from me.

"You sure you're okay, Taylor?" Justin asks again, looking between her and I.

"Yeah, I'm okay now. Goodnight everybody." She quietly heads upstairs.

Justin flicks his eyes to me, then to Tobias, who was standing closest to Taylor and I when I was whispering to her. He shrugs as if to say, 'I don't know what they were talking about'. His eyes go back over to me and I sweetly smile at him, not saying anything. He eventually sighs, and after he knows he's not getting anything out of me, starts heading towards the stairs.

"I'll go get Makayla," he mumbles.

Once he disappears, Tobias asks, "So what _were_ you talking about?"

"Nothing of your concern," I say back in the same tone as my smile gives off. A sweet, 'I'm not telling you', smile. He sighs.

I go into the living room and sit down on the couch. Tobias follows behind me.

"What about Sadie, can you tell me what she said?"

"Do you not understand the whole concept of 'later'?" I ask him teasingly.

"It is later," he slightly pouts. I laugh and pinch his cheeks. He immediately swats my hands away, causing me to laugh again.

"Awww, is my poor wittle Four feeling grumpy?"

"I think a kiss would help," he says, smirking.

"Hmmm…" I say, pretending to think. His face leans in close to mine, and I lean forward to, as if I were to kiss him. Right when our lips are millimeters from touching, I turn my head and his lips meet my cheek instead. This only causes him to pout more. I hear footsteps coming down the stairs and peck him on the cheek before turning my head to look.

Justin comes down the stairs first and smiles at me. He mouths, "_She's coming."_

And sure enough, a moment later she walks into sight, coming down the stairs. You can tell she's sick; she's looking a little worse for wear. Her skin is paler, she is a bit shaky, and you can see that just coming downstairs has worn her out. Other than that, she still looks like her cheery old self. Her eyes are alive with excitement, probably for her ice cream, and she's smiling. She's wearing her favorite pajamas, which are covered with purple monkeys and blue hearts.

"Where's my ice cweam, Justin?" Her voice sounds a bit ragged and scratchy, which is understandable.

"It's right in the living room," he answers.

"I can eat in the _living woom_?" she asks excitedly, clutching a stuffed monkey in her arms.

"I suppose you can, just this once," he says with a smile on his face.

She hurriedly runs towards the couch, and she's short enough that she doesn't see me looking over the top of it. It isn't until she pops out from around the couch that she sees me and Tobias.

"Bumblebea!" she tries to yell. If she wasn't sick it would have been extremely loud, but since her voice was already raspy, it didn't come out as loud as she had hoped for it too. She suddenly jumps onto my lap and wraps her arms around my neck.

"Take it easy Kayla-bo-Bayla!" I say, trying to keep her from making herself even more sick.

"Hey guys, is it okay if I go upstairs and get some stuff done while you watch Makayla?" Justin asks. I turn to Tobias and he nods.

"Yeah, it's fine!" I reply.

"Okay, cool! I'll be back in about 15 minutes!" he says before hurrying up the stairs.

"I thought I wasn't gonna see you again! I wanted to come to the faiwa, but I got sick!" she explains dejectedly after Justin is gone.

"Hey now, since when have I broken a promise?" I ask her.

"Neva!"

"That's right, and I'm not about to break one now! _Especially _to one of my favorite girls in the entire world!"

She giggles and unwraps her arms from my neck. She looks over to Four, seemingly just now noticing he was there. I look over at him too and find him smiling at me, looking like he's deep in thought. I can't help but crack a smile as well, wondering what he's thinking about.

"Fouwa! You came too!" she says excitedly.

He seems to snap out of his trance and quickly transfers eye contact to Makayla. "Yeah, I did," he says, chuckling at her antics.

She crawls off my lap and goes over to Tobias'. He seems extremely surprised that she did so, and I have to say that I'm actually a bit surprised she did as well. She wraps her arms around his neck and he hesitantly hugs her back. I can't help but smile at the sight. Now I see why he was smiling. All I have to do now is figure out what he was thinking about.

After a minute or two, she pulls back and crawls back over to me. I lean over her and reach to the end table where her slightly melted ice cream sits.

I hand it to her and say, "You better hurry up and eat it before it all melts!"

She grins at me and turns to Tobias. "Can you hold my monkey?" she asks. Tobias chuckles and nods before taking it out of her hands. She hurriedly digs in a moment later.

"This is my favwit ice cweam," she says in between bites.

"That's what I thought when I ordered it for you. I was hoping it hadn't changed!"

"Stwabawy is always gonna be my favwit ice cweam!" she exclaims. "Oh, and spwinkles!" she adds on. I chuckle and stay quiet for the rest of the time she eats.

"I'm done now, Bumblebea," she says after she's done, holding the empty container in the air, not knowing what to do with it. I take it from her and set it on the end table again. I make a mental note in my head to remember to throw it away later.

"I'm sorry you got sick and had to miss out on all the fun at the fair, Kayla," I tell her.

"It's okay! I feel betta now that you came to see me!" she says.

I chuckle. "I'm not quite sure that's how it works."

"What do you mean?" she asks.

I purse my lips, looking for the right words, but I can't seem to find any.

"What she's saying is that she thinks you're probably still a little bit sick," Tobias pipes in. I look at him gratefully, then turn back to Makayla.

"Oh. You'wa pobably wight. Bumblebea is neva wong," she says matter of factly.

I giggle. "Now, that isn't exactly correct. Everybody makes mistakes, including me."

She turns to look at Tobias. "What about you, Fouwa? Do _you _make mistakes?" she asks fairly curiously.

It's his turn to chuckle. "I have definitely made some mistakes. But you learn from them, and you move on. You make mistakes so next time you'll know not to do that again."

Makayla sits thinking for a minute. "Ohhhhhhh…." she says. "I get it now. So is that why old people aw smawt?"

I laugh, but she seems to not hear me. Tobias answers her again, smiling and trying to hold back laughter of his own at her choice of words. "Yes, I suppose that's why."

She slowly nods and sighs a minute later. She shifts in my lap and lays her head on my shoulder.

"What's wrong, Makayla?" I ask, worried she might be feeling nauseous from the ice cream.

"Nothing," she says, and yawns. I smile. She's just tired.

"Okay, just making sure," I say.

Her eyes slowly start to droop shut, but she fights against sleep. "You'wa a weally nice guy Fouwa," she says tiredly.

He smiles at her. "I'm glad you think so."

"Isn't Fouwa a nice guy Bumblebea?" she asks me. I smile and turn my head to Tobias.

"Yeah," I say, staring into his eyes, forgetting that's what I wanted to avoid because of what happened earlier. "He is."

It isn't until Makayla yawns that I snap back to reality. I blush from staring at Tobias for who knows how long, and look down at Makayla. Her eyes are shut and I can tell that she is only minutes away from sleep.

"Let's get you to bed, Makayla," I whisper. She nods and wraps her arms around my neck. "I'll be right back. Let me get her upstairs," I say to Tobias. He nods and slouches back into the couch.

"My monkey," Makayla sleepily mumbles. "I want my monkey."

I look to Tobias. He's staring at us, still sitting on the couch in front of us, but doesn't seem to actually be here. His mind is obviously in another place.

"Four," I whisper. He doesn't respond, nor do his eyes seem to focus; not even a little bit. He's still lost in his thoughts. "Four," I try again. No answer. "_Four_," I whisper fairly loud.

I giggle when I see Tobias snap back to reality. He quickly hands the monkey to Makayla before looking down at his lap. I can see a faint blush spread across his face. I giggle again before standing up.

I wrap my arms around her back to keep her from slipping off me. Luckily, Makayla wraps her legs around my waist, making my grip on her much easier to keep ahold of. I smile as her head falls onto my shoulder. Her light breath blows against my neck, but it only makes me smile larger.

I head up the stairs and go into the room that is Makayla's. I let go of her with one hand and pull the covers back. I bring that arm back up and hold the back of her head as I lower her down onto her bed. She shifts and I see her eyes crack open a bit. I pull the covers over her, up to her shoulders since she seems to be cold. I squat down so I'm eye-level with her and brush the hair back from her face.

"Get better soon, okay Kayla?" I tell her gently.

"Okay Bumblebea," she replies, her eyes falling back shut again. I lean forward and kiss her forehead. She smiles sleepily at me and closes her eyes completely. After a few minutes, her body relaxes and her breaths even out. I stare at her for a few moments more before standing up and quietly walking out, turning the fan on as I leave just in case she gets hot in the middle of the night.

I walk quietly back downstairs. I go over to the couch where Tobias is still sitting and sit on the end. I pull my knees up to my chest and lean back against the arm of the couch, looking at him. He looks back at me.

"You'd be a good mother, you know," he quietly tells me. I immediately feel my cheeks turn color and I lay my head on my knees, trying to hide it. But it's probably useless; he most likely saw it already.

It stays quiet for a little bit, and when I finally get my blush under control, I pull my head back up.

"You wouldn't be too shabby of a father yourself," I shyly tell him with a small smile on my face.

But much to my dismay, he shakes his head and breaks eye contact. He glares at the TV in front of him, even though it's not on.

"Tobias?" I whisper questioningly.

He keeps staring ahead. I get out of my position and scoot a little bit closer to him. I very gently lay a hand on his arm, and I feel some of his muscles relax.

"Listen, I'm sorry for whatever I said, I didn't mean to make you upset," I meekly say.

He sighs, his glare disappears, and his arm creeps around me. "I'm not upset. Just thinking."

"It sure didn't _look _like you were just thinking," I point out.

He turns and kisses my forehead. "You're too observant for your own good."

I wait for him to say something else, but he never does.

"Please tell me, Tobias," I plead.

He turns his head again and looks me in the eyes. He stares at me for a few moments before he sighs, leans his head back, and closes his eyes.

"Sometimes I find myself wondering, if I were ever to have kids, who I would be," he says quietly.

"What do you mean, who would you be?"

He pauses. "Would I be who I am now? Would I be someone my kids were proud to call their Dad? Or would I just turn out to be another Marcus?"

I had to lean closer in order to hear him. I frown at him, even though he can't see me.

"Tobias, look at me."

I wait for him to open up his eyes, and he does, but he keeps his gaze on the ceiling above him.

"Hey, look at me," I add on gently.

Yet he _still_ continues to find the ceiling more interesting than looking at me. I place my hand on his cheek, my fingers scratching against the slight stubble he has on his chin and jaw. I give him a few more moments, then gently lead his face downwards towards me. His gaze finally meets mine.

"You're _not _going to be another Marcus. You're too great of a person to ever do something like that. Plus, you've already told yourself about a trillion times to not be like him; to _not_ be like your father. You're too big of a sweetheart to be a Marcus. I know you, and I know that you would _never_, in a million years, turn out to be a reincarnation of him," I say sincerely.

His eyes flick around, looking at different parts of my eyes. "Careful, Tris. You're ruining my reputation. Sweetheart? Really?" If the joke didn't sound so forced, I might have cracked a smile, or maybe even had laughed.

After I stay silent, probably looking much more concerned rather than amused, he leans forward and places his forehead against mine.

"You would be a great father," I whisper to him.

He sighs after several moments of silence, and his hot breath blows against my lips.

"I don't know, Tris. I don't know." He shakes his head just ever so slightly as he speaks. My heart aches at seeing him be so doubtful of himself. Is this how he feels when he sees _me_ like this?

I run my free hand through his hair a couple times before sliding it down to his other cheek. I feel him relax ever so slightly under my touch.

"_I _know, Tobias. _I _know. And that's all that really matters," I whisper back.

He closes his eyes, and his head rests a lot heavier on mine than before. I push against him a little bit more, keeping our heads upright. His hands, which are resting on the couch, slide over and gently grip the tops of my knees. I close my eyes too, and wait.

Even though they're only millimeters away from each other, our lips never meet; they don't need to. That's not what he needs right now. Right now, what he needs is strength. I'm not sure how much strength I actually have, but it's something I'm happy to give. He's given me strength before, and he continues to everyday I'm with him. He does it unknowingly most of the time. He comforts and strengthens me in my times of need, and I want to do the same. I'm not sure if it's because of his independence and more private persona, or if it's just in a man's DNA, that keeps him from admitting his times of weakness. But just because he doesn't show weakness often doesn't mean he's any stronger than the next person; it just means he's better at hiding it. I may not get the chance to be his rock very often, but that's okay. It's the times like these that count.

I hear movement from upstairs and have a feeling that Justin will be coming back down in a minute. I open my eyes, reluctant to break this moment, but know I have to if he doesn't want Justin asking questions (which I'm pretty sure he doesn't).

I still hold his head up, but gently rub my thumbs back and forth from my hold on his face to let him know that Justin will be coming. He takes a deep breath, obviously understanding my hint, and opens his eyes. He meets mine and slowly pulls away.

Footsteps are heard creaking down the stairs, and am suddenly glad that I hadn't waited any longer. Tobias' hands loosen their grip on me, but don't let go quite yet.

Justin appears at the foot of the stairs and I peek up to look at him. His eyes scan the area and his eyebrow raises.

"Where's Makayla?"

"She was falling asleep, so I brought her up to bed after she ate her ice cream and talked her heart out," I reply.

He nods in understanding. "Well, if you want, you guys can go now. I've got everything done that needed to be done. Of course, you're welcome to stay for a while longer if you want. It's completely up to you guys. But I'm going to go up to bed."

I don't know why exactly, but I just have this gut feeling there's something he's hiding. He doesn't usually do anything before bed but take a shower and change. I know that from the past group sleepovers we've had. Unless he's changed a _lot_, I don't know what he could've been doing for 30 minutes by himself up in his room. He doesn't usually go to bed until midnight, or 1am unless he absolutely has to. Then again, I could be wrong and just be paranoid. My mind has been paranoid ever since we came into Haviland. Or, more accurately, since the accident.

I look at Tobias for his opinion. He slightly nods and lets go of my knees. I smile slightly at him and stand up.

"I actually think we'll get going. But thanks for driving us over here so I could see Makayla."

Justin smiles. "It wasn't a problem. It was nice to see you again, Bea. Really nice. I've missed you and your little smart-ass personality. I think we all needed to see you again."

I smile. "I needed to see you guys again, too. It would've felt wrong to come here and not see you," I say genuinely.

I hear Tobias stand up and suddenly he's standing next to me. Justin stretches out his hand for him, which Tobias takes. They shake once, twice, three times before letting go.

"It was nice meeting you, Four. Take care of her for us," Justin says.

"I don't plan on doing anything else," is Tobias' reply. I feel myself blush a bit.

They hold eye contact for a moment longer before Tobias breaks it, looking to me.

"I'll wait outside, okay?"

I nod gently, silently wondering how he knew I wanted this goodbye to be just between Justin and I.

He quickly kisses the top of my head and walks out the front door, shutting it behind him.

"Just a second, Bea," Justin says suddenly.

He disappears into the kitchen for a moment, but comes back rather quickly. There is a small bouquet of flowers in his hand and he gently hands it to me. I raise my eyebrow.

"They're for your family," he explains.

I frown. I forgot to get anything. I feel extremely selfish.

"Thank you."

"It's not a problem."

Justin holds his arms out a couple moments later. I hesitantly step into them, loosely wrapping my arms around him, still feeling like he's keeping something from me. He tightly squeezes me, but pulls back rather quickly.

"Hey, what's up?" he asks. I sigh. I need to work on how to keep these kinds of suspicions a secret. Everyone I know, or ever have known, has told me what a bad poker face I have.

"It's nothing."

"I've learned that whenever a girl says that 'It's nothing', or 'I'm fine', it's actually something, and they are absolutely _not _fine." I roll my eyes but know he's right. "C'mon. What's up? You can tell me, you know."

I bite my lip in nervousness. I look up at him and make sure to keep careful watch of his body language as I say, "I feel like there's something you're keeping from me."

His eyes widen in just the slightest, and a shocked look comes upon his face. It's in that moment that I know I was right.

I wait for him to talk before I say anything more. I don't want to give him ideas of lies he could feed me. Although, if he doesn't speak soon, I will. Luckily, he does about 30 shocked seconds later.

"How did you know?" he sighs.

"I just had a gut feeling. I know you; you're like a brother to me. So I guess I subconsciously noticed you hadn't exactly been yourself for the past half hour or so, and came to that conclusion."

He sighs again. "What did I do to give it away?"

"Well, you don't usually spend 30 minutes getting ready for bed, let alone go to bed before midnight unless you have to," I say, getting more and more frustrated the more he stalls and questions.

He nods, but says nothing. It's silent for the next minute, and I try to hold my tongue, but it proves to be more difficult than I thought it would be. On the second minute of silence, I finally can't hold it anymore.

"So what are you hiding from me?"

He thinks for a moment, probably about what he is going to say, but before he can start talking he's cut off by a dinging from my phone. I quickly fish it out and turn the ringer off. I read the notification that got my attention and see it's a text from Christina.

_We are planning on leaving in about 45 minutes or so._

As quickly as possible, I send a reply saying, "_**Thanks**_". I put it back in my pocket and look back up at Justin, way more frustrated than before. I have to leave now if I want to actually have enough time to say what I need to say to my family. Even though I'm not sure what I'm going to tell them, I know that once I start it'll be hard to stop.

"I have to go," I frustratingly say. As the words fall out of my mouth, Justin's face relaxes slightly. It only makes me more frustrated.

"Listen, meet me at the park tonight, at 1. I'll tell you then."

"And what makes you think I'll do that?"

Justin's face falls a bit at my stubbornness. "Please, Bea. You have to."

"Who says I have to? Why should I?"

"It's important, Bea. I don't know what exactly it is, but I know it's important that you read it."

"Read it? Read what?" I say as stubbornly as I can, trying not to let my curiosity show.

He sighs. "Just _please_ meet me at the park tonight. It's the only way."

"Why can't I read whatever is so important right now?" I ask, not really frustrated anymore. I'm mostly just curious as to what has his panties in such a twist. What could possibly be so important that he wants me to sneak out at 12:30 in the morning and drive for 20 minutes in the dead of night to a different town?

"I have a feeling there wouldn't be enough time."

"Why? Have you read it?" I notice I'm asking why a lot, but just hope he doesn't catch onto it.

"No, I haven't read it. It's supposed to be read by you, that's all I know."

"Then why is it so important?"

"It just _is_, okay?!"

I'm taken aback by how frantic and panicked he looks. From the looks he's giving me, he acts as if me not showing up tonight would be the end of the world; like it's a life-or-death situation. I've never seen him like this before. He's always been cool and collected. Never frantic.

I'm shocked for a moment or two and don't respond right away. I finally snap to my senses afterwards. "Listen, I'll see what I can do, okay? But I can't promise anything."

"No, Beatrice, listen to me. This is important. You have to find a way to be there tonight. You always find a way. I know you can. You just have to trust me that this is important."

I take a deep breath in and out, assessing the situation. Whilst I know that Justin wouldn't lie about something like this, he himself says he hasn't read whatever this...this...this thing is. Why on earth would he insist on me coming to the park, in the middle of the night, to read something that is apparently so important it can't wait, when he doesn't even know what it is?

"Please promise me you'll be there, Bea."

I look up into his frantic eyes. "Name one good reason I should," I boldly demand.

He raises his hands and clasps them around the back of his neck, letting out a deep breath while staring up at the ceiling, probably collecting his thoughts. He eventually lowers both his hands and gazes down back at me. His eyes meet mine.

"A letter. To you."

"A letter? To me? If it's for me, why didn't they just send it to me? Why you?"

"Well, I-uh…" He trails off for a moment. "It was inside a larger envelope. It said my name and address. But when I opened it I found another envelope inside. And it said your name on the front. I have reason to believe that whoever sent it doesn't know where you live."

"But why would they send it here?"

"I think they were hoping that I would see you and give it to you at some point in time."

I frown. "But why you? Most people who know me would give it to Taylor or Hailey to give to me."

"At first I didn't understand either, but I think I do now."

"Okay, so allow me to cut to the chase. Who was the letter from?"

He opens and closes his mouth several times.

"If I know who it's from, it might help this process go by much faster," I say impatiently.

He looks extremely nervous. He opens his mouth a few more times before closing it up again. He finally manages to get something out.

"I just received it this morning, I swear. If I knew, I would've told you a lot sooner. I don't know how long ago it was written, but it's hard to tell from just the writing of your nam-"

"Stop beating around the bush, Justin! Who was it from?!" I say, raising my voice slightly.

He looks up at the ceiling, off to the side, down at the floor, behind me; pretty much everywhere but my eyes, before he answers. I prepare myself for the worst. Was it from Eric? Hailey?

It turns out that neither of those guesses were correct. It also turns out that no amount of self preparation could have prepared me for what he said next.

His eyes steadily gaze into mine as he opens his mouth to speak.

"Caleb. It was from Caleb."

I forget how to breathe for a moment. Like, _literally_ forget how to breathe. I stumble back a few steps and bump into the couch. It's only when I feel my lungs start to burn from the lack of air that I actually focus on remembering how breathing works. Once I get my breathing under control, I narrow my eyes at him.

"You're lying."

He looks shocked. "Bea, I'm not lying! I wouldn't lie about something like t-"

"Caleb is _dead_!" I shout as loud as I can without disturbing anyone who could be sleeping upstairs.

"I know he is, Beatrice! I know he is! But I'm not lying!"

I stare with narrowed eyes at him. But no matter how much I try, I can't find any traces of guilt, dishonesty, or joking in his face. I may look put together on the outside, but I'm screaming on the inside.

"Beatrice...please...please believe me."

I know he's telling the truth, but instead of comforting me, it only makes me more confused and angry than before. Justin starts to walk towards me, but I stop him by holding my hand up and lightly pushing him a few steps backwards. I stare at him for a few more moments. I finally stop leaning against the couch and walk to the front door. I'm ready to get out of here. I _need _to get out of here.

I put my hand on the knob, but don't open it right away. I turn back around to see Justin looking distraught and regretful; still nothing that screams, "_Liar! Liar!"_ I silently curse to myself.

"I'll see what I can do. But that's _all _I can promise," I say in a cold tone. I hold eye contact for one more moment before twisting the knob and stepping out into the cold, night air. I shut the door behind me and step off the front porch.

I immediately take a deep breath in and marvel in the new air. I close my eyes and take in a few more breaths. It seems to cool off my temper a bit.

I feel a hand slip into mine, and open my eyes, startled, yanking it back.

"Everything okay, Tris?" Tobias asks me.

I sigh in relief. It's just Tobias. "Everything's fine," I reply to him. "You just scared me, that's all."

His eyebrows furrow. "Are you sure?"

I nod. "Yes." I slip my hand back into his and squeeze it, trying to reassure him. Or maybe I'm trying to reassure myself, I really don't know at this point.

He stares at me for a few more moments, questioningly. I roll my eyes, trying to look convincing. It seems to do it; he kisses my temple a moment later.

"We have to get going now. Christina texted me about ten minutes ago and said they-"

"Not meaning to interrupt you, but I got the text, too. We should probably get going before time runs out."

I nod, knowing he's right. "Let's go, then."

"Lead the way,"

I attempt a smile at him and start to lead him to the cemetery. I clutch the flowers tightly in my hand, as if they'd blow away at the slightest breeze. Along the way, I try to keep my mind off the situation with Justin and the letter, but to no avail.

Is he just lying to me about this? Is this all some big joke? Would Justin really do something like that? _Especially _when it concerns my dead brother?

"_No," _my subconscious tells me. "_He wouldn't."_

I _have _to see what that letter is. I _have _to confirm myself that it was from Caleb. There's a thousand questions running through my head. How does Justin know _for sure _that it was from Caleb?

_He knows what his handwriting looks like. They're nerds, remember? They saw each other's handwriting all the time._

But why would I be getting a letter from Caleb in the first place? Did someone else have it and finally decide to send it to someone who would give it to me?

_That's the only logical explanation._

But why did they have it in the first place? Why would this person have Caleb's letter? And a better question yet: why did Caleb write a letter to me? When? If he had something to say, why wouldn't he just tell me in person? He didn't know a drunk driver would kill everyone but me; he probably thought he had all the time in the world. He's never been extremely good with words, much like me, so maybe that's why he wrote the letter? But I'm still confused as to why he didn't give it to me sooner if that was the case.

Also, who had the letter? There was no one but Tori and I who collected my family's things, along with my own, when we moved to Chicago. No one else could have gotten their hands on that letter, and Tori obviously did not have it. Unless Caleb gave it to someone to give to me later?

Even after all of these theories, I still feel like it would be such a non-Caleb thing for him to do. It doesn't make sense. None of the puzzle pieces are going together. The only other theory I have would be if he wrote it recently and sent it to Justin instead of me, because he was not sure where I lived.

_No, Tris. You can't start thinking like that. He's __**dead. **__D-E-A-D; __**dead.**_ _You felt his nonexistent pulse, you saw his blood, you heard his screams. He's dead. Don't let your hopes get up for something as silly as that. It'll only crush you more once you confirm what you already know._

I sigh quietly and shake my head. This is all too confusing. The only thing I know for sure is that I'm going to the park tonight, alone...which brings on a whole other set of mental questions.

"_How are you going to get a car? They won't just let you leave," _is the first question I ask myself. I'm going to have to take the keys somehow, most likely from Tori. The only problem is she pockets both sets of keys so fast that I definitely won't be able to take them without her noticing. I'll have to go into her hotel room and get a set, somehow. Hotel doors are locked without the key, so I would have to knock to get into her room. In other words, Tori will definitely know if I'm in her room. I doubt she'll take her eyes off of me either. And even if she does, I'd have to find the keys first before taking them.

"_Let's say you did manage to get the keys. That's great and all, but how are you going to get away from Tobias?"_

I think long and hard about this one. I think of the time when he told me I could go to Tori and talk. Maybe I could say that's what I was doing. But I've already told him that I don't want to talk to her because I haven't told her about the whole 'rape' thing with Eric yet. That would only raise more questions. Maybe I could make up an excuse about having a question for Tori.

"_A question? For Tori? This is looking quite pathetic."_

I quietly sigh in frustration.

"_And hopeless."_

I run my free hand through my hair, not caring about it falling out. I feel some come loose, and take the Bobby pins out of the strands hanging in my face. I take them and put them in my pocket.

I am about to start thinking again when Tobias squeezes my hand. I've stopped walking. I look ahead of me and see the entrance to the cemetery. My heart starts to beat faster and I feel as if a weight has been dropped into my stomach. For a long time, I thought that coming here would help me. Maybe it would help the nightmares. I thought that's all I needed to do. But now that I'm here, I'm not so sure.

"Umm…maybe-maybe we should just...go. I'm not feeling the greatest. Maybe-maybe next time. Is it cold out here to you?" I stutter. At least part of it is the truth; I _am_ cold.

"Tris…" His hand unlaces from mine and instead lands on my shoulder. He turns me so I'm facing him. "I'll be right here with you when you need me, okay? I'm not leaving. You're not alone." His blue eyes bore into mine. "Okay?"

It takes a moment, but I feel myself nodding silently. I can do this. I _need_ to do this.

"I'll stand right here until you're ready for me, okay?"

I bite my lip and nod again, clutching the flowers tighter. A sudden fear crawls up on me.

"What if I'm not strong enough to do this? What if I can't? What if I break down and start crying?" I weakly say.

Both of his hands grip my arms, firmly holding me in place. "First of all, Tris, you are the strongest person I know. You've lost everything, and more, yet you're still holding on. You're still fighting to become a better person; to live happier. You have strength within you, you just have to believe in yourself in order to find it. And secondly, just because you cry does not make you weak or any less strong than the next person. You're at your family's _graves _for God's sake. It's okay to cry. It's okay to show some emotion."

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, contemplating over what he said.

"I'll be right here, remember?" he says, leaning his forehead against mine.

I nod very carefully, trying not to let our heads fall off each other. I lean in for a kiss a moment later, something he happily returns. I keep it short and sweet, but feel much better after that.

"I remember," I whisper.

He smiles softly at me, and lets go of my arms. He takes a step back and leans against the rock wall surrounding the yard. I turn to the small gravesite before me and bravely take the steps towards the stones marked 'Prior'.

Their stones are towards the back. They're far enough away that I don't think Tobias will be able to hear what I say if I'm quiet enough; not that he's probably trying to listen in anyways.

I finally reach the tombstones. I stand in front of them for a moment, trying to let it sink in.

_**R.I.P.**_

_**In loving memory of Andrew &amp; Natalie Prior. **_

_**Devoted Husband &amp; Wife, Friends of many, Loving Parents of two.**_

_**Natalie**_

_**January 22, 1977 - September 28, 2014**_

_**Andrew**_

_**June 17, 1977 - September 28, 2014**_

_**Let their compassion not be a reminder of who they were, but who they would want you to be. **_

Caleb's stone is right next to theirs. I find it odd that Justin said he and Taylor couldn't find it. But maybe he was just trying to protect me...in some way. Doing what Caleb would do and try not to let me dwell on the past.

_**R.I.P.**_

_**In loving memory of Caleb Prior.**_

_**Caring Friend, Outstanding Student, Loving Brother and Son.**_

_**October 23, 1997 - September 28, 2014**_

_**Gone are the days we used to share, but in my heart you're always there.**_

"_**Without knowledge, life is no more than a shadow of death."**_

I let my eyes skim these few lines over and over again, until it hits me all over again that they're never coming back. Ever. And that's what ends up being the last straw for me.

I fall to my knees as heavy, racking sobs shake through my body. I run my fingers through the grass, looking for something to help ground me.

I cry for what feels like hours. I cry for my parents, for Caleb, for me. I cry for the things that they never got to do. I cry for the opportunities they never got to take. I cry for anything and everything. I cry for their lives; they were cut off too soon. They were all too young; too young to die.

Once I've finally reduced to sniffling, I try to get ahold of myself. I take a few deep breaths, then start.

"I don't know if you guys can hear me or not. I could very well just be talking to a stupid marble rock. But I'd like to think you can...so, hi Mom, hi Dad, hi Caleb…" I shakily say. I try to think of what I should say next, but nothing comes to mind.

A few moments later, I realize I'm thinking too hard about this and that I shouldn't try to plan out what I say. I should talk to them as if they were really here.

"You know, after two years, you'd think it'd get easier. But it doesn't. I still feel the pain of your missing presence everyday. I still feel as if I'm just going to wake up someday and realize it was all a dream. I'll wake up to Caleb pouring cold water on me, then chase him downstairs where you guys will be waiting and telling us to slow down before we get hurt, but laughing at us at the same time. But now I know that that isn't going to happen. You're gone now, and I'm not getting you back…." I trail off, desperately trying not to cry again. I manage to compose myself before I start talking again.

"I can't believe that I took for granted the life I had before my 15th birthday. Where things were simple, where nothing could change who I was. I wish I could go back in time and change things. Make things right. Make things _better_. Although, Caleb is probably yelling at me right now about how I can't do that," I tearily laugh. "Saying that it is scientifically impossible to go back through time, so unless I can invent a way, I need to quit thinking like that."

I take another deep breath, then continue onwards. "I miss you. I miss you so much. And it hurts. It hurts knowing you're gone. _God_, it hurts. But I've tried to move on. I'm _trying _to move on." Another deep breath. "So...let's move on to some good things now, shall we?" One more breath for composure. "Tori and I moved to Chicago. She got a job as an art _and_ music teacher there. She loves it, and the students love her. Then again, who couldn't love Tori?"

I can almost hear my mother's laugh at that statement. I smile slightly, comforted by the closeness I feel with them right now. I should've done this a lot sooner.

"There's a lot of things I should fill you in on, so I guess I will just start at the beginning."

I can faintly hear Caleb sarcastically say in the back of my mind, "_Off to a great start, Beatrice. You figured out you should start a story from the beginning. Congratulations!" _I smile again.

"Actually, I do have some more bad news. I'm sorry. Of course, if there is an afterlife you probably already know...but Andrea passed away. From cancer. Andrea White. Justin came back from college to take care of Taylor and Makayla since their Dad seems to be in a sort of shock. But as far as I can see, they're managing."

I pause for a minute, just thinking.

"Well now that I got that over with, I should tell you that I've made some new friends. At first, I met this girl, Christina, who was very talkative and unafraid to say what was on her mind. I found her extremely annoying at first, but decided to give her a chance...we're best friends now," I say with a smile. "I made a lot of other friends too. They're all so nice to me and accepted me for who I was right away. They brought me in, the new girl who didn't talk to anybody, with open arms. And they were unafraid to do so. They're pretty amazing people."

I take a breath to fill up the air in my lungs. "Christina, Lynn, Marlene, and Shauna are the girls. Uriah, Zeke, Will, and Four, well, Tobias, are the boys." I laugh quietly. "Our group is basically just made up of the most popular couples in school, if you think about it. Zeke and Shauna are dating, Uriah and Marlene are dating, Will and Christina are dating, and Tobias and I are dating. Lynn is the only one who isn't dating anyone."

I can practically see my father's eyebrow raise, my mother's knowing smile, and Caleb's sudden protective stance.

"Yeah, and that's another thing I have to tell you." I smile before continuing. "Tobias and I only started dating a month ago, but it feels as if we've been together for forever. But in a good way. I never thought I'd be the type of girl to always have their boyfriend on their mind, constantly text, call, and hang out with them, or feel giddy when they were around. But I do it all, and I understand why other girls do as well now. He makes me so happy, guys. He makes me feel emotions that I didn't know you _could _feel. He makes me feel as if I'm one of the most brave, beautiful, and selfless girls on the planet, even though I know I'm not. He does things to me that I never thought possible, and he's helped me so much over the past couple of months. I find myself wanting to spend every possible minute with him that I can."

I find the words are coming right out of my mouth without me having to think about them now. I have so much to tell about Tobias that I have no trouble finding the words.

"He is honestly one of the best things that has ever happened to me. And when we fight, I want nothing more than to apologize and make up because being apart from him is painful; mentally, physically, _and _emotionally. He treats me so well, it's unbelievable. I still don't understand why a guy like him would ever choose me, but every time I bring it up, he brushes it off like I'm crazy. He says what I need to hear, listens when I need to talk, cheers me up when I'm down, makes me the happiest I've felt ever since you guys left, brings me out of any negative thoughts I have, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. The list could go on forever. He-he…."

I trail off for a moment, hesitating. Then I remember that I'm not speaking to my family in person, just to their stones, and realize I'm being silly. I can say anything I want.

"He said he loved me today." I take a moment to smile. "I know it's only been one month, I pointed that out, but this has been the best month of my life. I know if you guys were still here, you'd like him. He's selfless, smart, brave, encouraging, a great listener, handsome, and always knows exactly what to say. I still wonder how I got him pretty much everyday." A tear falls down my cheek at that thought. They'll never get to meet my first _real _boyfriend. They'll never get to meet the guy who says he _loves_ me.

I swallow hard, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat. I take a few deep breaths. "I actually brought him with me. I know you'll never get to meet him in person, so this is the next best thing I can do."

I slowly turn my head to where Tobias is standing. He's watching me carefully, concern and worry etched into his face. I softly smile at him, indicating for him to come over. He does so fairly quickly. I take his hand and gently pull him down beside me.

"Guys, I want you to meet Tobias. The one I was talking about."

"It's nice to finally meet you, Mr. and Mrs, Prior. Caleb. I've heard a lot about you, believe it or not," Tobias softly says in return, taking me a bit by surprise. I wasn't exactly expecting him to talk to them like me, but now that I think about it, why wouldn't he? He knows they mean, or meant, a lot to me, so why wouldn't he try and 'impress' them, even if they are dead? I'm starting to think that he really _would _do anything for me if I wanted him to. I'm even more taken aback when he continues to talk.

"I know you don't know me, that you'll never _really _get to meet me, and that I'll never _really _get to meet you, but I have a feeling you'd want someone to take over your jobs. If you can hear us down here, I want to tell you that I can do that for you. I can promise that I will love and cherish your daughter, and sister, with everything I have. I _do _promise you that. Your daughter is the best thing that's ever happened to me."

My jaw is dropped at his easy-going demeanor. My boyfriend is talking to my _dead _family, as if they were here. Like I was. And he doesn't even act like it's any different. He acts as if they're alive and asking him what his intentions are with me. Which only stuns me more now that I think about it. His head turns to meet my eyes, and he chuckles and kisses my temple. He grabs my hand and squeezes it, but I can't seem to do anything, as I'm still immensely shocked at his words and demeanor. He turns back to the stones in front of him and continues talking.

"Ever since she walked into my life, it's not a struggle to get out of bed, and school doesn't suck so much anymore now that I know I get to see _her _everyday. I wake up everyday wondering how I got this amazing, brave, and beautiful girl to be in my life, let alone my girlfriend. I know for a fact that she doesn't believe me when I tell her these things, but it's the least I can do to try. She's obviously still a work in progress," he chuckles.

I shake my head in disbelief at him. How can he be so open and laid back doing this? I know I sure as hell wasn't as calm as he was talking to them, and it's _my_ family for God's sakes!

"Listen, I don't have very much to go off of here. My father and mother never _really _got along, they were just good actors. I could hear them arguing every night before the beatings started to happen. When my mother passed away, the only person I had left was my father, and I can barely stand to even call him by name, let alone my father. All I know about loving someone is based off the love I was given. What I know is don't turn into Marcus_, _don't act like Marcus, don't talk like Marcus, don't _love _like Marcus, if he even did. But other than that, I have nothing. I'm not sure how to properly love someone. But I can promise you that I will sure as hell do my best. I just found the best thing that's happened to me since I met my best friend, Zeke, when I was 4. And I'm not about to let her slip through my fingers."

I'm looking down at the grass, silent tears dripping from my cheeks. What he's said moved me so much that it literally broke me down into tears. How on Earth does he see me as this perfect girl? I'm not perfect, not even close, yet he's still here, speaking every single word that a girl would want to hear.

"What I'm trying to say is that I love your daughter. I love her so much it hurts. I don't know exactly if it hit me all at once, or if it slowly crept up on me; all I know is that I love her with everything in me, everything I have, and more. I may never be able to love her as much as you did, but I'll try. I may never be the man she deserves, but as long as I have her, I'll try my hardest to keep her, no matter how selfish that sounds. And I guess if one day time separates us, I will have no choice but to let her go. But until that day comes, I'm keeping her right next to me, where she'll be in my life _and_ my heart. Where I can keep her safe. Where she will always be mine."

I'm keeping a death grip on Tobias' hand now. How he finished not only made my tears worse, it made my body give huge, racking sobs. No one has ever talked about me like this before, and now that Tobias has, I don't doubt his love for me. It exciting, exhilarating, and scary all at the same time.

And of course, it's at that time that he decides to look at me. I can barely see his deep blue irises, as they're mostly just a blurry blob, but I _can_ see something gentle, something special, in them. He smiles at me, leans forward, and kisses my forehead. He brings me into his arms a moment later. I let go of his hand and instead move my iron-grip to his back.

After a while, I loosen my hold on him and pullback so I can look at him. I take one hand off his back to wipe the remaining tears from my cheeks. I then move it to his cheek and skim my fingers along his jaw, lips, and cheekbone. I find myself studying him intensely, looking for something I haven't seen before. But I think that the only new thing I've found is the look in his eyes when he was 'talking' to my family.

"Did you know you have a small patch of freckles on the bridge of your nose?" Tobias whispers. I look up into his eyes. He must have been studying me too.

I barely have time to shake my head, because I really _didn't _know I had freckles, before his lips are on mine. I let my eyes flutter shut and slide the hand that was resting on his cheek into his hair. He keeps it gentle and slow, not that I'm complaining. The only thing I would like to complain about is the fact that he keeps it short; like one minute short. So when he pulls back, I open my eyes and let my bottom lip jut out in a pout. He half smiles and gives me a peck on the lips.

"We've gotta get going, Tris," he whispers.

I sigh and bite my lip. "Already?"

He nods. "I'm sorry. If I could control time, I'd be slowing it down right now."

I force a smile and nod. I slowly let my arms slide off from around him and turn to face the tombstones again. Tobias' hand creeps into mine, and I squeeze it tightly.

"I love you guys. And I know you wish as much as I do that you were here with me, but I know just as well as anyone else that that won't happen, so this will be as good as it gets. But I want you to know that I'm safe, and that I'm loved. I have people here to take care of me and love me like you guys. I have Tori, and Tobias, and Christina, and Uriah, and Zeke, and Will, and Lynn, and Marlene, and Shauna, and even Justin. I have people who care like you did. I just thought you should know that," I say in a slightly choked-up voice.

We sit here for a couple minutes, in front of the stones, with the flowers that Justin gave me in my hand. They're a bit crumpled, but otherwise still good as new. My hand starts to violently shake as I reach out to put them in front of the stones. Tobias let's go of my hand and instead covers the one with the flowers, helping steady it as I set it down. I watch for a few moments, then take a deep breath and start to stand up. Tobias follows and helps me the rest of the way up.

I stare at what's left of my family; three marble stones, a bouquet of flowers, and words. A tear silently slips down my cheek.

"I love you," I whisper.

I stare for a few more minutes before turning my head away. I don't want the silent tears to turn to being loud tears.

"Let's go. Please," I whisper to Tobias.

He squeezes my hand, and even though I told him that I was ready to go, my mind must think differently and my feet drag as he starts to lead me out. He stops a few feet in, and let's go of my hand. He turns to me and wipes the tears off my cheeks. He kisses me on my forehead, then turns around and squats down, indicating I should get on his back. I don't fight it; I slowly pick my feet up from the ground and wrap them around his waist. Once I get my arms around his neck, he stands and grabs a hold of my legs, holding me upwards. He starts walking towards the gate.

He walks, and he walks, and he walks. I'm telling him which way to go from time to time, when he asks.. I eventually lay my head on his shoulder and try to relax, which proves to not be very difficult since I'm in such close contact with him.

"Hey Tobias?" I whisper from my place on his shoulder.

"Yeah?"

I lightly kiss the side of his neck. "Thank you."

**Heh...heh...heh…**

**Bet ya thought I was gonna go on further, didn't ya? Bet ya thought that I wouldn't leave you hanging like that...BUT I DID! MWA HA HA HA! I guess you'll just have to wait until next time to see what this 'letter' entails…*smirks***

**On another note...OH MY GOSH WE REACHED 500 REVIEWS GUYS! (509 to be exact) THAT'S HALF A THOUSAND! LIKE, WOAH! WHAT THE HECK?! I NEVER THOUGHT I'D GET THAT FAR! THANK YOU SO MUCH! THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME! **

**So, I just want to tell you not to worry, because the next chapter WILL be about this 'letter'! Please don't have a heart/panic attack while you wait!;)**

**I'm so sorry I didn't get this chapter out earlier, by the way! School has been such a pain in the butt. Ughhhhhh. Thank you so much for your patience while you waited! It means a lot to know you're still supporting me! I will try to have the next chapter up fairly soon, but I can't promise anything at this moment in time!**

**Anyways, let's shoot for 515 reviews, 290 favorites, and 345 follows! I still can't believe that we hit 500 reviews! That's crazy! To know that there are that many of you out there reading and taking the time to write a message of support boggles my mind! Thank you again! I don't think I'll ever be able to say it enough!**


	35. Chapter 34

**Hey guys, sorry it took that long! Sophomore year is exhausting. /_\ But I've worked on this when I could, so I hope this makes up for the time I was gone!**

**Disclaimer: Veronica Roth is a well-known author. I am not. Therefore, I don't own Divergent.**

**Tris' POV**

**Chapter 34**

It took the whole car ride back plus 20 minutes in the hotel room, but I've finally figured out what my plan is.

First, I need to call Christina.

"Hey, I'm gonna call Christina, okay? I wanna talk to her," I say to Tobias and get up from off the bed.

"Why not just go to her room?" he asks and raises his eyebrow, already suspecting as I grab my phone. But I don't worry; I've already planned for this question.

"I'm not sure if I really _want_ to go to her room uninvited...Christina isn't as private about her love life as most people and, well...she likes to give details. Like _details _details...about...you know…" I say as convincingly as possible. It works. His eyebrow drops and he makes a face.

"Thanks for that visual, Tris."

"Hey, you asked!"

"Yeah, but you at least could've made up another excuse for my ears, Tris," he says, still with that face.

"Well I'm _so _sorry for upsetting my little baby over here," I say and ruffle his hair. He grunts at me and turns back to the TV. I would probably laugh if I didn't feel so bad for lying to him.

I step outside the hotel room with a keycard so I can get back in when I'm done. I go to the elevator at the end of the hallway and ride down to the main floor that way no one will hear me (*cough* Tobias. *cough*).

I sit down on one of the couches in the lobby and dial Christina's number from memory. It rings a few times, and I start to think that maybe she won't answer. At last minute, she picks it up.

"Hey Tris!"

"Hey Christina!"

"What's up?"

"I need a little favor…."

I can tell she's debating whether or not to do it.

"Christina, at least listen to what it is first! Then decide!"

I hear her sigh. "Okay, okay, fine. What is this so called favor?"

"Can you organize, like, I don't know, some sort of group get-together?"

"Yeah, of course! I thought you gonna ask something else! What do you want to do?!"

"Actually Christina...I'm not going to be in this," I say cautiously choosing my words.

"Wait-what?" she asks confused.

"I need you to get a mandatory group get-together, but I won't be joining."

"Okay, you're going to have to explain more than that." I hear the finality in her tone. I sigh and go along with it.

"I just really need some time to myself where I can think and get lost in my thoughts. But I know To-Four won't leave me if he thinks something is wrong, so I need you to get the group together and do something." I desperately try to continue on without sounding suspicious and swear to double my amount of caution from here on out. I almost just said Tobias' name in front of Christina!

"He still won't leave! I don't see how this is going to-"

"That's why I need you to get the _whole group _together! Come to our room and drag him out if you have to!"

"Wait- Tris, is there something wrong?"

I slightly shake my head and frown. "What do you mean?"

"Did you two have a fight?" she asks gently.

"No! Christina! We didn't have a fight! I just really need to think about some things for a while!"

"Like what?"

I groan. "Why do you have to be such a Candor?"

"I was born that way. Now spill."

"Listen, I'll tell you everything someday, okay? Just not right now."

"Why? What's wrong? What's happening?" she interrogates.

I sigh and decide to be completely honest with her. "Christina, even I'm not sure what's wrong, or what's happening at the moment. I need to gather my thoughts and organize them. I've been off for the past couple days, and I know you've noticed, but it's because I'm constantly getting lost in my jumbled mess of a head. I really do need to think on this. Alone. Sort my head out. Alone," I finish.

Christina falls silent for the first time since the conversation started, and I hold my breath, awaiting an answer. Eventually, when I think I can no longer go without air, she sighs.

"I'll do it. You're my best friend after all, how could I say no?"

I release the air I've been holding and take a deep breath. "Thank you so much, Christina. I definitely owe you one!"

"Yeah, yeah. Well, I guess we're going swimming."

"Swimming? But doesn't the pool close at like, midnight?"

"Not this one, I already checked! It's open 24/7!"

I smile. "Thank you Christina."

"You're welcome. Now, go tell lover boy to get his swimming trunks on."

"Will do."

"See you later, Tris. Love ya girl."

I laugh a bit. "Love ya too. See you Christina."

The line goes dead, and I put my phone back into my pocket. I make my way to the elevators. On my way back up to the room, my phone vibrates. I pull it out and look real quickly.

**Christina: Everybody get your suits on! It's time to get our swim on! I will drag you out of your rooms if I have to! **_**Everyone **_**is going! No exceptions! Be ready and down here in 10!**

No one responds. I smile. I know _I_ wouldn't dare say no to her. She _is_ serious about dragging people away. I've seen it happen.

I get back into the room a few minutes later. Tobias has his back to me, digging through his suitcase. So...he's obviously read the text.

As silently as possible, I close the door behind me and get on my knees behind him. I carefully slip my arms around his rock-hard stomach and press the side of my face to his back. Like expected, he jumps a bit, but relaxes a moment later. His hands squeeze mine.

"So, _Toby, _watcha doin'?" I ask, sounding as innocent as possible.

I feel him chuckle from my place on his back. "Do me a favor, and don't call me that again."

I smile and give a small laugh. "Got it."

"By the way, you were the one talking to Christina. You know what I'm doing."

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Either way, you'll never know."

"The very fact that you said that tells me that you know."

I pause for a moment. "So what's taking you so long to get your swimming trunks on?"

He laughs at my small joke. "Well, you see, there's this girl that I'm crazy about. I find it hard to concentrate when she has her arms around me, making me laugh."

"Hmmm...should I be worried about this girl?"

He turns around, making my arms drop from around him. As quick as a flash, his lips are on mine. I start to fall back, but reach behind me and catch myself with my arms. He leans farther towards me and continues the kiss, and I let my eyes shut.

He pulls back abruptly a minute later, making me open my eyes hurriedly, wondering what happened.

"No. You don't. Your kisses are much better," he says with a twinkle in his eye.

I smile at him, understanding what he was doing. "Well that's good. I was worried there for a minute."

He gives me a peck on the lips then stands up.

"You better get your swimming stuff too. Christina will kill us all if we aren't on time."

"Yeah, about that…" I slowly say.

He raises an eyebrow. "She said no exceptions. You can face her if you want, but I don't be defending you. If I were you, I would go."

"Yeah, I already talked to her about that," I say with a small smile.

"Wait- she told you it was fine if you didn't want to go?!"

I smirk. "Yes."

He looks at me like '_You have got to be kidding me'. _"She said no exceptions," he says disbelievingly.

"I'm her besterestest friend. I'm the _only _exception," I say, still smirking at his face.

"Then I don't want to go either."

"Sorry. Like I said, I'm the only exception there is."

"I've been friends with her longer," he tries to argue.

"There's no point in trying to get out of it, Tobias. It's not gonna happen."

He rolls his eyes. "That is so not fair."

"Life isn't fair. Now hurry up and get your trunks on. You have exactly 4 more minutes to get your butt down there before Christina comes and drags you out herself," I say teasingly.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," he says and closes the bathroom door behind him.

I feel my stomach twist and turn. I never knew I could feel this guilty about lying. I do it all the time, but with him I feel so incredibly guilty. I walk over to the bed and flop down onto it. I sigh and try to rid myself of the sick feeling I have in my stomach.

_It's not too late to back out._

_No. I have to do this. I need to know what's in that letter._

_Maybe you shouldn't know. Maybe you should keep trying to move forward. Look how far you've come; you don't want to mess that up._

_I can't __**not**_ _go. It's Caleb. It's the last piece I have of him, other than his blanket and my memories. I have to go._

My mind stops fighting against itself when I hear the door knob turning. I quickly sit up and slide off the bed. He steps out a moment later with his swimming trunks and t-shirt on. He makes eye contact with me and walks over, clasping his hands behind my back and pulling me closer to him.

"You sure you're gonna be okay here alone?" he asks, his eyebrows crinkled in concern.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry. I'm just gonna stay here, think, and maybe catch up on some sleep."

And there goes my stomach, twisting and turning again.

He kisses my forehead. "Okay. Just call if you need anything though, okay?"

I nod. God, I feel sick. "Okay."

He lets go of me and I take a step back. He starts to walk to the door when I think of something.

"Wait, Tobias!"

He turns. "Yes?"

"Do you take your shirt off when you swim?"

I immediately blush at how that sounded. He smirks, noticing it.

"And why do you ask?"

"Your scars," I mumble. "I didn't know if you kept your shirt on."

His smirk drops and he frowns a bit. "Yeah, I do."

"But don't they ask you questions?"

"They used to. Now they don't bother. They just assume I feel uncomfortable or something like that."

I bite my lip. "If your scars weren't there, would you take your shirt off then?"

He frowns. "Yes...what's your point?"

"I have an idea," I say. "Sit down on the bed."

He looks unsure. "Tris, I really need to get going. I don't really want Christina to hunt me down."

"Just sit down. I'll take care of it."

He still looks unsure. "Tris-"

"Trust me, okay?"

He looks me in the eyes, and I can see the cautiousness slowly disappear from his eyes. It makes my heart hurt. He trusts me whole heartedly. And I'm lying to him.

I shake that out of my head for now. I'm afraid he'll be able to see the guilt in my eyes.

"Okay," he replies.

I go into the bathroom and open the drawer where I keep the scar concealer. I take it out and go back to the bed Tobias is sitting on. He looks at what I have and raises his eyebrow.

"Won't that just come off in the water anyw-"

"It's waterproof," I interrupt. "Trust me, I would know."

He sighs. "Tris, they don't question me anymore. You don't have to-"

"Tobias, please. Let me do this. I may not be able to make them go away, but I can at least help you hide them. Make you feel slightly normal. I don't want you to have to keep being constantly worried about them. Please. Let me feel like I can at least do _something_," I plead.

He stares at me, and his eyes soften. "Okay," he softly says.

I let out the breath I was holding and smile a bit at him. "Thank you. Now take your shirt off and lie down while I text Christina."

He smiles at me. "Sir, yes sir."

I smile a little bigger. I don't feel as guilty now. At least I know I'm helping him before I hurt him.

Tobias starts to take his shirt off and I grab my phone off the nightstand and send a quick text to Christina.

**Four will be a few minutes late. We may have had a 'discussion' about what and what isn't fair. (Aka, me not having to go because I'm your best friend. And the only exception to the 'No exceptions' rule.)**

I finish the text, and almost immediately, she texts back.

_**Good thing you texted me. I was going to be there in a matter of seconds to drag his ass out of the door. I was already on my way to your room. **_

I laugh. "She was on her way over. You should be thankful you're dating the shark's best friend, or she would be here right now, dragging you away by your ear."

I can hear him chuckle from behind me. _Right_ behind me. I spin around and find myself staring at a topless Tobias. My cheeks burn as I stare at his chiseled stomach. I force myself to look up into his eyes.

"I-I thought I told you to lay down," I manage to squeak out.

"Yeah, but then I thought '_This sounds so much better'_," he says, and for the second time today, his lips are crashing down on mine before I can register anything he just said.

I bring my hands up to his jaw/cheek area and hold his head in place as he kisses me. His body heat is overwhelming, and my mind doesn't seem to work correctly. I can't think straight.

After a few minutes, I pull back for air, but Tobias doesn't stop. Instead, he moves his lips to my neck. I gasp in surprise, and move my hands to the back of his head.

"Tobias," I whisper. "I told Christina you'd be down in a few minutes," I manage to get out.

"One little lie won't hurt anyone," he replies, going back to my neck right afterwards. This statement is what brings me back to reality. It's what makes my stomach turn again.

"Tobias, we need to stop," I breathlessly say.

He slows his lips, kissing his way up my neck, to my jaw, and finally to my lips, where he finishes off with a slow, gentle kiss. I lean my forehead against his, eyes still shut. I only let it last for a moment longer before pulling back.

"Now, you need to do what you're told," I try to scold him. It's hard to focus. My head is still spinning.

He chuckles and presses me to his naked chest. I blush.

"Or what?"

"Or-or…" I try to come up with a reason in my head, but I find it hard to think of one at the moment. "Or...I'll get Christina to come get you without putting the concealer on your back," I quietly and quickly say, feeling my face getting redder by the minute. My hands are pressed up against him, and I'm completely embarrassed by how good it feels.

He backs away almost immediately and holds his hands up. I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing. I _want _to keep touching his chest, but I shouldn't be. No. This is a good thing….right?

"Woah, woah, woah. Relax. I'm not asking for any trouble here. You don't need to get _her_ to come over here."

I smirk at his playfulness, shaking the thoughts from earlier out of my head. "C'mon pretty boy, lay down."

He smirks as well and slowly backs towards the bed. He sits on the edge of it, spins himself around, then flops down onto his stomach, turning his head to stare at me. I blush as I climb over him to get to his side.

"Am I making you nervous, Tris?" he asks, still smirking.

"Why are you suddenly so obsessed with making me nervous?" I say, evading the question. He _is _making me nervous. In fact, every time he's asked me that I've been nervous. Because of him. But I'm not going to tell him that.

His smirk grows wider. "Just curious."

I shake my head and roll my eyes, trying to be as convincing as possible. I quickly squirt some concealer out onto my fingers and expertly start to put it on. Goosebumps rise on his skin.

"That's cold!" he shouts.

I smirk and can't help but saying, "Are you sure I'm not making you _nervous, _Four?"

Now he rolls his eyes. "So we're playing _that_ game, are we?" he mumbles, just loud enough for me to hear. I smile and then turn my focus into his back.

I become completely immersed in the feel of my fingers running across his back. The slight rise and fall of his scars, the smooth skin where it's not marked, which isn't much, and finally the pure feeling of excitement that runs through my belly at the fact that he trusts me so much he lets me see him like this: vulnerable. My ears have blocked out all noise around me, and I feel my eyebrows crimping together as I slowly put on the concealer, watching the scars disappear one by one.

There is a particular one that looks so much worse than all the others. A long lash with a small square shape at the end. I trace it with the hand that doesn't have the cream on it.

"Tobias?" I shakily whisper. Apparently seeing him like this has affected me more than I thought it did.

It takes him a while to reply. "Yeah?" he whispers back.

"What's this one from?"

I feel him cringe and suck in a deep breath beneath my fingers. It takes a couple minutes, but he eventually responds. I have to lean in closer in order to hear him for his whisper is as quiet as the fan blowing air above us.

"I was 13. Some guy was making fun of my mom. Told him not to say it again, but he went for a punch instead of apologizing. I used self defense to get myself out of the situation, and when the school called Marcus they told him I didn't start it and didn't punch back, but it didn't matter. As soon as I walked through the door, the beating started. It was fine, I was used to the belt, but…."

He sighs.

"But what?" I gently prod.

He exhales and says quietly, "He used the buckle that time."

I take in a sharp breath of air and stare at the scar, mortified. Not mortified of the scar itself, but mortified at what happened to create it. Mortified at what he had to go through.

"I'm sorry," I say, but I'm not apologizing for the beating.

"Tris, listen, I appreciate your concern, but I really don't want any sympathy. What's done is done and I'm only stronger now. So please, no symp-"

"I'm not apologizing for that," I interrupt, nearly in tears.

"Tris?" he asks concerned, and turns his head back to look at me. It only makes me want to cry more.

"I'm sorry for being such a terrible girlfriend to you. I've been so caught up in what's happened to me that I haven't even been paying attention to what _you _went through."

A tear drops and I wipe it away. Tobias quickly sits up, alarm in his eyes. Before he can interrupt, I continue.

"I should've been more concerned about _you. _I've been so selfish. You're the one that's been helping me this whole time when I should've been helping you too. I mean, I haven't even asked you what your nightmares are about, or if Marcus has contacted you since he left, or how I could help you, or-"

I'm cut off by his arms. He has wrapped me into a bone crushing hug, and I struggle to breathe properly. His fingers run through my hair. I almost wrap my hands around his back, then remember that it's half covered in concealer, and move my grip to his upper arms. I hide my face in his neck and breathe in his scent. It's not until a few moments later when I realize his bare skin is the thing making me extremely overheated. The scent, heat, and skin are the factors in making my head go dizzy with overwhelming senses.

I pull back a minute later, _after_ I've composed myself. "I think it's been more than a few minutes. Turn around and I'll finish up here," I whisper so my voice won't betray me.

He does so, surprisingly. My fingers quickly work, and within three more minutes, the rest of his scars are completely covered. I let my finger run across the now-dry concealer where I know the belt buckle scar is. Right between his shoulder blades.

I'm not sure why I do it; it just seemed right. All I know is I had a rush of adrenaline, and I wasn't going to let it go to waste. Before I could think more about it, I leaned my head down and gently pressed my lips to where that scar should be. I now hear his breath catch, obviously not expecting me to do that. There is a burning fire where his skin touches my lips, even hotter than before, and instead of making me pull away, it makes me want more.

I slowly kiss all the scars I can remember. I feel his ragged breaths against my lips. When I'm done, I pull away slowly.

"You're all done now," I quietly say. I can feel my cheeks turning red at what I just did. He turns and his eyes stare intensely into mine. I swallow and turn away after a few seconds.

"I need to go, don't I?" Tobias whispers. I can still feel his eyes boring into the side of my head.

I nod slowly. His lips press against my temple. I close my eyes and sigh. He slides off the bed a moment later. I open my eyes and turn to watch him. He grabs a towel from his suitcase while I admire how different his back looks without the scars showing. He looks so much more innocent and less tainted, unlike the Tobias I know. It's crazy how scars can do that to a person.

He turns around and I flick my eyes up to meet his.

"Are you sure you'll be fine? Do you need anything before I go?"

I force a smile. Now that he's going, and my plan has so far worked, the guilt is setting back in again.

"I'm sure. Go ahead. Have fun. I'll be fine," I say as convincingly as possible.

He must buy it because he nods once, smiles, and slips out the door. Right before it closes, I hear him whisper just loud enough for me to hear, "_I love you."_

The door closes. I'm left with a genuine grin on my face, but the guilty feeling 10 times worse than before.

_I'm sorry._

I sit there for a minute or two, making sure he's not going to come back, then roll to the opposite side of the bed. I open the nightstand drawer and pull out the pen and paper I saw in there earlier. I quickly scribble out a note.

_I'm sorry. I had to. I don't have a choice. Well, I guess I do, but ever since I was given the opportunity it's been a no-brainer. I tried to reason with myself about this, I really did, but my mind won't let it go. It kills me that I had to lie to you, but I know you wouldn't have gone if I'd told the truth. I'll be back tonight….sometime. I'm not sure when. But please don't worry about me...I'll be safe. I promise._

_~You know who_

I set the pen down and examine my handiwork for a moment or two. I reread it over and over again, but the more times I read it, the guiltier I feel, so I stop. I put the pen back in the drawer, rip the piece of paper I wrote on off, and put the rest of the pad away into the drawer as well. I set the piece of paper on the center of the bed where I know he'll see it. I slip on a pair of my shoes, put my phone in my pocket, put on a casual jacket so I'm not suspicious, grab the extra keycard, and slip out the door.

I walk down the hallway until I reach Tori's room. I can hear the TV inside. I knock and wait. I hear shuffling and the door opens a moment later.

"Tris? What are you doing here?" she asks.

I shrug. "Well, everyone went downstairs to go swimming but me, so I figured I might as well talk to someone."

She raises an eyebrow. "Why didn't you go?"

"I didn't really feel like it after today...I just kind of wanted to stay up here and think about things."

Her eyebrow drops and I see guilt leak into her face. "Oh, I'm so sorry Bea. I completely forgot what today is-"

"No, don't apologize Tori. I wouldn't expect you to remember this early," I say, trying to reassure her.

She sighs and steps aside. "Come on in, Bea."

I walk inside and look around the room. Now where are the keys?

"Does Four know about today?" Tori asks as she shuts the door behind her.

"No," I say. "I didn't tell him."

She sighs. "Why not?"

"Because I've already bothered him enough," I say, being honest. "Plus, he never would've left me alone if he'd known."

She sighs again, contemplating my answer as I finally spot the keys; they're on top of the TV stand. That's where I need to get to.

"You need to tell him those things. I'm surprised he left you alone in the first place."

I shake my head, plopping down on her bed. "I convinced him to. He has friends too, Tori. He needs to spend time with them as well, not just me."

She still looks skeptical.

"Plus, Christina said she'd drag him down there by brute force if she had to."

She nods. "That suddenly makes a whole lot more sense."

I let a small laugh escape. She raises her eyebrow again.

"You seem to be doing well," she says accusingly.

"What? Can I not laugh every once in awhile without being questioned about it?"

I seem to have said the right thing. Her eyebrows drop _again _and guilt finds it's way onto her face..._again_.

"Yeah, of course Bea. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just not used to this yet."

I smile lightly at her. "That's okay. I still need to sort out my mind, so I probably won't stay for long, but I thought I should drop by."

She sits next to me and hugs me. "Of course."

I squeeze her back for a few seconds before letting go.

"So…I hear you're hanging out with Justin and Taylor again," she says.

I nod, slowly. "In a way, yeah. I guess I am. Then there's the fact that the past can't simply go away. But yes. I am."

"Just...be careful, okay? I don't want you getting hurt again."

"I can take care of myself, Tori."

She gives me a look. "Bea."

I sigh and roll my eyes. "Okay. I will."

It stays silent for a couple of minutes. Tori has turned her attention back to whatever show she was watching before. But something is nagging at me in the back of my mind.

"Hey Tori," I blurt out.

Her head turns to me. "Yes?"

"Umm…" I stumble for a few moments. "Actually, you know what? Nevermind."

Now she frowns, confused. I run my fingers through my hair.

"Well now I'm curious. Tell me, Bea."

I bite my lip. "Never mind."

"Beatrice. Please."

I stop for a moment and debate again. Tears fill my eyes.

"I'll just keep asking you until you tell me."

I close my eyes and force the tears to back out of them. I just can't help but think it's my mother I should be telling this to. It's what I always daydreamed about when I was younger. When I believed in the world.

"It's Four…" I open my eyes and take a deep breath. "He said...well, he said…" I close my eyes again. I calm myself down and try again. "He told me he loves me."

I open my eyes and look down at my lap.

"Wait- what?! When?!" I hear her frantically ask.

"Today. Or I guess, now yesterday," I add on quietly.

"And what did you say?!"

I feel my cheeks redden. "I asked him if he was sure."

I hear her sigh in disbelief and turn my head to face her.

"And what did _he _say?"

"He said he was sure and he had been for a while now," I nervously say. Tori gives me a look and I know she wants me to go on. I roll my eyes and feel my cheeks darken. "I, uh, kissed him, then changed the topic."

She falls silent for a few moments and I look away again. "Bea? What's wrong?"

I sigh. "I don't know. I mean, my first reaction was happiness, but then I felt scared."

"Why?"

I bite my lip and run it through my teeth. "I don't know, Tori…I mean, I have nothing to give him. I don't know if I love him or not. Well, I love him, but I'm not _in _love with him, if you get what I mean...I think. I'm scared because I've never been in this position before...I don't have anything to fall back on or run to for safety. I'm out in the open. I want to escape, but I don't."

I risk a glance at her. She purses her lips and I can tell she's in deep thought.

"You're scared because you've never felt like this before. You've loved people before; your parents, your friends, Caleb. But that was safe love. This is a different kind of love. Your feelings are 'out in the open'. You don't have any more safe love to 'fall back on' or 'run to for safety'. You hate feeling vulnerable, and you know as soon as you admit to these feelings you've let all of your walls down. You know that he'll be able to do anything once those feelings are out there. You know he could rip your heart out and stomp all over it if he wanted to. So you'd rather play it safe and keep it to yourself. Keep your walls up, maybe even reinforce them because of this sudden turn of events. Make sure the only thing you have left that's keeping you protected doesn't escape out and crumble the walls you so carefully built. You love him; you really do. But you don't want to admit it. Not to him, not to me, not to yourself, not to _anyone_. Because once that happens, anything could happen, and you're out of the safe zone forever."

I feel a tear slip down my cheek and quickly wipe it off. I push the heels of my hands into my eyes to force the tears back. When I finally take them off, I turn to meet Tori staring at me.

"Did I get that right?"

I bite my lip and look down at the bedspread beneath me. I hear her sigh, and her hand pats my shoulder.

"I love you, Bea, and I'm always going to want the best for you. So please take my advice and admit to yourself what you feel. You don't have to for anyone else yet. All I'm worried about is you admitting it to yourself. And once that happens, maybe we can talk about telling him. But for now, I just want you to work on admitting it to yourself."

I wait for a few moments, hesitating, then nod. It stays quiet for a few more moments. She sighs a little bit later and gets off the bed. I look up.

"I'm going to take a shower real quick. You're welcome to either stay or leave."

She smiles gently at me and slips into the bathroom a moment later. I won't do anything until I hear the shower water running. During the wait, I hurriedly try to clear my head. When the water starts, I get off the bed and go to the stand. I grab a random set of keys and stuff them in my pocket as quietly as possible. I walk towards the door, but stop at last minute and grab the other set of keys as well; I can't have them coming to look for me.

I pull the handle to exit Tori's room, and feel the guilt creep in again as soon as I do. I take my phone out of my pocket and check the time. 12:50am. Oh well. I'll be a little late. So what? If it's really that important, Justin will wait.

**PAGE BREAK**

I finally pull up to the park at exactly 1:14am. Hopefully Justin waited. I hop out of the car, lock it, and make my way into the small patch of trees behind the park where I know he will be waiting. This was where we always hung out.

I enter the small hideout we built, but abandoned later, and softly call out, "Justin?"

I hear shuffling and see a silhouette moving in the darkness.

"I actually thought you weren't going to come," I hear him say with obvious relief.

"Yeah, well, it took a little longer than expected. Now where are you?"

"Oh, sorry. I have a lighter right here."

I hear some clicks, then a light pops up. I see him leaning down to light the small bonfire we also built on fire. Soon enough, warmth and light fills the place.

"How often do you come here?" I ask him.

He shrugs. "Whenever the feeling of loss gets too strong."

I nod, not bothering to ask again how often he comes. He obviously doesn't want to divulge into that topic.

"Well it still looks the same as before I left," I say, putting an end to that topic.

He nods and sits down on the tree stump behind him, facing the fire. I follow suit and sit on another of the remaining 5 stumps. We sit and admire the fire for a couple of minutes before I remember what I actually came here for.

"As wonderful as this is, I didn't come to watch the fire and tell old tales all night," I say as kindly as I can.

"Oh, yeah! Of course! Sorry!" He flips open the inside of his jacket and pulls out the long awaited letter. Okay, maybe it's not _that _long awaited, but when you believe that it is from your dead brother and you've been waiting for more than a few hours to read it, it feels long enough.

He hands it to me and I all but rip it from his fingers. I stare at it for a long while, looking at the handwriting that is my brother's. I brush my thumb across my name and imagine my older brother hunched over a desk with a pencil in his hand, writing furiously but neatly all at the same time.

A hand sets on my shoulder and I nearly jump out of my improvised seat. I turn my head to see Justin.

"Hey, I'm going to get going. That letter is for you. I don't want to intrude. Plus, it's really none of my business anyways. I was the messenger, I delivered the message, and now my job is done," he says.

I frown. "Are you sure? I really don't mind if y-"

"I'm sure, Beatrice. Tris. That letter belongs to you. It wouldn't feel right to be here as you read it."

My frown disappears and I nod. I stand up and very gently hug him. He wraps his arms around me as well and squeezes me for a few seconds before letting go.

"Thank you, Justin. I'm sorry for earlier."

He smiles and shakes his head. "It's fine. I would've reacted the same way."

I give him a look.

"Okay, maybe not _exactly _the same, but close."

I roll my eyes and smile. "Bye Justin."

His smile grows. "I'll see you later, Tris."

He turns and walks out of the entrance. A few minutes later, I hear the faint sound of a truck starting up and driving off. I'm alone now. Completely alone. I turn my attention back to the intricate writing before me.

It takes a long time, but I eventually turn the envelope over and start to open it. I do it slowly so it hopefully won't rip. Luckily, and quite confusingly, it comes open very easy, almost like it'd just been sealed not too recently. I shake the feeling away and move to take the letter out. I pull it out slowly, watching the letters come into focus. There is no doubt about it; this is my brother's handwriting. My hands start to shake very slightly, and I take a deep breath. I close my eyes and calm my heart rate down before opening them again. I slowly inhale and exhale one more time, then begin to read the shaky paper in my hands.

_Beatrice,_

_I suppose that I should start out with the basic 'I hope you're doing well' and 'How is life?', but I don't have time for that. I really do hope you're okay, but I guess there's no way for me to tell at this point in time. _

_But no more small talk. Let's jump right in._

_Take a deep breath, and listen. Well, read, I guess I should say._

I close my eyes and do what he says. My hands are shaking more so than before, maybe because I'm nervous, or maybe it's because I'm holding the last thing that my brother gave me. I open my eyes back up and continue to read a moment later.

_I saw something I shouldn't have. Something bad. Something...life altering. It haunts my dreams every night. At this point I'm not sure if I'm even sleeping or if just living the memory on repeat. But that's not the point._

_I'm writing this at school in study hall. I plan on giving it to someone to give to you after I'm...well, after I'm gone. No, not dead. Just gone. Hopefully._

_I guess I should explain a little more, shouldn't I?_

_I contacted the police about what I saw. It turns out that what I saw was something much bigger than what I originally thought. They immediately assigned a guard to watch over me while I wasn't home (aka. Walking to and from school, going to friends', etc.). You didn't know about it. He only watches from a distance. And he is only watching me until I can leave._

_You've heard of the WPP, correct? I'm sure you have. And if you haven't, then I trust you can figure it out. You're a smart girl. _

The WPP? The WPP, the WPP, the WPP...what is the WPP?

I think for a few minutes. What could the WPP stand for in police terms? Think, Beatrice, think!

I dig deep into the depths of my brain, and just when I've about given up all hope, something pops into my mind, and I suddenly know what WPP stands for. But...oh God. What could Caleb have possibly seen in order to need the Witness Protection Program?

Instead of dwelling on this topic, I continue to read, more nervous than before.

_Anyways, they're in contact with me as of right now. I'm leaving soon. I'm not sure when exactly, but soon. The sooner the better. It's not like I __**want**_ _to leave, but it'd be the best for everyone if I'm gone. I don't want to put my family and friends at risk for something __**I **__saw. I'm not looking forward to leaving, but I am looking forward to being safe. And even more so, I'm looking forward to knowing my little sister and parents will be safe. Because I love them. I love them too much to watch them get hurt._

_I technically __**could **__tell you where I will be since you're family, but they highly advise against it. And now I see why. Because until this moment, I've never felt this much of a need to protect you. Mom and Dad, sure, them too. But they're the ones who raised us. They can take care of themselves. You, however, are still, and forever will be, my baby sister. You'll still be the little girl who climbed into my lap when you had a bad dream, and you'll still be the girl who came to me when times were really rough. And even though we aren't twins, you'll forever be another half of me. That will never change. _

_When you read this letter, please don't be mad. I'm doing what's right, even if you can't see that right now. I can only hope and pray that you will someday. Don't forget about me. And don't take for granted the time and people you're given in your life. I did, and the next second...__**poof!**_ _Everyone and everything I had was gone. Don't take too long to realize what you have. _

_So, I'm writing this on your 15th birthday...for what reason? I'm not sure. It's not like I can give you this today as a gift and say "Surprise!". But I hope you have a memorable, fun, happy birthday. I really, truly, do. _

_So since this is the last time I may be able to contact you, there's some things I need to go over. Some...rules._

_**Rule #1**__: Don't let another Eric come into your life. Don't you dare._

_**Rule #2: **__Find some true friends. Justin, Taylor, and Hailey are great, but they're not forever. Whether it's now or later, make sure you find yourself some truly amazing friends. Make sure they're always there for you, never judge, and you never feel like you'd rather be somewhere else when you're with them. Make sure you find that 'click'. Whether it's one friend or 10, I don't care. Just. Find. Them._

_**Rule #3: **__Don't let my disappearance disturb your daily life. Get through school with good grades, go to parties, have fun, live your life as you normally would. Don't let me get in the way of your happiness. And I guess that leads straight into the next rule._

_**Rule #4: **__When you think you've found the one, I will hopefully be here to meet the lucky guy. But if I'm not, here are some guidelines which he must follow. _

_**One**, he must really and truly love you. I must be able to see it in his eyes and actions. _

_**Two**, he won't get in the way of your goals and dreams. If you want kids, and he refuses to even think about it, one way or the other, it's not going to work out. I'm not saying you need to have the same exact goals, but you at least need to have the same outline for what you want your future to look like. _

_**Three**, make sure you're happy with him. If he's rich, people tend to manipulate their own minds into thinking they love them and they make them happy when in reality, they don't. Not even one bit. Just promise me you won't go for someone who doesn't make you happy, and we should be fine. _

_**Four**, make sure he's sensitive, sweet, and honest, but is strong and brave when you need him to be. He needs to be your rock. The one who you can go to about anything and not worry about judgment or a fight. Please. His personality needs to be perfect. Not he himself. Nobody's perfect, I know that. But his personality._

_**Five**, his first instinct in any situation is to protect you or any family you two might possibly have. I need to know he cares about you as much as I do. And that's a very high expectation. One that many won't be able to live up to._

_**Six**, if he ever abuses you in any way, physically, mentally, or emotionally, you get out of there. You can find a way. I know you can. There's **always **a way. Hopefully, this will never happen again. But just in case, I thought you should know that._

_**Seven**, he means his vows when he says them. If he looks like he's hesitant or half-adding it, I will object to the marriage. I swear I will find a way to object to it. Because you deserve the best of the best. And I know he's waiting out there for you somewhere, hoping to find a girl just like you. And man will he feel lucky when he finds you. **You, **my beautiful, kind, loving, funny, courageous, baby sister. **You.**_

_Now that that list is done, I only have a couple more ground rules to set before I have to go. Time is running out for me._

_**Rule #5: **__Don't fall into depression or block people out if something else dreadful happens. The time when Eric did unspeakable things to you was bad enough. Who knows how you would've been if I hadn't stepped in and said something? But if something like that happens again, I might not be there. So you have to learn to cope and deal with it on your own without resorting to the easy options. Without giving up. You're brave. You have a lot of courage. You just don't know it yet._

_And last, but not least…_

_**Rule #6: **__Remember that no matter where or how far away I am, I will always love you. I will always love you and our parents. And for you, you remember to always love us too. Sometimes you're not good at showing your love. So please make an effort to try to express it better, especially after I'm gone. There will always be somebody who loves you back-someone who needs you. Remember that._

_I know this is getting long, but I don't know how to end this. I don't want to end this. It still, after several weeks, seems all so surreal to me. Like this can't be happening. This cannot be my life. This is just a dream, and I'll wake up soon. But it __**is **__real, and it __**is**_ _happening, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I wish I could turn back time and make myself unsee what got me into this mess in the first place, but until scientists somehow make time traveling a possibility, I can't do that. _

_So...goodbye, I guess. At least for now. I hope you get everything in life that you have ever dreamed of. You deserve it. I love you so, so, so, so much. _

_Sincerely,_

_Your brother, Caleb_

I feel tears dripping down my face as a ripple of pains surges through my chest. This feeling is familiar. The feeling of loss. It's hitting me all over again. And it hurts just as bad as the first time.

I continue to cry as the ripples move through my chest and make my heart feel as if it will explode. This lasts for several minutes and I can't help but think about what he said.

What did Caleb see? What could he have possibly have seen in order for the Witness Protection Program to step in? I can't believe that Caleb was going through all of this and I didn't even _notice._ I feel terrible, as if I've failed at being a good sister. I mean, seriously, how could something that big just slip through my fingertips?

It's really messing with my mind right now. To think that even if the wreck hadn't happened that day, Caleb would still be missing from my life. He'd be somewhere halfway across the world, hiding until it was safe to come out. I wonder how I would have dealt. How I would have taken the news this letter carried if he had lived. If everyone had lived. I wonder what my life would have been like in that alternate universe...would I have forgotten about Caleb? How he smelled, the way he talked, his constant need to protect me that I found annoying, but cute? Maybe so. Maybe I would feel the same then as I feel now.

But this is all just a matter of 'what if'. And I can't do what-ifs anymore.

I feel a vibrating in my pocket. I desperately gasp for air between my sobs and try to clear my vision up as much as possible. I take my phone out. Tobias is calling. The pain in my chest only feels worse as I leave it to ring. I can't face him right now. I don't want him to get worried. Well, more worried than he already is, that is.

The ringing barely stops when it starts to vibrate. _Again._ This time I forward him to my voicemail on the second ring. There. That should be enough for him for now. Now at least he knows I'm still breathing.

I wait for a few seconds in case it starts to ring again, but it seems I was right. It's enough to get by with for now. I check the time, then put it back into my pocket. 1:45am.

I start to read through Caleb's letter again, and again, and again. I can't get enough of his words. I don't know how many times I read through it. I snap out of it when I see a water droplet fall onto the paper. I immediately yank my face back and wipe the tears off my cheeks, not wanting to stain the letter again.

I fold the letter back up carefully, and pick the envelope up from the ground. As I pick it up, though, something flutters out. I curiously pick up the slip of paper. I see numbers. 11 of them.

_65347755391_

I frown, confused. I flip it over looking for another clue. I find four words that only confuse me more.

_Astern. Three dashes. Dial._

Astern...astern...astern…what does astern mean again? I frown, thinking. And suddenly it comes to me. Caleb has mentioned it before. Astern is a synonym for backwards. So he wants me to flip the numbers around? How is that going to help me? What's with the three dashes? And dial? Dial _what _exactly?

I try to do what I know. 6, 5, 3, 4, 7, 7, 5, 5, 3, 9, and 1. So, 1 for the beginning.

I try to lay it all out in my head, but find it difficult to remember which order they're in with just my memory. I look around for something, _anything, _to write with, but find nothing. The fire light is too dim to see. It looks like I'll have to go back to the car to search.

I put the letter back in the envelope, put the slip of paper with the numbers into my pocket, and set the envelope down on the stump as I stand up. I grab the homemade cover we created to put fires out and set it on top of the current fire. I impatiently wait for it to burn out. When it does, I grab the envelope and rush out to the car. I unlock it and hurry in, looking for something to write with. I eventually find a pen and start to look for scrap paper. I don't find any. I think about using the envelopes, then decide against it. I guess I'll just use my hand.

I put the envelope in the center console, and grab the slip of paper out of my pocket. I set it on top of the dashboard and refer to it as I write on my hand the reverse order of the numbers. When I'm done I have 19355774356 on the back of my hand. It still does not wipe away any confusion for me because three dashes is the next clue, and what does that mean? Put three dashes in the numbers? But where? Why?

I groan in frustration and chuck the pen towards the back of the car. I angrily shove the piece of paper back into my pocket just as my phone starts to vibrate again. I hastily pull it out and see Tobias is calling again. I let it ring out and check the time. 2:26am. No wonder he's calling again. It's been nearly an hour since his last call. It starts to ring again, but I toss it into the passenger's seat to let it ring out again for as many times as he calls. I put the keys in the ignition and let the air warm me up.

"I hope you're happy now, Caleb. I hope this is making your birthday day even more entertaining than normal," I say out loud.

I try to think about what '_Three dashes_' means, but I find it hard to concentrate with the constant vibrating in the other seat.

"Shut up!" I yell and grab my phone, fully prepared to shut it off. But something stops me. Something I didn't see before. Something simple. Something I should have known.

"It's a phone number," I whisper, looking at the eleven digits of Tobias' phone number. "Oh my God. It's a phone number."

I snap out of my trance and wait for it to ring out. When it does, I quickly unlock it and start dialing the numbers written on the back of my hand. I shakily press the green call button, and hold it up to my ear. It rings four times, and I start to think that maybe I was wrong, maybe it's not a phone number at all, when the ringing stops and the person on the other line picks up.

"Hello?"

I feel my face pale. It takes everything in me to get the next word out.

"Caleb?"

**Tobias' POV**

"Now the line is busy," I say frustrated to Tori and end the call, tossing my phone onto the table in front of us.

When we got done swimming, I went back up to the room. I was waiting to tell Tris about how the gang all looked at me like I was crazy when I took my shirt off. But when I opened the door, there was no sound. I thought that maybe she was sleeping, but when I checked the bed, there was no blonde headed, petite, blue-gray eyed girl there. No. Instead, there was a note from this blonde headed, petite, blue-gray eyed girl. A note explaining that she was sorry she lied, that she left because she didn't have a choice, that she'll be back sometime tonight, she doesn't know when, but not to worry because she'll be safe. She promises.

_Because she promises she'll be safe. _

Yeah, like that eases my conscious at all.

I immediately went to Tori's room and told her what I found. Showed her. Tori, in turn, ducked back into her room. I heard her moving things around, shuffling from place to place, and then silence. That's when she came to the door, a scared look on her face. That's when she told me that the keys to both cars were gone, that she could be anywhere at this point. That's when my worry and anger towards Tris reached their peak. Or, what I thought was my peak. Now it seems I was wrong. It looks like _now_ they're reaching their peak_._

"Just try to relax, Four," Tori says as she sits beside me on the lobby couch. "If she said she'll come back tonight, she'll come back."

"How do we know that though, Tori? How can we be sure she'll come back tonight? How do we even know that she's _safe_? If she won't answer her phone, fine, but she could at least forward me to voicemail again!" I angrily say.

Her hand sets on my shoulder. A cup of coffee appears in my vision. I sigh and take the cup from her hands. I take a sip, allowing the heat to burn my tongue. Allowing it to help fuel my anger.

"There's no way to know for sure. We just have to trust her at this point. We have to trust that she knows what she's doing," she gently says. I know I should calm down. I know I should listen to Tori. But I can't. Not when Tris lied to me. Again.

"Trust _her?_ Trust the girl who _lied _to us? Trust the girl who _constantly _lies to _me? _Yeah," I snort. "Sounds completely logical. Let's all just throw our lives on her shoulders while we're at it. Let's trust that she knows what she's doing."

"Hey," Tori sternly barks at me. I turn my head to look at her while I gulp down my coffee. "This _girl_ just so happens to be your girlfriend_._"

I take a moment to drink the rest of my coffee and clutch the cup in my hand so tight my knuckles turn white. I know I should hold my tongue. Stop before I can say something I regret. But my anger gets the best of me as I open my mouth.

"Yeah, well, maybe not anymore if she keeps doing this."

Tori's hand falls off my shoulder as I stand up to go throw my coffee cup away. I desperately want to punch something. I need something to release my anger on. If I keep it in, it's only going to build, and when Tris gets back it'll slip out. And I don't want that to happen. I look around for something, _anything_, to punch, but I find nothing that would be considered appropriate for that.

I slowly go back to where Tori is still silently sipping her coffee. What I just said finally hits me and I feel guilt mix with my anger and worry as I fall down onto the couch across from her. She doesn't look up as she speaks to me.

"I'd suggest getting your anger in tune and start trusting that she knows what she's doing, or you're going to do some real damage, and end up saying that to Tris instead of me."

I exhale and feel some relief flood through me. So she knows I didn't really mean that. But at that moment, I also feel regret mix in with my emotions as well, and it's only fueling the fire inside me more. I manage to keep my mouth shut and stare at the phone in front of me, praying for a sign. A sign that I don't have to keep worrying. A sign that she's okay. A sign that she will come back.

But it never rings.

**Okay! So….am I evil, or am I evil? *smiles devilishly* **

**This is one **_**long **_**chapter, and even though a lot happened in this one, a lot more is to come in chapters ahead! I can't wait to start on that!:D**

**Anyways….I'm sorry again for the long wait! Thank you for being patient with me! To tell you the truth, I've literally had little to no time to work on this chapter...I've actually been typing the last part up here for about an hour...on a Sunday night….that's now Monday because it's 1am...yeah. So that's how my life's been going. Hope you guys have had a lot less stressful school year than I have so far.**

**Okay! Let's shoot for 530 reviews, 300 favorites, and 350 follows! I think that sounds pretty reasonable, right? 10 reviews, 1 favorite, and 1 follower….right? Well, I guess only time will tell! **

**I have to go to sleep now since I have several projects due this week along with presentations and oral reports...so goodnight! Please leave me feedback! Positive or not, it always helps!:D**


	36. Chapter 35

**Thank you so much for your support everybody! It means a lot! :D**

**So let's jump right in!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Divergent series because...well...unless I somehow am given enough money to buy it, then I don't. Which won't happen.:/**

_**Earlier…**_

"_It's a phone number," I whisper, looking at the eleven digits of Tobias' phone number. "Oh my God. It's a phone number."_

_I snap out of my trance and wait for it to ring out. When it does, I quickly unlock it and start dialing the numbers written on the back of my hand. I shakily press the green call button, and hold it up to my ear. It rings four times, and I start to think that maybe I was wrong, maybe it's not a phone number at all, when the ringing stops and the person on the other line picks up._

"_Hello?"_

_I feel my face pale. It takes everything in me to get the next word out._

"_Caleb?"_

**Tris' POV**

**Chapter 35**

I feel tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Beatrice?!"

"Oh my God, is that you, Caleb?!"

"It's me! It's me! Oh my God, it's you!"

I can hear him crying on the other end of the receiver, something that is - was - no - _is_ really rare for him.

"I-I don't understand..." I manage to get out.

"I know - I know you don't. I'll explain everything in a bit. But for now I just want to hear your voice. I never thought I'd hear it again," he replies, choked up.

"_You _thought you'd never hear _my_ voice again?! What about me?! What do you think _I _thought?!" I nearly yell, feeling a bit of anger rush in.

"I know, and I'm sorry-"

"Wait-how do I know this is _really _you and not some computer generated crap? Or someone that just sounds like you?" I say, already doubting this.

"Ask me a question that only the real Caleb would know. I promise I can prove it to you. I have papers, if that's what you want. I have all the documents and identity papers."

I pause for a moment. Now that the initial shock is partially over, more doubt is creeping into my veins. "How did you get my attention that day when I told you what Eric did to me?"

"I cursed," he says immediately.

I think of another. "What were the three clues you gave me in order to call you?"

"Astern. Three dashes. Dial."

I pause again, trying to think of another one.

"Beatrice, I swear it's me! Please believe me! I'll explain everything!"

"It can't be you," I whisper.

"It _is _me! I promise you!" He sounds like he's nearly in tears again. "I lost you for two years; please don't leave again!"

"It can't be you! I saw you! You were dead!" My voice cracks. "Your heart wasn't beating!"

"I can explain that, Beatrice! But first you have to believe me!"

"I spent the last two years believing - _knowing _that you were dead! I had dreams that my reality was a dream! Dreams where you, and Mom, and Dad were all alive! Then I would always wake up to find the same thing: it wasn't real! You were dead! You were never coming back! I finally started to move on, and then in a blink of an eye, somehow, I'm speaking to my brother again! Who is supposed to be _dead_!"

"I know! I'm sorry! Please believe me! I don't have a long time to explain, so please at least give me a chance to do it!" He's crying now.

I feel tears of my own streaming down my face as I think. Then eventually, I come to a conclusion.

"Okay. Go."

He sighs in relief. "I'll start from the beginning. That letter I wrote you - you read it, right?"

"Yes, of course I did," I reply while wiping my cheeks.

"Then you know I was writing that before we left for the aquarium on your 15th birthday. And you know I was going to leave under the protection of the Witness Protection Program."

"Yes," I sniffle out.

"I put the envelope with its contents under my desk in a secret drawer. I had no idea the wreck would happen. And it's true, you were right. I was dead. My heart did stop beating. But only for a little bit. Little do you know I saw you right before they sedated you. We both went to the same hospital, but I went to an extremely private ward. I healed up as much as I could in four days, then the WPP told me that the wreck was not an accident."

I frown and squint through the tears. "The wreck wasn't an accident?"

He takes a deep, shaky breath. "No. It wasn't. I don't think I have to explain that topic anymore, do I?"

I let out a sob, not believing what I'm hearing.

"No. I didn't think so. They gave me two choices. One was to stay there with you and Tori because of the unexpected deaths of Mom and Dad. They said that would be really risky, as they already killed half of the people in my family. The other choice was to stage my death, address the car wreck as a drunk driving accident, and leave right then and there without telling anybody. Not even you. I chose the second one, as you probably already know. I'd rather have you think I'm dead and live without me than live with me and constantly have both of us be worried about whether you will get hurt or not."

I'm crying hard now. I put the phone on speakerphone and set it on the dashboard in front of me. It's just a listening game now.

"When I was being led out of the hospital to go pack my things, they told me you'd woken up. I sat outside your door the whole time they told you your whole family was dead. I sat there and listened to yours and Tori's cries, and it absolutely ripped me apart. That's when I knew I couldn't leave you alone forever. So when I went home, I quickly scrawled out my new phone number backwards and left a couple clues along with it. I couldn't give you the exact number in case it fell into the wrong hands. I stuffed that into the envelope with the letter and sealed it. I gave it to Andrea White. I knew she was the only one I could really trust not to tell anyone. I knew she would understand.

I gave her the instructions to help deliver it to you when the time was right."

"An-Andrea?" I choke out.

"Yes, Andrea. Justin and Taylor's mom?" he asks as if I don't already know.

"Caleb...she's dead. Andrea passed away about a month ago."

There's silence on the other end for a moment. "Why?"

"Cancer."

Silence. "Then who gave you the letter?"

"Justin. But he said he got it in the mail yesterday morning, so the real question is, who had it after Andrea passed away?"

He's incredibly silent, then he shakily says, "I trust her. She would've given it to someone who was responsible, knew us well enough to understand our situation, and wouldn't tell."

"I trusted her, too," I say.

He takes a deep breath. "Well, how are the Whites' handling it?"

"Justin is keeping his mind off it. He's taking care of Taylor and Makayla. Taylor is a bit depressed, and Makayla's too young to quite understand what's happening."

"Wait-Justin is taking care of them?"

"Caleb, this is a story for another time. Please, keep explaining this to me," I desperately say.

"Right." He clears his throat, trying to compose himself. I wipe the continuous stream of tears onto the back of my hand as he continues. "Anyways...I left right after I made that trip to the Whites' home. The WPP told me they would keep me updated on how you and Tori were as much as possible, and how you were handling it." He falls silent again.

"Then what?" I ask.

"That's it. I got to where I was supposed to live for the next however many years it took to catch the people behind what I saw."

I wipe my cheeks again.

"You tried to commit suicide?" I hear him quietly ask.

I choke and sputter on my own spit. "W-what? Who...when…"

"The WPP," he says as if that explains everything.

I take a few moments to compose myself. "Yes. But I would never try it again, so you can let it go."

"God, Beatrice." I hear the desperation in his voice. "What if you had succeeded? I may as well have committed suicide too! I wouldn't have been able to live without you knowing I was a partial cause of that!"

"Listen to yourself, Caleb! Put yourself in my shoes! After you supposedly died, I had no friends left! I had no family left! You have no idea how many I times I prayed asking for you! That if only one person from my family could come back to life, let it be Caleb! I thought you were _dead_! No, I _knew _you were dead! We had the death certificates to prove it! I had my memory! It still haunts me close to every night!"

I hear him exhale, defeated. "Let's just be glad that Tori stopped you in time and leave it at that, okay?"

I nod and choke back another sob. "Okay."

"Listen, I'm running out of time here. You called at the perfect time."

"Caleb, what do you mean you're running out of time?!" I panic.

"I only have a certain amount of time on the phone with you. But I have some news."

I sniffle and say, "Tell me then."

"They caught the gang behind what I witnessed."

I'm stunned into silence for a couple moments. "What...what does that mean?"

"It means I can come home."

A sob escapes me. "You're messing with me. This can't be happening. Not for real."

"It _is _happening. I promise you, this is _not_ a dream. This is _really _happening."

I cover my mouth and let out a couple more cries. "When?"

"I'm not too totally sure, but I think sometime within the next week."

"_What?!" _I can't help but exclaim.

"Listen, I know this is a lot to dump on you in a little amount of time, and I'm sorry. And I know it'll take awhile to get this wrapped around your head, but I am coming to live with you and Tori. I promise. It's all clear. I'm safe. You're safe. We can see each other again."

I shake my head in disbelief. "This can't be happening. This isn't real."

"I promise you, it is. All I need to know is the exact address you're living at now. The WPP told me you moved, but never told me where."

"I-I can't even...I don't…." I'm in a state of shock right now. An hour ago-not even quite an hour- I was sobbing my eyes out over what I thought was the last piece of my brother. Now I'm talking to him and could quite possibly be seeing him _in_ _person_ in a _week_.

"I know you're in shock right now, Beatrice. I would be too. But you need to give me the address."

I blink a few times. "1664 Diversey Avenue, Chicago, Illinois," I say from memory.

"You moved to Chicago?"

"Yes. Where'd you go to? Can you tell me?"

"Technically, you're the _only _one I can tell since you're the only immediate family I have left. I'm in Brisbane."

I frown. "Brisbane? As in Brisbane, _Australia?_"

"Yes, exactly."

I let out a low whistle. "That's a little ways away. They really take that stuff seriously."

"Of course they do. They have to." Voices come from around Caleb and silence fills the line for a few seconds. Then he comes back on. "Okay, listen Beatrice, you cannot tell _anyone_ this information or mention my whereabouts."

"What about Tori?"

"I will let you know when you're allowed to tell her. But for now, the WPP is still keeping this under lock and key surveillance. You legally may not tell anyone what you know. Not even about my letter - it would be too easy to figure out."

"Okay…." I say, then pause. "You will call me again, won't you?"

"I can't promise anything, but I will try. I can text you when I'm free that way you can move to a safe place before you call. But don't count on it."

I exhale and shake my head again. "Tell me again why this isn't a dream."

Caleb lightly laughs and says, "I know how you're feeling. I feel the same way."

I repeatedly shake my head to myself. "I can't believe this is happening."

I hear voices in the background again, silence, then Caleb comes back on.

"Listen, I've gotta go. But I will see and talk to you, hopefully, very soon. And hopefully by then we will both be able to reassure ourselves that this is happening. I love you so much, Beatrice Edith Prior. So much."

I feel tears start to run down my cheeks again. "I love you too, Caleb James Prior. So much. Oh, and, happy birthday!" I try to say as enthusiastically as possible.

Voices again. "Thank you, Beatrice. But I have to go. Goodbye, I love you!"

The line goes dead before I get the chance to respond.

"I love you too," I whisper.

Is this actually happening? Is this my reality right now? It feels like it. But it seems impossible that something that awful would have happened to Caleb or that they could solve that so quickly.

I shakily set my phone down beside me and start the car up completely. I start to drive away and make it halfway to the hotel when bubbles of anger, grief, and fear hit me all at once. I let out a scream of frustration, praying that if this is a dream I will wake up. Like, right now. Because if it is a dream, and I let it go on long enough to see Caleb, I'm going to go crazy. Mentally, emotionally. I'm constantly going to be on edge like I am now, falsely believing my whole life is a lie. But if this somehow isn't a dream, I pray that Caleb _will _come home. _Safe_. And I pray that he'll be just as happy about what I've done in my life as I am. Well, happy about the parts that I _should _be happy about, anyways.

Tears slip down my cheeks and I hurriedly wipe them away and try to compose myself.

_The wreck wasn't an accident._

_The wreck wasn't an accident._

_The wreck wasn't an accident._

I let out another scream as the words replay in my head. To know that two years ago, Caleb was sitting right outside my hospital room listening as they told me that my family was gone….to know that he was so close to me when I thought he was the farthest he could get...I can't comprehend it. I can't even _begin_ to wrap my head around it.

Before I know it, 20 minutes have passed and I'm somehow in the parking lot in front of the hotel. I stare out the windshield, still thinking. My vision gets blurrier as the minutes pass by and I know tears are working their way out. I let them fall. I'm not sure whether they're the works of fear, anger, guilt, shock, happiness, or sadness. Or maybe they're the works of all of them. I'm not sure anymore.

I let them fall for a couple minutes more, then wipe them off and push the heels of my hands into my eyes so I can get the tears to (hopefully) retract.

_Caleb is coming home, Tris. He's coming home. Focus on that. Not on anything else. Just that._

I take my hands off and take a deep breath in. I exhale slowly.

_Now I have something else to worry about. Like how I'm going to explain this to Tobias and Tori. They're most likely going to be up._

I take another breath and shakily get out of the car. I grab the letter, the slip of paper that goes with it, my phone, and both sets of keys and shut the car door. I stash the letter and paper into a hidden pocket inside of my jacket and put the keys and phone in my outer pocket. I close my eyes.

_You can do this. You've lied already, it's not like you can do anymore damage...right?_

I take a shaky breath and make my way towards the door. I mentally prepare myself as I open the door. I release the breath I was holding as I'm not attacked right away. I look to my left and see the backs of Tori and Tobias. I let the door close silently behind me and quietly walk a little bit towards them. I hear them quietly exchanging words and stop to listen.

"She'll be back, Four. Stop worrying."

"I mean no offense Tori, but when you tell me to stop worrying it only makes me worry more."

I hear her sigh. "If you keep staring at that phone like you are, I'm afraid your eyes are going to dry up completely. At least blink."

Ignoring her, he says, "Why didn't she just tell me where she was going? Why doesn't she trust me?"

I hear the shake in his voice and my stomach drops.

"_I __**do**_ _trust you, Tobias. I do," _I want to say, but I can't form the words.

Tori sighs again and takes a sip of what I'm guessing is coffee. "What you need to understand about her, Four, is that she gets confused sometimes. She trusts you, she does. I can see it in her eyes when she talks about you that she trusts you with her whole heart."

"She talks about me?" he asks.

My cheeks redden. Thank you Tori for divulging that information.

"Yes. She does. She came and saw me today before she...left...and told me about you guys. I could see in her eyes that she trusted you and cared about you, but that she was also confused. She spends so much time in her head that sometimes she doesn't know what feelings are right or wrong, real or not real. Her head and heart are at two different places. She's complicated and difficult to understand, I know that, and she often times feels like she is still alone, or needs to be alone. These past two years have been so rough for her, as I'm sure she's told you already, so for her to find something or some_one_ who makes her feel this happy scares her. So sometimes she pulls back without any warning, or lashes out when you didn't do anything wrong. She goes back and forth and back and forth. But what I need you to know, what _she _needs you to know, but will never dig up the words to tell you, is that she doesn't mean it when she does those things. She needs you, more than anything else. She'll always need you."

It falls silent and my stomach keeps twisting and turning as I realize what she said is true. I just wish I had realized this earlier.

"I just wish she showed me she trusted me because I'm still not sure what to think sometimes," is his reply.

"I know," she says quietly. "Me too."

My stomach drops again in guilt and I know he's right; I should have told him. But now I'm glad I didn't. What would I have said? What _will_ I say? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. My head spins and I take a deep breath and release it silently several times, trying to get a hold of myself.

I consider just going straight up to our room and gathering my thoughts there, alone, but then I realize that's probably not the best idea.

"I'm worried. It's been almost three hours. Where is she, Tori?" Tobias asks almost painfully.

She doesn't answer. I suppose there's nothing for her to answer to. But that's finally a question that I _can_ answer.

"Behind you," I quietly say.

Both of their heads whip around and within two seconds Tori is up and off the couch, squeezing me. I so badly want to scream out, "_Caleb is alive! He's coming back home! He's alive!" _but I know I can't, so I don't. I just wish I could tell someone this information to release the pressure from my chest.

She releases me and I take a second to look over her shoulder at Tobias. He's standing up; his posture looks relieved, but when I look into his eyes I see confusion, anger, suspicion, and worry. It makes my stomach drop even more.

"Where were you?! I was so worried!" Tori nearly yells, forcing me to look back at her again.

"I'm sorry, I-" I start, but she cuts me off.

"You know what? I don't want to know. As long as you're okay, I'm okay. I know you wouldn't have done something like this without good reason. So give me back the keys, promise me you won't do it again, and you don't have to tell me."

I sigh and reach into my pocket to grab the keys. I give them to her. She immediately pockets them.

"You're okay?"

I nod, half listening, half thinking.

"Bea. Look at me."

I do so. Her eyes are soft.

"You _are _okay, right?"

I nod again, more forcefully this time. "I'm okay."

She sighs and brings me into another short hug.

"Get some rest, figure out your head. If you need to talk, you know where to find me."

I nod again, still only half listening. She kisses the top of my head motherly-like. "I love you sweetie."

_It wasn't an accident._

"I love you too, Tori."

She squeezes my arms once before letting go. She smiles once at me, then turns and walks toward the elevator. I watch her until she disappears around the corner. I feel anxiety set in at the thought of being alone with Tobias - not because I'm afraid of him, but because I know my actions will have consequences, and I'm afraid to see what I screwed up.

I continue to stare at the corner Tori disappeared behind, debating whether or not I should run to the elevators too and avoid this conversation. But I know that isn't the best idea. This conversation will happen sometime - it's inevitable. I may as well get it over with now.

"Tris?" Tobias finally says in a quiet, subdued voice. Great. He only gets this quiet when he's steaming. But then again, what did I expect? I heard him talking to Tori; I know he's mad.

I flick my eyes over and meet his.

"Can we go outside for a minute?"

In other words, he knows he might explode and doesn't want to be kicked out of the hotel for it.

I nod, even though I'd much rather be doing anything else at the moment; drinking bleach sounds better than this conversation, to be honest.

I hug my jacket tighter around myself as I follow him out the doors. He leads me to the back of the hotel into a secluded alleyway. I stay as close as I think is considered appropriate at this moment. I won't lie - alleys kind of give me the creeps.

He stops and turns around to face me. "Okay. First things first…"

He takes a few steps towards me and gathers me into his arms. One hand goes around my lower back while the other cradles the back of my head and presses it into his chest. I rest my head on his shoulder and wrap my arms around his middle.

"I'm glad you're okay," he says, and kisses the hair on top of my head.

I take a deep breath, inhaling his scent. I wait a few minutes before saying, "And why wouldn't I be okay?"

He drops his arms from around me; I follow a moment later.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because you disappeared in the middle of the night and didn't even have the decency to answer your phone?"

Oh boy, Tris. Don't say it. Don't be stubborn. Don't say it, don't say it, don't sa-

"I can take care of myself, Four! I knew what I was doing!"

His eyes instantly harden. I want to bang my head into the brick wall next to me.

"Yeah, you obviously knew what you were doing! You developed a pretty solid plan full of manipulative lies in order to do whatever you were planning to do!"

I stay silent. What am I supposed to say to that?

He rolls his eyes at my silence and runs his fingers through his hair. "Tell me, since when did you know you were going to do this?! Huh?!"

I wince. "Look, Four, I've only known since right before we went to the cemetery-"

"You think that gives you an excuse, Tris?!" He pauses for a minute. "Justin told you to do it, didn't he? That's what you two were talking about after I went out the door!"

I fall silent, shocked for a moment. Then I snap back into it. "He didn't _tell _me to do anything! He gave me a choice! He-"

"Oh, he gave you a _choice, _did he? Well that makes me feel _so _much better! He gave you a _choice_!"

I shake my head at him. "What are you talking about, Four?! What are you so upset about?!"

He exhales in disbelief and rolls his eyes again. "Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that you chose him over your own damn boyfriend!"

I close my eyes and shake my head again, trying to figure him out. "Chose him over you…" My eyes snap open. "Justin is just a friend, Four! I didn't choose anybody over anybody!"

He snorts. "Took you long enough," he mumbles. I'm not sure if I was supposed to hear that. "Just a friend, huh? So 'just friends' sneak out in the middle of the night, drive to another town to see them, and don't tell anybody about what they're doing _just _to see each other?"

My jaw drops open. "You're joking, right?! Is that what you think I was doing?!"

He scoffs. "Well I sure don't see you denying it."

My eyes fill with tears, but I try to blink them away. "It wasn't like that, Tobia-"

"Then what was it like, Tris?!" He looks so angry, so confused; a tear drops against my will.

"He had to give me something - something important. That's why I left. Not because I was going to see Justin, but to get the thing," I say to try and start explaining.

"And what was this _thing_, huh? What was so important that you had to leave in the middle of the night in secret to go get?"

I open my mouth to tell him. I want to tell him. But Caleb's voice rings through my head.

"_You legally may not tell anyone what you know. Not even about my letter - it would be too easy to figure out."_

"He had to give me a letter." There. That's what I can tell him. But I can't tell him anything more than that without breaking the rules; well, actually, I can't tell him more without breaking the _law._

"And who was this letter from?"

"I-I can't tell you," I quietly say.

His eyes narrow. "You can't or you won't?"

"I _can't!_" I exclaim with a few more tears dripping down my cheeks. I don't bother wiping them off.

"Well, does Justin know what it is? Who it's from?"

I stare at him in disbelief. "Why do you keep dragging Justin back into this conversation?! He has _nothing _to do with this!"

"Just answer my question, Tris!" he yells.

I take a shaky breath. "Yes, he does, but he doesn't know anything else."

"So he knows who it's from? He knows what you refuse to tell me?"

"I'm not _refusing _to tell you! I _can't!_ He only knows who it's from because he was the one who had it in the first place!"

He scoffs again. "Somehow, I don't believe you."

I shake my head at him as the tears keep rolling. "Justin is only a _friend. _He has always just been a _friend_. Nothing more, nothing less. I only want _you. _You've _got_ to believe me," I cry.

"How am I supposed to believe you when all you've done lately is lie to me?!"

I swallow back a sob. "I'm _sorry_, okay? You have no idea how sorry I am. I know I should've told you; I know that. But it's good I didn't."

His mouth forms a straight line. "So you're saying that you're happy you lied to me?"

Great choice of wording, Tris. "No! That's not what I'm saying! I'm saying that it's good I didn't tell you because then you would've insisted to come with me! If you came with me then you would have known, and nobody else is supposed to know!"

"Supposed to know what? What am I not supposed to know?!"

I cover my mouth and let out a couple sobs. "I can't tell you."

He rolls his eyes and angrily runs his fingers through his hair again. "Of course you can't. Why would you be able to?"

"No, you don't understa-"

"Then help me, Tris! Help me understand!"

I take another shaky breath. "Please believe me when I say this, okay? Promise that you'll believe me?"

He stares at me. "I don't think I can promise you anything about your honesty at this moment."

I close my eyes as the sting of his blow hits me. I keep them closed as I say, "I legally cannot tell you, or anyone else, what I know. At least, not for another week or so." I want to punch myself for the last comment. Why did I have to add that on?

I open my eyes after a few moments of silence. His are wide, full of both confusion and disbelief.

"So…..let me get this straight," he finally says. "You can't tell me what you disappeared in the middle of the night for because it's _illegal?_"

I nod slowly. His jaw clenches.

"What the _hell _did you get yourself into, Tris?" His voice is still angry and confused, but more gentle than before.

"I...I don't exactly know," I honestly say. I _don't _know what I'm getting myself into. I _don't_ know what's going to happen. I have _no idea_. I don't have a _slightest clue_ about any of this.

He's silent for a couple minutes. "So does Justin know about this?"

I let out a frustrated breath of air. "Why do you keep bringing him back into this?! He has nothing to do with it, okay?! He is _just _a _friend_! Nothing else! And, no! He doesn't know about any of this! He stayed there long enough to give me the letter and that's it! I may be a lot of things Four, but I am not a cheater; I may be a liar, and a stubborn brat, and a selfish little girl, but I am _not _a cheater! I'm not asking for a lot here, Four! I'm only asking you to trust me on this! To trust that I'm telling you the truth about this! What about that is so hard?!"

His eyes harden. "You want _me _to trust _you._ To trust you about the one thing that bothers me the most. To trust someone who constantly lies to me in order to get her way. To trust someone who randomly disappears only to come back and act as if nothing happened."

I swallow hard and try to keep the tears at bay as he takes a few steps towards me. He grabs my arms tightly. The grip isn't tight enough to hurt me, but tight enough to let me know that it's his turn to talk and my turn to listen. He speaks in a hostile tone that I've only ever heard him use once, and that was when he was talking about Marcus.

"I don't think I can do that anymore. I don't think I can just keep pretending that everything is okay and I'm not bothered by the fact that you think it's fine to lie to me and disappear without telling anyone where you're going. I don't think I can keep doing that. So listen here - I'm bothered that you lie to me. I'm bothered that you keep brushing important topics off as if they aren't a big deal. I'm bothered that you think it's okay to treat me as if I'm nothing more than just another person in your life. I'm bothered that you won't come to me if something emotionally, mentally, or physically happens to you and instead, try to cover it up. I'm bothered that you drag people into things they don't want to do."

Tears fall from my face as he talks. As I stare into his eyes, I know that I messed up big this time. I've gotten away with other white lies before, but I know that this one can't be fixed with just an '_I'm sorry'_ or an '_I won't do it again. I promise.' _It's something that made a huge, unrepairable hole. And this time, I'm afraid it can't be fixed at all.

His voice goes softer. "I'm not saying that I don't care about you, because you know I do, and I always will. But right now I'm so angry, and so confused, and so..._frustrated _by the fact that you played everyone into your little plan. I honestly don't know if anything you've just told me is the truth." He pauses for a moment. "Do you want to know why I keep bringing Justin back up?"

He falls silent for a moment, and I realize that he's waiting for me to reply. He's waiting for a signal that I'm still listening. I nod and wait for the next blow.

"Because I'm afraid."

I frown and try to see through my tears.

"I'm afraid that you'll see more in him than you ever will me, and you'll leave me."

I shake my head and start to say something, but he cuts me off.

"Maybe I wouldn't be so afraid if I knew you were honest with me all the time, or maybe even if you were just honest with me when it mattered the most. But you aren't, and you continue to lie to me even when I ask if you're telling the truth. You have no idea how much that hurts, Tris. And I doubt you even thought about how it would affect everyone else when you just left like that. Did you?"

More tears stream down my face as I realize he's right. I only thought about how guilty _I _felt, how sick _I _felt, how remorseful _I _felt- never about him or Tori.

There will be no fixing this.

"That's what I thought."

I can't fix this.

He takes a deep breath. "I'll give you three choices. One: you tell me everything that happened tonight, including what you and Justin talked about, what that letter said, and what you know."

More tears stream down. Choice number 1 is out of the question; I can't do that.

"Two: you choose: me, or Justin."

I choke back a sob. I can't do that. I can't, I can't, I can't. I can't drop someone who's stayed by my side throughout my entire childhood out of my life like that. _Especially _after his mother just passed away and he's going through a rough time. Why can't Tobias understand that?

"Or three-"

I can tell by the way a few hidden tears creep up into his eyes that this one is the hardest for him to say. This option is out of the question as well.

"You let what we have go to waste, and you walk out of this relationship right here, right now."

My stomach drops. I know I should take the easy one - or at least, the one that seems easiest to him. But I can't.

My stomach twists and turns more and more as the silence drags on. He's staring at me, waiting for an answer.

I let out a sob and put my hands up to cradle his face. I cry again as I say, "I can't. I can't tell you what I know; I'm under law not to tell. I can't choose between my boyfriend and one of my best friends, especially when he's going through part of what I went through. And I can't let you go. I can't. I won't. I need you."

His eyes look like a barrier for his emotions came over them. They're so hard I barely recognize them. He lets go of my arms and takes a step back. I reach for his hand.

"Tobias, please-"

He swats my hand away. "No. You don't have the right to call me that right now."

I withdraw my hand, shocked and hurt even more. "Four, I've done what I can to explain this to y-"

"Have you, Tris? Have you really?"

For a few minutes, it's silent - well, except for my cries of course.

"Tobias…." I whisper barely audible.

"No, Tris! Stop! Just stop!" He runs his fingers through his hair again. "I-I can't deal with this right now. I'm going back up. Feel free to join whenever, but don't keep trying to make things right. You'll only make it worse."

He stares at me for a second more.

"Oh, and by the way, I take back what I said before about you being able to fit into Candor; I was obviously wrong," is the last thing he says before turning and walking back the way we came. I don't try to stop him; like he said, I would only make things worse.

_There you go. Look what you did, Tris. I guess you deserve it, don't you? You're the one who made the mess. You should know that not all messes can be cleaned up._

I fall to my knees, sobbing. They come full force with no sign of stopping any time soon. I can't handle this. Not tonight. I already felt like my head would explode from the emotional roller coaster my body took me on after talking to Caleb, my brother who is _alive_, but now...I just want to crawl into a small space somewhere and stay there until either someone forces me out or I no longer feel anything. I want to be numb. I can't handle this.

Maybe I should be ecstatic because of my recent findings, but I find that I can't even emit the slightest sense of happiness. All I can think about is Tobias and how I did unfixable things to our relationship. Even if we were to eventually patch this up, which right now seems unlikely, that's all it will ever be: a patch. An uneven, scraggly patch that will never quite cover up the hole completely. It'll be a weak spot - a spot so delicate and fragile that it could be ripped off at just the slightest pull. And it's all because of me.

It's killing me not to be able to explain myself. The right to express my thoughts was one I never really appreciated all that much because, well, let's face it: I was mute for a year and a half, and I've never had much joy talking about my thoughts anyways. All the way up until now, I took that right completely for granted. I regret that. I never knew how much it would hurt both me and others to have that right ripped away from me.

I cry and cry and cry. I cry for what seems like hours. And what do I know? It very well could be hours.

_Caleb is alive. Try to focus on that. He's coming home in a week. That's when you can tell Tobias everything, and maybe, just maybe, we can start on that patch. Focus on that. One week. You can do this for one week. You can. Just push through._

I start gasping for air between my sobs to try and calm myself down. After a few more minutes of blubbering and gasping, I finally have my breathing mostly under control. My face feels sticky and I reach up to wipe off the remaining tears. When my hand comes back it's covered in black.

_Dammit. I forgot Christina did my makeup._

I take a deep breath.

_Okay. Let's walk through this. Get up, Tris. Stand up._

I shakily push my hands into my knees and stand.

_Good, good. Take a few breaths, keep your head up high. You can do this._

I do what it says. My mind may be on the ball telling me what to do, but my body's reactions to the instructions are the exact opposite. I take another deep breath and push my shoulders back so it looks like I'm stronger and more put together than I really am.

_See? You're doing it. Just keep going through the motions. Walk up to your room._

I move to take a step forward, but my feet stay put.

_Remember how to walk? Left foot forward, right foot forward, left foot forward, right foot forward. Yes. Like that. You've got it._

At this point, I'm only able to hear this part of my mind. I'm starting to feel numb towards all the emotion and hurt. Yes. This is what I wanted. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm happy with my body's ability to shut down like this. It makes my life much easier at times like these.

I find myself outside the room in what seems like no time at all.

_Remember, head up. Don't let him see how much you're hurting. He's probably doing the same thing. You're both too stubborn to show the other what you're feeling. _

I take a deep breath and swipe the keycard, slipping into the room. I hear the shower water running and feel relief rush through my veins at the fact that I don't have to face him right away. First things first, I need to hide the letter. I quickly pull it out of my pocket and open my suitcase. I open a small pocket on the side and slide the letter and note with the clues into it, zipping it up tightly. I cover it up with clothes and pray no one checks it when I'm not looking.

I get a tank top and shorts out of it while I'm down there. I stand up as the shower water stops. I almost put my phone up on the top of the tv stand but think better of it and put it into the nightstand drawer. I shrug my jacket off and force myself to put my game face back on as I hear the door open. I tell myself not to look at him, but I knew it was useless from the minute I thought it. Of course I'm going to look at the guy who may or may not still be my boyfriend and who may or may not still love me; I guess that part wasn't really clear to me.

As I turn and meet his eyes, I can tell we both have masks on. He has one of nonchalance, as if what we just fought about doesn't bother him. I have one of false confidence - a mask that hides both the unbearable pain and dark thoughts circling around inside me. We're both faking. We're both hurting. But this isn't something we can just put in the past and move on from; oh, there's nothing I wouldn't give to make this not real - to make this nonexistent.

We both break our glances after just a few moments pause.

"I'll take the couch," Tobias says with finality.

My breath catches in my throat and sobs threaten to escape it. I look down and will myself to say anything, anything at all...but all I can do is nod.

His footsteps pass me and I swallow hard but hopefully quietly enough so he wouldn't hear me. I scurry to the bathroom and shut the door swiftly behind me. I drop my clothes on the ground and grasp onto the counter in an effort to steady myself. I'm feeling dizzy - way dizzier than what would be considered normal for me.

You know that feeling when you've been running for what seems like forever and your lungs are on fire, and you can't catch your breath, but you don't stop because you have to keep going in order to make it home before dark? And you're thinking to yourself that you should not have pushed that far, that hard, because now you're out of air, pain is running through your body, you're almost 100% sure you're going to pass out, and you're panicking, thinking maybe you'll never be able to get enough air back into your lungs?

Well, if not, imagine it. Do you have the feeling imagined? Good. Because that's how I am feeling right now.

I gasp quietly for air and close my eyes in an attempt to stop the dizziness and nausea. If anything, this only makes it worse. I think that maybe, just maybe, I may be having an anxiety attack. Boy, I haven't had one of these in a while. I sure didn't miss them either.

I let go of my white-knuckled grip on the counter and instead fall in front of the toilet. After a few minutes of desperately looking for air while dry heaving, something actually comes up.

_So you didn't throw up after Eric raped you, but you thr-_

Wrong thing to think about. I throw up again.

_Okay, Tris. It's okay. It's going to be okay. You're okay. Caleb is alive. Remember that? Your brother? Remember how he's going to come live with you in a week? Yeah? Okay, good. Let's focus on that, and breathing. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale…_

I finally catch my breath and shakily stand up. I flush the toilet and go over to the sink to wash my hands and brush my teeth to get this horrible taste out of my mouth. At this point, I'd rather eat soap than have this aftertaste in my mouth.

I change into my other clothes and marvel in the chill it brings to my skin. I go to the counter and brush my hair out, setting the bobby pins on it. Once it's brushed, I put it in a ponytail, not wanting to deal with it at the moment.

I try to tell myself not to, but I do anyways; I look in the mirror. I find that I look like absolute hell; my face is 5 times paler than normal, my eyes look gaunt and haunted, my hair is a tangled mess, even when it's been brushed, the mascara is still stained on my cheeks, and you can definitely tell I had some sort of attack in here. Oh well. It's not as if I'll be questioned about it. He won't care. He doesn't care.

I splash water on my face and scrub until all of the black is off my cheeks.

I quickly turn away and step out the bathroom door before I can hesitate any longer. I toss my dirty clothes on top of my suitcase and stand up, startled to see that he's leaning against the wall next to the bathroom. I avoid eye contact and nervously take the time to squat back down and actually put my clothes inside the luggage.

"Are you okay?" he asks gently.

My breath stops in my throat and I swallow back tears again. I take a deep breath and look up at him. He looks strangely concerned.

"Why are you even asking? You don't care, I know that. You don't have to pretend in front of me."

His eyes harden again. Why couldn't I have just answered the right way, the easy way? A simple '_I'm fine' _would have sufficed for the stage we're in. An '_I'm fine' _and we would have both gone to the separate sleeping designations without another fight.

"I meant what I said, Tris."

"What? About how I only make people miserable and only care about myself? About how I only make things worse and how this is all my fault? Yeah, _trust me, _I got that," I angrily say.

He crouches down next to me and I gulp at the closeness. I've never realized how intimidating he can actually be.

"You know what I'm talking about."

"_I'm not saying that I don't care about you, because you know I do, and I always will."_

We hold eye contact for a few more moments. He's so close, but yet, he's so far away. I could throw my arms around him right now if I wanted to, but I can't.

He stands up again and I'm left taking in the breath that I lost while I was unknowingly holding it.

I clench my hands into fists to stop them from shaking and stand up a few moments later. I go to the bed and crawl in, desperate for warmth, but it's a lot colder than I realized. It's missing the warmth I need; it's missing Tobias.

The dim light that was lighting up the room goes away with a '_click'_ as Tobias shuts it off, and darkness fills the room instead. I close my eyes and try to clear my head of any and all emotion, but it seems impossible. I take a deep breath and slowly release it, trying to make myself numb now. I get great results; the numbness enters my system within minutes. Thank goodness I've had practice and know how to do it.

Even though I no longer feel anything, I still can't fall asleep. I toss and turn for what feels like hours until I finally lay still, accepting that I may have a sleepless night. I don't allow myself to think, but I do allow myself to go over our argument.

It hurt. A lot. Hearing what he said. But if I had the choice to take back what I did - take back the fact that I traveled to Haviland and talked to my brother who is actually not dead….I'm not sure I would. Is that bad? It's not like I'm choosing my brother over my boyfriend...right?

I force myself to stop before I can go too in depth about it and start to feel again. I instead turn my ears towards the couch where Tobias is sleeping and listen for his breaths. I faintly hear them, but they're there. The even, rugged breaths that could only come from him are there. I take a deep breath and release it. I close my eyes and surge with a new found confidence that I _will_ fall asleep.

I take even breaths and empty out my head as much as possible. I listen to Tobias' breathing and match mine to his. I slowly start to be pulled under. Right before I fall asleep, I hear his voice. It only half-registers in my sleeping mind, and I'm sure I won't remember it in the morning, but I hear it nonetheless.

"I love you, Tris."

_I love you too._

**Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're all thinking right now, but please don't act on your plots to kill me quite yet...I do have a plan. I'm not saying that this plan will be acted upon right away, but I do have a plan. I promise. **

**So, moving on! I've been so busy lately! I ran into writer's block several times during this chapter, and I actually finished it quite a few times, but had to go back and change some things that way I could make sure it would match up with the plan I have in store. **

**Also, shoutout to my friend who gave me the idea of the Witness Protection Program to bring Caleb back into this story! I had been struggling with how to do this for a while and she gave me this wonderful idea! So a huge thanks goes out to her!:D**

**Thank you so much for the unbelievable number of 544 reviews, 302 favorites, and 355 followers! It means so much! You've all been so supportive and I can't thank you enough! I say this time we shoot for 550 reviews, 305 favorites, and 360 followers! I know we can do it!**

**And like always, if you have any questions, PM me! I may not answer back right away due to extreme business, but I will answer! I promise!:)**

**Until next time!**


	37. Chapter 36

**Hey, I'm back! I'll get right into it like always, especially since most of you don't like me very much right now…;)**

**Disclaimer: Divergent does not belong to me, or anyone else besides Veronica Roth.**

**Chapter 36**

**Tobias's POV**

It takes me a long time to fall asleep, and I know that Tris is having a hard time too. But unlike her, I stay still and breathe evenly. She tosses and turns until she eventually goes still. I listen to her breathing and hear it quicken periodically only to slow back down a moment later. Eventually, her breathing starts to match mine and the bed sinks down more as she relaxes. I don't know how she did it - how she managed to just turn the reason behind her restlessness off just like that and go to sleep. Frankly, that scares me a little bit. Who knows what else she shut off?

"I love you, Tris." The words escape without my permission, but it doesn't bother me all that much. Tris is asleep; it's not like she could hear it. No matter how true the words are, I don't want her to hear them right now.

I feel bad: extremely guilty, extremely remorseful - bad. The problem is, I'm not sure how much of what I said I actually meant. I know I meant it when I said I will always care about her, and I know I meant it when I said that it hurt when she constantly lies to me, but other than that, it's hard to sort the rest out.

No matter how worrying all of the other stuff is we fought about, the one thing I'm worried most about is the part when Tris told me that she can't tell me what it is she went to go get because it's _illegal_. Then again, I'm not 100% sure that she was telling the truth. It still worries me. She said she could tell me in a week. What does that mean? What kind of law has a time frame for what and when you can tell people?

I let out a sigh. Who knows if we can fix this?

I close my eyes and try to fall back asleep again. I do what she did; I match my breathing to hers. Somehow it works, and I fall asleep.

I must have been too emotionally exhausted to wake up because little did I know that while I was asleep, she woke back up, shouting my name.

**Tris' POV**

_We're back in the hotel alley, fighting. I'm not sure how we got back here. But words are flying back and forth between us. It's then that I realize I'm speaking without telling myself to. _

"_You don't __**get**_ _it, Tobias! You'll __**never**_ _get_ _it!"_

"_Get what, Tris?! Get that you don't care about me?! Get that you'd rather let me go than tell me the truth?!"_

"_That's __**not **__what I sai-"_

_I'm stopped short by a gunshot. I let out a scream and duck my head instinctively. My eyes go wide as I hear a familiar chuckle from behind. Eric._

_I immediately look in front of me to Tobias, but he's on the ground, covering his stomach. I drop beside him and take his hand away. I feel myself pale as I see what he's covering; he's the one Eric shot._

_His eyes are full of pain, and he's weak already. I shrug off my jacket and put it under his head, starting to cry._

"_I-it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be fine," I shakily say._

_I push my hands into his wound, trying to stop the bleeding. But I realize a few minutes later that it's not doing any good. I start to cry even harder. _

"_Tris," Tobias gasps._

_I look up at him, tears blurring my vision as I see the state he's in._

"_I love you," he says, but I can tell it takes a lot of effort._

"_No, you can't do that! Don't give up on me. You-you have to stay alive. I-I need you. Don't do this. Don't do this to me," I sob._

_His hand limply reaches up to brush a strand of my hair behind my ear. "You're so beautiful."_

"_Stop it! Stop! C'mon! You have to fight this! Please, Tobias!"_

"_He's not going to make it, Beatrice," Eric's voice laughs._

_I angrily stand up and search for him in the dark. "You are some sick beast, you know that?! You disgusting, evil, repulsive son of a bi-"_

_He suddenly appears in front of me and pushes his hand against my throat. He shoves me against the brick wall and while keeping his hand around my throat says, "I suggest - unless you don't want to say goodbye to your little friend here - you don't finish that sentence."_

_I scratch at his hand, desperate for air - desperate to get back to Tobias._

"_You got that?" he growls._

_Tears streaming down my face, I nod. He smirks and throws me to the ground, releasing me. I gasp for air as I crawl over to Tobias. His eyes are shut, but he's still breathing._

"_Tobias! Tobias, please! Open your eyes!"_

_He does so, but very slowly. And for the first time, I believe Eric; he's not going to make it. I sob._

"_Don't let this get to you forever, okay? Move on. For me?" he rasps._

_I shake my head. "No - no. It's-it's gonna be okay. If-if we just - if we just…" I trail off, not knowing what to say._

_He sadly smiles at me. "Stop lying to yourself, Tris. We both know what's going to happen."_

_I sob and take his hand in both of mine. I cradle it against my chest so he can feel my heartbeat. He closes his eyes and he takes in a sharp breath. He opens them a moment later, and almost all the light is gone._

"_I love you," he says so weakly that I can barely hear him. _

_I lean forward and touch my lips to his, despite the tears and blood. He lightly, very lightly, kisses back until his lips don't move at all, and I pull back, alarmed. _

"_Tobias?!"_

_He doesn't reply. His chest isn't moving._

"_Tobias, wake up! Tobias, you have to wake up!"_

_I'm sobbing full force. "Tobias! Wake up! Please!"_

_I never got to tell him. I never got to tell him I love him. _

"_Tobias!"_

"Tobias!"

I wake up with a start, tears falling down my cheeks.

"Tobias," I whisper.

I turn to my side and turn on the lamp. I wince as the light fills the room, afraid he'll wake up, but he doesn't.

I know it's silly and completely irrational, but I have to check to make sure his heart is still beating.

I climb out of bed and quietly walk around to the side of the couch he's laying on. I very gently lay my hand on his chest and hold my breath. He doesn't stir. I focus on feeling his heartbeat, and moments later I can feel the silent thumping of his heart. I breathe a sigh of relief. I take my hand off and tell myself to get back into bed now, but my feet stay put. I bend down on my knees and watch his face as he sleeps. Usually his sleeping face is peaceful and makes him look like his true age, but this time there's something different. I notice that his eyes are more crinkled than usual and his eyebrows are crunched into a frown. Is it possible he's feeling the same as me?

I shake my head. No. I can't afford to think like that. He can't possibly feel bad about telling the truth. I sigh and take his hand. He still doesn't wake up. I loosely lace our fingers together and watch his facial features for a while. After what is probably 10 to 20 minutes, I let go of his hand and set it back down on the couch. I stand up and sigh. I need him. I absolutely, positively, 100% need him...and I pushed him away.

I lean down and kiss his forehead. His face relaxes and he finally looks 17 again. I smile lightly, sadly; if only things were this easy when we were both awake. I grab a blanket from my bed and walk back, covering him with it. He's going to know I woke up and did this in the morning, but I don't care. Maybe this is how I can try to start breaking down the barrier between us - by showing him I care.

I run my fingers through his hair and kiss his forehead one more time before walking back to my bed and climbing in. I shut off the light and close my eyes, trying to go back to sleep.

After several minutes of trying to go to sleep and no progress at all, I realize it's useless. I peek one eye open to look at the clock: it's 4:57am. I sigh. I may as well stay up now.

I turn onto my back and contemplate our fight. I sigh again as I realize this won't be a quick or easy fix. I stare at the ceiling for what seems like forever, but when I look at the clock it's only 5:15. It's still pretty early. This is why I'm surprised when something beside me buzzes. I sit up quickly, making sure the echo didn't wake Tobias up. I roll my eyes as I see he hasn't stirred. I'm being paranoid.

I lean over and open the nightstand drawer where my phone is and grab it. I squint as the brightness meets my eyes. It's a text from Christina.

_**Couples' day today! We'll decide later if we want to go to the fair or not!**_

Great. A couples' day. What am I going to do? What are _we_ going to do? Nothing as a couple, I know.

Something wet falls onto my phone screen and I realize I'm crying again. I debate about shutting myself down again, but decide against it. Tobias is asleep, what harm could it possibly do?

I turn my phone off and stuff it back into the drawer before turning back into bed. I allow my tears to run. I eventually grab a pillow as small noises start to escape me as well as the tears. I hug the pillow to my chest, wishing it was Tobias.

Suddenly, a part of my dream comes back to me. I remember the terror I felt at losing him, but another feeling hits me - regret. It pangs into my emotions all at once, adding to my tears as I try to figure out what the feeling is from. Then I figure it out.

I was terrified that I lost him. I thought that was the worst part. But then I realize that the regret afterwards felt so much worse. I regretted never getting to tell him I loved him. _Loved him._

Tori's voice starts ringing through my head.

"_You're scared because you've never felt like this before."_

"_You love him; you really do. But you don't want to admit it."_

"_So please take my advice and admit to yourself what you feel. And once that happens, maybe we can talk about telling him."_

"_You've loved people before: your parents, your friends, Caleb. But that was safe love. This is a different kind of love."_

Now I know how the dream is my reality. I lost him - not by death, but relationship wise - and I may not get to tell him I love him.

Oh God.

I love him. _I'm_ _in_ _love with Tobias_.

And I can't tell him that. I'm too late.

Waves of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion hit me all at once, and as much as I wish my body would just give into the exhaustion, it fights it. I close my eyes as the tears keep leaking and try to force myself to fall asleep; it doesn't work.

Then I remember - Tobias has sleeping pills. If I can just find where he put them, I can take one and finally get some more sleep to avoid this awful first day of living with the fact that I don't have Tobias anymore.

I quietly let go of the pillow and slip off the bed. I decide to check in the bathroom first. I close the door silently behind me and start to search. After a while though, it's obvious I won't find them in here. I exit the room a moment later and instead crouch over his suitcase. I take a deep breath and as quietly as possible, so as not to wake Tobias up, zip it open. His scent smacks me in the face as I flip the top back. It somehow hits me in a way I didn't know it could, and sends tears silently running down my cheeks.

'_Couples' Day today!'_

I start to search for the bottle of pills that I know have to be in here. I have to constantly rub my eyes in order to be able to see through the tears. I carefully shuffle through his folded clothes and eventually find two bottles. One is Aspirin, and the other is a name I can't pronounce, but the label describes it as a drowsiness pill. My shaky hands open it, and I find that there is only one left. I shake it out into the palm of my hand. I dry swallow it and hurriedly zip the suitcase up. It's quite loud, and I can hear him stirring. I stand up and hurry into bed, not caring that I forgot to put the empty pill bottle back under his clothes.

I partially crawl under the covers and close my eyes, ready for sleep to take me. The tears have finally stopped, but I don't get the chance to wipe them off. I hear the couch creak and know he's up. It's quiet for a few moments and I start to wonder if he's fallen asleep again when I hear the couch creak once again, and footsteps walk towards the bathroom. The bathroom door shuts, and instead of taking the opportunity to wipe my tears off, they start back up again.

I silently cry as I feel the drowsiness finally starting to hit me. I grab the same pillow I used earlier to cry into to do the same. But I eventually I force myself to stop crying as I hear the bathroom door open again. Now that I've stopped the tears, the drowsiness hits me harder and faster than before. I listen to his footsteps. There are only one or two after the bathroom door opens. I hear the unzipping of his suitcase, and then a sigh. He must've found the empty pill bottle.

The footsteps start back up again, and I half-consciously recognize that they're getting louder which must mean he's getting closer. Within seconds, I can feel him standing next to my bed. Even as sleep continues to pull me under, I still listen as hard as I can.

I hear something sliding open and I realize that he's pulled open the nightstand drawer. He takes something out of it, which is my phone from the sounds of it. Now that I come to think of it, I remember hearing it buzz again. I can faintly see the light through my closed eyelids as the screen turns on. Since I never opened my phone up to look at Christina's message properly, the notification should still be there. My suspicions are confirmed when he sighs, the light disappears, and the drawer slides back closed.

It's silent for a minute and once I'm convinced that he won't do anything else, I give into the drowsiness. It frustrates me that right before I fall asleep, he does something again.

The messy covers around me lift up and gently fall back down so they lay perfectly around my shoulders. His hand comes to my cheek and his thumb brushes off the remaining tears. He brushes back the strands of my hair that are tickling my face and lightly kisses my forehead.

"What are we going to do, Tris?" is the last whisper I hear before going under.

**Tobias's POV (Yes, I know it's going back and forth)**

When I woke up, there was a blanket gently placed on me that wasn't there before. I knew immediately that it was Tris who did it. She must have woken up and put it on me when I was sleeping. It almost broke me, realizing that even though we both made it clear that we don't want to speak to each other, she still thinks of my well-being before her own.

I came even closer to breaking when I explored the room. I saw the empty pill bottle that she must have used at the same time she put the blanket on me. I saw the jumbled mess of clothes in my suitcase that she went through in order to find the pills. I saw her laying messily on the bed. She must have either heard me waking up or wanted to fall asleep as soon as possible to avoid confrontation with me. Maybe it's both.

It's not until I get closer that I see the tears on her face. I look on the nightstand in front of me for her phone for any clues as to what she could be crying about. I realize that she could've just been crying about...earlier...but it seems odd that she would cry without a trigger. She's strong. Something else must have triggered this.

I open the drawer of the nightstand and see her phone. I grab it and look at her recent notifications. I immediately find the trigger: a text from Christina.

_**Couples' Day today!**_

And as if that wasn't enough to set her off, there's also one more from her.

_**So how'd everything go tonight? Did the emergency pool gathering work? Were you able to sort your head out and get some rest?**_

She dragged Christina into her lies too. And technically, she dragged the rest of the gang in as well. Anger starts to build up in me again and I remember why this won't just blow over - why I can't turn back.

I sigh and put the phone back where it was before. And even though I know I shouldn't be anywhere near Tris right now, I stay here anyways. Besides, what harm could it do? She's asleep anyways.

I watch her sleep for a while. I wish I could say that I didn't feel guilty and that I know what I did was right, but with the obvious restlessness she had along with the tears still sticking to her cheeks, I can't. When I look at her while she's this vulnerable, when she's _this_ close to breaking, I can't be angry with her.

I move my eyes to the covers laying in messy piles around her. I give into my instincts and neatly fix them, pulling them up to her shoulders. I continue to give in and carefully raise my hand to her cheek. I use my thumb to gently wipe the tears away. I push the hair that was sticking to her cheeks back behind her ear. Whether it was known to her or not, she quietly whimpers and curls up smaller around the pillow she's hugging.

A feeling unknown to me passes through my stomach. It's not unpleasant, I wouldn't say; it's...like the feeling you get when you're nervous, but 100 times more powerful….yet it feels 100 times more subdued at the same time. I can't describe it.

Whatever this feeling is causes my stomach to twist and turn with a surge of need I've never felt before: a need to protect this girl lying in front of me - a need so strong it consumes me. It gnaws at me endlessly until I can no longer comprehend why she is stuck there hugging a pillow to her chest instead of me - why she had to take pills in order to fall back asleep after a nightmare rather than me.

I lean down and kiss her forehead, only slightly making my need satisfied.

But then my brain works against this feeling and the sharp, painful memory of our fight returns to my mind. Now this, this feeling that I have right now, is unpleasant. The need to protect the girl I love is still there, but it's fighting against my brain's sense. And I hate it - I hate that my brain's logic is right. I wish it wasn't; I wish I could crawl into bed beside her, wrap her up in my arms, and never let her go...but unfortunately, my brain stops me from doing so.

I know that this-this _need _I'm feeling is strongly outweighed by my brain's reasoning, but I still don't want it to go. I'm afraid that without it I'll forget why I need her, and I don't want that. I'll never want that.

With all this thinking and feelings against feelings, my head starts to throb. I turn my attention from myself to her again. Focusing on her makes my stomach give another flop.

"What are we going to do, Tris?" I whisper to her as if she could hear me.

I sigh and subconsciously find myself reaching for her hand. I want to stop myself, but the need to touch her, to feel her baby-soft skin, overpowers my mind and continues to let my hand reach for her's. I take it and fold it in between both of mine. I move one of my thumbs to run across her knuckles, back and forth, back and forth. I bow my head a few minutes later and rest it on our hands.

Before I can let myself get too lost in my thoughts again, I close my eyes and focus on the quiet sounds of her breathing. It calms me in a strange sort of way.

The need for her isn't as strong as it was before. It fades until all that's left of the feeling is a pure feeling of content. And that's all I need as of right now: contentedness. Anything more and it would get too complicated. Anything less and I'd convince myself to stand up and walk away.

Contentedness: holding Tris's hand as she sleeps without knowing how much I actually love and need her. Now this - _this _is what I could never get old of.

But, and there's that awful word again, I know I can't stay like this forever. As soon as she wakes up, we'll both go back to being angry with the only words we speak to each other words of hate and despise. But, and there it is again, I'll stay here for as long as I can, riding this flame of passion until I have to fan it out.

**Tris' POV**

It's been three whole days since the fight with Four. I have never felt worse, and it shows: my hair lies in tangled strands that I don't bother brushing out, my skin is a whole other shade of white, I've stopped eating again, and the bags under my eyes signify the amount of sleep I've lost since the fight. The one thing I haven't turned to yet is the razor. I'm not sure whether to be proud of myself for not using it or angry at myself for still keeping the promise I made to Four when he's the one who's making me want to use it in the first place. Either way, I don't really care. I've stopped caring ever since the first silence fell upon us.

We came back home yesterday. The couples' day before that was awful; as if we didn't have enough to be angry for, Christina obliviously set us up for another round of trouble by keeping us in the same room. It's not that we were forced to at first, but when I had left the room to leave some space between us, Christina found me. She could see something was up and I stupidly told her that Four and I got into a bad fight. I didn't explain much; I just said that we were too angry and hurt to be around the other right now.

Anyone else would have taken that as a sign to back off and leave it be, but of course she wouldn't; it was _Christina _for God's sake. It was extremely idiotic of me to think she would drop the topic_. _

She dragged me back up to my room and opened the door with the room key that she had stolen off of me earlier, and pushed Four and me together onto the couch. She lectured us about something I don't remember; I wasn't exactly listening. I don't think Four was listening either. We were too busy trying not to touch, look, or talk to each other.

I do remember Christina angrily telling us that we were 'perfect for each other and should just put our differences aside and work whatever it is we're fighting about out'. I also remember her telling us to just kiss it out if nothing else. I almost scoffed at just the memory. _Kiss it out. _Yeah right. If anything, that forced 'togetherness' made things even more strained.

School's been miserable as well. I feel even guiltier for the unusual silence that's fallen upon our table at lunch and classes that we have together. Four and I haven't spoken to each other since that day and have barely spoken to our friends; we give minimal word answers when specifically spoken to, but that's it. I've stopped talking to Tori altogether because I know she would just be another Christina trying to help Four and I work it out. I love them both, but I can't handle that right now.

Now, back to the present. It's after school and I'm riding _with _Four back home. I'm not sure if it's his selflessness or pride that's caused him to still give me rides to and from school, no matter how awkward and silent it is.

I've been fidgeting with my fingers and looking down at my lap for the duration of the ride. I bite my lip as we come to a stop. I go to get out like always, but I'm startled into a frozen position as I hear him speak.

"Tris…"

It takes all the strength in me to turn and look at him. As I stare into his eyes, I feel something painfully stab inside me. Loss, maybe? Guilt? Whatever it is, it hurts.

Our stare lasts for probably 10 seconds when he opens his mouth to speak. My phone chooses to ding right then and break our little moment. I feel myself blush with embarrassment as I check the text.

_**It's me. I can talk for 20 minutes. But it has to be within the next 10 minutes that you call. Get somewhere private.**_

Caleb.

He shakes his head as I look back at him, slightly questioningly.

"Nevermind."

I bite my lip to stop the tears from breaking through. I blink furiously as I nod, jumping out of his truck and walking back home as fast as possible. As soon as I get through my door, I let out a few dry sobs, still refusing to let the tears fall.

I let my book bag drop with a thud next to the front door and slide to a sitting position against it. I quickly pull myself together and dial Caleb's number. It rings a few times before picking up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Caleb," I say with a bit of relief. It's nice to hear his voice again, especially after not talking to anyone comfortably for the past three days.

"Beatrice! It's great to hear your voice again!"

I almost start to cry again. "You too! You have no idea how much I needed to talk to my big brother."

"Why? What's happened?"

I quickly shake my head, but then remember he can't see me. "No, nothing's happened. I just miss you, that's all."

It's suspiciously quiet for a few moments. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine!" I say, surprising myself with how easy the lie slipped out.

"As long as you're sure…." Caleb trails off.

"I'm sure." And there's a lie again. Four's right; I _do _lie a lot. I swallow hard to get the lump out of my throat.

"Okay...well, what's been going on with you lately?"

"Nothing much, mostly just school," I lie again. Guilt settles into my stomach. I lie to my godmother, my best friend, my boyfriend, and now my brother?

"Well, how's that been going? You moved, right? So have you made any new friends? Any new enemies?" he asks cheekily.

I crack a small smile. It's the first time I've done that in days. "Yeah, I have actually. To both things."

"Woah, you made _enemies?_ You know I was just kidding, right?" he asks worriedly.

"Don't worry Cal, I don't think they'll ever bother me again."

"What? Why? What happened?" he continues.

"I punched their 'leader' in the nose, and they haven't bothered me since."

I hear him laugh in disbelief. "No way."

I let a little bit bigger smile slip onto my face. "Yes way."

"But the Beatrice I know would _not _do that," he says seriously this time.

"Well after, you know, my family _died_, I changed," I say pointedly towards him.

He sighs. "Okay, point taken. What kind of changes?"

"Well...I built a wall. I didn't let anyone in anymore. I didn't let anyone get to me. I would temporarily dye my hair black with blue and gray streaks to symbolize you guys. I stopped playing piano. I started wearing black all the time. I pretty much developed a new personality - one that was less naïve and more protective."

He's silent for a minute. "I had no idea…"

"If it makes you feel any better," I start, "I've dropped some of that personality now and have a good mix between both my original one and this one."

He sighs in relief. "Okay, that does make me feel better."

"I figured it would. Tris and Beatrice do quite well together when they're balanced out."

"Wait, Tris? What's Tris?" I can practically hear the confusion in his voice, and I realize I haven't told him about what I go by now.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you! I go by Tris now. Short for Beatrice. I never really liked my name anyways, but after Mom and Dad died, and I thought you too, I shortened it to Tris."

"Why?"

"I thought it sounded like me more. It suits me better than Beatrice ever will now."

"Well, should I call you Tris then?"

"No, no it's fine. You're my brother. You're allowed to call me Beatrice. You and Tori are the only ones who reserve that right."

I stand up and start to walk up to my room, still with the phone. Just in case Tori would get back early, I don't want her to be suspicious of whoever I'm talking to.

"Are you sure?"

I roll my eyes as I push open my bedroom door. "Yes, I'm sure Cal."

"So, Beatrice, you told me about your enemies, now tell me about your friends," he says after thinking for a moment.

"Oh! Yeah!" I mentally curse myself. Why couldn't I have said I didn't really have any here? It would've made this so much easier to do. "Umm...they're really great. They welcomed me into their group with open arms. They're all really different, but in a good way. They all have my back though, no matter what."

"That's great, Beatrice! How many of them are there?"

I quickly make a small number up in my head. "Umm...2 of them. There are 2 of them."

"Only two? But you said a group, Beatrice. 2 isn't exactly a group," he states, the suspicion heavy in his voice.

"Oh, yeah, well, that's because I meant that there are only 2, uh, really good friends out of all of them."

I come this close to smacking my head against the wall for four reasons. One, I both told the truth and lied. Yes, there are two really good friends out of the entire gang, but it's obvious I lied about there only being two friends period. Two, Caleb is going to worry that I'm currently in a fight with them or something, which would actually be dead on were he able to guess that. Three, now he's going to ask me what made these two people stand out from the rest. And four, he'll ask me _about _them.

Why couldn't I have said I made one friend? Or even better yet, no friends?

"I see…" he begins, the suspicion practically dripping from his voice. "And why are they your best friends?"

And here's the part where I should start slamming my head against the wall.

"I don't know...I guess we just hit it off better than everyone else. Had a connection that no one else did."

I roll my eyes at my pathetic explanation. _A connection. _Are you kidding me? That's the _best_ I could come up with? Nobody on this planet would buy that story.

"Uh-huh. Now, what are these two's names?"

I actually do it this time around: I smack my head against the wall next to me a few times.

"Beatrice, what's that?"

I quickly stop and jump on the new subject. "Oh, nothing. I just dropped something and it bounced a few times on the floor."

"But I thought you were holding the phone?" he asks, only getting more suspicious.

I curse at myself again. "I am, but only with one hand. I tried to pick something else up but dropped it."

"Okay….so back on topic. What are your two best friends' names again?"

I quickly glance towards the window by my bed looking for Four. It's useless I realize - he's kept his blinds down for the past couple of days; it's like an unspoken agreement between us to close off that open passageway between us.

"Well, they're umm...they're…" I debate about telling the truth, but Caleb beats me to speaking.

"Alright, I've heard enough. What the hell is going on?"

Even though it shouldn't bother me anymore, I still cringe the same. It's weird hearing my perfect brother curse, even after all these years.

"Nothing's going on!" I quickly insist.

"Yes, something is! And it's bothering you! I heard it in your voice the moment you picked up, but I assumed it was just the long distance call that made you sound like that. Well, until now, at least. Now, tell me what's going on!"

I wince. "Nothing is."

"Beatrice…" he trails off warningly.

I sigh. "I just had a fight with one of them, that's all. I'm sure it'll all work out in the end." That's what I hope, anyways.

"What was it about?"

"Nothing. Just something stupid."

"If it's something stupid then why can't you just acknowledge that and work it out?"

"It's not that simple, Caleb," I say, getting frustrated.

"Woah, woah, woah. Calm it," he says firmly but gently. He waits a few moments. "Is there something you're not telling me here?"

I sigh again. "No."

It's silent for the next few moments. Then he speaks up.

"So you're in a fight with a friend?"

"No- yes, I mean. Yes." I have never had a bigger urge to crawl into a hole and stay there until the end of time than now. I slipped up.

"Ah, so it's with a guy?"

"No," I try to lie cleanly.

"That's what I thought."

I frown, confused. He bought that?

"So who's your boyfriend?"

I groan. Of course he didn't. He's too smart not to pick up on that.

"There is no boyfriend, Cal."

"Yes, there is. Don't keep trying to lie to me. If you don't believe that I actually have this figured out, I can spell it out to you; however, we only have 7 minutes left to talk and I really don't want to waste it telling you what we already know."

I plop down on my bed. "Why do you have to be so damn smart?"

"Because I am. Now start. Who is he? How'd you meet? How long have you been going out? Why didn't you tell me about him before?"

"His name is Four, and no, that's not his real name. His real name is something I can't tell you because it's very private to him. No one other than me, him, and the people who named him know it. He lives next door, but I didn't know that until school started, and that's how we met. We've been going out for a little over a month now, although it feels like it's been forever. And I didn't tell you because I thought you would freak out."

"And why would I freak out?"

"Because that's what you do, Caleb. You freak out over any boy who comes near me," I scoff.

"Maybe so, but you still should've told me."

"Well, I'm sorry that it didn't come to mind last conversation. I was a little busy, you know, listening to my brother explain why he's not _dead_."

I can tell I'm pushing his buttons a bit. "Okay, point taken. _Again._ I said I'm sorry, what else do you want me to do?"

I take a deep breath, trying to contain my frustration not only at him, but at everybody else in my life right now as well.

"Well it would've been nice if you had stayed with Tori and I after Mom and Dad died, but it's whatever. Apparently it wasn't important enough to you to stay."

"Beatrice! I did this to protect you! I already explained this to you!" There goes the first button.

"Well you could've at least explained to me what you were doing before you flew halfway across the world! Before your 'funeral' happened! That would've been nice!"

"Beatrice, stop it right now," he says, anger dripping from his voice like water from a faucet. "You know damn well why I did this, and I don't want to hear anymore of it. I'm sorry that things had to go this way, but it's in the past, and there's nothing I can do about it now."

I pause for a moment then let out a sob against my will. "I'm sorry, Caleb. I'm sorry. It's just...it feels like everything that could have possibly gone wrong in my life right now has and I have no idea how to fix it."

"It's okay, Bea. It's okay. Please don't cry. Maybe I can help. What did you and - Four was it? - fight about?"

I wipe the few tears that fell onto my cheeks off and border up my emotions again. "Like I said, it's stupid."

"Maybe so, but I won't know that for a fact until you tell me about it."

I sigh. "Listen, I really don't feel like going in depth about it. It only happened a few days ago so that memory is still kind of raw."

"Then don't go in depth. Just tell me the outlines."

I pick at a loose thread on my shirt. "I kind of lied to him about some things and then he found out about them and he got really hurt, which he had every right to be. He thought I was cheating on him or something like that, which is ridiculous because I would never do that, but he was angry about that too. Then I got mad and threw his words back at him which only made things worse, and….yeah. I think that's about it."

"About?"

I sigh. "I kind of...disappeared, you could say, the night we had our fight. We were in Haviland and Justin showed me that he had that letter you wrote for me. I knew I had to get it, but I didn't tell anyone about it. So I kind of lied to my best friend and convinced her to make everyone go to the pool so I could slip out unnoticed by Four. Then when I came back and didn't tell him why I disappeared in the first place...well, you can probably guess how he felt about that."

It's silent for a long moment. "I hate to say this because I'm your brother and I've never met this Four guy, but it kind of sounds like he has every right to be mad. You reserve some rights to be mad because I'm sure some stuff was said that wasn't right, but it still sounds like you messed up a bit. And I'm willing to bet that those walls you built had a big part in this."

I bite my lip. "I know he has every right to be mad. I know I messed up and I should've just told the truth about where I was going. I should've never lied to him about anything. He doesn't think I trust him, or feel the same way about him as he feels about me. And I do. That's what makes this so awful."

"Bea…."

"I miss him so much, Caleb. I miss him so much it hurts."

"Beatrice, I think you depend upon him too much. You're reading too far into it. You're only 17. This is probably just some high school fling that you'll barely remem-"

"Caleb, I swear to God if you finish that sentence I will hunt you down and kill you. I don't care if you're halfway across the world. And if you add on some crap about being too young to know what love is it'll only worsen your situation."

"Wait - hold up. You _love _the guy?!"

I wince and stutter, trying to back out of it, but then I realize that I don't care what he thinks. He hasn't been in my life for two years. While he's been gone, Tobias has been there. Caleb can think whatever he wants, but I won't care.

"Yes. I do."

He's stunned into silence. "But..but you're only 17…"

"I may be 17, but after someone has been raped, seen their family die, and was left to fend on their own, it tends to cause the person to mature pretty quickly," I say annoyed.

"Have-have you told him?"

My small moment of pride is quickly washed away.

"No. You know how they say you never know how much you love something until it's taken away from you? That's kind of my situation right now. Besides, even if I had realized it sooner, I probably still wouldn't have told him yet. I've really only admitted it to myself so far. I don't think I'm quite ready to say it to him yet."

He falls quiet again. I hear a voice in the background telling him it's almost time to hang up. I hear Caleb tell the guy that he's not going to be hanging up until he's done. It makes me smile a bit. So this really does mean a lot to him.

"So am I the first one you've told this to?"

I think. "Yes, actually."

He takes a deep breath. "Listen, it's obvious that this guy means the world to you, and I'm sorry for doubting that. I just want to know where this guy stands. I'll do one question at a time. Is he mature enough to feel the same things?"

"Yes," I immediately say.

"_Does_ he feel the same way?"

"Yes," I say a little more hesitantly this time.

"When did he tell you this?"

"A few days ago."

"What did he say when he told you?"

"I wasn't aware you were such a girl, Cal." I imagine him rolling his eyes.

"I just want to know that he really meant it and isn't just looking for sex. I mean, c'mon. A month, Bea? You have to understand that's a little hard for me to believe."

I feel myself blush at that word. "Okay, first off, I know it seems like it's way too early to be developing those feelings. But even before we started going out, we've spent nearly every waking moment together. I trust him with my life, Caleb. He's had a rough past too, so he also acts much more mature than he really is. He understands what not a lot of guys do when it comes to compassion and showing someone that you care. Also, I can assure you that he's not just looking for..._that._"

"How can you be so sure?"

"I told him about Eric." I can tell this shocks him as well. "C'mon, Caleb. If a guy was only looking for _that_ then he wouldn't have stuck around afterwards. I also told him that I was afraid of it. He's not looking for..._sex, _Caleb."

"What did he say when you told him that?"

"Well, which one?"

"What?"

"About the time I told him what Eric did or that I was afraid of intimacy?"

"You didn't do it at the same time?"

"No."

"Oh."

He's silent again. I roll my eyes.

"Caleb, I know what I'm doing, okay? He knows what a mess I am, and without him I don't know how I would even be coping right now."

"Did you tell him about Mom and Dad?"

"Did I tell him about seeing my family's dead bodies and watching my mother die in front of me? Yes, on the same day I told him about Eric. Have I told him about the recurring nightmares I have? Yes. Have I told him how after my family died my friends turned their backs on me? Yes. Have I told him about my insecurities? Yes. Plenty of times, yet he still stayed with me. Listen, anything you could possibly think of, I have told him about."

He stays quiet, contemplating everything I've just said.

"You haven't told him you love him," he quietly states.

I let out a breath and brace myself as the familiar pain of losing him takes over again. "No. You're right. I haven't."

"Tell him."

"I can't."

"Beatrice, you should just tel-"

"I can't."

"Yes, you ca-"

"No, I can't!" I snap. I squeeze my eyes shut to keep the tears in. "No, I can't." My voice breaks and goes soft. "Don't you see? I'm too late. I lost him. I don't even know if he _is _my boyfriend anymore. Things are too complicated to just walk over to his front door step and tell him that I love him. I can't do that. At least, not anymore."

Neither of us speak for the next few minutes.

"You really love each other, don't you?"

I blink several times, trying and failing to keep my emotions inside of me.

"I love him, but I don't know if he loves me anymore."

"He does."

"You've never even met him. How would you know?"

"You were right; if a guy is just looking for sex, he'll go for the girls without baggage. He'll go for the ones that are easy. He wouldn't stay and try to make things work. He would leave as soon as possible. You were right about that. But I also know that a guy wouldn't stay throughout any type of baggage if he wasn't serious about the relationship he was in. He wouldn't care if he wasn't in it for long-term. And based on what you just told me, I feel like I can trust this guy. Even after you guys have had a fight, you defended him. That's rare. That's how I know that my baby sister found someone who's good for her. And who am I to get in the way of that?"

Tears leak out at his speech. I should think of a million different things to say to him other than what I do, but I can't.

"I'm not a baby anymore, Caleb," I say, choked up but laughing a little bit.

"No, you're not," he says sadly.

It's quiet again. "Well now you're just making this even harder on me," I manage to get out without disturbing the lump in my throat.

"I'm sorry," he quickly says. "Let's change the topic."

"Okay...when are you coming home? Do you know for sure yet?"

He's quiet for a moment. "You, hold on."

"What? Why?"

But it's obvious he doesn't hear me. If I listen closely, I can hear voices in the background again, but I can't make out what they're saying. I hear some shouting, but finally it stops when I hear Caleb speak again.

"Make it happen."

Make what happen?

His voice comes back on.

"Tomorrow. I'll be there tomorrow."

I sit straight up. "_What?!"_

"You heard me."

"But I thought you said a week last time I talked to you!"

"And I did. But I'm coming tomorrow."

"But-but...how?! Why?!"

"I'm coming home to make sure you patch things up with Four. You're hurting and you obviously won't do it without a push."

"Can you even do that? Leave earlier than scheduled?"

"Probably not without being strongly disliked for it. But it will happen."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Just trust me. I'll put it this way." His voice gets louder and I can tell he's not only talking to me when he says this. "I'm flying home tomorrow whether they like it or not. So they can either figure something out and grant me permission, or I'll be flying home without it. I don't care either way."

I laugh tearily. "So does this mean I can tell Tori? You said a day before, right?"

"Yes, you can tell Tori."

I hear chaos in the background. I laugh again knowing that this was definitely not in the plan. Now they _have _to fly him out tomorrow. They don't have another choice.

"I've got to go, Beatrice. I'll see you tomorrow. Tell Tori about the letter; hell, you can even show her if you want to."

I laugh again as the yelling commences into louder, more urgent yelling. "I will. I will. I love you, Cal."

"I love you too, Bea."

The line ends, and I sit there with a dumb smile on my face for a few minutes. This will distract me from my problems with Four for a while.

I want to tell Tori _right now._ Unfortunately, she has a meeting at the school until 7:00 tonight.

I lay back down on the bed for probably 10 minutes before checking the time. It's only 5:00. I decide that I don't care about the stupid meeting anymore. I'm going to the school myself. This kind of news doesn't wait for two hours before being told.

I quickly run downstairs and slip on my shoes from earlier. I grab a jacket and hurry out the door, beginning my walk to the school. I start to run when I'm about a quarter of the way there.

Apparently I wasn't paying attention to where I was running and roughly run into someone on the way. I stop and turn around. The man is squatting on the ground, picking up papers that I made him drop. I immediately get down on my knees and start to help him.

"I'm so sorry, I must not have been watching where I was going…" I trail off. Something doesn't seem right. I stare at the other pair of hands in front of me. I gulp as I see they look extremely familiar. The hands are rough, ragged, cracked, bruised, and look like they could choke the life out of anything without remorse. A weight sinks into the bottom of my stomach. They sure do look familiar- _too _familiar.

The hands run through my mind in small flashes. I argue with myself about my next move. Do I run? Do I hide? Do I simply keep moving towards the school, hoping he doesn't recognize me too? Do I look?

Without thinking it through, I chance a small glance up at him. Even though I was pretty sure I knew who it was, it's different knowing it. I feel myself pale, and I freeze out of shock.

He smirks at me. "What's the matter, huh princess? Didn't think you'd ever see me again?"

I know I should move. I should run, hide, keep moving, pretend I'm someone else, at least do _something_, but my body does not cooperate.

"I don't know why you're so shocked; I mean, I _did _tell you I'd see you soon, didn't I? Remember? Right after your good for nothing friends showed up and saved you."

My feet finally start to unfreeze. I stand up slowly and start to walk backwards. His manic laugh fills my ears as his eyes turn cold.

"If you plan on running, do it now."

And that's exactly what I do.

**I know, I know! I'm sorry! But I am already working on the next chapter as you read this! It'll be up soon enough! **

**Also, I know it's a few days late and I feel really bad about it, but happy birthday anyways to Funfunfun151515! I really hope you had a great birthday! I really wanted to get this chapter up by Saturday for a birthday gift from me to you, but unfortunately it did not work out. But I just wanted to let you know that I **_**did **_**read your oh so kind review, and that I sincerely wish you a happy birthday, even if it is late! (By the way, my favorite number is 15 so it was fun seeing that you had three of them in your username.:D)**

**Thank you for all the support guys! I really appreciate it, and I promise to have the next chapter up soon! But until then, can we get to 570 reviews, 315 favorites, and 370 follows?**

**Until next time!**


	38. Chapter 38

**Hey guys! I'm back again! I know last chapter was an awful place to leave you guys hanging, so I tried my best to get this chapter up and ready for you as quick as possible!**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Divergent series. If I did, I wouldn't be here writing for you guys right now. **

**Chapter 37**

**Tris' POV**

The adrenaline rushes through my body as I sprint towards home. I can hear him behind me a little ways and speed up even more. After what seems like forever, I reach home. I yank open the door and quickly slam it behind me, locking it. I shakily take a few steps back and stare. This can't be happening. How did Eric even find me?!

I quickly snap back into action and run around the house, closing every curtain, every blind, and locking every possible door and window. I push a heavy wooden chair up against the front door and plan on putting more stuff in front of it, but I don't have enough time. He's already here.

"Oh, Beatricccccccccccccce. I know you're in thereeeeeeeee," he sings.

I shrill as I come to terms with the present. This is happening. This is real. Eric is _here_.

"You can either let me in and we'll do this the easy way, or I'll let myself in and we'll do this the hard way. You decide."

I obviously don't listen to him; instead, I think. Where do I go? What do I do?

I immediately think of the hallway panel, but then I realize that it takes too long to open and I can't take any chances. If he would see me, there would be nowhere for me to run to.

I hurriedly try to think of other secret places in my house, but nothing comes to mind. So what can I do?

_Call 911. That's what you should do._

I put my hands in the pocket of my coat and curse as I realize it's up in my room. We don't have a home phone, so I can't use it.

My heart thumps faster and harder at the realization that the only way I can get to my phone is to be trapped in a room with a bed, an unlockable door, and no weapons...with Eric...alone.

I'm going to have to take that risk, though. What else can I do?

I quickly run to the kitchen and grab a knife. If nothing else, at least I'll have this. My hands shake as I grab it. I quickly take off my shoes and drop them there before running upstairs as quietly as possible. As I open my room door, I hear the front door open and the chair being scooted away. I only have about a minute to find my phone before he finds me.

I start searching. Why couldn't I have just put it in my pocket when I was done talking to Caleb instead of setting it someplace I don't remember?

I look for what seems like forever when I know that realistically, it was probably only 30 seconds. And then I see it.

Then, out of all the worst case scenarios I've thought of while I'm searching for my phone, the worst one happens.

As I'm reaching for my phone, a glass cup on my dresser falls and shatters. It feels as if time stops for a moment. But then it picks back up as his voice rings throughout the house.

"Oh, _Beatrice_! I heard that!"

I unlock my phone and do the only thing I have time for; I hit the record button on the camera, set it upright against my nightstand so it captures the door area, and pray that it will come in handy later. I lock my phone so Eric can't stop it from recording if he happens to notice it.

I start to hyperventilate as I look for a place to hide. I immediately think of my closet, but then remember that whenever people hide in closets in the movies they're always caught. And although they may not be real, it's still enough to get me searching for another place to hide.

_A closet? C'mon, Tris. You should've known it would be too obvious._

In a split second, I dive into my bathroom and shut the door, locking it behind me. I stand against the opposite wall with my knife outstretched, mentally preparing myself for the future. I close my eyes and say a silent prayer. Hopefully if there's someone out there to hear it, they'll help me.

I hear my room door open and the only things I can hear right now are his footsteps crunching against the broken glass and my heartbeat in my ears.

"Beatricccccccce….come out, come out wherever you are…."

I hear my closet door open and let out a silent breath of fear as I realize he could've found me right then.

I take a moment to look around the bathroom. Surely there's something I could use in here to hurt him other than my knife. My eyes land on my straightener. It may not help at all, but it could at least make him trip up just enough for me to escape and get help.

I silently walk over and plug it in, turning it to the highest heat it can possibly go, and put it on turbo mode. I hear his footsteps coming towards the bathroom and pray one last time.

The doorknob jiggles quite roughly. I let out a sharp breath and start to encourage the straightener to heat up faster in my head.

"Beatrice, are you in there?" he asks before jiggling the doorknob again.

I start to silently cry out of fear.

_Please, whoever can hear this, please help me. Please._

It's unsettlingly quiet for a few minutes. And then I hear the click of the door unlocking.

_This will have to do. 400 degrees isn't bad._

I quickly unplug the straightener and before I can think anymore about it, I reach out and press the burning hot metal onto his flesh. As expected, he shouts in pain and is momentarily distracted. I drop the straightener and duck under his arm. I'm almost to my bedroom door when his hands wrap around my leg, causing me to trip and fall onto the broken glass. I let out a blood curdling scream as the glass sinks into my arms and stomach. I turn onto my back carefully, but quickly.

He leers over me. I hold out the knife in front of me. My hands are shaking in fear, but I burn with determination. I _will _get out of this. I _have _to.

"Doesn't feel so good, huh princess? Do you wanna know what you just did to me? You wanna know how this feels?"

At the same time he presses the metal onto my arm, I cut his hand. We both scream, but before I can get up again, he's yanked the knife from my grip, held it against my throat, and pinned me down. The blood from his hand drips off onto my shoulder. I feel a little better knowing that I was at least half successful in my attempts to defend myself against Eric this time around.

"I could end you right here, right now, princess. You know that right?"

My heart sinks as I realize that he's right. One slice with the knife he's holding, and I'm gone forever. But I don't let him see that it gets to me. I instead glare at him and squirm from underneath his hold on me. He laughs.

"It's useless to try and escape, Beatrice. We can play this game over and over and over again, but I will always win. Always."

I shiver at his voice. He smirks. "Now, what d'ya say you and me have a little..._fun_?"

I clench my jaw. I will not show that he is getting to me. Even if he kills me, I will not show any sign of pain or weakness. If I die, I want to go out without giving him the satisfaction he craves to see. I will not give him what he wants.

He chuckles. "So you're a fighter now, huh? We'll see how long it takes for that to change. I've always wanted to see you on your knees."

He grins and, while keeping the knife on my throat, lifts my shirt up with his teeth. I fight the urge not to cringe, but wiggle underneath him to try and pull my shirt back down.

He keeps pulling it higher and higher and I realize that the only foolproof way to make him stop is to scream.

So I do.

It only lasts for a few seconds before he stops and slaps his hand over my mouth. He makes a tutting noise.

"You're really not going to make this easy, are you?"

I glare at him even harder. I spit in the bloody hand covering my mouth. He yanks it off, disgusted, and I start to scream again. He slaps me hard enough that I know it will definitely leave a mark later, but it still doesn't shut me up. So now, instead of covering my mouth or slapping me, he stops me by pushing the knife harder into my throat and shoving his tongue in my mouth; it makes me want to puke.

I am able to shove his tongue out of my mouth after a bit, but I'm not able to stop the knife. And by the feel of it, it drew blood. I fight the urge to gag.

"Now, now, now...you can either keep doing this the hard way or we can do the easy way. The easy way will be much. Less. Painful."

With each accentuated word, he pushes the knife further in. I crane my neck farther back to try and relieve some of the pressure. It doesn't work; if anything, it makes it worse.

"So, which one will you choose, princess?" he asks menacingly.

And then I hear something. Of course, it could be all in my imagination and what I do next could make my situation so much worse, but hopefully it's not. Hopefully it's really what I hear, and the front door really did just open. Hopefully those really are footsteps coming up the stairs.

And hopefully, it's someone here to save me.

"Neither," I state stubbornly, bravely. I'm just thankful that Eric is too busy focusing all of his attention on torturing me to notice the footsteps that have just stopped outside the door.

"_What_ did you just say to me?" he hisses.

"I. Said. _Neither_."

He growls. "The hard way it is," he says and pushes the knife roughly into my neck without being careful anymore. It hurts so much it brings tears to my eyes and I can't help but let out a small gasp of pain. I struggle to breathe fully with him partially blocking my airway.

"Now let's play, Beatrice," he says, a wild look in his eyes.

"You picked the wrong girl to play with," another voice says before hitting Eric in the head with what looks like a pan. The pressure of the knife is immediately released and Eric collapses on top of me. I gasp hungrily for the air I lost ans cough madly as I try to push Eric off of me. I gag several times and start to sob as the realization of what just happened hits me. Eric suddenly moves on his own and I'm afraid that he actually isn't knocked out and start to freak out again. But then I see that Eric is still, in fact, unconscious as the person who saved me drags him off of me and drops him to the side.

I blink hurriedly to try and get the tears away for a moment so I can see their face. It works, surprisingly, and I see the person plain and clear.

"Four," I gasp out.

He carefully drops beside me and pulls my shirt back down over my stomach. His eyes are worried, concerned, sad, angry. I see tears in his eyes as well.

"The police will be here any minute, okay?"

I reach up towards Tobias' face. He leans down and I cup his cheeks. I smile at him and let out another sob.

"I didn't think anybody was going to come," I whisper.

He smiles back, tears still in his eyes. "I'll always come, no matter what," he whispers back.

I laugh for no apparent reason. All I know is that even though the circumstances aren't the greatest, I'm beyond happy that I can see and hold his face again.

"I'm so happy you came," I whisper.

He leans down and puts his forehead against mine. Our tears mix. I've never seen Tobias cry; I never thought I would love to see that day. But I guess I was wrong. All that needs to happen to make him cry is put his girlfriend in a life-or-death situation. No big deal.

He pulls back a moment later and moves closer to me on the floor. I remember the shards of glass on the floor and urgently rasp out, "Be careful! There's glass!"

He laughs through his tears. "I love you. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you."

I'm not sure what's so funny, but I smile anyways at his words.

After a few more moments, I suddenly remember that I was recording this whole thing. I let go of the grip I have on his face and point to my nightstand from a few feet away.

"My phone," I just manage to get out. It's not that the knife went in incredibly deep and I'm unable to speak, but it put me into a state of shock. I can barely register anything that's just happened. It just doesn't seem real.

Tobias quickly stands up and grabs my phone. He squats back down and hands it to me. I try to unlock it to stop recording, but my fingers are too shaky to hit the keys correctly. I push it into his hands.

"3, 6, 8, 7."

He gets what I'm trying to tell him and immediately unlocks it. He then hands it to me again. I push the stop button and let out another sob as I see the length. From the time I started recording to the time I stopped was 18 minutes. _Only_ 18 minutes. It felt like hours that I had to endure this. Hours and hours and hours. Then come to find out that it was only _18 minutes. _

But then I realize that if Tobias hadn't heard me, it _could've_ been hours that I would have had to endure that.

"Thank you," I whisper to him.

I hear sirens and know that the police are almost here.

"You don't need to thank me. Now, do you think you can stand up?"

I nod. "He didn't hurt me _that_ badly."

He rolls his eyes but chooses not to say anything. He extends his hand and I grab it with the hand that doesn't have small pieces of glass wedged into it. He gently pulls me up. As soon as I'm up, I start to shake all over. He supports my weight as he leads me over to my bed. He sits us both down on the edge and I immediately hide my face in his neck. One arm goes around my lower back and his other hand rests on my knee. I close my eyes. Maybe if I can pretend none of this happened and just focus on him, all of this will go away for a little bit.

I suddenly hear the sirens stop and realize that they're here. The front door opens and we hear a shout.

"CPD! Show yourselves!"

Tobias shouts for me. "We're up here! It's safe for now!"

Footsteps hurry up the stairs and I hear the door being opened. I don't take my face out of his neck; I don't want to face this yet.

"Is this the offender?" I hear a female ask.

"Yes," Tobias answers.

"And this is the victim?"

I feel eyes on me and turn more into Tobias.

"Yes," he answers for me again.

"And I take it you're the 911 caller?" the woman asks.

"Yes," he says once more.

"Sawman, Drake, get this guy into the car and take him down to the station. Make sure the paramedics get here, and when they do, send them up to this room; I don't think this one is moving anytime soon."

"Yes ma'am," two men, which I can only assume are the so called Sawman and Drake, say.

My room door opens again a moment later and I hear people walking out.

"Hey sweetheart, what's your name?"

I know she's talking to me, and usually I would be offended by someone calling me sweetheart, but I can hear her southern accent and know that it wasn't aimed specifically towards me.

Tobias's thumb rubs small circles on my hip, gently coaxing me to answer her.

"Tris," I say softly into Tobias's neck after a minute silence.

"Well, Tris, my name's Lexie. It's very nice to meet you. Can I see your pretty eyes for a moment?"

I shake my head, tears leaking out. Tobias' hand squeezes my knee.

"Aw, c'mon sweetheart. I ain't gonna hurt ya. I promise I don't bite," she tries again.

Tobias' voice quietly whispers into my ear. "It's okay, Tris. She's here to help, okay? I'll still be here."

I bite my lip and slowly turn my head towards the voice. I'm immediately taken aback by how beautiful Lexie is. Her curly blonde hair frames her face perfectly, her hazel eyes seem to sparkle with unknown strength, her cheekbones are high and prominent, and her lips are curled into a small, perfect smile. This girl shouldn't be in the police force; she looks much too gentle for that. She looks like she should be back down in Texas wearing boots and a cowboy hat, going horseback riding and rounding up cattle with the sheep dog; even her name suggests that idea. I immediately feel like I can trust her.

"Look at them eyes; now ain't they the most precious things you've ever seen?"

I flick my eyes back and forth between her and different parts of my room.

"Hey, can I tell you something sweetheart?"

I slowly nod.

"That guy ain't gon' hurt you anymore."

"How can you be so sure?" I finally speak up.

"I'll make it my personal goal to make sure he ends up behind bars. But in order to do that, I'm gonna need you to answer some questions for me, okay sweetheart?"

I contemplate the meaningfulness behind her words. I eventually decide that she's being serious and telling the truth, and I decide to trust her and do what she asks.

"Okay," I say shakily.

"Don't worry hun, I'm not going to push you into anything you don't want to answer yet; I just need to know the basics, okay? But if there are any questions you don't feel comfortable answering or feel they don't relate to the current situation, you can simply say 'unrelated' or 'I'm not comfortable with this question', and I'll move on."

I nod.

"One more thing before we start; try not to use your voice that much. I'd rather you whisper until the paramedics come get a look at you and that throat of yours. Also, I can write what you say if you aren't okay with this, but would you be alright if I recorded this conversation?"

I think for a moment then nod again. She's just doing her job. I trust her. It will probably make things easier on her part.

She flashes me a small grin and pulls out a small recorder from her pocket. She clicks the red button on top and I know she's started recording. She holds the recorder up farther towards me. I'm guessing that she's only doing this so it can hear my whispers.

"We'll start with the easy questions, okay? Let's dive into the yes or no category. That sound good to you?"

And once again, I nod.

"Wonderful." She smiles softly at me before her face turns serious. "The offender found unconscious in your room caused the injuries inflicted on you now, yes or no?"

"Yes," I whisper.

"Breaking and entering: did he or did he not commit this crime?"

"He did," I whisper. This isn't so bad.

"Would you say he's done enough to you to be charged with assault?"

"Yes," I whisper without hesitation.

"What was the offender's name?"

"Eric Powell."

"Now, we're gonna move on to some of the more difficult questions, okay sweetheart? Are you going to be alright with that or do we need to wait for a guardian to show up?"

I shake my head. "I'm alright. I'll do whatever it takes to get him in jail."

She smiles again. "I'm sure you will."

"Wait - but I still need to call Tori and tell her what's happened," I quickly say.

"And who is Tori?"

"She's my guardian. I was actually going to the school to go tell her something, and that's where I ran into...well, _him_."

She slowly nods. "And why would Tori be at the school at this time of day?"

"She's a teacher; they had a meeting tonight until seven o'clock."

"And what was so important that you couldn't wait until Tori got home to tell?"

I shake my head. "Unrelated." I feel the questioning stare of Tobias as I answer.

"I can call her if you want," Tobias suggests.

I shake my head. "No. Please stay."

He doesn't move. I don't think he wants to leave me alone either.

Lexie stays true to her word and moves on to the next question. "Were you getting to the school by foot when you were on your way?"

"Yes. I was running in order to try and warm myself up." That's partially true, anyways.

"You said you ran into the offender. Could you please explain more?"

"Well, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going while I was running and ran into someone. I had stopped and turned around to see who I had knocked over. I saw it was a man, but I didn't know who it was until I started to pick up the papers he dropped and looked up at his face."

"Did the offender say anything to you during this time?"

I gulp. Tobias can feel my hesitation and moves his hand from my knee to my hand. I grip onto it with all I've got.

"Yes."

"Can you repeat to me what he said?"

I take a deep breath. "First he asked me what the matter was, and did I really think I'd never see him again? I guess I must have looked surprised because next he asked why I looked so shocked and that I should've known better than to think that I could get away from him, basically," I whisper extremely soft.

"Is that all?" she prods.

I shake my head. I feel Tobias's grip on my hand get tighter.

"What else did he say?"

"After all that, his eyes turned cold, and he told me that if I was going to run, I had better do it now," I finish.

"And did you?"

"Yes."

"Do you two have any prior...complications? History, maybe?"

I swallow hard. "Y-yes."

"Perhaps you can tell me more?"

"J-just give me a few minutes."

She nods. "Take as long as you need sweetheart. How about this? While you take the time to gather yourself, I'll call your guardian to inform her of what's happened and send the paramedics in to fix you up."

I shakily breathe in and out. "Okay."

She smiles at me, slightly calming me down. "Now I'm going to pause this recording, but before I do is there anything else you want to add on?"

I shake my head. "No."

"Alright. We will continue this afterwards, okay?"

I nod. She clicks a button and I assume it has stopped for now.

"You're doing wonderful, okay sweetheart? You're such a strong girl. You're handling this very well."

I blush but don't say anything. Little does she know that it will take its toll on me tonight and every night for a long time through nightmares. I'm numb right now, but I know I won't be when it fully settles in.

"Now, can I get Tori's contact information?" Lexie asks gently, interrupting my thoughts.

I give her the phone number. "Her full name is Victoria Black, in case you needed to know that."

"I did, actually. It makes things much more professional. Look at you; you're already one step ahead of me."

She chuckles as she realizes I'm not going to jump on her praise. She leaves the room and I listen as her footsteps retreat back downstairs. As soon as she's gone, I let out a sob. Tobias's arms immediately go around me and bring me partially into his chest. I only let myself cry for a couple minutes.

I pull back from his chest slightly afterwards. His hold on me loosens. I rub under my eyes and on my cheeks to get the tears off.

"Do I look like I've been crying?" I ask after a couple of minutes.

"Hmm." He leans in close, narrowing his eyes like he's inspecting my face. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

"No, Tris," he says. A more serious look replaces his smile as he adds, "You look tough as nails."

I manage to crack a tiny smile. He does the same before speaking up again.

"So, just so I can be civil when the paramedics look you over, where are you hurt? I'm afraid I'll lose my cool if I don't have an idea of what I should be expecting to see," he says next.

"Ummm….yeah….I-I guess so…." I trail off.

"Tris? Are you okay with me asking?"

I slowly nod. "Yeah….yeah, I am."

"Are you sure?"

I nod again and begin to tell him. "The most painful and obvious one is on my neck. I kind of fell on top of the glass too, so my stomach, arms, and one of my hands have some shards in them."

As if on cue, he immediately looks at my hands. His eyes go wide and surprised. I'm guessing he's wondering why he didn't see the shards before.

"He also burned me on the arm and slapped me. But that's about it."

"You need to stop saying 'that's _about_ it' if you don't want to be questioned more about it," he replies.

"No, really, that's it. Other than those things and scaring the absolute shit out of me, that's it."

He sighs and gently brings me into his side again. I close my eyes and rest my head in his neck again, desperate for a moment of peace.

"I'm sorry," he speaks in a hushed tone.

"For what? You have nothing to be sorry for!" I say, confused.

"Yes, I do. I'm sorry for what I said back a few nights ago. If I hadn't let my emotions get the best of me, none of this would've happe-"

"Stop, Tobias. This would've happened sometime. He was waiting for me to be alone. You wouldn't have been able to stop this. Postpone it, maybe, but not stop it. Don't blame this on yourself, okay?"

"I still need to apologize for the things I said-"

"But not now," I finish for him, taking my head out of its comfortable place in the crook of his neck and looking up at him.

"Tris-"

"Listen, I know we need to talk about it, and we will. But...just not right now. Please. Just help me get through this first, and then we can talk," I try to reason with him.

He stares at me for a while, then comes to a conclusion. "Okay. I can do that."

I sigh in relief. He kisses my forehead then surprises me by laying back on the bed.

"Come here," he mumbles and gestures up to me. I slowly and carefully lower myself next to him, making sure not to disturb any of my cuts or bruises. I do so successfully and lay my head down on his outstretched arm. His other arm comes around and rests gently on my hip, enclosing me between them.

I close my eyes allow myself to rest for a few minutes. I immediately jump up after when I hear the door open. I wince as a throb goes through my stomach. I see that it's Lexie and sigh in relief, letting my heart rate go back down. I know I'm just being paranoid when I realize who I was expecting to walk through that door.

_He's gone. The police have him. He's not here._

"Sorry sweetheart, I didn't mean to scare you. But I've got Tori on the phone, and she wants to speak to you."

Of course she does.

"Okay," I whisper.

Lexie takes a few, slow, steps towards me.

"I'll go ahead and send the medics up," she says as she hands me the phone.

"Hey Tori," I whisper, trying for both of our sakes to sound okay.

"Oh my God, Bea!" I can tell that she's in tears. "I'm so sorry for leaving you alone! If I would've known-"

"If you would've known, nothing. Listen, I've already had this talk with Four, but I'll tell you this too: even if you would've known, you couldn't have prevented this from happening. It would've happened eventually. So don't blame yourself."

"It's just natural, Bea. I'm sorry. Are you okay?!"

"I'm okay, Tori. Four saved me before Eric could hurt me too bad." So far I'm doing good. I'm playing it off as not a big deal, and even though I can sense Tobias's questioning stare, I keep it up.

"Listen, this meeting is almost over. I can't get out of it."

"You can't get out of it? Why not?" I ask, slightly panicked.

I can hear her scoff. "Jeanine won't let me."

"Even after you told her what happened?"

"Yes. Even after. I wasn't really supposed to take this phone call either, but once I saw it was the police department I knew something was up. Lucky for me, I have an _amazing _boss who understands why I had to take the phone call, and I won't get fired for it this time," she says sarcastically.

"But you can't leave?"

"Not unless you want to move again after I get fired."

I sigh. "Why does that not surprise me? Jeanine's a bitch." I truly mean that this time. Tori is keeping my mind off of things, and however little it may be, it's helping.

"You know, I never thought that I would actually be agreeing with you on this out loud, but I totally agree."

I crack a small smile. "So how close is it to being over?"

"About 50 more minutes. Maybe even 40, if I'm lucky."

"Okay. I'll see you then."

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asks, worry slipping into her tone again.

"I'm okay, Tori. But when you get here I do need to talk to you about something."

"Okay. I promise I'll leave as soon as I can, Bea."

The door opens again and I see the paramedics and Lexie walk back through.

"Okay, I need to go. I love you, Tori."

"I love you too, Bea."

She hangs up and I stretch the phone out towards Lexie. She takes it and flashes that perfect smile at me again. She slowly and gently sets her hand on my shoulder.

"These guys are going to start patching you up, okay?"

I nod.

"Now, what hurts the most right now?"

"My throat," I whisper.

As soon as I speak, a girl turns to the bag they brought up with them and grabs out a whole bunch of items. She hands them to the man next to her and he flashes a small smile at me. I force myself to send a small smile back, but I'm actually extremely uncomfortable with this man. I'm sure it has nothing to do with who he is as a person, because I'm sure he's great; the ring on his finger proves so. Plus, he's a paramedic for a living. He seems sincere enough with his smile and tone as he asks me to lay back. What screams Eric about that?

I shake my head of its ridiculous thoughts and do what he asks. I feel their fingers on my neck along with lots of cream and bandages.

"Well, lucky for you, the knife didn't go deep enough into your neck to need more advanced procedures done at the hospital. However, that doesn't mean it won't hurt for a while. I suggest wearing protective clothing around it like scarves, large sweatshirts, or turtle necks and using your voice as little as possible so as not to jar the healing process until it starts to feel a little better. But if you do plan on using your voice soon, at least wait until tomorrow when it's stopped bleeding," the man says to me as they work.

Within a few minutes, they're done with my neck and Lexie speaks to me again.

"What next, sweetheart?"

I swallow and point to my stomach and the glass in the floor. "My stomach, and my arms, and my hand. I fell onto the glass over there and I can feel the shards in my skin."

"Alright," she says, and the man and woman immediately get to work again.

"Which hand has the glass in it, sweetheart?" the woman asks me. I hold out my left hand in response. I stare up at the ceiling as they pull the shards from my hand and arms and bandage them up.

And I swear I'm perfectly fine. I'm fine laying here while they do their work. I'm completely fine….until my shirt starts to rise.

My heart rate picks up and fear grasps me. I sit up like a flash and yank my shirt back down. My mind pictures Eric reaching for me, and when a pair of unfamiliar hands reach for me I freak out even more and scream while scooting back on the bed.

"Ma'am, calm down. We're here to help."

The hands reach again and I start to sob as I scream again.

"No! Stop!" I scream.

"It's okay, ma'am. It's okay."

I'm sobbing full force now as memories of Eric rush through my mind at unreal speeds.

A pair of familiar arms wrap around me gently from behind and I bask in the feeling of safety. I immediately turn and crawl into a ball, shoving myself inside the warm embrace of their arms. They flex as they hold me, and their hands gently rub up and down, trying to calm me.

"Truman, cut it out! Don't you see what's going on here?!" I faintly hear a voice yell above my sobs.

"I'm not su-"

"The girl was almost just killed and raped by a man! If she screams when you touch her, or come close to touching her, stop and think! Go back downstairs and tell all of the boys they better not come up here unless they absolutely need to. Thank you for your help, but you freaked the poor girl out. Let this be a lesson to you for future attempted murder/rape victims. Now, go on!"

Footsteps retreat and I hear the room door open and shut. It's quiet after that, and other than my sobs and quiet whispers that I hear in my ear, I feel as if I can finally start to calm down.

"Shhh...it's okay, Tris. It's okay. I've got you. You're safe. It's over, Eric's gone. You're safe now," Tobias whispers just loud enough for me to hear.

It takes a while longer, but I eventually stop crying. It takes a few minutes after that for Tobias to coax me out of my place in his arms. Eventually he does.

I turn myself to face Lexie and one paramedic. I'm guessing the one that's missing was the man Lexie was yelling at earlier when I was having a mental breakdown. I blush, embarrassed.

"Okay sweetheart, I got rid of Truman, the other medic. Would it be alright with you now if it was just Abigail here who cleaned up your stomach?"

I slowly nod. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

Lexie an Abigail smile at me. "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. In fact, _I'm _sorry for not thinking about your situation and how stupid it would be to bring another man into your personal space so quickly. How you just reacted is completely natural. Although, usually when that happens...nevermind," Lexie says.

I'm confused by her statement at the end, but know she isn't going to delve into that by the look on her face, so I let it go.

"Do you want me to start cleaning up your stomach yet, or would you like me to wait a little longer?" Abigail asks, a knowing look on her face. Her eyes shine with admiration and longing. I'm confused by this, but nod anyways.

I crawl off of Tobias's lap, but stay close to him as I lay down. He grabs my right hand in between both of his and brings it to his lips before resting them on his chest. I can feel his steady heartbeat underneath my fingertips and it immediately calms me even more.

I find myself staring into his eyes as Abigail works on bandaging up my stomach. He stares back, comforting me immensely.

Soon enough, Abigail tells me I can sit back up.

"Now, I need you to lift your shirt up for me so I can wrap this around your stomach. We don't want the cuts getting infected."

"Okay," I whisper and start to lift it up.

She stops me. "Here's the tricky part; I need you to lift your hands up while I do this. So you have two options here: a, you take your shirt off completely, or b, you have someone else lift it up for you."

I frown. I don't want to take my shirt off. It'd make me feel too exposed, too embarrassed. But that only leaves me with one other option.

I slowly, cheeks burning, turn my head to look at Tobias. I run my lip through my teeth nervously, contemplating how I should ask him.

Luckily, I don't have to, and he understands exactly why I'm looking at him. He nods at me and kisses my forehead.

"I take it we have it figured out then?" Abigail asks.

I nod and, with cheeks still red, slowly raise my arms up. I feel Tobias's careful fingers lift my shirt up and goosebumps raise across my skin.

I feel more exposed than ever. At least when Eric did this, it was only him that was staring at my imperfections, not three other people. At least I knew that only one person had seen me that exposed before.

Then I realize how ridiculous I'm being. These people aren't staring; they're helping me heal. They're not here to judge. Eric was so much more cruel; they are gentle.

I take a deep breath and put all those thoughts into the back of my mind. I put them into a box and toss the key away.

I keep quiet and calm for the rest of the time.

"Is there anything else I should know about?" Abigail asks after my stomach has been wrapped and my shirt has been put back down.

"Yes, but it's just a little burn. On my arm. It's nothing much."

"Well, I think I better take a look at it anyways," she says and smiles.

I hold out my arm and she tuts as she looks at it. "This looks awfully close to a second degree burn, young lady. You know what that means?"

I bite my lip, nervous. "What?"

"It means that it isn't 'just a little burn'," she says, a twinkle in her eye.

I find myself cracking a smile. "Sorry."

She smiles and shakes her head at me, putting some gauze and special cream on my arm.

"Mind telling me how you got this?" she asks.

"Umm...the straightener," I whisper and nod with my head over to where it lies on the floor. She nods and continues on.

"Now, about that face of yours…" she mumbles. I frown and even though I know I'm not pretty, it still hurt. I don't realize that she was talking about the cheek where Eric slapped me until her hand gently grabs it. It sends stinging across my entire cheek and I flinch away.

She sighs. "I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about that. Just apply ice whenever you can; that will help the swelling go down. Other than that, I think you're good to go. Unless there's something else…?"

I think for a moment then shake my head. I'm already feeling much better to be completely honest. "No. there's nothing else."

She smiles at me again. "Okay, then I will be on my way."

Lexie speaks up for the first time in a while. "Thanks so much Abigail. Tell Truman I'm sorry for snapping."

"I will," she says. She packs up her stuff and grabs the handles of the bag. She turns to leave, but before she does she turns to me one last time. "You're one of the strongest girls I've met. There's something about you that tells me you're gonna get through this, so just keep hanging on, okay?"

I bite my lip and look down. "Okay," I whisper.

Her footsteps retreat back out into the hall and fade away. I face Lexie.

"Are you ready, sweetheart?" she asks.

I reach for Tobias's hand and grab it. He squeezes my hand and I squeeze back. I take a deep breath and exhale. Then I nod.

She pulls the recorder from her pocket and pushes the red button down again.

"So, let's start again, shall we? Now, do you and the offender have any past history before today?"

I take a deep breath again and squeeze Tobias's hand for courage. "Yes,"

That's it. I told Lexie everything: the rape, the bullying, the beating up, the threats, and the attack that just happened today. I have tears streaming down my cheeks still from the aftermath. I'm in Tobias's lap now; I moved almost right after I told her about the rape. His arms are wrapped tightly around me, grounding me to the world.

Lexie lays her hand on my shoulder, and I lift my head up to look at her. She gives me a small, sad smile.

"You are a very brave girl. You should be proud of yourself for handling it so well."

I shake my head. "I wasn't _brave_. I could've...I could've not ran from him. I could've st-stabbed him. I could've tried harder to get away from him."

She sighs and I see her look at Tobias.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of this," he says, although I'm not entirely sure what he's referring to.

Suddenly the door bursts open and I find myself jumping, turning, and hiding in Tobias' chest.

"Bea!" Tori's voice yells. Tobias's grip on me loosens as he realizes that Tori will probably want to run her hands all over me, real worried-mother like.

I climb off his lap reluctantly and as soon as I do, her arms go around me and hug me tightly.

"Oh my God! Thank goodness you're alright!" she exclaims, pulling back and, like I predicted, running her fingers across my face, my arms, my neck, checking for any injuries that the paramedics may not have already taken care of.

"What happened!?" she exclaims again. Without meaning to, I shake my head and feel tears run down my cheeks again.

"No, I can't...not again," I whisper to her, begging her to understand.

She looks confused.

Tobias clears his throat and stands up. "Hey Tori…."

She looks to him, and he nods his head over to where Lexie is standing.

"Oh! Right! I'm so sorry! How rude of me!"

Tori rushes over to Lexie and shakes her hand.

"Victoria Black," she says, formerly introducing herself.

"Alexis Hart. Although you can just call me Lexie," she says, grinning at her.

"Well, you can call me Tori. Thank you so much for saving my goddaughter. I don't know what I would have done without you," Tori says, tears in her eyes.

"You're quite welcome Tori, but it's not me you should be thanking. I wasn't the one to save your goddaughter," she states matter-of-factly.

"But...who did?"

I finally look over to Tobias, along with Lexie. He's scratching the back of his neck with a slight tinge of red on his cheeks.

"This young man here did," Lexie finishes.

It takes a moment for Tori to react, but when she does she runs over to him and gathers him up into her arms. His cheeks go even more red as he awkwardly wraps his arms around her too.

When she finally pulls back, she puts her hands on either side of his face. "Thank you so much, Four. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don't know how I- we-" She gestures to me. "-will ever be able to repay you.

"You don't have to," he says, looking to me and smiling. "I'd do it again any day."

Now it's my turn to blush. I look down at the bed beneath me.

"Still, if there's anything you ever need, anything at all, let me know and I'll see what I can do," Tori says gratefully.

Lexie clears her throat. "I take it you know this handsome fellow?" she asks.

Tori nods. "He's her boyfriend," she states.

"Well that makes much more sense," Lexie says. "If they weren't a couple yet, I was predicting they would be soon."

I feel my cheeks grow dark again, and I see that Tobias's do too. It makes me smile a bit.

I look back up as Lexie starts to speak again. "Tris, I know we just got done with the questions, and I promise you we are done, but I need to ask if there's anything else I should know about."

I'm about to say no when I remember that I recorded the whole thing.

"Actually, yes," I shakily say and stand up from the bed. Tobias immediately moves over to me, probably for support if I need it. Fortunately for me, I don't need his help this time around, and I can walk to my dresser and back without shaking.

"I-I set up a video camera right after I broke the glass. I was going to call 911, but I knew I didn't have the time so I did what I could and hoped it would come in handy later," I sheepishly say.

Lexie grins at me. "You have no idea how much this will help, sweetheart. This will definitely make the case much easier to present."

"I kind of hoped it would; although, I wasn't sure if I was going to be alive to see if it would help in the end or not," I admit.

Tobias sits down beside me as I go to my photo/video library. I pull the video up, but don't push play yet.

"It's right here."

Lexie and Tori both gather around me and I shakily hit the play button. I turn the volume all the way up. I sigh in relief when I see that I had positioned the camera perfectly. They should be able to see everything from this angle.

I hear a door shut in the video and know that it was me shutting the door to the bathroom. I watch as Eric walks into my room and crosses out of sight to where the bathroom door should be. I hear him speaking, telling me to come out, come out wherever I am. Shivers run through my body at the sound of his voice again, but I can't seem to move my eyes from the screen.

I hear Eric yelp and see myself run towards the exit. Eric crosses back into screen and grabs my leg, causing me to fall onto the glass. I hear myself scream and tears run down my face as I relive this experience.

"I-I can't watch this again," I whisper almost inaudible, but I still can't move my eyes. They're glued to the screen. Tobias seems to have been the only one to have heard me, and his hand comes up and covers my eyes. I sigh in relief as the video of me and Eric disappears from view. I can still hear, but this I can deal with.

I close my eyes and carefully move my head to his shoulder now that my eyes aren't stuck to the screen. I'm able to keep my eyes shut as his hand moves off of them. It moves to my hair instead, comfortingly combing through it with his fingers.

As the video progresses on, I constantly hear Tori gasp and feel Tobias tense. Both of them suck in a breath when they hear Eric tell me that he could end me right there, right then; it makes me shiver too.

After that, my hands start to shake and I know I'm probably doing a poor job at holding the phone. I feel a cool pair of soft hands take it from me a few moments later, which can only be Lexie's. I let my hands drop. Tobias wraps his arms around me and slowly brings me back into his lap. I curl myself into the smallest form I can achieve and press myself into his chest, trying to disappear. His chin sets on top of my head and he starts to stroke my hair and back with the hand that isn't occupied. I take deep breaths in of his scent.

I am able to tune out the video until I hear a comforting voice. The bad part is over. I can just make out Tobias telling me he loves me over and over again after I warned him about the glass. I hear myself asking him to get my phone and telling him the passcode. And then it's silent; it's over.

Lexie speaks up first. "This is irrefutable evidence, sweetheart. Great job. Not many people can think that quickly when they're in danger. Would you mind if I took this down to my computer in the squad car and uploaded it?"

Not trusting my voice, I shake my head.

"I'll be right back, sweetheart."

I hear her leave and as soon as she does, I feel another hand on my back - Tori's.

I take a deep breath and force myself to lean back. I feel so weak; I need to be stronger.

Tobias meets my eyes with a concerned look. I close my eyes and take another deep breath, trying to get rid of my emotions.

I open my eyes as I feel myself start to numb. Tobias looks extremely worried and frantic now.

"No. No you don't. Don't shut down. You can't do this to yourself," he quickly says to me.

"What is she doing, Four?" Tori asks worriedly.

"She's locking up all of her emotions. She's done this before. It's scary seeing her like that," he tells her.

His hand raises to my cheek that's not swollen and begs me with his eyes not to do it, but I'm already slipping away.

Tori moves over and she stares at me too. I see her eyes go worried like Tobias's..

"Do something, Four!"

"What do I do?!" he asks.

"I don't know! Make her feel something!"

I can hear them, but strangely their words go in one ear and out the other. They sound gurgly.

And then, there are lips on mine. I don't kiss back at first, but slowly, very slowly, I begin to feel warmth flow through me and I kiss him back. The lips pull back and I find myself staring into his worried eyes.

"What was that for?" I ask him.

He and Tori both sigh in what seems to be relief.

"Don't you dare shut down. That will only make things worse in the end, okay?" Tobias says to me.

"But-"

"No but's, missy. You will not close off your thoughts and emotions. You hear me?" Tori says.

I stare at both of them for a while then sigh. "Fine."

The door opens, and Lexie suddenly walks back in holding my phone.

"That was quick," I say, slightly shocked.

She grins. "It wasn't a long upload, and the computer took it with no problems. But don't delete it yet; just in case the system would, for some reason, get rid of it, I may need it again."

I nod and take my phone back. I hand it to Tobias, who hands it to Tori, who then sets it on my bed.

"Okay, we're almost done here folks. Since you were a witness-" She points to Tobias. "I need your statement and I'll have to ask you some questions too. Now, if I remember correctly, Tris here needs to talk to Tori about something quite important, so would it be okay if we went into another room to do this?"

I don't want to be without him. No. Not at all. After all, I just got him back. But much to my dismay, he nods and starts to move me out of his lap. I throw my arms around him, not cooperating. I'm afraid that if he leaves, he'll never come back.

"Tori, could you show me another room we can be in?" Lexie asks.

I hear the bed creak as she gets up. "Of course."

The door shuts a moment later and Tobias's arms slip around me.

"Hey, it's okay," he whispers.

I shake my head. "No," I mumble.

His arms wrap around me tighter. "It'll only take a little bit. Just a few minutes. You can do that. We lasted three days without speaking; I know you can do this."

I take a deep breath. "But I don't want to."

"You have to. Before you know it, you'll have told Tori whatever you need to tell her, I'll be back, and this will be over."

I sigh. "I shouldn't have told her everything."

"Tris, don't do this."

"Don't do what?"

"Wish for the easy way out. Sometimes life gets hard, but you have to keep pushing through it, okay?" I don't say anything. After a few moments, he speaks up again. "You don't know how proud I am of you for telling Lexie everything. You have no idea how strong you are."

I shake my head. "No, I'm weak. I couldn't get Eric off of me, and I didn't even fight back when he got me the first time."

"Tris!" he barks, surprising me and making me pull back.

"I swear, if you say that you're weak one more time, I _will _arrange some punishments."

I raise an eyebrow. "Punishments?"

"Yes. Punishments."

"...Like?"

"Like...Christina doing your makeup and forcing you into heels, Uriah talking in your ear all day long, and Tori forcing you to eat three times as much of what you already do."

I scowl at him. "But what if I'm telling the truth?"

"You're not. You are incredibly strong, and you have no idea how much it bugs me that you don't see that."

I roll my eyes. His hands land on either side of my cheek, but the hand on the one with the swolleness barely brushes it. It surprises me, how gentle his hands can be.

"I'm being serious, Tris. You did fight back, but he had a knife; you did what you could do, and it was probably a lot knowing you."

I shake my head and start to protest but he cuts me off.

"We all saw that video of today, Tris. You were incredibly brave and used your mind to create a plan when you only had a split second to make a decision. It's really amazing, actually," he tells me.

I frown. "What is?"

"Most people can't think straight when put into danger. They make dumb decisions and their instincts lead them to feel like they aren't awake, like they're just in a dream. They shut down. For you, it's different. Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up. I've seen it. It's fascinating."

I stare at him. "I still could've-"

"No, you couldn't have. Whatever you're about to say, you couldn't have. You did everything and more that you could. You have to take into account that you're human, Tris."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that it's alright to be scared when you're put into a dangerous situation. You have to realize that during this time your body reacts and causes you to think in a different way than you normally would. It's not your fault that afterwards, if you make it out alive, a bunch of other ideas come popping into your head that you swear could have worked. But most of the time, they wouldn't have worked anyways."

"Why not?"

"Because when your body reacts, your fight-or-flight instincts come in and they cause you to think and act on impulse. A lot of times, you think more intelligently then because of the rush of adrenaline. You act on what sounds like it will work, and you go from there. Your brain automatically eliminates several ideas that you may be thinking now because it knows that it's too planned; you have to be ready to change in a moment's notice. _That's _what I mean."

I let it all sink in for a minute, then open my mouth to speak. "How do you know so much about this?"

"Marcus."

"I'm sorry," I automatically apologize.

"You have no reason to apologize. Just because he's a bad part of my past doesn't mean that I can't handle hearing his name or talking about him."

I slowly nod.

"I know because on the days where the beatings were bad, I experimented. Some days I was able to turn off my fight-or-flight instincts and use my regular ones. It almost never worked that way."

I exhale loudly. "But-"

"But nothing. You're one of the strongest people on this planet."

I blush and he smiles. "No, I'm not."

He kisses my forehead. "We _could_ argue about this, but you will never change my mind about it."

I sigh. "Fine."

The door opens and I hear footsteps come back in.

"Are you ready, Four?" Lexie asks him.

He nods, and this time I let him get up. He kisses my forehead once before walking to the door with Lexie and shutting it behind them.

"So what do you need to tell me?" Tori asks.

I take a deep breath and turn to her. "I need you to promise me something first."

"Sure, anything!" she says sincerely.

"You need to promise that you keep your mind open. I know it's been drilled into your head differently, and mine too, but you have to believe me."

She looks skeptical. "I promise...now spill."

"Caleb's alive."

She stares at me with no expression change for several minutes.

"Tris…."

"Just….listen, okay?"

"Tris, sweetie, I think this got to your head too much. Are you feeling sick at all?" she asks and reaches over to press the back of her hand to my forehead. I pull back before she can.

"I know it seems impossible, but I promise it's not."

"Beatrice, it is impossible."

"That's what I thought too," I reply. "At least until I talked to him."

Her eyes grow wide. "You _what?!"_

"I talked to him. On the phone. I've talked to him twice now."

She sputters for several minutes. "But-but…"

"I know. Trust me, I know. And I would love to be able to tell you more, but I think that I should only tell you the basics today, and wait for Caleb to tell you the details tomorrow."

She looks at me with disbelief. "Beatrice, honey…"

"Tori, listen to me!" I snap. She looks shocked that I did that. It's the first time I've used my voice that loudly since the paramedics told me not to. My neck throbs where it's cut, but I ignore it. I lower my voice back down to a whisper. "He was in the Witness Protection Program. He saw something he shouldn't have and reported it to the police. It turns out that he messed with the wrong group of guys and they went after him."

I feel myself getting choked up and can barely get the next sentence out.

"That wreck, Tori..." I take a deep breath. "...that wreck wasn't an accident."

She jerks back and her face goes pale. "Please tell me this is some sick joke."

"No, it's not," I whisper.

She stares for a long time again. While she does, I stand up and go to my bookshelves. I grab the dustiest one on the shelf and open it to the page I kept the letter in. I take the letter out, blow the dust off of it, and head back over to Tori.

"He wrote this for me the day of the wreck-before it happened. It doesn't explain everything since he didn't know that the wreck was going to happen, but it should explain a few other things."

I carefully hand her the letter. Her shaky hand reaches out to grasp it and she opens it.

"This is his handwriting," she absentmindedly says to me.

"I know," I say. "Now read it."

She nods and her eyes start to move back and forth on the lines of the paper. Her face gets paler by the minute, and at the end she looks the way I did after I talked to Caleb for the first time.

Her eyes come up over the letter and catch mine. "I-I don't believe it…."

"I know it's hard to. Even I am having a hard time believing it and I found out about this three days ago."

"Three _days_!? Why didn't you tell me before now?!"

I laugh nervously. "Well...here's another big shocker coming your way…"

She raised an eyebrow. "What?" she asks slowly and suspiciously.

I take a deep breath. "He's coming home."

Her eyes widen to the size of saucers. "_What?" _

"Shh! Keep your voice down!" I whisper/yell. "Yes, he's coming home."

She gasps and is barely able to keep a hold of herself. "How do you know?!"

I wince. "I talked to him after school."

"Where the hell is he?!" she asks next.

"He's not anywhere close to here."

"Then where is he?!" she yells again.

"Shhhh Tori!" I whisper/yell again. "You can't yell anymore! And I can't tell you where he is! I'm the only one who can legally know!"

She takes a deep breath and composes herself. "Alright. I can stop yelling. I still think this is a dream, but I can do that." She takes another breath. "When?" she asks.

I bite my lip and run it through my teeth.

"Beatrice…? When is he coming home?" she asks both suspiciously and nervously.

I take a deep breath of my own. "Tomorrow."

She comes close to falling off the edge of the bed. She manages to steady herself at last minute before whipping her head back to me.

"He's _what_?"

I wince. "He's coming back home tomorrow from where the Witness Protection Program located him."

She shakes her head. "I don't know why I'm taking this so seriously. I mean, it's just a dream, right?"

I bite my lip again and stay quiet while she talks herself into the idea that Caleb is alive.

"Punch me, Beatrice."

I do so without hesitation. She winces and pulls back her arm.

"This isn't a dream…." she finally says a little while later.

"No," I sigh. "It isn't."

She's quiet for about 5 minutes this time. I leave her be; I know I was the same way when I found out.

"I...I just don't know how…." she finally says.

I sigh. "I'll let Caleb explain that to you when he gets here tomorrow. It's a _long _story."

She sighs. "Please tell me you're not messing with me."

I shake my head. "I'm not. This letter is what I went to go get in Haviland three nights ago. I talked to Caleb for the first time that night too. My mind got pretty messed up, and it took forever to take the news in. So I completely understand if it will take a while for you too; although, you only have so long before he comes home."

"Why didn't you tell me three nights ago then? Why only just now?"

I sigh. "I couldn't. You have no idea how much I wanted to shake you when I got back that night and scream that he was alive, but I couldn't. You weren't direct blood. I was the only one who could know about his location and situation. I was only allowed to tell you one day before he came home, which was originally planned for later in the week."

"So why is he coming home now? What made them change their mind?"

I blush. "Nothing."

She raises her eyebrow. "Bea?"

"It's nothing. It's not important now, anyways."

"Tell me."

I shake my head.

"Tell me _now_," she says kind of scary.

I sigh. "He's coming to help me and Four patch things up. Well...they're pretty much fixed now, but they weren't earlier when I was talking to him."

"So _that's _why you've been acting weird lately," she says, hurt. "I should've seen it. Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrug. "I didn't want to bother you. I also knew that you would try to push Four and I together and that it would just make things worse."

She sighs and brushes my hair back behind my ear. "Beatrice, honey, don't ever keep something from me because you don't want to 'bother' me. And if you do tell me, and I want to act on it, all you need to do is tell me not to do it, and I won't. If it makes you that uncomfortable, I would let you handle it, okay?"

I blush again and nod. "Okay."

"So…..you told him about Four, did you?" she asks curiously.

However, I'm not able to answer that question because the door opens and Tobias walks through with Lexie right behind him.

"Tell who about me?"

And for the third time, I blush. "Nothing," I whisper extremely soft.

He sits beside me. "I should've known I was the important subject that you couldn't wait to tell Tori about," he jokingly says.

I elbow him softly while keeping in mind his comment about my jabs a few days ago. "Not everything has to be about you, you know."

He chuckles and kisses the top of my head. He turns to the side and I wrap my arms around his waist, grateful to have him back next to me. One of his arms wrap around my back while the other rests on my hip. He leans down and whispers into my ear.

"See? I told you it would only be a little bit before I was back."

I nod. "You were right," I whisper back.

"I always am."

I sigh. "Why do you always have to ruin these moments?"

He cracks a smile. "I wouldn't call it 'ruining'. A better word for it would be 'enhancing'."

I smile and roll my eyes. He pecks my forehead.

"Okay, Tris. We're finished, but I feel like I am obligated to tell you this," Lexie interrupts.

I turn my head and meet her eyes. My stomach drops with anxiety. What happened? Why is she so solemn all of a sudden?

I nod, signaling for her to go on. She sighs and begins to speak. "Okay, I'll start with the good news. Good news is that with this current case here, we should have enough evidence to prosecute him against breaking and entering, assault, attempted murder, and quite possibly attempted rape, depending on how the prosecutors look at it. Most likely, you will not have to come to court and give a testimony. The video you had and the statement I got from you should be enough of a testimony on your end."

A bit of relief floods through me.

"However, for the previous case of rape and assault, it's likely that you will have to take it to court. There is only a couple circumstances that could occur that could keep the case from being brought to the jury."

I release the breath I've been holding. "Is there anything else I can do to help seal the first case? I mean, what are the circumstances that would have to fall?"

"Unfortunately, you've done all you can do as for right now. What we would be looking at right now as far as exceptions from court would be a series of events. To start, we would be looking for the offender admitting to your claims and pleading guilty. _If _that were to happen, we would take a statement from him. We would ask for clear evidence that this did indeed occur, and from there we would come back to you. If, and only if, your stories were to match up perfectly, you both provided clear-cut evidence, and all the people in charge of the case decided unanimously in favor of you, would this case not be taken to court. It's still a long process, but not as long as court. It's much more based off of freak events occurring than it is evidence and statements. This is much less thorough, and although it may seem like the better option, not very people have surpassed court this way; most of the time the offender is not willing to give themselves up like that. I'm not saying it can't happen, but it's very unlikely that it will. Unless one of these freak occurrences happen, I would plan on going to court for it."

I have to close my eyes to stop the dizziness I feel. I just got done revealing all my secrets to Lexie, she, unknowingly, just told Tori what I've been keeping from both her and my parents since I was 14, and now she's telling me I have to tell a whole courtroom full of people?

I take several deep breaths and move my hands to grip Tobias's arms. I would take his hands, but I want them to keep holding me.

"Is-is that _all _I can do? Just wait? Can't I do something to not take it to court?"

Lexie sighs. "Sweetheart, I wish I would say yes. I believe you wholeheartedly, I do, but I'm not sure if it will be that easy to convince the prosecutors. The only other thing you can do at this point to completely rule out the possibility of court is to drop the charges of the rape entirely. I wouldn't recommend it though; you have a pretty strong case going on for you. And with a present-day charge including assault, breaking and entering, attempted murder, and maybe attempted rape, you definitely have an advantage in court already."

I perk up at the 'dropping the charges' option. Maybe I could do it. Besides, I've lived with that for three years and not once have I thought about charging him with rape or assault. It would definitely be the easiest option, but would it be the coward's way out? Would it be something I'd regret later?

I move my head back and look into Tobias's eyes, pleading with him to tell me what to do and what to say.

"Tris," he sighs. He leans his forehead against mine, looking into my eyes up close. He whispers, "I can't tell you what to do. This is your decision. I'll support you no matter what you decide to do."

I close my eyes and let a few tears escape. "I don't want to seem cowardly."

"And you won't; everyone in this room believes you and knows how strong you must be in order to have faced that. Besides, you'll be making a brave decision either way. In one way you tell your secrets to a whole room of people, but the other way you choose to face those fears on your own."

Tears continue to dribble down my cheeks through my closed eyelids. "I'm supposed to be making the uncowardly decision here. I'm Dauntless, I should _know_ the right decision. So why am I having so much trouble deciding?"

"Because you're not just Dauntless, Tris; you're Dauntless, _and _Erudite, _and _Abnegation. You're all three of them. That means you'll make the decision that is both the smartest and bravest for you, and then you'll try to minimize the number of people you include in it as much as you can. That's the beauty of being someone like you; the way your brain works benefits you in more ways than one."

I stay quiet for several minutes, contemplating my decision. Then I finally come to a conclusion.

I pull back from Tobias's forehead, release his arms from my grip, and wipe my tears off. I turn my head to Lexie again, and for the first time since I was told not to, speak. I speak more confidently than I thought I would have, considering what I'm doing.

"I'm not going to drop the charges."

Lexie smiles softly at me. "I was kinda hoping you'd say that." She looks at her watch and her walkie-talkie radio beeps as voices come in, asking for her presence at various locations. "I've got to go, folks. My time is up. I'll leave you to it, and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to call."

"Thank you, Lexie," I speak again.

She walks over to me and picks up my hand. She squeezes it once before letting go. "No, thank _you _for showing me courage. You're a really special girl, you know that?" I blush. "I promise you'll get through this; hell, anyone who even _slightly_ resembled your personality would have no problem getting through this. I know you can." She looks to Tobias and Tori before looking back to me again. "And you've got three people who are going to love and support you throughout every step of the way."

I frown. I almost correct her to say two people, not three, but there's something in her eyes that stops me; there's something that makes me realize that she said that on purpose. Of course she would; she's not the type of person to make silly mistakes like that. But then...why _did _she say three?

Unless….

No. She couldn't possibly know...unless she was a part of it?

No. There's no way.

But then….what else could she have possibly meant?

I look at Tobias and Tori to make sure I didn't hear wrong, but I know I didn't when I see that they're confused too.

Lexie stands up and walks to the door. But before she walks through it, she turns and her eyes drill straight into mine.

"By the way Tris, have you ever seen Australia at this time of year? It's really beautiful. You should check it out sometime."

My eyes widen and my jaw drops. _She knows. She's a part of it. _

She smiles, then turns her eyes off of me and to Tobias and Tori instead, who I'm sure are even more confused. "Have a good night, guys."

Her footsteps echo against the wood downstairs as she walks across it and to the police car outside. Even after I hear her drive away, I'm still in shock. Is that why I subconsciously knew I could trust her? Because my instincts knew that she played a role in keeping my brother safe?

"What was that all about, Tris?" Tobias asks confusedly.

"Yes, I think we'd all like to know the answer to that question. Why did she all of a sudden bring up Australia?"

I force my mouth to close and form words. "I-it's nothing. Don't worry about it. I'll tell you guys later."

Everyone stays silent for a few minutes. All of a sudden, I have doubt and fear run across my mind.

"Guys?" I whisper.

"Yes?" Tori asks at the same time Tobias hums.

My lip wobbles and my voice shakes. "Did I make the right decision?" I ask and struggle not to cry.

"Oh honey," Tori says, and Tobias brings me back into his chest. "You did the right thing. You're choosing to not let him walk all over you anymore. We're proud of you for that, Bea. Although I'm a bit disappointed you never felt like you could tell me what he did….I'm glad you're choosing to face it."

I take several deep breaths. "I think I want to get out of here for a while."

"Are you sure that's a good id-" Tori starts to ask.

"I _need _to get away from here," I plead. They both look at me skeptically. "Please. I don't care what it is: a walk, a drive around the city, a get together with our friends, I don't care. I just need to do _something_."

They both stay quiet for a while, thinking it over.

"Tris-" Tobias says, giving me a look that deflated all hope in me.

"Let her."

His head whips to Tori, who is too busy looking at me to notice. Her eyes are sad but gentle.

"I thought you said that-"

"I know what I said, Four. But now I'm saying take her. In fact, I'll take it one step further; if you don't take her to meet up with the gang, or whatever she wants to do, I will not allow you to stay here for the next few nights."

"But I never asked-"

"But it was an understood concept that you would be staying."

I flick my eyes back and forth between the two. Tobias looks helpless while Tori stands confident. They're both trying to protect me in their own way, so I don't interrupt. Finally, Tobias sighs and looks at me. I bite my lip and look to him pleadingly.

"Fine. I'll take her."

I smile immediately and for the first time since I saw Eric tonight, I feel happy.

"Thank you, thank you, thank y-"

"But..." Tobias adds on. I feel my smile drop as I wait. "Only if you promise you won't leave my sight and that you'll be careful." He looks at me accusingly. My smile comes back and I throw my arms around his neck.

"I promise I will. Thank you."

"So….what do you want to do?" Tori asks.

"I want to go for a walk first. Then maybe if I'm still feeling up to it later we can do something else."

He pulls me back from his arms. He studies me for a few moments, cracks a smile, and kisses my temple.

"Okay, but you better bundle up. It's getting cold outside."

"Well, I need to wear a scarf anyways. And a coat to cover my stomach and arms. And gloves to cover my hands up. Oh! And I should probably-"

"The longer you continue, the shorter this walk will be," Tobias interrupts.

I nod and stand up off of the bed. Tori stands next to me.

"I'll make sure she dresses properly. Go on downstairs now, Four."

He smiles and shakes his head before walking out of my room. His footsteps echo downstairs.

"Okay, do you have any turtlenecks?" Tori asks.

I stick out my tongue and pretend to gag. "Why do I need to wear one?"

"You need to protect your neck."

"I'll just wear a sca-"

"No, a scarf won't cut it. Now, do you have any turtlenecks?" she asks again.

"I just have one, but I really don't want to-"

"No buts. You wear the turtleneck or you don't go."

I sigh. "Fine."

This continues until she has me in a long sleeved turtleneck, jeans (instead of sweats), a short pair of boots (instead of sneakers), a beanie that covers my ears completely, a lightweight jacket, gloves, and a scarf.

"Okay, I think this will do Tori," I say, rolling my eyes.

She rolls her eyes back. "I'm just trying to protect you."

I sigh. "I know. I'm sorry. Thank you." I wrap my arms around her and squeeze. "I love you. I know I kind of suck at showing it sometimes, but I really am thankful for you and everything you do for me. Thank you for letting me go and forget what happened for a couple hours. I need this."

"I know you do, honey. But I still think you're crazy."

I step back. "For what?"

"For lots of things. For keeping what Eric did to you a secret, for already going out after you've just faced a life-or-death situation, for falling in love so quickly-"

"Tori-" I start to interrupt. But she rushes on, obviously not wanting to focus on the last thing she listed.

"-and for believing Caleb is alive."

"He _is _alive, Tori."

"Yes, I know, but I don't think I will really, truly believe that until I see him tomorrow. Or until I hear the story."

I nod. "I understand."

She kisses my forehead. "Now go. Before it gets dark out."

I nod again and walk to the door. I turn around. "Are you coming?"

She shakes her head. "No. I think I'm going to stay in your room for a while."

I frown, confused, but keep going downstairs anyways. I barely reach the bottom of the stairs when Tobias is there, looking overly worried.

"Are you sure you want to go?" he asks.

"I'm fine, Tobias," I say quietly, so as not to reveal his name to Tori.

He sighs. "I'm sorry I'm being overprotective. You obviously can take care of yourself."

I smile and run my fingers down his cheek. "Maybe so, but I do feel a whole lot better with you around."

He chuckles and kisses my temple. He holds out his arm to me.

"Shall we, my lady?"

I giggle and tuck my arm around his, already starting to forget. "We shall."

**I know that it's a bit odd that Tris would suddenly be wanting to go outside and away from home, but I couldn't really see her character sitting around at home, pitying herself. I feel like she would want to get out of the place that everything happened in and focus on something else. It's not like her to open up that much about something and to keep letting her emotions fly without her locking them up for a while would be even more odd I feel like. I hope I'm making sense….if not, I'm sorry and I hope that you understand why I wrote the last part the way I did.**

**Anyways, it's almost Christmas! Yay! I hope you're all as excited as I am about the holiday season! I'm looking forward to a break from school for a while! Hopefully I'll be able to write more then as well! **

**Thank you so much for all of you amazing support! Some of your reviews this chapter almost brought me to tears! You guys are too sweet! I couldn't have asked for a better group of readers/supporters!**

**Do you think we can reach the big 6-0-0 this time around in reviews? I bet we can! Do you also think we can reach 325 favorites and 375 follows? I also bet we can!;D**

**Until next time!**

**(P.S. I hope that Tris and Tobias making up pleased your exasperated need for Fourtris!:D)**


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